There is nothing small about my world. Yup, that's right. My world is big, big, big! Which is good, since I'm usually off in my own big world. It gets a little lonely sometimes, but then I can always count on Gretchen. She never leaves me. So it just her and me puttering around in my big world. We are in the midst of redecorating. I want to go for a more Mayan/Caribbean effect, but G seems to be on this Ethan Allan kick. We're gonna settle it by seeing who gets laid first, which explains why we are at the Leather and Lace bar/club over on 5th. I've never been here, but I'm told it a good place to pick someone up or vice versa.
By the way, I'm Benton. Yup, you're right, named after some sort of goddess of war. But that not why my mother named me Benton. She was in England way back in the day that is where I was conceived. Mum kinda a free spirit, which is another term for unemployed stoner. But she's cool. Well anyway, she was pregnant with me and on her way to Bath, don't ask why, its too scary to contemplate, but there she was on her way to Bath, when she saw this sign that said Benton Circle. Yup, sounds more romantic and cool if I tell everyone that I was named after a goddess of war. I found that out when I was nine. I was doing some research for a two-page paper; I had to turn in on mythology. I turned in ten pages. Strunk and White would have been so proud.
Oh yeah, I'm a genius. Ha ha ha. I scored 1600 on my SATS when I was 15. But actually, G helped me on them. Don't tell anyone, though. G is smarter then me, she's a smartass too, so I guess that works. I scored a 100 on that um, army test thingy? I forget the name. I'm a genius, but I can't remember anything, G remembers everything for me. But she's too busy drinking herself under the table as usual. Once she's under the table, she peeks up under the waitress' skirts. She calls it her daily constitutional. I just call her a pig.
Oh wait, I was telling you about that army test thingy. K, well lots of kids in school take it, and ROTC and whatnot recruit those that score highest. Well, I took it for the hell of it when I was 12. They've been pounding on my door for the last eight years. So finally, I told them I was gay, so they'd leave me alone. It didn't work. Oh I am gay, though. But anyway, the ROTC dude, I call him Buzz 'cuz of his haircut, he told me that wouldn't be a problem. Huh? Hello! We have a Bush squatting on the White House porcelain god. So Buzz, he was sitting across from me at the table, and he leans over and says, "Don't worry, Bush isn't a problem, or won't be for long. Lets just say he's crapped one time to many." I didn't like that gleam he had in his eye. I stammered some remark about how it would probably be better to let Bush do his business, since it made sense to me that if crap came out of his mouth, it would come out somewhere else too. You get my drift. Maybe I should tap into Bush's private e-mail account and warn him. Yeah, I could do that easy.
Yup, she does computers too. 'Cuz they can't run away from her!
"Shut up, G! You pig! Shouldn't you be drunk under the table still, scaring the waitresses by grabbing their legs?"
Yeah, that's right. G grabs hold of the waitress's legs and then humps 'em. She's a real shrimp, so she can do it. Good thing she cute, or they woulda cut her off by now, or separated her. You know, her head from her shoulders. She just wraps herself around their legs and humps 'em all the while grinning like a mad pixie.
Least I'm getting some, peabrain!
"Humping legs doesn't count as getting some, snotface!"
It does when it gets 'em all wet, pleghmwad!
"Wet?! Ha! They only wet 'cuz you make 'em spill the drinks down their legs, poonanny."
Well, at least?omg! Look! Look! I've died and gone to Nirvana! cried G as she fell off her stool and hit the floor with a resounding thump.
I looked down at her and smirked, "good, stay dead!" Then, out of curiousity I quickly scanned the bar looking for what had made poor G bite the dust, well floor, I mean, literally, she laying there on her belly with her face stuck to the floor. Serves the little pig right. I hope its cemented there for good.
As I glanced around, my eyes fell, not literally, on a tall brunette who had just ambled through the door. She had dark hair that was stylishly tousled. As she came closer and stopped at the table right next to the bar, like no more then three feet from me, I got a good look at her. She was about 5' 10" with endlessly long legs. I had visions of me humping those legs. Her skin was a light, even bronze from the sun. She was slender, but curvy in all the right places. Oh, and she had some muscles too, which, is a good thing, 'cuz then she can knock G back on her butt when she needs to. As my eyes slowly roamed her body, they came to rest on her ass, encased in form fitting jeans. My jaw kinda went slack, and I could feel the drool puddling in my lower lip. Uh oh. And then?and then?
She turned towards me and winked!
THUMP
Brown. She has deep, beautiful brown eyes, I muttered to myself. I tried to spit the dust out of my mouth.
End of Part I?.continued in Part II. Nifty how that works eh?