No one is responsible for it but me, and I used characters that unfortunately it seems, belong to Renpic and MCA. No violence, no sex, just some anger, That maybe this time, we won't get fooled again.

Feedback is welcome Kamouraskan@Yahoo.com

Scene

Five years ago. Los Angeles. Smoky conference room, several men, only hands and cigars visible.

"So the testing went like we thought, then."

"Oh yeah, This Lawless chick tested through the roof. I told you all those letters weren't a fluke."

"I'm beginning to think about about two seasons. I mean, I know Herc will always be our main show, but two years from a spin-off would be pure gravy."

"Yeah, considering the studio already gave us a full season commitmenton just three words."

"What?"

"You know 'Hercules in drag'"

"Anyways, we've all been in television enough to know the next step."

"Sidekick."

"Right."

"I still don't see why it can't be a guy."

"Because the whole set-up is based on Xena being the boss. We can't have a guy working for her, it would turn off our core audience of 11-15 year old boys."

"How about a bird? A talking bird..."

"..A hawk with magic powers?"

"I see Xena more as a panther type."

"A talking panther."

"How about another chick?"

"Two warrior women? No way. Look what happened with the original Cagney and Lacey. They started out with two hard Fems and they had to rewrite or all they got were the dykes."

"So we make her a blonde innocent, that has to be rescued all the time...."

Scene

Five years later. A Roman Prison.

Gabrielle, with tears in her eyes holds Xena's head in her lap. She leans over to hear a whisper from her warrior.

"Forgive? There's nothing to forgive, love. We're past all that."

Xena's voice grows stronger. "No, the fans. Will they...forgive us. Did we save...the show?"

Gabrielle stares sadly at her lover. "I don't know. All I know is what it cost. Your chakram is broken, and your back..."

Xena mutters "Atonement. We got Calisto back. And you fought again..."

"I killed 12 soldiers, Xena, is that what that was for!" Gabrielle's tears begin to flow again.

"There had to be balance, the season... the whole season four had to be paid for..."

"By the Gods, Xena. They killed Ephiny, and threw in Solari in the teaser!"

"They gave her a warriors death. Balance."

"And the closing shot with us reconciled in front of another funeral pyre, that was balanced by the Maori/Vegas dancers?" Gabrielle brokenly giggles."I kept expecting Micheal/Iolous to show up in drag to direct them."

Xena's chuckle turns into a pain wracked coughing fit.

Gabrielle becomes angry now. "Look at you. Look at us, we're about to be crucified. They killed Ephiny! You think this is only balance?"

"You were only in the end of the detective story episode. We're lucky there are any Amazons left at all after that one. We might as well have sent envelopes of pig's blood to each of the fans, Gabrielle."

There is silence as Gabrielle strokes Xena's hair tenderly. She speaks.

"So now what happens?"

"We take the two more years we have, and go back and fill in the gaps."

"You mean like the whole, I woke up in a hospice thing?"

"No, I mean, why did Pompey suddenly graduate from the William Shatner School of Acting."

Gabrielle smiles. "Oh yeah, "My mmmoney, She's taking mmY mmoney. Money..I...NEED."

Xena holds her side. "Please, don't make me laugh."

Gabrielle clenches her her lips. She resumes stroking her warrior's hair.

"So how will we get out of this? It's been a year and we still haven't explained how I survived, much less the small stuff. We spent two years creating a friendship, and then all of season three tearing it apart..."

"But it gave us some of our hardest shows....balance..."

Gabrielle looks off into space."I just,...can we trust them?"

Xena draws herself up painfully and stares directly into Gabrielle's eyes.

"We are two of the strongest characters ever created. We have a backdrop that is so rich, that thousands of amateurs have been inspired to write tens of thousands of short stories filled with excitement, tears and joy. You gotta believe that The Power's That Be are at least half as capable of doing right by us as they are." Her voice dropped in weakness. "If I didn't believe that, I don't think I could go on...."

Scene

Los Angeles. Smoke filled conference room.

"So you really pissed of the dykes with the whole Deja Vu episode, I loved it!"

"Yeah, wait till they find out how she gets pregnant."

"We are going to give them something though, aren't we?"

"Oh yeah, we tested Alti again..."

GROANS

"No, this time she came up positive. We're going to have her naked!"

"Whatever."

"...So, Xena kills the demon in the spirit plane and they are brought back to their own bodies. Right?"

"Works for me."