~ The Joining ~
by Kamouraskan
Part 8
Chapter 1
Robin snapped out of her daze and looked around the forest. She had accepted that going into the woods without sleep was risky; she had almost fallen over during the tedium of the instruction. But she was paying for that now; she was completely lost. A quick scan of the immediate area confirmed that she had been separated from the other Amazons, and she wasn't sure how long it had been since she had last seen another human. She hadn't even a clue in which direction the rest of her group of trainees were.
Of course. Today was supposed to be an exercise in concentration.
With nothing to lose, she tried extending her senses as she had been taught, focusing on her personal field; and to her surprise, it happened, as natural as breathing. Her exhaustion actually helped. She took another breath and closed her eyes. To her amazement, she felt herself becoming almost intimately aware of the space around her. The air became a tangible thing, even the insects could be felt as interruptions in its natural streams. She began to advance, and the doe-skin boots of her Amazon costume seemed to anticipate each twig before enough pressure could be made to snap it.
Quickly gathering confidence, she silently slipped through the forest. Always in the back of her mind, there was the warning they had all received of a dangerous cat somewhere about, one that had been terrorizing a nearby village. They had all been instructed to remain close.
`Close?' She thought as she looked about alone, `you really screwed up this time, mighty Amazon. Who's going to have to rescue you this time?' The strange thing was that she couldn't really feel sorry for herself, because she felt too good. Here, a thousand years and miles away from her comfortable suburb, she was... at home.
She heard, almost felt, a vibration that she knew was not a predator. Not entirely sure why, she circled around, and approached the source, amazed at how soundless her movements were. She sensed the breeze, and a voice in her mind whispered `downwind` and she adjusted her position again. Through the trees, she saw a deer rubbing its flank on a tree, and she reached for her bow.
Up till now, she had been moving on instinct, but once she had drawn an arrow from her quiver, and positioned herself, she found could not shoot. 'Who am I kidding? I'm not an Amazon. I can't kill... not like this. I'm just a city kid, playing a game...' Her burgeoning confidence fell from her like a rock, until another sensation froze her. A stark and freezing sensation of impending danger.
The doe had attracted another, meaner predator, one who was not so choosy. A midnight black panther was watching both her and the doe, its snapping tail the only visible movement. Some one or thing had partially succeeded in an attack on it; part of its ear was torn off, and it had not healed. She could see that despite that wound, it still moved sinuously enough, and towards her.
Her brain tried to function. She presumed that she must have walked ahead of the other trainees, and that the panther had been driven ahead of them as they fanned out through the forest. Driven it right towards her.
At first she had frozen, staring into its hypnotic yellow eyes as it deliberately stalked towards her, but now she was suddenly calm. She carefully lowered her bow to the ground and slowly drew her hand towards her dagger, her senses heightened like never before. Without looking, she knew that there was a small depression just below where she was standing, but she waited for the cat to make its move. She watched its paws, and when she saw the claws extend, she made a feint towards the cat as it leaped. Then dropping instead into the small culvert, she gripped her dagger in both hands and timed her jab, thrusting her fists upwards as the beast overshot her and passed overhead, the massive backpaws just grazing her shoulders. She felt a warm spray on her face and the knife was torn from her hands, and she spun around, grabbing her bow and notching an arrow in one swift movement, ready to anticipate the cat's response. The panther landed awkwardly, and snarling, tried to circle, but instead slumped on its side, futily stretching its forepaw towards her in a sad parody of menace. She stayed in her crouch, holding her bead on the animal, panting heavily, a feeling of exhilaration filling her. She stared into the big cat's eyes, but they gradually lost their beauty and glazed over. She was intensely aware of her dagger buried deep in the panther's chest, into its heart.
Her stumbling return to the village was a haze to her. She was aware of others greeting her, and their shock and concern for the blood that covered her face and chest. She was conscious of the shouting when the body was found and that she was being escorted in triumph. But all she could think about was the thrill as her knife had entered the beast; all she could see were the panther's glazing eyes. She came to herself in the healer's hut, aware of James' arm around her, and thought for a moment that the black cat was still with her. But it was Xena, the warrior's usually stoic expression touched with sadness. They stared at one another for a heartbeat, when Ephiny came in.
The Regent evaluated the patient, and spoke softly to her.
"I know that you're not familiar with our custom, so the prayers for the panther were made for you. But there was a large bounty on that cat, and there are many people who would like to thank you, Robin. You have completed a kill on behalf of the Royal Mask." She paused. "And by tradition, these are yours."
Robin looked to the Regent's hand, where she saw four canine teeth. Ephiny continued, "Normally they are made into a necklace. I can have one of the craftswimyn make it for you..."
"A necklace? No... I couldn't..." Robin looked at Xena for help, and the warrior pulled a small pouch from her side. Taking the teeth from Ephiny, she dropped the teeth into the sack, and surprising Robin with her gentleness, put it in Robin's hand, holding it there for a moment, saying;
"This is a part of who you are now. It's not for display, but for good or bad, it's still a part of you."
With their hands clasped, they shared another silent moment, and then Robin nodded and took the pouch, tying it carefully onto her belt.
Xena walked the two back to their hut. James` heart was aching for Robin, and he felt slightly ashamed that despite his concern, a small part of him had been moved because Robin seemed to want his arm around her, and he enjoyed the contact too much to question it. It had taken only a moment of adjustment, and they had... fit.
No bones jutted out in uncomfortable places, no stumbling, no conscious slowing of the speed of their step, they just... fit. Xena laid her hand on Robin's shoulder, and said to James, "You'll look after each other?" He looked into the warrior's eyes to discern what exactly she meant by that query. He answered the unspoken question as well.
"As long as she'll let me."
Xena nodded and lowered her eyes to Robin's. Robin was momentarily blinded by blue, but she nodded and gave her a half smile. She broke away from James, and suddenly missing the contact, reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the hut.
Once inside she stared with exasperation at the bed. "I am really not in the mood to look at you right now," she told it.
"You are speaking to the bed, aren't you?" James said from behind her.
Robin turned to him. "I guess."
"Strangely enough, the fact you are talking to a piece of furniture, comforts me."
She didn't laugh. "James..." she started.
He knew what she was going to ask. He sat beside her. "No, Andrea was not the first person I've killed. I plan for her to be the last... but I always do."
"But you've never felt... enjoyment, or satisfaction?" Robin saw him preparing to lie to her, but she held his eyes until he lowered them.
"No." He held out his hands to her. "But just like you, I killed because I knew I had to, just like you..."
"James." He waited for her to continue. " I know it was an animal. Not a human being. But there was a moment, a moment when I was ready for another panther, or..." She stared at her palms sadly. "I enjoyed the kill. And… I'm not the person I've always thought I was."
James took her hands in his. "I know who you are. You are a compassionate and good person, who regrets a death, even though you know it was the right thing. Half the village would be proud to wear those teeth. All of the village, including me, sees you as a hero. And yet, you're here, knowing that the death was a... a loss. That I admire even more."
"You think I'm a hero, too?" She roughly removed her hands from his. "This wasn't a quest, or a challenge. It was almost a fluke. It was easy. Too easy."
"Robin, I can't...."
The day had simply been too much and Robin's temper flared. "What do you mean, you CAN'T? James: Warrior Psychiatrist, can't find the words to comfort someone? Oh sorry, not someone, just ME."
"Robin, I know how you feel. WE, know how you feel..."
The Amazon in training nearly exploded.
"Oh, you know how I feel, do you? " but she stopped, as comprehension swept her.
"You DO, don't you? Of course! The BOND! Wonderful! How many times have you been happily rummaging through my feelings, before this? What's the problem, James? No cases to solve? Don't have enough emotions of your own? You have to steal some of mine?"
She had hurt him. Good.
"It's not like that."
"So, what IS it like? Eh?" Her anger gaining hold, newly developed muscles tensing, she advanced towards him, planning to try to throw him out when she stopped and stared at the door. A tentative knock was heard.
"Go away," James said.
"Shut up! What?" she said to the door.
"Go away," James repeated loudly.
Glaring at him she yelled, "Ignore the wizard behind the curtain. Come in."
The door opened cautiously and a young Amazon entered, or tried to, the bed making occupancy by three nearly impossible. It was one of the craftswimyn, holding a series of sketches. She looked at Robin's stone face, and felt the tension in the room.
"I could come back, but I wanted..." she trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.
"Neshia, is it? What do you need, I could use a break."
The Amazon coughed and began again. "I've been working on a piece and I was hoping, you would let me sketch you, it won't take but a moment."
James stood up. "You're the potter, right?" She nodded shyly. "You've done some great stuff, can I see?" The artisan blushed and handed over some drawings. "I'd already tossed the pot, and I was beginning the etching but..." she stopped when she saw the expression on James' face.
His legs weakened and he fell back on the bed. He was staring at the sketch of a panther and his face was white. He looked at Robin.
"The panther, it was missing an ear? Like this?" He thrust the drawing at Robin.
"You mean, you didn't already know?" she snarled sarcastically.
"Why would we know about the panther? When we felt, whatever, the emotions. We only wanted… had to find YOU. Can we talk about this later? Please?" He turned to Neshia. "There hasn't been another panther, just like this, killed by five Amazons, was there?" He gave her a sickly smile.
Confused the potter blinked. "You've seen my original drawings? I assumed that the sisters would track and capture it in the traditional manner... how did you see my original sketches?"
James ignored the question. "But now that Robin kill... hunted it, you want to put HER on the urn, right?"
Neshia watched the way James' hands were spasmodically shaking, and became more uncertain. "Yes, it really wouldn't take very long."
Robin was about to refuse, so James handed the papers back to the potter, saying, "She has to think about it."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, she does," he said, ushering the artisan from the room.
James took a deep breath and faced the outraged woman.
Chapter 2
Gabrielle was sitting, waiting on the stoop outside the Queen's hut. "Is she, are they going to be OK?"
Xena shrugged. "They're going to have a talk. Now's when we leave them alone and go for a nap."
Xena was tempted to pick up her exhausted bard in her arms, but pushed down the frustration. She offered only her a hand, but it was so gratefully received that she couldn't resist pulling her bard up into an embrace. The warrior froze when she heard a quiet snicker. Gabrielle released her partner with a sigh and looked over to see two younger Amazons (Dioxippe, Evandre, was it?) watching and shaking their heads in admonishment.
Their pantomime stopped immediately when Xena began to advance towards them. Evandre, the elder of the two, knew enough to be very frightened, but her years of training didn't help from being caught by the intensity burning through the slits of those incredible eyes, even as her mind registered one terrifying thought, "Oh Gods, she's smiling...."
Just as hypnotically frozen, Dioxippe had time to register the same information but instead interpreted it as "Well, she seems happy...?" before both of them found themselves lifted easily into the air where they hung suspended by the two very powerful hands attached to six feet of frustrated Warrior Princess. Something under other circumstances might have been a recurring fantasy, but now brought to them the realization that they had made a big mistake.
The voice was quiet, but almost inhuman in its power and depth. The smile was even more frightening close up. "I hope you weren't showing any disrespect for your Queen just now?"
Both Amazons struggled to squeeze an answer through their constricted throats. The sound that came out was rather high pitched. "No...?"
"Because I'm becoming just a bit BOTHERED by some of the things I've heard and seen in the past few days..."
Evandre seized upon the one thing that might be their salvation. "My Queen?" She looked over in desperation.
Gabrielle was so fatigued that she was leaning on the building's supports to remain standing, and part of her objected to the way that Xena was bullying these hapless women. Another part was inexplicably evaluating their relative weight. 'Hmm. The larger one is in her left hand, so after about 100 heartbeats, she might begin to strain...' Unfortunately for the two, another part was remembering a party when a drunken Evandre had made a pass at her partner, and that was the part that responded when she heard the whimpered plea directed at her.
She called over to them. "You know what bothers ME...?" 'Dear Artemis,' thought Evandre as she vaguely recalled a certain drunken moment as well, 'We're dead.'
"...what really bothers me is when people treat Xena like she's some kind of dancing bear and I'm her trainer."
Evandre was upset to notice that the terrifying smile, if possible, had become broader. 'Please don't let me pee my leathers,' she recited to herself.
"Now, I'm going to let you down." 'Thank you' thought both women, but the warrior made no move to do so. "But first I want something understood." Both heads bobbed assent. Whatever it was they would understand, they were sure.
"That, is the Queen of the Amazons, rrrriiiiight? And if she decides to remain celibate in order to fulfil some Amazon ritual, then she will. And be supported in this. Right?" Furious agreement. "Or if she decides to be joined here, or in Amphipolis, or on Mount OLYMPUS, THAT will be her choice as well, RIGHT?" And now the smile disappeared. "And if she wants to have screaming to the moon, gut wrenching, passionate sex right in the centre of the Gods be damned village, that's going to happen too! DO you understand?" Realizing that their continued nodding might be indicating too much enthusiasm for this spectacle, the two Amazons stopped, and with relief felt themselves being lowered to the ground.
"Now I would like the two of you to explain this to your friends, because I really don't think I'll have the patience to do it again." The Amazons were immediately forgotten the moment they floundered off. Xena turned and gave an embarrassed look to her soulmate.
"Maybe I shouldn't have done that..."
Gabrielle took her arm. "No, I thought you handled that quite well."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Maybe I am getting better at these sensitive chats," Xena mused.
"Oh yeah. We should give you a special hut and make you the tribe's councillor." Gabrielle said seriously.
"Gabrielle...I..."
"Gut Wrenching?"
"Well, I've never been very good at DESCRIBING it..."
A sigh. "Only one more day, right?"
"One more day, Love."
Chapter 3
Back in the hut, James began. "You know in your heart that we haven't, that we can't read your mind, don't you?"
"How am..."
He cut her off. "It was a one time thing. I don't know if it was because the three of us were together, or because it was so... new to you, what you were feeling, but it hit us like a blow to the stomach. Gabrielle and I didn't understand, but Xena..." He fumbled for a second. "You admire Xena, right?"
"Admire? Xena?" 'What was this about?' "She's incredible."
"Well, she knew... she tried to explain to us what it was that you were feeling..." He stumbled on. "She wanted me to be alone with you, but I insisted she come with me to the healers, because... well, you saw how she felt, how she understood. So. With all that you just went through. Would... Could discovering that a part of you is... like her, could that really be so frightening, or so terrible? You could live with that as a part of you? Couldn't you? If it was... true?"
Robin pushed her resentment aside, if only because she knew something more important was in the air.
"What just happened with Neshia?"
"Noticed, eh?" James sat, or rather collapsed on the bed.
"Unless you've just come down with epilepsy, yeah, I just missed something." By now, Robin could recognize the expression on his face. Where do I start...? She gave him a moment. He raised his eyes to hers.
"You can understand that I might have taken an interest in Grecian artefacts over the past couple of years?"
"Because despite everything you keep saying, you were on the lookout for a scroll or two, or maybe a rusty chakram?"
He gave her an embarrassed smile. "Sorta. So, believe me when I tell you that in a glass case in our very own Musee des Beaux Arts there is an urn, dated around 100 B.C., that depicts a hunt. I have a photo of it in my apartment, because it shows what are supposed to be Amazons. With me so far?"
She nodded for him to continue.
"It has a very distinctive glaze, certain patterns around the rim... and it shows the killing of a huge black panther with its ear torn in a distinctive diagonal slash..."
"I take it the patterns and glaze..."
"It's what Neshia does, it's her... signature..."
"And you think..."
"I think that that when we get back that pot won't exist anymore. Or if it does, it will show a single Amazon, one with short, black hair, and green eyes."
Of all the reactions he might have expected from Robin, laughter, deep rolling chuckles, was not it.
"Robin?" he asked.
"I was just imagining the look on your face when you have to tell Gabrielle!" She started to snort. "This is not my past," she recited pompously, "and I am not your future."
She pounded her knees.
"You were listening?" he accused.
"You were shouting."
"Oh."
"I love it!" she chortled. "She was right all along! And it's me and Xena... that's why you're asking..." and the implications of what had happened that day, and all that the warrior was and had been, hit her, and her laughter stopped. "If I can live with a part of Xena?"
James spoke carefully; worried as he tracked her mood swings. "Maybe not. There could be just some weird parallel existence, I mean the pot was dated 100 B.C., Hercules, if he existed, was already supposed to be dead ages before, Caesar wasn't born; it doesn't suddenly all fall together."
"I'm sure you'll explain that to the Queen next time she asks you about airplanes, or flush toilets or whatever," Robin said absently.
James lowered his head. "Hell, suddenly I'm scared to step outside and step on a bug, in case I exterminate a species."
Robin thought again of the woman who had held her hand and given her the canines. The moments when they had shared a gaze, a thought. The hero of Gabrielle's scrolls. And it was suddenly all right. More than all right. She took a deep breath and grinned. Actually laughed out loud again.
"Oh, stop worrying, and live life, James," she chortled happily. "You know what? I'm in Ancient Greece!" As she began to giggle, she reached down and pulled him to her, and locking her arms behind his back, kissed him solidly on the lips. He pulled away and she released him immediately, shaking her head as he backed off.
"This is not bad news. Not at all. What is your problem?" she said with frustration. "Or am I alone here, am I alone in feeling this?"
He shook his head slightly.
"What are you so worried about? The bond? I 'm not scared about that, and..." interrupting before he could speak, "I don't care what I said LAST TIME. I've had time to think, and what we've been feeling and … whatever else happens between you and me, THIS... is the best time I've ever had. You," pointing at James dramatically, "whether you wanted to or not, have given me the best time I've ever had. This is Narnia, the Wizard of Oz, and Alice in Wonderland and I don't know what else, all rolled together and I don't want it to end!
"Did you realize" she dropped her voice for the first time, "that I was taking guitar lessons from you, and voice lessons to balance out getting a degree in accounting? Your guitar lessons were supposed to give me enough balance of some kind, to breathe, so that I could become… AN ACCOUNTANT!" she shouted. "And you offer me this! I don't care if we COULD die here, I don't care if it ends tomorrow, and I can handle being a descendant of the most impressive woman I've ever met, whatever the cost. I'm happy. Really, really happy. This moment, here and now. And yes. A big part of it all is that it's with you. This is worth the risks to me. Why isn't it for you? What is your PROBLEM?"
It was a very quiet voice that answered. "Because whatever we have is probably a gift of some God. Because they never come without a price. Because I'm a coward who has never been in love before in his entire life. Because if I let go... If we go back and you don't remember this," he closed his eyes and paused. "If you don't remember me... I don't think I would survive it this time."
She slumped down beside him. "Whoa." She turned to him with all the intensity she could gather. "Listen to me. I know, I mean I really know, that I'm not Xena. But a part of them, how much I don't know, but a part, including the greatest gift they ever got, made it all the way to us. Who knows how many times it was wasted, or separated, or wasn't risked?"
Robin took a deep breath. "Now, we're here, together. This thing is getting stronger. No, better. And there's a vibe, a sexually compatible vibe, I think. I mean, we really like each other, and we have this incredible connection..."
In her nervousness, she stood up and was above him on the bed, staring down, and reached to run a hand softly through his hair. "Yesterday you were about to be executed, remember? And you were willing to trust that it was a problem that could be solved. Well, this is just another problem, and there's a solution, okay? I refuse to believe that it's something we can't work out together, and with their help. And they clearly want to help us."
James took a deep breath of his own, looking up at the small figure towering above him. He thought over all she had said. Focussing on the most important part. "Sexually compatible?" he asked.
Robin rolled her eyes. "I was assuming..."
"Oh yeah. Assume."
"So, James, what IS your problem?"
"Right now, it's that women standing pretty well on top of me, are not on my list of turn ons."
"You have a list? Am I on it?"
He smiled and shrugged. "You are it."
"Then I can't take your objection seriously." A leather skirt fell down, hitting his knees. And his mind went completely blank.
Robin smiled. "Now considering we probably have only a little while before some new hell breaks loose…"
Continued in Part 9