This story depicts violence of an extreme nature and has lots of angry words. There is an evil yucky person and his thoughts described within the text of this story. He will frighten some as he is a rapist. If this type of person disturbs you, DON'T READ THIS STORY! There is also a loving relationship hinted at between two adult women. If this offends you, please find another Xena story that doesn't have this aspect in it. If this kind of relationship is not legal in your area, I will pray for change, but you need to leave.
There is no sex in this chapter, so no disclaimer for that. It comes in the next installment. (No pun intended. Riiiiight.;)
This story may upset you, but I promise to make it up to you in the final installment.
Enjoy, for better or worse. Send your comments to UgoXena@AOL.com
©kandis glasgow 1999 kiss kiss hug hug love love. if you read this you read too much ?
"Xena, don't leave her like this!" Artie was pleading now.
"I have to go. I have no choice" The warrior's face was set as stone. Her anger immersed her very soul. The need to find and punish Gabrielle's attacker was her ONLY need.
"You do have a choice. Damn you! Listen to me! That woman up there needs you to be here when she wakes up. She needs you to help her through. YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE! Make it be the right one."
Blue eyes shone with the fire that was in her heart. It was a cold fire that raged out of control threatening to devour her. "I trust that you will be able to take care of her needs. I will be back as soon as I can." The words were cold but the emotion came through like a sharpened blade.
Artie knew this was a fight she would not win but she chose to fight it anyway. This was a hill that was worth dying on. "You have to come back to her Xena. Don't go off getting killed."
"I have no intentions of getting myself killed." She tried to reassure both the healer and herself. Xena knew that intentions were not all there was to warfare and she was making no mistake. This was warfare!
"Believe it or not Xena, I have heard those very words before. I live my life alone because Carynous had 'no intentions' of getting herself killed. Please, let this go and stay with Gabrielle. Don't let there even be a chance that she should have to live without you." Artie felt the hurt of 25 years past as if it were a fresh wound in her heart.
With true sympathy in her voice Xena replied, "I am sorry for your loss, but this isn't that kind of relationship."
"No? Come now Xena. It was obvious to me the minute you spoke of her."
"Well, you saw in five seconds what she hasn't seen in 3 years. I loved her the minute she told me I wasn't alone. I felt her then. It took time for me to realize it, yes. But, look...AAH! Why am I telling you this!? Listen, she doesn't have the same feelings for me, Artie. To her this is a friendship and nothing more. It is no more important to her that I stay with her than you."
"For your sake and hers, I hope you are right." But the healer knew the mighty warrior was very wrong indeed.
Artie watched Xena turn Argo around and ride away without a single backward glance. This was a battle that she knew the raven-haired woman would fight to the death if necessary. She spoke to the Gods and asked that the revenge she sought would not be her undoing or Gabrielle's. .
She turned with a slow a deliberate movement and walked back to the inn.
Xena rode the long trek back to where this nightmare had begun. The path was wrought with the memories she could not shake. The sight, in her mind, of her Gabrielle curled up in fear haunted her very soul. She had not been there to protect the one she most loved in all of creation and now her tormented mind was a constant reminder of that failure.
She knew that it was likely that she was wrong in her decision to leave but she was determined to find the monster that was responsible for this. She also knew that she couldn't face Gabrielle. This all happened because she had refused to let the bard talk her into a couple more days of inconvenience. She had wanted to be alone and now she truly was.
She arrived at the camp sight and saw in the light of day the evidence of the struggle that Gabrielle had been through. The footprints in the soil told the story. Three men. One monster. Spots of blood scattered on the ground and blankets. The scene made Xena nauseous. She had seen battlefields littered with bodies ripped into pieces that were unrecognizable. Blood was not a stranger to her sight, but this was so different. In her spirit she could feel the depth of fear and anguish that the young woman had endured. She saw in her mind the fight and the loss. She couldn't stand the sight and allowed her anger to blind her to the thoughts that were assailing her senses.
"THAT'S ENOUGH" She screamed aloud. Xena began to pace back and forth. She was losing her focus. She began to calm in a slow decisive manner. Now was not the time to break down.
The warrior began to tear down the campsite and gather the supplies she would need. The men had left an obvious trail in their departure. They didn't care if they were found. If the size of the footprints were an indication, the man had no need to worry. No one would be dumb enough to come after him. *Wrong again! I'm "dumb" enough!* Xena smirked at her thoughts.
She loaded up Argo with the supplies and headed off in search of the one she thought could bring back her sanity by his death.
It had been four days since the Warrior Princess had left the township of Paliceinous. Artie was well aware that the journey that Xena was on could take weeks even months but it didn't keep her from worrying. She knew the woman was quite capable of handling anyone and anything. It was not a concern for Xena's physical self that made her uneasy.
*Damn, that girl! She is going to lose herself and Gabrielle if she's not careful! *
Artie knew the warlord type quite well. Xena could become lost in the powerful draw of revenge. It was a fine line she was walking. She wasn't saying that revenge was never right, but in this case, it was a matter of timing. Xena may not have suffered at the hands of the men that attacked Gabrielle, but the damage, even if different, was just as real and just as deep. Her heart was broken and she was acting out in the only way she knew how, or maybe the one with which she was most familiar. The one person that could have talked her into realizing another way through this, was lying in a bed unable or unwilling to wake up. Without Gabrielle to help her, the warrior was lost.
Artie knew that Xena would be too proud to ever admit the pain and guilt that were driving her actions now. *C'mon Xena, figure it out!*
While the thoughts ran hither and thither through her mind, Artie didn't notice the young blonde's eyelid flutter and open.
"Xena?" The voice was small and scratchy.
"No, honey."
"Xena? Where is she?"
"Hush now child." Artie was not sure she wanted to tell Gabrielle that the warrior had gone. She was still very weak.
"She's gone isn't she?" Gabrielle knew with grief in her very soul that Xena had left her.
Artie, searching for the right words to say could think of none. All she could do was nod the affirmative.
" I knew she wouldn't stay with me after that. How could she?"
"Do you think she left because of what happened?"
"Of course she did. She had to. I am sure she is disgusted by...it." She had wanted to say "by me" but couldn't bring herself to use the words..
Artie reached out to take the broken woman into her arms. "Sweet girl, she left to avenge the attack that was made against you, not because of what happened to you."
Gabrielle pulled away from the older woman with what strength she could muster. Artie didn't fight her.
"So she just left me here alone." The bard was beginning to feel the anger welling up inside of her. "Well, isn't that thoughtful. I am here close to death and she goes out to play Warrior Princess."
"She did it for you." *Lame* thought Artie. She wasn't sure that Xena had done it for Gabrielle.
"She knows me well enough by now to know that 'revenge' isn't what I would want. No, she did this for her self."
*This woman knows her warrior's mind.* How to make her know her warrior's heart and it's struggle to deal with the pain was the challenge.
"But why? And who are you?" Artie had forgotten that though she was quite intimate with the young bard, Gabrielle did not know who she was.
"I am Artie. I own the inn here and I am the town healer. I ministered to you when Xena brought you in. It was rough there for a while. I wasn't sure you were ever going to wake up but your fever seems to have subsided for the moment."
"How long have I been here?"
"Four days."
"FOUR?" Gabrielle let the surprising information sink in and then asked,
"When did she leave?"
"Gabrielle, let's not talk about things that will upset you now. You lost a lot of blood and the injuries to your body are extensive. Please, rest…"
"Artie, one thing you are going to find about me is that I get answers to my questions. So, you might as well tell me now and save us both the pain and suffering. O.K.?"
Artie took a deep breath and looked at the woman in her charge. *No, I don't suppose you give up easily little one.* "She brought you to my inn after having ridden all night to get here. She stayed and assisted me while I treated some of the injuries that she could not. She left about mid-day that same day."
The young bard absorbed what Artie had told her and closed her eyes. The thoughts raging in her head were full of torment. *She left me. She was disgusted by me and left. God's can I blame her? Yes! I can. She left me behind AGAIN! She always wanted to be away from me now she has her wish. She has a perfect excuse. DAMN YOU XENA! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?*
Tears began to fall down the woman's face, stinging the scratches that lined her fair cheeks. The eye that was swollen shut ached from the tears it was trying to shed. As she cried and thought a light shone on some information she had paid no attention to before. Her teardrops began to slow and she spoke….
"Artie? What wounds do I have that Xena couldn't fix? She is a talented healer. I have never seen a wound she wasn't familiar with."
"Gabrielle, I think she could have tended the injuries you have, but I think she didn't have the heart for it." Artie wasn't positive she was telling the truth but it was close enough. "You have some discomfort in you private area, yes?"
The blonde head slowly nodded.
"I had to take some stitches there and…well…"
"Xena was sickened at the thought of having to even touch me. I knew it."
"Gabrielle, you have no idea what Xena was going through. She loves you more than life it's self. She just couldn't do it. It pained her too much."
"Oh Right. That's why she's here now, because she cares so much for me. Give it a rest there Artie. Save it for someone dumb enough to believe that load of Bachai dung. I need to rest. Could you leave please?"
Artie looked intently at the young woman. She was indeed tired. The healer doubted however that Gabrielle would be able to get the sleep that she so desperately needed. "I will go, but first I want you to drink some tea to help you rest."
Gabrielle started to protest but knew that she could use the escape and her body actually did need the rest if she wanted to heal. The last thought began to take hold in her mind. Did she really want to heal??
For three days and nights Xena had tracked the group of men that had taken her life from her. She knew that Gabrielle would probably never forgive her for leaving. The anger and rage that overwhelmed her drove her forward. In her heart she knew that turning back and taking her place and the bard's side was the thing she should do but what she was doing now was the thing she was driven to do. Blind fury was the only emotion she allowed to the surface. Darkness had consumed her soul and she was giving in to it. She was comfortably familiar with the blackness that was now her existence. There was no mercy in her. These heathens would pay a dear price.
The warrior princess led Argo into a small farming village. There was a small tavern at the end of the road, the woman was thirsty and in need of information. *Let's see what the locals have to say.* As she entered the establishment all eyes turned to take in the sight of the tall threatening ex-warlord. Piercing blue eyes met the stares with cold steel. All looks that were met turned back slowly to find their drinks suddenly very interesting.
She sauntered up to the barkeep and expressed her desire for drink.
"Port."
"That'll be a dinar, and no trouble if you don't mind."
"I don't mind. There won't be trouble, that is, not unless you have a mind to look at me wrong."
The tender observed the woman and decided that it was not his place to question the seriousness of her statement. He wouldn't look at her at all if that was what she wished. He nodded, bowed his head and walked away from her.
Xena left the payment on the counter and approached a group of men who looked as if they had been drinking for the better part of the day.
"Hey, boys. Nothing better to do with your time? Jobs? Family? Wives to attend to?"
The most inebriated of the group stood in defense of his honor. Xena put a hand on his shoulder and none too gently pushed him back into his seat.
"No need to get up. I just have a couple of questions. I'm looking for a man…'
"Well, honey, you sure came to the right place." The drunken leader stood and placed a dirty hand on the tall woman's thigh.
With the speed of an Egyptian jackal Xena snatched hold of the mans hand and began to slowly apply pressure until the sound of the bones beginning to give way brought a satisfied grin to the irritated woman's face. The man started to scream in agony as the pain began to seep through his drunken state. "You'll not do that again if you know what's good for you." Xena stated. As if the ex-warlord turned headhunter had needed to state the obvious. She roughly released his hand by throwing him back in his seat.
Xena motioned to the table and nodded in askance to join the men. The ragged men each look to the other to see if any were going to be fool enough to deny the woman that had just crippled their comrade. No. They were drunk, not idiots. Well, they were drunk.
"Let me start again. I am looking for a certain man. This man hurt my friend and I hate when that happens. Get my drift? I'm a little edgy, ya see, and if I don't get the information I'm looking for I just might lose my temper. How do you boys feel about me losin' my temper?"
The poor men sat with heads bowed and merely grunted their response. They really didn't want to piss this woman off. She was a nutcase if they had ever seen one. Hair all askew and a wild look in her startling blue eyes. No. Her keeping her temper would be a good thing. A very good thing.
"Now, here we go. See if your puny little minds can follow me. This man is big. Not giant huge but BIG. His hands are two span of mine." She held up her two hands to make the point. "You couldn't miss this guy. So, tell me boys, have you seen him?"
The group was hesitant. They had seen the man the woman was speaking of but they couldn't decide which was the lesser of two evils. An angry, giant, killer man or a psycho, outta control warrior woman. One of the men decided that the present evil was the most threat and spoke up.
"Yeah, we seen him couple a days back. He and his men, they was headed to Corinth. Went south most likely."
"What time of the day was he here?"
"Why ya' need ta know that?" The least drunk of the group asked.
Xena threw out a hand and snatched the man's collar and slammed his head sharply into the table. "I think I was the one asking the questions here, Buck. Just answer. No questions, just answers. Got it?"
Several heads turned in the direction of the commotion but not one comment was heard from the patrons. Silence. Dead silence.
The man gulped and forced a whisper in reply. "Yeah. I got it." The warrior released him and he slowly raised his eyes while he lifted a hand to his bruised forehead.
"Gooood. Now what time of day was he here? " Blue eyes sparked with anger. It was obvious that she was on the verge of losing the temper was held in check by only one thought. *Gabrielle.*
"OKOKOK. They was here late afternoon. Boyo, did they drink! They musta drank all night cause I saw 'em leavin early, just before dawn. They was singin' and carryin' on like they was drunk or somthin'."
"Gods! Brilliant reasoning. You sure you're not a healer?" Blue eyes were rolling around at the absolute idiocy of these baffoons.
The fellow took a little ribbing from his drinking mates.
"So it was yesterday morning that they left, right?"
"Yeah. S'right."
"Good boy!" Xena whacked the man on the back of the head and stood up. She was a sight to behold in the eyes of the intoxicated men. There was just something about a woman in leather.... no matter how dangerous. Maybe the danger was a part of the appeal. Yeah, maybe.
Xena knew she was close to her goal. If they had left the town on an all night drunk they would surely have to sleep it off somewhere on the road. She strode out of the tavern never looking back. The men at the table fought over who would get drink the warrior never touched.
Xena rode Argo out of the village heading south. She easily picked up the trail of the band within a few leagues and soon found the campsite the men had used. By the looks of it they hadn't been feeling very well. The fire pit was still warm and the warrior's blood began to stir with battle-lust. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she mentally prepared for the ensuing battle. She closed her eyes and envisioned the steps she would take to gain victory over her quarry. Time was now very short.
The Warrior Princess spurred her Battle Steed on to their destiny with evil. In less than three candle marks the band of men were being sight-tracked by one pissed off warrior. She waited patiently for the exact moment of her attack. She hid silently behind a large tree and waited for the group to pass. As the last man passed her she dropped silently behind him and put a hand over his mouth while she dragged him back a few paces. Without making a sound Xena hit him in the throat with her fingertips.
"I've just cut off the flow of blood to your brain and you'll be dead in thirty seconds unless you tell me about your friend. First let me introduce myself. You really don't want know who I am but I'm gonna tell you anyway. I'm a VERY close friend of the girl your friend raped a few days ago and I was a little disturbed by that. Tell me, what's the name of your big friend there."
With great effort the man spoke. "Cortindan. I didn't know he was gonna do it! Honest."
"That was truly a moving speech and as much as I would like to let you live I just don't see the need. You made me take much too long to track you down and that upset me. Oh and by the way, you have about twenty seconds left to live. You might want to start praying to whatever god you worship."
Xena turned her back on the dying man and went to her second place of strategy. The second one would have to be a quick kill due to the proximity of her main goal. She placed herself ahead of the last two and flipped herself into the trees above them. She could hear the conversation the men were having.
"………disappeared."
"He's just taking a leak. He'll catch up."
Xena noticed the second smaller man was carrying Gabrielle's Amazon staff. *Oh bad idea guy. BAD idea!* The warrior was seething now.
And Ares was laughing. He had never dreamt of such a great scheme. It wasn't his, but it was working out better than he could have planned. Now if he could keep her away from that blonde thing he'd have it made and the irritating one would still owe him. Eternal life was good.
The dark haired warrior flipped down, sword in hand, and landed directly in front of the man that held Gabrielle's prized possession. Without so much as a word spoken to him, in the split second between seeing the woman in front of him and looking into her startling eyes he knew he was dead. He couldn't have been more right. Xena took no more than that split second to relieve the man of his head and snatch the weapon before either the ground.
Cortindan couldn't quite believe his eyes. No one would dare try to rob him especially not a woman. Women didn't even belong on the same planet with him let alone on the road. They belonged in the kitchen or in the bed, serving and servicing him. Just a few days ago he had shown one of those tramps why they didn't belong in the same world with the men. That was a lesson she wouldn't soon forget. He couldn't help but notice his friends head on the ground and a blood stained sword in this female's hand. He had heard stories of women that carried swords and fought in armies. Those were the 'unnatural' ones. Those called Amazon. *A sick group that needs to be wiped from the face of the world.* This one didn't dress like one of the Amazon harlots, but by the God's she looked like one. This was not at all acceptable. This bitch needed a lesson and he was going to be the one to give it to her.
"Well, girlie. I can see you're in need of instruction on the proper treatment of your superiors."
"Oh. Yeah. Well, if you happen to see any, send 'em my way. I'll respect the Tartarus out of 'em." Piercing blue eyes held humor that threatened the man. It made him angry.
"Your wit will get you no mercy with me whore." He was shocked at the lack of fear and respect this worthless wench showed.
"That's good 'cause I'm not lookin for mercy. I'm_lookin_for_revenge." Xena continued to swing her sword down and around. A sly smile creeping across her face. Killing this guy was going to thrill her.
"Revenge?"
"Use that feeble mind of yours for a minute and think a few days back. A sweet innocent girl, alone in the woods. Remember?"
All too well he remembered soft flesh, hot tears and screaming. What a stimulating combination it had been. He would relish the experience in his fantasies for a very long time. The driving thought of it aroused him even now. The look on his face betrayed his thoughts just as well as his body.
"Yeah. You remember. Well, that girl means more to me than my own life so you can only imagine how I feel about you. It will give me great satisfaction to watch you die. I sure hope it was worth it." As soon as the final syllable was released from her lips Xena leapt to strike.
"YIYIYIYIYIYIYI! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" She swung her sword in a high arch over her head. Metal struck metal as the huge stranger's sword was thrust out to parry the strike. The tall dark warrior swung again at her opponent's midsection. He plunged his blade down just in time to let the blow glance off to the side. That had been too close. He had underestimated the skill of this wench. It would not happen again. The huge man backed slowly away from his enemy to assess the situation.
The Warrior Princess was a complete step ahead of him. She knew this type of man. Women were less than slaves to him and here was a woman challenging him. He didn't like her even a little bit, and he miscalculated in assessing her skills. She could use that to her advantage. She would draw him in thinking he could defeat her and then…POW! She would injure him in some small way and seek his wrath. If she could piss him off enough to make him lose his temper, she would have him. Separate a man from his focus, or his penis and you can defeat him.
The two opponents circled slowly as they each devised a plan of attack. Cortindan was not impressed with this sorry excuse for a woman. He had been taken by surprise on the first encounter. She no longer had that element in her favor. As far as he was concerned she no longer had anything to offer him but the satisfaction of her untimely demise, or perhaps her violation. *Oh yes. That would be sweet victory indeed. She thought her friend had been ravaged, but she had no idea. She will soon learn.* He lunged at the raven-haired woman with great enthusiasm, for he now had an objective.
Xena was prepared for his move and acted in her best interest. She parried the shot just enough to avoid injury but without the strength to gain his attention. She wanted him to come closer. The web was being spun in earnest.
Cortindan grinned with the revelation that this woman was indeed an imposter posing in warrior's clothing. He had heard that the Amazon sluts were mighty warriors. Obviously he had heard wrong. This one was big and was no doubt one of the best that the Amazons had, but she was no match for him. He moved closer to his prey and with speed belying his size feinted at Xena's mid-section and then shifted his blade up slightly taking aim at her right shoulder. He was attempting to take her arm and her weapon from her. His goal was not to kill her right away but to make her very sorry that she had ever even seen his face.
The man was indeed fast but the Warrior Princess was nearly as strong and much swifter. With great dexterity she blocked the first feint and read the telegraphed attack to her shoulder. She moved with his sword and using his momentum against him blocked further out to her right leaving his sword blocking his body. Using her free left hand, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into her and catapulted her knee directly into his stomach. As he doubled over in surprise more than anything, the angry woman kicked him in the butt and pushed him to the side. *That should do it!* It did. She could have easily killed him at that moment but she had not come this far only to end it quickly. She had special plans for this one.
In a scream of fury the huge man leapt to his feet. Veins stood well away form his forehead and his eyes blazed in malignant hatred. That was enough! *No more toying with this worthless hag!* Cortindan swung his blade over his head and came straight at Xena swinging down with all of his might. The blow almost staggered the strong warrior but she had anticipated the maneuver and had braced her stance firmly beneath her. Cortindan's blade rang sharply as it deflected off. He raised it again and swung with more passion than the last. Again the woman of azure eyes was braced for the impact and again the blow glanced off harmlessly. The swinging blows continued as the warrior allowed the disgusting being to wear himself. When it became evident that he was beginning to tire the relentless warrior deflected one last blow and flipped over his head to land behind him. He spun in confusion and sweat dripped into his eyes. The tireless woman was not even breathing hard.
In his blindness Cortindan heard a blade ringing across flesh and there was a sudden rush of warmth running down his inner thigh. He grabbed for the center of his universe to be certain he was still intact. All was well except for the rather large gash running a line across his quad. It was deep but not life threatening. It was the last thing on his mind. The rage that coursed through his veins blocked out all remaining rational thought including any pain he might have suffered. His total concentration was focused on his opponent. He was beginning to realize, perhaps a bit too late, that he might have truly underestimated her. She was a woman there was no doubt to that but she displayed strategy like a man. *Who is this? Surely I should know.* He squinted his eyes in curiosity and disbelief.
"Who are you?" The question was incredulous as if he wanted to know but was in fear of the answer.
"Did I forget the formalities? Forgive me. I'm Xena. Ya know, Warrior Princess, Destroyer of Nations, Lion of Amphipolis." Xena grinned evilly as recognition began to seep into the rapist's mind.
Cortindan had heard of Xena but thought her to be the stuff of folklore. No WOMAN could do what she had. But there was little doubt that this was indeed her and he had made a grave mistake in his actions. His arrogance was going to cost him dearly.
All of these thoughts came in an instant which was all the time it took Xena to take the offensive in the battle. Raven hair flew as a mighty warrior raised her weapon, screamed her battle cry and lunged in hatred at the monster before her. "Ahhyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Yaaaaaaaah" Strike upon countless strike flew at the hapless giant. He was being shredded with precision even as he struggled in earnest to defend the lighting fast strikes. Xena was in a place she had never hoped to be again. But the dance of the battle coursed through her like liquid fire to her soul. She could not stop. Small cuts and deep punctures, none enough to kill, slowly eroded what was left of his skin. Kicks flew at him and he was helpless to defend against them. He felt his ribs give way and a sharp crack acknowledged the fractures.
Sweat and blood flew in a torrent around her and she relished in the lust of the battle. She was finished toying with him. The next blow she threw took his knees out from under him and he bowed before her reluctantly.
Xena grabbed him by the back of his hair forcing his head back. She glared at him with a piercing gaze of blue. "You disgust me!" She spit in his face. "Get up, slime."
He hesitated partly out of fear but mostly from weakness.
"Get up or I will run you through where you are."
The venom in her voice caused trembling fear to rise up out of the depths of the man's very soul. He had never felt this fear and came to a realization at that precise moment that he had put scores of men and women in this very place. Remorse struck him as if he had been slapped and he was dumbfounded. The epiphany caused him to cry out, "By the Gods! What have I done?" He climbed unsteadily to his feet
"What have you done?! What have you done! You have stolen the very innocence of the most pure woman to walk the land! You have destroyed anything and everything that could have been! AND I HATE YOU!" The swing was true and with one strike he lost his genitals and when that realization hit him he lost his head.
Days had passed and still Xena did not returned. Gabrielle didn't know how too feel anymore. She was healing on the outside but the inside was a torrential storm of anger, sadness and guilt. The days after she had awakened had been difficult to say the least. Her body had been wracked with fever that refused to abate. She and been conscious off and on but her sleep had been filled with dreams and terror. Each time she awoke reaching for her strength and support only to find her bed and her arms empty. The pain that had made a strong hold in her heart, was growing each passing moment threatening to make a permanent residence there. Artie was her only hold on reality. The kind hearted woman had cared for her with great patience. She had watched over her while she tossed and turned in delirium. She had held her when she awoke from the nightmares that had threatened to steal away her sanity.
"Thank you, whichever God sent her." Gabrielle thanked in secret the one responsible for her savior. *My savior. I always thought that would be you, Xena, but you're not here, are you. No. Just couldn't find it in that heart of yours to stick around when the going gets really hard, huh?* "I will never leave you, my ass."
"Are you speaking to me, Gabrielle?"
"Artie. I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in."
"It's alright, sweet one. How are you feeling today?"
"I am bored out of my mind. Can I get up yet?"
" Let me see." The slight red head put a cheek to Gabrielle's forehead and nodded her approval. "I think a small walk to the porch and back may be in order today. Remember that you will be very weak. Don't expect to be dancing in the town square any time soon."
"Artie, dancing is the LAST thing on my mind."
"Would you like to share with me what is on your mind?" Artie knew that the dreams the beautiful young woman had been having were not totally about the attack that had been made against her. She had screamed out in the fear that comes only from being abandoned. The Warrior had left her behind to heal and be protected but Gabrielle didn't see it or feel it that way. She had cried and sobbed in her sleep begging for Xena not to desert her. Her biggest fear coming to fruition. The warrior said she would return but Artie didn't think it would be enough. Her leaving had left Gabrielle with no emotional anchor.
"Artie I have so much on my mind I wouldn't know where to begin." Gabrielle dropped her head and golden bangs hung like curtains over her emerald eyes.
The sadness couldn't be hidden from the innkeeper. She reached out a hand and placed it under the chin of the bard. "Gabrielle, look at me."
Slowly Gabrielle raised her head and green eyes met each other. "I know your heart. I have heard your cries at night. You can't hide from me."
"I know." Gabrielle sighed and was hurt that Artie was the one that knew her pain. The one she wanted to help her through this had left her behind because of...it. *Damn!*
"She's coming back. I promise."
"Maybe, Artie, but at what price? She has proven to me my worth to her and that's not much." The anger was simmering just below the surface. It wouldn't be long before it boiled over.
"You listen to me! Xena is a different breed than the rest of us. What she does she does because she lives by a different code.."
"To Tartarus with her stupid code! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. She swore to me she would, and I quote, "never leave". Do you see her here?"
Though the question was rhetorical, Artie had to shake her head. Indeed, the warrior was not here.
"I rest my case."
"Your case may be made, but I beg you, please don't pass your judgement just yet."
"Why are you so interested in this? Why should you, a stranger, be so concerned." The blonde raised eyebrows in true curiosity.
"I was here when Xena brought you in and I know how this affected her. I wouldn't want to see you do something that you may one day regret."
"I think SHE already took care of that."
Artie was afraid that the small injured woman taking refuge at her inn was more than correct. *My, that Xena is a stubborn one. Thinks she can't change and then tries to prove it by doing things like leaving behind, for what ever reason, the one thing that can help her truly change.* It was not her job to worry about Xena. The task at hand for her now was to help the golden red head to heal. She would do all in her power make that a reality. She had made a promise and she would stand by that with her life.
"I'm ready."
"Umm?"
"I'm ready to go down to the porch."
"Alright, let's take it slow."
Gabrielle sat up slowly and tested her balance. She had tried two days ago to stand and had blacked out. She had a concussion true but there was more to her dizziness than the slight head injury. The high fever had taken its toll and left her very weak. This weakened state made it necessary to be assisted in just relieving herself then it was back to bed. Her fever had abated and food was staying on her stomach. Perhaps she had the strength today.
Artie got an arm behind her and hands grasped for balance. Gabrielle placed her feet on the floor and stood shakily to her feet. Her legs threatened to give way beneath her. She had suffered a great deal of physical distress that was taking its time in healing. There was green and yellow bruising that joined the swelling that had yet to go down on her face and sides. She could finally see clearly see from her eye. Her legs still had bruising coming to the surface. The blows had caused deep muscle trauma to her thighs and knees. Standing and walking was more than a simple act of a physical nature, it was an act of sheer will power on the part of the simple girl from Potedia. She was going to prove to herself and to The Warrior Princess that she could and would do it on her own. *Thank you very much.* This small act was the beginning of that journey.
The two women made their way across the room out to the stairs. Now came the true challenge. One unsteady step at a time the two small red headed women labored with one woman's struggle.
The air outside was a healing balm to Gabrielle's tormented soul. She had never been one for staying indoors. She was so used to traveling and sleeping under the stars it was as important to her well being as breathing. She took a deep breath and sat gently in the chair Artie provided. The sun felt like life itself. "Thank you, Gaia!"
"Can you behave yourself if I leave you out here alone?"
The golden haired beauty raised her head, amused eyes shining. "I promise not to scare off any would be customers with my threatening demeanor. And, I won't steal any sweets from passing children. Fair enough?"
"It will have to do for now. One other thing; NO Sword play in the town square!"
"Awww Artie, you're no fun at all!" A smile that had been rare as of late radiated from Gabrielle's face.
It was no wonder the strong warrior had gone to avenge this woman. Goodness shone from her in an almost visible fashion. Artie herself would have considered doing the same. Only AFTER the small woman had recovered. *Is it too late, Xena? I hope not.*
"Yes I am! Just not today! I'm very serious, Gabrielle. No trying to stand unless I or Bargus are here to help you."
"Yes ma'am."
"Good. If you need anything, I'll be right inside."
Gabrielle sat and took in the sights of the town. She wanted, so badly, to go visit the merchant across from where she was sitting. He was bargaining with every potential customer that came with in 15 meters of him. He was keeping the little bard amused with his banter, for which she was grateful. Her heart was still heavy, but being outside and listening to life going on around her, made her feel as if perhaps she would eventually recover.
A commotion just to her left caught her attention. Two large men were harassing a smaller over the price of a chicken. The argument was becoming heated and weapons were being drawn. Gabrielle stood to her feet quickly without thinking and her world faded away. Just as she lost consciousness and began to plummet she felt strong arms envelope her and lift her to safety. She had felt those arms around her a thousand times.
"Xen..." It was all she could get out before her reality slipped away.
Artie looked up in total shock as the warrior carried her precious cargo into the inn.
"Xena..."
"Hey Artie. Is it still the same room?"
'Uh, yes. Yes it is. What happened?"
"She seemed to think that an injured woman was the answer to a ruckus in the town square. She stood up a little too fast. She'll be fine."
"Well, I for one am pleased to see you. I am not sure your love there will have the same reaction."
"Thanks for the encouragement, Art. AND, to set you straight one more time, she_is_NOT_my _love!"
"Right. Whatever. Take her up to the room and I'll get some tea started."
Xena rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "'My love.' How wrong can one person be. I mean, yeah, I love her, but.....well...she doesn't....she doesn't...she just doesn't." Xena glanced down at the form in her arms. A tear escaped down her cheek and she felt the grief and guilt begin to build again. It was more than the warrior could take. She could ignore her feelings before; pretend that they were just a phase and in time they would fade. Now someone else knew of her love for the bard and it suddenly made it all very real. "Gods, Gabrielle, I am so sorry." The tall woman whispered through her tears. "Know this, my bard, I love you with every fiber of my being. If I could roll back the sun and change the world for you, I would do it." It was a shame that the small golden haired woman did not hear the deepest confession of the warrior's heart. It would have changed the world right then. Instead, the raven-haired woman locked up her feelings of love and hid the key so deeply that it would have taken a God to find it.
Xena ascended the stairs to the room that held Gabrielle's healing bed. She gently laid her down and retrieved a chair from the corner of the room. She had been alone with her thoughts all during the long return back. She had figured that her feelings and the torment in her soul would subside once she reached Gabrielle. Now, sitting alone in the same room with her, she knew those ideas to be false. The pain of what had been stolen from the both of them was nagging at the pit of her stomach. Artie's entrance to the room was a welcome relief to her ponderings.
"You look like Tartarus."
"Thanks again, Artie. Do you have any nice things to say in your repertoire."
"You have great taste in women."
"That helps. I feel sooo much better." Sarcasm dripped from Xena's voice.
"I'm having Bargus bring in another bed for you. I am guessing you haven't slept more than a few candle marks since you left. Here, drink this."
Xena lifted a leery eyebrow and glared at Artie. "Uh uh. I'm not sleeping 'til Gabrielle wakes up."
"Oh! Noooow you show an interest. Listen you big lug...."
"Watch your words innkeeper." Xena was practically growling. She was exhausted and full of anger. Not a good combination in anyone , especially an ex-warlord.
"I'm not afraid of you young lady! So, give up the attitude!"
"YOUNG LADY!" Xena stood quickly to her full height.
She towered over the small woman, but Artie did not back down. She stood eyeball to shoulder with the warrior and held her ground. Xena glared and Artie huffed. Xena finally realized that she could never raise a hand to this bold lady any more than she could have to Gabrielle.
Bargus appeared with the extra mattress just in time to see Xena back down from his boss. He was glad he had missed the fun. He wouldn't want to see either one of the strong willed women pissed.
Xena plopped herself down with a haughty action. "Humph. Women! You're all the same.'
"Right back at you. Now, drink this and lay down. Gabrielle will be here when you wake up."
Xena took the cup and drank. 'Whatever."
=/~~~~~~~~~>
Gabrielle let one green eye slide open and she peered off to the side and the bard thought she saw a weary warrior in the bed next to hers. She figured she was dreaming and closed her eye and drifted back to Mopheus realm. Several candle marks later she came more fully awake and found it was not a dream. She reached out one tentative hand and caressed a tanned cheek. "It's nice to see you." She whispered so that none save herself and a sleeping Xena could hear.
Xena slept on through the night and late into the next day. It was not like her, but then she was no longer the person she used to be.
Gabrielle had been fully awake for a long time watching the woman next to her sleep, waiting to see the blue eyes that she had missed. Her thoughts were a mass of confusion and conflicting emotions. She was happy that Xena was safe and present, but the bard was feeling, quite deeply, some anger and not a little bitterness. She wanted to grab the warrior and shake the living day lights out of her. Smacking her up side the head seemed like a good idea, too. *It might knock some sense into her.* Then again, Xena had taken her share of head whacks and she still didn't have a clue sometimes.
With a deep breath and a stretch, Xena finally came up from the depths of slumber.
"Well, look who's alive. Sleep well?"
Xena refused to meet the face of the woman speaking to her. For some reason, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. If she looked at Gabrielle, all of the love, pain, grief and everything else, would show the bard her very heart and that was not going to happen. She refused to let it.
"Yeah, I did. Thanks."
"I should hope so. You have been asleep almost a full day. That little trip you took must have taken it out of you." Gabrielle was none to kind in her tone of voice. The remark came out a little more angry than she had intended. The emotion was true, she just didn't want to begin a fight she had no energy to finish.
The anger held in the words was not lost on Xena, but she didn't let on that she had noticed.
"It was.....a difficult excursion. I brought you something." The dark haired woman rose from the bed and moved across the room to where her bags had been placed at some point since her arrival. She picked up a leather pack and handed it to Gabrielle.
Gabrielle took the pack from Xena's hand and tried to catch her eye. Xena wouldn't even look at her. *I was right. She can't even look at me she is so disgusted.* She opened the pack and was overwhelmed by the contents. It was her staff. The sections wrapped and placed with care in its soft leather case. In spite of herself she grabbed Xena's hand and squeezed. There were tears welling up in her emerald eyes and she put the hand to her cheek.
"Thank you. I can't tell you what this means to me. Just...well, thank you."
Xena couldn't tell Gabrielle what it meant to her as well. She longed to reach out and return the small gesture of kindness, but she couldn't. Instead she pulled her hand away and turned her back. "You're welcome. I collected from the campsite the important things and left the rest."
"My staff was there?"
"Uhh, no. I had to go find it."
"Where was it?"
Xena took a long time deciding what, if anything, she should tell the bard. She decided the less the better. "You don't want to know."
"Ah. And you now decide for me what is good for me to know and what is not. I see. You came to this conclusion, how exactly?" As much as she didn't want to vent her anger at the warrior, it was becoming apparent it would be impossible. She had held her emotions in check for so long they seemed to be leaking out of her very pores.
Blue eyes, full of hurt at the harsh words, rose slowly to finally meet green eyes brimming with anger. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Xena didn't get a chance to finish the sentence.
"Mean to what? To hurt me! To upset me! To abandon me!" Her eyes flew open wide at the implication. Gabrielle wished she could retrieve the words the second they left her mouth.
"Gabrielle, I.."
"Save it Xena. I don't have the strength to fight with you. I am sure you have better things to do with your time anyway. Thanks for getting my staff back. I am sure someone is either dead or maimed because of it. Maybe you're right. I don't need the details."
"Gabrielle, listen. I know we have some things we need to talk about. But, we can't do it at each other's throat. Can we call a truce for the moment?"
"Yeah. I can't fight on an empty stomach anyway."
Xena smirked in spite of herself. "I'll get changed and see what Artie can scrounge up for us."
Xena changed into her leathers and made the trip downstairs. This was not going well, was all she could think. Gabrielle was more than a little angry with her and she supposed with good reason. She had let the little bard down. The guilt that waged war inside of her festered. *If only I had taken her with me when she had asked this whole situation would never have happened. Did I ever mess up. Left her alone at the camp and then left her here. What is wrong with me? I just had to run off and play warrior. Sad thing is I liked it. Watching that worm grovel was true revenge.* The memory of Cortindan's face the final seconds of his life brought a satisfied if somewhat evil grin to Xena's face.
"What's got you lookin' like you swallowed the magic beans?" The woman behind the counter couldn't let the smirk on Xena's face go without comment.
"Swallowed the what?" Xena sat down at the bar and gave the innkeeper a confused look.
"Never mind. What are you thinking about? You had a funny look on your face."
"Nothing really."
"Xena, this is me you're talking to."
"Artie, did I ever mess up." Xena put her fingertips on her eyebrows and tried to rub the headache away. "I mean everything. I left Gabrielle alone out of pure selfishness. I just had to have time alone. And look what happened."
"Xena, you couldn't help what happened out there. Stop beating yourself up for it. What you need to admit is that you were wrong about leaving her alone with me."
Xena took a deep breath. Indeed, as much as she had relished in giving evil it's due, she knew she was wrong. And on top of that, she had let her dark side take over at the very time Gabrielle had needed her most. She hadn't changed. She was playing at doing and being good. The bard had been her light in the darkness. The minute something had threatened that light she had reverted to her old ways. Ares was right. She could never truly change. She belonged to war.
"Yep."
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing I can do. She hates me. Can't change it. Won't try. "
"Great. That should make life for you two just wonderful."
"And just what would you have me do?" Xena threw up her hands in frustration.
"Talking is always a good start."
"We tried to talk and she jumped down my throat. She is sweet, but that mouth can be razor sharp when she's mad. Let me tell you, she is mad enough to string me up."
"Give her some time. She'll come around."
"I don't think so. This is different. She's been angry with me before, but this, this is different. She is seething. She's hiding it well, mostly because she's weak. I can't see any forgivness in her eyes. And you know what?" Xena peered up at Artie, tears welling up in crystal blue eyes.
Artie shook her head in response.
"I can't blame her." A lone tear slowly laid a trail down a high cheekbone.
Despite their differences, Artie felt deeply for the warrior. She placed a hand on Xena's head and hoped the warrior was wrong.
The days and weeks went by and Gabrielle's body healed but her heart did not. The anger she had for Xena wouldn't let her go. The fact that Xena refused to spend more time with her than was absolutely necessary wasn't helping. She knew Xena couldn't stand to be around her, but she could at least be civil. It was just making matters worse. The warrior spent more nights in the stable with Argo than she did in the room with her. *She loves that stupid horse more than she does me. What am I saying? She doesn't have any love for me. She never did.* She wanted to cry but her fury held her tears in check. *Why did this all have to happen? I want my life back. I want Xena back! The one that was my friend. The one that kept me safe. I don't want this stranger who hates me!* "Yaaaaa!"
"You O.K.?"
Gabrielle started. She hadn't heard Xena enter the room.
"Can't you knock?"
"It's my room, too. Why should I knock?"
"You wouldn't know it's your room. You're never in it."
"You know I've been up and out hunting early. I don't want to disturb your rest." She knew it was a bad excuse. True, hunting was her way of paying Artie, but Gabrielle could sleep through anything. Her rising early included. She was trying to give the bard the space she wanted without causing too much friction. Gabrielle didn't want her around but complained when she spent her time away. It was really her guilt that kept her on the hunt longer than was necessary. It gave her a reason to avoid looking into the hurt gaze of her bard. *My bard. There is an expression that is losing meaning. That Gabrielle was lost because of my stupidity.*
"Xena, stop with the excuses. I know you don't want to be in here with me. So save it. O.K."
"Gabrielle, look, we need to talk. It's not that I don't want to be in here with you. It's that we can't seem to be decent to each other. You can't hold your tongue to save your life."
"OH! So we're going to blame this all on me. That's just great! You sure know how to make a girl feel wonderful. Let me tell you something "Warrior Princess"! You're as much to blame here as I am! NO! Let me rephrase that. You are totally to blame here!"
Gabrielle didn't really think or feel that Xena was completely to blame but she was so angry now that logic was quickly going out the window. The fiery red-head continued;
"YOU left me in that clearing by myself, even after I suggested that we go together. YOU never listen to a word I say! YOU always have to do things YOU'RE way, no matter the consequence! YOU left me here, near death, to go do Gods know what . Dammit Xena, did you even stop for one second to think about someone besides yourself?"
"Gabrielle, you don't know how sorry I am..."
"STOP! Don't say you're sorry. What I really DON'T need here is your pity. I needed your support and you left. I found out in quick order exactly what I mean to you. NOTHING! Why did you even bother to come back?"
Xena dropped her head and could say nothing. The bard didn't understand that what had happened to her, in a way, had happened to the warrior. The woman she loved with abandon, had been violated and that violation was taken personally by Xena. She had wanted revenge not only for Gabrielle, but for herself as well. AND that was the truth of the matter. Xena had been selfish in her actions and she deserved to pay for those mistakes. Even if it meant giving up the bard. It was obvious that Gabrielle didn't want her around, she would not stay where she was not wanted.
Xena moved across the room to her belongings. With great effort she picked up her pack and saddlebag. Without saying one word in her defense she walked to the door.
"Where are you going?"
Xena just looked at Gabrielle one last time and walked out the door and down the stairs.
Gabrielle yelled after her the tears apparent in her voice.
"I guess 'never leave' doesn't apply to rape! Eh, Xena! COWARD!" Gabrielle slammed the door.
The last word was the deepest cut. The truth is the worst conviction.
THE END