Jewl sighed, looking around at the house's large porch. She missed her son, and knew Johanna would be disappointed by his absence. Lorna had practically begged her to leave Daniel with her, wanting to spend time with him. Jewl sighed.
In the first weeks after Joseph's death, watching her mother in law age ten years before her eyes had saddened Jewl even more. The bags under Lorna's eyes were prominent, and the sadness had dulled the bright blue of her eyes. Lorna had always looked much younger than her fifty-three years, but the loss of her only son had taken something from her that she was just now starting to get back with the help of her grandson.
Lorna had moved into Joseph and Jewl's house with Jewl when Jewl had left the hospital and the younger woman had been more than happy to have her close. Lorna hardly left the house, and when she did, it was only for a brief moment. When she visited Johanna, it was only for a short time and she returned home right away. Jewl suspected that she was feeling smothered by the sympathy constantly expressed by Illuminations' people. She and Lorna were still receiving flowers at home from well-wishers; it was getting so that they had to throw flowers out with the garbage every single day.
Jewl hated the attention, but she was grateful that people cared. She was sure Daniel would always know what a wonderful man his father was, not only from she and Lorna, but from everyone else too.
Jewl rang the doorbell again. Frowning, she sidestepped and took a peek through the window close to the door. She could see into the living room, where Johanna spent a lot of her time during the day. The sheer curtains made looking in difficult but there was no movement that she could catch. Johanna hadn't told her about having to do anything today, as she always made sure to do when they spoke at night. Maybe they went out, she thought as she pulled away from the window and rang the bell again. A crashing noise made her pause, and a muffled, though loud, cry set her heart racing.
"Johanna?" She called out, pressing her face against the window glass again.
"Jewl!"
Jewl heart fluttered again. "Hold on, Johanna! I'm here!" She yelled against the glass, hoping her friend could hear her. Jewl tried the doorknob, but it was locked. The window, she thought, looking around. There was a pot on the porch close to the steps, and she knew it would be good enough. She fumbled in her jacket pocket, pulling out her cellular. Dialing 911, she bent down and took the pot.
After giving the necessary information to the operator, she slipped the phone back into her pocket. "Sorry, Johanna, Billie," She whispered as she swung back and slammed the pot into the window, sending glass flying everywhere. "Hold on, Johanna, I'm coming!" She reached through the hole to open the lock with her left hand. Yanking her hand back with a loud curse, she only took a second to look at the blood dripping copiously from her fingers. She'd cut a huge gash across her palm, and she was sure she could see bone; most importantly, she couldn't feel four fingers of the five.
With her good hand, she reached in carefully, unlocking the window. She pushed the window up. She slipped into the house carefully, holding her injured hand to her chest. She ran over to the couch, stopping abruptly at the sight. There was blood all over the couch and rug, and Johanna was clutching her stomach and crying. Taking a deep calming breath, Jewl knelt next to Johanna and whispered: "Take deep breaths, Jo."
The sound of the ambulance was a godsend, since she had no idea of what to do. She ran to the front door and opened it, moving to the side as two EMS workers followed Johanna's cries, a stretcher between them. She leaned back against the wall, sighing in relief. "Jewl, Jewl!" Johanna's frantic voice rang over the voices of the emergency workers.
Jewl ran back into the living room. She could cry at the pain contorting her friends' beautiful face. She thought ruefully of how glad she was that she hadn't been aware during Daniel's birth.
"Call Billie, please!" Johanna pleaded, just as the female worker placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth.
Jewl nodded, watching as they carefully lifted her onto the stretcher. She followed them out of the house and pulled her cellular phone out with her good hand. The sheriff was pulling up to the house just as the ambulance was leaving.
Tanya Jorgensen hurried up the steps towards Jewl. She was about to speak when she noticed Jewl's bloody hand and pale face. She could see that the young woman was in shock. "Come on, you need to get that looked at." She said slowly, closing the door and guiding Jewl towards her cruiser.
"I need to call Billie Jordan at the travel agency." Jewl explained as she walked, dialing.
"Okay, but you can call on the way." Tanya said, steering Jewl to the passenger side and opening the door for her. She drove away at top speed.
Chapter Eight
The nurse didn't hesitate in wrapping her arms around the young, and oh so very attractive, doctor's neck. She knew quite a few women who would claw her eyes out if they found out she got so lucky. God, even the straight ones are practically drooling over her! "Whenever you want, Leo," She said, pushing out her chest to bring Leo's attention to her breasts.
It worked, and Leo's eyes went to down to the large globes. "Damn," she whispered admiringly, taking a deep calming breath. "You have to get up, before I attack you."
Demy smiled coyly, delighted at the flare of Leo's nostrils. "And that's bad because…" She teased; she was infinitely proud of the effect she was having on the doctor. Leo's dark eyes were smoldering fire, her upper lip curled up slightly and the tips of her ears had turned bright red as soon as Leo's eyes landed on Demy's breasts. She stood up, pulling Leo up after her by the hand.
"I need all the time in the world, honey," Leo said huskily. "For what I want to do to you."
Demy could have melted at the words and her tone of voice, and she felt the heat rush through her body. She drew her hands behind the much taller doctor's graceful neck and yanked her head down for a full-blown kiss.
"Doctor Leona Martinez, please report to Obstetrics. This is an emergency. Doctor Leona Martinez, Obstetrics."
Demy groaned in disappointment as the Doctor pulled back and ran out of the office.
?
Margo watched Billie pace the waiting room, her agitation apparent to anyone. She sat stock still, except that her right foot tapped a nervous rhythm on the tile floor. Jewl Marquee's phone call to them had been calm, but Billie still panicked, and Margo had had to take charge to get her to the hospital. Sheriff Jorgensen then informed Margo that Jewl Marquee had also been taken to the hospital with a badly injured hand, and that nerve damage was a possibility. Thanks to Tanya, Margo knew exactly what had happened.
?
"You really should consider taking these painkillers with you, Mrs. Marquee. When that local fades, you're going to be in a lot of pain," The emergency room nurse, Marie, said gently to the stubborn young woman. Jewl Marquee was experiencing a mild case of shock; her system had shut down and refused to acknowledge the injured hand. Marie could not let her go without at least something to numb the pain once it became unbearable.
"No, thank you," Jewl said firmly, trying to slip on her new shirt, a hospital scrub shirt, over her head.
Marie sighed. Dealing with stubborn people could be trying sometimes.
Jewl sighed back, eyebrows down. Her injured hand was in a sling, up against her chest in order to prevent any movement. Pills weren't an alternative she'd allow herself to take. As the years had passed, and after her son was born, Jewl realized that pills weren't an answer. If she'd have to put up with the pain or get a local anesthetic every day, she would do it; but she would not take pills. "Can I get the checkout paperwork?" She asked, still struggling with the shirt. She refused the nurse's offer of help.
Marie shook her head as she retrieved the paperwork from the desk.
?
Billie looked up as Jewl entered the waiting room. Her eyes flickered to Jewl's chest, where the lump of her left arm stuck out, and her brows furrowed.
"I had to break into your house," She said, nodding a greeting at Margo, who was on her cellular speaking quietly. "How is she?"
Billie took a deep breath, shrugging. "Dr. Martinez came in a couple of hours ago and said that they were going for a C-section. One of the babies isn't positioned right, and it's the first one in line. The wall of Jo's uterus split from the strain and she's bleeding internally." She whispered in a monotone, though inside she felt like her heart was going to explode.
"I'm sure she'll be okay, Billie," Jewl said softly, making an effort to hold back the tears. Johanna had become someone important in her life, her only friend aside from Lorna. When Joseph had died, Johanna had helped both Jewl and Lorna with an unwavering strength that got them through the first couple of months. Now Jewl had to be strong for Billie.
?
Lorna hung up the phone, hand shaking. Margo had called her with the news that Johanna had gone into labor and that there was some difficulty. She closed her eyes and conjured an image of her son. If you can hear me, wherever you are, Joseph, please help them. These babies are the only things that I have left of you. Her eyes went to the peacefully sleeping Daniel.
Chapter Nine
Jewl saved her the trouble. "How are they?"
Billie felt the air leave her lungs when the doctor smiled. Her tense limbs softened and her legs began to tremble. She wasn't sure who it was that touched her back, but she was grateful to have the support.
¨
Slowly, Johanna became aware of her surroundings. She frowned without opening her eyes, the beeping sound next to her head annoying her. She shifted slightly, feeling a sharp pain run across her lower abdomen, but mentally shrugged it off; it was nothing compared to the labor pains. Her eyes shot open at that thought and she tried to sit up, only to fall back, tears in her eyes. She clenched her teeth, lying rigid until the pain lessened, gasping for breath as her eyes darted around the room. She was alone, but Johanna could see Billie's jacket hanging neatly on the visitor's chair. There was a vase of flowers on the bedside table, but Johanna could not appreciate them. She looked at the buttons on the railings and found one for the nurse's station.
Not more than twenty seconds passed before a smiling nurse entered the room, a portly woman in her forties. "It's great to see you're awake, Ms. Mason-Lee!"
"Where are my babies?" Johanna asked, her voice trembling. "Are they okay?"
The nurse smiled, her eyes reassuring as she checked Johanna's IV and heart monitor. She then took Johanna's hand and squeezed it gently before checking her pulse. "Dr. Martinez is on her way to talk to you. I paged her as soon as you rang."
"Please tell me about the babies," Johanna pleaded. "Where is my partner?"
"Your babies are doing great." Johanna looked towards the doorway. Dr. Martinez entered the room, smiling widely as she scanned Johanna's chart. "A healthy baby boy and girl. Your partner just went to see them."
Johanna felt the panic slowly subside. The doctor's confidence was more reassuring than her words. "Thank you."
"Katherine, why don't you go and call Ms. Jordan back? I'm sure she'd like to know that her partner is awake."
When the nurse left the room, Johanna asked the doctor: "Can I sit up?"
"It will hurt. You've had a C-section. The baby boy was coming out the wrong way and there was some bleeding in your uterus, which we've taken care of. The point is you'll be tender."
Johanna met the doctor's eyes, thinking that the doctor must be magic. Her brown eyes seemed to hold a light there that Johanna was sure many wanted to touch. "Thank you," she said, her eyes filling with tears. The magic shone again when the doctor smiled.
"You're welcome, and congratulations on the new additions to your family." Leo said.
There was a sound at the door and Billie entered the room. Feeling her emotions bubbling in her chest, Johanna reached out for Billie, sobbing softly when her wife leaned down and kissed her firmly on the lips. Billie's eyes were full of tears when she pulled back to look at Johanna.
"You are magic," she whispered, unknowingly echoing Johanna's earlier thoughts about the doctor. "Those beautiful little angels came out of you! I love you!"
"I love you too, Billie."
The two women didn't notice when Leo walked out, a smile on her face, and wondering what it would feel like to be a parent and in love. She was glad to have been there to help these two women achieve their dream of a family.
?
Jewl winced as she sat down. The local anesthetic was wearing off. Margo had offered her some painkillers, insisting until Jewl decided to lie so that she wouldn't have to explain why she wouldn't take the pills. She knew she should at least take some Aspirin, but after her intentional overdose years before, she refused to depend on pills.
Jewl looked up when the double doors of the waiting room swung open. Her heart picked up pace when Leo entered the waiting room, alone, and with a shy smile on her face. Jewl wished Margo hadn't left to go to the cafeteria; at least she wouldn't be alone with the attractive doctor. The only times she'd seen the doctor alone had been when she'd taken Daniel in for his monthly check ups, and she'd always left feeling flustered and out of sorts. Jewl knew that the doctor was interested in her, and that made her nervous. The doctor had tried to talk to her after their appointments but Jewl always left in a hurry. The possibility of going out with another woman confused and scared her. The only woman she'd been with was Billie, and that had been many years ago.
She almost stopped breathing when their eyes met. Then Leo sat down next to her, thankfully moving her eyes away. Jewl said nothing, afraid that her voice would fail her and she'd embarrass herself.
"How is your hand?" Leo asked, half turning to look at her.
"It's there," Jewl managed around the frog in her throat.
"I bet it hurts."
Jewl nodded, still not looking at her. "I know this sounds stupid, considering what my hand looks and feels like right now, but I don't want to take any pills," she said.
"I understand," Leo said. "I've had some patients who don't like to take any medicine, no matter how sick or in pain they are."
Jewl looked over at her, the pain in her hand momentarily forgotten. "Thank you for saving my friend," She said simply. She couldn't keep her eyes from roaming the doctor's face, taking in every attractive feature. It was strange, to feel attracted to another woman, after only feeling attraction to one woman. Jewl knew that too many things had been going on inside her head for her to be able to feel any attraction towards anyone else, but now it was different. With Joseph's help, she had been able to make peace with many things in her life. One had been losing Billie, whom she had felt was her only salvation from her father and from living a double life. Joseph helped her realize that moving on was necessary, that love came in many ways. She hadn't been in love with him, but she loved him and had come to adore him in their short time together.
"Penny for your thoughts."
Jewl turned questioning eyes in Leo's direction.
"You looked so far away all of a sudden."
"Oh, I was thinking about my husband," Jewl said, surprising herself about her openness. The only people with whom she was open about her thoughts and feelings were Johanna and Lorna, and that was rarely. That she so readily volunteered her thoughts to a stranger, even if she was her son's pediatrician, surprised her. Aside from the strong attraction she felt, Jewl could sense that Leo was someone she could come to trust if she allowed her close enough.
"What about your husband? What made you think of him?"
Jewl smiled. "You," She said. "I don't know why, though." Leo nodded as if satisfied with the answer, but Jewl could see the open curiosity in her eyes.
"I'd like you to have dinner with me, and I won't take no for an answer."
Jewl opened her mouth to protest, but Leo cut her off hurriedly.
"At least have lunch then. It doesn't have to mean anything, I just want to know you, to talk to you."
Jewl could do nothing but stare at Leo, indecision and attraction warring within her. What would people think of her if she went out with a notorious lesbian who was known to seduce the pants off of even straight women? In her short time in town, Leo had already cut through a wide swath of women. There were many nursing broken hearts. The thought sobered Jewl up and her eyes narrowed. "I am not like those women in town," she said, making her voice firm. "I won't be one of your conquests. I'll have lunch with you, but the minute I feel you're trying to seduce me, I'll change doctors so fast, that the only times you'll see me will be when I pass you by in the street." She felt satisfied when Leo's eyes widened.
"You have nothing to worry about."
Jewl looked at her a moment longer before nodding, satisfied that the doctor was telling the truth. She looked away after a moment, her mind racing. She'd been determined to shoot down Leo's invitation, but as she'd started speaking and Leo's eyes had shown disappointment, it had been as if her mouth had developed a mind of its own.
"So," Leo's voice brought her back to the moment. "When?"
Jewl fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Let me make sure my friend is out alright and we'll speak." She said, a smile threatening to emerge.
Chapter Ten
"What's going on, Jewl? You seem to be a million miles away."
Jewl looked up at Lorna. "Oh," She said, and looked down at her laughing son. She tried to remember what she'd been playing with him and came up with a blank. Thoughts of Leo and her invitation were wreaking havoc in her mind, and not speaking with anyone about it was not helping. She wondered how open she could be with her mother in law. She knew that Lorna was aware that she had once been in love and had had a relationship with Billie, but how would she react if she found out that Jewl was attracted to yet another woman? Would she feel like Jewl was betraying her son? She and Lorna had grown closer after Joseph died, and Jewl would hate to lose her love and support.
"Jewl?"
Jewl heard the growing concern in Lorna's voice and snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh, I'm sorry," She said. Her son screamed, lifting chubby arms at her. She smiled and lifted him up with her good hand, kissing him gently at the top of his red hair. She looked back at Lorna to find the older woman, whose eyebrows lifted expectantly. "Dr. Martinez asked me out to lunch," she finally said.
Lorna's eyebrows lifted even more. "Okay, but what has you so distracted? It's only lunch.
Surprised by Lorna's calm reaction, Jewl took a deep breath. She gently bounced a fussy Daniel, who reached for her hair and began to pull. "The problem is that I'm attracted to her, and I don't want to lose you." Jewl couldn't look at her.
"Why would you lose me?"
The question surprised Jewl. She looked up to see a confused expression on Lorna's face. "I feel like I'm betraying him… and you."
"Joseph knew who you were when he married you," Lorna replied. "He knew that you were a lesbian. He wouldn't deny you your happiness."
"But people will talk, Lorna, people will-"
"Who cares what they say!" Lorna scoffed, cutting Jewl off. "I'm not one for appearances. Your happiness is more important. What your father did to you was horrible and unforgivable. He made you afraid to be who you are." Jewl felt a surge of warmth at the furious look that hardened Lorna's face on her behalf. "Jean Carl is dead, and it doesn't help to be angry at him. Joseph knew what he was choosing when he married you. He knew you didn't love him the way he loved you. He made his choices, now you make yours. Can you hide who you are anymore? Doesn't it kill you to lie to people? What about when men come knocking expecting you to welcome them?"
Jewl clenched her jaw. Every word Lorna said touched something deep within her. The cage she'd built for herself was pressing in on her. She couldn't be with another man; it was against her nature.
"Think about how happy Mike Rosenbloom is. Margo Tanner, Sheriff Jorgensen, Dr. Martinez," Lorna said and smiled.
Jewl felt a surge of heat rush up her neck onto her face and knew she was blushing.
"What about Billie and Johanna. Even though Billie lost her mother, she's been happy. Every one of them is free."
Jewl felt her eyes well up with tears. "It's only lunch," She said, fighting through the thickness in her throat.
"It's a great start," Lorna said softly, encouragingly.
¨¨¨¨¨
Johanna, with Billie's assistance, leaned back against the headboard. She had been released from the hospital only an hour before, and the babies would be joining them at home soon. Billie was only waiting for Jewl and Lorna to arrive before she headed back to the hospital to pick them up. Johanna smiled as Billie sat on the edge of the bed facing her. Johanna could see the joy in her lover's eyes, and she felt a surge of happiness. Our babies, she thought.
"Lorna and Jewl should be here soon," Billie said.
Johanna's smile grew. Jonathan and Lola, as they'd decided to name the babies, would be home soon and she couldn't wait. She missed them, even though she'd seen them less than two hours before. "I can't wait! We didn't really get to spend time with them at the hospital."
"Well, they were in the incubator most of the time."
"I know, but it wasn't enough time for me."
"I know, for me either, but we'll have enough time to spend with them for a long time to come."
"Yes," Johanna said, wondering how she could explain to Billie her fear: that she'd lose them early, like Lorna had lost Joseph. She never thought that being a mother would bring all this extra baggage. It was like her heart was swelling with all the love in the world and it was directed to them.
"What is it?" Billie asked, and Johanna looked back up at her.
"Nothing," Johanna answered, mentally shaking off her thoughts. "Did you call the lawyer?"
"Yes, and I made an appointment for Monday next week in the morning. She's going to bring all the paperwork for us to sign."
"That's great! And what happens after that?"
"The social worker comes to look around, see if I'm capable as a second parent, and all that stuff."
"I hope it doesn't take long. I want the babies to be protected in case something happens to me."
"Don't talk like that, nothing's going to happen. I know that's some of the reason we're doing the second parent adoption, but I'm their parent too, not just a guardian if something happens to you."
"I know, Billie," Johanna said, touching her lover's hand. "But I can't help but think that way now." She sighed. "I can't believe we're parents now."
Billie chuckled. "I know, who would have thought it?" The doorbell rang, and Billie stood up after giving Johanna a sweet kiss on the lips. "That would be them."
Johanna watched Billie walk out of the room, increasingly excited about having their babies home with her.
Jewl rang the doorbell and stepped back. Lorna joined her, a squirming Daniel in her arms. The door opened and Billie welcomed them with a smile, taking a giggling Daniel from Lorna, who took off her jacket. "Hi Danny," she said, and lifted him over her head.
Jewl watched as her son giggled, holding himself stiff in his winter gear. Billie was good with him, like Jewl imagined Joseph would have been. She felt a pang of sadness that Joseph would never know his son, and that Daniel would never know what a wonderful man his father was.
"Let's get you out of these. What do you say?" Billie was saying, bringing Daniel back down into her arms. She handed him to Lorna, who began removing his jacket with one hand.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it to the hospital," Lorna said. Billie smiled and waved off Lorna's apology.
Jewl smiled as Billie approached her. Jewl allowed her to help with removing her jacket, and turned as Billie hung it on the coat rack before turning back to her.
"How's your hand?"
Touched by Billie's genuine concern, Jewl said: "It's there."
"Does it hurt a lot?"
"Not any more," Jewl lied, imagining that to some extent, Billie must have felt guilty for the injury to her hand. Further examination showed that there was some nerve damage, but Jewl didn't care; having been able to help her friend had been worth it. The most difficult thing about her injury was that holding her son was difficult, and sometimes very painful.
Billie could tell that Jewl was lying to make her feel better, and she appreciated the attempt. Even though many years had passed before she'd been civil to Jewl, she felt she still knew Jewl pretty well. What she couldn't figure out, though, was if Jewl was still attracted to women. Johanna never said anything to her about the time she and Jewl spent together, and Billie never asked. Realizing that she was staring at the other woman, who'd begun to look uncomfortable, Billie cleared her throat, stepping back. "Well, I, uh, better go. The nurses were readying the babies for me. I just, I really want to say thank you again. If you hadn't been here that day…"
Jewl lifted her good hand to stop her. "I'm glad I was here too." She inhaled deeply for the first time in many seconds.
"Thanks for staying with Jo."
"It's our pleasure, Billie," Lorna replied, eyeing Jewl carefully.
Jewl noticed and avoided her mother in law's eyes. She walked over and picked Daniel up with her good arm. "I'll go see Johanna," she said, avoiding both women's eyes. Jewl berated herself all the way down the hall. She'd felt her heart skip a beat when Billie stared at her all those seconds. She knew Billie hadn't been staring at her out of desire, but to be under the scrutiny of those intense eyes had been unnerving.
Chapter Eleven
"I'm glad you finally met me for lunch," Leo said, grinning.
Jewl shrugged, looking around surreptitiously.
Leo looked around too. They were getting a few looks from other diners. She watched Jewl pick up her menu and stare down at it, not really reading it.
"People will talk," Jewl said.
"Do you care?" Leo asked. She didn't really care about herself, because she was out, but if Jewl cared, she'd get up and walk away.
Jewl looked up at Leo, a contemplative look on her face. "Not anymore," she said slowly.
Leo smiled in relief. "That's great then," she said. "Lets eat."
¨
After lunch, Leo asked Jewl to walk with her for a while. "Rosenbloom is a great place." She said.
Jewl nodded. She was nervous. Being alone with Leo had been something she'd avoided in the past. The doctor made her nervous. She was so attractive, cocky, and she obviously wanted Jewl in her bed. At the restaurant, her eyes had never left Jewl's, and now, as they walked, she constantly glanced over at her.
"You don't have to be nervous, Jewl." Leo said gently, bringing her out of her thoughts. "They'll get over it."
Jewl looked over at Leo, momentarily forgetting her nervousness in her confusion. "What?"
"People here, they'll get over your sexuality. Or they'll just think you're one of the many otherwise straight women I seduced." Leo said, smiling.
Jewl got it. "Oh!" She said quickly. "That's not why I'm nervous-" She bit her lower lip and grimaced. She'd said too much.
A smile slowly spread over Leo's face. "Do I make you nervous?" She asked.
Jewl decided not to answer, knowing that her attraction to Leo had never been a secret between them. She took the lead and guided them towards the park, her nerves slowly calming as they walked in silence.
Leo didn't press the other woman, knowing that she'd lose any chance she had to at least be Jewl's friend. She was also very attracted to her, and if Jewl eventually consented to become a friend with benefits that would be a great feat on Leo's part. At the park, Leo followed Jewl to a bench, where they sat down next to each other. They pulled their jackets tight around themselves as a chill breeze touched across their exposed skin. It was still a beautiful day and Leo was able to ignore the chill as the bright sunshine beamed down on them. "What's on your mind?" Leo finally asked.
Jewl glanced over at Leo and then at passersby, who were eyeing them with open curiosity. "I'm thinking of how strange it is that I'm not afraid to be seen around town with a known lesbian. The build up to this moment was more frightening than the actual event, you know?" She smiled softly. "I wasted a lot of years being afraid. It's not that I regret my son, or even marrying my husband, but I lived my life through other people's expectations, and not my own."
Leo listened intently, interested in learning what was in Jewl's mind. "This is a great start towards a new life," She said encouragingly.
Jewl's face softened even more as she smiled. "My mother in law said the same thing to me the other day," she said.
"You talked to your mother in law about this?" Leo asked, shocked.
"Lorna is like my best friend," Jewl explained. "Aside from Johanna, she's my only friend."
"Wow," Leo said, marveling at that. "She doesn't care that you're a lesbian and still married her son?"
Jewl shook her head. "She's always known about me, and Joseph did too. We never really talked about it, but they knew."
"So why marry you?" Leo asked, even more confused by Joseph Marquee. "Did he think he could turn you straight?"
"No. I think he only loved me," She seemed as confused as Leo felt. "He wanted to be close to me, and to make it easier for me. Coming out wasn't an option I'd considered. He didn't even want sex. When I approached him, he was so shocked and unsure."
Leo pondered Jewl's words and wondered at this. Joseph Marquee didn't sound like a man hell-bent on turning a lesbian straight. From what she'd heard around town, he was better than any man. Many months after his death, people still spoke of him as he was only out of town, and not dead.
"We became even closer after the first time," Jewl continued, recapturing Leo's attention. "Joseph saved me from getting lost in myself, from dying, and I grabbed onto him like a lifeline."
"Why were you so afraid to be out?" Leo asked, turning towards Jewl, one leg crossed over the other at the ankle.
"My father," Jewl said without hesitation, her voice suddenly dripping resentment. "He'd been dead for more than ten years, but he still ruled my life. He must have suspected something about me because he'd talk about those 'dirty homos' any chance that he got. He'd tell me how much everyone hated them and wished they were dead. Sometimes there would be gay bashings, and of course the whole town would hear about it. But eventually Illuminations grew out of that, and while the town moved ahead, and the bashings stopped, I stayed behind, isolating myself from the rest of them. I lost the only woman I'd ever loved because of that."
Leo could see the regret in Jewl's eyes, hear it in her voice, and it made her sad to think that Jewl had missed out on happiness because of her own father. He should have wanted his daughter to be happy no matter what it took. "And there's no chance that you'll ever get back together?" She asked, wondering whom this woman was.
Jewl's mind flashed back to that morning a few days before, when she'd looked into Billie's eyes and felt a spark of that old attraction. She knew it had been innocent on Billie's part. Billie had always had that intensity in her eyes, that deepness, and fire. It had been one of the many things that had made Jewl crazy about her. It didn't matter now, though, Billie had been beyond her reach for many years. "No chance," She replied simply.
"What about me? Is there a chance?"
Jewl's eyes cleared as she looked over at the doctor and saw that Leo was only teasing her. Underneath the teasing, though, she could see a trace of hope. Jewl was shocked to be actually looking forward to finding out. "We'll see." She said, surprising herself.
****
"I did my residency under Doctor Jones in Boston, just before he came back to Illuminations." Leo began.
"How old are you? He came back more than ten years ago." Jewl blurted out, studying Leo closely. Leo didn't look older than thirty.
Leo chuckled. "I'm thirty-nine," she said, smiling ruefully. "I get that a lot."
"You have great genes," Jewl said simply, admiring the flawless skin and dark hair.
"Thank you," Leo said, for the first time sounding shy.
"So, go on," Jewl encouraged, feeling very comfortable. This was the first time she'd talked openly about herself with anyone other than Lorna and Johanna and she felt strangely free and lighthearted.
"When he left, I took over his position for a couple of years, but then decided I wanted my own practice. I got married."
"To a woman, of course."
Leo grimaced. "Of course, it didn't work out, though. She met someone else and left me. After that, the practice didn't hold the same excitement and joy for me any more. So I started sleeping around. It suited me just fine, still does. The practice became a drag, so I sold it, and went from hospital to hospital for a long time, until Doc Jones called me and asked me a year ago if I wanted to take over here when he retired. I dropped everything and ran. Boston held too many memories."
"Your wife was a doctor too?" Jewl asked, interested in Leo's story.
Leo nodded.
"I'm sorry you went through that."
"I am too," Leo said, her smile sad. She seemed to shake it off, and her smile brightened. "But I'm happy to be here. It helps that there's a nice little lesbian network here. It doesn't feel so lonely."
"There's a lesbian network?" Jewl asked, surprised. She'd never heard of any network. Then again, she'd never been out of the closet, and no one knew to approach her. "What happens in it? Is this an online thing?"
"No, just people communicating as they meet and passing information along. Nothing much, but there's a little lesbian bar right outside of town that everyone on the network visits at some point or another," Leo said. "We should go sometime. It's fun to just let go and dance."
Jewl nodded absently, wondering if she'd ever have the courage to go to a lesbian bar. She'd never gone with Billie when they were together. Whenever Billie had suggested it, explaining that the other women would never pass it around town, Jewl freaked out. She hadn't been ready then, she wasn't sure that she was ready now, but it sounded like a good idea. If she was coming out of the closet, she might as well come out to the other lesbians first.
"What's on your mind?" Leo asked, genuinely curious. Jewl seemed to live in her head most of the time, and Leo wondered what went on behind those eyes. She was looking forward to burning those walls of inhibitions down.
Jewl blinked. "I'm sorry." She said.
Leo waved her apology away. "You're dealing with a lot of things right now, Jewl," she said gently. "Coming out is not a one-two-three-jump kind of thing."
"For some it is."
"Well, not everyone's experience is the same." Leo reassured her.
"I guess not," Jewl shivered when the temperature suddenly dropped.
Leo looked up. The sun was lower in the sky, and didn't touch them directly anymore. They'd been in the park for a long time.
"We should probably head back." Jewl stood up.
"Yes," Leo said, standing up too.
They began walking back the way they'd come. They walked in comfortable silence for a while, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling. Knowing that their date was almost over, Leo wanted to make sure that Jewl would see her again. "When can we go out again?" She asked.
Jewl looked over at her, eyes wide. "Uh, I don't know…"
Leo smiled softly, understanding the hesitation. "Maybe dinner next time?" She asked gently. "I don't get much free daytime, except for today and Friday."
"Uh, okay."
"If you're going to jump into the cold pool, it better be with both feet." Leo said softly, gently bumping her arm against Jewl's. She watched Jewl take a deep breath, and thought the smaller woman looked adorable when she was determined.
"How about Thursday night? Like that you won't be too tired for work the next day."
Leo's eyebrows rose, showing her surprise. She hadn't expected Jewl to accept so easily. She quickly recovered, and her cocky little smile returned. "That's great," she crowed. "When and where?"
Jewl felt a shiver all the way down her spine at the tone of Leo's voice. It screamed 'bedroom' and she found that she didn't mind. The feeling of freedom was loose within her, and pretty soon, she wouldn't have to hold back. "Pick me up at home," She said softly.
Leo seemed surprised at that. Her mouth moved for a few seconds, but she seemed to recover enough to say: "You're on."
For Leo, watching Jewl unfurl before her eyes was beyond interesting. The shy, almost juvenile woman she'd met was becoming a beautiful, sexy woman. It only made her more attractive to Leo, who looked forward to helping her become totally free, not only from people's expectations, but from the ghost of her father. "Can I drive you home?" She asked, not wanting to give up their time together yet.
"I think I'd rather walk, I have a lot think about, and my house is not far from here." Jewl drew to a stop in front of Rosenbloom's. "Thank you for a wonderful lunch." Full of surprises, she stepped forward and placed a soft kiss on Leo's cheek. When she stepped back, there was a shy smile on her face.
Leo watched her go; her cheek tingled where those silky warm lips had touched her. My, oh my, was all she thought as she turned away and headed towards Rosenbloom's parking lot, where her car was parked, a grin on her face.
Chapter Twelve
She approached Johanna, who stood beside the babies' crib staring down at them, and slipped her arms around her waist, sighing contentedly when Johanna leaned her smaller body back against hers and relaxed.
"Can you believe it?" Johanna said.
"What's that?" Billie asked, rocking Johanna in her arms and sniffing her hair. Jonathan and Lola were sleeping soundly, wrapped snugly in their blankets, their small heads warmed by pink and blue caps. So far, they looked identical, and they would for many months to come. Their hair was the same auburn color, thin stranded and thick at the top of their heads. Their eye color and shape were similar to Billie's, and their little chins had little clefts like her. This made Billie feel more connected to them, as if she'd shared DNA with them.
"These beautiful little people came out of me."
Billie's smile grew. "I can believe that. Their mother is a beautiful woman." She felt Johanna melt even more against her.
"Thank you," Johanna said, turning in her arms and giving her a tight hug.
"It's the truth," Billie said into her ear. "But you're welcome."
"I'll always be grateful to Joseph for helping us with this."
"Me too," Billie replied, feeling a surge of emotion at the sound of her best friend's name. Closing her eyes, she pictured him in her mind, his smile congratulating her. Thank you.
THE END of BOOK 1