Joseph's eyes widened and filled with tears at the sight of Jewl, looking beautiful, walking down the isle of the courtroom, arm in arm with his mother. She looked amazing and he couldn't stop himself from swallowing his own saliva, his mouth then drying. She met his eyes and he knew that she was scared.

He smiled reassuringly, silently reminding her about his promise of no pressure, and she smiled back at him. His desire to have her as his companion was greater than his physical desire for her. And there was a lot of that, but his love gave him the patience of a priest. He took her hand as his mother smiled at him, handing her over.

Judge Painter stood behind a table, smiling at both Jewl and Joseph, his hands clasped in front of him. And he waited for them to move up closer to the table, motioning Johanna and Billie closer to them. "You are the witnesses?" He asked.

Billie and Johanna nodded. "Yes." Johanna said, while Billie bit the inside of her cheek.

Lorna had moved to sit beside Margo, who was holding a crumpled tissue up to her tearing eyes. Weddings always touched her like that. And Jewl and Joseph looked so good together, both so beautiful. Johanna's peace of mind depended on this wedding too. The real state agent had been increasingly unsure of Billie's feelings for her. Jewl becoming Mrs. Marquee was the glue that sealed the box; Billie and Jewl would never again be together in Johanna's mind. Margo could see that Billie was tense, and that she was bothered by the whole situation. But Margo also knew that she would never interfere in Joseph's happiness and Johanna's even less. Billie loved Johanna with intensity that rivaled the love she once felt for Jewl.

Judge Painter was saying: "Do you, Joseph, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and to cherish, throughout the good, or the bad, till death do you part?"

"I do." He said, his voice thick with emotion.

Judge Painter smiled kindly at him, and then looked at Jewl. "Do you, Jewl, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and cherish, throughout the good, or the bad, till death do you part?"

Jewl hesitated for only a moment, her throat closing momentarily. She cleared her throat, and said: "Yes. I do."

Judge painter then looked at the other people in the room. "Is there anyone here who has a reason that these two shall not be married?" No one answered, and he smiled, looking down at Jewl and Joseph. "In the name of God, and justice, I declare you husband," He looked from Joseph to Jewl with a gentle smile. "And wife." He looked back at Joseph, pausing again, and then he said: "You may kiss the bride."

Joseph turned to Jewl, his eyes and face full of love as he reached for her, pulling her close. She went to him willingly. He seemed to hesitate, unsure of her willingness to kiss.

Jewl looked up at him with a smile on her face, reassuring with its warmth. She placed her hands on his shoulders, the bouquet brushing his cheek. He leaned forward slowly, his eyes closing, and she leaned to meet him. The kiss was pleasant, and brief. When Joseph pulled back, his face amazed and full of love, Jewl grinned at him.

Judge Painter, grinning himself, looked at the newly married couple proudly. "Come, sign the certificate." He gestured to Billie and Johanna. "And the witnesses too." After everyone signed, he smiled and said: "You are now Mr. and Mrs. Marquee. Go celebrate."

Chapter Eight



A lot of people came to their modest reception that sunny afternoon, packing the backyard, to congratulate both Jewl and Joseph on their wedding, and to eat the food. Lorna had had the backyard fixed especially for the celebration. There was a large cement patio on the southeastern side of the yard, and this she fixed up for dancing; a stereo sat on a table at the corner, the speakers surrounding the area. The rest of the yard was covered in grass, and tables and chairs were set up so that people could sit and enjoy. Mike Rosenbloom catered a delicious dinner for them and was present making sure that it all went around. And it sure did, people were eating heartily.

Music played at a moderate volume, allowing for people to talk and also to dance. Many people, though, like Lorna, stood by the patio, watching the main couple dance, smiling and chatting amongst themselves. An occasional couple would dance too, but mostly, they were happy to watch. Slowly headed towards a delightful buzz, Joseph held Jewl in his arms as they danced. He gazed down at her lovingly, eyes also full of wonder, as if he couldn't believe that they were married. She looked back up at him, smiling too. Out of the corner of her eye, Jewl could see Billie standing with Margo a few feet away.

The way she stood, with her arms crossed and her strong legs pushed apart, she looked gorgeous to Jewl. Jewl could see that Billie was looking at them, her face expressionless, but her eyes speaking volumes. Out of spite, Jewl leaned towards Joseph and kissed him, feeling him gently return the kiss. When she pulled back, moving into a hug, she could see that Billie had turned away from them, and was heading for Johanna, who was chatting amicably with Mike, helping him with the distribution of food. She whispered softly into her ear and Johanna did not hesitate in excusing herself to move into the dance area of the yard with Billie.

Billie's shoulders seemed to relax as she pulled Johanna into her arms and Johanna's arms wrapped around her neck. They held each other closely, Johanna's face buried against her throat. Jewl could see that Johanna loved Billie very much, and that Billie loved her too. Billie had a look of peace on her face that Jewl had only seen when they were children, before their love affair forced Billie to lie and hide her true self.

Billie kissed Johanna softly on the lips, and then pulled back slightly to look deeply into her eyes. The intimacy they shared in that one look reminded Jewl of the way Billie had once looked into her eyes, right before they would make love. The expressiveness of those eyes drove her wild many times, the natural sensuality of her body controlling her desire effortlessly. She could actually feel Billie's touch, her slender fingers between her legs playing her like music. Shaking herself, she forced herself to pay attention to Joseph.

????



Jewl sat on the hotel bed while Joseph went to the bathroom. He was a little drunk, and Jewl could hear him fumbling with the toothpaste and the toothbrush. She had changed into a nightgown Lorna had given her, and she brushed her hair as she waited for him to come out so that she could use the bathroom. With a small drunken chuckle, Joseph emerged from the bathroom, his shirt completely open and out of his pants, revealing a pale, muscled stomach and chest. He went towards the bed, and sat down heavily, laughing again and looking at Jewl. "It's all yours; I don't think I can do anything else in there." He said, his words slurring a little. He wasn't a drinker, and the champagne he'd had at the party had its effect.

Smiling softly, Jewl stood up and made her way to the bathroom. After she was done, she emerged to find Joseph sitting on the bed wearing only long pajama bottoms. He crossed his legs and rested his elbows at his knees, gazing at her. She smiled at him and moved to the other side of the bed, sitting and slipping her legs under the covers. Joseph seemed to have sobered up, and he now stared down at his feet. "I haven't ever had so much to drink." He whispered, still slurring a little.

"We all deserve our fun sometimes." Jewl said quietly, pushing her hair behind her right ear. She stared down at the bed, nervously.

He unwound himself and leaned towards her, kissing her cheek gently. "Goodnight, Jewl." He whispered, and lay back, sighing softly and almost instantly falling asleep.



Jewl lay awake for a long time, listening to the quiet sounds of Joseph's breathing and mumbling in his sleep. He occasionally tossed and turned around on the bed, speaking to a dream person. From time to time he would laugh softly and say things. Jewl realized that she never even knew that Joseph spoke in his sleep. It must have been something he developed in his later years, because she never noticed when they slept in each other's houses as children.

She turned around and looked at him through the dimness of the hotel room. He was lying on his side, facing her, but not touching her.

Even in his sleep he respects me. She thought to herself with a rueful smile.

Well, what did you expect? You told him no sex! Her consciousness chided her. Eerily, the voice of her consciousness sounded like her father. Shit, it's been over four years and you haven't had sex since Billie! Both her consciousness and body reminded her.

But I don't love him that way. She told her consciousness, stirring uncomfortably.

You haven't tried. Her consciousness said. When was the last time you were loved? With Billie, and she dumped you. No one but Joseph could love you in the way you need. No one but him. She felt her eyes fill with tears.

But I told him-

You don't think he would say yes if you asked?

Jewl looked at him for a long moment, fighting back tears. She needed love; she needed to feel desired, appreciated as a woman. So far, Joseph had been the only one to show her any type of feeling. And he so adored her; she could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. The least she could do was try, she decided.

She scooted over to him, still fighting the tears that threatened. She leaned over and softly kissed smooth lips. Joseph woke almost instantly, staring at her through the darkness. "What? What's the matter?" He whispered confusedly, sitting up. "Are you alright?

She moved closer to him, finally unable to hold back the tears. She felt him slowly wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?" He asked, sounding bewildered.

"I need love." She whispered, wiping at the tears running down her cheeks. "I haven't been with anyone since Billie. And she was the only one!"

"Jesus Christ, you're serious?" He whispered softly, stroking her head gently. For some reason, he had thought that she'd been with other people.

She nodded, crying softly. "I wanted to keep it platonic, but I don't think I can." She whispered. She felt him hold his breath. She felt desire flaring, though not for Joseph. Her body only needed the feel of another body next to hers. Whom better than someone she trusted? "I need…"

He covered her lips with gentle fingers. "It's alright," He said, and she could hear the love in his voice. It only made her cry more. "I just don't want you to regret it tomorrow morning. I love you like I've never loved anyone, Jewl. I could never say no to you, not if you're sure."

"I am sure." She said, very softly, wondering if she really was sure. It's too late now to stop him. She thought as he gently pushed her back on the bed, his hand stroking her cheek gently. She shivered a little, scared.

"Are you really sure?" He murmured, lifting his head up and looking down at her. He couldn't see her expression through the darkness, but he could feel her shaking.

"Yes." She said, and touched his face tentatively, her hand shaking. "But I'm scared."

He smiled softly through the darkness and leaned down to kiss her lips gently. "Just relax," He whispered against the skin of her cheek, his hand cupping the side of her neck gently. "Don't be afraid." He whispered, and kissed her again. She responded, and shakily ran her hand down his chest, taking the bareness of his muscled chest. Pulling her lips away, she could feel he had no hair on his chest, but a thin line of hair ran down his stomach into the line of his pajama bottoms. She could already feel the differences of his body from Billie's and her own.

He lay still, allowing her to acknowledge his difference, sensing her need to assimilate him into a sexual being. He knew that if he took his time, she might be able to enjoy this experience. Still, even as much as he tried to contain himself, the feel of her smooth hand working down his chest and then his stomach caused him to clench his teeth and hiss in a breath. He could feel her hesitate as she reached the band of his pajama, and he fought his hardness from rising. He lost and grabbed her hand away, not wanting to scare her.

"Oh God, Jewl." He whispered brokenly, pulling her into his arms, nearly bursting into tears with the force of the love he felt. He stroked her hair, and kissed her cheek softly. He slowly turned his face to kiss her lips again, slowly slipping his tongue into her mouth. His hands caressed her back and sides gently, moving down slowly to caress her leg and thigh, moving under her gown tentatively, expecting and fearing a rebuttal at any moment.

Jewl found that her body was responding to Joseph's, the flame between her legs igniting very softly.

Her thoughts were away from what was happening; she couldn't help herself. She was back to five years before, one summer day when she and Billie had gone on an impromptu picnic, wanting to be together. In her mind's eye, she could see Billie leaning over her. Could feel her hands caress her body, bring it to sudden life. As Joseph removed her gown, she could swear she again felt Billie's hands remove her clothing that long ago afternoon. As his mouth gently and knowingly caressed her body, she could feel Billie's silky mouth find her points of pleasure, coaxing shivers from her body.

She could not stop the moan that escaped her lips, as Joseph kissed between her thighs, his hands kneading her calves and thighs. Her hands reached down and grasped his wide shoulders, her nails sinking in as he gently began to lick her. She shut out the moan that escaped from him, pushing her mind back to that magical moment that long ago afternoon. Billie had made her cry that afternoon with the intensity of her loving, with the way her fingers had found those secret buried treasures between her legs. She had cleaved her open with tender strokes of that place within her. Her tongue had been insatiable, as Billie had buried it within her again and again.

She was close to orgasm when Joseph moved up on top of her, his lips caressing her neck. She groaned, feeling only slight pain as he slowly entered her, lovingly whispering her name into her hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing her face onto his shoulder, feeling him moving slowly, but deeply inside her. She clenched her eyes tightly closed, feeling tears threatening. "I love you." He whispered, crying softly as he felt her heat wrapped tightly around him.

She felt him stiffen, trying not to loose control of himself as he moved closer to the edge. She made herself think of Billie, of Billie's fingers inside her, stroking the life out of her. She came suddenly, and moaned against his shoulder, distantly hearing Joseph moan as she clenched around him. Unable to help himself, he came too, holding himself rigidly inside her, not wanting to hurt her in any way. He whimpered softly, kissing her neck gently, and then moving to kiss her lips tenderly.

"I love you so much." He whispered, slipping his hands through her hair, still inside her. After a long time, he gently pulled out. Climbing off her, he lay down on his side, pulling her into his arms. "Jewl, oh God, Jewl." He said hoarsely over and over. He held her gently for a long time, slipping his fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead over and over.

She lay there, feeling emptier than she had ever felt before, but still determined to try to love him the way he deserved. And if she had to endure sex with him, with a man, then she would. He deserved everything she could give.

Chapter Nine



On the day before their return to Illuminations, Joseph decided that he wanted to take Jewl on a last excursion of the city. She had never been there before, and had fallen in love with the busyness it generated whether it was day or night. He had taken her to the zoos and to the South Street Seaport on her first subway ride. They had gone to see a basketball game and an ice-skating competition, both at Madison Square Garden. Broadway had been a favorite of hers, and they'd made repeated visits to many of the theaters. As promised, he'd also taken her on a tour of the company's offices, the reason he left Illuminations every few months. For their last trip, he decided to take her on an afternoon tour of the World Trade Center area and then to one of the big clubs in the city.

When they got downtown, he ushered her out of the Fulton Street train station, walking up Liberty Street towards the mammoth buildings. He knew she'd heard of the buildings and seen pictures, but seeing them in person would be a better experience. She gasped as her head snapped upwards. "Oh my God!" She whispered.

"I wanted you to see them before we went back home." Joseph explained. "They're two of the most beautiful buildings in this city."

"And here I was thinking the Empire State Building was beautiful." She said, her voice full of awe. "That they were able to build two identical buildings so tall is unbelievable." She looked at Joseph. "Can we go all the way to the top?"

He smiled at her, his eyes full of adoration. "Of course we can." He said, holding her hand and walking her towards the building. "I hope you're not afraid of heights." He laughed.



She grabbed on to his sleeve as they walked out of the elevators at Windows of the World. "Joseph," she whispered, eyes wide. "I think I am afraid of heights."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, guiding her towards the windows. "Come on. The view of the city is amazing." He said gently.

She followed, speechless as the view of New York City filled her eyes. He watched her as her eyes widened even more, and a smile slowly appeared on her face. "This is beautiful." She said, tears filling her eyes.

Tears filled his own eyes as he held her closer, bending to kiss her forehead gently. He loved her so much. "There's a rooftop deck too." He said, clearing his throat. "Want to go see it?"

Jewl nodded, and he took her towards the two flights of stairs that led to the roof. The wind ruffled her hair onto her face, and she reached up to push it away as she spun and got a full view of New York City and its accompanying boroughs. It was a perfect sunny day, and everything looked clear and colorful.

They moved to the surrounding bars and leaned against them, gazing down at the city. "I feel free." Jewl said after a long moment, her voice low and full of wonder.

Joseph looked at her, knowing he must be smiling like a lovesick puppy. But he couldn't help it; Jewl was his first love and would always be the love of his life, even if she didn't return the feeling.

Chapter Ten



"I want to sell the house." Jewl said after a long moment of silence between them. They were on the road, returning home from their honeymoon. They were in Joseph's car, with Joseph driving, on the last hour of their trip.

He looked at her, startled. He never expected her to want to sell the beautiful house she grew up in. "Are you sure?" She nodded, and looked at him. He had a thoughtful look on his face. "You've lived in that house since you were born." He said after a moment.

"I think it's time I move on." She said slowly, looking back out her window. "I didn't have much of a happy childhood there, and I need new things, positive things."

Joseph smiled softly; he knew that the therapy Jewl had been attending was helping some. The danger of suicide was gone, that he could tell from her attitude, and he was glad of it. She was ready to start anew and he was ready to support her in any decision she made. If that meant selling the house, then it would happen. He reached over and held her hand.



Continued in Part X

Katia N. Ruiz