DISCLAIMERS:

COPYRIGHT: Cass and Rox are figments of my imagination... Yep - I created them all by my 'lil ole self. They do resemble a certain warrior and bard in appearance, and maybe even in mannerisms, but other than that, they are original creations, and are Copyright, 1999 by kd bard. Character or name resemblance to 'real' people currently living or dead is completely coincidental. Download it, print it out and share it if you'd like, but be sure to include the disclaimers.

SUBTEXT: This story is alternative in nature. If you don't know what that means, then you really need to find out before you start reading. The ladies in this story meet and really like each other ... I mean ... they REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like each other. This story does contain some mildly graphic sex scenes. If you're offended by this statement, then you'll be offended by the story. If you're not old enough to be here, then please go find some Disney stories to read. If love is illegal where you live, I strongly suggest you move.

VIOLENCE: Domestic violence plays a focal part of this story. If you are currently in an abusive situation... please get out now! Abuse is a crime that can not be tolerated... stop the cycle with yourself or someone you love.

TIME LINE/CONTINUITY: This is a brand new alternative fan fiction, set in modern day time, starring a couple of new leading ladies. This story can be found on my home page at http://homepages.together.net/~warriorx/WebPage.htm along with a host of other good stories. Enjoy!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I strongly believe that love is love, regardless of how it is packaged, so please don't flame me for believing in something so wonderful. All flames will be immediately extinguished by a tour through the city's sewer pipes, however, I do beg for constructive criticism. Send all feedback to warriorx@together.net.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: A very big thanks to those of you who took the time to find my booboo's ... Mom, Marn, Mel, Ili, Beck, Rosa. I really appreciate it - you've saved me once more from looking like a literary idiot! Thanks to Little Warrior for listening to my disjointed rambling while I worked through the hard parts, and for helping me practice... ah... ah... I mean, proof the really 'good' parts (^^). Special thanks to Ili for providing the Spanish translations (the English versions are provided in brackets []). Finally, a warm thank you to MQ and BG for their technical wisdom and spiritual guidance.

SPECIAL THANK YOU TO READERS: I want to thank all of you for your patience while I have laboriously worked out this story. I know it has been customary for me to post stories on a more frequent basis, but my life has gone through drastic changes over the past few months... changes that are largely good, but traumatic, nonetheless. A new love has entered my life ... a love that has given me the courage to express my true heart ... a love that will endure for the rest of our lives. I love you my Little Warrior. An old love has left ... the end to a lesson well learned. Family illness, and unprecedented family love ... all of this has worked to change my life in ways I can not describe. Thank you all. kd :-)

CHAPTER XXIV

Nikki was out of the taxi as soon as it pulled into the driveway of Rox's home. Running into the house, she quickly powered up the computer then logged onto the Internet using Rox's user ID and password.

Jerri walked up behind Nikki as she patiently waited for the logon to complete. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm taking care of Rox's security problems," Nikki replied.

Jerri responded with raised eyebrows. Not receiving a verbal response, Nikki looked up at her wife and said, "What?"

"How to you propose to do that?" she inquired.

"I'm sending a note to Cass. Jer, Cass has said twice now that he'd jump on the first plane north if Rox needed him. I'd say she needs him now... wouldn't you?" the blonde asked.

Jerri narrowed her eyes. "Nik, aren't you over reacting a bit? I mean, yes, Chris did manage to get into the house undetected last night, but now that the police are alerted, they're watching the place ... it won't happen again," she explained.

"We don't know that, Jer. And what if Chris stalks her and catches her away from the house?" Nikki explained as she entered Rox's password into the system.

"Honey, what makes you think Cass will just drop everything and fly here? He does have a job to do you know," Jerri said.

"Well, he said he would," Nikki responded. Turning in her seat, she looked up at her tall wife. "Jerri, why are you so against this? What are you afraid of?" she asked.

Jerri bent down and swung Nikki around in the chair. Leaning forward and grasping the arm rests of the chair, she looked Nikki in the face. "Nik, I'm afraid Rox will get hurt. I'm afraid this guy won't be for real. I'm afraid he won't live up to his word. Nikki, sweetheart, Rox doesn't need to be disappointed right now. She doesn't need to deal with the pain of rejection on top of everything else," Jerri explained.

"I don't think that will happen, Jerri. I have read all the notes he has sent to her. He either really loves her, or he's the greatest con artist in the world," Nikki said.

"That's what I'm afraid of, Nik. That's exactly what I'm afraid of," came the reply.

Nikki continued to maintain eye contact with her wife as she spoke. "Jerri, I have to do this ... for Rox's sake," she said adamantly.

Jerri narrowed her eyes and stepped back a bit. "Rox won't be thrilled about this, you know," she warned.

"I won't tell her," Nikki stated. "I'll delete it from the send file as soon as it transmits. Jerri, don't look at me like that!" she insisted as Jerri shook her head in disgust. "Jerri, she NEEDS protection. Obviously, you and I can't provide it. I don't know what else to do," she finished, teary eyed.

Jerri really hated to see Nikki cry. Throwing up her hands, she conceded. "All right, Nik. Do what you think you have to. Let's just cross our fingers that Rox doesn't get hurt," she said.

Nodding, Nikki turned back to the keyboard and typed the word 'HELP!!" in the subject line before starting to compose the to Cass.

"Hi Cass,

This is Nikki. As you can see, I am using Rox's e-mail account to send this note to you.

Cass, Rox is in serious trouble. Now, before you panic, let me say that she's safe at this very moment. In fact, she's in the hospital again, at least for the night. You see, Chris managed to break into the house undetected around midnight last night. Rox and I were the only one's home ... Jerri was working. Chris knocked me out cold and then attacked Rox in her sleep. Jerri interrupted the attack when she came home, but Chris managed to escape. The police have issued an APB, but so far, no luck finding the bastard.

Cass, she's a mess. She's not critically injured, but she does have a concussion, and she is so black and blue that even I didn't recognize her. It is such a pathetic sight, it makes me cry to see her.

You had said in your last note to her that you would jump on the next plane north if she needed you. Well, Cass - I would say that she needs you desperately right now. Last night's attack, while I was in the house with her, is evidence that she needs more protection than I can give her. Jerri is here with her during the day, but even an idiot like Chris wouldn't be stupid enough to attack during broad daylight. Jerri works mostly at night, so that leaves me here to protect her alone. Obviously, I am not capable of doing the job ... at least not by myself.

She needs you Cass ... please, if it is at all possible, find a way to come to her ... to be here with her, at least until Chris is caught and is behind bars. She lives in Rockland, Maine, at 1163 Oceanview Terrace. It's right on the ocean. Any taxi at the airport can take you there. Please hurry, Cass. There's no telling when Chris might show up again.

I will stay here with her and protect her to the best of my ability, Cass, but she needs more protection than I can give her. Please hurry.

Nikki"

Nikki hovered the pointer of the mouse over the 'send' button for a moment or two before finally clicking and sending the note on its way. Tilting her head back , she released a deep sigh and closed her eyes, feeling confident that Cass would come through.

Jerri watched the scene from her position behind Nikki. As much as it galled her to rely on outside help, she knew that she wouldn't be able to get Nikki to leave Rox home alone ... and as long as Nikki was going to insist on being there, she had to admit that having another person in the house was a good idea. Taking a step toward her wife, she placed her hands on Nikki's shoulders and started to massage them. Nikki burrowed her head back deeper into Jerri's abdomen as she released a satisfying moan at the pleasure being wrought down upon her shoulders.

After a moment or two, Jerri leaned in close to Nikki's ear. "Nik, sweetheart, you need to go to bed. It's nearly 4 am," she said tenderly.

Nikki nodded in reply, moaning softly once more.

"All right. Why don't you head upstairs. I'll grab a couple of pain relievers and some water, and I'll be right behind you, okay?" Jerri said before placing a kiss on her wife's cheek.

Nodding once more, Nikki rose to her feet and faced Jerri. Looking up into the taller woman's eyes, she saw only love and concern reflected back. Nikki smiled and folded herself into Jerri's arms, wrapping her own arms around her wife's waist and burying her face in the taller woman's chest. "I love you, Jer," she whispered, placing a kiss on the spot between Jerri's breasts.

"I love you two, sweet love," Jerri responded as she kissed the blonde head resting just below her chin. Pulling back, she held Nikki at arm's length and said, "Okay ... you head up stairs. I'll be there in a bit."

Nikki tilted her head up and accepted a kiss before turning to go. "Don't be long, love," she said as she walked away.

**********

Cass couldn't believe it was almost 11 pm by the time she sent the note to Rox. Damn! she said to herself. Why does it take me so long to write a note to her. God! It seems like it takes a minimum of two hours each time!

Remembering that her flight to Durango had been rescheduled for an hour earlier the next morning, she decided to turn in to be fresh for tomorrow's flight. Deciding to shower before bed, she stepped into the bathroom, and stood in front of the mirror and stared at her own reflection for long moments, thinking only of Rox. Finally, she began to strip off her clothes, starting with her shorts and panties. Closing her eyes, she pulled her T-shirt over her head and held it close to her breasts. Suddenly, she felt warm hands touch her naked hips. She gasped for breath and dropped the T-shirt to the floor, but held her eyes tightly closed for fear the illusion would fade. Standing perfectly still, she waited for the specter's next move.

Very slowly, she felt the hands move upward to her waist, kneading the supple skin gently. Feeling the palms go flat against her skin, they moved very slowly past her waist to rest lightly on the skin on both sides of her navel. The hands pressed ever so slightly backward as she felt her bare backside come in contact with warm, soft curves. She wanted so desperately to open her eyes, but feared the act would chase her angel away. Instead, she leaned forward and rested her forehead on the mirror, as the hands on her stomach started a slow circular movement, massaging the musculature of her taunt abdomen.

Slowly, the hands moved upward until they each cupped a supple breast, pinching an erect nipple between thumbs and forefingers. Cass turned around and leaned her back against the mirror as she cried out her pleasure ... a moan escaping her lips, and her head arching back, sending cascades of long dark hair down her back. For several long moments, the hands kneaded her breasts, each pinch and caress sending bolts of desire crashing into her core. By the time the hands left the voluptuous mounds, Cass was writhing in agony born of desire.

Before she could catch her breath from the attack on her breasts, the hands started their trek southward, tracing a circular bath down the length of her abdomen, to stop at the top of her treasure. Cass' hips began to rock forward, of their own volition, urging the hands to continue their journey south. With only momentary hesitation, they did just that as one hand slipped between the dark curls, while the other circled behind and firmly cupped the bulbous mound of Cass' backside.

Cass moaned loudly as the hand slipped in and out of her slick folds, gently teasing her bud of desire as it passed over it's swollen mass. Deeper and deeper it explored, thrusting two, then three fingers deep into the well of desire. Cass' knees were so shaky, she was just barely able to hold herself up as she felt her body climb closer and closer to the peak of fulfillment. Faster and faster, the hand worked until a guttural moan escaped from deep within Cass' throat, and she screamed out the name of her savior. "Oh god! Rox!" came the cry as she plunged over the cliff and leaned heavily into the mirror to prevent herself from falling.

Finally, after the tremors began to subside, Cass turned toward the mirror and opened her eyes, only to briefly glimpse a wisp of red-gold hair over her shoulder. Looking quickly behind her, she realized that she was alone. Turning back to the mirror, she studied herself carefully as she removed her hand from between her legs and thought again of the red-haired pixie that had pushed her to the act of self fulfillment.

**********

The incessant ringing was really getting on her nerves. Reaching over, she picked up the alarm clock and held up high enough to read the time illuminated in bright red numbers. Placing the clock back on the nightstand, she burrowed down into the covers once more, only to jump up seconds later.

"Holy Shit! Damn! My flight is an hour earlier this morning. Shit! I almost forgot!" she exclaimed as she quickly got out of bed and reached for the clothing she had laid out the night before. "God damn it! I should have set the clock for an hour earlier," she said, talking out loud to herself as she mentally thanked the gods that she had showered the night before. God, how I hate mornings! she sputtered to herself. Especially when I oversleep. Damn it! I won't have time to look at my e-mail before I go. Jesus Christ! Why did I ever agree to do these overnight flights anyway? she asked.

You agreed to them to take your mind off Patti, remember? her ever-present alter ego piped in.

E, you aren't going to lecture me about oversleeping again, are you? she asked sarcastically.

Oh no! Never. You actually got to bed at a decent hour last night. You did, however, tire yourself out pretty handily before jumping in the shower. But, you won't hear me complain ... no way, not me, oh no! I quite enjoyed that little trip to Elysia, Cass old buddy. We'll have to do that more often, don't ya think? Enforcer encouraged.

E, I don't have time to discuss this right now ... I'm running late. Have you seen my shoes? she asked herself.

Under the coffee table in the living room ... right where you kicked them off last night You're quite a pig you know ... if you'd pick up after yourself, you wouldn't be wasting time looking for shoes, Enforcer scolded.

Gimme a break, E ... I'm really in a hurry here, she replied as she found her shoes and slipped them on. After dragging a quick brush through her hair and applying a light shade of blush and mascara, she was out the door for a two-day drip to Durango.

**********

Nikki awoke abruptly around 9 a.m. the next morning. Sitting up in bed and looking at the clock, she moaned and dropped her head into her hands. God, I can't believe I slept so late! she said to herself before remembering why. Allowing a frown to furrow her forehead, she reached up and felt around her head until she encountered the sore spot where she had been knocked unconscious the night before. Damn! she thought. If I hurt this bad, I can just imagine how Rox feels!

Climbing out of bed, Nikki decided to go after Rox without Jerri. The poor woman had worked until midnight the night before and had come home in the middle of Chris' attack on Rox and Nikki. She had to return to work for noon that day, and had only gotten about five hours sleep.

An hour later, Nikki was showered and ready to go. Leaning over Jerri's sleeping form, she placed a gentle kiss on the woman's cheek and whispered endearments in her ear. Jerri shifted slightly in her sleep and reached up, capturing Nikki with her arm and pulling her down onto the bed . Nikki had all she could do not to squeal and wake her up. Several moments later, she managed once more to wiggle out of the sleeping woman's embrace and to climb out of bed. After one more trip to the bathroom to comb out her hair again, she was on her way to the hospital to pick up Rox.

**********

Rox paced back and forth at the foot of the hospital bed, waiting for Jerri and Nikki to pick her up, while the horrific scenario form the night before played over and over in her mind. All she knew is that one moment, she was sleeping soundly, and the next, she felt a sharp pain at the back of her neck as her head was whipped side to side by sharp blows to both sides of her face. Her assailant was sitting astride her waist reining blows to her face with both fists. It wasn't long before she lost consciousness, waking hours later in the emergency room at the hospital, looking up into the worried faces of Nikki and Jerri. It was becoming a habit, it seemed ... a habit she surely needed to break.

"Hey, girlfriend, are you ready to go home?" came the question from the doorway.

Rox turned around quickly to see Nikki standing at the entrance to her room, a teary-eyed smile on her face. Smiling back, she took two quick steps toward her friend and fell into her warm embrace. They clung together in quiet desperation as all the hurt and anxiety she had been feeling for the past several months bubbled to the surface and spilled out across her face and down her cheeks.

"It's okay, love. Cry it out. That's it, Roxie. Let it all go, sweetheart," Nikki cooed as she held the injured woman in her arms and stroked her hands up and down her back. "Come on, let's go home," she added as she led Roxanne to the door.

Moments later, they were in the car heading home. Reaching over, Nikki covered Rox's hand with her own. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Rox nodded slowly, her chin resting near her chest.

"Hey," Nikki said, reaching over once more ... this time to lift her friend's chin up. "Things will get better for you, Rox ... I promise," she said.

Roxanne looked intently at her friend. Furrowing her brow, she shook her head slightly side to side. "How can you say that, Nik? How can you be so sure?" she asked.

Nikki was tempted to tell her about the e-mail to Cass, but until Cass responded in some way, she didn't want to get her friend's hopes up, so she just took a deep breath and sighed. "Please don't give up, Rox. Things will get better ... believe me honey ... okay?"

Now it was Rox's turn to sigh, nodding her head slightly in an unconvincing gesture to Nikki, as she looked down at the hands clasped in her lap.

Moments later, they pulled into Rox's driveway. Looking around, Rox noticed her neighbors out and about doing normal everyday chores ... cutting the grass, weeding the garden. Subconsciously, she bowed her head and shielded her bruised face with her hands as she climbed out of the car. Several curious glances were directed her way as she made her way into the house.

"Take a picture ... it'll last longer!" Nikki shouted to the more curious of the group as they openly stared at her friend. Placing her hand on Rox's back, she ushered her into the privacy of her home, away from the prying eyes of unsympathetic neighbors. "Christ, that pisses me off!" Nikki shouted once they were inside.

"Nikki, they're just curious. That's all," Rox explained.

"They weren't curious when Chris was here beating the shit out of you for the last six months! Don't tell me it wasn't obvious to them that something was wrong. I didn't see any of them rushing to your aid then... so they can keep their nosy eyeballs to themselves now!" she sputtered vehemently.

"What's up?" came a groggy voice from the top of the stairs.

Nikki and Rox looked up to see a very sleepy Jerri coming down the stairs.

"Hi Baby," Nikki replied, approaching her wife on tiptoes to place a light kiss on her lips as she reached the bottom stair. "I was just commenting on how helpful Rox's neighbors are," she explained.

"Helpful, my ass!" replied Jerri as she checked Rox's bruises out with a professional eye. "They'd stand by and let Chris kill her as long as it didn't interfere in their own lives!"

"All right ... enough about my neighbors. I need to get to work. I still have a deadline to make, bruised or not!" Rox replied, brushing Jerri's hands away and heading for the stairs.

"Rox, I'm going to throw together some lunch and bring it up to you, along with an ice back for your swollen jaw, okay?" Nikki said.

"Nik ... I'm fine. Really. I just need to get to work," she replied.

"Damn it, Roxanne Ward! Why does everything have to be a battle with you? Just accept the help and get over it, okay? I'm not going away ... get that through your head. Now you can trot your little ass up those stairs and start writing if you want, but I'm still bringing you some lunch and an ice pack ... got it?" she scolded, pointing toward the stairway.

Roxanne and Jerri just looked at each other with raised eyebrows, and the smallest evidence of grins on their faces.

"Ah ... Rox ... I'd do what you're told if I were you. I've learned not to mess with her when she's PMS'ing," Jerri said.

"I AM NOT PMS'ing!" Nikki shouted to their backs as they retreated up the stairs, soft strands of chuckling left in their wake.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XXV

After settling Rox in front of her computer, Jerri returned to the kitchen to help Nikki throw together a simple lunch of veggie wraps, fruit salad and iced tea for the three of them. The conversation centered around Cass.

"Do you think he replied yet?" Jerri asked?

"I don't know. If he has, she hasn't said anything," Nikki replied.

"Oh she would definitely say something ... when she finds out, you're dead meat - you know that, don't you?" Jerri informed her wife.

Nikki winced, knowing Jerri was right. Rox was fiercely independent. In fact, she never did give her permission for them to stay with her ... they just insisted, and didn't give her any choice. That was the primary reason Nikki sent the note to Cass without telling Rox ... Rox simply would not have allowed it.

"You know, Jer, as independent as Rox is, she sure didn't use it against Chris very often," Nikki observed.

"It's amazing what you'll do for love, Rox. I mean, look at me ... I used to be independent too, and now ... well, now I'm quite PW'd," Jerri said, intentionally baiting her wife.

Nikki looked at her questioningly. "PW'd?" she asked. "What the hell is that?"

"You know ... pussy whipped," Jerri explained, trying very hard not to smile.

Nikki's jaw nearly hit the floor. "Pussy whipped! ... Pussy whipped! Jeraldine Lockwood, you are NOT pussy whipped!" she exclaimed.

Jerri winced visibly at the use of her formal name. "Jeeeeeeesus Chrrrrrrist, Nikki ... don't EVER use that name ... Please! ... and by the way - yes, I AM pussy whipped! I do things for you, and because of you, that I would never do for anyone else!" she insisted.

Nikki gave it some thought, and realized that maybe Jerri was right. Jerri had changed so much since they first met ... and she knew that her influence played a big part in it. The changes were largely positive, but Nikki could see where some of them had resulted in the loss of independence for the taller woman. "Jerri, do you ever regret changing for me ... I mean, you have made a lot of concessions ... sometimes at the expense of your own desires. Do you ever regret it?" she asked.

Jerri rinsed the fruit juices off her fingers and grabbed the dishtowel to wipe her hands. Walking over to Nikki, she held the ends of the towel in each hand, and easily looped it around the back of the smaller woman's neck. Tugging slightly, she pulled Nikki's face close to hers and kissed her gently. After a long, tender kiss, she pulled her head back and looked her wife directly in the eyes. "Nik, I love you with all my heart, but I would not compromise my values for anyone ... including you. The changes I made, I made willingly ... I made them because I needed to. The fact that they were changes you wanted me to make as well, was purely coincidental," Jerri explained. Seeing the doubtful expression on her wife's face, she continued, "Sweetheart, I don't consider the changes I made to be a loss of independence ... I see them as a concession to making the woman I love happy. If they had been changes I would have struggled with, I would not have made them. The truth is, I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I owe that to you."

Nikki smiled and tilted her head up to place another kiss on Jerri's eager mouth. After a long passionate kiss, Nikki buried her face between Jerri's breasts and sighed deeply. "God, I love you, Jerri," she whispered. "I hope Rox can find this type of happiness too some day," she added.

"Well, Little Miss Busybody, your e-mail to Cass last night may have started the ball rolling in that direction. Let's just hope he catches it and rolls it back," Jerri commented.

"If he's smart, he will," Nikki replied.

Jerri just nodded and lowered her mouth for one more kiss before releasing the towel around Nikki's neck. "We'd better bring Rox's lunch to her before she wonders what we're REALLY doing down here," she said, wiggling her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"Well, we COULD tell her that you were being pussy whipped," Nikki suggested.

"Literally?" asked Jerri.

"Oh Yeah!" returned Nikki as she stepped forward and molded her body against the taller woman.

"Care to give me a little demonstration?" Jerri suggested.

"It will be my pleasure, dear heart," Nikki replied as she slid her hand between Jerri's legs and lightly squeezed.

"Oh my god!" Jerri exclaimed as she nearly doubled over with carnal pleasure. "Do you think Rox can wait a little while for lunch?" she asked, bending Nikki over the table.

"Hey! I thought you two were making lunch ... what are you really doing down there ... making love on my kitchen table?" came a shout from the third floor.

Jerri buried her face in Nikki's shoulder and chuckled. "So now she's a mind reader too! Geesh!"

Nikki looked up at her wife. "Time to feed the beast, my love. I'll save the whipping for tonight," she replied evilly.

"I'm counting on it!" replied Jerri as she helped Nikki up off the table and grabbed the tray of food.

**********

Rox, Nikki and Jerri sat around the coffee table in Rox's office, enjoying their sandwiches and fruit, while chit chatting idly. Nikki was desperate to know if Cass had replied to her late night e-mail, but was having a hard time finding a way to ask Rox about it without making the red head suspicious.

"So ... Rox ... have you heard from Cass lately?" Nikki asked as innocently as possible.

Rox narrowed her eyes at her best friend. "Nikki, are you up to something?" she asked.

Nikki nearly choked on her tea. "No ... no! Why do you ask?" she spat out.

"Because you get this odd look on your face whenever you're trying to hide something from me. I can tell when you're up to no good ... now, spill it!" she demanded.

"Rox, I'm not up to anything ... really! I was just .... wondering if Cass had written lately," Nikki asked defensively.

"Actually Nik, I'm not sure. I haven't even logged on yet. I'm so far behind on the book that I went directly to work without checking my e-mail," Rox confessed.

Nikki sat there staring at her best friend like she had a third eye in the middle of her forehead. "Rox, how on earth can you NOT check your e-mail? After that last note you sent to him, I'd think you'd be checking it hourly! Geesh, woman ... you must have nerves of steel!" Nikki exclaimed.

Rox considered her words. "God, Nik ... I was so caught up in the book that I forgot all about that. You're right though - I'd better get on line and check it out," she said, rising gingerly to her feet and shuffling to the computer.

Nikki and Jerri exchanged nervous glances as she sat down in front of the tube.

"Okay, let's see," Rox said out loud as she selected Netscape Messenger. "Three new e-mails ... publisher, publisher, Cass ... Here is it," she said, double clicking on the icon next to 'cconway@flyboy.com'. Nikki and Jerri looked over Rox's shoulder as she read the note from Cass. Nikki held her breath, wondering if it was a response to the note she had sent to Cass the previous evening.

"My dearest Rox,

Reading your note invoked such a sense of love and longing, I could hardly contain it. Never in my wildest imagination did I think that you would return my love so quickly. Rox, I have been in love with you almost from the beginning.

Sweetheart, I know you have come from a very brutal relationship, and I understand your need to be blunt. Let me assure you, my love, that your heart is safe with me. I will never hurt you, Rox ... that is a promise ... I do not take my promises lightly.

How could I ever be angry with you for wanting to know my heart? In my last post, I asked that you share your soul with me ... I can not expect you to do anything I am not willing to do myself, so by all means, ask me anything you'd like Rox ... my heart belongs to you.

You asked what my intentions are toward you. Rox, I have never felt such intensity of love for another human being in my entire life. Thoughts of you fill my mind during every waking moment. What are my intentions? My intentions are to meet you one day soon, sweep you off your feet, and carry you away into the sunset on my golden palomino. My intentions are to make you happier than you have ever been for the rest of your life. My intentions are to love you, cherish you, and hold you near and to make love to you long into the nights and to carry your scent on my skin through the separation of time and space during the days. My intentions are to grow old with you, and to hold you in my arms as I take my dying breath. These are my intentions, Rox.

I love you with all my heart. I need to be with you. Just say the word and I will be on the next plane North.

You are my heart Rox. Come fly away and be my love.

Cass"

Rox swallowed hard when she finished reading the note. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she reread the tender words of love. "Oh my god. I have never read anything so beautiful in my life," she said, covering her mouth with her hand to stifle a sob.

"Wow, Rox ... looks like this guy has fallen for you big time. How do you feel about him?" Jerri asked.

"I love him, Jer. Don't ask me how or why, but I do. I know we've only known each other a few weeks, but I really do love him. I can't believe he returns that love," she exclaimed.

"Oh, he more than returns it, Rox. This man is infatuated with you ... head over heels. Wouldn't you say, Nik?" Jerri remarked.

"Wha.... What? Oh yeah, I agree. Looks like your note didn't scare him away after all, Rox," Nikki said, quickly recovering from the disappointment of not seeing a reply to her earlier note.

Jerri looked closely at Nikki, accurately guessing what had her wife so preoccupied, before turning her attention back to Rox. "So, what's next? More chat? More e-mail? Maybe another phone call?" Jerri asked.

"Well, I should probably respond to this note for starters," Rox replied. "Then ... who knows?"

Posing her hands over the keyboard, she began to write as her two friends watched diligently over her shoulders.

"My Dearest Cass,

Your words bring such joy to my heart I can hardly contain it. I too am in love with you. I don't know how it could have happened so quickly ... we haven't even met in the physical sense, however, I find that you have become a vital piece of my life. I want desperately to meet you in person ... to touch you ... to feel your heart beating beneath my fingertips.

I do feel safe with you, Cass. I trust that you will never hurt me. I really need that in a relationship right now. I look forward to knowing your heart and soul, and to touching you with my own. I too promise to treat it tenderly and to never hurt you.

Your intentions are honorable, my love. I, the bard, find myself at a loss for words when I read the elegant prose penned by your own hand ... words of love and commitment ... promises of happiness and cherished moments. I too look forward to making love all night and carrying your memory with me throughout the days. I too wish to walk by your side through many years of life and love, only to lie in your arms as I take my dying breath. I am content in the knowledge that our love will endure the separation of life and death - only to meet again on the other side, where we will truly be together for all eternity.

I need you, Cass. I love you. Come to me, my love, and be happy in my arms.

Rox"

Rox sat back in her seat and read the note over one more time before clicking on 'send'. As the three women watched the note disappear into the far recesses of the Internet, Jerri leaned in and whispered into Nikki's ear, "If your note doesn't get him here, that one certainly will!"

Nikki just nodded her agreement as she leaned in and wrapped her arms around Rox.

**********

It was well after midnight and Rox was still working on her story despite Nikki's protests that she needed sleep to help her recover from Chris' latest beating. Rox argued that she was already behind in her commitments and that she just had to work in order to make up for lost time. After several failed attempts to get her to rest, Nikki just gave up and joined Jerri in the living room where she curled up with a book. Jerri has just arrived home from work moments before and was unwinding by playing with her Leggo's on the floor.

"She's being stubborn, isn't she?" Jerri asked, looking up from the Leggo hospital she was building.

"You know Jer, I always thought that you were the most stubborn person I knew, but she's got you beat by a mile!" Nikki answered. "Damn, that woman makes my blood boil some times!"

Jerri chuckled and resumed her construction. "I don't know, Nik ... I'd say you run a pretty close second," she commented.

"What!!? Jerri, I'm not stubborn!" Nikki protested.

Jerri looked at her wife and raised her eyebrows into her hairline. Her expression said it all.

"Don't look at me like that! I am not stubborn!" the blonde repeated.

"Yes you are," Jerri replied.

"No I'm not!" Nikki retorted.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Persistent too!" Jerri added, grinning and loving every minute of Nikki's ranting.

"I am not! Jerri, how can you say that? I try very hard to be patient and kind and understanding. I make a point of compromising whenever possible! I'm not stubborn ... I'm not!" Nikki said adamantly.

"Persistent too!" Jerri said again.

"Ah ... Ah ... Ah .... Aarrgghh!!! You did that on purpose didn't you?" Nikki demanded, finally catching on to Jerri's baiting.

Jerri just grinned guiltily.

"Why you little shit!" Nikki accused, getting up and crushing Jerri's Leggo hospital with her foot. "You forgot vindictive!" she added before stomping off to bed.

**********

The early dawn hours of Tuesday found Rox still typing at her computer, having spent the entire night working on her book. She ran into Nikki in the second story hallway - both of them on their way to the bathroom.

"'Morning," Nikki said sleepily. "Did you sleep well, Rox?"

Rox looked guiltily at Nikki and slipped into the bathroom ahead of her friend.

Nikki stood there staring at the closed door. Narrowing her eyes, she suddenly realized what had just happened. Pounding on the door, she shouted at her friend, "Roxanne, don't you dare tell me you were up all night!"

"All right, I won't," Rox answered through the door.

"Damn it, Rox! Damn it all to hell!" She shouted, hands on her hips, as Rox opened the door. "Chris beat the living shit out of you yesterday ... remember!!? Christ, woman. You've got to let your body recuperate. Staying up all night is just plain stupid. What part of that don't you understand?" she asked angrily.

Now Rox was angry. "What I don't understand, is what gives you the right to dictate my life to me, Nikki!?" she shouted back.

"What gives me the right? The fact that I love you - that's what gives me the right, Rox!" Nikki replied.

Roxanne had no reply to that reasoning. Instead, she just dropped her head to her chest and reached up with her right hand to rub her forehead, left hand posed on her hip. Looking up into her friend's face, she allowed a slight smile to break the facade. "You're right, Nik. I'm sorry ... but I was on a roll. I simply couldn't stop," she explained.

Nikki allowed her anger to dissipate at her friend's apology. Dropping her own hands from her hips, she reached out and hugged Rox. "I'm sorry too," she said, "but you really do need to get your sleep, Roxie."

"I will. In fact, I'm on my way to bed right now. I'm beat," she explained.

"Literally," Nikki added, causing the two women to chuckle slightly.

"Wake me up around noon, will ya?" she asked her blonde friend.

"Noon ... got it. Now listen to your nurse and get your butt to bed," Nikki replied.

"Yes Ma'am!" Rox said, saluting Nikki military style before marching off toward her room.

Nikki shook her head side to side like an indulgent parent as she took care of her own bathroom chores and headed back to bed to snuggle up with her wife.

"What was the big argument about?" Jerri asked as she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman.

Nikki looked up into Jerri's face. "I'm sorry, love. Did we wake you?" she asked apologetically.

"Nature was calling anyway. So what was the argument about?" Jerri asked again as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and pushed herself into a sitting position.

"Jer ... She was up all night. She's just now going to bed," Nikki replied.

"Nik ... Rox is a big girl you know. She really is capable of taking care of herself," Jerri observed.

"Yeah, I know, but, Christ, Jerri - she was beaten up yesterday. Under normal circumstances, I would agree with you. I'm sure there have been countless nights where she has worked straight through, but she was healthy then. Don't you think that she needs to give her body a chance to recover before she pushes the limits of her endurance?" Nikki asked.

Jerri rose to her feet and turned to look down at her wife on the bed. "I won't argue with that logic, Nik, but sometimes you tend to push the limits of your friendship with Rox ... know what I mean?" she asked delicately.

Nikki's brow furrowed. "No, what do you mean, Jerri?" she asked pointedly.

Jerri leaned over the bed and rested her hands on both sides of her wife, coming face to face with the blonde. "Look, Nik ... I know you love Rox very much, but you tend to be a little over protective around her .... and ... and ..."

"And... what Jerri?" Nikki demanded.

"And maybe a little bossy," the dark haired woman finished.

Nikki's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked seriously, her eyes starting to tear. "God ... I didn't realize ..."

"I know you didn't, love. It's just that you've got such a big heart and you want so desperately for Rox to be happy. You've just got to realize that she is responsible for her own happiness, and no matter how much you do to protect her, she needs to make her own decisions. You're a wonderful friend, Nikki, but friends are supposed to lend support, and guidance, not step by step instructions. See what I mean?" Jerri asked, hoping secretly that she wasn't digging a hole for herself with her wife and lover.

Nikki turned her head to the side and stared at the wall, not answering.

After a long moment of silence, Jerri leaned in and kissed her wife on the cheek. "Nature calls ... I'll be right back, love," she said as she rose to her feet and left the room.

Nikki looked inward for several long moments. Is Jerri right? she asked herself. Am I bossy? Have I tried to control Rox's life? I only want what's best for her. I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt her. God ... what if Jerri is right? I need to talk to Rox when she wakes up this afternoon. I need to tell her about the e-mail to Cass. Jerri is right - it was wrong to send it without Rox's knowledge. Damn, I am such an idiot some times! Feeling better that she had resolved to set things right, Rox rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

Jerri returned to find Nikki curled up in a ball on the far side of the bed. Knowing she had hurt her wife's feelings, she climbed into bed and spooned herself tightly behind the smaller woman, pulling her in close. I love you little one, she thought. I'm sorry I hurt you, but sometimes you push the good Samaritan thing a little too far. I'd hate to see your relationship with Rox suffer because you care too much, my love. Nikki instinctively melded into Jerri's longer frame, allowing herself to be absorbed by her lover's body as both women drifted back to sleep.

**********

Nikki reached over and shut off the alarm. 10:00 a.m. was illuminated on the dial. Damn! It feels like I just went to bed, she commented to herself as she rolled over and reached out to shake Jerri awake. "Jer, honey ... 10 o'clock, love. Time to get up," she said.

"But I don't wanna go to school," Jerri mumbled in her sleep.

Nikki chuckled as she shook her wife awake once more, this time leaning over the tall woman to kiss her gently on the cheek. "Jerri ... sweetheart, come on ... wakey, wakey!" she teased.

Jerri opened one eye and saw blue-green eyes looking back at her. Smiling, she said, "Good morning, Munchkin," before pulling Nikki's head down for a kiss. Releasing her wife, she opened her eyes again and said one word ... "Coffee!"

Nikki laughed and placed another kiss on Jerri's nose before climbing out of bed. "I'll go put a pot on ... get your buns out of bed ... 'kay?" she said, looking back over her shoulder as she walked out of the room.

Twenty minutes later, a freshly showered Jerri wrapped herself around Nikki and nuzzled her neck as the smaller woman stood at the kitchen counter pouring two cups of coffee.

"Hmmm, you smell good," Nikki replied, tilting her head to the side to allow better access to her neck.

"Good enough to eat?" teased the taller woman.

"That depends on whether you want to be late for work," Nikki replied, reaching behind to pull Jerri in closer.

Jerri accurately read the signs and pushed herself forward, trapping Nikki between herself and the counter, and grasping the smaller woman's breasts as she ground her hips into Nikki's backside.

"Oh god! Jerri ... if you keep that up, you will definitely be late for work!" she said as she pressed the back of her head into Jerri's shoulder.

"Hmmm," Jerri murmured.

Coming to her senses, Nikki turned around in Jerri's embrace and reached up to cup her wife's face between her hands. "Sweetheart ... you've got to go to work in a few minutes. Let me fix you some breakfast ... we'll continue this 'discussion' tonight, okay?" she suggested.

Jerri leaned in and kissed Nikki soundly. "No, you sit and let me make you some breakfast. How does a veggie omelet sound?" she asked.

"Sounds wonderful. I'll make the toast," she said.

A half hour later, Jerri was on her way to work after kissing her wife soundly and promising a night to remember when she returned early the next morning.

Closing the door behind her retreating wife, Nikki sighed and looked around the living room. Well, Rox won't be up for another hour yet... what to do ... what to do? she asked herself. Nikki really hated being bored. After tidying up the kitchen, she searched through Rox's bookshelves, looking for something interesting to read. Finding nothing that really caught her eye, she decided to let her mind wander to the one place she had been avoiding - Rox's e-mail. She was dying to know if Cass had responded yet to her plea for help. Without another moment's hesitation, Nikki bounded up the stairs to the third story and quickly logged onto the Internet, only to be disappointed when there was no reply from Cass. She immediately started having doubts about Cass' sincerity. "Where the hell is he?" she asked out loud. Damn him! If he's playing with Rox's heart, I'll kill the bastard! she thought before logging off. Glancing at the clock on the desk, she noted that it was nearly noon. I guess I'd better wake Rox up, she thought as she rose from the desk and descended the stairs to the second story.

**********

Late in the afternoon, Nikki placed a glass of iced tea on the desk beside Rox, who was sitting there, typing away, diligently working on her book. Leaning in, she kissed her on the head then leaned over her shoulder to read the latest entries.

"I can't wait to beta read this thing for you," she remarked.

"Looks like it will be ready in a week or two," Rox replied. Suddenly, Rox stopped typing and turned her chair around to face Nikki. "Nik, have I told you lately how much I love you? You have been such a wonderful friend. Sweetheart, I don't know what I would do without you and Jerri," she said as Nikki blushed from the praise. "You know," she continued, "looking back on how we met, I realize now that my life would be very different if you hadn't come onto the scene six years ago and beat the shit out of that idiot who was trying to rape me. I owe you so much, Nikki. Thank you for being my friend," she finished.

Nikki leaned down and hugged Rox fiercely, causing the red head to wince from her bruises. "Oops, sorry," Nikki exclaimed, releasing her hold on Rox. "Hey, how about a walk on the beach. You really need to get some fresh air," she suggested.

"Sounds good," Rox replied as she shut down the computer. "Afterwards, I'll give you a hand with dinner ... or maybe we can just order take out," she suggested.

"Cool! Come on," Nikki said, reaching out for Rox's hand.

Soon the two friends were walking arm in arm along the beach, enjoying the setting sun, the light sea breeze, and pleasant conversation. Their heads dipped together on occasion, smiles on both their faces as they kicked up the surf and squished wet sand between their toes. The figure watched solemnly as the friends enjoyed their walk, angry thoughts of revenge tormenting the demented mind. Soon, Roxanne ... soon. You won't escape me this time, came the mantra as the figure watched the retreating silhouettes walk into the sunset.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XXVI

"Man! What a rough two days!" Cass whined out loud as she kicked off her shoes and dropped down onto the couch in her condo. Leaning her head against the back of the couch, she rested her feet on the coffee table and let out a sigh. "How can someone get so tired just by sitting?" she asked to none one in particular.

Cass, you know, you really need a housemate. All this talking to yourself is really making me worried. Enforcer piped in.

Suddenly, Cass' stomach growled loudly.

Whoa! Time to visit Angie! Enforcer exclaimed. No offense, my friend, but airline food really sucks! After two days of eating that swill, I'm looking forward to some home cooking. Get your ass in the shower so we can go to dinner! her alter ego demanded.

Cass did as she was told, thoroughly enjoying the warm spray of the shower massage against her skin. She couldn't believe how sore and stiff she was just from sitting for long hours in the cockpit ... and sleeping on hard hotel room beds. I really need to find another job, she thought, one that doesn't put me in the cockpit for such extended periods of time.

While towel drying her hair, Cass sauntered into the office to power up the computer.

Cass, what the hell are you doing? I thought we were going to dinner? Enforcer asked.

E, I haven't checked my e-mail for three days. I need to see if Rox responded to my last note, she replied. We can get some dinner afterwards.

It can't wait for a couple of hours? Geesh, Cass, you're pussy whipped all ready! Enforcer teased.

I am not! I'm just concerned that she may think I'm unresponsive. That's all, Cass explained.

Bull Shit! Enforcer exclaimed. You can't fool me Cass! You are pussy whipped. You're madly in love and you'll do anything to make her happy.

Cass threw her hands up into the air. All right! All right! So what if I am? Yes ... I'll do whatever it takes. Are you happy now? she asked sarcastically.

Whatever it takes, huh? Enforcer asked.

Whatever it takes, Cass reiterated as she selected the 'new mail' icon and waited for the server to complete its query.

Seconds later, the server delivered three pieces of new mail into Cass' account. As far as Cass was concerned, there was only one ... the one which read 'HELP!!' in the subject line.

"Oh my god!" she said out loud as she double clicked on the note and began to read.

"Hi Cass,

This is Nikki. As you can see, I am using Rox's e-mail account to send this note to you.

Cass, Rox is in serious trouble. Now, before you panic, let me say that she's safe at this very moment. In fact, she's in the hospital again, at least for the night. You see, Chris managed to break into the house undetected around midnight last night. Rox and I were the only one's home ... Jerri was working. Chris knocked me out cold and then attacked Rox in her sleep. Jerri interrupted the attack when she came home, but Chris managed to escape. The police have issued an APB, but so far, no luck finding the bastard.

Cass, she's a mess. She's not critically injured, but she does have a concussion, and she is so black and blue that even I didn't recognize her. It is such a pathetic sight, it makes me cry to see her.

You had said in your last note to her that you would jump on the next plane north if she needed you. Well, Cass - I would say that she needs you desperately right now. Last night's attack, while I was in the house with her, is evidence that she needs more protection than I can give her. Jerri is here with her during the day, but even an idiot like Chris wouldn't be stupid enough to attack during broad daylight. Jerri works mostly at night, so that leaves me here to protect her alone. Obviously, I am not capable of doing the job ... at least not by myself.

She needs you Cass ... please, if it is at all possible, find a way to come to her ... to be here with her, at least until Chris is caught and is behind bars. She lives in Rockland, Maine, at 1163 Oceanview Terrace. It's right on the ocean. Any taxi at the airport can take you there. Please hurry, Cass. There's no telling when Chris might show up again.

I will stay here with her and protect her to the best of my ability, Cass, but she needs more protection than I can give her. Please hurry.

Nikki"

Cass sat staring at the screen for several long moments before Enforcer broke her reverie.

Cass! Cass! God damn it, girl, snap out of it. Your woman is in danger. Get your ass in gear and do something about it! her alter ego scolded.

"Rox!" Cass said in a hoarse whisper. "Hold on sweetheart, I'm coming," she added as she rose to her feet and ran through the condo, grabbing her car keys as she headed for the door.

Cass ... did you get the address? Enforcer asked.

Cass stopped dead in her tracks, one hand on the door handle. "Shit! No, I didn't," she said out loud as she headed back to the office and selected 'print' on the message that was still displayed on the screen. She waited impatiently as the note printed out. "Come on ... come on ... print!" she urged, finally grabbing the piece of paper as it ejected from the printer.

Cass, aren't you going to shut the computer down? Enforcer asked.

"Fuck it! I don't have time," she replied as she headed out the door.

**********

"Look, I don't care what it costs ... now book me on the next flight to Maine, damn it!" Cass shouted as she leaned over the ticket clerk.

The clerk nervously typed Cass' destination into the computer and waited for the program to provide available flight information as she chanced furtive glances at the tall anxious woman. As dreaded, there were no flights available for that evening.

"What?" Cass shouted. "Damn it! There has to be something. Here ... let me have the phone," she demanded from the timid clerk.

Cass quickly dialed a number and waited, impatiently drumming her fingers on the counter top. Finally, a connection was made. "Jimmy? Jimmy, this is Cass. Look, I need to book a flight to Maine for this evening. It's vital that I get on a plane tonight. Jimmy ... Jimmy, someone I love very much may be in danger ... I need to get on a plane tonight!" she insisted. "Look, I don't want to hear about special favors for pilots ... I need a flight out TONIGHT!" she yelled. "For Christ's sake, then rent me a chartered jet ... I'll fly it there myself!" she demanded. "Yes I'm fucking serious! ... Good ... all right ... when will it be ready? ... Two hours ... fine ... okay ... I'll be on runway three in half that time. Look, you'll need to find a replacement for my Thursday fight into Mexico. I don't think I'll be back until later in the weekend. All right ... and Jimmy - thanks, I owe you one. Good bye." Hanging up the phone, she thanked the receptionist and headed back home to collect an overnight bag.

**********

Rox, I wish real life was more like one of your science fiction novels ... then I could just teleport myself to you instantly instead of flying for eight hours across the country. Damn! I wish there was a way to get to you faster, she complained internally as she waited for radio clearance to take off. It was nearly midnight before her flight had been cleared. I'm not going to reach you until 10 or 11 a.m. your time, she mused again. God, I hope I'm not too late.

Clearance was finally granted as she taxied the jet onto the runway. Minutes later, she was gaining altitude and was on her way to the East Coast.

Cass ... You know, you really should have gotten some sleep before taking off. You flew for six hours earlier today. How are you going to stay awake long enough to fly eight more? Enforcer asked.

Don't worry about me, E ... I'll stay awake ... I have to - Rox needs me. I can't afford to fall asleep, she replied.

I certainly hope so, my friend, you won't be much good to her dead! Enforcer pointed out.

Seven hours and 38 minutes later, Cass landed in Augusta, Maine, 35 miles northwest of Rockland. With the crossover in time zones, she touched down at 10:32 a.m. EDT. She was thoroughly exhausted and spent a good portion of the next 20 minutes in the ladies room at the airport, splashing cold water on her face to revive her tired body before hiring a taxi to take her to Rockland.

**********

Well, Nikki, I've decided that you have to die too ... seeing as you never leave her side, the stealthed figure thought evilly as the pair drank coffee on the glider together. It was a beautiful morning and the best friends had decided to take their coffee outside as they sat on the glider and discussed ideas for the next section of Rox's book. Jerri had worked the night before and was still sleeping at 11 a.m. on this beautiful Maine morning, although she was not scheduled to work that day.

Nikki and Jerri had a long discussion the night before about Cass' unresponsiveness to Nikki's note. Nikki was convinced that Cass was not sincere in his declaration of love, and was debating about whether to tell Rox she had sent the note. Jerri was more ready to give Cass the benefit of the doubt, but left the decision to tell Rox, up to Nikki.

**********

Jerri rolled over and looked at the clock. 11:17 a.m. Sometimes she hated working the night shift. It always seemed as if half the day was gone before she rolled out of bed. Throwing her legs over the side, she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Rising to her feet, she went straight to the bathroom before heading downstairs for a cup of coffee. Filling her coffee cup, she peeked onto the back deck to say good morning to her wife and friend before heading back up stairs to shower. On her way to the stairs, she heard a knock at the front door. Reaching for the knob, she pulled the door open, to come face to face with a tall, dark haired beauty, who looked vaguely familiar.

"Hi!" Jerri said. "May I help you?"

"Rox ... I'm looking for Roxanne Ward," the woman said.

"She's on the back deck. May I ask who's calling on her?" Jerri said.

"Cass Con...." came the partial reply.

"You're shitting me!" shouted Jerri, taking a step backward. "You're Cass???!! Holy Fucking Mother of God... she's going to shit!"

**********

"Rox, when was the last time you heard from Cass?" Nikki asked as she sipped her coffee.

"Ah, let me see, that would have been a few days ago when he sent his last note. Why do you ask?" Rox replied.

"Well....." Nikki started before she was interrupted by a yell from the living room.

"Rox... there's someone here to see you!" came Jerri's voice.

**********

Jerri just stood there staring at Cass.

"May I come in?" Cass asked awkwardly, still standing on the front porch holding the screen door open.

"Sure ... sure, come in. Sorry about that," Jerri said, stepping back to let Cass enter.

"Well, you know who I am ... and you are...?" Cass asked.

Again, Jerri shook herself mentally for staring. "Ah ... I'm Jerri Lockwood - Rox's friend. Nice to meet you," she offered her hand, grinning ear to ear. Man! Rox is going to be shocked! she thought to herself. Wow, Cass, you're even better looking than your picture!

Both women looked at the door to the kitchen as they heard noises approaching from the other side.

**********

Nikki looked at Rox. "Are you expecting any visitors?" she asked.

"Looking like this?" she commented, referring to her bruises, "No way! I wonder who it is?" Rox replied.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," Nikki replied, hoping against hope that it was Cass. Rising to her feet, she held her hand out to Rox. "Come on," she said.

"Nik, will you go see for me? I really don't want to be seen like this," she asked her friend.

"No Rox ... now come on, don't be such a chicken. Let's go," she said again, reaching for her friend's hand.

Rox finally complied as Nikki helped her to her feet and they entered the kitchen on route to the living room.

**********

The door to the living room swung open as Rox and Nikki stepped through. Rox stopped dead in her tracks as she came face to face with a beautiful dark haired woman who towered over her by at least eight inches.

Nikki looked questioningly at Jerri, who just grinned in response.

"Oh my God, Rox!" Cass said in anguish, stepping forward to reach out for Rox when she saw the condition the red head was in.

Rox narrowed her eyes. Why does she look so familiar? she asked herself. "Do I know you?" she asked.

Cass was taken back by Rox's reaction. "Rox ... Its me ... Cass," she replied, still reaching forward with her hand.

Rox and Nikki gasped at the same time. "You can't be ... Cass is .... is..." Rox stammered, head darting side to side looking for an escape route. "Ah ... this can't be happening .. it can't be," she said, as she began to panic. Oh my god! Cass is a woman? A woman!? It can't be! her mind screamed.

Rox covered her hand with her mouth and started backing up against the door as Cass touched her palm to her cheek.

"Oh my god! No! Don't touch me!" Rox screamed, cringing visibly and brushing Cass' hand away. "Oh my god, oh my god..." she said again before turning tail and running back into the kitchen.

Cass looked at Jerri and Nikki in alarm.

"It leads to the beach ... if you love her, go after her," Jerri suggested as she pointed to the door.

Cass headed for the door as Nikki looked at her wife. "But ... but ... but ... Jer?" she said before starting after Cass.

"No, Nik ... let them be. This is bound to be a huge shock to Rox. Give them time. If they truly love each other, it won't matter," Jerri said, holding on to Nikki's arm.

**********

Rox felt a desperate sense of panic rise in her chest as she ran across the sand toward the surf. Oh my god, oh my god! she panted to herself, her head swimming with confusion as she peered over her shoulder to see if Cass had followed her. All of the sudden Rox felt like she hit a brick wall as she ran into a figure standing right in front of her ... a figure that stopped her dead in her tracks at the edge of the water. "Chris!" she shouted despairingly.

"Hello Roxanne. My, you have such nice color in your face today," he said as he reached out and grabbed her by the throat.

"Chris!" she said again, grabbing onto his wrists as he lifted her off her feet by her neck. "Pl ... please ... don't!"

"You've humiliated me, Roxanne. You and your girlfriends. They're going to die too ... right after I'm finished with you," he threatened.

"No, Chr ... Chris ... please!" she cried again, trying desperate to take the pressure off her neck as her toes left the sand.

"Shut up, Bitch!" he screamed. "Don't tell me you didn't fuck them! I saw you kissing them! How could you?" he ranted as he closed his hands tighter around her neck.

"Rox! Rox!" came a voice from a several yards down the beach.

Chris looked beyond Roxanne's shoulder at the tall, dark haired woman running toward them, then looked back to Rox with raised eyebrows. "Another new prospect, Rox? What's the matter ... two aren't enough for you?" he accused.

"Arghghhrhghh, Rox choked out, trying desperately to pull air into her lungs as she fought to remain conscious.

Cass stopped short when she realized the precarious situation Rox was in. "Chris, put her down," Cass warned. "Put her down and walk away from her. I don't want to have to hurt you."

Chris looked at Cass and laughed. "You don't scare me, bitch. I don't know who the hell you are, but if you know what's good for you, you'll walk away and forget what you've seen."

"You son of a bitch!" Nikki screamed as she came running up behind Chris and jumped on his back. She had gone onto the back deck to watch the drama unfold between Cass and Rox, when she realized that Chris had made an appearance and was now threatening Roxanne's life. While Cass had him distracted, she ran off the deck and circled around behind them before Jerri could stop her. She managed to sneak up behind Chris and jump on his back where she was currently pummeling his head with her fists.

Chris dropped Rox into the sand and grabbed Nikki by the hair, bending over and depositing her in the sand next to the red head. Hauling back, he kicked her solidly in the ribs, in full view of Jerri who launched herself at him with a full body tackle, bringing them both to the ground. By the time he shook Jerri off and made it back to his feet, Cass had joined them and was faced off with him in a classic Taekwondo stance.

Chris stood there and laughed at Cass. "Am I supposed to be afraid of you, little girl?" he asked bitterly.

"Last time I looked, I wasn't exactly little," Cass said as she hit Chris in the jaw with the heel of her foot, sending him crashing into the surf. Jerri took the opportunity to pounce on him and bury her fists into his face several times before Cass finally pulled her off. Chris laid there in a pathetic heap as Cass and Jerri stood over him.

"Damn that felt good!" Jerri exclaimed, fists clenched by her sides. "I've been wanting to do that for months!"

"Jerri, please see to Rox and Nikki ... I need to find something to tie this bastard up with until the police come," Cass said.

**********

"Rox, you stay here with Cass. I'll take Nikki to the emergency room to have her ribs checked out," Jerri suggested as Rox made a move to get into the backseat of Jerri's car.

"Jer...." Rox said pleadingly, not wanting to be left alone with Cass who was currently answering questions for the police. Chris was handcuffed securely in the back seat of the cruiser.

Jerri took Rox by the shoulders. "Rox ... I know this is uncomfortable, but you have to deal with it. Just listen to your heart, okay?" she said leaning in and kissing the red head on the cheek before climbing into her car.

Nikki had already settled into the front passenger seat and was leaning against the door, her arms wrapped around her middle. Leaning down to poke her head in the window, Rox kissed Nikki lightly on the head and whispered, "I'm sorry," to her friend.

Nikki smiled gently and assured Rox that she'd be okay, promising to call later from home. Rox nodded and waved as Jerri backed out of the driveway and headed to the hospital. The police cruiser left moments later, leaving Rox and Cass standing in the driveway, an uncomfortable silence between them.

Rox watched the police cruiser as it drove out of sight, avoiding direct contact with Cass' eyes. She jumped when she felt Cass' hand on her upper arm. Cass pulled it away immediately.

"I ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," she apologized.

Rox wrapped her arms around herself and nodded, dropping her chin to her chest. "It's okay," she said before adding, "Maybe we should go inside."

The pair moved into the house, the tension between them almost palatable. Rox did her best to keep a safe distance between them, wishing beyond all hope that she was anywhere but alone with Cass right now.

Once inside, Rox's manners kicked in. "Can I get you anything ... coffee, ice tea ...?" Rox offered politely as they stood awkwardly in the foyer.

Cass, this woman is Little Suzie Homemaker! Would you like some tea, kind sir? Enforcer mocked. Maybe this was a mistake? the alter ego suggested.

No, E. There's something else going on here ... I don't know what it is, but I intend to find out, Cass replied internally as she reached out and took Rox by the shoulders. "Rox ..." she began.

Rox immediately shook her hands off, flapping her own arms in the air repeatedly. "No! ... No, please, don't touch me!" she demanded as she moved away from Cass, crossing the room and wrapping her arms around herself once more.

Cass was thoroughly confused. This was not the woman she shared loving and intimate e-mails with. "Rox, honey, talk to me. What's wrong?" Cass asked, her hands spread out in front of her in a pleading gesture.

Roxanne looked her in the face for the first time and was immediately stunned by the brilliant blue of the taller woman's eyes. Their eyes held each other's for several moments, threads of attraction spanning the physical distance between them. Threads that scared the hell out of Rox.

"Rox ...?" Cass questioned once more.

"Cass ... you're a woman!" Rox finally answered.

Cass' brow immediately furrowed as she stood to her full height.

No shit Sherlock! So she finally noticed, huh? How the hell could she possibly think you were anything BUT a woman? With knockers like yours, even a blind man could see! Cass this woman is a head case ... run while you still can! Enforcer encouraged.

Cass shook off the offending thoughts and took two steps toward Rox, who immediately backed up the same distance. Cass stopped short and stared at the petite red head. "Rox ... I don't understand ... of course I'm a woman ... I assumed you knew ... I sent a picture!" she stammered, not fully understanding the implications of Rox's fears.

Rox's head snapped up as Cass mentioned the picture. Of course! she said to herself. She's the woman in the picture! I thought she was the man! Oh my god! Roxanne, you really fucked up this time! "Cass," she said to the woman, "I assumed the man in the picture was you ... I'm sorry," she said as her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry."

Cass placed her left hand on her hip and massaged her forehead with the other hand. Sighing deeply, she tried to think back to what she had told Rox about the picture. I'm attaching a scanned photo of myself and my co-pilot so you can see for yourself, she recalled. Closing her eyes, she dropped her chin to her chest and mentally kicked herself for not at least mentioning Brian's name when she referred to her co-pilot. Cass, you're such a screw up! No wonder she was confused! she scolded herself. God, how can I fix this?

"Rox," Cass began, taking several steps toward the smaller woman before Rox stopped her once more. "Rox, please let me touch you ... let me hold you," she pleaded desperately. "I promise not to hurt you," she added.

Looking into the dark haired woman's eyes was almost her undoing. What Rox saw there went straight to her heart and filled her body with such a rush of heat, she thought she was going to faint. Raging confusion filled her heart and mind as she nodded slightly, giving the taller woman permission to envelope her in a loving embrace.

Cass slowly pulled Rox into her arms, holding her close and running her hands up and down the smaller woman's back. By the gods, she feels good in my arms, she thought as she buried her face in Rox's hair.

Helllllooooo!?? Enforcer interjected. Earth to Cass! Don't you get it? She's not into chicks!

Enforcer's words came crashing in on Cass with such force, she felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Slowly, she relaxed her hold on the woman, tears clouding her vision as she took a step backward, trembling hands dropping to her sides.

Rox couldn't believe the sense of loss she felt when Cass released her. Part of her wanted to reach out and cling desperately to the taller woman. She felt so safe, so loved. The other part of her wanted to run away ... run as far as possible. This isn't supposed to be happening, she thought. Even as close as Nikki and I are, I've never even considered this type of relationship. God, why do I feel this way? Why does it hurt so much?

Rox's right hand flew up to cover her mouth, stifling a sob while her left arm circled her own waist, pulling in tightly to reduce the impact of her sobbing on her injured body.

"Rox ... I'm sorry ... I ... I..." Cass stammered through her tears. She had never felt such pain in her life. Her heart was literally tearing in two, her breath coming in short pants, eyes darting around wildly for some sign that this wasn't really happening. Never before had she felt such a sense of despair - not even when Patti died. "Rox, I love you," she finally managed to say. "I thought you knew ... I ..."

"Cass," Rox said through her tears. Taking a step forward, she reached up and touched the side of Cass' face. "I care about you too," she whispered. "The fact that you're a woman doesn't change that ... it does however, change the way I view what I feel."

Cass covered Rox's hand with her own and pulled it down close to her chest. "What do you mean?" she asked, tilting her head down so that her nose was within a hair's breath of Rox's.

Rox dropped her chin to her chest for a moment before looking up once more into the captivating pools of blue. "Cass, I have never been attracted to women ... I don't know if I can ... I just don't know," she whispered, shaking her head side to side.

Cass leaned her forehead against Rox's and closed her eyes, allowing the tears to run down her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, and swallowing hard, she resolved herself to the inevitable. "I understand, Rox. It breaks my heart, but I do understand," she said.

Rox pulled her head back and took Cass' face between her hands. Looking directly into her eyes, she allowed her own tears to fall as she sought the words to comfort this beautiful woman and to waylay her own fears. "No, Cass, you don't understand. I DO care for you, but these feelings terrify me. I have never felt this way for a woman before. I don't know if I can do it ... I need time," she pleaded.

Cass raised her head out of Rox's hands and took a step back. Reaching up, she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand and forced a smile onto her face ... a smile that did not reach her eyes. Nodding her head, she spoke, "Ah ... maybe I should go. I'm sorry, Rox ... sorry that I messed things up so badly," she said as the started toward the door.

Rox beat her to it, slamming the door hard and blocking it with her body. "No, Cass. You're not going anywhere. You look like you're dead on your feet. When was the last time you slept?" she asked the tall woman.

"Rox, please," Cass said, reaching once more for the door handle.

"I said, NO!" Roxanne said forcefully, "now answer my question ... when was the last time you slept?" she asked again.

Cass placed both hands on her hips and debated about whether to physically move Rox out of the way, before reconsidering. "Rox..."

"Damn it, Cass Conway! I said you weren't going anywhere!" Rox declared loudly, still blocking the door.

Cass threw her hands up in defeat. "All right! All right! I haven't slept since Monday night, okay!" she confessed.

"Monday night? Monday night? Cass, that was two days ago for Christ's sake!" Rox ranted. "Jesus Christ, woman! The only place you're going is to bed," she said. Reaching forward, she took Cass' arm and directed her toward the stairs.

Cass resisted. "Rox, this isn't necessary ... really," she said.

"Oh yes it is," Rox insisted, turning Cass around once more and pushing her toward the stairs. "Cass ... you flew all the way across the continent to protect me from Chris. Please let me do this for you," she pleaded when it was obvious she was getting nowhere trying to maneuver the larger woman toward the stairs.

Cass looked down into the forlorn look in Rox's eyes, and knew she was powerless to resist.

"Okay ... I'll stay, but just for a short while. I'll take a nap, then I'll be on my way," she explained.

Rox didn't know what to say. A little voice inside of her told her to hang onto this woman for dear life, but the fear of facing the truth presided over her heart and demanded she let Cass go.

"All right," Rox said, "a nap it is."

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XXVII

"Hello?" Rox said as she picked up the receiver while pouring herself a cup of coffee. She had just gotten out of bed a half hour earlier and was ready to enjoy her first coffee while relaxing on the back deck.

"Hi Rox! How are you feeling this morning," came a grumpy voice.

"Nikki!" Rox exclaimed. "I'm pretty sore, and quite a sight to look at, but otherwise, I'm okay. How are your ribs?" she asked.

"Bruised and tender," she replied. "Rox, how did things go last night?" asked the anxious blonde.

"None too subtle, are we, Nik?" Rox giggled.

"Look, Rox ... my ribs hurt, my head is pounding, and I've got my period ... don't mess with me this morning - okay? Just answer the question!" she insisted.

"You got your period, huh? Well, that explains the frustration in your voice," Rox teased.

"Roxanne Ward!" Nikki yelled into the phone.

"Okay! All right! Chill, will ya?" Rox joked. "She went to bed after you left."

"Alone?" Nikki asked.

"Well, of course, alone! Geesh Nikki, what do you think I am?" Rox exclaimed.

"Right now, I'd say you're lucky ... six feet of gorgeous in your bed ... yep - I'd say you're damned lucky!" Nikki replied.

"Nikki, she's not in my bed ... she's in the guest room," Rox explained.

"Well, technically, that's your bed too," Nikki reached.

"Aarrgghh!" Rox exclaimed at her friend's logic. "Nikki, don't you have anything better to do with your time than harass me?" she asked.

"No," Nikki answered.

"Anyway," Rox continued, "she went to bed shortly after you and Jerri left yesterday, and she's been sleeping ever since."

"Rox, that was, let's see ... about 18 or 19 hours ago! She's STILL sleeping?" Nikki asked incredulously.

"Well ... she hadn't slept in about 36 hours before she got here, Nik. She was exhausted," Rox explained, starting to feel a little uneasy that Cass hadn't yet made an appearance. She decided to check on her as soon as she hung up with Nikki.

"So what happened?" Nikki asked.

"What do you mean, what happened?" Rox replied

"You know ... after we left. Things were pretty tense ... I hated to leave you there like that," the blonde winced.

"Well, we talked for a bit," Rox said. Sighing deeply, she continued. "Nik, I just don't know what to do. Damn it! I have feelings for her, but it scares the shit out of me!" she confessed. "Nikki ... help me out here. This isn't exactly my area of expertise."

"And you think it's mine?" Nikki asked sarcastically.

"Come on Nikki ... you're attracted to women ... tell me - how am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act? What am I supposed to do now?" she asked, all flustered, her free hand flying around in the air.

"Roxie, honey ... calm down. What do you mean, how do you act? Just be yourself for crying out loud. Geesh, do you think we use a manual with step by step instructions?" Nikki exclaimed.

"Well!!! I don't know, Nik! Cut me some slack here!" Rox whined.

"Okay, Rox. Look, there are no rules ... no expected behaviors. You just need to follow your heart," Nikki explained before pausing slightly. "Rox, this isn't about being gay ... it's about being in love. Okay ... so you're in love with a woman! Yes, that changes things, but it's still love - don't you see?" Nikki urged.

Rox was silent for several moments.

"Roxie?" Nikki asked.

"I'm here, Nik," she said, pausing again. "Nikki, I have so much to think about. Look, I'm going to run upstairs to check on Cass. I'll call you later this afternoon, okay?" she said.

"All right. Honey, call me if you need to talk ... promise?" Nikki asked.

"I promise. I'll talk to you later, Nik. Love you," Rox proclaimed.

"Love you too, sweetie, bye," Nikki said before hanging up.

Rox stood there holding the receiver in her hand, staring into space until the buzzing from the open telephone line broke her reverie. Snapping out of her trance, she reached forward and hung up the phone. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the stairs.

**********

"Cass?" Rox said from behind the closed door. "Cass?" she said again.

Rox had climbed the stairs to the second story, nervously anticipating the upcoming conversation with Cass. She was beside herself with anxiety, and thoroughly confused about what she was feeling for this tall, dark beauty. Rox, calm down ... Nikki is right, she said to herself. This is about love. Forget that she's a woman for a moment. You would know just what to do if she were a man ... think! Take it slowly, she agonized as she approached the bedroom door and knocked softly. Several moments later, she was still standing in the hall, waiting for a response from the tired pilot. Finally, Rox reached down and gently turned the handle, slowly pushing the door open and peering inside.

The room was empty ... the bed was made.

Rox looked around the room frantically. "Cass?" she called out futilely, seeing no one in the room upon entering. Turning around, she ran out into the hall to check the second story bathroom. The door was wide open ... the room was vacant.

"Cass?" she said again, her voice a little more frantic.

Maybe she went exploring, her subconscious mind suggested, as she headed toward the stairs to the attic office. Taking the stairs as fast as her injuries would allow, she reached the top and looked around the empty room. She even investigated the widow's walk -- walking completely around the periphery of the second story -- but to no avail.

"Where is she?" she asked out loud as she stepped back into the office. Suddenly, she wondered if the tall woman had gone for an early morning walk on the beach. Walking back onto the widow's walk, she looked up and down the shoreline. Not only was Cass nowhere to be seen, but the beach was totally deserted. Rox frowned as she once more reentered the office.

Thoroughly confused as to Cass' whereabouts, Rox descended the stairs to the second story and returned to the guestroom that Cass had occupied the night before. Entering the room, she noticed something she hadn't earlier ... a folded piece of paper on top of the pillow. Walking cautiously toward the bed, Rox looked down at the paper for long moments before hesitantly reaching for it. Unfolding the note, she immediately noticed the strong, bold cursive penmanship. Her mind subconsciously registered the appropriateness of the strokes as she began to read ...

"My Dearest Rox,

I know this is taking the coward's way out, but I couldn't bear to say good bye to you face to face this morning. I have lost my heart to you, dear bard. I lost it the day I looked into emerald green eyes staring up at me from the back of your book cover. No one has ever affected me this way before.

As you came through the kitchen door and I looked into your face yesterday, my heart and soul completely surrendered to you ... they no longer belong to me. I saw something else in your face as well ... confusion, fear, anxiety. I didn't know at the time what caused those vile emotions ... I didn't know until later ... until after Chris was arrested and you confessed the confusion of my gender with that of my co-pilot, Brian.

I have so much to be grateful for in my life, the best of which was the opportunity to love you. I am sorry that I have hurt you ... that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I will never forgive myself for deceiving you, dear love. It was not my intention to do so.

I am afraid Rox. I am afraid that I will never again find the kind of love I found in you. I am afraid that I will never feel again, the way I feel when I'm with you. When I lost Patti three years ago, I never dreamed that I would allow myself to fall in love again, but, alas, it has happened, and I have fallen so deeply, that I allowed that love to blind me to the possibility that you could not reciprocate. I have been a fool, and have caused you pain and discomfort in the process.

Once again, Rox, I'm sorry ... for deceiving you ... for hurting you ... for leaving the way I did ... but most of all, for not being what you want and need.

Oh, by the way, the offer still stands ... I will be here whenever you need me. Please don't hesitate to contact me by phone or e-mail. I will always be there for you, Rox ... all you have to do is call.

I love you Rox. I always will.

Cass"

A lone tear fell onto the page as Rox blinked. Oh my god, she said to herself. Damn you, Cass!

Sitting heavily on the edge of the bed, she allowed the note to float to the floor as she buried her face in her hands and started to cry. Finally, she threw herself back on the bed and stared unseeingly at the ceiling. Why does this hurt so much? she asked herself. I barely know her. She's a woman, for god's sake, she insisted to herself. I know I feel strongly for her ... but ... but ... she's a woman!

Rox continued to agonize over her feelings for Cass for the next half hour, alternating between anger, and regret ... anger winning out in the end. Finally she rose from the bed and climbed the stairs to the attic, after first retrieving Cass' note from the floor.

By the time the computer had finished booting up, Rox was in a rage. Sitting down in front of the screen, she selected Netscape Messenger and posed her hands over the keyboard, ready to vent. Selecting "New Message", she began to type.

"Cass,

When I awoke this morning and found you gone, my first instinct was panic, quickly followed by regret, and finally, by anger. You are right - you took the coward's way out. Damn you, Cass ... why did you run? You waltzed into my life, announced that you are in love with me, then, poof! ... you disappeared.

I am so angry with you right now ... how the hell am I supposed to react to that? Do you always drop bombshells on people and then run before they explode? You had no right to do that to me, Cass.

Yes, it is true, I mistook your identity ... How could I do otherwise? I have never been attracted to women ... at least not before you came into my life. I won't deny that this terrifies me. In fact, it scares the shit out of me ... and by the looks of your little mutiny, it scares you as well.

I don't appreciate you leaving the way you did. I would have liked to spend some time talking this over. You've made that just a little hard to do by putting 3,000 miles between us. Christ, Cass, I could just shake you!

All right, I'm going to end this note before I say something I'll really regret. Know that I still care deeply for you, and I really do want to continue our friendship. Please don't pull away from me now, I need your help to understand what I am feeling for you.

I'll talk to you later,

Rox"

Rox quickly scanned the contents of the note before clicking on 'send' and watching her anger recede into cyberspace. Sitting back in her chair, she felt her anger and anxiety ease as she logged off the 'Net and opened her word processor to continue working on her book.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XXVIII

"Cass!" the voice shouted. "Cass, open the god dammed door!"

Cass slowly lifted her head off the pillow and looked around, not really sure where she was. Finally, the realized that she was in her own bed, and that someone was pounding on her front door. Glancing at the digital clock on the night stand, she noted the time - 9:08 a.m.

"Cassidy Conway, you open this door right now, or I'll bust it down!" came the voice. "Do you hear me!!?"

Cass sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Rising to her feet, she half walked, half staggered into the living room and headed for the door.

Reaching for the doorknob, she heard the threatening words, "All right, Cass, I warned you!"

Cass opened the door just as Angie launched herself toward it, the momentum causing her to fly through the open doorway, landing face down on the floor. Cass just stood over the prone woman, with her hands on her hips. "You sure do know how to make an entrance, Ang," she said dryly.

Angie reached up. "Don't just stand there, help me up!" she exclaimed angrily. After Cass helped her to her feet, she turned on the tall woman. "Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!" she demanded. "You haven't answered your phone, you weren't at work, you didn't come to the diner for your meals ... Christ woman, are you TRYING to make me gray?"

"Angie, I was out of town," Cass explained.

"Out of town? For three days? Where did you go, Europe?" she asked sarcastically.

Cass walked wearily to the couch and sat down heavily. Dropping her face into her hands, she rubbed vigorously before running her hands through her hair. Suddenly, she looked up at her friend. "Did you say three days?" she asked. "What day is this?"

Angie sat on the coffee table in front of Cass and reached forward to feel her forehead. "Cass, are you all right?" she asked. "You don't seem to be running a fever," she added.

Cass endured the affectionate attention. "Ang, what day is this?" she repeated.

"It's Friday, Cass. You've been gone since Tuesday. The airline told me that your Mexico run arrived on time Tuesday night, but they hadn't seen you since. Cass - where were you?" the older woman asked again.

"Friday? Wow! I have just slept the past 19 hours away!" she exclaimed.

Angie leaned forward and took Cass' face in her hands. "Talk to me, sweetie. I have been worried sick about you. Cass, honey, where have you been?" she pleaded, looking directly into Cass' blue eyes.

Cass frowned as she remembered her harried trek across the country on Tuesday night, the tumultuous meeting with Chris on the beach, and her heartbreaking encounter with Roxanne later that afternoon. Her eyes welled up with tears as she closed them tight, hoping that Angie had not seen the torment in their depths.

"Cass, I can see the pain in your eyes," Angie said.

Damn! thought Cass.

"Talk to me, love," she urged.

Cass opened her eyes and allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks. The sight of this strong, competent woman exposing her broken heart was more than Angie could take. Rising to her feet, she moved to sit beside Cass, then opened her arms to the taller woman. Cass immediately fell into them and sobbed like an infant. Her heart wrenching cries tore through Angie's heart as she shed tears right along with the younger woman. After long moments, Cass calmed down and made an effort to compose herself.

"Now, Cass ... please tell me," Angie urged once more as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

Cass sniffed loudly. "Maine .... I was in Maine," Cass said abruptly.

"You went to her? Cass, she isn't ..." Angie said nervously.

Cass immediately reacted, trying to disperse the older woman's fear. "No! No, Angie ... she's not dead. She's very much alive. Banged up, but alive," she said.

"Thank god!" Angie exclaimed. "So tell me about it. Why are you so upset?" she asked.

Cass rose to her feet and started pacing back and forth in front of the couch, Angie's head moving along with her, like a slow motion spectator at a tennis match. Angie was just about to lose patience with Cass, when she suddenly stopped pacing and looked at her.

"Angie, Rox isn't gay," she explained.

Angie was very confused. "Cass ..." she said haltingly. "What do you mean, she isn't gay?"

"She isn't gay, Angie. The bastard that's been beating her up is a man ... she has spent the past six years in a relationship with a man! Don't you get it? She's straight!" Cass exclaimed.

"But, Cass ... you sent her a picture. She said she was falling in love with you ... even after she saw the picture!" Angie reasoned.

Cass dropped her chin to her chest and sighed deeply. Very softly, she said, "I sent her a picture of Brian and I. She thought Brian was me."

Angie was stunned. She just sat there looking up at Cass. "Oh my god!" she managed after a few moments. "Cass ... I'm so sorry! God, honey, that must have been so difficult for you! How did Rox take it?"

Dropping to the floor right where she stood, Cass sat cross-legged and looked up at Angie. With an anguished voice, she answered her friend. "At first, she wouldn't even let me touch her. It broke my heart, Ang. In fact, she ran away from me when she realized who I was."

"You went after her I hope?" Angie asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I did. I chased her right into the arms of the son of a bitch who's been beating her. We had a nice little Taekwondo encounter on the beach. Let's just say he won't be eating solid foods for a while," she explained vehemently.

"Serves him right. Is Rox okay? I mean, did he hurt her again?" Angie asked, concern tingeing her voice.

"A few more bruises on her neck, but nothing permanent. She was fine later that afternoon after the police took the bastard away," Cass explained.

"So what happened then?" the older woman asked.

Stretching her legs out in front of her and crossing them at the ankles, Cass leaned back and supported herself with her hands placed strategically on both sides of her reclining torso. "Well," she said. "Her two friends left us there together ... it was really awkward ... and we talked. She confessed to being confused about my gender ... and confused about what she was feeling for me."

"And just what IS she feeling for you, Cass?" Angie asked suspiciously. She wasn't sure she liked this New Englander who had obviously torn her friend's heart to shreds.

"She says she cares deeply about me," Cass said, once more leaning forward to sit cross-legged. "She's confused, Angie. She's never been attracted to women before ... she's scared."

"And you're heartbroken!" Angie observed. "Cass ..."

"No, Angie ... don't say it," Cass said, holding her hand, palm out, toward her friend on the couch. "I don't want to hear how she's breaking my heart. Angie, I set myself up for this. I never mentioned my gender in any of my notes. I assumed she knew ... and you know what they say about people who assume ... well, you're looking at the world's biggest ass," she chastised herself.

"You said you've slept the past 19 hours away. That means you got home Thursday afternoon. Has she tried to contact you yet?" Angie asked.

Cass sat up straight and tilted her head to the side. "Well ... I didn't hear the phone ring ...," she commented, her voice curiously trailing off.

"What about this wonderful e-mail you're always talking about?" Angie prompted.

"I haven't checked. I've been asleep the whole time," Cass replied.

Angie threw her hands out to the sides in a "Duh!!!" gesture. "Well???" she intoned.

Cass just looked at her friend and nodded. She unfolded her long legs and rose to her feet shaking off the deffects of the lack of circulation which was already causing her feet to prickle uncomfortably.

Moments later, Cass and Angie were sitting in front of the computer waiting for the server to deliver new mail into her in box.

"I thought modern technology was faster than this!" Angie commented impatiently.

Cass threw her hands up. "Don't even go there!" she warned her friend as her inbox chimed the signal for new mail. Sure enough, there was an e-mail from Rox.

Cass sat there in front of the monitor for a few seconds, nervously staring at the icon on the screen.

"Well?? Open it!" Angie demanded, hitting Cass on the arm with the back of her hand.

Reaching for the mouse, Cass selected the note, displaying it on the screen for both of them to read.

Angie leaned down over Cass' shoulder and digested the written words in front of her. Suddenly, she rose to her full height and swatted Cass on the side of the head with her open hand.

"Owww! What was that for!!?" Cass exclaimed, rubbing the spot that had come in contact with Angie's hand.

"You ran?" Angie said in disbelief. "You ran? I can't believe you ran! Cass ... of all the stupid things to do!" she exclaimed.

Cass swung her chair around to face her mentor. "Stupid? Did you say, stupid?" she challenged. "Angie, don't you get it? She's straight! She doesn't play with girls! I don't have the right equipment!! Capishe!!!??"

Angie took Cass by the shoulders and swung her back around to face the terminal. Pointing to the screen, she said, "Cass ... look at the note again. Look at it carefully. Read the last sentence one more time," she instructed, her hands still on Cass' shoulders.

Cass looked at the screen ... specifically at the last sentence.

"Please don't pull away from me now, I need your help to understand what I am feeling for you."

Rox's words finally sunk in as Cass gasped, and Angie dug her fingers deeper into Cass' shoulders for support. Reaching up, Cass covered Angie's hands with her own and whispered, "There's hope, Ang ... there's hope!"

**********

Cass was pacing again ... this time in front of the computer. One hand was tightly hugging her own midsection, while the other one played nervously with her bottom lip.

"Damn it, Cass, you're making me nervous wearing a path in the rug like that. Will you sit down and answer the woman?" Angie demanded.

"I don't know what to say, Angie. I feel like such a fool, running out on her like that!" the dark haired woman whined.

"Well, you can start with an apology," Angie suggested, looking at the doubt in Cass' face. "Look Cass, if you do nothing, you'll always wonder. Are you willing to live with regret for the rest of your life?" she asked.

Listen to her, Cass, Enforcer urged. Look, she couldn't possibly have gotten that old without learning a thing or two! the alter ego pointed out.

E, why do you have to be so crass? she asked herself as she stood there staring at the computer screen, silently contemplating Angie's words.

Oh for Christ's sake woman! Quit your bitching! Now sit your ass down in the chair and write the God damned note! Enforcer demanded.

"Cass?" Angie prompted, a little worried at the trance-like state her friend seemed to be in.

Angie's voice snapped Cass out of her reverie. "Uh... sorry, Ang, I guess I zoned out there for a minute," she explained, running a hand through her hair. Looking at her friend with near panic in her eyes, she said, "Angie, I don't know what to say to her. I've been such a fool. I never gave her a chance. I don't blame her for being angry with me."

"Well from the sounds of that note, she a little more than angry," Angie deadpanned.

Yeah... you'll never get laid now! Enforcer added her two cents.

"Jesus Christ, will you butt out, E?" Cass said out loud before she could stop herself.

Angie looked at her friend skeptically. "Cass, maybe you should go back to bed for a while," she suggested.

Brushing off her slip-up, she pulled out the chair in front of the computer and sat down. "No ... No, I think I need to write this note," she said.

"Want some help?" Angie asked.

"Would you mind?" Cass asked hopefully.

"Not at all, sweetie, not at all," the older woman replied as she pulled a chair up close to Cass.

**********

Roxanne was standing on her back deck, leaning against the railing, sipping a cup of strong black coffee as she looked out over the ocean. She had been pacing back and forth in front of the computer all morning. For the life of her, she just couldn't concentrate on writing as visions of long dark hair and blue eyes invaded her thoughts on a continuous basis.

Several times that morning, she had checked her e-mail for new messages, hoping that Cass would respond to her last post. Reading over the copy in her send file for the hundredth time, she once again chastised herself for being so harsh with the other woman. After all, it was SHE who turned and ran away from Cass at their first meeting. She could only imagine how that must have made Cass feel. Cass obviously had no idea that she had mistaken her for a man.

I wonder if I should call her? she thought to herself. No ... she probably won't talk to me anyway, she reasoned. Sighing deeply, she lifted the cup to her lips and drank the last of her coffee before heading back into the house.

The phone rang as she headed for the stairs.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey Rox! What's up?" came a voice from the other end of the line.

"Hi Nik. Nothing much. Just taking a coffee break," Rox replied.

"What time are you coming over tonight?" Nikki asked.

"Tonight?" Rox said, obviously confused.

"Dinner? Remember? You're supposed to bring your taco dip. Helllloooo! Is anybody home?" the blonde added teasingly.

"Shit! I forgot all about it! Yeah ... all right. Ah ... how about 6 p.m.?" Rox sputtered, embarrassed that she had forgotten their dinner date.

"Rox, are you all right?" Nikki asked, picking up on the nervous, hesitant tone in her friend's voice.

"I'm fine, Nikki. Just a little preoccupied," Rox confessed.

"You are bringing Cass along, right?" Nikki asked.

Silence.

"Rox?" she asked.

"No. She's gone, Nik," Rox admitted before snapping out of her funk.

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Nikki demanded.

"She's gone. I checked on her after we talked... the bed was made ... she left a note apologizing for leaving," she explained.

"Well that bites!" Nikki exclaimed.

"Look, Nikki, maybe it's better this way, you know? I mean, she's a woman, right?" she said defensively.

"And your point is?" Nikki asked incredulously.

"Ah come on Nik! You know what I mean! Man! I hate this love shit!" Rox exclaimed.

"Wanna talk about it?" Nikki asked.

"Maybe tonight at dinner ... 'kay? 6 p.m. sharp ... taco dip. I'll be there," the red head said light heartedly.

Nikki was not convinced. "All right Rox, we'll see you at 6 p.m. ... but we're NOT done talking about his, you got that?" she said sternly to the author.

"Got it," answered Rox. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Tonight. Love ya, toots!" Nikki quipped.

"Right back at 'cha, Nik," Rox chuckled. "See ya later, bye." Hanging up the phone, she headed up the stairs and back to work.

**********

"Dear Rox,

I don't know where to start except with an apology for running off like that. It was a stupid and cowardly thing to do. I'm sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You are obviously very angry with me. I wouldn't blame you if you never talked to me again.

Rox, I don't know what came over me. I guess the prospect that you wouldn't love me too never crossed my mind. You have made me see how arrogant I really am. Again, I am sorry.

Please believe me when I say I never intended to deceive you. I automatically assumed you knew I was a woman. I was totally ignorant to the possibility of mistaken identity. I was a fool to have sent that picture of Brian and I. I completely understand how you assumed that I was Brian. I should have been clearer about things.

Where do we go from here? You said in your note that you need me to help you understand your feelings. I'm not sure I can do that without first understanding them myself. How DO you feel, Rox? You said in one of your notes that you were starting to fall in love with me. Does my being a woman change all that? Should I walk out of your life right now and never bother you again? I am willing to do that if it is what you really want. It will kill me, but I will do it ... for you.

Rox, I still love you with all my heart. I am afraid that I will never love another the way I love you. I want you to know that you can depend on me for anything. Just call, and I will find a way to be by your side.

Again, I am sorry for hurting you. I will never forgive myself for the pain and confusion I have caused. Please forgive me.

I love you,

Cass"

"How does that sound?" Cass asked Angie as the older woman scanned the note.

It sounds like you're pussy whipped - BIG TIME! interjected Enforcer.

Cass ignored her inner voice.

"It's a start, Sweetie. Send it and let's see what happens," Angie suggested.

Maneuvering the mouse to the 'send' button, Cass clicked and watched her note disappear from the screen. Sighing deeply, she logged off the 'Net and shut down the computer. Looking over at Angie, she asked, "Shouldn't you be at the diner helping with the lunch crowd?"

"Holy Shit!" Angie exclaimed looking at her watch. "Roger is going to kill me ... and it's all your fault. Just for that, you get your butt dressed and come help me!" she demanded.

Cass raised her eyebrows. "You don't really expect ME to cook, do you?" she asked in all seriousness.

"Are you kidding? I'd like to keep my customers coming back, thank you very much! No... I don't expect you to cook, but you sure as hell can wait tables!" the older woman reasoned.

"That, I can do, Ang," she replied. "I'll be ready in a jiff," she said running into her bedroom to change, very happy to have a distraction from thoughts of red-gold hair and green eyes.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XXIX

Rox was on a roll. She had finally put thoughts of Cass out of her mind long enough to start writing again, when a rumbling from deep within her stomach interrupted her run.

"Damn!" she exclaimed out loud as the burning sensation that accompanied the rumbling became too uncomfortable to ignore. Looking at the clock on the desk, she suddenly jumped up, startled by the realization that it was nearly 3 p.m. and she still needed to make the taco dip for dinner. Quickly logging onto the 'Net, she checked out her inbox and was devastatingly disappointed to find it empty again. The burning feeling in her stomach turned to a sense of nervous nausea as she allowed a rush of regret to wash over her. After logging off the 'Net, she saved her work from that morning and shut the computer down.

Realizing she had only half the ingredients for the dip, she quickly donned a long sleeved shirt and jeans, a baseball hat and oversized pair of sunglasses, hoping to conceal the worst of her bruises. Little did she know that her obvious attempt at concealment would cause more stares than it would divert.

Glancing at the clock once more and noting that it was 3:04 p.m., she rushed down the stairs and out the front door for a quick trip to the super market.

At 3:06 p.m., at the exact moment that Rox pulled the door shut behind her, Cass' note arrived in Rox's inbox.

**********

"Where do you want me to put it?" Rox asked, holding the cookie sheet heaped with taco dip.

"There should be some room in the 'frig," answered Nikki as she ushered her friend into the house, closing the door behind her.

Struggling with an effort that would have been a chore for three arms, Rox managed to open the refrigerator and slide the dip inside without dropping the shopping bag of Nacho chips she was also holding. Pushing the door shut with her foot, she threw the chips onto the kitchen table before struggling out of her jacket.

"What's for dinner?" Rox asked.

"Steak, baked potatoes and succotash," she answered as she scrubbed three large baking potatoes in the sink. "Jerri is on the back deck turning the steaks right now."

Coming up behind her friend, Rox wrapped her arms around Nikki and rested her head between the blonde's shoulders. The pair stood still, savoring the feeling of love and friendship for a long moment.

"Thanks for the invite, Nik," Rox said as she broke the embrace. "What can I do to help?"

"We're gonna eat out on the deck. Why don't you grab some dinnerware and set a place for each of us," she suggested.

"Consider it done!" she exclaimed as she collected plates, silverware, ice tea glasses and napkins, then headed out onto the deck.

"Hey girl!" Jerri called as she saw Rox.

Rox deposited the dishes on the table before walking over to the grill to collect an affectionate hug from her friend.

"Hi Jer," she said, her reply muffled as the taller woman pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I see she's put you to work already," Jerri commented as she saw the load of dinnerware on the table.

"Oh yeah ... just like Nikki ... invites me over, then expects me to do all the work!" Rox chuckled.

"She used to do that to me when we were dating, until one day, she put me to work cooking. That was the first ... and last time she ever did that! Flipping steaks is about as far as my cooking talents go!" she responded, grinning ear to ear.

"Sounds like Chris ...." Rox began, an uncomfortable silence descending over them. "Damn!" she added softly.

Jerri reached out and rubbed Rox's back. "It's okay, hon. It'll be a while before that doesn't happen any more," she assured her friend.

Rox just nodded before excusing herself to set the table ... a chore she completed in silence as Jerri watched her covertly from the grill.

**********

"Nik, how did you know?" Rox asked as she scooped taco dip with a nacho chip and maneuvered it to her mouth. It was nearly midnight as the three friends sat on an assortment of pillows on the floor in front of the fireplace, the taco dip and chips sitting in the center of their tableau. A small fire cast a warm glow over their tea party as they wound the evening down.

"How did I know I was gay?" Nikki replied. "Rox, we've talked about this a dozen times!"

"I know we have, but humor me. What was the defining moment for you?" Rox inquired.

"Well," Nikki started, wiping her hands on a paper towel. "I've always known that I was different. As a teenager, all the other girls were fawning over Lief Garrett and Parker Stevenson. I just didn't get what they saw in those guys. I mean, I hung posters of them on my bedroom walls ... just like all the other girls, basically to fit in, but I just didn't get it! On the other hand I thought Linda Carter and Nancy McKeon were absolutely to die for! I really didn't understand what I was feeling at the time, Rox," she confessed, as she reached down to take a long draw on the straw extending from her soda can. "I can remember having a huge crush on my camp counselor and on a couple of the girls at school, but I really didn't associate those feelings with being gay at the time. Hell, I dated several guys in high school!"

"So when DID you know?" Rox asked.

Nikki grinned, looking over at the dark haired woman sitting across from her. "That's easy ... when I met Jerri," she replied seeing the smile in Jerri's eyes. "I knew the minute I laid eyes on her that what I was feeling was more than a mere crush. It was mind boggling ... it completely devoured me. Suddenly, all those latent childhood memories made sense," she explained.

"And how did you feel about that, Nikki? Were you scared?" Rox wanted to know.

"Terrified. I was raised with the traditional male/female image of romantic love. My parents were heavily involved in a very intolerant church. All my friends were straight. I pretty much felt like an outcast. But all of that was minor compared to how I felt when my body reacted so strongly to Jer's presence. God, she could turn me on with a smile! And the first time she kissed me ... well ... let's just say, thank god for panty liners!" Nikki exclaimed before continuing. "Rox, I had never felt that way before ... especially not with the boys I had dated. They made me feel dirty and used, and I hardly let them touch me! Look, my point is this ... when I met Jerri, my true nature was awakened. I could have tried to ignore it, fought it, and did what was expected of me by marrying a nice young man, but I didn't ... I couldn't. I had to accept what I was feeling as my truth, and learn to live with it. I was lucky to have Jerri. She was so gentle and patient with me," she explained as she reached out to cup the side of her wife's face.

Rox breathed deeply, a place deep inside of her touched by the depth of her friend's emotions. Turning to Jerri, she asked the same question. "What about you, Jer? When did you know?"

"I think I've always known," she replied. "When I was a teenager, I fell in love with my best friend. I didn't tell her for fear of rejection, but I knew ... I knew exactly what it was. I was obsessed with pleasing her. I couldn't do enough ... I couldn't spend enough time with her. If she knew, she never let on. I agonized for many months over her. Finally, I migrated toward several other girls in school who were either gay or bisexual, and in effect, joined their crowd. Unfortunately, they weren't the nicest girls in town, and soon, I was smoking and drinking and basically running wild. I was initiated into lesbian sex by these girls, and they weren't always nice about it. The wild behavior basically followed me into college. It amazes me that I managed to graduate! Anyway, I didn't actually calm down until I met Nikki," she explained, taking her turn at capturing her wife's smile. "Rox, it was love at first sight. Man! She melted my insides right on the spot. I couldn't breathe ... my heart was pounding so fast I thought it would explode. Suddenly, all I had learned about sex and love flew out the window. I couldn't imagine making love to Nikki as I had been taught ... it seemed so rough, so primative. The first time was very awkward for me. Here I was, the experienced one, fumbling around because I didn't know how to treat her gently. She was very patient with me ... we learned together how to please each other. Rox ... it was the most wonderful feeling in the world," she finished, directing her words at Rox, but maintaining eye contact with Nikki.

Rox looked from Jerri to Nikki and back again to Jerri. It quickly became apparent that she needed to excuse herself for the evening. "Ah ... Geesh! Look at the time!" she exclaimed brightly. Climbing to her feet as her friends continued to hold each other's gaze, she said, "I'll .... just .... let myself out," and quietly left the room, retrieving her jacket from the back of a kitchen chair as she heading for the door. Moments later she was pulling out of the driveway. Pausing at the end of the drive, she looked back at the house, she saw the lights go out, one by one on the lower level, and a lone light illuminate the second story bedroom she knew her friends inhabited. A sudden intense pang of envy shot through her like a bolt of lightning, causing her to catch her breath. Her mind instantly filled with images of Cass as she pressed the accelerator and headed home.

**********

"Well, that's the last of them," Angie said as she closed and locked the diner door behind the last customer. Turning around, she looked at Cass who had dropped down into one of the booths and was resting her head on her crossed arms.

"Angie, I don't know how you do this every day. I'm exhausted!" she exclaimed.

"Well, you get used to it," Angie replied.

"Aarrgghh!" Cass exclaimed, moaning out her tiredness.

"All right ... get out of here ... go home ... go to bed. I'll see you for breakfast in the morning. Okay, sweetling?" Angie said, kissing her on the head.

Nodding her head, Cass dragged her tired body out of the booth and gave Angie a hug before wishing her a good night and heading home. Entering her condo with heavily measured steps, she chastised herself for being so out of shape. God, Cass ... looks like you need to spend more time at the gym. I can't believe you let a woman almost old enough to be your mother, run you into the ground! Turning on the shower, she slowly shed her clothes and stepped under the warm, massaging spray. Several minutes later, she was freshly showered and dressed in lace panties and an oversized T-shirt. Sitting in front of her computer, she towel dried her hair while she waited for it to boot up. Throwing the towel on the floor, she ran her fingertips through the unruly locks, until she managed to assemble them in a more orderly state of disarray. She knew if she let it dry like that, it would look like she had just spent the past few hours making mad passionate love with someone, but she didn't care ... she was home ... she had the weekend off, and she wasn't planning on going anywhere - so who the hell cared what her hair looked like. By the time she was done rearranging her hair, her computer had completed it's boot up, and she was ready to log onto the Internet. She was quite proud of herself for patiently waiting for the computer to cycle ... either that, or she was just too damned tired to care!

Unfortunately, Cass' patience was not rewarded as she was presented with an empty inbox. She stared at the blank page for long moments before she logged off and wearily dragged herself to bed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she dropped her chin to her chest and sighed deeply. I guess my apology didn't work, E, she mumbled to herself.

Well running off WAS a pretty shitty thing to do to her, Cass. I don't blame her for being angry, Enforcer chided.

"I know," Cass whispered softly as she stood up and reached to turn down the covers before climbing in.

**********

Rox booted up the computer as soon as she got home, making a cup of hot chocolate as she waited for the system to cycle. When the boot-up was done, she selected Netscape Messenger and waited patiently for the dial-up routine to complete. Finally the server delivered three pieces of new mail to her in box ... one piece of junk mail, one from her literary agent, and one from cconway@flyboy.com. Rox's breath caught in her throat as she shakily reached for the mouse and directed it to Cass' note.

"Dear Rox,

I don't know where to start except with an apology for running off like that. It was a stupid and cowardly thing to do. I'm sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. You are obviously very angry with me. I wouldn't blame you if you never talked to me again.

Oh Cass, I would never do that to you. God, I can feel the pain in your words. I'm so sorry, she thought, feeling guilty for chastising Cass the way she did.

Rox, I don't know what came over me. I guess the prospect that you wouldn't love me too never crossed my mind. You have made me see how arrogant I really am. Again, I am sorry.

Cass, honey, it's not about your arrogance ... it's about me misreading your notes ... misinterpreting your picture...

Please believe me when I say I never intended to deceive you. I automatically assumed you knew I was a woman. I was totally ignorant to the possibility of mistaken identity. I was a fool to have sent that picture of Brian and I. I completely understand how you assumed that I was Brian. I should have been clearer about things.

I know you didn't intend to hurt me, Cass. God, I wish we could start over.

Where do we go from here? You said in your note that you need me to help you understand your feelings. I'm not sure I can do that without first understanding them myself. How DO you feel, Rox? You said in one of your notes that you were starting to fall in love with me. Does my being a woman change all that? Should I walk out of your life right now and never bother you again? I am willing to do that if it is what you really want. It will kill me, but I will do it ... for you.

How do I feel? I wish I was sure. Please don't walk out of my life, Cass. How will I ever be sure about my feelings ... about where my heart truly lies if you leave me?

Rox, I still love you with all my heart. I am afraid that I will never love another the way I love you. I want you to know that you can depend on me for anything. Just call, and I will find a way to be by your side.

No, Cass. I won't hurt you like that again. You came to me once and I broke your heart ... I won't allow myself to do that again.

Again, I am sorry for hurting you. I will never forgive myself for the pain and confusion I have caused. Please forgive me.

I do, Cass ... I do.

I love you,

Cass"

After reading the note, Rox sat back in her chair and stared at the screen for several moments before composing a reply.

"Dear Cass,

I have been regretting my note to you since the moment I sent it. I am so sorry for its harsh tone. I'm afraid common sense yields to hurtful indignance when I am angry. Please forgive me.

Cass, I am so confused. I am feeling things now that are totally new and alien to me. I am scared ... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Nikki says that this isn't about being gay ... it's about being in love. I'm sorry Cass, but I just can't ignore the gay piece of this. Christ, this is hard!

I have never been attracted to women before ... plain and simple. What I feel for you scares the hell out of me. I don't understand it ... I can't imagine it. Cass, I am totally ignorant about lesbian love. Jerri says its the most wonderful feeling in the world ... how do I know if it's right for me? Damn it, I'm so confused!

I had a long discussion with Nikki and Jerri tonight about gay relationships, and about what to expect. They described their own experiences. So much of what they told me is terrifying ... and just as much of it is exciting and enthralling. Cass, I have always considered myself to be a diverse, objective person, but it is way easier to remain that way when I am not directly involved.

Cass, help me ... help me to understand what I'm feeling. I don't want to discount our relationship without exploring how I really feel. I don't want to be on my deathbed 60 years from now wishing I had given our relationship a chance. Talk to me Cass. I can't do this on my own. I need you.

Until Later,

Rox"

Rox read the note over one more time before sending it out. Glancing at the clock, she noticed it was nearly 2 a.m. Yawning loudly, she rose from her chair and made her way down one flight of stairs to her room where she promptly disrobed and slipped a baseball jersey over her head to sleep in. Crawling between the sheets, she pulled the blankets up under her chin and laced her fingers behind her head. For the next half hour, she stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

What do I really feel for Cass? she asked herself. She certainly is beautiful ... and intelligent ... and capable. Do I love her? I don't know... Is this what love feels like? Christ, Rox, you have got to get your life together, she thought. Maybe it's too soon to have a relationship. Maybe you need to give yourself some time to recover from the disastrous life you lived with Chris.

Rox rolled over onto her side and pulled her knees to her chest. Her mind continued to wander.

Nikki and Jerri seem so sure of their love. Will I ever have that kind of security in a relationship? Could I have that with Cass? Do I WANT that with Cass? she questioned. Christ, woman ... you need to confront your feelings ... you need to understand what all this means ... you need to understand the consequences of entering into this kind of relationship.

Rox suddenly sat up as a disturbing thought entered her mind. Oh god! What about Mom and Dad? What will they think? How do I tell them? 'Ah, by the way, Mom, Dad, I'm a lesbian!' Holy shit! How would they take it? Would they disown me? Can I send my father to his grave with that on his mind? God I hate this!

Rox pulled her knees up and dropped her forehead down to meet them, trying desperately to clear her mind of these disturbing thoughts. Soon, her eyes started to close as she nearly lost her balance and toppled onto her side, catching herself before she fell. Stretching out her legs, she laid down and pulled the blankets up once more. Within minutes, she was fast asleep.

*********************************************************************************************

Concluded in Part 6