DISCLAIMERS:

COPYRIGHT: Xena Warrior Princess and Gabrielle, and all related characters, are the property of MCA/Universal and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement implied or intended. Billie and Cat are my creations, Copyright by kd bard. The leading ladies resemble our two X:WP heroines. Character or name resemblance to 'real' people currently living or dead is completely coincidental. Download it, print it out and share it if you'd like, but be sure to include the disclaimers.

SUBTEXT: This story is about two women who are committed to a caring and loving relationship. Sex is part of that relationship, but not the focus. This story does contain some mildly graphic sex scenes. If this type of love offends you, if you are under 18 yrs. old, or if love is illegal where you live, climb aboard the anti-subtext train and get outta town.

VIOLENCE: None

TIME LINE/CONTINUITY: This is the thirteenth installment in a modern day Uber-Xena series, starting with "The 'Commitment'" and followed by "A Family in Blood", "Personal Preferences", "Fighting City Hall", "Visions in Paradise", "What's In A Name?", "Promise Me Paradise", "While I Was Gone ..." , "Unchained Memories", "Happy Campers - NOT!", "At Loose Ends" and "On Solid Ground". The complete series can be found on my home page at http://homepages.together.net/~warriorx/WebPage.htm. Since this is a continuous series, there are events mentioned within that will not make much sense if you haven't read them all in order.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I strongly believe that love is love, regardless of how it is packaged, so please don't flame me for believing in something so wonderful. All flames will be immediately extinguished by a tour through the city's sewer pipes, however, I do beg for constructive criticism. Send all feedback to warriorx@together.net. A very big thanks to those of you who took the time to find my booboo's ... you know who you are! I really appreciate it. A special thanks to Mom for your support - it means a lot to me, and to Rosa for providing me with some wonderful story line ideas. Finally, a big thank you to those who graciously host my stories and provide a forum for my expression. kd :-)

SPECIAL NOTE: This story is dedicated to all the sweet angels who lost life's battle at too young an age. Our thoughts and love are with you babies. Watch over us from your home in the clouds. We miss you....

"Billie!" Cat exclaimed as she rose to run after her wife.

Jen grabbed her hand and held her back. "No, Cat. Go back to Skylar's room and stay with her. I'll talk to Billie. I think emotions are a little too raw right now for a direct confrontation," Jen explained.

Cat nodded her head as they walked arm-in-arm back to Skylar's room. Stopping at the doorway, Jen kissed Cat on the forehead and said, "Before I go, I need to know one thing ... do you still love her?"

"With all my heart, Jen. I know what I'm feeling now is just jealously. I know it's my own foolish heart that is making me feel this way, but that part of my heart which is reserved just for Billie is still intact, still desperately in love with her, Jen," Cat said, desperation filling her voice as rapidly as the tears were filling her eyes, "I can't lose her and Skylar too. I'll die from the heartbreak. I know I will," she finished.

Jen nodded. "I'll talk to her Cat. I hope it helps," she said. Damn it. She is in tremendous pain right now from what she heard. Why does life have to be so damned hard all the time for these women? Someone up there had better start listening and do something about this before it rips them both apart, Jen finished in her thoughts as she walked away.

**********

Billie drove home, struggling to see through the blinding veil of tears. In her mind, she was about to lose everything she loved, except her son of course. That is, unless he chose to stay with Cat. He chose to stay with Cat before, Billie thought. Of course, that was when he thought I would hurt her, Billie reminisced about times past when she was working on the McBride domestic violence case and had argued angrily with Cat over some photographs received in the mail.

She was quite a mess when she finally pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. Sitting there for long moments, trying to regain her composure before going into the house, all she could think about were Cat's last words. Skylar is my daughter. I gave birth to her. She's mine... Dropping her head to the steering wheel, she cried her heart out, cried so hard, that she didn't hear the car door open and a body slip into the seat beside her, until her friend's arm circled her back.

"Billie," Jen's voice said softly. "Billie, honey, look at me."

Billie turned her head and looked at Jen. Jen's heart broke immediately for this woman. Never in her life had she seen such raw emotion and pain on a person's face. All the pain, sorrow, desperation and despair that Billie was feeling was evident in that one look. Jen teared up at the sight of it, and opened her arms to the taller woman. Billie fell immediately into them and sobbed violently.

"Jen, I can't do this any more. My baby is dying. My wife .... well, I'm not really sure what Cat thinks. Jen, our lives are falling apart. I'm not strong enough for this. I just can't do it. I can't sit by and watch Skylar dwindle away like she is. Jen, it's ripping my heart out. I just want to die," she said, breaking down into sobs once more.

Jen held her close, her own tears mingling with Billie's. Finally, after a time the tears stopped and Billie's trembling began to subside. "Billie," Jen said, placing a kiss on the side of Billie's head. "Cat loves you, Billie. She is just very confused right now. Confused about Skylar's attachment to you, heartbroken about seeing her child critically ill. Billie, imagine how you would feel if, heaven forbid, it was Seth instead of Skylar, and he cried out for Cat instead of you. How would you feel Billie?" Jen asked.

Billie sat up and wiped the tears from her face. She didn't want to deal with that right now. She was still angry at Cat's words ... Skylar is my daughter. I gave birth to her ... and at Seth's words well over a year ago as he stood between her and Cat, I won't let you hurt her, Mom. As far as she was concerned, her whole life was going down the toilet. She was losing everything she loved.

"Jen, I need to go inside. I haven't seen Seth ... and Tara since yesterday. I have to try to salvage at least this part of my life," she said, reaching for the door handle.

Jen reached out and touched her arm before she climbed out of the car. Billie turned her head sharply to look at her. "Billie," she said, "don't close the door on Cat. You'll be making a huge mistake if you do. She's in pain right now. Just give her some time, okay?" Jen asked.

"She's not the only one in pain, Jen," Billie said as she climbed out of the car and slammed the door, turning her back on her friend and walking into the house.

**********

Cat spent most of the afternoon holding a weakened Skylar in her arms, rocking her back and forth and humming lullabies, all the while, fighting tears of loss and heartfelt sorrow at the rift that had developed between her and Billie. Billie, I'm so sorry. I can't help the way I feel. I didn't mean to hurt you, she thought to herself as she rocked Skylar.

It was like this that Melanie found her an hour later. Coming into the room, she sat on the bed opposite Cat and looked at her carefully. When Cat met her eyes, she said, "How's she doing?"

"Melanie," Cat said, fatigue obvious in her voice. "She's still feverish, and cranky. It's breaking my heart not to be able to do more for her."

"Cat, the fever is obviously a sign of infection. That is not uncommon in leukemia patients. I want to do a blood transfusion this evening. I think it will help her," Melanie explained.

"Take my blood, Melanie. We're the same blood type," Cat said.

"All right," Dr. Holder said as she started to rise. "Oh, this is your choice, of course, but generally, family members are eager to help in a situation like this. You might want to ask your friends and family to consider donating blood. We can use it to do transfusions of red or white blood cells, or to use just the platelets through the apheresis process," Melanie explained.

"All right, I'll contact everyone tonight," Cat replied.

Melanie started walking toward the door then stopped and turned around. "By the way, I don't see Billie here. Did you take my advice and decide to work in shifts?" the doctor asked.

Cat just looked away, fighting the tears that threatened to well up once more.

Seeing Cat's distress, Melanie walked back to her and squatted down on her heels. Placing a hand on her leg she said, "Cat, I know this is an emotional time for both of you, but you have to be strong through this. Strong for Skylar, and for Billie. She is in pain too. I know that Sky is your child biologically, but she is just as much Billie's child as she is yours psychologically. Billie loves her very much, and this is ripping her apart as terribly as it is you. Be sensitive to that, Cat. I would hate to see what you and Billie have together destroyed by Sky's illness," Melanie finished.

Cat looked at Dr. Holder. "I'm afraid the destruction has already begun," she said, finally allowing the tears to escape her lids.

"Destruction can be repaired, Cat. Just don't let the damage become too severe before you decide to fix it," she said. Rising to her feet, she added, "I'll go arrange for the transfusion. A technician will be here shortly to collect you and Sky."

Cat just nodded as she watched Dr. Holder leave the room.

**********

"Mom, when can we visit Sky?" Tara asked as Billie sat down to dinner with her mother and children.

"Not for a few more days, Sweetie," Billie replied. "The kind of therapy she is taking right now is making it easy for her to catch things, like colds, from other people, so she can't have too many visitors. Hopefully in a few days, she'll be stronger, then I'll talk to Dr. Holder about bringing you and your brother for a visit," she explained.

"I'd like to visit too," Laurel said.

Billie looked at her mother and said, "Of course ... if you'd like to."

Laurel looked at Billie intently, her eyes saying, of course I'd like to, but her voice remaining silent, not wanting to get into a confrontation with her daughter in front of the children. The look she gave Billie, however, clearly indicated that this conversation was not over.

Just then, the phone rang. Billie jumped to her feet in a near-panic that the call was about Skylar. "Hello?" she said cautiously. It was Cat. "Cat! Cat, is Sky all right?" Billie asked quickly. "Yes .... yes .... Of course, Cat. That question should have never even entered your mind," Billie said, anger tinging her voice. "Yes .... all right, I'll ask. Hold on a second." Billie cradled the receiver on her shoulder as she turned to Laurel. "Laurel, the hospital is looking for blood donors for Skylar's transfusions. Would you ..."

"Absolutely, Billie. I'd be happy to," Laurel replied before Billie could finish asking the question.

Billie turned back to the receiver. "Yes, Cat, count us both in, and I'll give Art and Marge a call as well. I'm sure they'd be happy to help. Do you want me to call Jen and Fred? All right, I'll do that. All right ... okay, kiss Sky for me and tell her I'll see her in the morning. All right. Good night," Billie said, hanging up the receiver.

Laurel raised an eyebrow at her, noting the absence of the words 'I love you' before hanging up the phone.

Billie quickly made two more phone calls, one to Art and the other to Jen, all four adults more than willing to donate life's most precious fluid to help the ailing child.

Hanging up the phone, Billie returned to her dinner and chased her food around her plate, eating very little.

"Mom, can we go over to Stevie's to play in the pool?" Seth asked for himself and his sister.

Billie looked up at her son and smiled. "Sure, sweetie. Grab a couple of towels, and don't forget to bring them home with you, okay? Oh ... and don't track water through Jen's house!" she shouted as the two children ran up the stairs to get into their bathing suits. Moments later, they flew past both women, who were still seated at the kitchen table.

Laurel rose from her seat and retrieved the coffee pot, refilling both hers and Billie's cups. Putting the pot back on the warmer she sat down again and wrapped both her hands around her cup. She looked at Billie, waiting for the younger woman to start a conversation.

After several long moments of silence, Billie looked at her mother. "What?" she asked.

"You tell me, Billie," Laurel replied.

When Billie didn't respond, Laurel continued. "Billie, something is wrong between you and Cat. I can feel it. From the first moment I laid eyes on the two of you together, I could feel that special something between you. It's missing now, Billie. What happened?" she asked.

Billie continued to look down at the table, shaking her head side to side. "I don't know. Its like she doesn't want me involved in Skylar's recovery. Laurel, Skylar cries for me, but yet, when I take her, hold her, Cat becomes angry, jealous. I don't know what to do. I am trying to stay away ... to give Cat more time alone with her, but its breaking my heart." Billie took a deep breath and held her hand to her chest. "I feel such a tightness here. I feel like I'm losing them both," she explained.

Laurel had a far away look in her eyes as she listened to her daughter. "Billie," she said, "Thirty-two years ago, when I placed you in your adoptive mother's arms, she looked at you with such love and joy, that it ripped my heart out. I wanted to shout at her that she had no right to love my daughter as much as I did, but you know what? She did have that right, because I gave it to her, just like Cat gave you the right to love Skylar as your own the day you adopted her. Billie, do not walk away from this. You will regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know," she finished, tears in her eyes.

Billie looked at her mother and nodded, looking down once more at the table.

**********

Cat laid on the bed beside Skylar, running her fingers up and down her daughter's arm as the little girl watched the cartoon that was showing on the wall-mounted TV on the wall opposite her bed.

During a commercial, Skylar turned her head and looked at Cat. "Mama, when is Mommy coming back?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, sweetheart," Cat answered. "She'll be here tomorrow."

Satisfied with the answer, Skylar went back to watching her show.

Several hours later, Cat still laid beside her child, only now, Skylar was sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the tempest of emotions stirring within her mother. Billie, she thought to herself. My mind is torn with love and guilt and insecurity. I need your love and support, but I've hurt you so ... Billie, I don't know how to say I'm sorry ... I don't know how to rid my heart of these jealous feelings. Cat closed her eyes at these thoughts and allowed the tears to escape down the side of her face.

Cat tried desperately to put herself in Billie's shoes. By the gods, how would I react if this were Seth instead of Sky? How would I feel if Billie were jealous over my love for Seth? As much as Cat's rational mind understood the logic behind her thoughts, her emotional mind would not allow her heart to listen.

The emotional impact of Cat's thoughts were too much for her to bear. Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, she sat up and bent over at the waist, holding herself tight as she rocked back and forth, sobs wracking her body. For long moments, she cried until she became too weary to stay awake.

Soon, she joined Skylar in sleep, at least for a short while as she was awakened periodically throughout the night by a screaming Skylar crying out for Billie, adding fuel to the already raging fire of jealousy in Cat's heart.

**********

Billie laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Her stomach clenched tightly as she agonized over the plight she found herself in. Her rational mind held love and understanding for Cat and what she was going through - what they were all going through. Her emotional mind, however, was angry and bitter at what she saw as unreasonable jealousy on Cat's part. Damn you, Cat, she thought. She's my daughter too. Just because I didn't give birth to her, doesn't mean I don't love her. Please don't take her away from me, Cat. If she has limited time left, let me share it with her as well. Billie's soul cried out in pain as her emotions took over her tortured mind. Rolling onto her side, she pulled her knees up into her chest and hugged them close while she cried out her sorrow.

Moments later, the door to Billie' room opened as small feet made their way across the floor.

"Mom, please don't cry," Tara said as she wrapped her arms around her mother's neck. Billie unfolded her long frame and gathered her daughter into her arms. "Are you sad about Sky?" Tara asked.

Billie shook her head yes. Oh, sweet love, its so much more than that, Billie thought. I love you and your sister so much. I don't want to lose either of you. Thoughts such as these ran through Billie's mind as she cried harder, not hearing Seth enter the room until he crawled in behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Mom, please don't cry. Sky will be all right," he said, snuggling in close behind her.

Billie reached back and pulled Seth in closer. "I love you two so much," she said through her tears.

"I love you too, Mom," both children said at once.

Hours later, Billie still laid there, staring at the ceiling, book-ended by two sleeping children. Her mind drifted to Cat. Cat, I love you so much. Please don't let this tear us apart. I can't help but love her as my own, Cat. Please don't take her away from me. Finally, after many hours of sleeplessness, Billie drifted off, only to be awakened two hours later by the alarm clock.

***********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XI

Billie arrived at the hospital the next morning just as Skylar was receiving her chemotherapy. As soon as the child saw her, she was scrambling to climb off the bed to meet her.

"Sky, honey, stay there. I'll come to you," Billie said as she sat down next to the child and wrapped her in her arms, holding her tight as the technician injected the drugs into the catheter.

"Mommy, I missed you," Sky said, clinging to Billie with all her might. Cat stood off to the side, her heart in her throat at the sight.

"I missed you too, love bug," Billie said, kissing the child on the head. Looking over to Cat, their eyes met, intense love passing between them, but something indiscernible keeping them apart. Cat smiled slightly before looking away.

"Cat, go home and get some rest," Billie said. "I'll stay here with Sky ... that is, if you don't mind," she added.

Cat looked around distractedly. "No ... No, I don't mind," she said, yawning.

Billie had all she could do to resist taking Cat into her arms and holding her close, but something was stopping her. "All right then, go home," she said. "Laurel is taking Seth and Tara to spend the day with your Mom, so the house is empty. You should be able to get some sleep."

"All right," Cat said, approaching Skylar for a hug and a kiss. "C'mere, sweetie," she said to Skylar, taking the small child into her arms and holding her close. "I'll be back this afternoon, okay? Mama needs to take a nap and a shower. You be a good girl for Mommy, all right?" she said, stroking the child's cheek.

Skylar smiled widely. "I'll be good, Mama, I promise," she said, clutching Billie's hand tighter.

Cat released Skylar and looked up at Billie. Their eyes held for a few moments, causing Cat to catch her breath suddenly at the intensity of the blue pools she so loved to drown in. Then, looking away abruptly, she said, "I'll be back some time this afternoon."

"All right," Billie said, watching her go. Sighing deeply, she looked at Skylar and said, "Well, love bug, what shall we do today?"

"Mommy ...." Skylar whined as she clutched her stomach. Billie reached for the basin just in time as Skylar emptied her breakfast into it. It was going to be a long day.

**********

The next week went pretty much like the past few days had. Billie arrived mid morning each day and relieved Cat who went home to sleep, shower and spend time with the other two children, while Billie spent time with Skylar at the hospital. Due to the timing, Billie was the one to nurse Skylar through her side effects, while Cat dealt with the night time crying spells.

The arrangement seemed to work out well for Skylar, who managed to bask in the attention of both mothers; neither having to vie for equal time with the child, seeing as they were not present at the same time, except to change shifts. During this week, Skylar's ANC counts bottomed out at zero and then started to climb as expected. Each day, the side effects of the chemo lessened and her strength steadily improved. Early on in the week, after two more blood transfusions, her fever disappeared.

The only real sign that the child was suffering from cancer was the hair loss. Early in the second week of her stay at the hospital, Skylar's hair started to fall out in clumps. When Billie arrived for her shift change that morning, she found a very distraught Cat, sitting there, holding a clump of Skylar's red-gold hair in her hand, tears running down her face. Skylar, was sitting cross legged on her bed, contentedly coloring. When Billie walked in on the scene, she had an immediate flash back to her own stay in the hospital more than a year earlier during which she had lost all her hair to brain surgery.

Considering Skylar seemed to be dealing just fine with the situation, Billie approached Cat and knelt on one knee in front of her. "It will grow back, Cat," Billie said, reaching for the hair in Cat's hand.

"No!" Cat said adamantly, snatching the hair away from Billie.

Billie just narrowed her eyes at Cat, then stood up and backed away. "All right," she said, throwing her hands up in surrender.

Cat just rose from her chair, kissed Skylar and promised to be back that evening, then left without a backward glance at Billie. Three days later, all of Skylar's hair had fallen out, and Cat had collected and saved every bit of it.

Although the shift changes seemed to work out well for Skylar, they were taking their toll on Cat and Billie. The sum total of their communication was subtle looks that passed between them, and cursory status words on Skylar's condition. The time they spent together was generally no more than ten minutes as they said hello and good bye. Neither was sleeping well, spending several hours lying awake, agonizing over the loss of their relationship. None of this was lost on Laurel or Jen.

When it was safe for the other children to visit, they agreed that Cat would arrive early, bringing them with her, and that Billie would take them home with her that evening. When that day came, Cat showed up two hours early, with Seth, Tara and Laurel in tow.

The first thing Seth did when he arrived, was take his hat off to show his sister his newly shaved head. She giggled when he told her he did it for her. Then he gave her his hat to wear until her hair grew back in. "Just like when Mom lost her hair," he said smiling. Billie was moved to tears by her son's gesture. He has so much of Cat's gentle nature, that you could swear he is her son, Billie thought.

Tara brought a new selection of color books and crayons for her little sister and promptly climbed onto the bed and started coloring with her. As they were coloring, Tara nonchalantly looked at Skylar and said, "Sky, if anyone laughs at you because of your hair, I'll deck'em for you, okay?" to which Skylar vigorously nodded her head. Tara's comments made Cat smile. She has so much of Billie's 'tough-guy' attitude, that you could swear she is her daughter, she thought.

Billie and Cat's eyes met over the heads of their children. For the briefest of moments, a connection was established between the two, across which jolts of emotion and love jumped. However, the connection was short lived as each quickly retreated into their own cocoon of self protection.

Just a few minutes into their visit Jen arrived, expecting to find just Billie there. It was not unusual for Jen to stop in unannounced, and on this day, her arrival was a blessing in disguise as far as Laurel was concerned. Taking Jen aside she urged their friend to get Cat and Billie away from the hospital setting for a couple of hours while she visited with the kids.

"They need a break from this place, Jen. They haven't been together for more than ten minutes at a time for nearly two weeks, and those ten minutes have always been right here in this room. I'm afraid there will be nothing left of their relationship to salvage if something drastic doesn't happen soon," Laurel warned.

Jen nodded her head. "I'll take care of it," she said.

Billie was standing by the window looking out over the city, while Cat sat on the edge of the bed visiting with the children. When each was sure the other wasn't looking, both would steal glances at the other ... glances filled with love and longing.

"All right," Jen said to the general audience in the room. "Billie, Cat, I'd like you to come with me," she said.

Billie and Cat looked at her questioningly, both pairs of eyebrows raised into their hairlines.

"Laurel, would you mind visiting with the kids while I take my friends to dinner?" she asked the older woman, a knowing grin on her face.

"Not at all. We'll be fine here," she said. Looking back and forth between Cat and Billie, she added, "Go on... you both need a break."

Cat and Billie looked at each other, both ready to object, when Jen interrupted.

"I don't want any excuses. Let's go ... NOW!" she commanded.

Both ladies knew better than to argue with Jen when she was in one of these moods. Besides, they both consciously acknowledged that they did indeed need a break.

Since the hospital was in the middle of the metropolitan area, they were close enough to the business district to walk to any convenience store or restaurant. This suited Jen just fine, since taking the car would mean that one of them would have sit in the back seat. By walking, she could make sure that they walked side by side, just by positioning herself on either end. The walk to the restaurant was tense, with Jen carrying most of the conversation for the three of them. They would answer direct questions, but avoided answers that required more elaborate discussion. The fifteen minute walk to the restaurant felt more like thirty. Finally, just before entering the eating establishment, Jen confronted her friends.

"Look. This isn't going the way I planned, all right?" she said. "You two need to start talking to each other. Skylar will be going home soon, isn't that right? Well, isn't it?" Jen asked.

Cat and Billie looked at each other, neither one sure who Jen was directing the question to. Finally, they looked back at her and said, "yes" together.

"Okay, then, that means the two of you will actually be living under the same roof ... at ... the ... same ... time ... again, right?" she asked.

Both women shook their heads.

"Then don't you think you need to start actually talking to each other again before then?" she finally asked.

Billie looked annoyed, Cat looked amused, neither looked at the other.

"Damn it! Look at each other. Look ... don't just glance - LOOK!" Jen said, taking each one's arms and turning them to face each other.

Cat looked up shyly as Billie looked down. Their eyes met and locked, a silent message of love and longing passed between them. Both women smiled slightly, unable to immediately break the gaze.

"Now we're getting somewhere," Jen said, pleased with her efforts as she allowed them more gazing time before urging them into the restaurant.

Jen asked for a small, isolated table so that Billie and Cat would be seated across from each other, and her on a third side. The table was in a corner, affording them some sense of privacy in an otherwise crowded restaurant. Sitting down, Jen refused to initiate conversation. Instead she sat back and watched her two friends interact.

Billie reached over the table and asked for Cat's hand, which Cat gave willingly. Bringing it to her lips, Billie kissed each knuckle, never taking her piercing blue eyes from Cat's face.

Cat's eyes closed as a look crossed her face that was almost obscene. Jen squirmed in her seat just watching her. When Cat opened her eyes again, they were mist-filled. "Billie," she said faintly.

Just then, the waitress came for their order. Jen cursed her silently under her breath.

Cat and Billie seldom took their eyes off each other through the meal. At one point, they both reached for the salt shaker, Cat retracting her hand shyly, blushing slightly under watchful blue eyes as Billie yielded it to her. There was most definitely a seduction going on back and forth across the table and Jen felt like a voyeur taking pleasure in her friends' foreplay.

At one point near the end of the meal, Jen excused herself to use the ladies room, leaving Cat and Billie alone at the table.

Conversation suddenly became awkward without Jen there to mediate it.

"So, Melanie said Sky should be able to go home in a few days," Billie commented.

"Yes she did," Cat replied. "This morning's ANC counts were almost normal."

"I think I want to set a cot up in the corner of our room for her, at least for a little while, you know, so that we can keep an eye on her at night," Billie said.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Billie," Cat said. "We can't be treating her differently than when she was healthy."

"What do you mean we can't be treating her differently," Billie said, her anger starting to rise. "Cat, our daughter has cancer. She could have a relapse. I want her near us," Billie stated adamantly.

"No, Billie. Having her in our room will not make any difference to her health. It just doesn't make sense," Cat explained.

Billie took her napkin off her lap and put it on the table. "You're going to be unreasonable about this, aren't you, Cat?" she asked.

"Me? Billie, you are the one being unreasonable here," she countered.

Billie rose to her feet. "This is neither the place, nor time to argue, Cat. I'm going back to the hospital. Please give Jen my apologies," she said as she threw some money down on the table and left the restaurant.

Moments later, Jen returned from the ladies room to find Cat sitting there alone, eyes cast down at the table, hands in her lap. "Where's Billie?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"She's gone back to the hospital Jen. She left her apologies," Cat replied.

Jen sat back in her chair and sighed, dropping her head back, and closing her eyes for a moment or two. Finally she looked at Cat. "What happened," she asked.

"We argued about Sky's sleeping arrangements when she comes home in a few days," Cat explained.

"You argued about Sky's sleeping arrangements. Damn it Cat. How did that get started?" Jen asked.

We were having a civil conversation about Sky coming home, when Billie insisted that she sleep on a cot in our room for a while. I didn't agree," Cat simply stated.

Jen propped her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands. Looking back up at Cat, she said, "Cat, would it have hurt to let her have her way for a few days ... at least until Sky was sleeping comfortably through the night?"

Now it was Cat's turn to become indignant. "Jen, Skylar is my daughter. I know what's best for her," she insisted.

Jen sat back in her chair again. "Oh, I get it," she said, throwing her napkin on the table. "You objected to the sleeping arrangements to make a point - to have the final say about your daughter ... NOT because you disagreed with Billie." Leaning forward, Jen looked directly into Cat's face. "Cat, until you realize that Billie is this child's mother too, and until you give her equal say, you have no hope of salvaging your marriage. You had better decide what you want more - your pride or your family." With that, Jen got up, threw some money on the table and left Cat to walk back to the hospital alone.

**********

When Cat arrived back at the hospital, she found her family waiting to say goodnight to her before they left for home. Skylar had drifted off to sleep shortly before she arrived and was tucked into bed, Seth's baseball cap securely on her head, and Petey tucked under her arm. Billie was sitting on the bed, her back propped against the headboard, while she drew lazy patterns on Skylar's arm with her fingertip. Seth and Tara were sitting on the foot of Skylar's bed watching cartoons, while Laurel stood in the window, looking out of the night lights of the surrounding city. Jen had apparently gone home directly from the restaurant.

Cat came in and immediately locked eyes with Billie. A barrage of emotions crossed her face as she looked at her wife, the least of which, was fear ... fear of losing her child, fear of losing Billie and her family, fear of the unknown. On the way back from the restaurant, Cat detoured into the park and sat for long moments on the swings thinking about what Jen had said to her. Was Jen right? Was it self-righteous arrogance that was causing the rift? The phrase, Pride goeth before the fall, kept going through her mind. By the gods, I'm so confused, Cat thought. In any case, she was in no shape to discuss this further, especially with Billie, until she could decipher it for herself. Finally, breaking her gaze with Billie, she approached the children and kissed them both, extracting promises from them to be good for their mother before going over to hug Laurel.

Laurel ushered the children out of the room and told Billie to meet them in the lobby as she left her daughter alone with Cat and Skylar.

Billie continued to sit on the bed, drawing lazy patterns on Skylar's arm.

Cat turned to look at Billie from her position by the window, her hands nervously intertwining. "Billie ..." she began.

"Go home, Cat. I'll stay with Sky tonight. I suspect I'll be doing a lot of that when she comes home," Billie said.

"Billie, I'll stay. You've been here all day ..." Cat said.

"Go home Cat. I'm not leaving. Now unless you want the spend the entire night maintaining this polite, meaningless facade. I suggest you just go home," Billie said coldly.

Tears sprang immediately to Cat's eyes as she quickly left the room, thinking that maybe Jen was right. Maybe there was little hope of saving her marriage.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER XII

Three days later, Skylar was released from the hospital with ANC counts of 950, with strict instructions to keep her living environment as clean as possible to avoid risk of infection while she was undergoing the second phase of chemotherapy. Skylar's homecoming was a quiet affair, with only her immediately family in attendance, including Doc and Ida. All through the visit, Cat and Billie kept a polite distance between them as Ida and Laurel fretted over the chasm separating their daughters.

"Ida, I don't know what to do to help them," Laurel said. "This entire problem started because of Skylar's attachment to Billie. Ida, I can understand why Cat is upset about that, believe me, I know from personal experience how Cat feels, but both our daughters are being so damned stubborn about this whole thing. So stubborn that their marriage just may fail because of it. We can't let that happen," Laurel stated vehemently.

Ida sat and contemplated Laurel's words, thinking of her own childhood, and how Mel had basically provided nearly all the mothering even though Janice was her birth mother. Then it hit her. "Of course!" Ida said out loud, placing a hand on her sister's arm. "Of course! I know just the person who can help straighten this mess out," she exclaimed.

"Who?" asked Laurel anxiously.

"Janice Covington," replied Ida.

Laurel looked at her with wide eyes. "Yes! Its perfect. Ida, you're a genius. Let's call her right now," Laurel suggested.

Both women slipped off to the guest room where Laurel was staying to make a phone call to Charleston, South Carolina. Laurel stood by looking at her sister as Ida made the call. I would have loved to grow up with you, Ida, Laurel thought. These past few days of getting to know you have been wonderful. Nona and Janice did a good job raising you. I am so glad you have welcomed me into your life. Laurel wiped away an errant tear from the corner of her eye as Ida made the connection into Charleston.

The phone was answered on the third ring. "Pappington Acres" came a man's voice on the other end of the line.

"Good evening Chet, this is Ida," the woman said into the receiver. "Are either of my mothers home?" she asked.

"I'm sorry Miss Ida, but Miss Mel and Miss Janice are on an archeological lecture circuit in Rome. They aren't due back for another three weeks," he said.

"Damn," Ida swore under her breath.

"Would you care to leave a message, Ma'am?" Chet asked.

"Yes, please have them call me at home, or call Laurel at Billie's when you hear from them. All right. Thank you Chet. Goodbye," Ida said, hanging up the phone. "They're in Rome," she said, looking at her sister.

"Damn," Laurel said.

"Mom?" Cat said from the doorway to Laurel's room.

Ida and Laurel spun around at the sound of Cat's voice, guilty looks on both their faces. "Cat!" Ida exclaimed, seeing her daughter eye them suspiciously.

"We're cutting the cake if you'd like to join us," Cat said.

"Of course, dear, of course. We'll be right there," Ida said.

"Phew!, that was close," Laurel said after Cat left the room.

"Phew is right!" Ida said. "Now, let's go welcome our granddaughter home, proper-like as Mel likes to say."

"Proper-like, indeed," repeated Laurel as she locked arms with her sister and headed for the kitchen.

**********

The silence in the house was deafening after the grandparents left and the children had been put to bed. Laurel decided to go home with Ida for a few days to give Cat and Billie full reign of their home while they became familiar with living as a family under one roof again.

Billie retreated to the family room where she knelt on one knee in front of the fireplace, poking randomly at the dying embers, staring at the glow, but seeing nothing. Cat came half way down the stairs and sat on the steps, bending her upper body forward and hugging her legs. She sat there for long moments watching Billie poke at the fire. Billie was aware of her presence, but did nothing to initiate conversation.

"Billie," Cat finally said, breaking the silence. "It's very late. You should try to get some sleep."

"I'm not tired, Cat," was all Billie said.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Try not to stay up too late, okay?" she said, rising to her feet.

"Goodnight, Cat," Billie said, still not turning to look at the woman.

Cat sighed deeply as she turned and climbed the stairs to the kitchen. It's going to be a long night, she thought sadly.

Hearing her go, Billie dropped down to sit on the floor, letting the poker fall into the ashes and wrapping her long arms around her legs which she had brought up into her chest. Resting her chin on her knees, she blinked away the tears and stifled a yawn. It's going to be a long night, she thought sadly.

In the middle of the night, Cat woke suddenly, sitting up, looking around in the darkness. "Billie?" she said, feeling around the bed for her wife, but not finding her there. Throwing the covers back, she climbed out of bed and went in search of the tall woman, heading directly down stairs to the family room. Descending the stairs, she found the room to be dark, the ashes in the fireplace long since dead and cold. A check of Laurel's room and the couch in the living room also turned up empty. Climbing the stairs to the second story, she checked each child's room, tucking them in as she went. First Seth, then Tara and finally Skylar, where she finally found Billie asleep, wrapped around her baby daughter. Cat approached the pair and stood there for long moments, watching them sleep, tears cascading down her cheeks at the sense of loss she was feeling in her heart.

"Go to bed, Cat," came Billie's voice from the bed, startling her.

"Billie?" Cat asked, sobbing. Cat wanted desperately to ask Billie to come to bed, to hold her and comfort her.

"Cat, I said go to bed," Billie said again, making it clear that she planned on staying with Skylar all night.

Cat fled to her room, throwing herself down on the bed and crying herself to sleep.

**********

Billie paused at the end of the driveway the next morning and stretched before starting her run. Like so many other mornings, Jen showed up moments later. Billie stood erect as her friend approached. She hadn't seen her since she left her with Cat in the restaurant five days ago.

"Good Morning," Jen said.

"Good Morning, Jen," Billie replied

"You look like hell, Big Guy," Jen remarked.

"I love you too, Jen," Billie answered as she started their run.

Running side by side, they covered their normal five mile route without a word of discussion, stopping at their usual place for coffee and half-mile cool down walk back to their homes.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jen asked as they walked side by side, sipping their coffee.

"Not much to talk about, Jen. Sky is home. She's sleeping in her own room. I'm sleeping with her," Billie said.

"You're sleeping with her?" Jen asked incredulously. "Is that by choice, Billie?" she added.

"Yes," she replied.

"How does Cat feel about that?" she asked.

"I don't care how Cat feels about that, Jen," she said coldly.

Jen stopped and placed a hand on Billie's arm, effectively stopping her as well. "You don't care? Why don't I believe that, Billie?"

"Believe what you'd like, Jen. That's the way it is. I feel better being close to Sky. Since Cat won't allow her in our room, I'll go to her. It's just that simple," she finished.

"Nothing is just that simple, my friend. Billie, you and Cat have to find a way to work this out or there will be nothing left between you. Don't you see that?" Jen asked.

"Jen, there was a time when I thought Cat and I shared everything ... everything, Jen, right down to our children," Billie said passionately, tears springing to her eyes at the exclamation. "Now, I'm not so sure."

Jen was crying now. Reaching up, she touched the side of her friend's face. "Billie, I can't bear to see you and Cat in so much pain. I love you both so much. I'm so afraid of losing you," she cried.

Billie took Jen into her arms and held her close, crying with her. "Jen, no matter what happens between Cat and I, you will always be my friend. I love you too, Jen. I always will," she said.

Jen suddenly turned macho on Billie. Pulling out of her arms, she said, "Look at us... acting like babies," she said. "I'm not through with you and Cat yet, Billie. I won't give up on the two of you, even if you give up on yourselves," she said. "Look, the kids will be waking up soon, I've gotta run. Tomorrow morning - same time?" she asked.

"Same time, Jen," Billie replied as they each ran to their respective homes.

**********

Billie showered quickly, wanting to avoid any potential confrontation with Cat. Normally, she would welcome the company and their morning playtime. It was her favorite way to start the day. Under the present circumstances, however, she was in no mood for such an encounter. As luck would have it, Cat slept through her shower. Billie even managed to rummage through the dresser, collecting her clothes for the day and dressing herself without waking her. Moments later, she was dressed and had her long wet hair combed out. Slipping her shoes on, she left the room to check on Skylar, looking back one more time at a still-sleeping Cat.

**********

Cat laid there listening to the shower run. She was tempted to climb in behind Billie and work her into a sexual frenzy like she had so many times before. It was one of their favorite ways to start the day. However, this morning, Cat didn't think Billie would appreciate her company, so she remained in bed, feigning sleep as her wife showered, then moved around the room collecting her clothes and getting dressed. Soon, she heard Billie leave the room. Rolling over, she watched the door close behind the dark haired woman. Cat buried her face in the pillow to stifle the sound of her tears.

**********

"Sky, honey, sit still, please," Cat instructed her daughter, who was sitting in the kitchen chair, squirming around as Cat was trying to inject the phase-II chemo treatment into the catheter. Billie was standing by the counter, sipping coffee as she watched Cat struggle with the child.

"Skylar, do as Mama says," Billie added.

Skylar continued to squirm.

"Sky, please," Cat said again, sending a visual plea for help in Billie's direction.

Billie put her coffee cup on the table and reached down to scoop Skylar into her arms, then sat down with the child in her lap. "Hold still," she said as she reached into her pocket for a quarter. Tilting the child's head back, she placed the quarter on her nose. "If it doesn't fall off between now, and the time Mama is done with your medicine, they you can keep it, okay?" Billie asked the child. Skylar grinned, almost causing the quarter to fall as she whispered the word 'okay' to her mother. Skylar sat as still as a statue for several moments as Cat injected the treatment into the catheter.

"All done," Cat said, marveling at Billie's innovative approach to parenting.

"Okay, Mommy?" Skylar asked.

"Okay, Rugrat, it's all yours," Billie said, hugging her daughter. "I'm proud of you, sweet pea," she added before putting the child down on the floor to face Cat, who tucked her catheter into the pouch strapped to her back.

"Now, you let us know if you start to feel funny, or if you need to throw up, okay, love bug?" Cat said before kissing her daughter on the cheek and sending her into the family room to play with her sister.

"Okay, Mama," Skylar said as she skipped off happily to show her quarter to her big sister.

Cat looked up at Billie and smiled. "Thank you," she said. "You're a good Mom, Billie," she added.

"Am I, Cat? You didn't think so about a week ago," she commented.

Cat shook her head from side to side. "Billie, I ..."

"Mom! Skylar is throwing up all over the place down here!" Tara yelled from the family room.

"Damn!" Cat exclaimed as she rose to her feet and headed down the stairs.

Billie detoured to the broom closet for the mop bucket, then headed down behind her, heading back up the stairs moments later wearing soiled clothing and carrying a sick Skylar in her arms. "It's all right, love. I've got you. Mommy's got you, sweetheart," she said soothingly into her daughter's ear as she headed directly to her own room, Skylar in tow.

Stripping them both down, she turned the shower on and slipped under the spray, holding the little girl close to her chest, rocking her back and forth under the warm spray, while humming random tunes to her. Soon, Skylar was asleep on her mother's shoulder. Reaching over, she turned off the spray, then reached out for a warm fluffy towel, which she gingerly wrapped around the sleeping child. Carrying her into their bedroom, she threw the covers back on the bed and placed the towel-wrapped child in the center. After quickly toweling herself dry, Billie slipped a night shift over her own head and crawled in beside her daughter, pulling the blankets up around them.

Within moments, Cat entered the room, also needing a shower from her cleanup activities. A short time later, Cat exited the bathroom and approached the bed, a towel wrapped around her still-damp body. She paused by the bed and looked down at Billie and Skylar. Billie made eye contact with Cat as she reached over Skylar's body and grabbed the covers on Cat's side of the bed, yanking them down in invitation. Cat quickly toweled herself dry and slipped a T-shirt over her head, crawling into bed on the other side of Skylar, and pulling the blankets up around herself.

Both women laid on their sides, facing each other and their daughter. Billie reached her right hand up and held it over Skylar, palm facing Cat. Cat reached her left hand up and interlocked her fingers with Billie, bringing their entwined hands down to rest on the pillow above Skylar's head. Their eyes locked in secret agreement to keep their daughter safe, as both of them drifted off to sleep, one on each side of their sweet angel.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER XIII

Life in the Charland home settled into a routine over the next two weeks. Skylar's health remained tentative but stable, allowing both Billie and Cat to return to work, with Laurel staying on to help care for the children who were on summer vacation from school. Cat continued to give daily injections of phase-II chemotherapy to Skylar through the catheter, and Skylar continued to reject the contents of her stomach shortly after the drugs were administered. Fortunately, this appeared to be the only real side effect, aside from the persistent hair loss. Also fortunate for the little girl was the fact that the upset stomach was short lived, allowing her a mostly normal day after the vomiting was over.

Unfortunately, the situation with Billie and Cat was anything but normal. Billie continued to sleep with Skylar while Cat cried herself to sleep nearly every night. There were also constant confrontations, primarily disagreements concerning the children or about their relationship in general. One confrontation in particular was especially explosive.

It was late in the evening, nearly two weeks after Skylar had come home. Billie was once again, sitting in the family room, poking at the dying embers, waiting for them to die out before turning in to bed. This night, Cat sat on the stairs, patiently waiting for Billie to give up her vigil. The rest of the house's occupants slept soundly around them.

Billie sensed Cat's presence on the stairs.

"Go to bed, Cat," she said.

"No, Billie. Not without you," she said.

Billie sighed and dropped her chin to her chest. "Cat, please. I'm in no mood to fight with you tonight," she said.

"Well that's good, because I'm not in the mood to fight either," Cat said, as she moved down the stairs and approached Billie, who was still crouched by the fire.

Billie felt her approach and stood up to her full height, backing up into the mantel to escape Cat's advances. Cat however, was not to be deterred as she boldly approached Billie and wrapped her arms around her wife's waist, resting her head between Billie's breasts. "Billie, come to bed. Make love to me," she begged.

Billie grabbed Cat by the arms and pushed her away. "Stop it, Cat. I told you I wasn't in the mood to fight with you tonight," Billie warned.

"This isn't fighting, Billie," Cat reiterated, wrapping her arms around Billie once more, squeezing her bottom with both hands.

Billie fought hard against the sensations that were coursing through her body. "Stop it, Cat, before I do something I'll regret later," she warned the smaller woman.

"The only thing I'll regret, Billie, is living through this night without making love to you. Please Billie. I want you. I need you. Please make love to me," Cat pleaded, reaching behind Billie's neck to pull her head down for a kiss.

"No!" Billie shouted, breaking Cat's hold on her by flinging her arms away, a little harder than she intended. Cat flew backward, falling over the coffee table and hitting her head on the floor, knocking her out cold.

Billie stood there, frozen with terror before her senses finally returned to her. "Cat! Cat!" she exclaimed, lifting the injured woman off the floor and laying her on the couch. "Ohmygod.... Ohmygod...." Billie chanted, kneeling beside Cat, unsure of what to do to help her injured wife. Luckily for Billie, the commotion was enough to wake Laurel up in the room above them.

"Billie? Billie, what's going on down there?" Laurel called from the kitchen doorway.

Billie ran over to the stairs. "Laurel! Thank the gods you're awake. Cat is unconscious. I need help," she exclaimed.

Laurel was down the stairs in seconds, leaning over Cat, feeling for injuries. "What happened here, Billie?" Laurel said, suspecting the worse.

Billie was immediately on the defensive. "I didn't hit her, Laurel. Get that out of your mind right away. I would never do that," Billie said adamantly.

"Then tell me what happened, Billie," Laurel said pointedly to her daughter.

Billie told her the truth, about her wife's advances and how she had flung Cat's hands away, causing her to stumble backward and fall over the coffee table. Based on what Billie had said, Laurel found the knot at the back of Cat's head. While she was feeling around the knot, Cat moaned and began to stir. Laurel looked up at Billie. "Do you have an ice pack?" she asked. Billie shook her head and quickly ran up the stairs to retrieve it from the kitchen freezer. She was back in seconds, handing it to Laurel, who was talking to a now-conscious Cat. Lifting her head, she placed the ice pack under Cat's head where the bump was, and gently laid her head back down on the couch, right on top of the ice pack.

"Owww," Cat complained.

"Cat ..." Billie began, but stopped short when Laurel lifted her hand to silence her.

"Cat," Laurel said. "Cat, can you hear me?"

Cat opened her eyes and shook her head yes.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked.

Cat looked at her mother-in-law. "Laurel," she replied, then looking over her shoulder, she saw the target of her earlier amorous affections. "Billie, I'm sorry. I guess no means no, huh?" she said, starting to laugh, but catching herself as her head throbbed at the movement.

Billie was scared to death. "Cat, I'm the one who's sorry. I have never physically hurt you before. I'm so sorry." she said, her voice cracking with emotion.

"It was my fault, Billie. You said no. I didn't listen. I just wanted you to love me," Cat said.

Billie dropped to one knee beside Cat as Laurel moved to stand near the mantel. Taking the smaller woman's hand in her own, she looked Cat in the eye and said, "Cat, I do love you. I love you more than life itself, but I don't know if I can live with someone who doesn't respect me as an equal," she said. "I thought we had it all, Cat. We had each other, our home, three beautiful children.... our children, Cat. Not mine, not yours, but ours. At least I thought they were. I guess I was wrong. I have leaned that with Sky's illness. I'm sorry I presumed the girls to be as much mine as they are yours. I am so sorry for that, Cat." Billie rose to her feet and started pacing back and forth. "This is worse than divorce. I feel like I've lost my children as well as my wife, but I know now they were never mine to lose, except for Seth, that is." Billie stopped to compose herself, looking down at Cat who was a total wreck.

"Cat, I am leaving in the morning," she said, drawing a gasp out of Cat and Laurel.

"Billie, no!" Cat said.

'Yes, Cat. Look what I have done to you. I've hurt you, Cat. I have never done that before tonight. I can't let that happen again," she said.

"Billie, it was my fault. Oh gods, please don't leave me, Billie, please," Cat begged, reaching up to grab at Billie's clothing - anything to cling to.

Billie grabbed Cat's hands and brought them to her lips. Tears were pouring from both their eyes as Billie kissed Cat's hands. "I love you, Cat. I always will. Please remember that," she said.

Billie stood and looked at Laurel. "I'm going out. Please see that she makes it to bed, okay?" she asked. Seeing Laurel nod her head, she thanked her mother and climbed the stairs to the kitchen, tears pouring down her face, her heart filled with pain with every plea coming from Cat's mouth as she walked away.

**********

Billie didn't come back that night. Instead, she went to work and slept fitfully on the couch in her office. It was there that Art found her the next morning.

"Good Morning, Charla......." Art began as he pushed her door open and entered with two cups of coffee. "Holy shit!" he exclaimed when he saw her. He quickly closed and locked her door and went to sit by her, handing her the coffee he had brought her. "Here, strong and black. Looks like you need it this morning. You look like hell, Billie. What is god's name happened?" he asked.

Billie sat on the edge of the couch, her face pale and puffy from crying the night before, her hair a tangled mess, her jeans and T-shirt wrinkled from being slept in. Her head was pounding with a tension headache. "Drugs," she said, indicating the bottle of pain reliever in her desk. Art reached over and retrieved the bottle for her. Opening it, she took out four and downed then with a large drink of coffee which burned her throat as she swallowed. Sitting back on the couch, she threw her head back and said, "Kill me now, Art, please. Put me out of my misery," she begged.

"How much did you drink last night, Billie," he asked seriously, looking around for a bottle.

"Nothing," she answered.

"Nothing? Then what were you high on?" he asked.

"I don't do drugs, Art, you know that," she said.

"Then what the hell happened to you, Billie. You look like shit!" he exclaimed.

"Thanks for the compliments. You sure know how to make a girl feel good, my friend," she said.

Art grabbed Billie by the arms. "That's enough, Billie. Now I want a straight answer, all right? What the hell happened last night?" he demanded.

Billie started to cry. "I left her, Art. I left Cat ... and the kids," she said, breaking down in her friend's arms and crying her heart out. Over the next half hour, she told Art everything, from her arguments with Cat over Skylar's parentage, to the lack of physical closeness between her and Cat over the past month, to Cat's amorous advances that ended up with Billie injuring the one person she loved more than life itself. "I had to leave. Don't you see, Art. I hurt her. I can't risk that happening again," she said.

"Billie, that was an accident. The real issue here is trust, not the risk of physical harm. Damn it Billie, are you sure you want to leave her and the children at a time like this, I mean, with Skylar sick and everything?" he asked.

"I had to Art. We were miserable. It was just a matter of time before the kids were miserable too. I'm not deserting Sky, Art. I'll still be there for her if she needs me. I just can't live like that any more," Billie tried to explain.

Art rose from his seat and paced back and forth, running his hand over his short, curly hair. "I won't pretend to understand your motives, Billie, but I will give you the support you need to get back on your feet. You're coming home with me. In fact, we'll both take the day off and head home right now. I'll just give Marge a call to make sure the guest room is ready for you," he said as he left her office.

**********

Cat sat at the kitchen table, her aching head in her hands. Reaching out, she accepted the pain killers and glass of water Laurel handed to her. "Thank you," she said, looking up at her mother-in-law tearing up at Billie's resemblance to her. "By the gods, Billie looks so much like you," she commented as she took the medication.

Laurel stood behind Cat, bending over and wrapping her arms around the smaller woman. Cat let her head fall back onto Laurel's shoulder and her hand came up to cover the arms wrapped around her chest. "Are you all right, dear?" Laurel asked.

Cat's shoulders began to shake. "No, I'm not," Cat said. "Laurel, she is my heart, I can't live without her."

Releasing her, Laurel came around and sat in the chair adjacent to Cat. "Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" she asked her daughter-in-law.

"I don't know ... Jen's maybe, or Art's," she replied.

"Well, then maybe we need to make a few phone calls," Laurel said, rising to her feet just as the phone began to ring. "I'll get it," she said. "Hello?" she said into the receiver.

"Hello, Cat?" Art asked.

"No this is Laurel, but Cat is right here. May I ask who's calling?" She said politely.

"Art," he replied.

Cat had risen to her feet at the sound of her name and was standing there ready to accept the receiver from Laurel. "Art," Laurel mouthed while handing it to Cat.

"Art!" Cat said eagerly into the phone. "Is Billie with you?" she asked.

"Yes she is. She's in the shower right now. Cat, are you all right? Billie told me what happened last night," he said.

"I'm fine, Art. My head hurts, but other than that, I'm fine. Did Billie tell you it was an accident?" Cat asked.

"The way she described it sure sounded like an accident to me, but you know Billie. She's feeling very guilty about it, Cat," he replied.

"Art, has she said anything about coming home?" Cat asked.

Silence.

"Art?" Cat said, fear clutching at her heart, knowing what the silence meant. "Art, please tell me she's coming home," Cat begged.

"I'm sorry, Cat. She was adamant about that when I found her sleeping in her office this morning. Between the injury and what she keeps referring to as 'the loss of her children', I think she has completely lost hope that you'll ever be a real family again. I'm sorry," he explained.

Cat covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her sobs. "Art, I have been such a fool," she cried. "Please tell her I love her, that we all love her, okay?" Cat asked shakily.

Art's voice cracked on the other end of the line. "Sure Cat," he said, cleaning his throat. "I'll ... uhmmm, I'll tell her."

"Thanks, Art. Good bye," Cat finished, hanging up the phone, collapsing into Laurel's arms.

Art reached over and placed the receiver in the cradle, then with one hand on his hip, and the other rubbing the back of his neck, he took a deep breath to compose himself before delivering Cat's message. He wasn't sure he could do it without breaking down. Damn, friendships are hard, he thought as he headed to the guest room.

**********

Cat was sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands when the door opened and Jen stuck her head in. It had been nearly two weeks since their argument in the restaurant, neither having spoken to the other since. "Truce?" Jen said as she stepped into the room and revealed a bouquet of freshly cut flowers for Cat.

Cat took one look at her friend and broken down crying.

For once, Jen was dumb struck. It was on the tip of her tongue to make some comment about the flowers not being that bad, but common sense told her that Cat was in no mood for jokes.

Cat rose from her chair, putting her arms out for Jen to hold her. Jen immediately put the flowers on the counter and rushed to her friend, taking her into her arms and holding her close, rubbing her back and cooing soothing words of friendship and love to her. At one point, Jen reached up and pulled Cat's head into her neck with a hand to the back of her head. Cat winced as Jen's hand contacted the bump from the accident the night before.

Jen released her immediately and spun her around, to check out the source of the pain, finding a large egg on the back of Cat's head. "Cat, how did this happen?" she demanded angrily, "did Billie ..."

"No! Jen, it wasn't like that. Why does everyone automatically assume that Billie knocks me around?" Cat asked defensively. "It was an accident. I was pushing her into something she wasn't ready for, and when she objected, I stumbled, lost my balance, and fell over the coffee table. She did not intentionally hurt me, Jen," Cat explained.

Jen was seething with anger. "Where is she, Cat?" Jen asked, wanting to hear the explanation from Billie herself.

"She's gone Jen. She left us last night, after this happened," she said, referring to the injury. "I'm afraid I've lost her for good this time," Cat said, starting to cry once more. Cat's tears immediately extinguished Jen's anger.

"Cat, have the two of you worked anything out, about the children, I mean. I know that was tearing her to shreds. Cat, in her heart, the girls are very much her own. I have never met anyone before who has such capacity to love another woman's children as much as she does. Cat, you must know that she loves the girls with everything she is," Jen explained.

Cat nodded her head. "I know, Jen. I've been such a jealous fool, and I may have lost everything because of it," Cat said, sitting down hard in the kitchen chair.

"Mama?" came a tiny voice from the doorway to the living room.

Cat and Jen both turned in the direction of the voice and found Skylar standing there, holding Petey in one hand and rubbing her eye with the balled fist of the other hand. Her pajamas were hanging on her loosely and askew, exposing her rounded belly, her skin pale and pasty.

Jen became alarmed, not having seen the child in nearly two weeks. "Gods, Cat, she's so thin and pale!" she commented without thinking.

Cat looked at her friend with a startled expression on her face, then at her daughter. Having not been around her for so long, Jen saw things that those who saw her daily overlooked. Cat forced herself to look at her daughter with an unbiased, professional eye. Jen was right. She was thin and pale, and her lack of hair and protruding belly gave her the appearance of a third world refugee. Cat gasped when she let herself realize the extent of her daughter's condition.

"Sky, honey, come here," Cat said, reaching out her arms to the child.

Sky walked clumsily to her mother, falling down once between the doorway and the kitchen table, which were a mere ten feet apart. When she finally reached Cat, she climbed up into her mother's arms and cuddled deeply into her neck.

Cat noticed immediately that she was feverish again. "Gods, no!" Cat exclaimed as she held her daughter close and cast fearful eyes at her friend.

"Tell me what to do, Cat," Jen said, ready to help.

"Jen, Laurel is reading in her room, please ask her to keep an eye on Seth and Tara when they get up. I'm taking Sky to the doctor's," Cat replied.

Jen ran off to do as she was asked while Cat carried Skylar to her own room and gently placed her on the bed while she called Melanie. She threw on a pair of shorts and T-shirt, and was just slipping her feet into her sneakers when Jen and Laurel appeared in her doorway.

"Cat, the baby is ill again?" Laurel asked, fear and concern in her eyes.

"She's pale and feverish again, Laurel. Dr. Holder is meeting us at the hospital in .... 15 minutes," Cat said, looking at her watch. "I need you to stay with Seth and Tara. Please explain to them what has happened, but don't alarm them until we know more," Cat said.

"Of course, Cat. Do you want me to call Billie?" Laurel asked.

Cat paused for a moment then shook her head no. "No, If it turns out to be something serious, then we'll call her. Until I know what's going on, there's no need to alarm her either," Cat reasoned.

Jen looked at her friend as she tied her shoes. "I don't know if keeping Billie in the dark is wise Cat," Jen said.

Cat stood up and ran her hands through her hair. "Look," she said impatiently. "My daughter is sick, I don't have time to deal with this. I need to get her to the hospital."

Jen grabbed Cat's arm and got right into her face. "This attitude is what caused Billie to leave in the first place, Cat. You really need to decide whether you want her in your life or not, because with this attitude, it will never happen," Jen warned.

"Thank you so much for the advice, Dr, Ruth," Cat said sarcastically. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sick child to tend to."

"I'm going with you, Cat," Jen said.

Cat looked at her friend. "Suit yourself," she said, lifting Skylar into her arms and heading out to the car with her.

Laurel observed the interaction between Cat and Jen with interest. I really like this neighbor of yours, Cat. It is obvious how much she cares about you and Billie. Don't give up on her, Jen. Don't give up on them, she thought as she went back downstairs to wait for the other children to rise.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER XIV

Cat sat in the examination room, with Skylar on her lap, waiting for Melanie to return with the blood counts. Jen paced back and forth across the room behind them.

"What is taking them so long?" Jen asked as she continued to pace.

Without thinking, Cat said, "You sound just like Billie." Realizing what she had said, she made eye contact with Jen and gasped. Just then, Melanie entered the room.

Pulling up the stool in front of them, she sat down and faced Cat and Skylar. Looking into Cat's face, she said, 'Her ANC count is dropping. Its down to 850, but so far, no sign of abnormal cells," she explained, seeing the relief of Cat's face.

Jen stepped forward. "What does that mean?" she asked.

Melanie looked at Cat for permission to divulge her daughter's condition to this woman. Cat nodded her head.

"What it means, is that the level red and white blood cells, and platelets has dropped, making it hard for her body to fight infection. That explains the fever and paleness," she said. "Before you leave today, I want to do another blood transfusion. Are you up to donating a pint? she asked Cat.

Cat shook her head yes.

"I'm O-positive. Will my blood work as well?" Jen asked.

"Yes, it will. Thank you for offering," Melanie replied.

"What could be causing the blood levels to drop, Melanie?" Cat asked.

"Well, the phase-II therapy, perhaps. It's possible that the therapy is too aggressive and is killing off healthy blood cells. We'll change the combination of drugs today and see what happens," she said.

"Should she be hospitalized again?" Cat asked.

"No, I don't think so. She will have to be kept pretty much isolated from large groups of people though, especially in confined places, at least until her ANC is back near 1000 ... and be sure to keep people away from her that have preexisting infections like colds, chicken pox, measles, you know, things like that," Melanie explained.

"All right," Cat said, beginning to rise.

"I'll get you a week's supply of the new phase-II treatment combo to take home with you before you leave. You'll need to call me the minute you see anything different, good or bad, okay?" Melanie instructed. Seeing Cat shake her head, she said, "All right, let's go draw that blood and make this little girl's fever go away."

**********

When Cat and Jen arrived home with Skylar later in the day, they were met at the door by a very angry Billie. Laurel was sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee while Billie paced the floor behind her.

"Billie! What are you doing here? Have you come back home?" Cat asked hopefully.

Billie reached out and took a sleeping Skylar out of Cat's arms. Looking her straight in the face, she said in a low, angry voice, "Don't you dare move a muscle. I'm going to put our daughter to bed, then we need to talk." Turning on her heel, she was gone, headed up the stairs to tuck Skylar into bed.

Cat watched her go then looked at her mother-in law with a confused expression on her face.

"She called this morning to talk to the kids, Cat. She totally freaked out when Seth told her you had brought Skylar to the hospital. She's very angry that you didn't call her," Laurel said.

Cat looked at Jen and was met with an 'I told you so' face. "Where are Seth and Tara?" she asked.

"At Jen's house, playing in the pool," Laurel answered, looking at Jen.

"Look, Cat. I'm going to head home and keep the kids there until the coast is clear. Good luck, my friend. Just remember that she really does love you and the kids, okay?" Jen said, placing a kiss on Cat's cheek, then beating a hasty retreat before Billie returned.

Just as Jen closed the door, Billie walked purposefully into the kitchen. Stopping short when she saw her mother still sitting there, she said, "Laurel, could I please talk to my wife alone?"

Laurel rose to her full height, nearly equal to that of her daughter, and looked Billie in the eye. "I'll leave you, Billie, but don't give me reason to come back in here to intervene. Do you understand?" she asked firmly.

Billie's eyes narrowed. "I won't hurt her, if that's what you're concerned about. I would never do that on purpose," she said.

Laurel just shook her head and retreated to her room.

Billie ran a hand through her hair. Looking at Cat she asked, "Why? Why didn't you call me, Cat?"

"It was nothing, Billie," Cat said.

"Don't tell me it was nothing, Cat!" Billie exclaimed in a loud voice. "A cold is nothing. A scraped knee is nothing. A black eye is nothing, but when your child has leukemia, a fever and pale skin is DEFINITELY something! Damn it Cat! Don't shut me out. I know you find it hard to believe, but I love her like she is my own. I love all three of them equally Cat. You and the kids are the only important things in my life, please don't take them away from me," Billie pleaded, the anger fading from her voice to be replaced by heartfelt anguish as she sunk into the kitchen chair and dropped her head into her hands.

Cat never felt so low in her life. Jen was right. She should have called Billie. "I'm sorry, Billie," Cat said. "You are right. I should have called you. I'm sorry," she said again.

Billie lifted her head and looked at Cat, sorrow and heartache filling her eyes. She closed her eyes once more and rubbed her face with both hands before returning her eyes to Cat's face. "What did Melanie say, Cat?' she asked calmly, voiding her voice of all emotion.

Cat thought to herself that Billie looked ill, beaten. "Her ANC has dropped to 850, Billie. She's not sure why, but she suspects the phase-II meds were too aggressive, killing off healthy blood cells. She said they saw no traces of abnormal cells in the sample they took this morning. She gave me a new combination of meds to try starting tomorrow," Cat finished.

"Anything else?" Billie asked.

"Yes, Sky was feverish, so they gave her another transfusion before we left. They used mine and Jen's blood," she explained.

Billie nodded her head then rose to her feet.

"Where are you going?" Cat asked.

"To lie down with my daughter, Cat. I want to be there when she wakes up. Is that all right with you?" she asked sarcastically.

Cat just nodded as Billie walked away, then, dropping her face into her hand, she cried out her sorrow and regret for the bad decisions she had made that morning.

**********

Cat was still sitting at the table a half hour later with her head in her hands when the phone rang. Cat made no attempt to answer it, knowing Laurel was in the house and would probably pick it up. She was right. A moment later, Laurel appeared in the doorway carrying the portable phone. "Its for you," she said. "You might want to take it in my room where you'll have more privacy," Laurel suggested.

Cat looked at Laurel suspiciously as she accepted the cordless phone from her. Walking into her mother-in-law's room, she sat on the edge of the bed and clicked the phone on. "Hello, this is Cat," she said into the receiver.

"Cat, this is Janice," the voice on the other end announced.

"Grandma Jan!" Cat exclaimed.

"Don't you, 'Grandma Jan' me, young lady," Janice said, making Cat sit back a bit startled. "What the hell are you doing, woman?" Janice asked.

"Grams, I don't know what you mean?" Cat said, confused about why her grandmother would be yelling at her.

"I've been talking to your mother, girl, and I know all about what's been going on in that thick skull of yours. Must be the Covington blood you inherited. Christ, Cat, do you have any idea what you're doing to Billie?" she scolded.

Cat was getting angry. Angry at both her mother and grandmother for interfering. "Look Grams ..." she began.

"Stop interrupting me, Caitlain," she said. Cat knew she was in trouble when Janice used her real name. Grandma Jan never used her real name. "Now you listen to me, and you listen good. When your mother was born, I knew what kind of parent I would be. I knew I wasn't capable of giving her the type of love and affection that normally comes from a mother. I loved her, yes ... I loved her very much, but it was a fatherly type of love, Cat. Without Melinda there to provide a woman's touch, your mother would have turned out very differently. I thank the gods daily for that woman of mine. I intentionally set out to get pregnant so that Mel could have a child, Cat, and I knew right from the beginning that this child would only get the kind of mothering it needed from Mel ... and I was grateful every day for her presence in my life, and her role in our daughter's life. We compliment each other Cat ... just like you and Billie do. You can not provide everything your children needs - that's nearly impossible for one person to do. Let her help you, Cat. She's earned the right. Don't take away what's rightfully hers. You will regret it until the day you die if you do." Janice was finally finished.

Several moments of silence passed before Janice spoke again.

"Cat, are you still there?" she asked.

"I'm here, Grams," Cat said emotionally.

"Good. I hope you heard and understood everything I said, girl. Your future happiness, and the happiness of your children depend on it," Janice said.

"I understand, Grams," Cat said, crying steadily now. "I've been a fool, Grams. Do you think she'll forgive me?" Cat asked.

"Well, you won't know until you ask, will you? Don't put it off, Cat. It will only get harder the longer you wait," she advised.

"I love you Grams," Cat said.

"Ditto, little one. Kiss the babies for Mel and me, okay? Keep your chin up, sweetheart. Sky will be fine, I can feel it in my bones. She can't help but be a survivor, Cat; she has Covington blood running through her veins after all," Janice said.

"Thank you Grams. Kiss Grandma Mel for me too, okay? I love you both, Bye!" Cat said, clicking off the cordless. Cat sat there for several moments looking at the floor before she allowed herself to fall onto Laurel bed and cry herself to sleep.

**********

Skylar woke up before Billie. Opening her eyes, and seeing her beloved Mommy laying next to her, Skylar rolled onto her side and started playing a game they had developed over the past few weeks of sleeping together. Very delicately, Skylar started touching Billie's face. The object of the game was to see how many times they could touch each other without waking their victim up. Skylar learned early on that the lighter the touch, the less likely she would be to wake Billie up. Eight touches later, Billie suddenly grabbed Skylar's hand, causing the child to squeal in delight.

Rolling her over onto her back and pinning her to the mattress, Billie kissed the child on the nose and asked, "How many touches this time?"

"Eight!" she said proudly, grinning ear to ear.

"A new record, dumpling! I'm proud of you," she said, kissing the child once more.

Skylar reached up and placed both hands on either side of Billie's face. "Mommy, you were gone when I woke up today. Where were you?" she asked seriously. "Did you sleep wif Mama last night?"

Billie smiled crookedly as she looked down on her daughter. "No, sweetheart, I had some things to take care of," she said.

"Will you sleep wif me tonight?" she asked.

"I don't know, baby, we'll see," Billie said. "How are you feeling, Sky?" Billie asked, feeling the child's forehead for fever and finding it cool.

"Dr. Holder made my hot go away, Mommy," Skylar said.

"That's good. Hey, are you hungry?" Billie asked.

"Can I have some ice cream?" the child inquired.

"Ice cream it is!" Billie exclaimed, picking the child up and hefting her onto her back for a horsie ride down the stairs to the kitchen.

Billie and Skylar entered the kitchen at the same time Seth and Tara came home from Jen's. Both children walked into the house wrapped in towels, dripping wet from their swim in Jen's pool.

"Hey Rugrats!" Billie exclaimed. "We were just thinking about scooping up some ice cream cones. You interested?" she asked.

Wide grins appeared on the older children's faces.

"Cool!" said Seth.

"Count me in!" exclaimed Tara.

"Good. Why don't you get out of those wet bathing suits while I dish it up. Oh, and don't forget to bring your suits and towels back down stairs and throw them over the line," she said to two retreating backs.

Billie sat Skylar on the counter top and put her in charge of handing her the sugar cones while she filled each one. Soon, all three children were sitting happily around the kitchen table eating ice cream. Cat came upon the scene as Billie was dishing up a cone for herself. Looking at her wife and then at the children, she offered the cone to Cat. "Interested in an ice cream cone, Mama?" Billie said to Cat.

Cat looked at Billie with pain etched into her brow. She knew the offer was for the children's benefit, so she accepted the cone, thanking Billie with a genuine smile. Their eyes locked for long moments before Billie looked away to fix another cone.

Cat and Billie stood side by side, leaning against the counter watching the children's animated conversation while they ate their ice cream. When they were done, Cat retrieved a damp face cloth from the bathroom, and washed the ice cream from Skylar's face and hands before sending her into the family room to watch movies with her brother and sister. Soon, she and Billie were alone in the kitchen.

"Thank you for including me in the ice cream break, Billie," Cat said.

Billie just nodded and looked at the floor. An uncomfortable tension filled the air.

Suddenly, both women spoke at once, "Billie," "Cat,"

Cat giggled nervously. "Go ahead, Billie, you first," she said.

"No, Cat. What were you going to say?" Billie insisted.

Cat took a deep breath and faced her wife. Reaching out, she touched Billie arm before speaking. "Billie, I have been a fool," she said to the silent woman. "Honey, I'm sorry. You are right. The children are ours - they always have been. You give them something I can't. We compliment each other Billie. My jealous heart wasn't allowing me to see that before. I love you with everything that a I am, Billie. We need you ... I need you, the children need you. Please forgive me, Billie ... come home to us love, please," Cat finished, hopeful tears running down her face.

Billie looked at Cat and swallowed hard. Does she really mean it? she thought. Gods, I need some time to think. I need space. I want this desperately, but I need it to be real, permanent. Billie took a few steps away from Cat then turned around to look at her. She threw her arms up to the sides. "Cat, I don't know what to say."

"Say yes, Billie. Say you'll come home. Say we will love and cherish each other again for ever. Please," Cat pleaded.

"I can't, Cat. I need time to think. I'm sorry," she said, heading for the door. Stopping just before she left, she turned and said, "I'll be at Art's if you need me Cat. I'm sorry."

Cat crumbled to the floor crying, as the door shut behind Billie.

On the porch just outside the window, close to where Billie and Cat were having their discussion, Laurel sat in a lawn chair, reading a book. The book closed sharply as she heard her daughter reject Cat's plea for forgiveness.

**********

Cat sat alone in the family room, dark, save the light from the dying fireplace. Staring straight ahead, she agonized over a future without Billie. I can't blame her for rejecting me, Cat thought. Look at the way I have treated her for the past month. There is only so much pain a person can endure before they build a wall around their heart. Gods, Billie, I'm so sorry for being the architect of that wall. Please forgive me, my love.

"Cat, are you all right?" Laurel asked from her position at the bottom of the stairs.

Cat turned to look at her mother-in-law. Feigning a weak smile, she replied, "I'm fine, Laurel."

Laurel approached her and kissed her on the forehead. "You don't seem fine, Cat," she said, sitting down next to the smaller woman.

Cat reached out and placed her hand on Laurel's arm. "I'm a survivor, Laurel. As Grandma Jan is fond of saying, 'I have Covington blood in my veins after all'. I'll get through this, one way or another," she said, returning her eyes to the fire.

Laurel looked at Cat intently, watching the reflection of the fire dance across her china-doll features. Even though she didn't fully understand the gay lifestyle, she could clearly see what is was about Cat that Billie loved so much. My daughter is a fool for rejecting this beautiful woman, and I intend to tell her as much, Laurel decided. Leaning over, she kissed Cat on the cheek and told her not to stay up too late. Then, excusing herself, she went upstairs to bed while Cat remained on the couch, watching the fire and wiping the tears from her eyes.

**********

"Jimmy, this is Billie. Have you had any luck with that missing person's report I asked for yesterday? Yes, that's the one. All right ... tomorrow is soon enough. Okay, thanks Jimmy. I'll talk to you later then, bye," Billie said as she hung up her office phone and began organizing the brief that was spread out all over her desk. Thank the gods she had gotten into work early that morning. The deposition was in two days, and there was still a lot of work to do on the case. Just then, the buzzer sounded on her intercom. Pressing the message button, she said, "Yes Deb?"

"Billie, there is someone here to see you. She says she's your mother," the secretary's voice said over the speaker.

Laurel? Billie thought. "Does she look like me, Deb?" Billie asked.

"She looks exactly like you, Billie," Deb replied.

Send her in," she responded into the phone.

A moment later, Laurel walked in and perched on the corner of Billie's desk. She was dressed in a very elegant blue suit, which hugged her still firm curves and shapely legs. "Do you always screen your calls like that, Billie?" she asked.

"Sometimes," Billie answered, walking over to the coffee machine and refilling her mug. "What brings you here today, Laurel?" she asked.

Setting her clutch down on the edge of Billie's desk, she looked directly at her daughter and said, "I've come to tell you what a fool you are, Billie."

Billie raised her eyebrows into her hairline. "Excuse me?" she said.

"What part of that didn't you understand? Do you have any idea what you did to Cat yesterday?" Laurel asked.

Billie put her coffee cup down on the table and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I fail to see where this is any of your business, Laurel," Billie said.

"Oh, this is definitely my business, Billie," Laurel replied.

"How so?" Billie asked.

"Because I've been there. Cat begged for your forgiveness yesterday, and you flat out rejected her. Don't walk out on your wife and children, Billie ... it will be the biggest mistake of your life," Laurel warned her.

Billie approached her mother, stopping within inches of her. Leaning down, Billie said directly into her face, "You had no problem walking out on me, Laurel. You sold me for drug money, remember? Why did you do that, Laurel? Did you think selling your child was easier than spreading your legs for drugs?"

SLAP!

Billie found herself sprawled out on the couch behind her, holding her face, an angry Laurel standing over her.

"I am sick to death of hearing you throw that in my face, Billie," Laurel shouted angrily. I know what I did was wrong - believe me - I live with it every single day of my life! Can't you see I'm trying to help you avoid the same mistake? Damn it, Billie, put aside that goddamned pride of yours and go home. Cat needs you, Sky needs you ... they all do. You will never be needed more by anyone else in your entire life - don't you know that? For Christ's sake Billie, don't let your daughter die thinking her mother deserted her!" Laurel walked back to the desk and picked up her clutch. Approaching a dazed Billie once more, she said, " I will never get the chance to right my wrong, Billie, but if the gods are willing, you have the chance to avoid yours. Don't blow it. I am going home now to take the children to the park for a few hours. You need to decide for yourself what to do, but it had better be a decision you can live with for the rest of your life." That said, she turned on her heel and left, slamming the office door behind her.

**********

Billie sat there, holding the side of her face. She couldn't believe Laurel slapped her. She was even more amazed that she didn't see it coming. You're getting old, Charland, a voice taunted her ... or maybe you let her do it because you know she's right, said another voice. Billie stared straight ahead, replaying her mother's words over and over in her mind. Cat needs you, Sky needs you ... they all do ... You will never be needed more by anyone else in your entire life - don't you know that?.... it had better be a decision you can live with for the rest of your life ... you know she's right ... you know she's right ... you know she's right ...

Billie jumped to her feet and headed for the door. Walking quickly through the outer office, she said to Deb as she passed her desk, "Cancel all my meetings. I'll be gone for the rest of the day." Moments later, she was in her car, desperate to get home to Cat.

Pulling the car to a screeching halt in the driveway, Billie jumped out and ran into the house. Cat was in the kitchen putting the milk back into the refrigerator. "Billie!" she said, surprised to see the tall women there. "You just missed the kids. Laurel ..."

"Took them to the park - I know. Cat, I'm here to see you," Billie said, stopping directly in front of the smaller woman.

Cat looked up at her, a mixture of love, anxiety and expectation on her face. "Billie?" she said reaching up, "what happened to your face?"

Billie placed her hands on both sides of Cat's face and looked into the emerald green pools. "I ran into someone smarter than me Cat," she began. "But never mind that for now. Cat, I have been such a fool. You begged for my love and forgiveness last night and I let my pride get in the way of accepting your apology. Cat, I couldn't let myself forgive you so fast. I was afraid of being hurt again, afraid of sending the message that it's okay to step on my heart. Damn it Cat, I love the girls like they are my own ... when you pulled rank on me over Skylar ... gods, Cat, I thought I had lost everything I loved in this world. It tore my heart out," she said, dropping her hands and walking away to compose herself, turning her back on the smaller woman. With her back to Cat, she continued. "Cat, I will accept nothing less than equal parentage. I have been there from the beginning with Sky ... I saw you through the pregnancy, I cut the cord, I have been there for her from the first breath she took. I love her, Cat. I love her and Tara like they came from me." Turning to face Cat again, she continued. "I love you Cat ... with all my heart, but I need to feel that this family is mine ... I don't know any other way to explain it Cat ... they are my children too. If you can't understand that, then there is no hope for us." Billie concluded.

Cat dropped her chin to her chest, feeling very low and unworthy of Billie's love. "Billie, I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me ... no, that's not true ... I do know," she said. Approaching Billie, she wrapped her arms around her wife's waist and rested her head on Billie's chest. "Billie, I was jealous. Do you believe it? I was jealous of my own daughter. Jealous of the time and attention you gave her. And I was scared as well. I felt so out of control. Other people were making decisions about Sky ... the doctors, you ... I felt like I had no control and so I put my foot down. Unfortunately, I put it down on the wrong person." Cat turned her head and placed a delicate kiss in the hollow of Billie throat where her collarbones met. "I was wrong, Billie. I know now that I could no more ask you to give up the children, than to ask you to stop breathing. Your love and devotion to those three children is a big part of why I love you so much. I was wrong, Billie, please forgive me," she said.

Billie drew Cat close to her. "Gods, Cat, I do forgive you. I love you and the children so much. I want to come home, Cat," she said passionately.

Cat placed her hands on top of Billie's. Fighting the tears, she said, "Look around you Billie. You are home. Please don't ever leave again, love."

Lowering her head, Billie's lips met and held Cat's in a fiery kiss ... a kiss that left them both breathless and wanting more. Within seconds, Billie had backed Cat up against the refrigerator, pressing her into the door.

"Billie, I need you," Cat panted. "Make love to me, please. I have missed you so much."

Lowering her head once more, Billie planted tiny kisses across Cat's mouth, jaw and neck, causing little moans and whines to escape the smaller woman's throat, each sound fueling the fire burning within Billie's core.

"Cat," she said hoarsely into her wife's neck, "oh gods, I want you, and I've missed you too - so much."

"Take me, Billie, please," Cat begged.

Reaching under the smaller woman's knees, Billie scooped her up and made her way through the living room and up the stairs to their bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them.

Laying her precious cargo gently on the bed, Billie lowered the entire length of her body on top of Cat's. Cat's chin was lifted toward the ceiling, head pressed back into the mattress as she gave Billie access to her neck. Loud moans of pleasure escaped her lips as Billie nipped and sucked on her sensual pleasure points.

"Oh ... gods .... Billie ... please ... I can't wait," Cat pleaded as she tried to forcefully remove Billie's clothing.

Billie grabbed her hands and pinned them to the bed above her head. "Oh no, no, no, no, no. Patience, my love, patience," she said to the squirming woman. "I want to see you, to feel you. Please, I have missed being close to you, Cat."

While holding Cat's hands captive with her own, Billie proceeded to undress her wife using just her teeth, making little growling noises like a puppy playing with a rag doll; shaking her head side to side as she captured Cat's T-shirt between her teeth, somehow managing to pull it over her head. Placing both of Cat's hands in one of hers, Billie reached beneath the frustrated woman and released the catch on her bra, allowing two generous mounds to escape from their prison.

Cat was so turned on, she couldn't stand it. Becoming angry with the length of time it was taking to reach fulfillment, she shouted at Billie, "Damn it, Billie. Please, I need you!"

Billie lifted her head and looked at Cat, suddenly amused by the depth of desire and desperation in her wife's voice. With her free hand, she took Cat's chin and turned her face toward her. Cat eyes were closed.

"Cat," Billie whispered. Open you eyes for me, love. I want you to see the depth of my love while I make love to you," she said as she placed delicate kisses across her lips.

Cat's eyes remained closed.

Smiling at her wife's stubbornness, Billie slid her hands down the length of Cat's arms and across her breasts, cupping their fullness in her palms and gently squeezing the nipples while she continued to rain kisses across Cat's mouth and neck. Cat arched herself forward, moaning at the slight pain caused by the vice-like movement. "Gods, Billie," Cat said in a hoarse whisper.

Cat's hands found their way to the sides of Billie's head, threading her fingers into the dark hair and pulling her lover closer.

Pulling her head back slightly, Billie freed it from Cat's grasp. "Cat," she whispered again. "Open you eyes for me, love. See the burning desire I have for you in my eyes."

Cat's eyes still remained closed.

Billie leaned down at suddenly took one swollen nub into her mouth, biting it gently. The suddenness and intensity of the movement was so startling, Cat cried out, "Oh gods! Aahhh, Billie, please!" as a shudder wracked her body.

Cat was quivering with pent up desire, and nearly toppled over the edge when Billie repeated the gesture on the other breast. Cat arched her body upward, moaning loudly while Billie nipped and sucked. "Oh gods, Billie, harder!" Cat screamed as Billie more than happily accommodated her lover's request, sending her even higher into the realms of sexual ecstasy. Billie wasn't sure how much longer Cat would last. She had never seen her in this much need. She herself was near the edge just witnessing the pleasure she was bringing to Cat.

"Open your eyes for me, love. Look into my heart and see how much I love you," Billie whispered once more.

Eyes still closed, Cat strained to raise her upper body toward Billie, wanting desperately to be touched and caressed by the dark woman's mouth. Her body was out of control, wild with desire as her hips bucked up and down against the woman above her. "Billie, please, I need you. Take me, please," she begged.

Billie sat up, momentarily releasing Cat's hands as she pealed off her own blouse and bra, with more than a little help from Cat's roaming hands. Her slacks and panties followed.

Cat's hands were everywhere, desperate to touch, to feel, to connect. They had been apart for so long, all she wanted was to love and feel loved.

Billie captured Cat's hands once more and held them close to her heart and she sat in her position above Cat.

"Billie, let me touch you," Cat begged. "I need to feel you ... I need to know this is real."

Billie lowered her mouth to Cat's ear. "Open your eyes for me, love. See what you are doing to me, body and soul," Billie whispered.

Cat still refused to open her eyes. Billie sat up and smiled once more. I will win yet, my love, she thought.

Reaching down, she removed Cat's shorts and panties, placing butterfly kisses across Cat's abdomen, causing Cat to arch herself closer to Billie's mouth.

"Billie, please," Cat begged, her body convulsing with pre-orgasmic spasms. "I can't ... wait any ... longer," she said, tears of frustration running down the sides of her face.

Billie lowered her self between Cat's legs. Looking up at Cat, she whispered hoarsely, "Open your eyes for me, love. Watch me worship at your altar as I devour your love."

Cat's eyes snapped open, upon which, Billie immediately dove into her core with wild abandon, nipping, sucking and teasing Cat's pleasure point while filling her completely with three long digits. Within seconds of entry, Cat was screaming Billie's name, her body convulsing out of control. Tears streamed down her face as a second wave of orgasmic pleasure ripped through her body, long before the first had a chance to subside.

"Billie, please. Turn around for me, love. Let me love you," Cat begged as soon as she had regained enough coherency to speak.

Billie positioned her self above Cat. She was so near the edge from the pure enjoyment she had brought Cat, that her climax was nearly self induced as Cat buried three of her own digits deep within Billie's core, capturing her pleasure point between her teeth, and sucking it deeply into her mouth. Adding a fourth sent Billie over the edge. The convulsions that wracked Billie's body were stronger than any she had felt in her life as Cat's name rang from her lips, over and over again in a chorus of love.

Moments later, they lay spent as Billie reached over and gathered Cat into her arms. Reaching down, she pulled the sheet over their sweat-soaked bodies.

Cat lifted her head and kissed Billie gently. "I love you," she said weakly. "Welcome home."

"I love you too, Kitten," Billie said as she planted a tender kiss on Cat's forehead and drifted off to sleep.

**********

Billie was awakened by a small body sitting on top of her.

"What the h...." Billie started to exclaim until she saw the intruder was Skylar. "Sweetheart," she said, "be careful not to wake Mama. She's really, really tired," Billie whispered to the child.

"Sky!" came a voice from the doorway. "Sky, come out of there," the voice said again.

Billie lifted herself onto her elbows and looked toward the door, the movement causing the sheet to fall to a spot just above her breasts. Laurel was standing there, gesturing for the five year old to come with her, giving her mothers some much needed rest and privacy. Billie smiled as Skylar kissed her then scrambled off the bed to join her grandmother.

"Sorry," Laurel said as she pulled the door shut.

"Mom!" Billie said, effectively stopping the door from closing. Laurel looked back into the room, smiling ear to ear, acknowledging Billie's choice of titles for her. "Thank you," she said, "for everything," she added before laying down and gathering Cat up in her arms once more.

"You're welcome, baby, you're welcome," Laurel said as she closed the door.

***********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XV

Cat and Billie were awakened the next morning by a piercing scream coming from Skylar's room. Jumping out of bed and throwing T-shirts and boxers over their naked bodies, the two women ran to their daughter's room, only to be confronted by a nightmare. Skylar was sitting in the middle of her bed, covered in blood. There was blood everywhere ... on the bed, the pillow, on Skylar's clothing, and all over their daughter's face and arms.

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod, Cat, What do we do?" Billie asked, near hysterics.

"Billie, fill the tub with warm water. We need to find out where the blood is coming from," Cat shouted as she tried to calm the screaming child. By this time, the rest of the household was awake and gathering in Skylar's room. Tara started to cry at the sight, clinging to Seth, who just stood there in wide-eyed horror.

Laurel was the last one to join them, having come from down stairs. "Dear Lord," she said when she entered the room.

Billie came back from the bathroom across the hall and saw the mortified gathering in Skylar's room. Turning to Laurel, she said, "Mom, please take Seth and Tara downstairs. They don't need to see this."

Laurel acknowledged that Billie was right as she led her two older grandchildren out of the room.

Cat had stripped Skylar of her pajamas and quickly examined her, not finding the source of the bleeding beneath her clothing. Scooping her up in strong arms, Billie carried the naked child across the hall and gently lowered her into the tub of warm water, where both she and Cat started to wash away the blood, hoping to find the source quickly. After another quick examination, it was obvious that the bleeding was coming from the upper body, so Billie reached over and turned the shower on to allow the spray to gently rinse the blood from Skylar's face and hair. It soon became apparent that the bleeding was coming from Skylar's nose and mouth.

Grabbing a clean white towel, Cat held it to Skylar's nose and tilted the child's head back. "Billie, call Melanie, quickly," she said. "Tell her what's happened. I'll dress Sky. We're going to the hospital," she added.

Moments later, Cat, Billie and Skylar were on their way to the emergency room, to be met there by Dr. Holder.

**********

Several hours later, Skylar was tucked into a hospital bed, sedated to keep her from trashing about and reopening the clots in her nose and gums. They had to perform platelet apheresis on Cat in order to collect enough platelets quickly to stop the bleeding. For two hours, Cat sat connected to a blood cell separator, while blood was drawn from one arm and spun through the machine, during which platelets were collected before returning the plasma to Cat's other arm. Upon collection of the platelets from Cat's blood, they were able to use them immediately to stem the flow of blood from Skylar's nose and mouth.

Cat sat by Skylar's bedside, holding her hand, as Billie paced back and forth across the room. "Damn! Where is she?" Billie swore impatiently.

Just then, Dr. Holder entered the room. "Melanie," Billie said, approaching her. "What the hell happened here?" she asked desperately.

Melanie looked sadly at Billie, then took her arm and led her to a chair next to Cat. Sitting down in a chair opposite them, she looked at the women and said, "The leukemia is back."

"No!" Cat exclaimed.

"What do you mean, it's back?" Billie demanded.

"Billie, please calm down. It appears that the leukemia has relapsed. The nosebleed was due to a lack of platelets. She's feverish again, indicating another infection. Her ANC count is at 250. The leukemia is back. I'm sorry," Melanie said.

Cat reached for Billie's hand. "What about abnormal cell growth, Melanie?" Cat asked.

Melanie nodded her head. "Rapid," she answered. "Not only is the leukemia back, but it is aggressively attacking her system. I'm sorry," she said again.

Billie rose to her feet. "You're sorry? You're sorry? Is that it? Just, You're sorry? Our child is dying and you're sorry!" Billie exclaimed.

"Billie, please," Cat said, pulling her back down into her seat.

Reaching out, Cat touched Melanie's arm. "Melanie, there must be something we can do," she said.

Melanie looked back and forth between the two women. "There is one thing we can do, but it takes time ... time I'm not sure we have," she said.

"What is it?" Cat asked, trying desperately to keep a very tense Billie under control by squeezing her hand.

"Bone marrow transplant," Melanie replied. "It may work, but only if we can find a compatible donor in time."

**********

"Compatible donor? Do you mean someone genetically compatible?" Cat asked.

"Yes, we need a donor whose human leukocyte antigens, or HLA typing is genetically matched, or at the very least, similar," Melanie explained.

"Shouldn't Cat's be similar? She is her mother, after all," Billie suggested.

"Cat certainly is a potential donor, Billie, but it's rare that a parent is suitable. Siblings are more likely choices, and if she had an identical twin, it would be a perfect match," Melanie said.

"So, Seth or Tara could be matches?" Cat asked.

Melanie nodded. "It's possible, Cat." Looking at Billie, Dr. Holder asked, "Seth is your son, right Billie?"

"Yes he is, but before you rule him out as being just a step brother, you need to know that Seth and Sky have the same father," Billie explained.

Dr. Holder raised her eyebrows in question. "Let me get this straight," she said. "Tara and Skylar belong to you, right Cat?" Cat responded by nodding. "And Seth belongs to you, Billie ... However, Sky and Seth have the same father. What am I missing here?" she asked.

Cat spoke up. "Let's just say that Seth's father and I had an encounter, the likes of which, I'd rather forget. The only good thing to come of it was Skylar," she explained.

"Well, this lessens the odds," Melanie said, rising to her feet and pacing back and forth.

"What do you mean," Cat asked.

"Well, I thought Sky and Tara were full blooded siblings. It appears that she is only a half sister to both Tara and Seth. That lessens the chance that Tara will be a close enough match," she explained.

Billie frowned. "But it is still possible that Seth or Tara could be matches, right?" she asked.

"Yes, it is possible," the doctor replied.

"Then let's stop wasting time and do whatever is necessary to find out," Billie insisted, Cat nodding in agreement.

"All right then. When can you have the children here for testing?" Melanie asked.

"I'll go home to get them now, if that's soon enough," Billie replied eagerly.

"That's plenty soon enough," Dr. Holder replied. "Oh, you need to know that being a donor is not an easy process. There will be some risk involved, and some pain. I want to make sure that both of your older children understand that, and are willing to endure it," she warned.

Billie and Cat exchanged worried glances. "Risks?" Cat asked.

"Minor risks, such as infection, or potential health issues if the donor is not clinically healthy enough to donate," the doctor explained.

Cat maintained eye contact with Melanie as she spoke over her shoulder to Billie. "Billie," she said. "Please go get the children. We'll discuss the procedure with them when they get here. Okay love?" she added, turning her head to face her wife.

Billie leaned down to place a tender kiss on Cat's lips. "I'll be back within a half hour, all right? See you in a bit," she added before hastily leaving the room.

**********

Cat laid down on her side next to her baby girl as she waited for Billie and the kids to return. Skylar slept peacefully in a sedated haze, oblivious to the gut wrenching decisions being made around her. Cat had one arm stretched out across the pillow above Skylar's head, her own head resting on the bicep as she reached over with the other hand and traced a pattern down the side of her daughter's cheek.

Leaning in, Cat kissed her tenderly, then whispered in her ear, "Fight, little one. Fight to stay with us. Mommy and I need you, love bug. Brother and Sister need you too. Our lives would be empty without our baby girl. Please fight, sweetheart. We love you so much my little Sky-bird. Please don't fly away from us." Cat leaned in once more, kissing the child's cheek and watching a tear fall into her face. Reaching up, she wiped her tears dry, then kissed away the errant drop that had fallen on the baby's cheek.

"Cat," said a voice from the doorway.

Cat looked up to see Billie, Seth and Tara standing there, watching the tender scene before them. Cat looked at them through misty eyes. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"Mama, Skylar won't fly away. We won't let her, will we Seth?" Tara said, looked up at her brother.

Seth placed an arm around his little sister. "No, we won't let her," he agreed, his eyes never leaving Cat's.

Cat sat up on the bed and opened her arms to her children. Both of them ran into them and held her tight, promising to do what ever they could to help Skylar, while Billie leaned against the door frame, one hand covering her mouth to stifle the sobs that shook her shoulders.

**********

"All right," Dr. Holder said to Seth and Tara. "Both of you need to understand what will happen to you, and to your baby sister during these tests." Seth and Tara sat side by side on the edge of Skylar's bed, listening intently as Dr. Holder explained the procedure to them.

"Being a bone marrow donor is a big responsibility. We have to do many tests to see if your blood matches Sky's before we can use it, but first, we have to be sure that you are healthy. Do you understand so far?" Melanie asked. Receiving nods from both children, she continued. "Okay, We'll have to give you a physical, including a chest x-ray, blood work and urinalysis," she explained.

"Your-in-al-is-sis? What's that?" Tara asked.

Seth looked at his sister with a typical 'What a dumb girl!' expression and said, "They need to check your pee!"

"Ewwwwww!" Tara exclaimed, causing the three adults in the room to grin.

Forcing the grin from her face, Melanie continued. "Now, we'll have to take several tubes of blood from both of you to see if either of you matches Skylar. That means there will be needles involved. Think you can handle that?" she asked.

Seth puffed his chest out, very macho-like and nodded confidently. Tara sat there, a little green, her normal 'tough guy' attitude escaping her for the moment, but agreeing anyway, not wanting her brother to best her.

"Good," Melanie said, thinking to herself that Cat and Billie were blessed with two very special children. "All right," she continued. "It will take a few days before we have the results, but if either of you is a match for Skylar, you will have to have a small operation. A needle will be inserted into your hip bone and some of your bone marrow will be taken out." Melanie had retrieved a teaching aid from the hospital library on bone structure and was now showing the children where bone marrow was located, and just where on the body the needle would be inserted to extract the marrow. "When we have enough bone marrow, the needle will be taken out, and a bandage will be put over the wound. I won't lie to you and say it doesn't hurt, because it will, but only for a little while," she finished.

"Can we go home then?" Tara asked.

"You'll have to stay in the hospital over night, but you'll be able to go home the next day." Melanie explained.

"Do you have to cut Sky open to put the bone marrow in her?" Seth asked.

"No sweetie. The bone marrow will be injected into Sky's catheter tube, just like when Mama gives her the chemo medicine. She won't feel a thing," Melanie said.

Looking back and forth between the children, she asked, "Do either of you have any more questions?"

"I do," Tara said. "Can we catch leukemia too if we give Sky our bone marrow?"

Cat's eyes closed as she leaned into Billie, weak kneed at her daughter's question. Billie's arm tightened around Cat's shoulder as they awaited Melanie's answer.

"No, sweetheart. You will not catch leukemia by donating your bone marrow," Dr. Holder said before standing up and admiring both children. "I want you to know that what you are doing for your sister is a very brave and generous thing. You must love her very much to volunteer for this," she said, seeing both children nod their heads vigorously. "Well, Sky is very lucky to have such a wonderful brother and sister. You should be very proud of yourselves. I know your mom's are proud of you," she finished.

Seth and Tara both looked at Cat and Billie, who were smiling and nodding their agreement, loving filling their hearts and minds for these two brave children.

Just then, two technicians arrived in Skylar's room. Looking over at them, then back and the children, Dr. Holder reached her hands out and said, "Okay then. I guess its time to rock and roll."

Seth and Tara jumped off the edge of the bed and took Melanie's hands. Looking at Billie and Cat, Melanie said, "One of you should come along for this."

Cat immediately rose to her feet. "I'll go," she said. Bending over, she kissed Billie and said, "Skylar needs her Mommy right now ... and besides, I need to be tested as well. We'll be back soon, love."

Billie smiled and pulled Cat down for another kiss before letting her go. "Thank you Cat," she said under her breath as they left the room. Then, looking at her daughter lying helplessly on the bed, she reached out and took her hand, bringing it to her mouth and kissing it gently. "I think its more like, Mommy needs her Sky," she said to the sedated child.

**********

Two hours later, Cat returned to Skylar's room with Seth and Tara in tow, all three of them sporting a gauze bandage in the hollow of their elbow from the blood work. Stepping into Skylar's room, she found Billie fast asleep, stretched out next to the little girl, and holding the child in her arms. Motioning for them to be quiet, she directed Seth and Tara out of the room. After placing a gentle kiss on both her girl's cheeks, she left to take them home.

Cat stopped at the local creamie stand on the way home, treating the children to banana splits, all the while praising them for their efforts and bravery. "Have I told you guys how much I love you?" Cat asked.

"You mean in the last five minutes?" Seth said, sarcastically.

"Ah, come on ... I'm not that bad, am I? ... Well, am I?" she asked.

"Worse!" responded Tara, causing all three of them to laugh.

"Mom," Seth said suddenly. "What happens if none of us match Sky?"

Cat's brow drew into a frown. "Let's hope that doesn't happen, honey, but if it does, there is a National Marrow Donor Program that we can use to find a match. In fact, I think Mel... I mean, Dr. Holder is already checking into it, just in case," she explained.

"Why don't we use them in the first place?" Tara asked, scooping a large spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

"Because it takes a long time to find a donor from a program like that, and Dr. Holder is worried that Skylar is too sick to wait," Cat explained as delicately as she could.

"You mean Sky might die before we can find a donor?" Seth said, ever so perceptively.

Cat put her spoon down on the table and placed her hands in her lap. Looking at her son, she said, "We need to pray that it doesn't happen, Seth, but yes, it is possible that Sky ...." Cat said, breaking down before she could finish the sentence.

Seth reached out and covered Cat's hand with his own. "Ma, I said we won't let her fly away. I meant it. One of us will catch her, I just know we will," he said encouragingly.

**********

Cat arrived back at the hospital two hours later and found Billie sitting in a chair by the side of Skylar's bed, the chair turned so that she could rest her elbows on the bed and hold Skylar's small hand in both of hers. Billie was staring at the child's face, deep in thought when Cat walked in.

Without taking her eyes off Skylar, Billie addressed Cat. "They want to put her in isolation starting tomorrow, Cat," she said. "Melanie left just a few minutes ago after explaining what will happen over the next few weeks if one of you is a match for Sky. She left those papers for you to read," Billie said, indicating the pamphlet of papers on the bedside table.

Cat reached for the papers, but not before kissing Billie tenderly on the head. "I love you," she whispered, reaching for the papers and sitting on the edge of Skylar's bed next to Billie to scan them. Cat nodded her head repeatedly as she read. "It says here that she'll be in 'protective isolation'. That means she'll be confined to this room, and that visitors will have to be limited in number, and wear face masks to prevent the spread of germs. We also need to keep people away that have contagious conditions, such as colds, flus or other infectious diseases," she said, continuing to read. "Oh, wow, I guess we've got a start on this one," she commented, referencing the information on the next page. "Listen ... 'Before transplantation, your child will receive a conditioning treatment. This includes chemotherapy to destroy any remaining cancer cells, to suppress the immune system, and to prevent rejection of an allogeneic transplant.' Billie, that may speed up the treatment process. Sky has been receiving chemo treatments for several weeks now," she said hopefully.

"Cat, I suspect if anything delays treatment, it will be the search for a compatible donor," Billie commented.

Reaching out to touch the side of Billie's face with her palm, Cat said, "Billie, I am praying that one of us is a match. I'm so worried about being too late to save her," Cat said, starting to choke up. "Do you know what Seth said on the way home? He said, 'Ma, we won't let her fly away. One of us will catch her, I just know we will.' Gods, Billie, I'm so worried," Cat cried.

Billie reached up and pulled Cat down across her lap, sitting back in the chair and holding the smaller woman close to her heart. Lowering her cheek to rest on top of Cat's head, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to cry with Cat, watching her baby sleep through the veil of tears that ran freely down her face.

***********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XVI

Sometime during the night, Skylar's condition worsened. Her fever skyrocketed to the point where she was attached to monitors that would alert the nurses of convulsion or seizure activity due to the high temperatures. Doses of acetaminophen were administered at regular intervals to attempt to lower her fever, very little of it having the desired effect as her temperature remained elevated throughout the night.

Cat and Billie stood by, clinging to each other in desperation as a near-steady stream of nurses and technicians tended to their daughter under the supervision of the doctor on call.

"Where the hell is Melanie?" Billie asked under her breath at 2 am.

"Billie, she has to sleep sometime. Look, Dr. Caldwell is doing everything he can, given the circumstances. He has an entire wing of patients to tend to throughout the night. We can't expect him to spend all his time with Skylar," Cat explained.

"Well, I can," Billie said a little more gruffly than intended. Walking a few feet away, she turned back and saw the hurt expression on Cat's face. "Cat, I'm sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around her wife and resting her chin on her head. "I'm just so tired, and so scared. I'm saying things I don't mean," she said.

After another round of checks, Billie and Cat were once again alone with their daughter. Cat took the clipboard down from the hook on the wall and looked at the most recent entries, shaking her head side to side. "They haven't touched her fever, Billie," she said. Hanging it back up, she approached Skylar's bedside and leaned down over the child to kiss her on the forehead. That's when she noticed Skylar's irregular breathing.

Cat's head snapped up as she frowned at Billie, then lowered her ear to the child's chest. "Oh my gods," she said, looking around frantically for a stethoscope, finally finding one hanging with the blood pressure cuff. Raising Skylar's gown, she listened carefully to the child's chest. "Billie, get me the clipboard, please," she said. Within seconds, it was in her hands as she shuffled through the pages.

"Cat, what is it?" Billie asked, her mind in a near-panic state.

Checking the entries made throughout the night, Cat found what she was looking for. "Gods, Billie ... rapid breathing, fever, chest congestion, glossy eyes ... Billie, call Melanie. I don't care if you have to get her out of bed. Skylar has pneumonia. With her low blood cell counts, the infection will kill her if we don't deal with this now," Cat exclaimed, listening to Skylar's chest once more while Billie ran out of the room and down the hall to the nurse's station.

Cat could hear the commotion down the hall as Billie argued with the head nurse about calling Melanie. Finally, under the threat of bodily harm, she did just that, connecting Melanie through the phone lines into Skylar's room. Billie slid into Skylar's room just as the phone rang. "That's Dr. Holder," Billie said as Cat reached for the phone.

"Melanie," Cat said as she picked up the phone.

"Cat, I know you wouldn't be calling at this ungodly hour unless it was important. What's wrong," Melanie said.

"Sky has pneumonia," Cat informed her.

"Shit!" came the unexpected response from the normally composed doctor. "I'll be right there," she said.

Not more than 15 minutes later, Melanie flew into the room, still wearing pieces of her bed clothes. Taking the stethoscope from Cat, she listened to Skylar's chest, then quickly flipped through the entries on her chart. Throwing the chart down on the foot of the bed, she said, "God damn it!" then rushed out of the room.

"Cat, what's happening?" Billie asked.

"Melanie is happening, Billie," Cat said. "She'll straighten this out."

Moments later, two technicians appeared and started wheeling Skylar's bed out of the room.

"Where are you going with her?" Billie demanded.

"Intensive Care. Dr. Holder's order," he said.

Cat and Billie followed Skylar's bed down the hall, but were stopped short at the entrance to the ICU. Melanie approached them from her position at the ICU desk.

"I'm sorry, but considering Sky's suppressed immune system, and present state of health, I can't allow you to go in there," she said.

"Not go in there? Melanie, how can you expect us to honor that?" Cat asked.

Melanie took Cat by the shoulders. "Cat, you may have saved her life tonight, buy discovering the pneumonia. Don't be foolish enough to take her chances away again by going in there and bringing germs with you. She's very susceptible to catching anything that comes her way right now. Look, I've ordered an intensive regime of antibiotics to fight the infection. We'll see how she is later ... then maybe you can see her. Until then, we'll keep her sedated so she's unaware of your absence, but you have to promise me that you'll get no closer than this window until it is safe for her again, okay?"

"Listen to her, Cat," Billie said, stepping up behind Cat and wrapping her arms around her wife. Cat nodded her head to the doctor as they stood and watched her daughter being hooked up to various life support monitors.

"Melanie," Cat said, suddenly becoming alarmed again. "That is a respirator they're hooking her up to. Is she that congested?" she demanded.

"Cat, when you diagnosed pneumonia a while ago, she was very close to taking her last few unassisted breaths. She'll need help breathing for a while. Even with the antibiotics, there is no reason to force her body to work so hard to stay alive," Melanie explained.

Finally, the beehive of activity around Skylar died down as each technician left the room. Soon, Skylar was there alone, behind the glass wall, breathing with the help of a machine, hooked up to various hoses and wires, all designed to alert the nurses in the event her frail body decided to give up the fight.

Cat and Billie stood there, outside the room, with their faces pressed up against the glass, hearts tearing from their chests at the sight of their baby so helplessly ill.

**********

"Daddy," Cat said weakly into the phone. "Daddy, my baby is dying and I can't do anything to fix it," Cat cried as she leaned against the pay phone. Billie sat on the floor next to the phone, her back against the wall, knees bent, supporting her elbows, which were in turn, supporting her head in her hands. She was crying as she listened to Cat talk to her father.

"Daddy, I can't. I can't call them. Please don't ask me to," Cat begged. Billie looked up at her, confusion etched into her face.

"All right, Billie and I will be right here. No! We're not leaving, Daddy ... I don't care that we haven't slept or eaten. Damn it! Skylar is dying. Don't you understand? Nothing else matters ... nothing else. All right. Good bye," Cat said as she hung up the phone, then sank down onto her knees in front of the pay phone.

Billie reached over and pulled Cat into her arms. "What did he want you to do, Cat. Who can't you call?" Billie asked, her voice hoarse with emotion.

Cat covered her mouth with both hands and began to cry uncontrollably. Billie held her closer. "Cat, baby, talk to me. Please," Billie begged.

"Billie, he wanted met to call ... Oh gods.... to call a priest to administer the last rights," Cat said. "He was crying, Billie. He said he wanted to be sure his baby angel went to heaven. Oh gods, Billie, I can't call ... I can't."

"No!" Billie said loudly and adamantly. "No! .... No! She's still with us Cat, please don't, " Billie begged, tears now falling uncontrollably from her own eyes.

Cat wrapped her arms around Billie's head and drew it in close to her heart. Kissing her dark hair, Cat said, "I won't, Billie. I promise."

**********

Billie sat on the bench outside the ICU, feet planted firmly on the floor, eyes staring straight ahead as Cat laid on the bench beside her, her head resting on Billie's thigh, Billie's hand randomly rubbing her back as she slept.

Melanie stopped by and squatted down on her heels beside Billie. Looking up, she saw Billie's tortured soul mirrored in her eyes. "Billie, you need some rest too. Go home, sleep. I'll call you the second Sky's condition changes for the better or worse, okay?" she asked.

Billie blinked once and looked at Melanie. "No," she said. "I can't leave her,"

"You'll be no good for her if you're dead on your feet Billie," Melanie pointed out.

"I can't leave her, Mel, I can't," Billie repeated.

Melanie nodded and stood up again. "Will you drink a cup of coffee if I bring it to you?" she asked.

Billie nodded. "Bring one for Cat too. She'll be waking up soon," Billie said.

"All right. I'll be back soon," Melanie said as she walked away, worried about these two women who had become more like friends than clients to her. She worried that they had not left the hospital in several days. Worried that the only help they allowed themselves was the presence of their mothers and their friend Jen, who came to sit with and comfort them on a periodic basis In fact, Mel was convinced that without their help, these women would have lost their minds by now. Cat and Billie had a network of strong women around them, women who willingly shared their pain and suffering, strictly out of love for them. Melanie envied them such warm, loving relationships.

Cat stirred beside Billie. Looking down, Billie noted the dark shallow look to Cat's eyes. "Hi," she said. "Did you sleep well?" Billie asked.

Cat looked up at her blankly for a moment, then nodded. Forcing herself into a seated position she leaned into Billie and rested her head on the taller woman's shoulder. "I'm so tired, Billie. Tired of the waiting ... tired of not being able to touch her and hold her. Damn it, Billie, it's been nearly three days since they confined her to ICU. I can't take much more of this," she admitted.

Billie kissed Cat on the temple. "I know, love. I know," she said as Melanie approached them once more carrying two cups of hot coffee, handing them over to the distraught women.

After thanking the doctor for the coffee, Cat looked at her and asked. "When can we go in to see her, Melanie? I need to hold her ... she needs us to hold her. Please," Cat pleaded.

Before Melanie could reply, a nurse approached her with a folder. "Thank you," Melanie told the nurse as she opened the folder in her lap and proceeded to read the lab report on top. Melanie closed the folder, then looked at the two women. "I'm not sure which god or gods you pray to, but someone was listening. We have a match - Seth,"

"Oh my gods," Cat said, starting to shake uncontrollably. Melanie had all she could do to get the two cups of coffee out of the women's hands before they flew into each other's arms, clinging to this one hope for dear life.

Melanie hated to burst their bubble, but she didn't want them to hold on to false hope either. "Ah... Ladies. Cat, Billie, you need to know something," she said, finally getting their attention. "Skylar's condition is critical. Her body has not been able to fight off infection for a long time now. The level of toxicity is high. We normally do not introduce healthy bone marrow tissue into such a damaged body, but we have no choice with Sky. If we don't do something soon, the life support systems she is currently on will fail to do their jobs. However, in her weakened condition, this treatment may not work. I am telling you this, because I want to be honest with you. I don't want you to think this is a cure-all. In her condition, there is a high probability that it may fail," Dr. Holder explained.

Cat sat up straight and wiped her eyes. "Melanie, are you telling us that there's no hope. That Sky will probably die anyway?" she asked.

"No, Cat. There is always hope," Mel said as Billie rose from the bench and headed down the hall.

"Billie, where are you going," Cat asked.

"I'm going home to get Seth," she said. "He has a Sky-bird to catch."

Cat completely broke down and lost it at her wife's words, falling into Melanie's arms and crying like a baby while Billie continued to walk down the hall.

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EPILOGUE

Billie sat on the front porch steps, looking out over the lawn. The grass needs cutting again, she thought. There never seems to be enough time to enjoy life before it's gone ... swept away ... forever lost. Looking around again, she tried hard to convince herself to get the lawn mower out. Ah, what's the point anyway? It will just grow back again - twice as fast.

"Billie," Cat called out from the screen door. "I thought you were going to mow the lawn?"

Billie hung her head. She just had no motivation lately. No desire to do anything but sit and veg out. I have learned to take each day as it comes, she thought. Life's too short to worry about things like mowing the grass and clipping the hedges and paying the bills.

"Billie!" Cat scolded.

"All right ... all right, I'll do it!" Billie said, rising to her feet.

"And when you're done, please fix the swing set. You've been meaning to do that for weeks now," Cat reminded her.

Mow the lawn ... fix the swing set ... Cat, you're becoming quite the .... No - Billie, don't go there - you'll only get yourself in trouble. Damn, I should have fixed the swing set earlier, but there was no real reason to. Tara is 11 now, and a little too big. Seth, at 13, wouldn't be caught dead near the swing set. And Sky ... well, Sky has been gone for a while now. There's been no rush, she thought. Where are those kids anyway - Seth ought to be mowing the lawn ... Oh yeah, I gave them permission to go swimming at Jen's, she remembered.

"Hi Billie!" Jen's cheery voice rang out. "What are you up to?" she asked her tall friend.

"Go ask the dictator in there," Billie said, referring to Cat. "Mow the lawn, fix the swing set... Geesh!" Billie complained.

"Well, you really should fix the swing set, Billie. It has been broken for a while now." Jen observed.

"It's unused Jen. Why fix it?" Billie reasoned.

"Well, you never know when you'll need it again," Jen answered. Seeing the sad look on her friend's face, she put an arm around her shoulder and said, "You miss her, don't you?"

"She's my baby, Jen. How can I not miss her?" Billie said, tearing up.

"Well, she's in a happy place right now, Billie. Keep that in mind," Jen said.

"I know, Jen. It's just hard. I miss her so much," Billie explained.

"We all do, Billie, we all do," Jen said. "Look, I'm going to go see if Cat needs any help in the house okay?" Jen said, wanting to leave Billie to her own sulking.

Billie sat down hard on the stairs again. So much had happened in the last nine months. Her mother went home shortly after the first bone marrow transplant, so she wasn't around for the worst of it. At least the rift between us has been healed, she thought to herself.

Again, Billie thought about all that had changed. They had all endured a lot of pain and anguish over the past several months ... the bone marrow transplant, the weeks and months of repeated transplants and chemotherapy, hoping the treatments had worked. Weeks and months of vomiting, nausea, diarrhea and fatigue. Finally, when it looked like there was hope, Skylar developed Graft-Versus host Disease, a side effect of bone marrow transplant that attacks the skin, liver and intestines. Billie's heart broke at the thought of what her Sweet Angel had to live through. Then, finally, it was over. No more hospital, no more exams, no more treatments. And now she was gone.

Damn how I miss her, Billie thought. "I hope you can hear me Sweet Angel. I love you, baby," she said.

"I love you too Mommy," came a small voice next to Billie's ear.

Billie turned her head sharply. "Sky! You're home! Cat, Sky's home!" Billie yelled toward the house. Standing up, she scooped the child up into her arms and swung her around in a circle, hugging her close and showering her face with kisses.

"Oh, Sky, baby, I missed you so much. Why are you home early?" she asked.

"She's not home early, Billie," Cat said, stepping out onto the porch, with Jen right behind her. "The van-pool just dropped her off, right on schedule. For some reason, you thought she'd be home next week instead of today. You've been so down since she's been gone, I thought it would be a nice surprise for you," Cat said referring to her daughter's 'early' arrival from camp Kwinisaki... a camp for current and former leukemia patients.

Settling Skylar on her left hip, Billie climbed the front porch steps and grabbed Cat around the waist, pulling her into a bear hug. "Surprise isn't the word for it ... shock is more like it," she said, kissing Cat passionately and whispering the words 'I'll thank you 'proper-like' later', before releasing her and turning her attentions back to the child. "So Rugrat, how was camp?" she asked.

"It was a a lot of fun! There were horses, and clowns, and coloring, and swimming and, kickball, and ....." the child droned on and on as Billie walked around the yard with her, intently listening to every word. Never again would she take life for granted.

THE END

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NOTE TO READERS:

Leukemia is a very curable disease, especially in children. It is true, that with the proper treatment 72% of the children afflicted by this disease survive. It is a disease of the bone marrow and blood. In a healthy body, blood cells are produced to fight infection (white cells), clot the blood (platelets) and carry oxygen throughout the body (red cells). The body produces immature blood cells, that automatically develop into the type of cell needed to meet a particular situation (red/white/platelet). With leukemia, the immature blood cells are abnormal and confused about their purpose, and therefore unable to develop into the proper defense mechanism for the body. As a result, they accumulate and basically 'veg out' in the bone marrow, resulting in a lack of proper levels of red, white, and platelet cells in the body to distribute oxygen, fight infection and clot blood. Because the body's immune system has lost its effectiveness, a person with leukemia is at great risk of illness due to the body's inability to fight off disease and infection.

I am not a doctor, nor do I claim to know everything about this disease, so please don't mistaken my thoughts, nor this story for sound medical advice. Again, this disease is highly treatable. For those of you who are, or know of someone suffering from this disease, please seek out the proper treatment. You have a very good chance for survival. For more information about leukemia and its treatments, visit http://www.patientcenters.com - Childhood Leukemia Centers.

May the gods be with you....

kd