DISCLAIMERS:

COPYRIGHT: Billie and Cat are copyright by kd bard. Character or name resemblance to 'real' people living or dead is coincidental. Download it, share it with your friends, but please include the disclaimers!

SUBTEXT: This story is about two women who are committed to a caring and loving relationship, including expressions of physical love. If this type of love offends you, or if love is illegal where you live, my sincerest sympathies.

VIOLENCE: None

KLEENEX RATING: None

TIME LINE/CONTINUITY: This is the eighteenth installment in a modern day Uber-Xena series, starting with "The 'Commitment'" and followed by "A Family in Blood," "Personal Preferences," "Fighting City Hall," "Visions in Paradise," "What's In A Name?" "Promise Me Paradise," "While I Was Gone ...,", "Unchained Memories," "Happy Campers - NOT!" "At Loose Ends," "On Solid Ground," "Sweet Angel," "You Can Choose Your Friends, But...", "For Better Or For Worse", "Tailspin, and "Flash Point". Since this is a continuous series, there are events mentioned within that will not make much sense if you haven't read them all in order. The complete series, along with a variety of other works, can be found on my home page at http://homepages.together.net/~warriorx/WebPage.htm.

SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS: As many of you have pointed out, I have put the Charland clan through some tough times of late - and you're right... they need a break! So sit back and enjoy!

SPECIAL DISCLAIMER: There were no chickens harmed in the writing of this story.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I strongly believe that love is love, regardless of how it is packaged, so please don't flame me for believing in something so wonderful. If however, you'd like to let me know what you think of the story - you can reach me at warriorx@together.net. A very big thank you to my wonderful beta readers ... Mom, Ili, and my lovely wife, Marni. I really appreciate it. Finally, a big thank you to those who graciously host my stories and provide a forum for my expression. :-)

Udder Nonsense

By: kd bard

Started 12/16/03

Finished xx/xx/04

CHAPTER I

Cock-a-doodle-do!!!! Cock-a-doodle-do!!!!

"Billie!.... Billie - wake up. It's time to milk the cows," Cat said as she nudged the woman sleeping by her side.

"Uhhmmmmfffff," came the reply.

"Billie! The cows are gonna burst if you don't get yerself out of bed!" Cat persisted.

"I don't wanna get up. I'm tired," Billie whined.

"Well, I'm tired too, but you knew what you were gettin' into when you bought this damned farm. Now get 'cher self movin', woman!" the red head reprimanded.

Billie reluctantly pushed herself upright on the bed and threw her legs over the side. Resting her forearms on her thighs, she leaned forward and hung her head low, allowing her long dark hair to completely hide her face. "Damned cows," she mumbled under her breath. "Why can't they learn to milk themselves? If I wanted to pull teats all morning, I'd stay in bed with you! Them beauties of yours beat Bessie's old leathery teats any day!"

Cat, who had risen and was in the process of putting her housecoat on during Billie's tirade, stopped short. "Billie Charland!" she exclaimed, hands on her hips. "Must you always compare me to the cows? You got better teats.... you got nicer legs... your ass ain't as bony. Geesh! You are spending way too much time in the barn!" she scolded.

"Yer right," Billie replied, flopping backward onto the bed. "I guess I should go back to sleep, then."

"Oh no you don't," Cat said, picking up a pillow and throwing it at the prone woman. "Get yerself out to that barn and take care of them cows. I need some milk to make breakfast. I'll go get the young'uns up to help," she ordered as she left Billie alone to fret about her exciting start to the day.

**********

"Mom? Wanna tell me again why we bought this farm?" Seth asked as he shoveled a pitch fork full of soiled hay into the manure pile.

Billie was sitting on a three-legged stool, trying her best to squeeze enough milk from the cow for breakfast. Looking up, she answered her son. "We bought the farm to give you and your sisters a break from the city, Scout," she explained before turning her attention back to the reluctant cow. "You fat piece of sh.... Damn it! Gimme some milk or yer gonna be dinner!" she cursed at the animal.

"What was wrong with the city?" Seth persisted with his questions.

"Too much crime. Too dangerous. Mama and I thought we all needed a break," Billie explained.

"Ewwww! I don't know what crawled up inside Bessie and died, but this stuff is bad enough to gag a maggot!" Seth complained once more before returning to the subject at hand. "I don't think Mama is crazy about living here," he observed.

"What's not to like?" Billie asked. "We've got everything we need right here. We grow our own food, raise our own meat, collect our own eggs, and even draw our own milk - that is, when this overgrown sirloin steak decides to cooperate!" Billie explained, her voice rising a few octaves on the last statement while directly addressing the bovine in front of her. "So what makes you think Mama doesn't like it here?" she added.

"Well, she was trying to draw water from the pump yesterday and somehow managed to soak herself from head to foot while she was at it. She cursed pretty loudly about outdoor plumbing, smelly barns and backwoods living. She was pretty dang mad," Seth explained.

Billie focused on the small squirts of milk that were slowly accumulating in the bottom of the bucket as she listened to her son. "Well, she's just a city girl at heart. It's quite a change for her, going from the luxury of running water, electricity and convenience stores to self reliance. She'll get used to it after a while," she replied.

"She also misses the shopping. She was saying that the general store only sells potato sacks for dresses," Seth added.

Finally satisfied that she had enough milk for breakfast, Billie pushed her stool backward and stood up. Leaning her backside against Bessie, she pondered what her son had said. "Mama has a lot to learn about living on a farm. First, she's got to stop being afraid of the animals. She's even afraid to feed the chickens! Second, the smell is something we've all got to get used to. Face it - all these animals do is eat and sh... well, you know what I mean."

"It didn't help that she stepped into a huge cow pie yesterday either," Seth said, grinning from ear to ear.

Billie looked at the expression on her son's face and snorted loudly, startling Bessie, and causing the animal to jump sideways. Unable to catch her balance in time, Billie, who had been leaning against the animal, fell backward into the pile of manure-covered hay Seth was shoveling, spilling the contents of the milk bucket all over her.

Struggling to regain her composure and her dignity, Billie finally climbed back to her feet and shook off as much as the milk and manure as possible before turning to stare at the bovine. "Seth!" she shouted while still looking at the cow, "fetch the butcher!"

**********

"Billie, do you really have to wear those overalls when we come to town?" Cat asked as she caught a glimpse of their reflection in the general store's window.

"What's wrong with them?" Billie replied, looking down at her clothing.

"Well, for one, they're all stained... manure, chicken blood, and god knows what else," Cat observed. "... and secondly, you're a woman - don't you even wanna to look like one?" she asked.

Billie stood beside Cat looking at their reflection in the window. Cat was as beautiful as ever. Perfectly coifed hair, perfectly laundered and pressed gingham dress, brightly colored sweater, shiny pumps, sun bonnet and parasol. She was the epitome of a pampered southern belle. Billie on the other hand, wore stained bib-overalls, a flannel shirt with rolled up sleeves and shirt tails hanging out one side, work boots and her hair loosely tied with a piece of rawhide, topped by an old leather cowboy hat. "So... what's wrong with the way I look?" she asked sincerely.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? Billie, look at yourself! You look like a man with long hair. Ever since we bought this farm you've let yourself go. Look around, Billie. Everyone is looking at you. You're a lawyer for crying out loud. Don't you miss looking the part?" Cat ranted.

Billie did as Cat asked and looked around, noticing that they did indeed seem to be drawing stares from several passerbys, many of whom Billie tipped her hat to as they passed. One person in particular, who had been standing close enough to hear their conversation, warily approached them while removing his hat.

"Ah... excuse me ladies. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation." Addressing Cat, he continued. "Did I hear you say this fine lady is a lawyer?" he asked, referring to Billie.

"Yes. Yes she is, although you'd never know to look at her," Cat mumbled. "I'm sorry sir, but I didn't catch your name," she added.

"Stafford. James T. Stafford, at your service, Ma'am. I am the Mayor of this fine town," he said, introducing himself.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Stafford," Cat replied politely. "My name is Caitlain Charland, Cat for short, and this... this is Billie Charland," Cat said, making the introductions, intentionally omitting information regarding hers and Billie's relationship.

Billie looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Mr. Stafford looked back and forth between the ladies. "Charland," he said. "Are you sisters?"

Billie grinned at the double entendre while Cat quickly replied with, "Something like that."

"So, Miss Charland," he said, addressing Billie. "You are a lawyer."

"Yes I am, but I'm kind of taking a break from it right now. You see my wif.... I mean, my sister and I bought the McCoy farm a few months back and we're trying our hands at farming," she explained.

"I see. Well... I guess I won't bother you then," Mr. Stafford said, clearly disappointed. "Good day, ladies."

Cat, desperately wanting to distract Billie from this asinine farming idea of hers, was not about to allow this opportunity to pass them by. "Mr. Stafford," Cat said, effectively halting his retreat.

"Yes?" Stafford asked.

"May I ask sir, why you are in need of a lawyer?" Cat asked.

Clearly overjoyed that he had their attention once more, Stafford quickly removed his hat. "Well, I seem to have a bit of a problem. You see, someone is blackmailing me," he stated.

"Why?" Billie asked.

"Well, I'd rather not say unless you agree to take the case, Miss Charland. You see, it's kind of personal in nature," Mayor Stafford explained.

Cat listened attentively to Mr. Stafford's explanation as Billie looked around distractedly, not really wanting to be drawn into the case. When he was finished, Cat shook his hand enthusiastically. "Billie, doesn't this sound like an interesting case?" she asked.

"Yes, very," Billie replied in a deadpan manner.

Cat frowned at Billie, obviously disappointed with her wife's lack of enthusiasm. She had hoped Billie would be more interested. This case would surely cause Billie to realize how much she missed her law practice in the city.

"So, may I count on you for your services, Miss Charland?" Stafford asked Billie.

Billie looked impatiently at the man and opened her mouth to tell him exactly what he could do with her services, but before she could speak, Cat jumped in.

"We will surely discuss it, Mr. Stafford. As Billie said, we are trying our hand at farming right now, so let me discuss this with her in private to see if she has time to fit it in," Cat suggested.

Considering there were no other lawyers in town, and a big city lawyer would cost several thousands of dollars just to travel to the small town, Mr. Stafford quickly accepted Cat's suggestion. Removing a billfold from his breast pocket, he retrieved his business card and handed it to Billie before shaking both hers and Cat's hands bidding them a pleasant afternoon.

"You'll be hearing from us soon, Mr. Stafford," Cat said as the man bade them good day.

Billie stared at the business card as Cat watched Mr. Stafford walk away. "Hmmmph," she mumbled before flipping the card into a nearby trash can.

Cat was aghast. "Billie! What are you doing?" she asked, retrieving the card from the trash.

"Cat, we moved here to get away from stuff like this. I didn't come all this way to set up a new practice. I'm a farmer now - not a lawyer," Billie explained.

"Billie - you will always be a lawyer just like I'll always be a doctor. You can't resist a good case, and you know it," Cat admonished. "Now, I want you to consider this seriously before closing your mind to the idea. We'll talk more about it tonight," she added as they stopped in front of the clinic she had opened when they moved into the area.

Billie shoved her hands deep into her pockets and looked at Cat. "I'm a farmer now, Cat," was all she said.

"We'll talk later," Cat replied as she unlocked the clinic door and pushed it open. "I should be finished around 3 p.m. I'll see you then?" she asked.

"I'll be here with bells on!" Billie replied, grinning.

"Well anything's better than those smelly overalls!" Cat returned with a smile of her own.

"Hmmmph," Billie replied as she walked toward the saloon.

**********

As Billie pushed the swinging doors open and stepped into the saloon, all activity stopped. The loud roar that could be heard from outside the building died to a low murmur. All eyes in the room were on her as she sauntered up to the bar.

"What can I get cha?" the bartender asked.

"Gimme a soft drink," she replied.

"A soft drink?" the bartender commented incredulously.

"You gotta hearing problem? I said a soft drink," Billie repeated before looking around the bar and meeting dozens of eyes still staring back at her.

As she reached for the drink the bartender placed in front of her, a very inebriated man chose that moment to plant himself next to her. "Fred... gimme a whiskey," he called out to the bartender as he weaved side to side, nearly bumping into Billie as he swayed.

"Haven't you had enough, Barney?" the bartender replied.

"Do I look like a friggin' camel, Fred? I need a drink," Barney replied before looking over at Billie, who was in the process of taking a long drink of soda. "Hey - ain't you that carpet muncher?" he said loudly, causing Billie to spray soda all over the bar.

Grabbing Barney by the front of his shirt, she slammed him against the bar and leaned in close. "What did you say?" she asked angrily as the murmur in the room suddenly rose several decibels.

"I... I... I," Barney stammered.

Suddenly, a shot was heard as all activity once more came to a halt. Billie released the drunken sop she had pinned against the bar and turned to see a slight, older woman approach her. Billie guessed the woman to be close to 70 years old. She was nearly the same height as Cat and was dressed in an expensive man's three piece suit, complete with pocket watch and top hat. A large stogie hung from the corner of her mouth.

"Okay... Okay... the show's over," the woman declared as she returned a small handgun to her coat pocket. "Barney - go home to your wife... you've had enough to drink for one day. The rest of you, go back to your own business." Taking Billie by the arm, she directed her toward the table in the corner. "Sweetheart, come with me. Fred, bring us two whiskeys," she said.

Too shocked to resist, Billie allowed herself to be dragged to the table in the corner.

"Sit," the woman said as she pushed Billie into a chair. Extending her hand, she introduced herself. "The name's Covington... Janice Covington," she said, shaking Billie's hand firmly.

"Billie Charland," Billie replied as she consciously acknowledged the firm squeeze this Covington woman was putting on her hand.

Sitting in the chair beside Billie, Janice leaned back and slid the tips of her fingers into her waistband. "You're new in town, aren't cha?" she asked just as the bartender delivered their drinks. "Thanks, Fred," she added.

"Ah, yes... yes - we just purchased the McCoy farm on the outskirts of town," Billie replied.

"We?" Janice asked.

"Yes - my wif... I mean, my sister and I," Billie explained.

"Sister?" Janice asked before lifting her glass to Billie. "Cheers," she said.

Billie picked up her whiskey and toasted Janice before taking a long swig and promptly choking on it as the amber liquid slid down her throat.

Janice reached forward and patted Billie on the back. "You okay?" she asked.

Billie struggled to catch her breath as she nodded her head. "Yeah... yeah, I'm okay - thanks," she replied.

"So... Your sister and you bought the McCoy farm, huh? Ever farmed before?" Janice asked.

"Ah, no. As a matter of fact, I'm a lawyer by trade and Cat is a doctor," Billie returned.

"Cat?" Janice quipped.

"It's short for Caitlain. She's a doctor and has set up a practice here in town," Billie explained.

Janice's eyes opened wide. "The new doc is your wif.... I mean, your sister?" Janice asked. "Wow, she's a real looker!"

"You've met her?" Billie asked.

Before Janice could answer, another murmur rose within the room, drawing both ladies' attention to the grand staircase that graced the center of the bar. There, descending the stairs, was the most regal looking older woman Billie had ever seen. Nearly six feet tall, and dressed in a long maroon velvet gown, the woman's aging beauty was still firmly in residence. Her long, grey-streaked black hair was pulled up into a loose bun on top of her head with tendrils gracing the periphery of her hairline. A cameo necklace completed the look.

Janice immediately rose to her feet as she watched the woman descend the stairs. "Damn! She takes my breath away every time she makes an entrance like that," Janice exclaimed.

"You know her?" Billie asked, also mesmerized by the older woman.

"Oh yeah!" Janice exclaimed, adoration clearly reflected in her eyes.

Halfway down the stairs, the regal woman noticed the two ladies standing by the table in the corner. Waving, she allowed a gentleman to take her hand and escort her toward them. As she approached, Janice removed her top hat and reached her hand forward to receive the beautiful woman. "Thank you, John," she said to the woman's escort as she turned to address Billie. "Billie, may I have the pleasure of introducing you to Melinda Pappas, owner of this great establishment. Melinda, my dear, this is Billie Charland. Billie and her sister, wink, wink, just purchased the McCoy farm," Janice explained.

Melinda leaned forward to allow Janice to place a kiss on her cheek before extending her hand to Billie. "Miss Charland, it's so nice to meet you," Melinda said.

Billie was captivated by this beautiful creature, who bore an uncanny resemblance to herself. Taking the lady's hand, she bowed at the waist and kissed the back of it. "The pleasure is all mine... and please call me Billie," she replied.

"Billie it is. So is your sister with you, or is she off shopping somewhere?" Melinda asked.

"Cat is actually working. She runs the local health clinic in town," Billie responded.

Melinda looked at Janice. "I assume she is the new doctor you've been ogling?" she asked.

"Oh no, my dear. I only have eyes for you," Janice said to Melinda while winking at Billie.

Billie grinned at the obvious teasing between these ladies.

"So, dear Janice... what time are the boys coming by?" Melinda asked.

Janice removed her pocket watch and checked the time. "In about 3 hours," she replied before turning to address Billie once more. "The boys are a group of local ranchers who meet here at 3 p.m. every day for a few hours of poker before going home to the wives. They're a dim-witted group... haven't figured out yet that I'm a woman... but they don't seem to mind losing their money to me. Personally, I think they come around more for the saloon girls, but heck, no skin off my ass! Would you care to join us, Billie?" she asked.

"As much as I'd like to, Janice, I need to collect Cat at 3 p.m... and I've got cows to milk this afternoon, so I'm afraid I'll have to pass," Billie explained regretfully.

"Well then, why don't you and Cat join us for the show tonight - my treat," Melinda suggested.

"Show?" Billie asked.

"Oh yes, dear. As you can see, this saloon doubles as a theater. The stage at the far end of the room is where most of the performances are done. We bring in only the best entertainment. The show starts at 7 p.m.," Melinda offered.

"Sounds wonderful," Billie replied. "I'll talk to Cat when I pick her up and let you know before we head home," Billie replied. "Thank you so much for the invitation."

"It's the least I can do to welcome you to town. Until later, then," Melinda said.

"Until later," Billie replied as she watched Melinda make the rounds of the saloon greeting each patron personally.

"She's beautiful," Billie said as she watched Melinda work the room.

"That she is... that she is," Janice agreed. "Well, I hate to desert you, but I promised to take the lovely lady to lunch. We hope to see you this evening," Janice said, extending her hand to Billie once more.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER II

Cat looked at Billie's head bobbing to and fro as their old, rusted pickup truck maneuvered the deeply rutted road that led toward their farm. "So what type of show is it?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. Miss Pappas said they bring in only the finest entertainment, so it's got to be good," Billie replied without taking her eyes from the road. Just then, they hit an especially deep pothole, sending the supplies in the bed of the pickup high into the air before settling back with a loud crash, into a state of disarray. "Damned road!" Billie cursed.

"I'm a little concerned about leaving the kids alone on the farm at night," Cat commented.

Billie took her eyes off the road for a split second to shoot Cat an exasperated look. "Cat - Seth is 17 years old... And Tara is 15! Geesh - even Skylar at 11 is almost old enough to stay alone. They'll be fine," she admonished.

"Well, this isn't like the city where help is a phone call away, you know. What if something happened?" Cat feared.

"Cat - we can't keep our kids sheltered in a cocoon all their lives. If something bad is going to happen to them, it'll happen whether we're with them or not! Heck, take our trip to Yellowstone for example! Tara nearly died out there - and it wasn't because she was alone! Hell - you were injured as well! We can't live our lives in fear, Cat. That's why buying this farm was such a good idea. It's a chance for us to venture out and enjoy the good life for a change," Billie explained.

"You call this the good life?" Cat whined. "No running water... cow shit everywhere?! I'd hate to see your idea of the bad life!"

"Cat, farmers are the backbone of the country. It's a profession to be proud of," Billie replied.

"I agree - but farming isn't for everyone, Billie... especially not us," Cat pointed out.

"I beg to differ, my dear. We're doing just fine. The corn is already knee-high in the back 40, I manage to get enough milk from Bessie to keep us supplied on a daily basis, we have plenty of eggs and chicken to eat - what more could we ask for?" Billie asked.

"Running water, electricity, neighbors that are close enough to walk to, department stores, shopping malls, fast food restaurants, toilets that flush... let's see, did I leave anything out?" Cat quipped sarcastically.

Billie released a deflating sigh. "Cat, you promised to give this a try," Billie said sadly - her eyes still glued to the road.

Feeling guilty, Cat reached over and touched Billie's arm. "Honey, I know I did, but this is harder than I thought it would be... and I kind of miss the conveniences of home," Cat explained.

"We are home, Cat," Billie pointed out.

"Yippee!" Cat blurted out and immediately regretted it as Billie's face deepened into an angry frown.

Silence prevailed as Billie and Cat sat like stoic bobble-heads throughout the remainder of the ride.

**********

"We're here," Billie announced as she pulled the truck up to the barn.

Not wanting to argue any more, Cat flung open her door and stepped out, pausing to straighten the wrinkles in her skirt before heading toward the house. Billie too climbed out of the truck, but opted for the barn, also to avoid further argument. Grabbing the pitchfork, she began to clean Bessie's stall when suddenly, she heard a shriek coming from the direction of the house. Dropping the implement, she scurried to the door, just in time to see Cat running wildly around the yard with a large group of chickens chasing her, pecking at her legs.

"Aaahhhhh, help me!" Cat screamed as the chickens tore wildly at her stockings.

"Cat! Cat, run toward me!" Billie yelled as she ran in her direction.

Hearing Billie's voice, the wild eyed woman ran directly at her and jumped into her arms, losing one of her shoes and nearly knocking them both to the ground.

"Ummph! Cat! Calm down!" Billie instructed as Cat attempted to climb higher and higher up the front of Billie. "Cat! If you don't calm down, I'll put you back on the ground!" she threatened, effectively halting Cat's hysterical clawing.

"Billie! Billie - they're evil chickens!" Cat exclaimed. "They're trying to kill me!"

"They're not trying to kill you, Cat. They're probably just hungry," Billie explained as she set Cat down on the front porch of the farm house. "Tara!" Billie called into the house. "Tara! Where are you?"

"I don't care what you say, Billie - they're evil. Look what they did to my stockings!" Cat exclaimed, indicating the nylon shreds that hung from her legs.

Billie had all she could do not to laugh, thanking the gods when Tara finally appeared from around the corner of the house, her friend Kelly in tow. Both girls looked a bit flush, causing Billie to eye them suspiciously.

Tara took one look at Cat's legs and exclaimed, "Mama! What on earth did you do to your stockings?"

"I didn't do anything to them. It was those... those feathery monsters out there!" Cat exclaimed, pointing in the direction of the hen-house where the chickens had regrouped, looking for feed.

"The chickens?" Tara asked incredulously. "What did you do to provoke them?"

Cat was beside her self with indignation. "What did I do? What did I do? I didn't do anything! They just attacked me. They either hate me or they have a nylon fetish!" Cat whined.

"Tara," Billie interrupted. "They should have been fed before now. I'm sure they're hungry and got a little excited when they saw Mama. You need to do your chores on time young lady instead of frolicking in the barn with Kelly," she scolded, looking back and forth between the girls.

Tara blushed to the roots of her hair as she kicked the dirt around with her toe. "Yes ma'am," she said apologetically.

"Now go on and take care of your chores," Billie instructed as both girls ran toward the hen-house. Turning back to Cat, who was trying desperately to straighten her hair, she said, "They're not evil chickens, Cat. They were just hungry."

"Hmmmmph!" Cat exclaimed, turning her back to Billie as she limped on one shoe into the house.

**********

Billie looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. "Cat, I'm not wearing this to the show tonight," she declared.

"Why not? You look very nice," Cat responded.

"Nice? Is that what you call it?" Billie asked.

Having just put the final touches on her makeup, Cat approached Billie and asked her to turn around in circles for her. "You look very beautiful," Cat said, admiring the shapely lines of her tall wife.

"Cat, I look like an idiot," Billie whined. "I look like Jethro Bodine in a dress!"

Cat rolled her eyes. "Don't be foolish, Billie - it's just that you haven't worn a dress in so long, you've forgotten how nice you look in one," she explained.

"I feel like I should be running a quilting circle - not running a farm! Damn it, Cat! I just don't look good in frilly clothing," Billie explained. "I'd feel much more comfortable in trousers."

"I don't think so!" Cat admonished. "It's about time you look like the woman you are, Billie. Don't you ever grow tired of the overalls and flannel shirts?" she asked.

"Actually - no," Billie replied. "Give me blue jeans and shit-kickers over gingham and lace any day!"

"Aarrgghh! You exasperate me some times!" Cat exclaimed. "It won't hurt you to look feminine for one evening. Please, Billie... do it for me?" Cat asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes at Billie.

Billie put her hands on her hips and shook her head side to side. "Now who's being exasperating!? You know I can't resist you when you turn on the charm, Cat! Damn! All right... all right - I'll wear the stupid dress, but if anyone makes a derogatory comment, they're toast!"

**********

Cat and Billie arrived at the saloon at precisely 6:50 p.m. As they approached the entrance, Billie noticed Janice - dressed comfortably in trousers and jacket - greeting people at the door.

"See - Janice is wearing trousers, Cat," Billie comment.

"You're not Janice," Cat replied.

Feeling like a total geek in the flowery dress Cat forced her to wear, Billie tried to sneak by the woman without being seen. Unfortunately, her nearly 6-foot frame made that virtually impossible.

"Billie! Billie Charland - so glad you could make it," Janice said, eyeing Billie up and down. Reaching out, she shook Billie's hand and chuckled under her breath, "She made you were that, didn't she?"

Billie turned ten shades of red and rolled her eyes, telling herself if it were anyone but Janice Covington making that remark, she'd be pulverizing them.

Seeing how uncomfortable she had made Billie with her remark, Janice leaned in and added, "Melinda did that to me once. Made her live to regret it, I did! She's hasn't done it since!"

Billie's eyes widened. "How?" she mouthed.

Janice pulled Billie down and whispered in her ear. A wide smile crossed Billie's face as she listened to the older woman's advice.

"AhhhhHmmm!" Cat said loudly, clearing her voice in order to be acknowledged.

"Oh! I'm sorry," Billie said. Taking a step back, she reached for Cat's hand and pulled her over to stand in front of Janice. "Janice Covington, may I present to you, Dr. Caitlain Charland. Cat, this is Janice Covington," Billie said, making the introductions.

Janice took Cat's hand and lifted it to her mouth, gently kissing the back of it while maintaining eye contact with Cat. "You are more beautiful than I remembered," Janice said.

"Have we met before?" Cat questioned.

"Only in my dreams, my dear. As a matter of fact, we haven't actually met, but I have passed by your clinic and have heard much praise from some of the patients who frequent this establishment. It seems you have a gift for dealing with people, my dear," Janice explained.

"Why thank you, Miss Covington. I do enjoy my work. Billie tells me she met you here in the saloon. Are you the proprietor of this establishment?" Cat asked.

"Actually, my lovely partner, Melinda Pappas owns the joint. I am... how would you say... the peace-keeper - a bouncer of sorts. I am also the resident gambler. I have quite a reputation with the cards. People come from miles around to challenge my skills... and I have many skills!" Janice bragged, her eyebrows dancing suggestively on her forehead. "Perhaps you would care to join me in a game?"

Cat smiled and reached out to take Janice's hand. "I'm afraid I'm not much for card playing, Miss Covington. Billie here would be a much more suitable choice. Being a lawyer and all, she's used to the planning and calculation it takes to be a good card player," she responded.

Janice raised her eyebrows to Billie. "You're a lawyer?" she asked.

Billie frowned at Cat while she answered Janice's question. "By trade, yes. But as I mentioned to my lovely wif... er, I mean to my lovely sister earlier today, I have retired my lawyer's hat for farming."

"I see," Janice replied. "I'll have to keep that in mind. Oh... here come a few more patrons. Please, go inside... the show will be starting soon," Janice said as she turned to greet the new guests.

**********

Billie and Cat were lead to seats in the front row reserved for Melinda's special guests, where they were afforded the best seats in the house.

"Wow, these are great seats!" Billie exclaimed as she looked around.

"Billie, put your legs together. That's no way for a lady to sit," Cat exclaimed as she noticed Billie sitting there with her legs wide apart.

"Oops! I'm so used to wearing trousers, I didn't even realize..." Billie exclaimed as she pulled her knees together.

Within moments, the lights began to dim as a hush fell over the saloon. Soon the stage was enveloped in total darkness.

A focused beam of light fell onto the stage from above, highlighting the figure of Melinda Pappas. A roar of applause rose from the audience as Melinda graciously acknowledged the crowd.

"Thank you! Thank you for coming, my dear friends," she began. "As always, we hope to bring to you tonight, a show filled with excitement, wonder and talented artists. Please, give a big warm return welcome tonight to a singer who will hold you spellbound - the wonderful Miss Drew O'Grady."

Cat's hand immediately flew out and grabbed Billie's thigh, her fingers subconsciously digging into Billie's flesh. "Drew? My Drew O'Grady?" Cat whispered to Billie as the crowd erupted into applause once more.

Billie's face contorted with pain as she pried Cat's hand off her leg. "I don't know.... shush and maybe we'll find out," Billie whispered back.

The stage was enveloped in darkness once more as the piano player keyed the introduction to a ballad. From somewhere at the back of the saloon, a focused beam of light hit the entrance at stage-left. There, standing fully wrapped in fur was a tall, thin, but curvy woman with white-blonde hair and a ditzy air about her. The audience held its collective breath as they waited for the woman to deliver the first note.

"Billie! That's Drew! That's my baby sister! What is she doing up there?" Cat whispered hoarsely to Billie.

"I don't know, Cat!" Billie replied.

"But Billie - she can't sing! She never could! They'll boo her right off the stage!" Cat worried.

"Well, she's obviously been here before - Melinda called this a return performance!" Billie pointed out.

"Trust me, Billie. If she had sung here before there is no way they'd let her back on that stage!" Cat said.

"Shhh. She's about to start," Billie replied as Drew made her way to center stage.

"He, he, he, he" Drew giggled before she finally began to sing. "I wanna be loved by you... by you, and nobody else but you. I wanna be loved by you - by you alone... poop poop pee-do!" she squeaked in a Betty Boop voice.

Billie looked at Cat with utter disbelief on her face. "Oh... My... God!!! I have never heard anything so awful in my life!!!" she exclaimed.

"I told you! What amazes me though, is that they don't seem to mind," Cat replied as she looked around the audience.

Billie followed Cat's gaze and realized the audience was almost exclusively men. "Ahhhh - Cat. I think I know why they don't mind," Billie said dryly.

A little slower to catch on, Cat looked at her wife with wonder on her face. "Pray tell," she said.

Before Billie could answer, Drew suddenly threw off the fur she was wearing, immediately revealing what Billie would never be able to adequately put into words.

A deafening roar rose from the audience.

Cat's head snapped up - her eyes nearly jumping out of her face. "Aaaahhhhhh!" she screamed, jumping to her feet. "Drew O'Grady - you put your clothes back on!!!"

"Cat... Cat - sit down!" Billie said urgently.

"Hey!!! Down in front. Get outta the way, lady! You're blocking my view!!" came calls from the audience along with wolf whistles and a whole host of obscene comments.

Cat turned around to face the audience. "That's my baby sister up there!" she screamed before rushing the stage and blocking the audience's view of a naked Drew.

A continuous flow of objections came from the audience. "Boo!! Get outta the way! Someone get rid of that dame! Go home lady!"

Nobody was more surprised than Drew. "Like, what are you doing?" she asked Cat as the red head tried to push her off stage.

"Drew, how could you? What would Mom say if she saw you like this?" Cat screamed at her sister.

"Let me go, you crazy woman! Like - what are you smoking?" Drew exclaimed.

Breaking free of the hold Cat had on her arm, Drew made her way back to center stage and begun to sing and gyrate once more.

Regaining her bearings, Cat picked up the fur coat Drew had discarded earlier and rushed the girl, wrapping her in fur and tackling her to the floor. Sitting directly on top of her, she leaned in and pinned her shoulders to the floor. "Drew O'Grady - you are in big trouble, young lady! How could you?" she shouted.

Suddenly, Cat felt herself being lifted into the air. "Let me go!" she shouted as a stagehand grabbed her around the middle and dragged her toward the edge of the stage.

Knowing things would get nasty, Billie began to fight her way through the crowd to protect her wife. Luckily for Cat, she had made it to the edge of the stage at about the same time the stagehand did. "I would put her down if I were you," Billie said as the stagehand backed right into her.

Startled, the stagehand released Cat, who proceeded to kick him in the groin, before returning to her crusade of shielding her younger sister from the lecherous eyes of the audience.

"Oh.... My.... God!! Like - what is your problem?" Drew screamed. "You are, like - ruining my performance!"

Stepping over the groaning stagehand, Billie took a shot at subduing Cat. "Okay, Cat. We need to get out of here before you end up in jail," she said. "Come on. Let's go!"

"Only if Drew comes with us," Cat replied.

Billie looked at Drew. "She won't leave you alone if you don't come with us," she said matter of factly to the naked woman.

"Okay! Okay - I'll come - Whatever!!!" Drew shouted. "But I'd better get paid tonight!"

"Fine! I'll pay you whatever you would have made here. We just need to go - now!" Cat agreed.

Grabbing the fur coat once more, Billie draped it around Drew and ushered both ladies off the stage.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER III

Cat paced back and forth across the kitchen, one hand on her hip, the other worrying the bangs on her forehead. Billie, having traded the dress for a pair of jeans and flannel shirt as soon as she got home, sat in a kitchen chair, with it leaned back on two legs. Drew sat at the table wearing one of Billie's flannel shirts and boxer shorts, her hands wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate.

"Okay, Drew - spill it! Why on earth are you performing in the nude?" Cat asked her sister.

"It's like - what I do," Drew responded.

"It's what you do? Are you insane? Do mom and dad know about this?" Cat shouted.

"There's like, no need to yell. Mom has done this for years... well, maybe not nude, but, like, she's been dancing for men for years," Drew answered.

Cat stopped in front of her sister and placed her hands on the table. "Hello!?" she said sarcastically. "Mom has been a doctor's wife for the past 40 years!"

"Well, I guess you can call him a doctor if you want. Like, I mean, he does sell medicine," Drew replied.

Cat looked at her sister as though she was sprouting antennae. "What are you talking about? she asked.

"See for yourself. Like, he and mom both will be at the traveling circus this weekend," Drew said. "Now if you don't mind, I, like - got a job to do... that is, if I still have a job! Which reminds me, you promised to pay me if I went with you," Drew reminded Cat as she held out her hand.

Cat pulled a $100 bill from her purse and handed it to Drew. "Drew, I don't want you to go back to that job. Performing on stage nude is not very respectable. It's nothing but a meat market," Cat said. "And regardless of what you say, Mom and Dad wouldn't be happy about it if they knew."

"Okay - you are like - creeping me out. You are talking as though you know my mom and dad. You are like - one strange chick! I think I want to like - go back to the saloon now," Drew demanded.

Billie righted her chair and stood. "Come on - I'll take you back," she said.

"Billie! You can't bring her back there!" Cat objected.

"Look, Cat. She's a big girl. I know you'd like to protect her, but she's an adult, and a married woman, although I'd really like to know how Dylan feels about this job of hers," Billie explained.

"What are you talking about?" Drew exclaimed. "Me? Married? Like - no way, dudette!"

"Now you're creeping me out, Drew. We were there - at your wedding. You married Billie's brother, Dylan," Cat explained.

"Dylan? As in Dylan Stafford?" Drew asked.

"The one and only!" Billie replied.

"Ewwwww! Like - gag me with a spoon! There is no way I would marry Dylan Stafford!" Drew exclaimed.

"Okay - I've had enough of this for one night. Come on, Drew. I'm taking you back to town," Billie said.

"Pwaise Hestia!" Drew replied, heading for the door before stopping short. "Do you, like - want your shirt and boxers back?" she asked Billie.

"Keep'em," Billie replied, not wanting to delay getting rid of this girl for one minute longer.

Traveling circus, Cat thought as she watched her wife and sister leave. I've got to check this out.

**********

Cock-a-doodle-do!!!! Cock-a-doodle-do!!!!

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Billie complained as she violently kicked off the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna get my gun and shoot that worthless cock!"

"Who?" Cat asked groggily as Billie's tirade awakened her.

"Aarrgghh! Where are my boots?" Billie ranted as she scoured the space under the bed on her hands and knees.

"Aren't we Little Miss Pleasant this morning," Cat quipped.

"Don't start on me this morning, Cat. I had enough of your irrational behavior last night," Billie warned.

Cat sat up in bed. "Irrational? You call trying to protect my sister irrational?" Cat asked incredulously.

"Seemed to me that she didn't want to be protected, Cat. You should have left well enough alone. Who knows what repercussions will result from last night's melee. Maybe I took them off in the kitchen," Billie mused before leaving the bedroom in search of her boots.

"Hmmmph!" Cat exclaimed as she threw herself back onto the bed. Looking around the room, she once again regretted leaving their beautiful home in the suburbs... brightly painted walls, adjoining bathroom with hot, running water, carpeted floors... all for what? Dark wall paper, cold wooden floors, windows dingy from the dusty yard beyond. Cat hoped Billie realized the sacrifices she was making for her.

"Cat - I'm going to milk the cows. I'll be back in while with milk for breakfast," Billie announced as she poked her head into the bedroom and noticed Cat laying on the bed with a contemplative look on her face. Seeing how forlorn she looked, Billie realized she may have been too hard on Cat earlier and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. Reaching forward, she traced the side of Cat's face with her index finger. "You look so beautiful with the sunrise shining on your face, Kitten," she said softly.

Cat smiled, then closed her eyes and leaned into Billie's touch, turning her head slightly to place a kiss on Billie's hand.

A shudder of desire passed through the tall woman. Leaning in, she placed a tender kiss on Cat's lips... then another, and another until all thoughts of chores vanished under a veil of passion. Within moments, the boots she had searched so hard for that morning were kicked off, along with the barrier of clothing that separated skin from skin. For the next hour, the sunrise lay witness to a melding of souls and the glistening of sweat covered bodies as the ladies reveled in their love for one another. Finally sated, they lay in each other's arms, exchanging butterfly kisses and shared air space as they reaffirmed their love for each other.

"I love you, Cat. I know this isn't easy for you... and I know how much you must love me to put up with the hardships," Billie whispered.

Cat smiled and allowed a lone tear to escape the corner of one eye. "I go where you go, my love. Our souls have been together for an eternity - I have no choice but to be with you," she replied softly.

"Thank you, Kitten," Billie said before placing another kiss on Cat's nose.

"You're welcome," Cat replied. "I guess we should get up, huh?" she asked.

"Hmmmm," Billie murmured, allowing her hand to trail across Cat's shoulder and back as the red haired woman rose naked from their love nest. "I could lay here all day looking at your beautiful body," she added as Cat stood.

"Your other girlfriends will be jealous, my love," Cat said, openly flirting with the naked dark haired beauty still lying on the bed.

Billie's eyebrows raised on her forehead. "My other girlfriends?" she questioned.

Feeling reckless, Cat returned to their bed, crawling across it toward Billie like a lioness stalking her prey. "Oh yes - they're waiting for you in the barn," she explained.

"Why you!" Billie cried, jumping up and capturing Cat by the waist, throwing her onto her back on the bed.

"Don't you dare!" Cat shrieked.

"Oh yes - that type of teasing requires punishment!" Billie warned as she proceeded to tickle the naked woman.

Cat writhed uncontrollably as laughter filled the room. Trying desperately to escape Billie's clutches, Cat bolted upright in bed only to stop dead in her tracks. "Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!" she screamed in fright.

Billie immediately stopped playing. "What is it Cat?" she exclaimed, grabbing Cat by the shoulders.

All Cat could do was point at the window while grabbing for the blankets to cover her nakedness.

Billie looked toward the window. "What the fu....?!" she exclaimed, jumping from the bed. In one fluid movement, she threw the window open and dragged the peeping Tom partially into the room. "You had better have a good reason for this!" she warned.

"I do! I do! For a cup of coffee, I'll explain," Janice Covington replied.

Billie looked the older woman in the eyes and saw something there that concerned her. Allowing the woman to regain her footing before releasing her, Billie told her to go around to the front of the house like a civilized person. While Janice did as she was told, Billie turned to find Cat already out of bed and pulling her robe on. Approaching her, Billie lifted Cat's chin until their eyes yet. "Are you all right, Cat?" she asked.

Cat nodded. "I'm okay. A little startled, but fine," she said.

"Good," Billie said as she lowered her face to Cat's and placed another gentle kiss on her lips.

Cat's hands immediately circled Billie waist as she pulled her close.

Reaching down between them, Billie opened Cat's robe and allowed full body contact - skin against skin as they shared a passionate kiss, trailed by several kisses across Cat's neck and shoulder.

"Billie... we have a guest, remember?" Cat asked.

Billie's head snapped up as she realized Janice was probably still standing on the doorstep waiting to be let in. "Crazy old woman!" Billie murmured before stepping back and pulling Cat's robe together as the smaller woman tied the belt.

"I'll put coffee on," Cat said. "You get dressed. That crazy old woman, as you put it, has seen enough of your naked butt for one day!"

**********

When Billie finally exited the bedroom fully dressed in her normal overall, flannel shirt and boots, she found Cat pouring a cup of coffee for Janice Covington, who was sitting at the table.

Janice looked up at Billie as she stepped into the room. "I liked you better naked! You remind me of my Melinda," she said.

Billie gave Janice a dirty look before walking right past her to the far end of the room where she opened a door and looked in. "Seth? Scout, time to get up. The cows are about to burst," she said before closing the door and moving on to the next room. "Sky, Tare, come on girls, time to feed the chickens and collect the eggs. The sun is up, ladies!" Choruses of "Ah Mom!" were heard from all three children as Billie chuckled and returned to their visitor still sitting at the kitchen table.

"You have children," Janice said, stating the obvious.

"Three," Cat replied as she poured another coffee for Billie.

"Thank you love," Billie replied with a smile.

Cat returned her smile, as she poured herself a cup, then sat next to her tall wife across the table from their visitor.

Janice looked back and forth between the ladies. "That little scene this morning blows the hell out of the sister theory, doesn't it?" she asked, chuckling.

The conversation was suddenly disrupted by the sounds of the children emerging from their bedrooms. Seth was first, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders as he made his way across the kitchen. "Morning Mama, Mom," he said, hugging them both.

"Seth, this is Janice Covington. Miss Covington, our son, Seth," Cat said, making the introductions.

"'Morning ma'am. Nice to meet you," he said before turning to Billie. "I'll be in the barn," he added before shuffling across the room toward the door.

"I'll be out soon to give you a hand, Scout," Billie called after her son.

Skylar was the next to emerge. Reacting a bit shyly to a stranger's presence in their house, she went directly to Cat for a morning hug. "'Morning, Mama," she said.

"Good morning my love. Skylar, this is Janice Covington," Cat replied.

"Hi," Skylar replied before turning back to Cat. "Mama, where is the egg basket?" she asked.

"I'll get it for you, rugrat," Billie replied, retrieving the basket from the upper cabinet. "There you go, sweetheart," she said, receiving a hug from her daughter.

"Thanks Mom," the 11 year old said before grabbing the basket and running out the door.

"She's a shy one," Janice remarked.

"Yes she is," Cat replied.

"Mom! I wanna move my bedroom to the attic. That little brat has been rummaging through my stuff again!" Tara complained the moment she opened her bedroom door.

"Now Tara, you know it will take some time to redo the attic. You'll just have to share a room with your sister until them. I'll have a talk with her this afternoon about staying out of your stuff," Billie promised. "Now, come over here and meet our guest."

Tara walked purposely toward the table and extended her hand. "Tara Charland," she said.

Janice looked over Tara's shoulder at Billie and smiled at this girl's boldness. "Janice Covington. Nice to meet you, young lady," she replied.

Tara, feeling mischievous, circled the table to hug Cat and asked if she wanted to come help her feed the chickens. Remembering the disastrous nylon incident from the previous day, Cat gently slapped her daughter on the butt before the teenager escaped out the door.

"Cute kids," Janice commented.

Billie slapped her hands down on the table and partially stood. "Look, Covington, you're not here to talk about how cute our kids are. I want to know why you were snooping in our bedroom window. And it had better be good!" she demanded.

Not intimidated in the least, Janice sat and sipped her coffee. Putting the cup down on the table, she looked Billie in the eye. "I need your help," she said.

"Help?" Billie asked.

Suddenly, all pretense of toughness disintegrated before their eyes as Janice crumbled. Allowing several tears to escape aged eyes, she blinked rapidly then said, "My Melinda is gone."

**********

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Billie asked. "Is she dead?"

"Billie!" Cat exclaimed in disbelief. "How can you ask such a thing?"

"Well!!?? How do I know? Gone can mean a lot of things," Billie defended herself.

"I hope to God she's not dead," Janice interjected. "There'd be no reason to go on."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... back up a bit. When did you see her last?" Billie asked.

"She was at the show last night - at least until the two of you kidnapped our star performer," Janice began.

"I want to talk to you about that, by the way," Cat admonished sternly.

"Cat, let her finish," Billie interrupted, earning herself a dirty look from her wife.

"Like I said, she was at the show last night. After Drew left the stage, we called in our regular piano player and offered free drinks for the rest of the evening - which the patrons were quite happy to receive. Don't know what it is about men.... they seem to like sex and booze equally. If they can't have one, they're happy with the other. They're a strange breed!" Janice digressed.

"Well the next time you want to sell sex, you can choose someone beside Drew O'Grady!" Cat said angrily.

"Caaaat!" Billie warned, effectively sending Cat into a pout. "Go on, Janice," Billie added.

"Well, it's funny you mention selling sex, 'cause I think that has something to do with Melinda's disappearance," Janice remarked.

"Miss Pappas was selling her body?" Cat asked aghast.

"Cat! Are you out of your mind? Miss Pappas has got to be in her 70's!" Billie exclaimed.

Now it was Janice's turn to be insulted. "Now wait just a minute there young lady. Do you think only the young ones can enjoy the kind of sex I witnessed between the two of you this morning? I'll have you know that Melinda Pappas is still a very desirable woman - even in her advanced years. Why... she's got the power to drench my panties with just one look! It would be a privilege to purchase sex from such a beautiful woman!" Janice stated adamantly.

Cat stood and began pacing. "Okay... that's quite enough. Do you realize we're talking about having hot sex with a woman who is old enough to be my grandmother?!!" she said, shivering from the thought.

"Love crosses all age boundaries, Miss Charland," Janice said. "Melinda's quite a hot ticket in bed. Ask me - I know! Why... just before show time yesterday, Mel and I were having a grand ole time in her private quarters. Although I will say she got a little carried away with the whip...," Janice remarked while rubbing her backside.

Billie quickly jumped to her feet. "TMI!! TMI!! Ahhh... Cat is right - we're getting a little off track here," she said while acknowledging to herself that all this sex talk was starting to drench her own panties.

"TMI?" Janice asked.

"Too Much Information," Cat replied.

After making a trip around the room to compose herself, Billie returned to the table. "So, Janice, why do you think sex for money has something to do with this?" she asked.

"Because the kidnapper left this note," Janice replied, handing a piece of paper across the table to Billie.

Billie unfolded the paper and read. "Jesus Christ!" she replied after finishing.

"What is it, Billie? Read it out loud," Cat demanded.

"It's a poem, Cat... and a bad one at that. It reads: 'Miss Pappas is doomed - Unless you give us the room - You are risking her life - She's at the end of a knife - So if you'd really like - To get back your dyke - You will sign on the line - And give me what's mine - I am going to hell - but heck, sex really sells.' Damn! Who would do something like this?" Billie exclaimed.

"I don't know," Janice replied shakily.

"Has anyone been bothering Melinda lately? Harassing letters? Unwanted visitors?" Billie asked.

"She has been acting odd of late," Janice admitted, "but she always denied anything was wrong when I asked."

Billie re-read the note once more. "The answers are right here... I know they are," Billie commented. "It'll take some work to figure it out, but it's gotta be here."

"So you'll help me?" Janice asked hopefully.

Billie looked at Cat.

"Billie, if it were me kidnapped instead of Melinda, what would you do?" she asked softly.

"I would hunt nonstop until I found you," Billie replied without hesitation.

Cat nodded and smiled.

Billie re-read the note once more then looked at Janice. "I'll need access to all of Melinda's records.... and I'll need full cooperation from you. No restrictions. Do you understand?" Billie asked.

"You've got it, Billie," Janice promised. "... and Billie - I don't know how to thank you," she added.

"Don't thank me yet, Janice. We don't know how this will turn out," Billie replied.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER IV

Cat carefully negotiated the distance between the house and the barn, being especially careful not to step in anything disgusting. Pushing the door open, she stepped inside and was hit square in the face by the rancid smell of cow and chicken poop.

"Oh my god - how do they stand it?" she murmured to herself as her eyes became accustomed to the dim light. "Billie!" she called, hoping she could get her wife to come to her so she could avoid walking through the rows of cows that were locked into their milking stanchions. "Billie!" she called again to no avail, unable to be heard over the constant mooing.

"Aarrgghh!" Cat exclaimed as she carefully made her way through the barn. "Damn! I'm gonna have to take a cold bath in that god-awful rain trough again. This place is disgusting!" she whined.

After making it halfway through the barn, Cat stopped to check her shoes and clothing, and was quite proud to realize she had so far managed to get no manure on her new white slacks. "Maybe this isn't so bad after all," she thought, "well, except for the smell."

Pleased with herself, Cat raised her head and continued to move forward through the barn, only to stop dead in her tracks after two more steps. There before her was a horned billy-goat, with its head down - pawing the dirt in preparation for a charge.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" Cat screamed as she turned and started running in the direction she had come, the cows cheering her on with loud moos as she ran. Looking over her shoulder, she noticed the goat was closing in on her so fast, there was no way she was going to make it to the door first. Looking around wildly as she ran, she noticed a gated stall to her right. Turning sharply, she hit the gate at full speed and climbed over it, jumping from the top rail into the stall just as the billy-goat crashed head first into the other side of the gate.

"Ha! Ha! You didn't get me - did you, lamb chop... you filthy piece of shit! Take that!" Cat yelled, celebrating her victory.

Cat stood in her fortress for several minutes until the billy-goat finally lost interest and walked away. Looking through the bars of the gate, she waited for several minutes more until she felt safe enough to escape. Reaching up, she lifted the restraining rope over the hitching post and pushed the gate open. That's when she realized she couldn't move. She was standing knee-high in cow manure.

"Wonderful!!! Abso-fucking-lutely wonderful!" Cat screamed as loud as she could. "God damn it Billie! If you are in here, answer me!" she added.

"Cat? Cat - where are you?" came Billie's voice from the far end of the barn.

"I'm over here!" cat replied, "and I'm not very happy!"

Billie stopped short and rolled her eyes, wondering what Cat had gotten herself into this time.

"I can't see you, Cat. Talk to me so I can follow your voice," Billie instructed.

"Well, where would you like me to start? Have I told you yet that I hate this farm? Have I told you yet that the animals scare the shit out of me.... or in this case, scare the shit all over me? Have I told you yet that I'm no farmer's wife?" Cat rattled off.

"Okay.. Okay, I get the point. I've found you," Billie said as she located the source of Cat's voice. "Holy Shit! How the hell did you get in there?" Billie asked.

"Holy shit indeed!" Cat replied. "I came in here to ask you to bring a chicken in for dinner, and that fricken goat chased me through the barn and it was running faster than I was, so I had to jump over this gate to get away from him! How was I supposed to know this is where you stored the cow shit?" she screamed.

Billie tried hard not to smile as she offered her arms to Cat. "Here, hold onto my arms and I'll help you out of there," she instructed.

Cat did as she was told, pulling each leg up and out of the manure pile with a suction sound, only to realize her shoes had stayed behind. "Great! Just great!" she complained.

Just then, Seth came around the corner of the stanchions. Seeing his moms standing side by side, he squinted his eyes to make them out from a distance. "Hey Mama!" he shouted as he approached. "Where'd you get the boots?"

Cat looked at her approaching son, then at Billie, then at her legs and realized the manure had stained her new white slacks clear up to the knees, making it look from a distance like she had black boots on. "Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!" she screamed, stomping out of the barn.

When Seth finally made his way to Billie, he looked at his mother. "What's wrong with her?" he asked.

"I guess she doesn't like her boots," Billie replied, grinning.

**********

"Hello there!" came a female voice. "Ms. Charland? Is anyone home?"

"Oh god!" Cat said under her breath, splashing water out of the trough. "Ah... yes? Who's there?" she called out loud, thankful that Billie had built a privacy barrier around the trough.

"Jennifer Swenson. I'm the new teacher," the voice replied.

"Oh! Hi! Please - go into the house. I'll be right in," Cat instructed.

"All right. Do you mind if I put water on for tea?" Jennifer asked.

"Please do!" Cat replied, wondering what kind of teacher felt comfortable enough to take over a stranger's kitchen. She imagined this woman would be some wrinkly old gorilla-looking bitch with a perpetually mean look on her face.

Cat listened to be sure the teacher had walked away before she climbed out of the trough and dried herself off. Wrapping a large towel around herself, she left her soiled clothes in a heap by the trough and made her way into the house where she found Jennifer lighting the wood stove.

Cat stopped dead in her tracks as she looked at this woman who had taken over her kitchen. She was definitely not what she had imagined! Suddenly feeling very vulnerable, Cat pulled the towel tighter around herself.

"Cat Charland," Cat said, extending her hand to Jennifer who looked appreciatively at the towel. "Don't ask!" Cat added, raising her palm to Jennifer. "Give me a minute to get some clothes on and I'll be right with you," she said before disappearing into the bedroom.

"Take your time," Jennifer replied as she grabbed the teapot and headed for the pump outside.

By the time Cat emerged from the bedroom, Jennifer had found the cups and tea bags, as well as a jar of honey... and was pouring the hot water into the cups. "I hope you don't mind me making myself at home," she said to Cat as she returned the teapot to the stove.

"No - not at all. Thanks for making the tea," Cat replied as she accepted a cup. "Please - sit down," she offered.

Cat watched as Jennifer sat and stirred a spoonful of honey into her tea. Cat couldn't get over Jennifer's appearance. She was indeed a beautiful woman, in a cute kind of way... very curly blonde hair, upturned nose, a deep clef in her chin, smiling eyes and a shapely figure to die for, which she accented with a tight-fitting dress. Cat guessed her to be close to hers and Billie's age. She had a look about her that drew people in... a look that made it difficult to look away. It was in one such stare that Jennifer caught Cat.

Realizing she had been caught, Cat blushed. "I'm sorry for staring," she said, "it's just that so many of the women around here look like men, it's refreshing to see someone who is feminine and beautiful," Cat explained.

Jen cast a sideways glance at Cat. "You think I'm beautiful?" she asked, batting her eyes.

"Very," Cat replied. "Are you married?" she asked the teacher.

"Yes, I am, but my husband and I have a pretty open relationship... you know, we have agreed to look the other way, so to speak. He's the bartender at the local saloon, and he meets lots of 'those kind of women', so I figure - why put him under the stress of being faithful when the temptations are so great? Heck - I don't mind if he doesn't," Jennifer explained.

Cat's eyebrows climbed high on her forehead as she listened to the teacher's description of her marriage. "Oh really!" she heard herself say.

"Yes. It works out quite well. No guilt - lots of freedom. The arrangement suits us both," Jennifer said before changing the subject. "So... according to the town records, you two are married and you have three kids?" she asked.

"Yes. Billie and I have been married for, let me see... almost 11 years now. We have a 17 year old son, Seth, a 15 year old daughter, Tara, and an 11 year old daughter, Skylar," Cat explained.

"You've been married for 11 years, yet you have 17 and 15 year olds?" Jennifer questioned.

"Seth belongs to Billie... and both of the girls actually belong to me," Cat explained, "... Seth was only six, and Tara was four when we met. We were married not too long after Skylar was born."

"So you were pregnant with Skylar when you met?" Jennifer surmised.

"No - that happened after we met. It's a bit complicated to explain," Cat supplied when she noticed the confused look on Jennifer's face.

"So where is Billy now?" Jennifer asked.

"Billie's gone to town right now to check on some business at the saloon," Cat explained.

A knowing look crossed Jennifer's face. "Business at the saloon?" she repeated.

"No, no, no!" Cat said, quickly realizing how that must have sounded. "Billie actually has business with the saloon owner - not in the saloon itself," she corrected herself.

"Will Billie be home soon?" Jennifer asked. "I'd like to speak to the two of you about the kids starting school next week."

"Billie should be home any second now. How about I pour us another cup of tea while we wait?" Cat suggested.

"Sounds great!" Jennifer replied. "So, Cat. What do you do with yourself all day while Billie is working the farm?" she asked.

"Actually, I'm the new doctor in town," Cat replied, trying hard not to sound smug.

"Well.... I'm impressed!" Jennifer exclaimed, leaning in close to Cat. "So how is the town getting used to Dr. Charland - Medicine Woman?" she asked.

"So far things have been fine... but I've only been open for a month, so time will tell," Cat answered.

"Do you make house calls?" Jennifer asked as her eyebrows danced up and down on her forehead.

"Jennifer Swenson, are you flirting with me?" Cat asked boldly.

"Please - call me Jen... and what if I am?" Jen replied.

"Have you forgotten I'm a married woman?" Cat asked.

"So am I, sweetheart... so am I," Jen quipped.

Cat rose from her seat and walked toward the door. "Miss Swenson, I think you'd better leave, now," she said. Reaching for the door handle, she yanked it open to expose Billie standing on the other side about to open the door herself.

"Aaahhh!" Cat screamed, startled at the unexpected surprise. "My god Billie! You scared the shit out of me!" she yelled.

Billie stepped inside and took Cat by the shoulders. "Sorry love. I didn't do it on purpose," she said, pulling Cat into an embrace and kissing her on top of the head.

"This is Billie? Cat - you've haven't been totally honest with me," Jen said, still seated at the table with a big grin on her face. "Damn, woman! This makes things so much more interesting!"

Having not noticed a third person in the room until Jen spoke, Billie's attention was immediately drawn to the woman.

Cat, who was still wrapped in Billie's arms, looked into her wife's face and noticed the bulging eyes and drool starting at the corner of her mouth. From the expression on Billie's face, it was painfully clear to Cat that Billie thought this woman was stunning.

Cat elbowed Billie in the ribs, soliciting a controlled "ummph" from the taller woman.

"Ah... Ah, Cat, you didn't tell me we had company," Billie said.

"Oh yeah, Billie - I forgot - we have company. Meet Jennifer Swenson, the new teacher," Cat said, making the introductions.

Jennifer rose from the table and walked very seductively toward Billie. "It's so nice to meet you Miss....," Jen said.

"Charland... Billie Charland... and the pleasure is all mine," Billie stammered, shaking Jen's hand.

Billie released her hand and quickly took off her hat. "Can we offer you some coffee... tea? Billie asked.

"Been there - done that!" Cat interjected dryly. "Miss Swenson was just leaving," she added.

"I'm in no hurry," Jen said. "Actually, Billie, I stopped to talk to you and your lovely wife about your children starting school next week. It is a town tradition to start the school year just after the traveling circus passes through - which I do believe is this weekend. Are you going?" she asked, batting her eyes at the tall woman.

"Ah... Ah... sure! We'll be there. You wanted to meet your mom and dad there anyway, right Cat?" Billie replied a little too enthusiastically for Cat's tastes. "Maybe we could go together?" she suggested.

"Oh! That would be wonderful!" Jen gushed, placing her hand on Billie's arm. "I am so looking forward to it!"

If looks could kill, Billie and Jen would be six feet under.

"Now, about school starting next week..." Jen said.

"Oh! Yes... yes," Billie exclaimed. "I'll put on some coffee," she said. "Come, have a seat!"

"I'd love some coffee!" Jen said excitedly as she allowed Billie to escort her to the table. "Oooo, you are a tall one, aren't you?"

Billie blushed under this beautiful woman's praise while Cat mentally dug a grave for both of them.

**********

"Cat! Come on... open the door," Billie begged.

"Go sleep with Jennifer," Cat yelled from the other side of the door.

"Oh for crying out loud, Cat. You were there - nothing happened!" Billie defended herself.

The door suddenly flung open. "Your damned right I was there, and the seduction going on right in front of my eyes was the most disgusting thing I have ever lived through in my life - except maybe jumping into that pile of cow shit this morning!" Cat countered. "And now we're stuck taking the slut to the circus with us!"

Cat retreated into the bedroom, closely followed by Billie, who shut the door behind them.

"Cat, you know I could never be unfaithful to you. I was just shocked when I first saw her. You've got to admit that she's beautiful," Billie pointed out.

"Yes she is. Do you know she hit on me just before you got home? Wanna know how I handled it? I asked her to leave. I was showing her the door at the exact moment you showed up," Cat informed her tall wife. "I have to admit that I too was mesmerized by her beauty, but I didn't let it get the best of me like you did."

Billie sat on the edge of their bed and stared at the floor. Cat was right - she had drooled like a schoolgirl when she saw the woman. "I'm sorry, Cat," she said, looking at her wife with sincere regret on her face. "You're right. I let her reel me in, but I swear to you... I swear on your life - on our kids lives - that I would never be unfaithful to you. You are my life, Cat. Without you I would die. Forgive me?" she asked, holding her arms open to Cat.

Cat wavered for just a moment before running into Billie's arms. "Billie, if I thought I was losing you... my god, I can't even imagine how much it would hurt," Cat cried.

Billie held her close. "You won't lose me Cat. I will always love you. I will always be with you. I promise," Billie whispered.

The ladies held each other for long moments before Cat remembered Billie's mission earlier in the day. Still enveloped in her lover's arms, she looked into the dark haired woman's face. "Did you find anything at the saloon that might help locate Melinda?" Cat asked.

"Damn!" Billie exclaimed. "I was so caught up in the visit with Jennifer that I forgot the box I left in the truck. Stay here - I'll be right back," she said, heading out the door.

Moments later, Billie returned carrying a large box which she threw on the bed. "Janice dug this box out of storage. Hopefully we'll find some clues to Melinda's disappearance inside. Janice will be searching their home and asking questions around town while I look for clues in these papers. Wanna help me go through it?" she asked Cat.

Cat looked closely at Billie and noticed a familiar gleam in her eyes - a gleam that was always present when Billie was caught up in a case. Cat smiled broadly. "Sure!" she exclaimed, hopping on the bed and throwing the box open.

"Let's see what we've got," Billie said as she reached for the first handful of papers. Pulling them out, she gave half of them to Cat. "We should probably sort them into piles... bills, correspondence, legal documents, and such," Billie suggested. "We'll go through them individually after they're sorted."

"Okay," Cat replied as she applied herself to the task.

After sorting through her first stack of papers, Cat reached into the box for another. "Oooh... what's this?" she asked as her hand made contact with an object. Pulling it out, she held it up for Billie to see. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed before quickly dropping it on the bed. "Ewwwwww!" she cried in disgust.

"What is it Cat?" Billie asked, reaching for it.

"Don't touch it! We don't know where its been!" Cat said quickly.

Billie picked it up anyway, and held it up in the light. Both women were momentarily mesmerized as they watched it flop back and forth. "Holy shit! It's a dildo! Damn! What else is in that box?" she asked.

Cat and Billie both dove into the box, pushing the papers aside to see what other surprises they would find. Between them, they came up with a pair of handcuffs, a small riding crop, a blindfold and some rope.

"Well, I'll be! I guess there's more to those two old ladies than we thought!" Billie remarked as she looked at their finds.

"Billie! This is gross! They've got to be 70 years old for Christ's sake!" Cat exclaimed.

"Cat... sweetheart - do you realize that could be us in about 40 years? I sure hope we're still enjoying toys like this when we get to be their age," Billie quipped.

Cat's face turned red with embarrassment. "Billie, we don't enjoy toys like this now!" she pointed out.

Billie's eyebrows raised high on her forehead. "Well, I guess that's a situation we'll have to remedy - don't cha think?"

Cat smiled broadly - excited anticipation in her eyes. "Now yer talking! One problem though - you think I'm loud now - wait until you come at me with something like that!" she said, pointing out the 10-inch rubber dildo lying on the bed. "You'll have to put a gag on me!"

"Or we could find a special place to use it... like maybe the hayloft?" Billie suggested.

"Oh yeah - just what I need to put me in the mood - the overpowering stench of cow shit!" Cat moaned.

"Sweetheart, if that thing has the desired effect, the last thing you'll be thinking of is the smell of cow shit!" Billie exclaimed.

"If you can succeed in blocking out that god-awful smell simply by using Mr. Wiggles over there, I'd gladly move our whole bedroom into the barn!" Cat joked before adding, "I wonder where we'd get stuff like this around here?"

"I don't know. We could always ask Janice, I guess," Billie suggested.

"That sounds like a job for you. I would die of embarrassment!" Cat replied.

"Anything that can block out the smell of cow shit is worth the embarrassment!" Billie declared. "I'll do it - I'm not shy... and besides, if you do it, she just might proposition you!"

"Well, depending on how talented she is with these toys - I might not mind. Maybe I should ask her!" Cat teased.

"Oh no, no, no, no," Billie replied, leaning in to capture Cat's face between her hands. "If you're gonna be anyone's love slave, you're gonna be mine."

"Oh really?" Cat asked. "Well, I guess you'd better start lording over me before I get too big for my britches," Cat said seductively.

"If you get too big for your britches, I'll just take them off you. The whip stings more on bare flesh than through clothing anyway," Billie said huskily.

A sudden wave of desire passed through Cat as she nearly crumbled where she sat. "Oh god. Quick! Help me get rid of these papers," she said, undoing all their hard work by haphazardly throwing the papers back into the box.

"What about these?" Billie asked, referring to the pile of toys they had collected.

Hesitating for just a moment, she replied, "Throw Mr. Wiggles in with the papers - like I said, we don't know where he's been. As for the rest of the toys....."

**********

The next morning found Cat and Billie lounging in bed for as long as possible, neither ready to rise with the chickens when they had stayed awake so late the night before.

Reaching her arms above her head, Cat stretched lazily while Billie lay on her back, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Looking up, Billie suddenly reached for and grabbed Cat's arm. "Cat... Oh god, Kitten, I'm so sorry," she said, bringing Cat's hand down to her mouth for tender kisses.

"What? What is it, Billie?" Cat asked, not understanding what had upset her wife.

"Look at your wrists," Billie replied, holding Cat's hand above them once more.

Sure enough, both of Cat's wrists were bruised.

Cat smiled broadly. "I guess I struggled against those ropes just a little too hard last night, huh?" she asked, giggling.

"Or maybe I tied them too tight," Billie suggested.

Cat rolled onto her side to face the taller woman. "Oh no, my love. They were tied perfectly. Any looser and I might have struggled free during my punishment."

It was Billie's turn to shudder with desire as the memories they had created from the night before came flooding in. "Cat, if you keep talking like that, Seth will be milking the cows on his own this morning," Billie warned.

"Mmmmm, I don't have a problem with that," Cat murmured as she snuggled deep into Billie's neck, nipping lightly on her shoulder.

"Oh god! Cat - please. As much as I'd love to make love to you all day...." Billie pointed out.

"Promise me you'll talk to Janice today about the toys," Cat demanded.

"I promise," Billie replied as she rolled over on top of Cat, pinning her to the bed with her long frame and a searing kiss that made Cat's toes curl. "I'll buy a Mr. Wiggles... and a harness too!" Billie teased.

"A harness?" Cat asked.

Billie lifted her head to look into Cat's face. "Yeah - kind of like 'Snap-On Tools'- ya know what I mean?" she replied, grinning.

Cat laughed out loud then slapped Billie's bare butt. "You'd better get moving before Seth comes in here to collect you," she said.

"I'm going... I'm going!" Billie whined as she climbed off Cat and proceeded to get herself dressed. "I'll be back in a while with milk for breakfast. Maybe after morning chores we can do a better job of sorting those papers?" she asked hopefully.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Cat replied, stretching once more before pulling her own lazy butt out of bed.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER V

As soon as Billie left for the barn, Cat started sorting the large pile of papers Jancie had retrieved from Melinda's storage room. By the time Billie returned from doing chores, she had them neatly sorted by type - bills, correspondence, legal papers and miscellaneous documentation.

Walking into the kitchen, Billie kissed Cat deep and hard, then retrieved a cup of coffee for both of them. Handing one to Cat, she took a sip from her own then looked at the neat stacks of paper on the table. "Good job," she commented. "Now all we have to do is go through each of them, looking for clues."

"Well, I guess we'd better get started," Cat said before sitting down and digging in.

Both ladies began to read, casting aside what appeared to be ordinary paperwork... bills, thank-you notes for patrons who had enjoyed a show and the such, until they were down to a pile about half the size of the original.

"Well, all that seems to be left are some receipts, tax papers, a few legal documents... oh, and this stack of love letters from Janice," Cat said.

"Love letters, huh? Let's save those for later. Okay - hand over the receipts... maybe there's something interesting there," Billie replied. "Cat - maybe it would be a good idea to list the bills on a separate piece of paper, then we'll have an overall look at where the money is going. Maybe something will jump out at us from the list," she suggested.

Cat smiled at the anal nature of her wife. "All right. I'll be right back," Cat agreed as she went to fetch a paper and pen. Sitting back down again, she poised the pen over paper. "Okay - shoot!" she instructed.

Billie picked up the first bill and read it thoroughly. "Let's see, here's one for $200.00 paid to Joseph Carlson three weeks ago for services rendered. I wonder what that's all about?" she asked out loud as she put the bill aside.

"There's nothing on the bill indicating what it's for?" Cat asked, picking it up and scanning it for herself.

"Nope! Put an asterisk next to that one as being suspicious," Billie said before moving on to the next one.

"Here's one for $4,036.29 from a place called 'Le Bistro', for 'accessories'. That one is dated about two weeks ago. Again - no clue as to what the accessories are," Billie commented. "Another suspicious one."

Cat placed as asterisk beside that entry as well.

By the time the ladies had finished going through the receipts, they had asterisks beside more items than not.... several of them for services rendered to Joseph Carlson.

"I wonder who this Carlson person is, Billie," Cat said. "Services rendered can be anything. Each one of these was paid by Melinda - not Janice. It makes me wonder if maybe Melinda is swinging both ways," she suggested.

Billie looked at Cat questioningly. "Are you suggesting that Melinda is cheating on Janice - with a man?" she asked.

"Anything is possible, Billie," she replied.

"So how would that explain her disappearance?" Billie questioned.

"Well, I guess we should also determine if this Carlson guy has disappeared as well," Cat threw out.

"Hmmm... I never looked at it that way. It seems I have some follow up to do on these purchases," Billie remarked as she reviewed the list. "I'm going to run into town. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Billie asked.

"No, I don't think so," Cat replied as Billie rose from the table. "Oh... wait a minute. While you're in town, why don't you inquire about tickets to the traveling circus. It starts tomorrow. You might as well buy one for each of us. I'm sure the kids will want to go as well," Cat said.

"Will do!" Billie replied as she leaned down to kiss her wife. "I'll be back this afternoon. Wish me luck!"

**********

Billie spent the better part of the afternoon checking public records for information on Joseph Carlson. Getting directions to his house from the town post office clerk, she found her way there and knocked loudly on the door several times - to no avail. "Damn!" she swore under her breath. "Now what?"

"Are you looking for Joe?" came a voice from behind her.

Turning around quickly, Billie came face to face with a very pretty blonde woman.

"Amy?" Billie asked, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her.

The woman narrowed her eyes at Billie. "Yes... and you are?...." Amy returned.

"Billie. You know - Billie Charland. Your sister's wife?" Billie replied.

"My sister's wife. What have you been smoking?" Amy asked.

"I haven't been smoking anything, although the way this day is going, it's sounding pretty damned tempting right now! Amy - don't you recognize me? I'm married to your sister, Cat," Billie explained.

"You're married to my sister, Cat," Amy repeated. "I don't have a sister named Cat," she added, "but whoever this Cat is - she's a lucky lady. You are one tall, dark gorgeous chick!" Amy exclaimed, looking Billie up and down. "I'm creaming my jeans just looking at you!"

"That's funny," Billie said. "You look like Amy, you act like Amy, you even sound like Amy - so why don't you remember me?"

"Listen, sweetheart - you I would remember," Amy said. "So tell me - why are you looking for Joe?" she asked.

"I need to talk to him about some money he's been receiving," Billie replied.

Amy's eyes narrowed. "Is he in trouble or something?" she asked.

"I can't say at this point. All I know is that he received lots of money for 'services rendered'," Billie explained.

"Services rendered?" Amy asked.

"Yes - that's what I said. Do you always repeat everything that is said to you?" Billie asked.

"Do I always repeat.... er, no - not always. Look, Miss..." Amy began.

"Charland," Billie supplied.

"Look, Miss Charland, Joe's not here. He left a few days ago for God knows where. He left a note for me tacked to his door, because he knew I'd be in town today. I've been traveling with the circus for the past month. We needed a break from each other - you know, to rethink our relationship. Now I'm back and ready to make it work, and I find him gone. No explanation - just a note saying he'd be gone for a few days. Now some hot chick is looking for him as well and paying him for 'services rendered'. So what am I to think? Are you sleeping with my man, Miss Charland?" Amy asked.

Billie knocked lightly on the woman's forehead. "Hello!! Anybody home? Didn't I say I was married to your sister? Can you say lesbian? For crying out loud - why would I want to sleep with your man? Jumping Geronimo! Is everyone in this town half off their rockers?" Billie asked before forcing herself to calm down. "Look, Amy. If Joe returns, tell him to contact me at the old McCoy farm, okay? It's really important," Billie said as she wrote her name down on the back of the business card the mayor had given her a few days earlier.

"What-ever!" Amy replied as she accepted the card and watched Billie walk away.

**********

Billie was very disappointed by the time she walked from Joe's house to the center of town. The only thing she had learned so far was that Joe and Melinda were both unavailable, leading her to wonder if Cat was right about a possible connection. As she walked, she pondered her next move. So engrossed was she in her thought process, she ran smack dab into a woman passing out flyers by the side of the street. The flyers flew (no pun intended) from the woman's hands, all over the ground.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Billie exclaimed as she immediately stooped to collect the loose flyers, handing them to the woman as she picked them up. "I'm such a klutz some times. I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I wasn't paying any attention," she rambled on as she picked up the mess she had caused. Within moments, she reached for the last one and stood to hand it over, looking the woman square in the face. "Bridget!" she exclaimed.

"Yes my child," Bridget replied. "You've heard of me?"

"Heard of you? Oh yes. It's me - Billie... Billie Charland?" Billie said. "You know - your sister-in-law?"

"Billie! How nice to see you! My name is Bridget Richardson and I am handing out flyers urging people to attend my husband's sermons tomorrow at the fair grounds. We take this opportunity every year when the circus comes to town to preach the evils of smoke, drink and sex. The demon Beelzebub lives in each glass of whiskey, each cigarette and in the hearts of lusty of men and women. He's lurking in the shadows, just waiting for a weak moment to pounce."

Billie's eyes widened as she listened to the words coming from Bridget's mouth. Raising her hand, she waited for a break in the woman's rambling to say, "Let me guess - your husband's name is Kevin, right?"

"So you know the Reverend?! How wonderful!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Reverend? Kevin is a reverend?" Billie asked incredulously.

"Oh my, yes! He is such a great man! So good and loving, pious and saintly! His only mission in life is to save the souls of the wicked," Bridget declared.

"Kevin... Kevin Richardson. About five foot ten, maybe 200 pounds, dark hair... are we talking about the same guy?" Billie asked.

"That sounds like the Reverend!" Bridget replied perkily. "So you'll come to the sermon?" she asked, handing one of the flyers back to Billie.

Billie looked at the paper in her hand and grinned. "Oh yeah - I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said, anticipating with glee sharing the news with Cat that their Neanderthal, redneck, sexist brother-in-law had found religion.

"Okay Billie. I guess I need to get back to work passing out these flyers. No rest for the weary!" Bridget quipped. "We'll see you at the circus tomorrow! God bless you, my child!" she added before moving on.

"I need a drink!" Billie said out loud as she watched Bridget walk away. "This is just too creepy!"

Crossing the street, Billie headed straight for the saloon. As she walked in, she noticed Janice at her usual corner table, playing poker with 'the boys'. Billie thought it was odd that in light of Melinda's disappearance, Janice still found the time and desire to play cards. Sauntering up to the bar, she ordered two whiskeys, one for herself, which she downed in one gulp, and the other for Janice.

Thanking the bartender, Billie grabbed the second shot and headed toward the corner table. When she reached her destination, she placed the drink in front of Janice, who was collecting her winnings from the last hand. "We need to talk," she said to the older woman.

Janice looked into Billie's eyes, then at the men seated around the table. "That'll be it for today boys. I've got some important business to take care of," she said. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

Without argument the men picked up their winnings and left.

"They're well trained," Billie commented.

"Like sheep to the slaughter," Janice replied. "So, Billie, you didn't come here to talk about my poker buddies. What have you found?" she asked.

"Not much at this point," Billie said, sitting across from Janice. "Janice, what do you know about Melinda's spending habits?" she asked.

Janice shook her head. "Melinda is a wealthy woman. She comes from money - tobacco money. She received a very large inheritance when her father died. She's always handled the financial end of things and I never had any reason to care how she spent her money. Why do you ask?" Janice inquired.

Not wanting to alarm Janice too much if she was wrong, she gave the woman a noncommittal answer. "I'm still grasping at this point, Janice. Cat and I were going through the box of papers you gave me yesterday and found a lot of receipts with incomplete information, that's all. I'll let you know when I have something more concrete."

"Well, I've got something more concrete for you. Take a look at this," Janice said, sliding a folded piece of paper toward Billie.

Billie's brow knit as she opened the paper. Inside was a note composed of letters clipped from newspapers.

"Melinda's fate is in your hands. Heed my warning! You hold the key. Give the key to me and I'll give her back to you," Billie read. "Where did you get this?" she asked.

"I found it lying here when I came in for my afternoon poker game. No one in the joint noticed anyone placing it here - I've already asked," Janice replied.

Billie sat back and contemplated the note once more before slipping it into her pocket. "Well, one implication of this note is that Melinda is still alive," Billie pointed out. "Janice, I think it might be time to call in the law before something bad happens to her."

"I can't, Billie. I'm afraid bringing the law into this would just anger the kidnappers. They had better treat her well or they'll have me to deal with," Janice said firmly.

"I hear you, Janice," Billie replied, rising to her feet. "Well, I'd better be going. I have to check out tickets for the circus tomorrow before I head home," she added.

Janice looked up at Billie. "You don't need tickets - it's free admission," she said. "They bleed you dry once you're inside though! There's a bunch of flyers at the end of the bar - grab one on your way out. Are you taking the family?" the older woman asked.

"Yes, Cat and the kids and I... oh, and the new school teacher, Jennifer Swenson is coming with us," Billie provided.

Janice's eyebrows arched high. "The new teacher, eh? Now there's one booty-licious babe! I'll bet all the boys in her class will be sporting little woodies all day long! Did you know she's married to the bartender over there? From what I hear, they have a pretty open marriage, ya know what I mean?" Janice said, winking knowingly at Billie.

"She is certainly a beautiful woman," Billie replied, remembering the trouble she had gotten herself into the day before due to that very fact. Thinking she'd probably be in the doghouse again if she didn't make it back in time for evening chores, Billie made her excuses once more and turned to go, only to stop as another thought came to her.

"Oh, by the way, Janice - Cat and I found some... ah... toys in the box you sent home with me yesterday, and I, ah... I promised Cat I would ask you where one could buy such things around here," Billie said, turning red to the roots of her hair.

Janice frowned, not immediately understanding what Billie was referring to. Suddenly the light dawned and Janice threw her head back in laughter.

Billie didn't like being laughed at one bit as she patiently waited for the older woman to recover her composure.

"Got you hot, did they?" Janice asked pointedly as she wiped the tears of laughter from her face.

"Well, ah..." Billie stammered - her reaction speaking louder than words.

"That's okay. They have the same effect on Mel and me. You didn't use Big Ben, did you?" Janice asked, suddenly serious.

"Big Ben? Oh... oh - you mean, Mr. Wiggles!" Billie responded. "No, we didn't - but the rest of the toys were quite entertaining."

"That they are, my girl! That they are!" Janice exclaimed. "Keeps a lady young and chipper. So... you want to buy a few of your own, huh?"

"Well, Cat...," Billie said haltingly.

"Cat, schmat! You want them as much as she does," Janice correctly observed, making Billie blush once more. "Anyway, you'll need to go to the next town to buy them. I forget the name of the store, but I'll get the address for you. Unfortunately, there's no store around here that sells them - at least not yet," she added.

"Not yet? What do you mean by that?" Billie asked.

"I don't mean anything by it," Janice replied quickly - too quickly. "It's just that sooner or later this town has to graduate from the stone age and provide modern conveniences like running water, electricity and dildos! It's inevitable!" she added. "Anyway, I'll get that address for you. I'll be at the circus tomorrow myself, so I'll give it to you then."

"Okay - thanks, and have a good evening," Billie said, excusing herself before leaving.

**********

When Billie arrived home, she entered the house to find Seth wrapping Cat's foot in an ace bandage. Immediately going to her wife's side, she realized that Cat also sported a dark bruise on her forehead. "My god, Cat, what happened?" she asked.

"I tried to stop her, Mom, but she wouldn't listen," Seth said as he worked on Cat's foot.

"Traitor!" Cat said to her son.

"What happened, Cat?" Billie asked again.

"I'd rather not say," she replied, haughtily.

"Seth?" Billie asked.

"She thought she'd save you some work by plowing the north field for you, but the tractor kind of got out of control and she ran into the barn with it," Seth explained. "She flew off the tractor and splat right into the side of the barn," he added, trying hard to hide a smile.

"She ran into the barn?" Billie repeated. "How on earth did you run into the barn?" she asked Cat.

"It wasn't my fault," Cat insisted. "My foot became wedged under the gas pedal."

Billie stood there with her hands on her hips. "Cat - you don't steer a tractor with your feet. Wedging your foot under the gas pedal should not cause it to run into things," Billie pointed out.

"Well... I wasn't paying attention. I was focusing on getting my foot unstuck and I wasn't looking where the tractor was going. Next thing I know, I'm airborne, then flat out horizontal on my back in the dirt," Cat explained.

Billie took a deep breath and composed herself. "Is it broken?" she asked Seth as he finished wrapping her foot.

"Ah... did you forget I'm the doctor here?" Cat asked sarcastically. "No - it isn't broken. It feels more like a sprain."

"That's good. How's your head?" Billie questioned as she examined the dark bruise.

"Hurts like hell to touch, and I'm sure it looks nasty, but I'll be fine," Cat replied.

"How bad is the barn?" she asked Seth directly.

"Ah... I think I'll go lay down for a while," Cat said, trying to escape the tirade she knew would be forthcoming.

"Oh no you don't... you sit right back down there," Billie instructed. "So, Seth - how bad is the barn?" she asked again.

"Well, let just say you can drive the truck straight through from one end to the other without opening any doors. The tractor finally died when it hit the chicken coop," Seth replied. "Luckily, none of the animals were injured," he concluded.

"You ran the tractor straight through the barn and into the chicken coop?" Billie asked incredulously.

"Those chickens are evil anyway," Cat replied in her defense.

"Cat - you are lucky you didn't kill yourself in the process," Billie pointed out.

"Oh that wouldn't have happened - I flew off the tractor when it first impacted the barn. The tractor did the rest of the damage without me," Cat pointed out. "It has a mind of its own, Billie. You should have warned me the tractor was possessed," she added.

"Aarrgghh!" Billie growled before composing herself. "Okay... okay, we can fix this," she said in an effort to convince herself it couldn't possibly be as bad as it sounded. "Seth, we'll need to put up some temporary barricades so the cows don't get out. The chickens should be fine running around on their own for a few days until we can rebuild their coop."

"You're going to let those demons run around loose? What if they attack me when I go outside?" Cat complained.

"Well then, I guess you'll have to stay in the house - and out of trouble!" Billie retorted. "Come on, Seth - we've got some work to do before sunset."

With that, Billie and Seth headed toward the barn while Cat held her breath. She didn't have to hold it long as Billie's reaction rang loud and clear across the barnyard.

"Aaaaaahhhhhhh! Oh my god! This is in-fucking-credible! How can one tractor do so much damage?" came a loud shout through the open window as Cat quickly limped away to hide in the bedroom.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VI

It was well past dark before Billie and Seth managed to erect a barricade secure enough to contain the cows until repairs could be done on the barn.

Coming into the house, sweaty, dirty and tired, Billie and Seth both collapsed at the table where the rest of the family had already gathered to eat dinner.

"You two need to clean up before you eat," Cat said to them.

"Aw, Ma! I'm hungry," Seth complained.

"I don't care! I won't have you sitting there covered with dirt and passing dishes of food around the table. Now scoot! Hands and face at the very least!" she instructed.

Rolling their eyes at each other, Seth and Billie both rose from their chairs and went to wash in the basin before returning to the table.

"That's better," Cat observed as she placed heaping plates of food in front of her wife and son. "Now eat up - you two worked hard today."

Returning to her seat next to Billie, Cat placed her napkin on her lap and looked around table. "Eat up, girls, there's plenty," she said to Tara and Skylar.

"Thanks, Ma," Tara said as she helped herself to seconds.

"Bille, did you think to get tickets to the circus while you were in town?" Cat asked.

"The circus? Cool! When is it?" Tara asked, suddenly excited about the dinner conversation.

"Tomorrow at the fair grounds. Apparently it's a big event for this town," Cat explained.

"According to Janice, there's no admission fee. You just show up," Billie explained. "Oh - I picked up this flyer at the saloon. It tells about some of the events and exhibits," she added, digging the flyer out of her back pocket and handing it over to Cat.

Cat placed her fork beside her plate and accepted the flyer from Billie. "Let's see here," she said. "It says there will be musicians, comedians, dancers, contortionists, acrobats, vaudeville acts, performing animals, ventriloquists, magic tricks, puppet shows, fortune telling, a freak show, carnival rides, vendors and a medicine show. Medicine show? I wonder what that is?" Cat mused.

"Wow - it sounds like fun!" Skylar exclaimed. "I wanna see the freak show and go on the rides!" she added enthusiastically.

"Apparently, there will also be a preacher there - remind me to tell you about that later, Cat," Billie said, indicating the children shouldn't be privy to that particular conversation.

Cat looked at Billie and nodded, picking up on the hidden meaning of her wife's words.

"What time are we going?" Seth asked.

"Right after chores and breakfast," Billie replied. "We'll make a day of it."

"I can't wait! Can Kelly come?" Tara asked.

"I don't see why not. Oh - and the new teacher, Ms. Swenson is coming with us as well," Billie replied receiving a kick in the shins under the table from Cat. "Ow! What was that for?" she exclaimed.

Totally ignoring her wife's question, Cat piped in, "Speaking of Ms. Swenson, school starts next week. We'll need to go into town on Sunday to outfit each of you with new clothes."

"Ms. Swenson is a major babe!" Seth commented.

"Miss Janice thinks she's booty-licious," Billie replied, sharing a 'guy' moment with her son, causing them both to chuckle.

"I agree!" offered Tara.

"Ah... like I was saying," Cat interrupted, not wanting to hear how hot the new slut/teacher was, "we need to go into town Sunday for new school clothes and supplies." The look she threw at Billie sent a very loud and clear message that any further discussions about Jennifer Swenson would cease and desist immediately.

**********

Billie climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her neck. "Ah, this feels soooo good. I am beat," she said, extending one arm as an invitation for Cat to join her.

Cat climbed into the other side and snuggled against Billie, resting her head on the taller woman's shoulder. "Hmmmm," Cat murmured as she draped her arm across Billie's waist and squeezed her tightly. "I love this time of day... just you and I - the kids are safe and in bed, the house is quiet... and we have time to share our days with each other. So, my love, how was your day?" she asked.

"Other than coming home and finding the barn destroyed?" Billie asked.

"Yeah - other than that," Cat replied.

"Well, like I implied at dinner tonight, I learned some interesting things. First, I searched the town records for information on Carlson, and all I found was his address, which I had to ask the postal clerk for directions to. I get there and he isn't home, but lo and behold - who do I run into, but your sister Amy," Billie began.

Cat's head popped up. "Amy? What is she doing here?" Cat asked.

"Good question! It seems that she's Joe Carlson's girlfriend, or wife, or something. Anyway, she's traveling with the circus and just got home - only to find him gone. He left a note saying he'd be out of town for a few days," Billie explained.

"Ah ha! See - I was right about Melinda having an affair with him!" Cat exclaimed.

"Not so fast, Cat. We don't know that yet. All we know is that they're both missing," Billie pointed out.

"So how is Amy? Did you invite her over? Where is she staying?" Cat asked.

"Well, the funny thing is, she didn't know who I was - just like with Drew. And it gets better... after I left Amy, I went back into town to search for more clues and I literally ran into your sister Bridget, who was passing out flyers in the street advertising some religious event being held at the circus tomorrow." Billie paused to catch her breath.

"Well, Amy always did call her Mother Superior. So, did Bridget know you?" Cat asked.

"At first I thought she did, but then she introduced herself to me using both her first and last names, so I think it's safe to assume that she had no clue who I was. By this time, I was really creeped out, but what Bridget said to me next gave me the heebee-geebees," Billie said, shivering at the memory.

"Pray tell, what did she say?" Cat asked.

"Believe it or not, the religious event she was advertising is actually being run by Kevin! Correction- the honorable Reverend Kevin Richardson, whom she claims is... and I quote, 'good and loving, pious and saintly whose mission in life is to save the souls of the wicked.' Cat - I wanted to puke! Kevin may be a lot of things, but words like sexist, bigoted, lazy and redneck come to mind much quicker than good, loving, pious and saintly! Anyway, he's supposed to be organizing these sermons at the circus tomorrow. That is one event I definitely want to check out!" Billie exclaimed.

Cat squeezed Billie a little tighter. "Billie, something odd is going on here. Why would all three of my sisters act like we were total strangers? And what was it Drew said about Mom and Dad?... that Dad sells medicine and Mom dances for men? Something very strange is going on here," Cat vowed.

"Well, it sounds like Amy and Bridget will be at the fairgrounds tomorrow. We should confront both of them once more. Oh - and Janice will be there as well. I stopped into the saloon to see her today. She promised to give me the address of the toy store tomorrow," Billie said.

"Toy store?" Cat replied just as she realized what Billie was referring to. "Oh! Oh, I get it - the toy store. Good! We'll have to arrange a special shopping trip as soon as possible," Cat suggested.

"Oh yeah!" Billie replied lecherously.

"So what did Janice have to say about Melinda's disappearance? Any new news from the kidnappers?" Cat asked.

"Actually, yes - someone left a note on her poker table today telling her she had the key to Melinda's return. It was a really odd note made from letters cut out of newspapers," Billie answered.

"Billie, maybe it's time Janice involve the Sheriff," Cat suggested.

"She won't. She's afraid that would anger the kidnappers and they'd end up hurting Melinda - or worse. I guess I'm kind of straddling the fence on this one Cat. I've seen it work both ways... sometimes involving the law helps - and sometimes it makes things worse. Janice doesn't want to take that chance, and I guess I can see her point," Billie explained.

"Billie, how are we going to find her? Do you have any idea yet what might have happened to her?" Cat asked.

"Cat, the only lead we have so far is Joe Carlson. Other than that, I'm afraid I'm clueless," Billie confessed.

"Well, we haven't finished going through Melinda's papers yet. Maybe we'll find something new there," Cat said hopefully.

"Maybe," Billie replied, stifling a yawn. "Damn! I'm tired!"

"Time to sleep, my love," Cat said, placing a gentle kiss on Billie's cheek. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Good night, Cat. I love you," Billie responded.

"I love you too, Billie," Cat replied before both ladies drifted off to sleep.

**********

"Pile in, kids!" Billie said the next morning as the three children climbed excitedly into the back of the pickup.

"Billie, do you even know where Jennifer lives?" Cat asked.

Billie looked at Cat. "I thought you knew!" she replied.

"Nope! I guess she can find her own way to the circus," Cat said happily.

"Cat! That's not very nice! We'll have to go into town and ask Fred - the bartender at the saloon," Billie suggested.

"You want her, don't you?" Cat accused Billie.

"What!? Cat, how could you even ask something like that?" Billie replied, aghast.

"Miss Swenson is a babe! Miss Swenson is booty-licious! Sound familiar? And now you insist we go out of our way to find out where this woman lives so we can cart her hot booty-licious slutty babe ass to the circus!" Cat pointed out.

"Come on, Mom, let's go!" Seth yelled from the back of the truck.

Billie could feel the anger rise in her chest at being falsely accused. Slamming the truck into drive, she lurched the vehicle forward, causing the kids to slide all over the back end. "Sorry!" she yelled out the window as they regained their seating and held on for the ride.

"Cat, that isn't fair," Billie said to Cat without taking her eyes off the road. "You know that isn't true."

"Do I Billie? Why is it then, when she's around... no, when her name is even mentioned, you and Seth both turn into giant salivary glands?" Cat asked.

Billie had no immediate answer for Cat's accusation - primarily because she was right. She didn't know what it was about the Swenson woman. It seemed that she had the power to invoke instant lust in men, boys and lesbians everywhere.... except, it appeared - in Cat.

"Cat - she has that affect on everyone... at least everyone I've talked to about her," Billie said in her own defense.

"Oh, I see! So now you're talking about her to others?" Cat asked accusingly.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Billie replied. "Cat - just because I've talked about her to others doesn't mean I was the one who brought her up! Damn it woman! Why are you so jealous?" Billie asked.

"I'm not jealous, Billie," Cat insisted.

"Yes you are! Otherwise you'd appreciate Jen's sexiness instead of being threatened by it!" Billie pointed out.

"You think she's sexy?" Cat asked.

"You're damned right I do! And if you were honest with yourself, you'd admit you find her sexy too!" Billie replied.

Cat sat there in silence, looking at her hands as Billie drove.

"Cat - talk to me," Billie demanded.

"She's prettier than I am, isn't she?" Cat asked softly.

"No - she isn't," Billie replied without hesitation.

"Then why..." Cat began.

"Look, Cat," Billie interrupted. "Jen has a dangerous, sexy aura about her that makes her appear excitingly enticing, but anyone in their right mind knows falling for that type of person leads to nothing but heartache. Jen isn't the type of woman to commit herself to one man - or woman. Her type of woman plays the field, Cat... and she plays the whole field at once. Yes - I find her sexy and exciting, but I don't see anything remotely resembling the possibility of a permanent relationship with someone like her. Finding her attractive doesn't mean I want to jump into bed with her, Cat... especially when I already have someone committed, warm, sexy and exciting in her own right to share my bed - and my life with. Someone I love with all my heart."

Silence prevailed in the cab of the truck for several long minutes before Cat slid to the middle of the bench seat and placed her head on Billie's shoulder as she drove. No words were necessary - only touch, as Billie allowed her right hand to drop from the steering wheel onto Cat's lap, where their fingers entwined.

Moments later, they pulled up in front of the saloon. Shutting off the truck, Billie turned to Cat. "I'm going to ask Fred where they live. I'll be right back," she said before climbing out of the truck.

Cat watched Billie walk by the front of the truck toward the saloon, her heart filled with a sense of excitement as she realized this woman was hers. Dressed in tight fitting boot-cut jeans that covered long shapely legs, a cotton plaid shirt open nearly to the waist over a muscle shirt, with the tails tucked in and the sleeves turned up to her elbows, cowboy boots, and an old leather wide-brimmed hat worn over loose hair, Billie was sex-appeal personified. Cat found herself wishing she was wearing a panty-liner as she sat there watching her wife strut sexily toward the saloon. "Jennifer - eat your heart out," she whispered as Billie disappeared into the saloon.

**********

"Hey there ladies!" Jen called, waving daintily as Cat and Billie pulled up to her house.

Cat's forehead crinkled into a frown as she watched Jen walk sexily toward them, her hips dramatically swaying to and fro as she walked.

Foregoing the traditional gingham dress, Jennifer was wearing a pair of tight fitting capri pants and tank top which exposed a generous amount of cleavage, a thin sweater around her shoulders, and a pair of high heel, open-toed shoes. Her curly blonde hair was pulled up loosely on top of her head and tied with a bandanna that matched the color of her top. Bright red lipstick, dangly ear rings and dark cat's-eyes sunglasses completed the ensemble. Cat thought she looked like a flashing neon "open for business" sign.

Before Billie could open her door, Seth jumped out of the truck and reached for Cat's door handle, holding it open until Jennifer was seated securely next to Cat.

"My, ain't you just the gentleman!" Jen exclaimed, causing Seth to blush profusely before jumping back into the bed of the truck.

"Suck up!" Tara said to her brother.

"You're just mad, 'cause I beat you to it," Seth replied before the truck lurched forward.

"It's so nice of you ladies to pick me up! I just hate going to these things alone, and Fred... well, Fred just isn't interested in fairs and such. And besides, he says Miss Janice needs him at the saloon now that Miss Melinda is gone and all," she commented.

Billie's ears perked at the mention of Janice and Melinda. "Does Fred have other duties at the saloon besides tending bar?" she asked.

"Well, no," Jen said haltingly, "...but with Miss Melinda gone, he feels Miss Janice needs moral support."

"Well, you're probably right. Janice is pretty broken up about it," Billie replied.

"Yes, the poor dear is heartbroken," Jen said, placing her hand on Cat's leg to make a point.

Cat scowled at Jennifer, clearly sending the message that she didn't appreciate Jen's hand on her thigh.

Jennifer chose to keep her eyes on Billie as she spoke, purposely not meeting Cat's eyes and acknowledging that she was offending the red-haired woman.

Curious, and hoping to glean information, Billie asked Jen if Fred had heard anything that might help locate Melinda.

"No, I'm afraid not. At least he hasn't said anything to me about it," Jen replied as she slid her hand up and down across Cat's leg.

Cat nonchalantly reached down and placed her hand on top of Jen's, squeezing hard as she lifted it from her leg and moved it to Jen's own lap. Turning to the blonde woman, she smiled sweetly and whispered under her breath, "I would leave it there if I were you!"

Jen smiled, a sensual challenge filling her eyes as she cocked one eyebrow at Cat.

Cat stared back, making it very clear to the woman seated next to her that she was off limits

Billie was totally oblivious to the exchange, as she was concentrating on keeping the old truck from going off the rutted road.

Both ladies' attention was suddenly diverted as Billie spoke, "So, Jennifer, how long have you been teaching school?" she asked.

Startled by the sudden change of subject, Jen took a moment to compose herself before answering. "Actually, this is my first year. I earned a degree in elementary education in college several years ago, but chose another line of work to pursue - until now, that is," she explained.

Cat wondered to herself if Jennifer's other 'line of work' was prostitution.

"Fred and I just moved to this fine town a few months ago. Much like yourselves, we were ready for a change," Jen explained.

"So you've never taught before?" Billie asked.

"Not since I completed my semester of student teaching," Jen replied. "I am looking forward to the one-room schoolhouse environment though. It should prove to be interesting," she added, before once again, boldly placing her hand on Cat's thigh.

"Well, our three children are looking forward to it," Billie supplied.

"Are they really?" Jen asked, gently squeezing Cat's leg.

Once again, Cat clamped down on Jennifer's hand and squeezed - much harder this time. "Oh yes," Cat said, looking right at the curly-haired woman. "Seth is starting his senior year of high school, Tara is starting her sophomore year, and Skylar is starting 6th grade. Do you think you can handle that, Mrs. Swenson?" Cat asked pointedly.

Jen fought to keep the look of pain from her face. "I can handle anything you throw at me, Ms. Charland," she replied evenly.

"We're here!" Billie suddenly announced as a cheer rose from the back of the truck.

Cat and Jennifer were still in a stare-down as Jen's door swung open - this time opened by Tara, who bowed graciously at the waist while waiting for Jennifer to exit the truck.

"My, my, my! Is everyone in the Charland clan so polite and accommodating?" Jennifer exclaimed, looking directly at Tara, but subliminally extending the question to Cat.

"At your service, ma'am," Tara replied as Jen climbed out and smoothed the wrinkles from her clothes. Turning to the teenage girl, she lifted Tara's chin so their eyes would meet. "Thank you, sweetheart. You are very kind," she said, causing Tara to grin from ear to ear.

"Tara!" came a voice from behind her.

Tara turned to see Kelly running toward her. "That's my girlfriend, Kelly. She'll be in your class too," Tara explained. "I'll see you later," she added before running off to join Kelly.

"Tara - check in with us once every hour, okay?" Billie shouted as her daughter ran toward the fairground entrance with her friend. "Oh - and we leave at dusk! Meet us as the truck when the sun sets!"

"Okay Mom!" Tara replied.

During this exchange, Cat climbed out of Billie's side of the truck and made her way around to the other side. Grabbing Jennifer's arm, she squeezed lightly. "Lay one finger on my daughter, and I will have your hide - understood?" she asked, saccharine filling her voice as the forced smile never left her face.

Jennifer smiled back. "Of course," she replied, earning her release. "Besides, it looks like she has other fish to fry," Jen added as she watched Tara and Kelly run hand in hand.

"Ah-hmmm, may I have the honor of escorting you to the gate?" Seth asked, offering his arm to the teacher.

Jennifer's smile widened as she accepted Seth's arm. "Well, of course, fine sir!" she exclaimed, winking slyly at Cat before walking off with Seth.

"Aaarrrggghhh!" Cat exclaimed as she joined Billie and Skylar.

"What is it, Love?" Billie asked.

Knowing Billie would accuse her of making a mountain out of a mole hill, she let it slide and mumbled, "Nothing," as she took Billie's arm and headed for the fairground gate.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VII

"Come one, come all! See the magnificent bearded lady! See the half man-half woman! See the painted lady! See the boy with two heads! See the fire breathing wonder! Bring the kids! There's room for everyone!" the barker sang as the ladies made their way through the freak show exhibits.

Jennifer leaned in to Cat. "If you want to see a half man-half woman, all you have to do is look at Billie!" she remarked, receiving a sharp jab in the side from Cat's elbow. "Hey! What was that for?" Jen asked.

"If you want to see the painted lady, just look in the mirror," Cat replied.

"Ouch! I'm wounded!" Jen returned teasingly.

"Mama, does that boy really have two heads?" Skylar asked her mother.

"No sweetie. It's just a trick. If you watch closely for a few minutes, you'll see the other head doesn't even blink its eyes. It's a dummy head made up to look real," Cat replied.

"Mama, I'm getting bored. Can I go on the rides now?" Skyar asked.

"I'll take her, Ma," Seth volunteered. "I'm kinda gettin' bored myself. Come on squirt!" he said to his little sister as they went off together.

"He's very good to the little one," Jen observed as the three ladies watched the kids walk away.

"They have a special bond," Billie offered. "They have the same father... and Seth is largely responsible for saving her life from leukemia several years ago," Billie explained.

"They have the same father!?" Jen asked incredulously.

Cat and Billie exchanged a knowing glance. "It's a long story. One we'd rather not get into right now," Billie replied. "So, wanna check out the girlie shows?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Sure!" Cat replied, thinking it would be a distraction from Jen's probing questions.

Making their way to the opposite end of the fairgrounds, the ladies approached the rear of a large crowd of men and women that had gathered around the girlie show exhibit.

"I can't see anything!" Cat complained as the men towered in front of her. Looking up at Billie, she noticed a strange look on her wife's face.

"What is it, Billie?" she asked.

"You won't believe this, Cat... but Janice Covington is on stage," she said.

"Oooooo gross!" Cat responded. "Janice is in the girlie show? What is this world coming to?" she exclaimed.

"No - Janice is not in the show - Janice is running the show!" Billie explained, "... and your sister is there right beside her!"

"What?! Let me through!" Cat shouted as she pushed her way through the crowd of men, Billie and Jen tagging right behind her.

"Hey lady - what do you think you're doing?" an especially burly man asked as she tried to push him aside.

"That's my sister up there. I need to talk to her," Cat replied.

The man looked at Cat, then back at the stage. "She does kinda look like you... and so does the old one. Is she your grandmother?" the man asked.

Cat looked like she had been slapped.

"Look, fella - we really need to get through here. We'd appreciate it if you'd let us pass," Billie said. "It's a family thing," she added.

"Well, a guy can't get in the way of family!" he replied. "By all means - go on through!"

Within moments, Cat and her entourage reached the edge of the stage where Janice was walking back and forth, touting the girls in front of the men. "Dancing girls, girl-on-girl, girl-on-guy - you name it, we've got it! The show will be starting in 15 minutes. Don't miss it! Get your tickets here!" Janice was shouting. While Janice talked, Drew was strutting back and forth in front of the crowd, dressed in a very scanty string bikini, while a non-stop stream of lewd obscenities rose from the crowd.

Janice saw the ladies as soon as they approached. Walking to the edge of the stage, she knelt on one knee. "Hey there, ladies! Have you come to see the show?" Janice asked.

"Janice, may I have a word with you?" Billie asked.

"Sure - I'll be right down," she said, standing. "Gents, I'll be right back. My lovely assistant, Drew will entertain you while I am gone," Janice called out before walking to the far end of the stage.

Billie grabbed Cat's hand and began to drag her toward Janice.

"Billie - let go of me! I have to stop Drew from making a total fool of herself!" Cat exclaimed.

"No, Cat. Let it be. Janice is meeting us at the end of the stage. We'll get to the bottom of this soon enough," Billie replied.

"Drew is your sister?" Jennifer asked. "Wow! She's one cute chick! Any more where she comes from?"

Cat shot a dirty look at Jen before following Billie to the end of the stage.

Janice was waiting for the ladies at the bottom of the stairs. "I know what this is about," she said to Billie. "Here." Extending her hand, she gave a piece of paper to Billie. "Here's the address you were asking for," she added before turning around to return to the stage.

"Wait! Janice, wait!" Cat exclaimed. Janice turned around and come back down the stairs. "Janice, that is my baby sister up there. Why are you doing this to her?" she asked.

"I'm not doing anything to her, Cat. She's a performer. She dances. There are plenty of guards around the stage during the show to keep the performers safe. Deal with it!" Janice replied.

"Janice is right, Cat. Drew really looks like she's enjoying this," Billie piped in, looking at the genuine smile that graced Drew's features as she strutted back and forth across the stage. Looking back at Cat, she added, "Drew is a big girl, Cat."

Suddenly a large roar rose from the female occupants of the audience, drawing the ladies' attention back to the stage.

Billie couldn't believe what she was seeing. There, on the stage a blonde, curly haired, muscular male dancer dressed only in a G-string joined Drew. Drew and her new partner began gyrating to the beat of the music with moves that would have made Patrick Swayze blush.

"Dylan! What the hell are you doing!?" Billie screamed.

**********

Cat and Billie walked away from the girlie show dazed and confused.

"What in the world is that boy thinking?" Billie exclaimed. "What would Mom say if she saw him up there?"

"My feelings exactly," Cat commented. "My sister and your brother have turned into sluts!"

Jennifer began to laugh.

"What is so damned funny?" Cat asked.

"Listen to you two!" she replied. "If those dancers hadn't been your brother and sister, you'd probably both be drooling all over them - well at least all over Drew anyway. Face it - all bets are off when it's family. Just keep in mind the next time you get turned on by something like this that those performers are someone's brother or sister, daughter or son. Geesh!"

Cat got into Jennifer's face. "You remember that the next time you get turned on by someone's wife!" she said sharply.

"Oooo - the Cat has claws!" Jen replied

"Okay ladies, that's enough," Billie said, stepping between them. "Look - there's nothing we can do about Drew and Dylan right now. I for one plan to have a talk with Ms. Covington in town tomorrow. Something doesn't smell right here. In the meantime, there are plenty of exhibits left to see, so lets try to put this aside for now and enjoy the rest of the day," she suggested.

Agreeing on a truce, the ladies decided to peruse the remaining exhibits before taking in the medicine show. Making their way around the fairgrounds, they browsed the wares of various vendors selling everything from hats to wood carvings, to velvet pictures of Elvis. Finally, they had come full circle, finding themselves back to where they started, at the freak show tent.

"You wonder what motivates people to put themselves on display like this," Cat said out loud as she looked at the brightly painted canvases advertising various freaky attractions.

Something caught Billie's eye as she listened to Cat's comment. "Well, you could always ask her," Billie suggested while pointing to a brightly painted woman walking toward them, adorned with several large snakes draped around her body.

Cat looked in the direction Billie was pointing and saw her sister Amy walking toward them.

"Amy!" Cat exclaimed as she ran toward the woman, stopping short as she realized her sister was draped in snakes.

"Oh my god! Amy! There are snakes all over you!" Cat exclaimed.

"Well, duh!" Amy replied. "I am the Snake Lady after all!"

"Hello, Amy," Billie said over Cat's shoulder.

Amy looked at the taller woman. "Don't tell me... Billie, right?" Amy said.

"Right. Is Joe home yet?" Billie asked.

"No. In fact, I was going to ask you if you had seen him," Amy replied.

"Ah... Hello!!" Cat said sarcastically, drawing attention to herself.

Amy looked at Cat. "Who are you anyway?" she asked, "... and how did you know my name?"

"Amy - I am your sister... Cat? Remember?" Cat asked.

A look of realization came over Amy's face. "Oh! So you're Cat! Billie told me about you. Nice to meet you," Amy said, extending her snake-clad hand.

Just then, the barker drew Amy's attention. "Show starts in 15 minutes, Amy - get a move on!"

"Ah - I gotta go," Amy said retracting her hand. "Look, Billie, if you see Joe before I do, let him know I'm looking for him too, okay?"

"Will do!" Billie replied as they watched Amy disappear into the freak show tent.

"Okay, so let me see here... strippers, freak show snake lady - got any more siblings?" Jennifer asked.

Cat growled at Jen before stomping away.

**********

"Cat! Wait up!" Billie called after Cat.

Dragging Jen by the hand, Billie finally caught up with Cat. Seeing that they were just behind her, Cat stopped and turned around. The first thing she noticed was Billie holding Jennifer's hand. Realizing Cat had misinterpreted the gesture, she quickly released it, just in time to see Cat shoot a scathing look at Jen who sported a Cheshire grin on her face.

"Cat, where are you going?" Billie asked.

Cat took a deep breath to regain her composure. "I don't know. I'm sorry for running off like that, Billie, but you have to admit, events of the past few days have been pretty overwhelming," Cat explained.

Billie took Cat's face between her hands and kissed her forehead. "Yes they have, my love. Between the goat and the tractor and your sisters.... and my brother - things have been pretty strange," she agreed.

"Don't forget the evil chickens," Cat said.

"Oh yes - the evil chickens. How could I forget them?" Billie replied, chuckling.

"Evil chickens?" Jennifer quipped.

"Don't ask" the two ladies replied together, making all three of them laugh.

"So, what do you want to do next?" Cat asked.

"Well, I did want to see what Bridget and Kevin are up to," Billie suggested. "I can't believe that sexist Neanderthal has actually found religion."

"Sounds good to me. I'm kind of looking forward to seeing Bridget," Cat replied.

Billie turned to Jennifer. "Jen, you don't need to stick with us if you'd rather do something else," she said.

"What?... and miss all the fun? No way! I haven't enjoyed myself this much in years!" Jennifer responded. "Lead on!"

Soon, the three ladies were headed for a large tent that was set up just outside the fairground limits. As they approached, they could hear an organ playing church hymns. Surprisingly, a large crowd was gathering inside the tent. Finding enough bench space for three of them was difficult, but soon, they were all seated and waiting for the honorable Reverend Kevin Richardson to enter. They didn't have long to wait.

Amid much organ music fanfare, a man dressed totally in white entered. He was roughly 40 years of age, approximately five foot ten inches and 200 pounds, with dark hair, slicked back under a white hat. In his right hand, he carried a bible high in the air, parading the book around like it was a trophy. He carried an air of importance about him as though he were a divine creature sent directly by god to save the world. Walking up to the podium, the man put the bible down and grasped both sides of the pulpit while looking out over the crowd. After glaring at the crowd for several seconds, he began to speak.

"Brothers and sistahs," he said in a heavy southern accent. "I give to you today, the tools you need to save your souls... to save your souls from the demon Beelzebub! The devil is everywhere. In your homes! In your fields! At your job! No one is safe from the reach of this evil-doer! He has weapons of mass destruction, and he is coming to wipe you from the face of the earth!" Reverend Richardson yelled before allowing a long pause to descend over the audience.

"How will he do this, you ask? He will eliminate you one by one by corrupting your soul. The sad part is - you take him into your souls willingly! Yes you do! Do not deny it!" he screamed in a booming voice.

A tension so thick it could be cut with a knife blanketed the occupants of the tent.

Billie narrowed her eyes at this man, disliking him more in his personna of preacher than she did while he was just her lazy, redneck brother-in-law.

"What are these weapons of mass destruction that we willingly allow him to use against us?" Kevin asked as he stepped off the podium into the audience, taking the bible with him.

"Drink! Oh yes - Beelzebub lives in each swallow of liquor - each swallow of brew. We imbibe of the sinful liquid and turn ourselves over to its power," he exclaimed. "We become intoxicated under its spell. We commit sinful, sinful acts while under its control," Kevin raged as the sweat began to break out on his face.

Kevin walked around the audience in silence once more, each member of the congregation turning in their seat to watch him... mesmerized by his words.

"Smoke!" he exclaimed next. "Contaminated air exhaled directly from his lungs to yours. Why do we willingly allow his contaminated presence to enter our bodies? Because we are weak human beings! Yes, brothers and sistahs - we are weak!"

Kevin stopped to retrieve a white handkerchief from his breast pocket. After making a show of wiping his face, he stuffed the cloth back into his pocket, then opened his bible. While intently searching through the book, he walked back to the front of the tent and stepped once more onto the podium. Presumably finding the entry he was looking for, he made a show of reading it to himself before looking out over the audience and holding the book high for everyone to see.

"Sex!" he screamed in a loud voice.

For several long moments, he scanned the audience, holding the book high and moving it back and forth. The silence was deafening as many in the congregation shifted uncomfortably in their seats.

Billie was about to leave the tent when Cat placed a restraining hand on her arm. "Sweetheart, wait until it's over. We both know this is a bunch of hooey, but it's impolite to just get up and leave," she said.

"What's wrong - is the subject matter getting too hot for you?" Jennifer whispered to Billie.

Billie didn't respond verbally to either woman, but instead, settled back down to listen to the rest of the sermon.

"Brothers and sistahs, you might ask why god gave us the tools to engage in sexual intimacy if using those tools is the work of the devil? I am here today to tell you that sex alone is not evil! Sex can be a beautiful thing... and wonderfully emotional and intimately fulfilling thing. Two bodies coming together - complimenting each other with every thrust, with every release. The act of making love is good when done in the proper context. What is that context, you ask? Procreation within marriage! The act of bringing new breathing, living beings into this world is the ultimate act of love!" the Reverend announced before pausing for effect.

Looking out over the audience, he saw he had achieved his goal of working the congregation up into a controlled sexual frenzy. Reaching over for his water glass, he took a long drink before placing it back on the podium. Once more, he raised the book high for everyone to see.

"Sex!" he screamed again, "... is good when performed in the name of procreation! Fornication with Beelzebub on the other hand will lead you to final damnation, where you will burn in hell for the rest of your life. Yes, my children, when you lie in intimacy with the devil, you are condemning yourself to eternal hell. Sex outside of marriage! Sex for money! Self gratification! Lying with one of your own kind. Burn! I say to you - Burn in hell for such heathen acts!"

Billie gripped the edge of the bench with both hands until her knuckles turned white. "I can't take much more of this, Cat. I'll show him what hell is like if he doesn't shut his mouth," she warned.

Cat reached over and pried one of Billie's hands from the bench and held it close to her heart.

Seeing that she was upsetting Cat, Billie took a deep breath and forced herself to relax.

Jen looked over at the two ladies and marveled at how well they were controlling themselves, considering what the pompous asshole on stage was preaching.

"Brothers and sistahs... heed my warnings and be saved. Your fate is in your hands. You hold the key. A simple donation of $5 will buy you a copy of this wonderful sermon I have provided you with today. A simple donation of $5 will set you on the path to redemption. Please - come forward and be saved," Kevin concluded as he accepted a box of sermons brought on stage by Bridget, who then exited the tent.

Billie's head snapped up as Kevin made his closing remarks. Your fate is in your hands. You hold the key, she thought. Where have I heard that before?

"Billie! There's Bridget!" Cat exclaimed as she saw her sister carry the box on stage. "Come on - I want to talk to her," Cat instructed as she took Billie's hand.

"Anything to get out of here," Billie replied, willingly rising and following Cat out of the tent.

Jen followed closely as the three of them went in search of Bridget, finding her just outside the tent handing out flyers for the next sermon.

"Bridget! Bridget!" exclaimed Cat as she threw herself into her sister's arms.

Bridget willingly embraced the emotional woman and hugged her tightly.

When they finally pulled apart, Cat looked into her sister's face. "Bridge, how have you been?" she asked.

"Oh, I've been wonderful!" Bridget replied. "Did you like the sermon?" she asked.

Cat looked at the scowl on Billie's face. "Well to be truthful, there were parts of it that were a little over the top, Bridge. By the way, when did Kevin decide to become a preacher?" she asked.

Bridget smiled brightly and clasped her hands together. "The Reverend got his calling almost a year ago now! Isn't he just wonderful?" she exclaimed.

Jen looked at Billie and made a circular motion near her ear, indicating she thought this woman was a bit loony.

"By the way, dear, I didn't catch your name," Bridget said to Cat.

Cat frowned. "Bridget, I'm Cat - your sister?!" she replied.

"Of course you are my sister, as are these two lovely ladies," Bridget exclaimed, indicating Billie and Jennifer. "We are all brothers and sisters under the Lord! By the way, didn't I run into you yesterday?" Bridget asked Billie.

"Yes - quite literally in fact," Billie responded.

Bridget took Billie's hands in hers. "Thank you so much for bringing your friends to the revival. God loves everybody, you know! Well, I hate to say goodbye, but I have work to do!" she said, indicating the flyers in her hands.

Cat, Billie and Jen were awestruck as they watched Bridget walk away.

"I... I... What the hell is going on here, Billie?" Cat exclaimed, her voice nearly hysterical.

Billie opened her arms for Cat, who went into them willingly. "I don't know, love. They say everyone has a body double... maybe..." Billie suggested.

"Body doubles with the same name... all living in the same town? That's a little far fetched, isn't it?" Cat asked.

"Maybe they're aliens," Jennifer suggested.

Cat and Billie both looked at Jen as though she were sprouting antennae herself.

"And this is the woman who is going to teach our kids!" Cat exclaimed.

Billie pulled Cat's head into her chest and held her close. "It's all right Cat. We'll figure out what's going on here, I promise," she cooed before placing a kiss on top of her head.

"Heathens!" came a shout from inside the tent just as Billie kissed Cat.

All three women looked at the source of the voice.

"Heathens! Harlots and whores! Both of you!" Reverend Richardson shouted at the women as he exited the tent, holding his bible high with one hand and pointing at them with the other.

"Get a life, Kevin," Billie said as she released Cat and poised herself for defense.

"The good book frowns on those who lie with their own kind! You will burn in hell for your sins!" the man ranted.

Billie had just about had enough from this hypocrite.

"Kevin, of all the people I know, you have the blackest nasty-ass soul of any of them! We've seen how you treat your wife! We've seen how you ogle women - even in your wife's presence! You are a sick bastard, spouting all this hooga-booga shit about going to hell because we happen to love each other! Look in your own heart before you start condemning others, asshole!" Billie shouted, setting the man back a bit. "Come on Cat - let's go home and have hot wild monkey sex. If I'm going to hell, I'm gonna enjoy the trip!" Billie suggested as she wrapped her arm around the smaller woman and led her away.

Kevin gasped and made a show of nearly fainting at Billie's declaration.

Jennifer walked up to Kevin and looked him straight in the eye. "That was not a smart thing to do, Kevin," she said before she too turned on her heel and walked away.

**********

"Billie, we didn't get a chance to see Mom and Dad," Cat pointed out as they walked toward the fairground exit.

"Look, Cat... the fair will be here for another day. We'll come back tomorrow, okay? Right now, I need to put as much distance as possible between myself and that pompous ass before I do something I regret. For your sister's sake, we'd better leave," Billie explained.

"We are supposed to take the kids school clothes shopping tomorrow," Cat pointed out.

"We'll get the shopping done early, then come back to spend the afternoon here. I'm sure the kids won't mind... in fact they'll be thrilled," Billie replied. "Besides, it's getting near dark anyway and the cows need tending to soon."

"Okay... okay. I guess we can do that," Cat relented.

"I..." Jennifer began.

"Don't even ask!" Cat spouted, cutting her off before she could ask to go with them again tomorrow.

"Whatever!" Jen replied as she stomped off toward the truck.

"You were a little rough on her, Cat," Billie pointed out.

Cat ran her hand through her hair. "Billie - we have enough to handle with three kids and families that seem to have lost their minds. We don't need some over-sexed teacher following us around as well," Cat replied.

"All right... all right. Let's wait for the kids at the truck," Billie suggested as she took Cat's hand and led her toward the parking lot.

**********

By the time the kids all returned to the truck, Jennifer had lost her foul mood and was back to her talkative and flirtatious self. Upon returning to the truck, Seth presented his new teacher with a small stuffed teddy bear he had won at one of the games.

"Oh my! It's so cute!" Jen bubbled. "And you are such a gentleman for giving this to me!"

"Ah... it was nothing," Seth replied, kicking at the dirt to hide his embarrassment.

"Well, I love it," Jennifer said, leaning forward to place a kiss on Seth's cheek.

"Oooooo, Seth!" Tara teased, causing her brother to chase her into the back of the truck.

"Come on, kids. Pile in... and hold on tight - I don't want to lose you in the dark," Billie instructed.

"Seth and Miss Jennifer, sittin' in a tree...." Tara started to sing.

"Shut up, Tara," Seth said, wanting to pound his younger sister, but not wanting to look like a bully to Jennifer.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." Tara continued to sing.

"Tara! I'm warning you!" Seth threatened.

"Tara, that's enough," Billie interrupted before a fight broke out. "Now settle down back there - we'll be leaving shortly," Billie added as she waited for Jennifer to climb into the cab.

"They are just so cute!" Jen gushed once they were underway.

Billie reached down and took Cat's left hand. Raising it to her lips, she kissed the back of it gently. "Did you have a good time today, my love?" she asked.

"As good as can be expected," Cat replied, "... that is, considering the weirdness of it all."

"That Reverend Richardson is a piece of work, isn't he?" Jennifer commented.

"Don't get me started on him," Billie said.

"Kevin's usually not that bad. True, he's a bit of a caveman, but he's normally pretty easy going," Cat explained. "I saw a side of him today I didn't think existed... I mean, he's always been pretty tolerant of our relationship, Billie," she pointed.

Billie just nodded. "Something stinks here, Cat. I'm not sure what it is, but I aim to find out," she vowed.

"So... how about them Red Sox?" Jennifer suddenly blurted out.

"Huh?" Cat and Billie said together.

Jen shrugged. "I dunno - it sounded good at the time," she explained.

Cat just shook her head as they drove down the darkened road.

**********

"Okay, we're here," Billie said as she pulled up to Jen's door.

The three ladies looked at each other uncomfortably... Cat and Billie waiting for an invitation to come in... Jen trying to figure out how to get out of inviting them in. Finally, Billie broke the silence.

"Do you want me to walk you to your door - you know - to make sure everything is safe before you go in?" Billie offered.

Cat looked at Billie with a totally astonished expression - surprised that she would offer to do such a thing considering how much of a flirt this woman was. Fortunately for Billie, it was too dark in the cab of the truck for her to see it.

"No - I'll be all right. It's late. I'd better head right to bed. I have lesson plans to prepare tomorrow," Jen replied quickly as she climbed out of the truck. "Besides, Fred will be home soon. Thanks for giving me a lift. It's been an enjoyable - and entertaining day, to say the least!"

"Any time, Jen. We enjoyed your company," Billie replied, adding a "Hmmmph," as Cat kicked her in the shin.

"Goodnight, Jen," Cat said, doing her best to dismiss the woman so they could be on their way.

Jen closed the door to the cab. "Good night ladies... and you too kids! I'll see you at school on Monday!" she shouted as the truck drove away.

"That was strange," Cat commented. "It was almost as though she didn't want to invite us in."

"Maybe she didn't," Billie replied. "Maybe she didn't have a chance to clean the house first and was embarrassed - you know the way you get when unexpected company shows up."

"I do not get that way!" Cat exclaimed.

Billie diverted her eyes from the road for just a moment to give Cat a knowing look.

"Well, maybe sometimes," the red head admitted. "Anyway, it felt pretty awkward."

"Yes it did. So, what time to you want to head out for shopping tomorrow?" Billie asked.

"The usual... after chores and breakfast," Cat replied.

"I was really hoping to drive into the next town tomorrow, but I guess that will have to wait for another day," Billie commented.

"The next town? Why?" Cat asked curiously.

Billie dug into her pocket and withdrew a slip of paper Janice had handed her. "Here," she said.

Cat carefully unfolded the slip of paper and tried to read it in the darkened cab.

"Let me shed some light on it for you," Billie said as she reached for the internal cab lights.

"That's better," Cat replied. "Let's see here... 5129 East Ave, Greenville. What is this?" she asked.

"The address to the toy store," Billie replied, grinning.

Cat's eyes flew open. "The toy store? Oh Billie! Damn!" she exclaimed, torn between seeing her parents tomorrow and going on a special shopping trip with Billie.

Billie covered Cat's hand with her own. "Kitten, if your parents are traveling with the circus, tomorrow is the last chance to see them. We can go to the toy store another day - okay?" she suggested.

Cat sat sulking. "Okay, I guess," she replied.

"All right then - it's settled. In the meantime, we still have the toys we found in Melinda's box," Billie pointed out.

Cat's mood brightened considerably at Billie's words. "You're right!" she exclaimed. "Ah, Billie - is there any way to drive faster on these roads?" she asked coyly.

"Not without losing the kids out of the back," Billie replied.

Cat glanced through the back window, then back at Billie. "Who needs the kids anyway?" she asked, sending them both into a fit of laughter.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VIII

While Cat took the kids school clothes shopping the next morning, Billie opted for a trip to the saloon, hoping to confront Janice about recruiting Drew and Dylan for her peep show. When she arrived at the saloon, she found it relatively deserted except for Fred the bartender and a few die-hard patrons. Walking up to the bar, she pulled out a stool and sat down.

Fred, who was standing at the opposite end of the bar drying glasses, looked at her warily. "What can I get cha?" he asked.

"A cup of coffee would be great," Billie replied.

"Coffee? You come into a bar to get coffee? This ain't a restaurant, you know," Fred replied.

Billie released an exasperated sigh. "Look - do you have coffee or not?" she asked.

"We got coffee," he answered.

"Good, then give me a cup, if you would... black," Billie requested.

A few moments later, Fred slid a cup of hot black coffee in front of her. "You want something harder in it?" he asked.

"Something harder?" Billie queried.

"Yeah - like a shot of brandy or something," Fred explained.

"Fred - it's Sunday morning! Most people are in church at this time - not drinking hard liquor. No - this will be fine," Billie replied as she lifted her cup for a sip.

"You don't look like much of a church-goer," the bartender observed.

"You're right - I'm not. I don't have much use for an organization that doesn't have much use for me," she explained.

"Don't take no offense or nothing, but Barney called you a carpet muncher a while back. Is that so?" he asked.

Billie looked over the rim of her cup and paused to shake her head in disgust before taking a sip. Putting the cup down, she looked into the rich black liquid and said, "God, I hate that phrase." Looking back at Fred, she continued, "Yes - it's true. You got a problem with that?" she asked.

Fred picked up another glass and began to dry it. "I got no problem with it... it's just that we don't see much of your kind around here, 'cept Miss Janice and Miss Melinda," he explained.

"Well it's probably because you don't know what to look for," Billie replied, wondering if this man even realized his own wife was partial to ladies. "Look, Fred, have you seen Janice yet this morning? I have something really important to talk to her about," Billie inquired.

"Miss Janice left bright and early this morning for the fairgrounds," he supplied.

"Damn!" Billie exclaimed as she shook her head. "I guess I'll have to catch her there this afternoon."

"Too bad Miss Melinda ain't here for you to talk to. Sometimes she's a tad bit more reasonable and easy to deal with than Miss Janice," Fred said chuckling.

Billie's eyebrows shot into her hairline. "Do you know where Melinda is?" she asked.

"No ma'am, I don't," he replied without elaborating.

Billie drank the rest of her coffee then reached into her back pocket for her wallet. As she retrieved the wallet, a folded piece of paper fell onto the floor. Bending over, she picked it up, and upon opening it, realized it was the last note Janice had received from the kidnapper. Looking at Fred, she held the note up for him to see. "Fred," she asked, "... this note was left for Janice a couple of days ago. Did you happen to see who left it?"

A play of emotions crossed Fred's usually stoic features before the mask fell once more. "Nope. Someone left it on her chair while I was in the storage room gettin' more bottles of whiskey," he explained.

Billie nodded her head. "I see. All right then... if Janice comes back before this afternoon, please let her know I called on her - and tell her I need to speak with her. Okay?"

"Will do. You have yerself a nice day now, ma'am," Fred replied as he watched her walk out the door.

**********

"How did the shopping go?" Billie asked Cat as she met her at the clinic.

"It went fine... better than fine in fact. The kids are so anxious to return to the circus, they lost their usual pickiness and basically agreed to everything I suggested," she replied.

"Where are the kids now? We should probably think about heading out," Billie commented.

"I gave them some money to get a sundae at the general store while we waited for you," Cat answered. "We'll go pick them up as soon as I finish this last entry," she added while transcribing some notes on a patient.

"Take your time," Billie responded as she made herself comfortable on the examination table.

After a few more minutes, Cat completed her task and closed the folder. She turned to carry it to the file cabinet, and saw Billie lying on the table. Grinning, she walked past the table, filed the patient's records away in the cabinet, then reached for the lab coat that was hanging on the wall near the cabinet. Putting the coat on, she pulled her stethoscope from the pocket and placed it around her neck. Turning toward the table, she approached Billie and shoved her hands deep into her coat pockets. "So, what seems to be the problem?" she asked through a sheepish smile as she pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of her pocket and began to put them on.

Billie looked at her wife - her eyes bugging out of her head. "Ah... Cat - what exactly do you plan to do with those gloves?" Billie asked warily.

"What ever do you mean, Ms. Charland?" Cat replied.

"There's only two places I've ever seen a gloved hand go, and it better not be the one I'm thinking of!" Billie warned.

"How do you expect a doctor to do her job if you don't allow a full cavity search, Ms. Charland?" Cat asked, trying hard to keep the grin from her face.

Billie jumped off the table and started backing toward the door. "There's only one cavity I will willingly submit for search and seizure, Doc," she exclaimed, falling into the ruse, "... and something tells me it's not the one you have in mind!"

"Nonsense - now come on over here and strip," Cat insisted.

"No sir-ree bob!" Billie replied, continuing to back up as Cat put it into forward gear and followed her step for step, her gloved hands poised in front of her like claws.

Soon, Cat had Billie backed up against the file cabinet with nowhere to go. Reaching down, she grabbed Billie's belt buckle and tugged, just as the screen door leading from the outside to the waiting room slammed.

"Ma!? Ma, we're ready to go," Seth called out.

"Damn!" Cat whispered under her breath.

"Saved by the bell... er... screen door," Billie added, sighing in relief.

**********

"All right, Cat - we don't know what we're gonna find here, so you have to promise me to keep your cool, okay?" Billie warned as they walked toward the entrance to the fairgrounds.

"Billie! We're just going to see my Mom and Dad for crying out loud. How bad can it be?" Cat asked.

"How bad, indeed! Cat - things haven't exactly been normal with your family lately - nor mine as a matter of fact. All I'm saying is don't get us thrown out of here, okay?" Billie asked.

"Oh pshaw!" Cat said, dismissing Billie's fears as she made her way toward the medicine show exhibit, Billie following close behind.

As they approached the medicine wagon, the sound of gypsy music became louder and louder. A large crowd had formed around the wagon, once more making it difficult for Cat to see what was going on. "Billie, can you see anything?" she asked.

"Just barely," Billie replied, standing on tip toe to see over the heads of the people in front of her. "There's someone dancing up there, but all I catch is a glimpse now and then."

Cat looked around in desperation, spotting a trash can nearby. "Billie! Here, help me with this," she said.

"Help you with what? Oh no - what do you think you're going to do with that?" Billie asked.

"I'm going to turn it upside down and stand on it - and you're gonna help me!" Cat insisted.

"Cat - just what do you plan to do with the rubbish inside of it?" Billie pointed out.

"If we turn it over real fast, the rubbish won't fall out," Cat explained.

"Oh really? And who's going to turn it right side up after you're finished using it as a ladder?" the dark haired woman asked.

"Oh Billie - must you fuss about everything? Come on - give me a hand with it," Cat said.

"Cat..." Billie hesitated.

"All right then - I'll do it myself!" Cat said angrily as she tried to pick up the trash can alone.

The can won the battle as Cat lost her balance and toppled over, rubbish and all.

Fighting her way from beneath the pile of trash, Cat struggled into a seated position and looked at Billie.

"You have a french fry on your head," Billie said dryly.

"Aarrgghh!!! Now see what you've done??!!" Cat accused, brushing the offending vegetable from her hair.

"Me??!! Look what I've done? Cat - I'm not the one who dumped the trash can all over you!" Billie pointed out.

"No - but you're the one who wouldn't help me!" Cat pouted.

"Oh all right!" Billie retorted as she righted the can and helped Cat collect the rubbish that was scattered all over the ground. Compacting the refuse as deeply as she could into the can, Billie picked it up and quickly turned it over without losing one piece of trash. "There - are you satisfied?" she asked Cat.

"Thank you. Now help me up," Cat instructed.

Holding Cat's hand, Billie steadied the trash can with her foot as her shorter wife climbed onto it and looked around. "Oh my fricken god!" Cat exclaimed. "It's my mother!"

"Ida? What is she doing?" Billie asked.

"Just what Drew said she would be doing - she's dancing for the men! Oh my god - she's all over them! Mother - you stop that slut dancing this instant!" Cat screamed.

"Cat! Cat - stop that!" Billie reprimanded. "She's your mother for crying out loud!"

"Well then she'd better start acting like it!" Cat retorted. "Mother!" Cat yelled again. "Damn it! The music is too loud! She can't hear me."

"Good! Now get down from there!" Billie scolded.

"No! Wait! The music is stopping. What is she doing now?" Cat asked out loud as she watched Ida approach the wagon, untie a rope and lower a platform on the front of the cart. Moments later an older man stepped onto the platform from within the wagon.

"Daddy?" Cat said.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he bellowed. "Let me introduce myself... I am Doctor O'Grady, and I am here to save you hundreds of dollars! That's right - hundreds of dollars! How, you ask? Tell me, good man," Doc said, singling out a member of the audience. "What do you do when you are ill? What do you do when you have suffered with an illness that just won't go away?" he asked.

"I... I go see the doctor," the man replied.

"Of course you do!" Doc exclaimed in a loud voice. "And what does that doctor do? That doctor takes your hard earned money, gives you a tonic and sends you home. Rubbish - I tell you!"

Cat subconsciously looked down at the can she was standing on.

"Good citizens, lend me your ear and I will tell you how to save money on expensive doctors. I have here in my wagon, a recipe given to my great-great-grandfather by a dying old Indian medicine man who possessed mystic and divine powers.... a recipe that will cure the common cold... a recipe that will treat piles, rheumatism, cancer and croup... a recipe that will cure calluses, constipation, indigestion, liver disease and malaria. Now, my great-great-grandfather promised the old Indian he would only use this recipe for the common good of ordinary men... men like yourselves - men who work hard to earn their money and who can't afford to waste it on a doctor who charges too much!" Doc continued.

Billie looked up at Cat as she listened to the speech spewing from Doc's mouth. Seeing the hard set to her jaw, and the tense way she was holding her body, Billie knew Cat was becoming angrier and angrier with each word he spoke.

"This ancient Indian recipe, my friends, contains the healing powers of secret herbs, barks and berries - mixed with the purest spring water... all natural ingredients, guaranteed to cure whatever ails you," the speech continued as the sound of Indian drums began beating in the background.

Doc walked back and forth across his platform, holding the rapt attention of all those in attendance - including Cat.

"Now, good people... I am not out to get rich. On the contrary!" Doc's voice boomed. "My only desire in life is to continue my missionary efforts to rid humanity of illness. To do that, all I ask is the lowly price of one dollar per bottle. Yes, my friends - only one dollar!" Doc announced as two of his assistants mingled with the audience, selling bottles of the elixir.

"Come forward and be saved! This is a guaranteed cure-all! Only the finest medicinal herbs. Don't throw your money away on expensive doctors... and if you are of a mind, we also have available to you - for a limited time only... and for the sale price of just one dollar - assorted salves, ointments and tonics. And for the sophisticated ladies, we have an assortment of jewelry, silverware and scented soaps. For the gentlemen - fine cigars. Come browse our inventory," Doc recited as the crowd moved steadily forward, all wanting a piece of what this man was selling.

"Cat... maybe you should get down from there now," Billie suggested.

Cat kept her eyes trained on Doc as she answered Billie. "He can't get away with this crap, Billie. I'm willing to bet what's in those bottles is little more than alcohol, sugar water, spices and root herbs. He's playing these people for fools!"

"Is what's in those bottles harmful?" Billie asked.

"Not likely... but it certainly isn't helpful either!" Cat replied.

"Then there's not much we can get him on except false advertising," Billie pointed out. "Look, Cat... this is an old time medicine show. He's harmless. Let it go," she encouraged.

Cat looked down at Billie. "Let it go? Billie, how can I do that? My father is a brilliant brain surgeon. He shouldn't be out here peddling sugar water as a cure-all! And Mother... well - my mother might as well join Drew in the girlie show for the way she's acting!" Cat exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air and promptly losing her balance once more.

Before Billie could catch her, Cat toppled off the trash can and landed on her butt in the dirt.

Billie looked down at her, realizing instantly that Cat's pride was the only thing injured in the fall. "Well, at least you didn't knock the trash can over again," she said.

**********

Cat and Billie waited on the outskirts of the crowd until all but a few patrons had dissipated.

When the coast was clear, Cat ran toward Ida and threw herself into the woman's arms.

Ida pushed Cat away. "Ewwww! You smell like garbage!" she exclaimed.

Cat subconsciously brushed at her clothes as she nursed her bruised ego before turning to Doc. "Daddy?" she said tentatively.

Doc frowned at her and then looked over his shoulder to see if she was talking to someone behind him. When he saw that no one was there, the turned back to her. "Are you talking to me, young lady? Would you care to purchase Doc O'Grady's cure-all for the low low price of just one dollar?" he asked, offering her a bottle of elixir, "... or are you interested in something a little stronger? I have a supply of laudanum I save for special customers who linger after the show. Whaddaya say, heh?"

"I am not interested in purchasing what you have to sell," Cat insisted.

"Come now, it is guaranteed," he promised.

"Daddy, that's crap and you know it!" Cat replied, taking the bottle from his hand and dumping the contents on the ground.

"That will be one dollar," Doc said, holding his hand out.

"I'm not paying you a dollar for sugar water!" Cat exclaimed. "Daddy, how can you do this?" she asked.

Ida walked up to Cat and jabbed her in the shoulder. "What is this you are calling him?" she asked in a heavy gypsy accent.

"Owww! Stop that!" Cat exclaimed before turning her attention back to Doc. "Daddy, I asked you a question," she said.

"You said it again!" Ida exclaimed, poking Cat in the shoulder once more, this time pushing her back a step or two.

"Hey! I wouldn't do that again, if I were you," Billie said as she took a step forward.

Ida looked at Doc. "She called you Daddy! How do you explain that?!" she asked him.

"I called him Daddy because I'm his daughter... one of four to be exact!" Cat exclaimed.

"Holy Mother of God! My mamma told me you were a whore-dog. I should have listened to her!" Ida cried. "I said, 'No Mama, Doc is a good man... he sells medicine... he helps people. He wouldn't lie with whores and leave his babies behind,'" Ida continued. "I defended you, because I never believed you would cheat on me!" Ida ranted at Doc, "... but now I see you have chosen to dip your doodle in another pond... four of them to be exact!" she screamed before dramatically wailing.

"But..., but Chiara... it isn't true!" Doc defended himself. "My doodle has never dipped. I promise!" he exclaimed as she followed a crying Ida into the wagon.

"Cat, we'd better get out of here," Billie said, taking Cat's arm and dragging her away.

"But Billie...," she objected.

"But nothing. Let's go," Billie insisted.

**********

"Seth! Seth, over here!" Billie called, catching her son's attention.

"What's up, Mom? It isn't time to leave yet, is it? It's still pretty early," Seth pointed out.

Billie looked at her watch and noted that it was indeed only 1 p.m. "Well, Mama and I are finished what we came to do," she replied.

"Where is Mama?" Seth asked.

"She's gone to the ladies' room to freshen up," Billie explained, not wanting to tell her son that Cat had been crying and was in the ladies' room applying a cold cloth to her face.

"Are you sure there's nothing else you wanna do?" Seth asked hopefully.

Billie ran a hand through her hair, feeling guilty about pulling the kids out of the circus so soon. Suddenly, a thought came to her. "Seth," she said, "... do you think you can keep an eye on your sisters for a few hours while Mama and I take a ride?" she asked.

"Sure!" Seth exclaimed happily. "We'll be fine. I won't let them out of my sight," he promised.

"Okay, then," Billie said, reaching into her back pocket and extracting her wallet. "Here's a few dollars for rides and snacks. We should be back around four o'clock. Okay?"

"Cool!" Seth replied. "Four o'clock is great! Thanks, Mom!" he said before running off to join his sisters.

Cat approached just as Seth was running away. "Where is he going?" she asked.

Billie took Cat by the shoulders and looked her square in the face. "Kitten, we are going for a ride," she announced.

**********

"Billie, where are we going?" Cat asked as she sat on the passenger side of the truck.

"Greenville," came the reply.

"Greenville?" Cat repeated. "What's in Greenville?"

Billie reached deep into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, which she handed to Cat. The moment Cat took it, she realized where they were going. "Ahhhhh!!!! Greenville!" she exclaimed.

"Oh yeah!" Billie replied huskily.

Cat slid over to the center of the bench seat for the rest of the trip to Greenville.

**********

"5129 East Avenue," Cat read again from the folded paper. "Billie, I think we're lost," she observed.

"Nah - we'll find it," Billie insisted.

Cat looked at Billie, impatience written all over her face. "Why do you have to be such a guy?" she asked.

"I am not being a guy! Exactly what do you mean by that?" Billie asked.

"Why is it you refuse to ask for directions Billie? You'd rather wander around and around in a circle for hours instead of admitting you're lost and asking for help," Cat pointed out.

"I do not!" Billie insisted as they passed the same creemie stand for the fourth time.

"I rest my case!" Cat exclaimed.

"What?" Billie asked.

"Somehow, Billie, I don't think there is more than one 'Icky-bods Ice Cream Parlor' in this town! That's the fourth time we've passed it!" Cat pointed out. "Now pull over and let me ask for directions," she demanded.

"All right! All right! Have it your way!" Billie relented, glad she had a reason for stopping without losing face as she veered into a gas station.

Billie looked around lazily as she waited for Cat to return. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw something that drew her attention... the honorable Reverend Kevin Richardson exiting a parked car and walking across the street.

Billie watched him carefully as he crossed the street and climbed the steps to an ordinary looking house. Before knocking on the door, he looked around carefully to see if he was being watched. Not seeing anyone suspicious, he knocked. Billie noticed him shifting nervously from foot to foot as he waited for someone to answer the door.

Finally the door swung open and an older woman appeared in the doorway. Billie was startled as she thought to herself, Man! That is one scary, nasty-ass looking bitch! The woman, who was obviously over 50, wore skin tight jeans which were doing a piss-poor job of holding in her pot-belly, peasant blouse that exposed bony shoulders, and a roll of fat extending over the waistband of her jeans, high heeled shoes, and so much war paint on her face she looked as if her two-year-old granddaughter had applied it - complete with bright red lipstick and two large circles of dark red rouge, one on each cheek. The entire package was topped off with hair so big, it made Dolly Parton's look like a buzz cut. To complete the look, long bony fingers with red-painted fingernails held a lit cigarette, while the other hand rested on her hip.

Imagining what this fine specimen of womanhood probably looked like in the nude caused shivers of fear to run down Billie's spine. She was so focused on the clown-woman in the doorway, she almost forgot about Kevin as she noticed him looking around nervously once more before entering the house and closing the door behind him.

"Hmmm! I wonder what that was all about?" she asked herself just as Cat returned to the truck.

Climbing into the truck, Cat said, "Take a right at the next street, then the second left - that'll be East Avenue." Looking at Billie, she grinned in an 'I told you so' sort of way.

Following the directions Cat had given her, they soon found themselves on East Avenue. "Okay, Cat. Look for numbers on the buildings. You take the right and I'll take the left," Billie suggested.

Soon, the ladies found themselves pulled up in front of 5129 East Avenue. Climbing out of the truck, they stood in front of the building and looked up.

"It doesn't look like a toy store," Cat commented.

"It doesn't look like much of anything," Billie added as they scanned the plain-faced building.

"Well, I guess if I was selling big honkin' sex toys, I wouldn't exactly put a neon sign out front, either," Cat joked.

"You might have a point, there!" Billie laughed as she reached for the door labeled '5129' and held it open for Cat.

"I'm not going in first!" the red head exclaimed.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Cat! Who do you think we're going to run into in there? We don't know a fricken soul in this town!" Billie replied as she entered in front of Cat.

The smell of new rubber hit their nostrils as soon as they entered the store. Mischievous anticipation filled Cat's face... and Billie's too, as they both recognized the scent at the same time.

Cat huddled close to Billie as they walked down the aisles. The petite red head was awestruck at the seemingly endless array and variety of toys as nervous excitement built in her chest. "Oh my god, Billie! Look at this stuff! Damn!" she exclaimed.

Billie's eyes couldn't possibly open any wider as she scanned aisle after aisle. Rows upon rows of dildos in different shapes, sizes, colors and textures... whips, chains and handcuffs... lubricants, creams, body paints and edible underwear... vibrators, dog collars and bondage toys... pumps, condoms and harnesses... hoods, masks and torture toys.

Cat was mesmerized and totally overwhelmed by it all. Her knees were weak and she became light headed as she clung to Billie.

"Damn, Cat. I am so horny, I could rip open these dildos and use them on you right here and now on the floor!" Billie exclaimed.

"Over my dead body!" Cat replied.

"If necessary," Billie said.

"Billie!" Cat protested as she jabbed her wife in the ribs.

Holding her side, Billie looked at Cat and said, "Don't tell me this stuff isn't affecting you too!"

"Well....," Cat hesitated.

"Well, nothing!" Billie retorted as she reached for one of the largest dildos on the rack. "Don't tell me you wouldn't like a piece of this big boy!"

"By the gods, Billie!" Cat said, her knees nearly buckling at the thought.

Billie reached out to steady Cat as as the smaller woman reached for the dildo. "Come to mama!" Cat said loudly, forgetting she was in a public place.

Billie laughed heartedly as she watched the dildo bounce back and forth in Cat's hand.

"I thought I recognized your voices!" came the sudden sound of a female from around the corner of the aisle.

"Ahhh!" a startled Cat exclaimed.

"J... Jen! What a pleasant surprise!" Billie said as she tried to shield Cat (and what Cat was holding) from the woman's view.

Cat looked at the gigantic dildo in her hand and quickly tried to hide it behind her back as Jen peaked over Billie's shoulder.

"Hi there, Cat!" Jen said. "Are you enjoying your little shopping trip?" she asked.

"Wha... how... ah... we're just looking," Cat stammered.

Jen placed her open hand on the side of her face and inhaled deeply. "You know - I was just telling myself that very thing when I realized the sound of foreplay in aisle 4 was you two. I said to myself, 'Jen - you know they're just window shopping... they would never dream of buying a big, burly, rippled, true to life, natural feeling, probing instrument like the one Cat is hiding behind her back right now. Now I ask you... whatever would these two young, sensuous, hot as hell, chickie-poo lesbians do with something like that? Get real!' Oh no, I totally agree, something like this is just not for the two of you," Jen concluded sarcastically as she reached behind Cat and retrieved the larger than life dildo from Cat's hand.

"Hey!" Cat exclaimed, grabbing it back from Jen and holding it close to her chest.

"And just what are you doing here, Jen?" Billie asked.

"Yeah - what are you doing here?" Cat repeated.

"Following you, of course!" Jen replied. "I figured that sooner or later you'd discover this place... and I sure as hell wanted to be here when you did!"

"Oh groan!" Cat murmured under her breath.

"So... are you gals up for a threesome?" Jen asked perkily.

************************************************************************************************ Continued in Part 2