As I lay here, on the soft furs of my bedroll, I watch her.

It has become a nightly ritual for me now, as she sits in her solitude, I study her while she sharpens her sword or mends her leathers. I lay so very still so that she thinks I am asleep and I watch the firelight play across her skin, gold and orange. The occasional flash of blue if her eyes turn my way can be startling at times, and I have to stop myself from gasping, in fear that if she knows I'm awake, she will look and see the wonder my eyes carry for her.

I remember the night that began my ritual...I had not been travelling with her for very long and I could not sleep, as I was feeling homesick for my family. But I dared not approach my new found friend as I knew she valued her quiet time after I had retired for the evening, so instead I watched her.

At first I watched her arms, the play of her muscles as they tensed then relaxed as she brought the sharpening stone along her blade. Then as my gaze strayed up to her face I was amazed to see a soft smile on her lips, but nothing prepared me for the wonder I felt at the look in her eyes. I cannot describe the beauty of the colour, but they seemed to burn brighter than even our campfire. It was then I realised that, for the first time, I was seeing the real Xena, the real woman behind all those walls she had built.

It did sadden me at first, how lonely it must have been for her, to feel that you could only truly be yourself when alone. It made me hurt to think she couldn't be herself with me. But as I lay pondering this thought I heard a miraculous thing, laughter.

"Oh Gabrielle!" she chuckled, then shook her head.

I did not know what she was thinking of, nor did I care if she was laughing at me, because the warmth of happiness I felt at bringing her such joy gave me a sense of peace and as suddenly as it began, my homesickness was gone. I did not have trouble sleeping the rest of that night.

As I come back to the present, I sigh at the memories. Even though we have only been together a few short months, my friendship with Xena had become the most important thing in my life, and much like the young Prince I had met a few days ago when he told me about his love, the first time I saw that joy in my friends eyes I had resolved myself to making it appear as often as possible.

As I look up towards my companion I sigh again, though tonight is different. I can see the real Xena, that much is true, but there is no joy burning brightly in her eyes, they seem dead and lifeless. Because the firelight that illuminates her skin is not a simple campfire, it is the funeral pyre of her beloved friend, a man I didn't know.

As I said, tonight is different. Tonight I cannot simply lie watching her and pretend I am asleep, the pain she is feeling is suffocating my soul. I do not care if she wants my presence or not, I have to do something.

I sit up noisily in my bedroll, to at least give her fair warning of my approach, but her eyes are staring into the pyre and she does not see me. I feel my heart break as I see the tear tracks that are running down her face and it is not until I am halfway across our camp that she notices my presence.

Immediately I see the walls go back up and she averts her eyes from me as I take my place next to her.

"I thought you were sleeping" she whispers, her voice cold.

I do not answer her, I just sit mesmerised by the deadness of her eyes and wonder at my next course of action. Slowly I reach and place my hand on her forearm and watch as her entire body tenses, I fear that she may strike me but she does not, then she begins to clench her jaw as her body shakes with the effort to keep strong emotions in check.

We sit like this for a time, her eyes refusing to look my way, her muscles coiled like a snake ready for the attack and her body shudders again as I start to draw small circles on her skin with my thumb.

Not knowing where my courage comes from, I cannot stand it any longer and I wrap my arms tightly around her waist. I know that she could throw me to the other side of the camp with her strength, but I do not care. She begins to scowl and struggles weakly, her breath coming in short pants before a noise erupts from her throat, a keening so animal like I can feel the pain washing over me and I begin to cry.

"Oh Xena"

She begins to sob violently and I hold her so tightly to myself I feel pain as her breastplate digs into my skin. She turns and buries her head in my neck, almost biting my skin as she cries so hard.

As she begins to calm I rock her gently, then gasp as I feel her kissing the soaked skin of my neck. She looks at me now, her eyes no longer dead but desperate, she wraps her fingers tightly in my hair and paws my scalp like a cat as her body begins to shudder anew.

"Please?I need?"

I understand what she is asking and without fear I silently nod my ascent. I do not mind when her mouth seizes mine violently and I do not care when she thrusts her tongue into my mouth without waiting for permission. I hold her to me and give her all she needs. When she grabs my hand and guides it underneath her battle skirt I begin stroking her urgently, and when she cries out her dead friends name to the heavens, my heart does not break.

Later, as I let her take me, I see her eyes begin to burn again.

Later still, when we are lying together on the hard ground, I hear her whisper "Thank you" into my skin, she then turns her unguarded eyes to mine.

"Why did you??" she croaks

"You are the most important person in my life Xena" I answer simply

And as the joy begins to burn brightly in those beautiful eyes again, I reaffirm my belief that I will do anything to make it appear as often as possible.

THE END

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