Who Saves the Hero by Kudara

Chapter 15

Illium - Nos Astra Temple of Athame

Shepard opened her eyes and lifted her head, feeling much more at peace than she had earlier and ready to meld with Samara without being concerned that her emotions would bleed over into it. Granted, she didn't know the justicar well yet, but from what little she had seen of Samara thus far, it was obvious that the asari was a very formidable and self-controlled woman. Exposing the horrible mess that was her current personal life to the asari was not Shepard's idea of how to make a good impression on her newest crew member.

She looked down at her omni-tool, checking the time, and winced. It had taken her almost thirty minutes. Ah well, all of that time had been needed to re-strengthen her mental barriers. She looked around the small, bare room she had been shown to after requesting a quiet place to meditate. It had a narrow, but comfortable looking bed, the floor cushion upon which she had been sitting, a desk, a data terminal and a window that looked out over a scenic view of a tranquil, wooded lake shore and quiet waters. It was simple and functional; for what it was, she liked it. The temple itself was located on the very outskirts of the city, and was about a twenty minute air car ride from Nos Astra.

She rose to her feet, exited the room and looked around. When she had last seen Samara, the asari had been speaking quietly to one of the priestesses of Athame. Now the priestess was nowhere in sight. Instead the red armored asari was standing out on the parapet overlooking lake with Garrus and Tali, listening to whatever the other two were saying. She crossed over to them, and noted that the conversation ended as soon as Garrus spotted her. That was suspicious. Of course, she might be wrong, Shepard chastised herself, and they hadn't been talking about her at all but just stopped because they knew she would want to talk with the justicar.

Shepard joined the trio, stepping into the space between Samara and Tali, "I'm ready. Sorry it took me so long."

Samara nodded to them and then turned her attention to Shepard, "Did you wish to meld here or inside?"

Shepard noted the justicar didn't once again state that she didn't need to know more about their mission or say anything about the dangers of curiosity. Perhaps that had been what Garrus and Tali had been discussing with her. "Inside, please," she replied. The thought of some stranger walking by and watching them while she was unaware and caught up in her memories was more than a little creepy, priestess or not.

"What were you three talking about?" she asked curiously as they walked back into the room.

"Our conversation covered more than one topic," Samara replied. Shepard didn't know if it were just her suspicious imagination providing reasons to be jumpy, but it really seemed to her as if the asari's gaze was much more knowing than it had been before. Plus, Samara's reply didn't really sound like much of an answer to Shepard. The justicar observed, "Your companions are quite protective of you."

What exactly did that mean? "We've been through a lot together," Shepard replied truthfully, but with a touch of wariness, "I feel the same way about them." Samara nodded, as if she expected no other answer. The commander drew in a breath and asked casually, "Did one of those topics happen to cover this morning's events?" There, that was vague enough for her to just wave it off if the justicar said no.

Samara inclined her head, "They felt I should understand why you needed the time to meditate." Shepard could feel her jaw clenching. Damn it. What had happened between her and Liara was not an acceptable topic for gossip. "You should not be angry with them," Samara interrupted Shepard's irate thoughts. "They did not go into any detail, only that you had received confirmation that the relationship you were in had ended." She paused for a second before adding, "I had already felt echoes of your sorrow in your aura, but I would have never guessed its cause to be so recent. Your control over your emotions is impressive Shepard, as is your dedication to your duty." There was nothing but respect in the justicar's serene tones. It completely derailed the Commander's building anger. "Also," Samara added, "if I take the position in your team that I believe you wish me to take, in the future, I will be as aware of such personal events in your life as they are now."

Shepard let out an irritated breath though she also had to smile. "Applying reason to the situation to calm the agitated human down?"

Shepard was astonished by the very brief appearance of a matching smile on the justicar's lips, "I have spent much of the last four hundred years on my own. My conversational skills are perhaps a little rusty."

The Commander's smile turned wry and she bowed her head for a moment before lifting it again to meet the justicar's pale blue eyes, "They don't seem rusty to me," she commented dryly. In fact they seemed about as rusty as her own skill at Skyllian Poker, which was to say not at all.

The asari nodded, her expression quietly satisfied. "Both Garrus and Tali'Zorah were quite insistent that I needed to understand the full scope of your mission, and that it extends to more than just the destruction of the Collectors."

With that sobering reminder of what they had come here for, Shepard felt her smile die., "It does," Shepard confirmed, "I don't know what the Council's response was to the information I sent them about the attack on Horizon yet, but as far as I'm concerned I'm investigating not only the reason behind the Collector attacks, but also the reason Cerberus is so interested in stopping them as well. I know Cerberus," she stated, her eyes narrowing, "They aren't doing this out of altruism. There's something they want badly out of this, and if they want it that badly, then whatever it is supports their goal of human domination of the galaxy."

"You don't agree," the justicar commented, looking intrigued.

Shepard shook her head, "Despite Cerberus' rhetoric to the contrary, humanity is doing just fine on the galactic stage as it is." She slashed her hand through the air in sharp rejection. "We don't need the Illusive Man's type of help," she said, her tone hard.

Samara inclined her head, "Considering that your race only discovered the mass relays thirty-six years ago, humanities rise among the Council races has been impressive." Shepard nodded. Despite those that chafed at what they saw as slow progress, humanity had risen very quickly in galactic prominence in a very short time. "So part of your mission is to discover whether Cerberus' intentions present a danger to the Council and to the other Council races?" the justicar inquired.

Shepard nodded, "It is. Defeating the Collectors and finding out what Cerberus wants are two out of our three missions." She paused, momentarily distracted by the memory of the Council's dismissive response to her claims that the Collectors were working for the Reapers. Determinedly she pushed it, and the bitter hurt that accompanied it, aside, "Despite the importance of the two missions I've already mentioned, it's the third that is actually the most critical." She hesitated for a second, but Samara didn't react. The justicar simply appeared to be waiting patiently for her to finish. "We need to find out if the Reapers are controlling and directing the Collectors. And if they are, then stopping the Collectors takes on another layer of urgency because the Reapers will be using them to find a way to bring their fleet in from where they're hiding in dark space. That cannot be allowed to happen," Shepard stated grimly.

Now there was a reaction. "Reapers?" Samara questioned, a slight frown forming, and a touch of concern showing in her expression. "I have not heard of such a race."

"It will be much easier to show you than to explain, and much quicker as well." And hopefully after showing the justicar her memories of talking to both Sovereign and Vigil, Samara would actually believe her.

Samara nodded, "I am curious about this different way of melding," she admitted. "Neither Garrus nor Tali would tell me much about it, only that you obtained the information on it while hunting Saren."

Shepard cleared her throat, "That would be because it's a prothean method," she explained, "and it's a bit complicated to explain exactly how I came to possess the knowledge of it. And then there's also the fact that it's classified information." The justicar was certainly giving her an openly surprised look now, rather like Rayna had earlier today, though Samara regained her demeanor of regal composure quickly.

"Fortunately," Shepard said, making up her mind on the spot, "As a Spectre, I have the authority to decide if an individual has a need to know the information, and I think you need to know it." If Samara was going to help her find the remaining prothean memories the asari needed to know how she had obtained them in the first place. "I trust that you understand you will not be able to discuss the information with anyone else other than me, Garrus and Tali?" Realizing she had left one rather important group out, she added, "And the Council members of course, if you ever have any reason to discuss it with them."

Obviously deeply in thought, Samara took her time in replying. Finally her eyes refocused on the Spectre, "I do not foresee this conflicting with the Code once my oath to you is done. If you believe it is necessary, then very well Shepard." The justicar stared at her with a thoughtful gaze, "I will admit I did not expect to be so deeply involved in matters of galactic intrigue when I accepted your offer to assist you in destroying the Collectors," she stated evenly.

Shepard nodded, she knew the justicar was right; this wasn't what Samara had agreed to when she joined them. "I am sorry for that," she apologized, "but as the detective showing up proved that alley wasn't the right place to discuss all of this. If you're not interested in getting involved in any more than taking care of the Collectors after you know everything, then that's all I'll expect from you. I would not hold you to anymore than what you agreed to when you gave me your oath, but I would be lying to you if I did not admit that I am hoping that once you know everything you will willingly agree to more."

Samara gave her a searching look, she then dipped her head in a brief nod, "Then perhaps we should begin."

Shepard returned it with a brief nod of her own. "There are two things you need to know," she said moving toward the narrow bed and sitting down on one end of it, "the first is that I have a mental barrier that will block you from fully melding with me." She gestured toward the other side of the bed, "The second is that you will feel a pulling sensation at that point, allow it to pull you into the memory I've selected." Samara seated herself on the other end, "Give me a moment to bring up the first memory," Shepard said, "I'll say ready when it's time for you to initiate the meld." She closed her eyes; she knew Samara wouldn't understand anything else that followed if she didn't understand the extent of the threat of the Reapers first. That meant starting with the conversation with Sovereign on Virmire.

She was standing in Saren's private laboratory, a glowing red holographic image of the Reaper ship before her. She stared at it, one thing about her new drell-like memories; there was nothing quite like being able to remember absolutely everything that was stored inside your mind about an event for a disturbingly vivid and accurate memory of it. "Ready."

"Embrace eternity," Samara said softly. It was but a second before Shepard felt the asari's mental touch. She reached out toward it, pulled, and then the calm, controlled presence of the justicar was with her inside her mind.

"You are not Saren," a cold, mechanical sounding voice said, it had an odd echoing quality to it as if whatever was speaking was in a large open space.

"What is that? Some kind of VI interface?" Tali asked.

"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."

"I don't think this is a VI," Tali now sounded frightened.

"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own that you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."

Shepard's eyes widened and her blood chilled as she realized exactly what they were talking with, "Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found, it's an actual Reaper!"

"Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."

Wrex spoke up, "The Protheans vanished 50,000 years ago. You couldn't have been there, it's impossible!"

"Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal, the pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."

Like hell it was, Shepard glared at the holographic image of her enemy, "There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to face you."

"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."

"Cycle? What cycle?" Tali asked.

"The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations, rise, evolve, advance, and at the apex of their glory they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind."

Eyes narrowed, Shepard asked suspiciously, "Why would you construct the mass relays, and then leave them for someone else to find?"

"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, or technology. By using it, your society develops on the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."

"Their harvesting us," Tali only echoed Shepard's own thoughts, "Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out!"

"What do you want from us?" this had now become an information gathering attempt; she would keep this thing talking as long as possible. Her mission had just expanded; she needed to not only destroy this base but to find out as much about the Reapers as she could, "Slaves? Resources?" She knew the Councilors were skeptical that the Reaper's actually existed, but now...they had to believe.

"My kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation, independent, free of all weakness. You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence."

"Where did you come from? Who built you?" Shepard asked next.

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

Impossible, something had to build these things for them to exist in the first place. "Where are the rest of the Reapers. Are you the last of your kind?" She could hope, but she doubted they would be that lucky.

"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."

The beacon message Shepard realized, the images of Protheans running, trying to escape the ships and what came from them to annihilate them, or simply clinging together crying out in fear and despair at what was happening. World after world after world, their populations completely eradicated, their buildings brought down and destroyed, their civilization wiped out as if it had never been. By these things. She stared her hatred, her defiance at it; she would not permit what had happened to the Protheans to happen to those she was sworn to protect.

"You just admitted that the universe only spontaneously generates organic life. You had a beginning, when organic life created you. And if you attack us you will have an end, when we destroy you," she declared her tone conveying equal parts chill anger and resolution.

"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."

She ducked as the glass windows on one side of the room exploded inward, showering the area behind them with bits of broken glass.

There was the chirp of an incoming communication, it was Joker, "Commander, we got trouble."

She drew in a breath, already suspecting what he was going to tell her, "Hit me with it Joker."

"That ship Sovereign, its moving. I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half." She shook her head; she had just had to challenge it. Oh well what was done was done. "It's coming your way and it's coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there - fast!"

Shepard broke away from the memory, it wasn't necessary to go into the details of what had happened next. She felt Samara's mental presence pulling away and opened her eyes. She hadn't been done yet, but she could understand why the asari might have thought she was finished.

Samara was not looking at her, instead the justicar's pale blue eyes were narrowed and from the way they were moving from side to side Shepard guess that she was reviewing what she had just seen. It reminded Shepard of how Shiala had looked after giving her the cipher and in doing so witnessing the pieces of the beacon message she had possessed then.

"The Reapers and their destruction of the Protheans were the evil you spoke of that must not be allowed to happen again," Samara said, focusing upon the Spectre, her tone and expression gravely serious. Shepard nodded. "Why have I heard nothing about them?" the justicar asked next.

Shepard sighed; she knew it was best to be entirely truthful, "Because the Council believes that the Reapers are just a myth that Saren used to get the Geth to follow him. That the holographic image was a fake and that I was stupid enough to believe it was real. There weren't enough pieces of Sovereign that the Council managed to claim for themselves for them to think that it was anything but a very advanced Geth warship." She knew Samara had caught her deliberate use of the word claim, she already knew that the turians managed to make off with the main gun, and she suspected that Cerberus had managed to lay its hand on several pieces of Sovereign as well. "Without absolute proof that the Reapers exist, they won't admit that they are a real threat," she continued, "I think it's a combination of they don't want to admit it and they're afraid of the public's reaction if they did announce it. As Anderson said to me the last time I met with him, their existence is the stuff of nightmare."

Samara lips turned downward in a slight frown, after a long moment of thoughtful silence she said, "Unfortunately, I can understand their hesitation, it is possible that what you spoke to was a cleverly made VI program originally designed to persuade the Geth that Sovereign was a Reaper. If the Reapers do not actually exist, much effort and resources would be wasted and lives might be lost if there was panic. However, if they do exist, then the Council's inaction will have disastrous consequences for every species." She paused, looking pensive, "It is a difficult decision."

"I agree," Shepard admitted, "and I would be inclined to accept it, if the encounter on Virmire were the only thing I was basing my belief in the Reaper upon, but it's not. I encountered a prothean VI on Ilos that told us about the group of prothean researchers that managed to survive in cryogenic suspension until the Reapers left and what they did to give us a chance to break the cycle of extinction. And then there was the last time that I spoke to Saren," Shepard shook her head remembering the former Spectre's fate. "He wasn't leading anything. Instead Sovereign was controlling him. He broke free at the end and took his own life, allowing me to stop Sovereign. He died redeeming himself, fulfilling his oath to protect the galaxy, even if it was from his own actions while under the influence of Sovereign's indoctrination."

"Indoctrination?" Samara inquired, her eyes narrowed briefly as she said it and a subtle tension threaded through her tone.

"Sovereign emitted an energy field which allowed it to control people's minds," Shepard explained. "That's what happened to Saren... and what happened to Matriarch Benezia and to her disciples that came with her." Shepard clenched her fist, her jaw tightening as she focused intently on her words; she didn't want to get caught up in the memory of Benezia's death, not now. "Lady Benezia had only the best intentions; she wanted to persuade Saren to turn away from his destructive path. She didn't realize until it was too late for all of them that she wasn't actually facing Saren, but Sovereign. Even at the end she never realized that it was actually Sovereign that was controlling her and not Saren using Sovereign." Shepard paused, unclenched her hand and stretched it out while gazing out the window at the gently waving lake waters. She sighed, regret and angry frustration laying themselves like a mantle about her shoulders once again as her thoughts slipped toward what had happened on Noveria. She forced herself to stop, focusing only on the now, on the reflection of the sky in the lake, it was in the past and there was nothing she could do to change it. She turned her gaze back on Samara and finished what she intended to say, "As you saw, even I didn't realize until I went to Virmire that the ship itself was sentient and was a Reaper."

"An Ardat-Yakshi has a similar ability," Samara said, her expression surprisingly solemn as she regarded Shepard. "They are able to twist a person's mind until they willingly obey them," the justicar explained, her tone underlain with a hint of grimness.

Ah, that had been the reason for the tension she had heard in the justicar's voice, Shepard realized, Samara had run into something similar while hunting this murderer. There was a long moment of silence between them. On Shepard's side of it, the Spectre was thinking that it was unfortunate that they didn't have the time to really go too deeply into any one thing right now; she would have liked to have asked about Samara's experiences. See if her suspicions were right and they had both suffered through the bitter experience of being forced to kill someone whose only true crime was to be controlled by another.

They didn't have the time to delve into such a sensitive topic though, and Shepard knew they needed to move on, "I need to show you a few more things, such as," she paused for a second, letting her mind shift gears and began speaking in fluent prothean, "Mankoi amin tel' ar' teitho Eldalie, ar' hannas mani ta naa no aer i eneth l�n Edhel." Shepard had expected that Samara might give her an odd look for suddenly speaking in a strange language, but she hadn't expected the justicar to react this way or so strongly. Samara was leaning back from her; indeed the asari almost looked ready to get up off the bed, and was staring at her with a very wary and confounded expression. "Mani naa raika Samara?" Wrong language, Shepard shook her head, "What's wrong?"

The justicar straightened, the wary look faded and instead the asari stared at her intently, her head tilted slightly to the side as if the Commander had just presented her with a particularly intriguing puzzle. "What did you just do? What language was that?" she demanded her tone very similar to the way it had been when she was speaking to the Eclipse Lieutenant.

Shepard frowned at her, "Prothean." What in the world was going on here?

"Prothean?" Samara repeated her tone softening, becoming closer to what Shepard had already come to think of as its usual calm, melodious cadence. "Shepard, your aura shifted right before you spoke in it and just now it shifted back. I have never observed such a thing before," the justicar said. She paused and then admitted, "I would not have even thought it possible had I not just witnessed it."

"Ah," that explained a lot, no wonder Samara had been so startled. Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, "Well...yea I would guess not." How many people were walking around with two complete sets of cultural memories? She would be highly surprised if there were more than just she and Shiala, and Shiala wasn't affected by the cipher in quite the same way. "You know that each race has its own distinct type of cultural memory?" When Samara nodded she continued, "I have two distinct sets of cultural memories, one human and one prothean. I suspect what you saw was me shifting from one to the other and then back again." She gazed at the justicar, bemused, "I know a lot of things, some subtle, others less so, change about the way I think when I do that, but I didn't realize that it would have an effect on my aura. Of course, I don't really know what this aura you're seeing is. I mean, I gather that it's somehow unique for each person and it seems to be tied to your personality."

Samara nodded, "All life forms produce a bio-electromagnetic field. This field is a combination of an individual's physical, mental, and emotional characteristics, and what asari sense as an individual's aura," she explained. "The ability to sense it is associated with the asari ability to merge our nervous systems with other asari and with other races. A person's aura is unique and normally does not significantly change even over an individual's lifetime, which was why sensing yours abruptly shift in such a fundamental way was...unexpected."

Actually the asari weren't the only ones who could sense it, Shepard realized after hearing the explanation, but she wasn't ready to get into any discussion about the rachni just yet. She vividly remembered the vastly different way the queen had seen the world, and how the sheer intensity and amount of sensory information had almost overwhelmed her when they first joined minds until the queen had realized what was happening and eased the flow of it to her. The rachni had senses that neither humans nor asari possessed. It had been like being immersed in a sensory experience of the world, with sound, taste, and color mixing in unexpected ways and flooding her senses.

"I'm sorry," Shepard apologized ruefully, "I didn't mean to surprise you like that."

Samara gracefully inclined her head in acknowledgment, and then she asked, "What did you say?"

Shepard repeated what she had said in Galactic Standard, "Why I can speak and write Eldalie, the prothean language, and understand what it means to be Edhel or Prothean."

"Edhel," the justicar repeated the Protheans name for themselves softly, looking thoughtful. Her gaze focused on Shepard, "You were about to show me how this occurred?"

"Well...at least the beginning of it, at first the cipher wasn't quite the way it is now. How it changed is another long explanation in and of itself," Shepard replied. "Why don't we start with the events on Feros that led to me obtaining the cipher, move onto my conversation with Vigil, the prothean VI, on Ilos, and then my last conversation with Saren on the Citadel? Those memories will show you why I believe the Reapers are real and not just a Geth myth."

There was perhaps a brief flicker of disappointment in the asari's eyes, but then it was gone and the justicar nodded. "Very well," Samara agreed and looked at her expectantly.

Shepard closed her eyes, Feros, the colonists infected with the Thorian's spores, and their battle with the sentient plant. "Ready."

"Embrace eternity," Samara whispered, and then joined her, it was quicker this time now that both of them knew what to expect.

Between the gas grenades, and careful maneuvering to allow her to rush the occasional lone colonist, disarm them, and then knock them out with a few quick punches, or grapple with them and apply a sleeper hold until they passed out, Shepard had actually managed to not kill any of the Thorian controlled colonists. At least not yet. Quite frankly, she was amazed that it was going so well. There would be quite a few of the colonists that would need some medical help later for split lips and loose teeth, but at least they would be alive.

Then they had run into Fai Dan, the colony's leader. Unlike the others, he resisted the Thorian's attempt to make him attack them, and before Shepard realized what he was about to do turned his pistol and shot himself. Shepard stared in disbelief at his corpse, cursing herself for not foreseeing it, for not doing something to prevent it. She closed her eyes, thought about how much courage that had taken for him to do, even if she believed it wasn't necessary. When she opened them a second later, they were filled with resolve, she would stop this.

They used the crane to lift the freighter, revealing the way down to where the Thorian was located, and started downward into the depths. The Thorian turned out to be much more...larger and different than Shepard had anticipated, The creature was huge, filling up the central space of a circular opening bordered by a winding staircase that went several stories down into the earth.

The Thorian produced an asari looking creature, using it to speak to them. "Invaders! Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, only good to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth, as I did for Saren. You are within and before the Thorian. It commands that you be in awe!"

Shepard's brow rose at that but she didn't say anything about it, there were more important things to discuss. "You gave something to Saren, something I need."

"Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the Long Cycle. Trades were made. Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given! The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies! It will listen no more!"

Shepard's eyes hardened, "Saren had no right to trade you the colonists for anything. I won't let you keep them as your thralls. Release them!"

The green colored asari looking creature replied, "No more will the Thorian listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long. Your blood will feed the ground and the new growth!" and then promptly attacked them.

Between the asari looking creature that kept reappearing no matter how many times they killed her, apparently recreated again and again by the Thorian, and the thorian creepers, destroying the Thorian certainly wasn't an easy task. The only way Shepard could determine to destroy it was to sever the thick roots that supported the creature. They continued fighting their way back up the circular stairway that wound around the main body of the Thorian, firing at the roots as they came across them until the projectiles tore through and severed them. Finally the creature cried out in what sounded like pain, its great weight too much for the remaining roots which began to break free. It fell down into the depths, disappearing from their sight.

Movement nearby drew Shepard's attention, there was a large pod on the wall. It burst and an asari fell out, landing upon the floor. Slowly and obviously weak she struggled to her feet, looking around dazedly. "I'm free!" the asari exclaimed, sounding both disbelieving and relieved. She looked up, met Shepard's gaze still looking a little out of it, "I...I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."

Shepard immediately made the connection between the green asari clones the Thorian had created to attack them and this asari. Still, she didn't appear to be any threat and it certainly sounded like she hadn't wanted to be where she had been. Shepard glanced at the pod looking thing the asari had broken out of, not that that was surprising. "Are you alright, are you hurt?" Shepard asked, watching the asari closely. Despite her concern, she still wasn't letting her guard down, what was an asari doing on Feros? The first answer that came to mind was that she had something to do with Benezia.

"I am fine," she paused, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face and corrected herself, "Or I will be, in time. My name is Shiala I serve..." the asari's voice trailed off, she dipped her head looking sorrowful, "served Matriarch Benezia," she corrected herself. "When she allied herself with Saren so did I. Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have, she joined him to guide him down a gentler path, but Saren is compelling, Benezia lost her way."

Shepard frowned, she wasn't quite certain what Shiala was saying, but it sounded like... "Are you saying Saren can control minds?"

"Benezia underestimated Saren, as I did," Shiala admitted. "We came to believe in his cause and his goals. The strength of his influence is troubling."

"So she tried to manipulate Saren, but in the end her plan backfired," Tali realized.

Shepard found that hard to believe, "Asari matriarchs are among the most powerful and intelligent beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren's control?"

"Saren has a vessel, and enormous warship unlike anything I've ever seen," Shiala responded, "He calls it Sovereign; it can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren's will. The process is subtle, it can take days, weeks but in the end it is absolute." She lowered her gaze, looking ashamed, "I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed my biotics to communicate with the Thorian, to learn its secrets. Saren offered me in trade; I was sacrificed to secure an alliance between Saren and the Thorian."

"Saren's pretty quick to betray his own people," Shepard observed, frowning in disapproval.

"He was quick to betray the Thorian too," Shiala replied. "After he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all evidence of its existence. Saren knows you are searching for the conduit, he knows you are following his steps. He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher.

"What is the Cipher, and why did Saren need it?" Shepard asked.

"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions, but the visions are unclear, confusing. They were meant for a Prothean mind," Shiala explained. "To truly comprehend them, you must think like a Prothean. You must understand their culture, their history, their very existence. The Thorian was here long before the Protheans built this city. It watched and studied them, and when they died it consumed them. They became a part of it."

"So the Thorian taught Saren to think like a Prothean," Shepard realized, "How?"

Shiala answered, "The Cipher is the very essence of being a Prothean. It cannot be described or explained, it would be like describing color to a creature without eyes. To understand you must have access to endemic ancestral memory, a viewpoint spanning thousands of Prothean generations. I sensed this ancestral memory, the Cipher, when I melded with the Thorian. Our identities merged, or minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught, it simply exists."

"I need that knowledge to stop Saren," Shepard stated. It had to be possible, after all Saren had received this Cipher.

"There is a way," Shiala said sounding hesitant, "I can transfer the information from my mind to yours as I did with Saren."

Shepard nodded, if this was how Saren gained the knowledge then it should work for her as well. Shiala led her through a short visualization exercise, making it easier for them to meld, and then the asari had given her the Cipher. The beacon message still hadn't made as much sense as Shepard had hoped, but for the first time she had at least understood it as something more than nightmarish images of terror and destruction. Enough to comprehend that it was a warning about the attacks on the Prothean Empire, that there was a place of refuge, though she still couldn't make out where, and then the image of their attackers, the Reapers.

From that memory, Shepard transitioned to her memories of Ilos and the desperate rush to find a way to open the heavy blast door that Saren had closed almost on the mako's front end after Joker managed to drop the vehicle in just about on top of him. After fighting several geth, including a few colossi, they had managed to find the controls, open the blast doors and finally start along the narrow roadway after him.

Then they had come upon a shimmering golden energy curtain stretching across the entire roadway. Shepard brought the mako to a stop, not wanting to plow into it, no sooner had she done that than another one activated behind them, blocking them in. Then, immediately to their right, a doorway in the wall slid open revealing a passageway leading downward. It was a clear invitation from something. One elevator ride down, they entered a cavernous room lined with rows upon rows of stasis chambers and came upon a badly degraded Prothean VI, Vigil.

It was Vigil who had raised the energy curtains to stop them. The VI program needed to speak with them, to make sure they understood what they were facing so they did not make the same mistakes the Protheans had made. Shepard had listened with growing horror as it told them that the Citadel was actually a trap. It was an inactive mass relay linked to where the remainder of the Reaper fleet awaited in dark space, the empty void beyond the galaxy's horizon.

The Keepers were essential to the Reapers plans; they were a species modified by the Reapers to maintain the Citadels basic functions, allowing races that found the Citadel to operate it without understanding the stations underlying technology. In this way, the Reapers kept the fact that it was actually an inactive mass relay hidden until the relay was activated, the Reaper fleet invaded and it was too late. That had been the fate of the Protheans, in one stroke their government and main fleet was destroyed. Then the Reapers had taken over the Citadel and through it the mass relay network, shutting it down and separating each Prothean world. It had crippled their empire, making each isolated star system easy prey for the Reaper fleet.

Methodically the Reapers had wiped out world after world, ignoring all offers of surrender. Through the Citadel the Reapers had access to all the information on the Prothean Empire, records, maps, and census data. They knew where each world was located, and how many Protheans were on each of them. Some worlds the Reapers utterly destroyed; on others they enslaved the populations. They then used these indoctrinated slaves as sleeper agents. Once taken in as refugees by other worlds, these indoctrinated Protheans would betray them to the Reapers.

Relentless, brutal and absolutely thorough, within a few centuries the Reapers had either destroyed or enslaved almost every Prothean. The indoctrinated slaves stripped everything of value from the Prothean worlds, all technology, all resources, and then, certain that they had exterminated all advanced organic life, the Reapers retreated back through the Citadel relay into dark space and sealed it behind them. All evidence of their invasion was wiped away; the cycle was ready to repeat again. The indoctrinated slaves were abandoned. Mindless husks, they were unable to care for themselves and soon starved and died.

The genocide of the Protheans should have been complete, but the Reapers hadn't known about Ilos. A top secret research station, the information about the project was destroyed when the Reapers first attacked the Citadel. The Protheans had been on the verge of unlocking the secrets of the mass relays, Ilos was where this research was carried out. The researchers had managed to build a small scale relay before the Reaper attack, one that linked directly to the Citadel, this was the Conduit.

The researchers severed all communications and retreated underground in to the archives. They went into cryogenic stasis; and Vigil was left to monitor the situation. When the Reapers left he was to waken them. But the extermination of the Protheans went on for centuries; and one by one Vigil was forced to deactivate the cryogenic pods to conserve enough energy to maintain the rest. Finally only the pods containing the senior researchers were left, and even those were in danger of failing when the Reapers finally retreated back through the Citadel relay.

As harsh as Vigil's decision had been, it had saved the senior researchers. When they awoke, the dozen that remained realized that there were too few of them to rebuild their species. The Prothean race was lost, but they vowed to find a way to break the cycle forever, to give the young races that were just now creating their own civilizations a chance to defeat the Reapers.

They decided to focus their attention on the keepers, who were controlled by the Citadel. Before each invasion a signal was sent to the station which in turn sent a signal to the keepers directing them to activate the relay. After decades of study the researchers found a way to alter this signal. Using the Conduit they traveled to the Citadel and made the modification. Undoubtedly they also died there, the Conduit was only a one way prototype, without any food or water besides what they carried on themselves the researchers had known it was a suicide mission from the beginning. They had succeeded though, this time when the signal was sent to the Citadel the keepers ignored it. The Reaper had to find another way. The prothean researchers' sacrifice, their last act of defiance against the machines that had destroyed their entire race, was the only reason the Reaper invasion had not already begun. Why Sovereign had to use Saren to find the Conduit and a back way into the Citadel.

Shepard was ready to leave. Virgil had given them a data file which would corrupt the Citadel's security protocols, allowing them to take temporary control of the station. With it, they hopefully had a chance to stop this, to prevent Saren from giving control of the station over to Sovereign.

If Saren succeeded, then Sovereign would activate the relay and the Reaper fleet would pour in from dark space starting the cycle of extinction yet again. Then all of them, human, turian, salarian, asari, quarian, volus, elcor, hanar, drell and batarian would all die, down to the very last member of their respective species. Sovereign had lured Saren in by promising that if he helped the Reapers some of them would be allowed to live, but it was even clearer to Shepard than it had been before that Sovereign's promises to Saren had all been a lie. The Reapers would not permit any of them to live this time, not after what the Protheans had done. This time even the keepers would be destroyed and replaced by controlled geth that the Reapers would be certain could not be interfered with in the same way.

"Saren's got enough of a head start," Shepard said, "Grab that data file and let's go."

"Shepard are you sure," Liara pleaded with her, "Who knows how much longer Vigil will be here? Even now the projection is weak this might be our only chance to speak with it, our only link to the knowledge of the Protheans. It is the opportunity of a lifetime." She stared at the VI longingly; a child in a candy store window staring at all the treats inside with wide eyes had nothing on the asari right now. Shepard was torn between finding Liara's reaction impossibly endearing and wanting to shake her for forgetting about the urgency of the moment, Saren was getting farther ahead of them every second.

A pang of emotion swept though Shepard like a chill winter's breeze, mingled heartbreaking sorrow, longing, and resigned acceptance. Remembering this after what had happened this morning was so very hard. In that instant her control faltered and a swirling storm of memories swept through her.

'I'm sorry for dying,' -- the last frantic gasp for a breath only there was no air -- the blackness of space and the white shinning planet - her acceptance that death was inevitable -- the plea Liara and her crew remained safe -- the knowledge of what she was leaving undone, the Reapers. 'I'm sorry for leaving you alone' -- tears welling in Liara's beautiful blue eyes, "If I let myself...and you died...I can't, not again." Her very soul cried out in pain at those tears, at being the cause of them, and then Shepard ruthlessly clamped down on her emotions. She was not alone; she could not do this now.

"Echant rahm," Lindariel's voice whispered calmly in her mind. Build a wall. "Echant paran h�m rahm," the Elder's voice instructed. Build a smooth, cool wall. "M�n laith ar' r�n." Between the emotions and the memories. "Halad ar' n�m ar' h�m ar' d�nen." Tall and white and cool and still. Shepard pushed back the memories and the pain, quickly rebuilding her mental walls against them, until they rose smooth and tall and walling away everything she had not intended to share with the justicar.

Now she was left with her profound embarrassment that her control had been so poor that they had broken through in the first place and that she had subjected Samara to them. It was inexcusably rude of her, a mark against her honor and her families honor...Shepard's thoughts stilled for a moment as she realized that she was still thinking like a Prothean. This was embarrassing yes, and perhaps rude, but she hadn't stained her entire families honor, necessitating some recompense to Samara and her family for her shameful loss of control during a meld. Shepard felt a mental touch from the justicar, a moment of reassurance, that the asari was not offended and then the meld was broken. She opened her eyes, looked over at the justicar.

Samara stared at her, her still expression indecipherable. Though she was fairly certain her expression was even, inside Shepard was cringing in embarrassment. Samara probably thought she had melded with a madwoman by now. "The cipher included complete prothean memories," the justicar commented.

Expecting something completely different, Samara's remark caught Shepard off guard. It took her a moment to manage to reply, "Much of it is simply fragments, but yes, it does contain a few complete memories from individual Protheans."

"Witnessing Lindariel's memories was an interesting experience, as was feeling your mind shift between two distinct cultural viewpoints." What was interesting was how disturbed by this Samara sounded. "Shepard, from what I just experienced, I believe your mind is trying to integrate the prothean memories you received with the cipher with your own as if they were your own."

Shepard nodded, her brow furrowing with confusion, why was this an issue? "They are. My mind is making new connections to the memories as I remember them." Hesitantly she confessed, "Most of the memories the cipher contained are still locked away within my mind, waiting to be found."

Samara looked thoughtful, and then she gave a slow nod, "You did not obtain them through a bonding meld, so your mind is connecting to them as they are found. That makes sense." The justicar's pale blue eyes locked with Shepard's light grey ones, "My concern is with the mental confusion you felt. I believe you are beginning to think of them as your own memories, as if you actually lived that life. Young asari are taught how to keep such memories separate from their own to prevent just such a thing from occurring. There are meditation exercises we are taught that allow us to keep our sense of self separate from whatever memories we may experience while joining." Samara paused, a frown forming on her elegant features, "Asari have evolved to keep these memories physically separate from our own, making this possible. I am uncertain however, exactly how your mind has physically stored these memories."

"The same as an asari's actually," Shepard replied, relieved that was indeed the case, "Dr. Chakwas was surprised; humans don't usually store memories there. Humans usually store memories gained during a meld exactly as if they were our own."

Samara looked briefly surprised, and then she nodded, "I cannot promise that the meditation exercises we teach our children would help you as asari use the partner's cultural memories during a joining to understand their memories," she cautioned. "We do not physically receive a set of cultural memories as the cipher gave you. But they might be of assistance to you, and I would be pleased to teach you them if you wish to learn."

Shepard didn't even have to think about it, "I would be thankful for any help Samara. The prothean memories that I've uncovered so far have been both interesting and useful to me and I know I would have enjoyed meeting with and talking to both Instructor Suiadan and Elder Instructor Lindariel when they were still alive. The Prothean's culture has much to admire in it and I've found learning about it fascinating. But starting to think more like a prothean than a human...that's not so fascinating," she said wryly.

Samara inclined her head a brief smile curving her lips before her expression returned to a more tranquil one, "Having such memories will change you," she stated to Shepard, "that is simply part of experiencing them. However, that does not mean they should change who you are fundamentally."

Shepard nodded, Samara was right, having access to the prothean memories had started to change the way she did things before she died, and the process had only accelerated afterward. One example of that was the way she used her biotic charge now, and she hadn't even realized why it had changed until she actually recalled Instructor Suiadan's memories. "Both Instructor Suiadan and Elder Instructor Lindariel's memories have been of great use to me," Shepard admitted. She paused, and then added softly, "Lindariel's experience and wisdom in particular have recently been of great comfort to me."

The justicar did not say anything in response to this; the asari only returned her gaze with serene composure. "Well, there's still Saren's memory to go over," Shepard finally said, it was time to get back to what they had been doing before.

"You do not need to share any more memories for me to believe you Shepard," Samara responded before she got any further, "simply telling me will be enough." Shepard lowered her gaze, wondering what exactly the justicar as seen or sensed that she would make such a statement. "I do not wish to intrude on your grief again," Samara said, almost as if she had read the Commander's thoughts. Ah, Shepard grimaced, she couldn't really blame the asari for being doubtful that she could maintain her emotional barriers, after all she had just lost control of them. Once again the justicar responded as if she could read the Commander's very thoughts, "You should not feel any shame at mourning your loss, Shepard. You still care for her quite deeply," Samara said quietly, and to Shepard's surprise there was gentle understanding in her pale blue eyes.

She wasn't prepared for that, tears pricked, Shepard took in a deep calming breath, and nodded. Samara was correct; she was nearing the end of her ability to push aside these emotions. Obviously she couldn't even control her visible expression at the moment given how accurately the justicar was reading her. "You're probably right," her voice was slightly hoarse. Shepard paused to clear her throat before continuing, "We left the archives and went back to the mako. Vigil had lowered the barrier curtains so the way was clear for us to continue on. We ran into a few geth blocking the way, but they weren't a match for the mako's weapons, they only slowed us down a little bit. Then we saw the conduit ahead, Tali got readings off of it and started yelling that it was about to shut down in twenty seconds. We were about three thousand meters away at the top of an incline and there were four colossi guarding it. I gunned the mako and started swerving from side to side. I'm still surprised that we made it, but we did, enough of their fire missed that the mako was still in once piece when we got to the conduit and entered the relay."

"You can probably guess that the other end of the trip was the Mass Relay Monument on the Citadel's Presidium. Tali, Liara and I crawled out of the mako, which had landed on its side and started fighting the geth nearby. I never thought I'd see the Citadel that way," Shepard confided, "fires everywhere, the lighting flickering, warning klaxons sounding and the sound of gunfire and fighting. We started taking the elevator up to the tower but the geth stopped it, so we broke the glass and started up on the outside of the shaft. We ran into a lot of geth, even a geth dropship, fortunately Tali and I managed to manually bring online some of the tower's defensive turrets. They destroyed it, and we were finally able to reach the Council chambers at the top of the tower. That's when we saw Saren, just like Vigil had told us he led us to the stations main control terminal. Right at the end of the petitioner's platform, no one had ever even suspected it was there."

"Saren told me Sovereign had implanted him, that after our talk on Virmire he had begun to have doubts about what he was doing. The Reaper sensed it and implanted him to keep him under control." Shepard shook her head; the memory of Saren trying to persuade her to join Sovereign still shocked the hell out of her. How could Saren have even thought he was doing anything but wasting his breath? "Saren even tried to get me to join him, trying to claim that what Sovereign had turned him into was a symbiotic relationship between machine and flesh. That it was the evolution of all organic life."

"I argued with him, told him to just step aside and let me stop the invasion that we hadn't lost yet. He argued that the beacon visions proved the Reapers were too powerful to stop forever." Shepard paused, the memory of crouching at the foot of the staircase, her pistol drawn and held stiffly. Not sure that arguing with him was the right course of action because she knew Sovereign was trying to take control of the station at this very moment and maybe Saren was just stalling her. "I still don't know why what I said got through to him," Shepard said, shaking her head, "I only pointed out that part of him still realized that this was wrong, that he could fight it. Saren admitted that maybe I was right, but then the implants...he screamed at the pain," she said grimly. "I rose out of cover to talk with him face to face, see if there wasn't something..." Her voice trailed off, she shook her head, her jaw set grimly. "As soon as our eyes met, we both knew there wasn't, those implants... He said it, told me it was too late for him." Shepard drew in a deep breath, "Then he drew his pistol, placed it underneath his jaw, thanked me and then shot himself though the head. He just toppled," she remembered, "fell down into the atrium area below." She looked up at Samara, who hadn't interrupted her throughout her entire recitation of the events. The justicar's gaze was intent as the asari listened to her, her expression serene, her body language alert but relaxed as Samara waited for her to continue.

Which was what Shepard did, "After that, we used Vigil's data file to take control of the station and unlock the relays letting the Fifth Fleet in to attack the geth outside the station while they were separated from Sovereign and distracted with their attack on the Destiny's Ascension. The Fifth Fleet successfully destroyed all the geth ships allowing the Ascension to escape with the Council, and then I opened the station arms and every remaining ship began to attack Sovereign."

"While that was happening, I ordered Tali and Liara to go down and make sure Saren was actually dead. I didn't want Sovereign to somehow use his body. Unfortunately that accomplished exactly what I wanted to prevent, no sooner had they made sure of his death than somehow Sovereign activated his implants." Shepard shuddered, "It was a terrible sight, the flesh had been burnt off Saren's body until only bone and the implants remained. We fought that thing for almost three minutes, but we had good weapons and good armor and we brought it down."

"Maybe it was just coincidence and the Fleet broke though Sovereign's shields at the same moment, or maybe there was a link between it and the Reaper, either way Sovereign's shields did come down almost the exact moment when we killed it and the fleet took Sovereign down."

Shepard didn't feel like discussing the too close brush with death that came immediately afterward when a piece of Sovereign came crashing through the large window behind where the Council usually stood. "So," she asked Samara, not wanting to put off hearing the justicar's judgment any longer, "do you believe me?"

Samara returned her gaze, her expression gravely serious, "Yes, Shepard I do," the asari said, her tone matching her expression, "I cannot see any other way to interpret your discussion with Vigil other than to accept that what it said was true, and your discussion with Saren supports that explanation as well."

Shepard let out her breath in a quiet sigh of relief, "Thank you, Samara."

The justicar gave her a searching look, "No thanks are needed Shepard, I am merely accepting the truth, no matter how unpleasant it is to contemplate. I have been a justicar for many centuries and I have seen many things, evil never goes away just because one wishes it did not exist." What could Shepard add to that except her agreement, she nodded. After a moment the asari said, "I am curious, you speak as if the Council does not support your actions and yet you mentioned reporting to them and you retain your Spectre status. The Collectors are operating outside of Council space and yet your mission is to stop them."

"Not to mention that I'm working with Cerberus, who the Council has declared a terrorist organization?" Shepard added wryly and Samara regally inclined her head in acknowledgement. "The Council reinstated my Spectre status so long as I stayed out in the Terminus systems while working with Cerberus. Not that I wanted to work with them, but the Council refused to do anything about the Collector attacks. Leaving Cerberus as my only option if I wanted to find out what the Collectors were doing, and whether they were tied to the Reapers somehow."

"The Council plays a dangerous game," the justicar noted, a note of disapproval creeping into her voice.

Shepard was very impressed, Samara didn't have a lot of information to base her deduction upon, "I wasn't in the best shape to be dealing with them," she admitted her hand rising unconsciously to rub her cheek and jaw, remembering what she had looked like then, the glowing orange of the implants underneath her skin. "It only occurred to me later that maybe all of them weren't quite as dismissive of my Reaper claims as Councilor Metelleus. I know that Councilor Anderson isn't and I'd guess that Councilors Valern and Tevos aren't either, even if it's only to cover every possible contingency."

Samara nodded, "You are their guarantee in case they are incorrect and the Reapers are not just a myth."

"That is one possibility," Shepard commented. Then she sighed, "Or maybe we're reading too much into it and I'm too much of a political hotcake for them to risk offending Anderson and the Alliance and they just wanted me and my crazy ideas out of the way. It's hard to tell with those three, but one thing's for certain they had already decided to reinstate it before hand." Samara looked at her curiously. Shepard smirked, "They're rather obvious. If they want to make it look like their minds aren't already made up, they need to at least have the appearance of having a discussion about things before they declare their decision," Shepard stated dryly.

Again Samara's only reaction was the barest twitch of her lips in response to the Spectre's humor. "The Code binds me to your larger mission Shepard," the justicar said, she hesitated for a second before continuing, "It is difficult to envision a greater threat to innocent lives than these Reapers, thus I will extend my oath to your mission to destroy them." Again she paused, her lips pressing into a thin line for a moment before continuing, "And I will accept your offer to assist me with tracking down my fugitive as well. Defeating the Reapers will not be an easy task and it might also be a long one. I do not wish to think of her being free to continue her killing while I am bound by my oath to your mission."

Shepard nodded, it was something she had considered as well, that she might not live to see the Reapers make their final effort. It all depended on too much, and for all she knew it might drag out into a very long stalemate. The reapers unable to make the trip in by FTL drive from where they were located out in dark space and unable to activate the relay. "As I said," Shepard restated the promise she had made earlier, "so long as it doesn't endanger the mission, just let me know where she is when you find out where that ship went and I'll be happy to help you track her down and stop her."

"Thank you Shepard," Samara replied.

The Commander waved it away, "No need; she's a serial killer isn't she?"

The justicar stiffened and then nodded, "She is."

Shepard eyed her curiously, that was an odd response, "Why the special name?" It was something that sparked her interest, why would a serial killer be referred to by a word from a dead Asari dialect? Why demon of the night winds?

Samara lowered her head; Shepard observed the asari's jaw tighten perceptibly revealing the justicar's sudden disturbance. It was an odd reaction. "I hope you will understand if I wish to avoid this topic for now. It is deeply tied to my code and my beliefs," Samara said, she looked directly at Shepard, "You might say it is personal."

Shepard got the clear message underneath the justicar's words, please drop the subject. "So, do you want the long or short version of my suspicions regarding Cerberus?" She asked, completely changing the subject.

It took Samara a second to reply, "I would rather form my own impressions about them, if you do not mind Shepard. I learned long ago that there is too much room for interpretation in the opinions of others."

The Commander nodded, "Short version of my personal opinions it is then." As much as the justicar might like to form her own opinions, she needed to know Shepard's suspicions. "As I said, I think Cerberus has another hidden agenda behind their support of us going after the Collectors. I know the Illusive Man put out misinformation before I ever woke up to make it seem as if I was working with Cerberus for several months before I ever did anything with them." That still made her mad. "I'm pretty sure he's the reason that the Council hardly wanted to talk with me when I spoke to them. He didn't want me to have any other option than to continue working with Cerberus. Finally, he has a lot of information about the Collectors and the Reapers, probably enough to persuade the Council once and for all that the threat is real. He hasn't, despite his claim that he will do whatever is needed to defeat the Reapers. I believe he's purposefully keeping the Council in the dark. He doesn't want them to be ready, not before he can make sure that humanity will emerge as the strongest species at the end of the battle." Shepard shook her head, "He's endangering us all with his obsession. I can't permit that."

"Yet all you have are your suspicions," Samara stated perceptively.

Shepard nodded reluctantly, "I know he's lying to me, he hides it very well but there are little tells left in his expression and mannerism. But your right," she admitted, "I have no hard proof of anything, just my experiences with Cerberus before I died and several smaller things that are adding up to a nasty bigger picture in my mind now." She said it without really considering that Samara did not already know of her death, even thought the justicar must have glimpsed it in her mind during that short time when her mental barriers faltered.

The justicar eyed her intently, "Shepard, you have mentioned waking up several times now. I saw your thoughts earlier, and just now you stated that you died."

Shepard drew in a breath, damn it she was off her game today. She was not sure she wanted to really get into this, but she was the one who had brought it up in the first place. It was certainly understandable that Samara would be curious about it. "I briefly woke up in a medical bay maybe five or six months ago, but my body wasn't fully healed yet and they immediately re-sedated me. I woke up again just over two months ago to the sound of gunfire and the news that someone was trying to kill me...again. Then I found out I'd been dead or unconscious for almost two years while Cerberus rebuilt my body. The last thing I remember before that was the Normandy being destroyed by a Collector vessel, my hard suit's air supply getting punctured and then dying."

Samara stared at her, her eyes a little wider than normal; otherwise there was little visible reaction to Shepard's statement. Finally the justicar said, "I had thought perhaps that you had been saved."

She wished, "No, I was definitely dead when Cerberus got their hands on me," Shepard replied, her voice underlain with a faint bitter bleakness.

The asari immediately noticed it, she frowned, "You do not wish to be alive?"

"I..." Shepard stopped, shook her head and returned the justicar's gaze, "You know you're the first person to actually ask me that." She let out an explosive breath, "Honestly I'm torn. The Reapers have to be stopped. If for that reason alone I'm ok about Cerberus bringing me back to stop them." She turned her gaze to the window on the far side of the room, the bit of blue sky she could see from this angle. Just for a brief moment, anguish and longing twisted her features. Amanda knew what she felt, and what she had dreamt about. Even if she had never said it aloud before or even allowed herself to think about it too much. She believed that she had been somewhere and that wherever she had been it was everything and more she had ever been told it would be. But Amanda was a little afraid of people's reactions if she claimed that she had been to some type of afterlife, and all she had were vague nebulous feelings that could just as easily be accounted to drug muddled dreams while she was kept unconscious. Shepard shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I'm here now and we have several missions to accomplish." She looked down at her omni-tool, "We should probably get moving, it's been just over an hour since we arrived."

Shepard finally looked back over at the justicar. Samara was staring at her, her pale blue eyes intent, but after a moment the asari nodded, letting the subject drop as the Commander had with the subject of the Ardat-Yakshi earlier. "Very well, Shepard," she replied and gracefully rose from the bed. Shepard joined her and the two of them went in search of Garrus and Tali. It was time to return to the Normandy.

Continued...