Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
Warning: none
Notes: This story was originally inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am...Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
Additional Notes: Anar Hathol or Sun Swords will be based off the Halo series energy swords as far as having blades composed of magnetically shaped plasma and the energy source and controls in the hilt. Other than that though, there will be some significant cosmetic differences between the two. What can I say, Jedi have their lightsabers, Sangheili their energy swords, and here Dragahîr have their anar hathol or sun swords (which are neither lightsabers or energy swords).
Rating: Teen
Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
Revision History: 09/18/2010
Normandy - Third Deck Portside Observation Room - evening on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)
She still had no idea what about their conversation had disturbed the justicar, the asari hadn't addressed it again after shaking her head a little at her quip about not being boring. As for Samara's reply to her offer to listen if the justicar ever needed to talk, the asari's response hadn't quite been a reciprocal declaration of friendship, but Amanda suspected it was the closest the justicar had permitted herself to come to having a friend several hundred years.
Shepard thought she understood, Samara kept an emotional distance between herself and the rest of the world for her own protection. Getting close to someone and then being forced to choose between her feelings for them and her oath to follow the Justicar Code if they broke that Code.... Either kill a friend or break what should be an inviolate oath, a terrible situation for the asari either way. Amanda glanced over her shoulder at Samara who was once again meditating. If she truly wanted to be a friend to the justicar, perhaps she ought to have a better idea exactly those five thousand sutras of the Code covered, Amanda mused, just to make sure she had a feel for what it defined as just and unjust. She would hate to put Samara in that position, especially if it were something she could have avoided with a basic understanding of what the Code covered.
She turned back to the observation window and the view of the planet they were orbiting. She still needed to address what had happened earlier today with Gatatog Uvenk, especially since there was the possibility that the memory might show up at the most inconvenient time tomorrow such as during Grunt's Rite. All day she had avoided thinking about the headbutt and how she had used her biotics, worried that might be enough to trigger the recall of a prothean memory.
The good news was their conversation seemed to have accomplished what she had hoped. She didn't feel as conflicted or emotional about the idea of leaving the Alliance as she had before. Oddly enough, given how much she had been struggling with it, the idea of resigning her commission actually was beginning to feel freeing. She felt that parts of herself she had purposefully buried deep within herself were stirring at just the possibility that she wouldn't need to deny them any longer. She didn't know in quite what direction she wanted her life to go, but she did feel as if she needed a more whole and more honest version of herself to weight against the influence of the prothean memories she bore. Or maybe it was actually more of a counterbalance that she needed; there was a lot of similarity between the prothean sense of honor and honorable behavior and her own marine sense of honor and duty. Sometimes she could swear she felt the two of them merging a little bit more into one another as each day passed. Something that had probably influenced her growing intolerance and anger about the way the Alliance had treated her as well as her willingness to leave once they proved unable to live up to their own code of honor.
Shepard knew that with every memory the possibility that she would think more like a prothean increased, but how could she pass up the possibility she might learn something that would prove to be as useful as Suiadan's biotic charge? The answer was she couldn't. She couldn't pass up on an opportunity to learn a skill or discover a technology that might help her win the battles to come, no matter the possible risk to her sense of identity.
Amanda turned around and looked at the meditating asari thoughtfully, she felt ready to do this now. Hopefully, whatever had bothered Samara about their conversation hadn't disturbed her so much that they wouldn't be able to do this because of the asari's unsettled thoughts. "Samara," Shepard said quietly, not wanting to startle the justicar. The focused mass effect field between the asari's hands dissipated, and Samara looked up at her from where she was sitting on the floor inquiringly. "If you still feel like it, I think I might be ready for us to search for that memory. If I think of what happened today, it should be fairly simple to find." Amanda grimaced, remembering what had happened before and added, "At least I hope it will be simple."
The asari's initial faint look of surprise changed into contemplation as Samara considered her request. "Your use of biotics today was unusual and subtle; there was just the barest shimmer in the air to indicate that you had formed a mass effect field. I doubt that either krogan noticed," Samara commented after a moment. "I am not certain that I could duplicate the effect without much practice," the asari admitted. "It indicates you possess the memories of an extremely proficient biotic."
Shepard nodded, "Which is why I'd like to find that memory before it finds me," she pointed out, "and possibly finds me at a very inopportune time such as during Grunt's Rite." Samara stared at her, her face almost expressionless for a moment longer before the justicar nodded once. Suddenly uncertain about this course of action given the asari's behavior, Amanda hesitantly offered, "If this isn't a good time for you though it can wait." She didn't want to push Samara into doing this if the justicar didn't feel like it for whatever reason.
Samara gazed at her for a moment longer, and then the asari's expression eased, became imperceptibly warmer. Finally it altered into one Shepard was more used to, serene calmness. The justicar gestured toward the floor directly in front of her. "Please sit down Amanda."
Amanda stared at her searchingly, looking for signs that the asari wasn't as composed as she sounded. Their eyes met, and after a moment Amanda nodded in acquiescence. She lowered herself gracefully to the floor directly across from the asari and with their knees almost touching, just as they had before when they did this. Knowing what was coming Amanda closed her eyes, lowered her mental barriers and told herself to relax even though she felt a little vulnerable without them shielding her mind.
"Relax Amanda, open your mind and reach out for the threads that bind us all together," she heard Samara say in a calm voice, "Open yourself to the universe. Embrace eternity."
This time feel of the asari's mind merging with her own didn't automatically trigger a defensive reaction on Amanda's part as it had the first time. Instead she found Samara's strong, calm presence within her mind reassuring and familiar. Before they went looking for the memory though there was one thing Amanda felt she had to do, and that was to let Samara know in more than just words how much the asari had helped her earlier. Especially with the way she had acted at the time.
From the asari, Amanda got a faint feel of surprise, then a clear sense of pleasure before that emotion was closed off and Amanda knew that Samara would prefer that they proceed with finding the memory instead of continuing this. There was nothing unkind in the justicar's thought, just the sense that Samara would prefer to focus on what they were here to do. Amanda was a little disappointed, but after a moment's reflection, not surprised.
Onward it was then, Shepard thought back to earlier in the day when she had used her biotics to assist her in head butting Gatagog Uvenk. She remembered being thankful that she was wearing a helmet, she had reared back and felt the faint tingle of her biotics...how had she known to do that, from where had she learned it? She felt Samara within her mind examining the memory as well and then...
Thalion flowed underneath the blow, letting his student's staff pass harmlessly over him. Turning and spinning he brought up his short staff in a graceful arc, and in a sweeping move neatly caught his student behind the back of the knees. Branwen's legs buckled and the younger man fell back upon his rear.
He took a step back, "That would have been a deadly move with an anar hathol. You need to be more mindful of the flow of combat, and of the placement and likely actions of your opponent or opponents. As soon as I began my spin, you should have foreseen my action and moved to block my staff or withdrawn from range of my attack and then decided whether there was an opening to attack or prepared to defend yourself." He watched as the young man rolled to his feet. "Your dedication to mastering your biotics and your studies into tactics are admirable Branwen. To become a master of battle however, you must take the time spar as often as possible with your fellow students. There is no other way to teach your mind and body how to sense and anticipate the flow of combat other than to engage in it. Seek to balance your training better between your studies and your sparring.
Branwen rose, clasp his long fingered hands before him and bowed, "I will heed your wisdom, Dragahîr."
Thalion inclined his head in approval, "Let us repeat each of our attacks and blocks from your attempted strike. This time be prepared to counter."
The younger man nodded, "Yes, Dragahîr," he acknowledged and then moved back a few paces his dark eyes intent and determined.
Thalion was pleased to see it, Branwen was a promising student. He believed the younger man would be ready to advance from Dragasen, Apprentice or Student, to Dragaran, Journeyman, in another year or so if Branwen applied himself as diligently to his combat practice as he already did to his biotic and scholarly studies.
As soon as Thalion was ready, Branwen swung his staff; once again the older prothean ducked underneath it and spun. Only this time instead of being unprepared for the counter-attack the younger man half knelt with his arm lifted in a defensive block. There was a blue shimmer as he formed a focused mass effect field around his shin and defensively raised arm. Even as he pulled his strike in preparation for being knocked back, Thalion's dolthond's or headroots curved in pleasure at his student's response. Withdrawing would have been easier and simpler, but Branwen had chosen to shield instead, an offensive defense and a difficult one to master as well. If the attacker was not prepared for it, a biotic shield gave the defender a very good opportunity for a follow-up attack. The shield was a combination of a focused and hardened barrier and a timed biotic push pulse. It took a great deal of skill and practice to master both of the biotic skills involved as well as the correct timing of the biotic push pulse.
Thalion's short staff struck the biotic shield and was forcefully repulsed back towards him; this was why a shield frequently gave the defender an opportunity to attack. Expecting it, Thalion simply took two steps backward, controlling his retreat and keeping his guard up, instead of letting it knock him off his feet or off balance. "Very good," he praised Branwen as the younger male straightened, "with a full strength pulse you might have still had an opening to exploit on a counter-attack."
The younger man was the last of today's student's to spar with him; it was time to move on to other lessons. "Branwen, Mirima please get out the practice balls," he motioned toward the proper container at the end of the room which held the weighted and padded balls. "The rest of you form a line in the middle of the room," he instructed. He turned towards the two students he had asked to get out the practice balls and held up his hands. Mirima noticed and instead of tossing the ball in her hands to one of the other students she threw it to him.
Thalion caught it and then waited until each of the students had a ball as well and Branwen and Mirima joined them in the center of the hall. "This exercise is familiar to all of you," he started by saying. "Use your biotics to lift," he looked over at the ball and with a slight gesture of his hand formed a mass effect field around it that lightened its mass and lifted it into the air. "Then throw the practice ball," a sweep of his hand sent the ball flying toward the far wall. Immediately he reached out and formed another field, "Then use pull to bring it back to you before it reaches the far wall," he suited actions to words and the ball came back towards him. He leaned forward raising his arm and formed a focused biotic barrier around it, "Shield," he watched the ball closely as it came towards him and then with perfect timing as it impacted the shield pushed against it in a pulse. "Repulse it back toward the wall in front of you," he said as soon as he was done. He reached out his hand and, "pull," he suited words to actions and then, "evade stepping out of the way of the ball," he smoothly stepped back allowing the ball to pass by him this time. Again he reached out with his biotics, "Pull again," he brought up his arm and formed another shield, "this time shield and pulse only enough to stop the balls momentum," a slight push and when the ball impacted against the shield it bounced back about two feet and dropped to the floor. He looked at his students, "Then begin the cycle again as soon as you are ready."
He stood back and watched as his students began the exercise, watching them closely and noting where they needed more training. He noticed some of the less experienced student's balls were bouncing off the walls instead of being pulled back before they reached it. That wasn't surprising, the most difficult part of this exercise was the constant concentration needed to form so many different types of mass effect fields within seconds of one another. He noted who they were and simply continued watching for now, after several decades of teaching he knew that most would improve with further practice. A few might need further training in maintaining their battle focus. There were three or four who, though they were competent warriors, would be never move beyond their current initiate status of Dragasen. He could already tell they simply didn't have the discipline and focus necessary to obtain the proficiency in combat, biotics and tactics required to become Dragaran of the Order of Varnor, much less obtain the rank of Dragahîr. For their own sake, it was best that they come to that realization now, instead of after they wasted decades of both their lives and his.
He frowned as he noticed that some of the students were forming noticeable mass effect fields. The balls were light and not moving fast. At most he should see a slight ripple in the air and the bluish white glow as they shielded, and not the display of biotic energy that a few of them were making. "Halt," he called out firmly, and waited as the students either caught the balls or let them drop to the floor and then turned to face him. "As you are already aware, creating mass effect fields takes energy from you. Always create the least field necessary to achieve the effect you desire. During a battle you never know what may happen, how long you may need to fight or what may occur that will cause you to need to create one last mass effect field to save your life or the life of another. Always be mindful of conserving your energy, both biotic and of the body, you may have vital need of them later."
"Yes, Dragahîr," they raggedly chorused when it became clear he had finished speaking. Those to whom his speech was especially addressed looked embarrassed; they were aware of what had prompted it.
That one principle had saved his life more than once. Most citizens who lived on the core worlds of the Empire were unaware of how dangerous and lawless it could be on the fringes of Edhel space. There were always those who chose to walk an honorless path. Such people naturally gravitated to such places and took up criminal activities such as piracy and smuggling illegal goods and substances. There were even those who had fallen so far into dishonor and evil that they would trade in the lives of their fellow Edhilr. He still remembered his first encounter with slavery. He had been very young, only thirty-seven, and the idea that there were Edhil who were so completely without honor that they would sell and trade other Edhilr as if they were merely things had been almost more than he could take in.
He glanced up at the timepiece hung on the wall and motioned with his hand, "Continue with your practice," he instructed them. They had about forty more hanté in this training session. When the training session was over, the students quickly dispersed to their respective bathing halls to clean up before leaving for either their homes or the dormitories provided for off-world students.
On the way out of the Order's training facility, Thalion stopped by the statues of the god Thalion and his twin sister the goddess Callionel, the Protectors of the Empire which stood on either side of entry hall. Unlike the seated statues of the aged sages which were popular in the public gardens, these statues depicted Edhil in their prime. They stood tall and proud in their armor, with their anar hatholr, or sun swords, held upright in their gauntleted hands. The blades of the twin's weapons, made from the molten matter of the home world's sun, were stylistically represented with artificially grown crystals that were lit with a warm yellow-orange light.
Thalion had been named after the God, and in many ways he found it fitting that he had joined the Order of Varnor, the Order of the Protectors of the Empire, and eventually proven himself worthy of the title Dragahîr, or Battlemaster. He bowed low to each and then proceeded out of the hall, if he tarried any longer his wife, Adanessa, would have to wait dinner on him and he had promised his daughter Alassiel that he would help her with her schoolwork tonight.
'Amanda', the word caught Thalion's attention and he stopped to turn and look back into the hall uncertain if he had heard someone call out or not. 'Amanda Athene Shepard', the words were louder, more insistent. There was a moment of confusion as Amanda was caught in between her memories of Thalion and her own memories, and then prothean cultural mindset faded and she was aware once again that she was in a meld with Samara. They had found the memory.
The justicar stayed within her mind for a moment longer, and Amanda had the impression that Thalion's memories were as much of a surprise to the asari as they were to her. She had expected to find the memories of another biotics teacher from the university, not some type of prothean templar or knight who had seen several centuries of combat before retiring from active service to train the next generation of initiates. Not that that was bad, Amanda realized, thinking about her relative inexperience in using her biotics during combat. Thalion's memories could prove quite instructive and helpful to her. She sensed that Samara didn't exactly agree with her and then the asari withdrew from the meld. She opened her eyes, and looked quizzically at the justicar who was gazing back at her.
"While his memories may prove instructive," the justicar responded to her unspoken question, "I believe you will find them no substitute for actual combat experience."
"Hmm," Shepard uttered as she mulled over the asari's comment. She couldn't help but remember Thalion's comment to Branwen about there being no other way to teach mind and body how to react other than actual combat practice. "You're probably right, but I suspect his memories will still be helpful, especially the ones about combat biotics." She rose and looked around the room; there was something she really wanted to try herself. She looked over at the bookshelves, the books would not do, but one of the more durable sculptures on display in amongst them might.
She walked over and examined them closer, they were all replicas made out of heavy polycarbonate and magnetically clamped to the shelves by their base to ensure they didn't become dangerous projectiles during combat maneuvers. Among them was a familiar looking globe, an atlas of Earth. She detached it from its holder and hefted it, examining the ridges and dips of its contoured surface. It had some weight to it and looked like it would stand up to some abuse. It was close enough to what she needed, to do for now. She turned and walked back to where she had been standing in front of the observation window, which also happened to be approximately in the center of the room... lengthwise at least.
She was aware of Samara regarding her intently, but didn't say anything, certain that the asari had already guessed her current intention.
Using her biotics to lift things was something she was familiar with if not particularly practiced at doing; there hadn't been much use in being able to lift at most a few pounds worth of weight. Now recalling the way Thalion had done it she held the ball in one hand, lowered it and then formed a mass effect field around it to lift it up into the air. It felt oddly normal. Not that she hadn't been getting used to using her biotics, because she had, it was just that it felt different this time. More as if she was using a tool that she simply hadn't picked up in awhile, but still felt familiar in her hand. Was this how using their biotics felt like to an asari? The stray thought wandered into her mind, momentarily distracting her and causing the globe to wobble a bit as the mass effect field around it fluctuated.
Shepard returned her full attention to it, watching as the globe stabilized. Now for the next step, this was also a biotic skill with which she was already familiar. She concentrated on the globe thinking about what she wanted to do and then with a swipe of her hand propelled it across the room toward the wall above Samara's bed. Now to pull it back toward her, she began to form another mass effect field around the ball... and watched in dismay as the globe impacted against the wall, bounced off it and landed on the floor just missing the asari's bed. Shepard stared at the sphere as if it had betrayed her by not doing as she wanted for a second and then frowned at it. It wasn't the globe, it was her and she knew exactly what she had done wrong. After all, hadn't she just watched some of the students in Thalion's class do the exact same thing? She hadn't been quick enough to form the next mass effect field. Maintaining a battle focus, Thalion had called it in his mind.
She reached out and with a motion of her hand formed the correct mass effect field and pulled the globe back toward her, reaching up and catching it before it hit her. Shepard stared down at it the sphere in her hands thoughtfully, how did Thalion do it? Obviously it was more complicated than it seemed from his memories. She frowned, her eyes narrowing in concentration as she searched his memories for a hint as to what she was doing wrong and how to correct it.
She had been taught to first think about what she wanted to do with the mass effect field, begin to create it, and then associate a muscle movement with that particular biotic feat. Over time the muscle movement became associated with the complex thought patterns and a specific type of mass effect field, it became a trigger that allowed one to perform what was actually a fairly complex combination of mental imagery and mass effect field formation in rapid succession. The problem with learning biotics that way was that you still had a tendency to need to concentrate and think before actually doing, even with the biomechanical trigger of the specific physical motion.
Protheans were initially taught that way as well, Amanda realized, but then a lot of effort was spent to teach them through rigorous repetition to let the process become almost instinctual. It strongly reminded her of her dance and martial arts training. You first had to learn and think about what you were doing and how you were moving. After enough practice however, your movements became instinctual. At that point thinking too hard about what your body was doing, while you were doing it, was actually counter-productive and usually slowed you down. Your consciousness needed to be focused on what was going on around you and what needed to happen next, not on the specifics of exactly how your body was moving.
That was what she was doing wrong; her mind was literally getting in her way right now. She was still actively thinking about how the mass effect field should be formed, then forming it, and then doing the action. She needed to stop thinking so much about what she was doing and simply let her body do what was needed to perform the desired action. This was just like dancing, Amanda told herself. She no longer needed to think about how to move, the proper way to step or the precise angle her foot should be from the other, she just stepped.
She closed her eyes and thought about her martial arts training, her dancing, the mental concentration and energized focus required for... Her eyes opened wide in surprised realization as her memories of her martial arts training pulled out more of Thalion's memories and found a familiar concept. Mushin her Sensei, or martial arts teacher, had called it. It was a Zen word meaning 'mind of no mind', or a state of no-mindedness that was held up as the ideal mental state a martial artist wanted to obtain during combat. When one attained Mushin one was not troubled by emotion or thought, the mind was clear and yet focused, the body in a state of readiness and able to react almost spontaneously and without conscious thought to the actions of an attacker.
Her lips quirked up into a smile, and she had to smother a chuckle...Zen biotics. Maybe if she lived though dealing with the Collectors she should write a book on the Prothean technique, Shepard thought to herself in amusement. Still, that seemed to be exactly what Thalion meant by battle focus. Her eyes narrowed in concentration, trying to remember both the meditative techniques her Sensei had tried to teach them and hoping that she would find more of Thalion's memories. After almost half a minute, once she felt as though she had some idea of what she needed to do, she closed her eyes once again.
She breathed slowly in and out. As Zen teaching described it, she wanted to become the still pond that perfectly reflected both the sky and moon. As Thalion's memories described it, she wanted to be the still mind that existed in this moment, aware of its surroundings, of both the past and the future, but which was focused in the now. Slowly her mind cleared, she let go of her concern of failing again, she let go as best as she was able her constant awareness of the Reapers and their plans. Fear, anger, concern...those were all distractions that rippled the still pond. Slowly she cleared her mind, distractions fading away. She breathed in and out, mind still, body still, yet both poised and completely aware. Her thoughts touched briefly on the awareness in her dreams, the silence and stillness, the consciousness of being one with the universe and yet uniquely herself, both finite and infinite.
Amanda opened her eyes, looked down at the globe in her hands. A mass effect field formed around it lifting it up in the air. She breathed in, keeping her mind clear and focused on what she wanted to happen instead of the precise steps that needed to occur for it to happen. That could and would take care of itself if she trusted her body to understand what it needed to do. A wave of her hand formed a slightly different biotic effect as she sent the globe toward the wall again. She reached out after the globe, closed her hand as if capturing it, and then drew her hand back toward her. At the same time a matching mass effect field formed around the ball and propelled it back towards her before it could reach the wall. She raised her arm in front of her and formed a shield as the globe came back at her, closer...she smoothly shifted her weight forward and the biotic field around her arm pulsed, sending the globe back toward the wall once again. Again she reached out her hand after it, bringing the globe back to her again. This time instead of stopping it she stepped gracefully aside as it came towards her and let it pass by her, pivoting smoothly on one foot to follow its path. Immediately, she reached out after it and brought it back towards her before it hit the bookcase on that side of the room, then raised her arm and shielded as the globe came towards her. The globe stuck the shimmering mass effect field and then dropped to the floor, all of its momentum canceled out by the slight biotic push she had used as it impacted.
Shepard breathed out a deep breath and relaxed her concentration. She smiled; she had done it, she thought in a rush of satisfaction. She stared down at the globe, her expression turning thoughtful as she realized something interesting about the biotic effect she had just used to stop it. The biotic shield she had just learned to form was almost exactly the same as what she did coming out of a charge, only without the charge component and on a much smaller scale. Or at least the one's Thalion had his student's practicing were on a much smaller scale. It wasn't actually a new skill, but one she already knew used in a different manner.
That had been both easier and harder than she had imagined, and she knew it was one thing to manage it here and another thing to achieve that state of mind in the midst of weapons fire and explosions. She was impressed that Thalion had made it seem so effortless and been able to explain what he was doing as he did it as well. It had required her full concentration.
She turned and looked over at Samara, as she had expected the justicar was watching her. "Impressive," the asari commented as she rose to her feet, "I am not familiar enough with human biotics to judge your abilities relative to your own race, but most asari cannot form mass effect fields as quickly as you just demonstrated. Only those asari who have worked diligently to hone their biotics could match you." Samara walked over to her, "The state of mind required is difficult to master."
"Mushin," Shepard said, drawing a curious look from the asari. "It's a Chinese word for a Zen concept that translates as, mind of no mind. I learned about it when I first began learning martial arts at the New York Military Academy," she explained to the justicar.
Realization lit Samara's pale eyes, "It was not completely unfamiliar to you then."
Shepard nodded, "It just took me a moment to realize it was essentially the same concept as what Thalion was referring to as battle focus."
Samara regarded her with a thoughtful expression, "It is intriguing how although humans, asari and protheans are very different, yet there are also many similarities between us."
Her thoughts went first to Liara's rejection of her and the crushing of her dreams of their future life together. Then to Lindariel's many nights of lonely grief as she mourned the loss of her husband, Suiadan taking comfort in the loving arms of his wife after he had lost his student, and Eriathwen's desperate clinging to her husband in her relief and joy when she realized she had lived and not died. "Companionship... love... loss... the desire for a mate and children... those feelings and needs transcend the barriers between most sentient species," she responded to the asari quietly. This very subject had occupied her thoughts more than a few times since she had first found Suiadan's memories.
"Indeed," Samara replied after a moment's contemplation of the human, "The asari have long believed that to be true." The justicar was silent for a moment as she regarded the human standing across from her. "I am certain it will come as no surprise to you that your aura has shifted once again," the asari said next.
Shepard groaned in dismay thinking of all the hours of meditation she would be doing, and nodded in acknowledgment. It was nothing more than what she had expected coming into this night. "I guess that will happen every time?"
"I would be surprised if it does not, your meditations should help...however..." Samara's voice trailed off and the asari appeared to be troubled by something. Samara twisted around and turned her head to the side, giving Shepard a good view of the back of her head, and the cartilaginous ridges of blue skinned flesh which protected the almost purple hued skin of the sensory organs between them.
Amanda stared at her, caught between bewilderment and amusement at the asari's action and then her eyes widened as she realized what Samara might be doing and why. She was looking at the reason right now; asari's sensory organs for sound, and she was now thinking faint electrical fields, were located between the ridges of flesh along the entire back of their head. If she was right, then it explained two other instances that had seemed strange to her at the time, when she had first met Shi'ara, the Consort, and when she had first met Aria T'Loak. Both asari had been standing with their backs to her and had her pause a few feet from them for awhile before turning and approaching her. What if they had been taking the equivalent of a very long look at her bioelectrical field or aura before taking a visual look at her?
Shepard quirked an eyebrow at the asari, "However?" she questioned hoping to prompt some more information out of Samara. If her suspicions were correct, then it had something to do with her aura.
"It is as I thought," Samara said when she turned around a few seconds later. "I was not familiar enough with humans when we met to realize that your aura was unusual for a human of your age. If I had, I would have simply assumed that it was due to your experiences first as an Alliance officer and then as a Spectre." Samara pinned her with a keen look, "That was before we found Thalion's memories. Now, if you came up from behind me and was only paying cursory attention to your aura, I would assume you to be an asari on the cusp of her matron years. I would be very surprised to see that you were human, and very curious as to what your life experiences were that would cause your aura to rival that of an asari of the same relative age."
In other words an asari that was three hundred or so years old, Shepard translated the justicar's meaning. "Thalion was four hundred and thirty-seven years old in that memory," she searched through the Battlemaster's memories, Eriathwen was three hundred and fifty-six, Lindariel five hundred and fifteen years old, and Suiadan was around three hundred and thirty."
Samara gracefully inclined her head in acknowledgement. "That is a substantial amount of combined life experiences," the asari pointed out.
"I don't remember their entire lives," Shepard corrected, "just parts of it, but yes I guess it is, isn't it." She grimaced, "So you're saying that pretty much any asari I come across is going to be able to tell there is something strange about me."
Samara shook her head, "No, very few asari spend the time required to develop the sensitivity to more than sense auras at a basic level or have the experience required to interpret what they are sensing. Asari matriarchs would be among the most common, followed by some matrons who have a reason to develop the skill. It would be highly unlikely for a maiden to understand what they were sensing. However, most asari will sense that you are unusually experienced and will be curious as to why." Samara paused for a second and then with an indecipherable look commented, "You will be of interest to them."
Shepard frowned a little in confusion at the comment and then let it drop; she was more concerned about the asari who could figure out what they were sensing rather than the ones who were simply curious. She got from what Samara was saying that it was a difficult skill to learn, which explained why not every asari did that, and why the two who had were Shi'ara and Aria. The Consort made her living off reading people, and Aria depended on it to help maintain her control over Omega's cutthroat environment. She inquired, "Is there anything I can do to decrease that effect. Or hide it somehow?"
"If I am close to you, they may assume it is actually my aura they are sensing," Samara replied promptly. That sounded reasonable to Shepard, why think it was the short-lived human when there was a justicar nearby. "As for decreasing the effect," Samara continued, "your meditations will help, but as you find new memories I believe even that will only slow the inevitable." The asari frowned, "If you did not remember these memories as if they were your own then perhaps it would be different." Pale blue eyes focused upon her, "However that is not the case, and I suspect you are drawing on their memories to understand situations as you face them as well as your own experience." Samara looked inquiringly at Shepard who nodded. "Then, depending on how many more memories there are, eventually you will not be able to hide the effect from any asari," Samara confirmed.
Shepard stared at the justicar for a moment, hoping, though it was highly unlikely, that the asari would tell her that she had been joking. Samara didn't. Wonderful, that meant that she not only needed to worry about the influence the prothean memories had on her own thoughts and feelings and their making her less human and more prothean, but also that every older asari she met would be interested in why her aura indicated she had several centuries of life experiences instead of only a few decades. "Shiala estimated there might be as many as ten to fifteen," she informed Samara, knowing exactly what that meant as far as her aura was concerned. The asari's steady look in reply only confirmed it; Samara thought that would be more than enough to permanently affect her aura.
Shepard wanted to keep the knowledge of the existence of her prothean memories limited to as few a number as possible. It was bad enough that the Illusive Man knew about them. She definitely didn't want him to know anymore than he already did and she'd prefer that the Council and Alliance remain in the dark about them as well. They didn't believe that the Reapers were real, and she was afraid that if they knew about the Cipher unraveling they would promptly lock her up somewhere with a group of eager scientists to find out everything she knew. 'Goddess that sounded paranoid', Shepard thought, but with Eriathwen 's technical knowledge alone she had in her mind some very interesting information that several people would want to get their hands upon if they knew it existed.
All she had to remember was Anderson's briefing about finding the beacon on Eden Prime, and the Council's concern that the Terminus systems might be willing to risk war to claim it, to send a strong chill of warning down her spine. She had much more than a beacons worth of prothean knowledge within her mind. Granted, much of it wouldn't really be of more than an academic interest about how the Protheans had lived, but the mere fact that she possessed such knowledge and had the potential to find more would be enough to make her a person of interest to several different groups. The truly sad thing was the protheans hadn't really progressed that much further than the current knowledge level of the Citadel races from what Shepard could tell. It was just the belief that they had created the mass relays and Citadel that made everyone so eager to claim any scrap of prothean knowledge.
Normandy - Third Deck Portside Observation Room - night on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)
Although it had taken less than a minute to complete, the human had almost looked as if she were dancing as she went through Thalion's exercise, each motion... each step... elegant, precise, and graceful. A dancer, a singer, and performer, there had been hints that the human hadn't always wanted to be a marine, but Samara would have never guessed that Amanda wanted to be a dancer as a child. Now she knew why Shepard moved as gracefully as she did whether she was simply walking or rushing to another position during combat. Physical skills learned during the developmental years tended to stay with one for asari, and apparently with humans as well judging from how well Amanda retained the skills she had learned during childhood.
As for what she had learned of Amanda's past tonight... Samara bowed her head for a moment and then rose to her feet. She walked over to the window and gazed out at the stars just as Amanda had done so many times while speaking to her. Amanda's mother had died for her, and in return her child had devoted her life to atoning for her part in her mother's death. To be loved so well, Samara's gaze became unfocused as the thought crossed her mind. The stars little more than points of light as her mind focused inward rather than outward. Amanda's loss and her reaction to it was in some ways a mirror of her own life. Both of them in reaction to tragedy had taken up a difficult and demanding path to atone for their part in that tragedy. Both of them held fast to a strict code of behavior which in many ways defined them as people.
Instead of dying for her child however, she was sworn to kill the eldest of her daughters. It had been over four hundred years since she had last seen her other two children. They had been very young when she took the Oath of Solitude which barred her from seeing or speaking to her family. Now they were almost half way through their lifespan, if they had been born without the genetic disease which had doomed all of them they would be matrons now and likely with families of their own. That future however, had been denied both them and her. She allowed herself only a moment to mourn that fact, and then discipline reasserted itself. There was no use in railing against the fate that had befallen them; it would not change a single thing about her or her daughter's lives. She was sworn to the Justicar Code now; she had given up her family, all her possessions, and the woman she had been to become one, to gain the strength and resolve she needed to keep her oath to stop her murderous eldest daughter.
The justicar lifted her head and stared out the window at the closest CDEM battlestation. Amanda had sought out her out to discuss her decision to leave the Alliance, when she had joined the Spectre and told her that she would give her opinion when necessary she hadn't envisioned that she would become one of Shepard's primary advisers. She had begun to sense that might be part of the role she needed to play after their visit to the temple and the revelations about the Reapers there, but not to this extent. She was rapidly becoming enmeshed in the human's personal life to an extent which she had not allowed herself with anyone since becoming a Justicar...and she was allowing it.
Perhaps it was feeling the depths of the human's despair over the ending of her relationship with the young asari maiden when Shepard had shared memories with her the first day they had met. Perhaps it was the fact that from the very beginning, instead of either fearing her or seeing her as a hero, the Spectre had treated her as the human treated everyone else. Perhaps it was the fact that even though the asari hadn't known the human for long, everything she knew about Amanda indicated that the human was honorable, just, fair and when possible kind. Amanda had called what was between them the beginnings of a friendship and she hadn't objected. The human Spectre was a very honorable and moral person; perhaps a friendship between them was possible.
Normandy - Captain's Quarters - late night on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)
The Thorian seemed to have retained a large number of Thalion's memories and Shepard suspected that she had just begun to delve into them. She had come upon memories of biotic feats which she had seen other more experienced biotics perform, but which she had never learned herself. One was a chained effect of a mass lightening lift field which was then rapidly inverted to a mass increasing field, the target rose into the air only to be slammed back down as their mass abruptly increased. She had witnessed Miranda performing this biotic skill to great effect the day they had fought against the Eclipse mercenaries to save her sister. The second biotic effect she had seen Liara use in the past and more recently Miranda, it involved fluctuating micro mass effect fields that worked on a principle similar to disruptor torpedoes, the rapid mass changes literally ripping the target apart. The third biotic skill was one she had only witnessed Liara use, the creation of a dark energy sphere which literally warped the space-time continuum and created an intense gravity well that drew all nearby objects to it. It was a powerful ability when used correctly, but which required careful placement and was very draining to the biotic due to the intensity of the mass effect field that had to be created to form the singularity.
Just as interesting as those memories, were Thalion's memories of a prothean sword, the anar hathol, or sun sword. He and Branwen hadn't been practicing staff sparring, but sparring with a staff in the place of the sun sword both because Branwen wasn't allowed one and because the sun swords were simply too dangerous for anyone but two masters to practice with the actual weapon. By Empire law and tradition, possessing and wielding an anar hathol was permitted only to Dragaran and Dragahîr in good standing with the Order of Varnor.
The original anar hathol wielded by the twin Prothean deities Thalion and Callionel, were gifts from their mother, Beriana, who with the god Barthon, created the universe. Myth had it that the goddess Beriana had reached into the sun itself and drawn forth the shining blades from its center to give to her children. Historic anar hathol were specially shaped swords made of metal. The anar hathol of Thalion's time though, used magnetic fields to shape and contain superheated plasma, forming it into a blade and making them closer in nature to the mythological swords after which they were named.
Amanda wanted one, from Thalion's memories two strikes with a sun sword would drain most barriers and cut through all but the heaviest of armors. From his memories she knew how to use one and how to maintain it, but Thalion hadn't been an engineer, he didn't know exactly how the weapon was made. Given time and combining Thalion's memories with Eriathwen's, Amanda might be able to design one but it would certainly be easier if she could find one that had remained hidden until this time. Amanda chuckled at the idea; all the remaining Prothean ruins had been thoroughly picked over by looters for millennium. She knew that sitting in a lab for a few weeks and trying to build it herself was much likelier to produce results than searching for one. After the Collectors then, if there was an after, there was no way she was going to work on such a thing on the Normandy with the Illusive Man keeping tabs on everything.
In the darkness of the room, Amanda sighed and shut her eyes. Even with all of Thalion's knowledge there was one overriding fact that she couldn't forget. With their advanced knowledge of biotics and technology, the Protheans still hadn't been able to stop the Reapers from destroying them. Whatever knowledge she found within the Cipher, while useful, would not be enough to defeat them.
Continued...