~ Bumbled Burglary ~
by Larisa

Disclaimer: Yada yada yada, they're all mine! Well, some of them may resemble one WP and three amazons but the other's are all mine!!

Sex, bad language and all of the other stuff: Yeah there is and if you're not old enough… like me telling you to go away is gonna do anything. And if you don't like my Wrecking Crew, my warped sense of humor or anything else that I write about, go to Hell!

Hecate3366@frontiernet.net

Bumbled Burglary
By Larisa
Hecate3366@frontiernet.net

Sun beat down through the windshield, shinned off the dashboard and blinded Remi. She used one hand to block what the visor couldn't and swore under her breath when the semi in front of her moved and even more sunlight came in. Brushing her long dark hair off her sweaty neck, she then turned up the AC. Waving a hand in front of the vent, she slapped her palm against it and yelled. "FUCKING WORK ALREADY!" Giving up on the useless AC, she rolled down all the windows and stuck her head out searching for a tiny breeze. She was on her lunch hour and only had a half hour to get to the bank and back before the afternoon rush at the store. "I should just get direct deposit and not have to worry about this shit!" She laid on the horn and flipped off the driver in front of her. "IT'S FUCKING GREEN MOVE YOUR ASS!" Giving up on the truck driver, she cut off the man in the other lane, shot past and ran the red light.

*******************

Green eyes twinkled and took in the bright smile before her; Jostyn O'Flannery grabbed the large shopping bag from under her desk at the Daily Spirit and shook her head. "Go to Hell Jen, I'm not going out on one of your blind date hook-ups." She rolled her head on her shoulders and ran one hand through her short blondish hair. "Who in there right mind would want anything to do with me anyway," She ran a hand across her swollen stomach and gave Jen a small grin. "Except maybe someone who's a fan of Shamoo the whale."

Jen pulled her into a small hug and kissed her temple. "There are certain things that pregnant women give off that drives other's nuts look at all the men out there that get turned on by preggies." She stepped back and brushed her long curly blonde hair over her shoulders. "Ya know Petry drools every time she sees you."

Jostyn chuckled and slapped Jen in her stomach. "Your wife drools because I've gone up four cup sizes since I got pregnant and the next time she tries to measure my tits by seeing if they over flow her hands, I'll smack her up long side her head with one of them."

"Believe me, that would make her day and she'd run back to the lumberyard to show off the bruises." She turned her and pointed her towards the door of the newspaper. "Now go get your check cashed, go home and put your feet up for the rest of the night. I can handle anything that comes in, not like a whole bunch of people are gonna die in the next few hours."

"That would make my day; I'd have something to do then. One thing though when I deliver this little bundle of perpetual morning sickness, I want out of the obituary business!"

"While you're taking it easy tonight me and Petry are gonna find you a good woman to take care of you!"

She waved over her shoulder and went out the door, the bank was only a block away and the walk would help with her swollen ankles. Her doctor told her to put her feet up when they swelled, as if she could just throw them up on her desk. She found that if she walked around a little that they felt better and the swelling went down. The only problem that really bothered her was her fingers swelling like sausages, it was hard as Hell to type and not hit two keys with one swollen digit. "Two more weeks and I'll be up to my ears in baby bottles and dirty diapers." A small grin came to her face with the thought of her baby and what it would be like to have a small thing depending on her for everything.

****************

"Where's my mask?" A dark clothed figure asked from the back of the messy van parked along side the First Union Bank of Martinsburg.

"How am I supposed to know, I didn't have it!" The other person ducked in the front seat when all kinds of stuff flew from the back and landed all around her. Grabbing a pair of Tweedy bird boxers, she held them up and yelled. "Why are my boxers in here?" Dark brown eyes pinned the other where she stood bent over amongst a huge pile of clothes. "Tell me you didn't wear my boxers."

"I didn't…well not really…I had them on but they clashed with my wonder woman sports bra." Jumping up and down as far as she could in the cramped space, she then kicked stuff around. "Where's my mask, how am I supposed to disguise myself with out it?"

"Pea brain what's on top of your head?"

Long fingers reached up slowly to find the missing ski mask. "Ohh now I know I didn't put it there, you had to sneak it on my head when I wasn't looking!"

"Come on you idiot, the guards lunch time is almost over. There's no way I'm going in the bank with a gun toting Barney Fife right at the door." She opened the vans door and then went around sliding the other door open to let her cohort out.

Greenish gold eyes squinted in the bright light; Peanut searched her pockets and found the weapon she had hidden. "Uuhhmm Laalaa, what's our fake names gonna be?"

Dark brown eyes rolled to show just whites and then even white teeth showed with a snarl. "What difference would it make, you wouldn't remember two seconds after I told you. Now come on and let's get this over with before I change my mind, have you locked up in the mental ward and collect my fifty bucks!"

"We could turn each other in and both collect fifty bucks, we'd be rich!"

**************

Remi wiped the sweat from her face and sighed with relief when she walked into the air-conditioned bank, pulling the front of her shirt away from her body, she lifted the hem to let the cold air caress her heated skin. Looking to where two tellers were standing behind the counter, she walked to the furthest one. It would take longer to get there and mean that she was in the cold bank that much longer. She pulled her check from her back pocket and waved it in the air to try to dry it, it looked similar to having just come out of the washing machine and she hoped that the ink hadn't smudged. She gave the teller a small grin when she took the check between two fingertips and grimaced. "It's hot as Hell out there, I think my underwear melted, that is if I had any on to begin with." She leaned against the counter, tried to look down the young teller's blouse, and jumped back when a hand with a very large diamond ring accompanied by a gold wedding band flew up in front of her eyes. "OK, I get your point you don't have to choke me with the rock." Looking around the bank, she jumped again when something ran into her legs and then pulled on the hem of her shirt. A garbled voice came to her ears from the area of her feet; she looked down and felt her heart slam in her chest.

"Hey lady…got any candy?" A little boy asked and then wiped his chocolate covered hand on her tan pant leg. She shook her leg and tried to get away from the little monster. "Well do ya…mom says I can't have no more because I get hyper I'm not hyper am I?" He jumped up and down on her toes and grabbed at her shirt smearing more chocolate on her. "I want candy…I want candy!"

"Get off me before I strangle you with your shoe laces!" She shook her leg, slapped at his filthy hands, and was in panic mode. Sweat broke out on her brow, her face turned ashen and she could feel her pulse racing.

"I don't have shoe laces I have Velcro mom says it's easier that way and she doesn't have to wrestle with me to get them tied and I can't tie them in knots and waste her time. I want candy I want candy!" He continued to scream at the tops of his lungs and waved his hands in the air. Kids scared the Hell out of her and sent her into seizures; she broke free of his grappling hands, jumped up onto the counter and pulled her legs up out of his reach.

"Go away you have kid germs and I don't want any!" She jerked and let out a loud yell when he jumped up and tried to grab her foot. Her breathing became rapid to near hyperventilating, her sight was starting to narrow and then it started to ease when he ran off in another direction.

Jostyn looked over when she heard the yell from where she stood at the other teller, she narrowed her eyes when the tall dark woman smacked at the little boys hands and tried to shake him off her leg. "That woman needs slapped, treating her child like that." The teller leaned over the counter and shook her head.

"If I was her, I'd knock the little bastard out, that's the bank managers brat and all he does all day is scream and run through here like a lunatic. My kids would never have dreamed of acting like that when they were little and now with them both in their late 30's all I have to still do is raise a finger and they tremble with fear." She gave Jostyn a smile and nodded towards her swollen belly. "You'll find out soon enough, when are you due?"

Jostyn ran a hand across her belly and sighed. "Two more weeks, I will never get pregnant again so that I'm carrying in the middle of summer. I can't wait, I'll be able to get around better and not feel like a whale."

"I know how you feel, I carried my oldest during the summer months and I was never so glad when she decided it was time to get out and cause her father some pain." She handed Jostyn the envelope with her money in it and groaned when the little boy came running over to her.

"I want candy I want candy!" He yelled even louder when she threw a dog bone at him and growled. "I'm telling my ma on you, you're mean grandma!"

Jostyn looked at the snarling teller with a raised eyebrow. "He's your grandson?"

"Unfortunately, I'm going in the back right now and smack the shit out of his mother. Damn laws won't let me smack him but there's nothing they can do about me smacking her."

*******************

Peanut and Laalaa walked into the bank with their ski masks over their faces, Laalaa stood guard at the door while Peanut ran towards the teller counter. Pulling the large pillowcase from her pocket, she jumped, missed and fell over the rope that closed off certain areas of the counter. Getting to her feet, she crawled up over the counter and fell on her head. Laalaa covered her face with one hand and swore to herself that if they made it out of the bank alive; she was going to kill her friend. "OK PEOPLES…THIS IS A STICK UP!" She waved the pillowcase at the older teller and threw it at her. "Fill it up and then hand it to the other teller and make it quick!" She pointed to Jostyn and then to Remi. "You two over there where I can watch you and no funny stuff or my partner will shoot you!"

"Just a God damn minute here…!" Remi yelled and then shut up when Laalaa tapped the bulge in her jacket pocket. "Over there right?" She pointed, crawled down off the counter and moved slowly towards Jostyn while keeping an eye on the bank robber. Jostyn placed a protective hand over her stomach and backed towards the wall, she wasn't about to cause any problems and risk her unborn babies life. She looked up at Peanut and then over to the door where Laalaa was blocking it, she hoped that someone outside saw what was happening and called the police. "I can't believe this shit, just my luck to end up in the middle of a bank robbery." She sank to the floor beside Jostyn and then saw the little monster running towards Laalaa. "Ohh is that one in trouble that kids a monster, maybe she'll shoot him?"

"What is your problem, he's just a little boy and no one deserves to be shot." Angry green eyes drilled down into pale blue, Jostyn felt her heart stop and then pound erratically against her chest. The only thing that came to her mind was cornflower blue, she had never seen eyes that blue before and forgot all about the bank robbers.

"Come on hurry it up!" Laalaa yelled from the door and panicked when she saw the old guard standing on the other side of the street. "Let's go the guards coming!"

"And so are the police," the older teller said under her breath and leaned against the wall with a smug smile on her face. "Dumbass hit the counter button all on her own." She winked at Remi and Jostyn and then nodded her head towards the camera over their heads.

"Get off me kid or I'll throw you out the door!" Laalaa shook her leg and tried to pry dirty hands from the bottom of her jacket. "Come on we have to go NOW!" She waved a hand at Peanut and groaned when she fell over the counter with a thump. "Get your ass up," She ran over to Jostyn and Remi. "You're coming with us, when we're clear we'll let you go."

"The Hell I am! I'm pregnant and due any minute now!" Jostyn pointed to her belly and pleaded with her eyes. "Please, just leave and I won't tell the police anything."

"Not a chance, we need hostages and you two are it." She grabbed the bulge in her pocket, took Jostyn's arm and moved her towards the door while Peanut stuck an object in Remi's back. Laalaa shoved the door open, smacked the guard with it and steered a waddling Jostyn around the corner to their van.

"You two get in and don't even think about screaming or we'll shut you up." She growled and waited for Peanut to get in the back of the van before running around to climb in the drivers seat. With a quick glance over her shoulder, she saw that they were all sitting down. She pulled away from the curb and shot across the street to take side roads to avoid the police cars that she heard in the distance. Remi reached under her hip and pulled out an old worn work boot, she tossed it to the side and leaned back on her elbows.

"Ok, so when are you two gonna let us go?"

Peanut scrubbed her face through the mask and groaned. "As soon as Laalaa says so, God damn mask itches like Hell." She pulled it off and tossed it on the floor; she cringed when she heard her friend scream from the front and covered her ears. "Like they're gonna remember what I look like after we let them go."

"You stupid shit!" Laalaa yelled. "We can't let them go now, they can identify you!"

"How can they do that, I look just like everyone else."

Jostyn tapped the spot above her breast pocket and grinned. "Maybe we won't remember every detail of your face but your name is something I won't forget. Peanut Meyers who works for Carnegie Electrical, pretty unforgettable if you ask me." Remi gave the small blonde a wide grin and then turned to a confused Peanut.

"I'd say she has ya there hot shot, you guys are new at this bank robbing thing aren't you?"

Peanut shook her head and stuttered. "Ahhh…nope…robbed…lots of places, ain't that right Laalaa?"

Jostyn shook her head and pulled a notepad from her shopping bag. "So we have Peanut Meyers, Caucasian female, mid thirties, brunette, what would you say about five foot nine?" She watched Peanut nod her head and grin. "And Laalaa…"

"Davies, that's with an i.e.s at the end. Black female, same height and age." Peanut leaned forward to make sure that she was spelling it right. "We work at the same place, you want the address?" Remi rolled her eyes and fell back on the clothes that seemed to be everywhere.

"How about your Social security number, phone number and address to go with it?" She looked to the front of the van and yelled. "Hey Laalaa, how about pulling over and letting us out, you can take off and be a long ways from us before we get back to town?"

"NOPE! You're staying with us until we're far enough away." She mumbled under her breath. "May throw Peanut out on her head and then leave the country for the rest of my unnatural life."

***************

Twenty minutes later, she pulled the van up a long driveway and into the garage of a ranch style house. "OK, no fast moves or you'll be sorry." She crawled over the counsel and picked up a long chain with two shackles attached to it. "Put the shackles on, Peanut you get the basement door opened and I'll bring them down."

Jostyn pointed a finger at her and shook her head. "I am not putting any shackle on or going in your basement, let me go and I swear I won't say a word about this. If you keep us, it's kidnapping on top of a bank robbery charge. Cut your prison time short and let us go."

"What are you a cop or something?" Remi asked and then looked at Laalaa with the shackle dangling in her hand. "You could be in serious trouble here ya know, lawyers are infamous for racking up all kinds of false charges, especially when you assault a police officer. So what do ya say about letting us go?"

********************

Remi rubbed the swollen area above her eyebrow and growled at Jostyn when she pulled on the chain that connected their ankles. "Will you stop already; you're driving me nuts with the pacing!"

"Ohh shut the Hell up; this is all your fault. If you hadn't tried to be a hero and tried to wrap the chain around Laalaa's neck, I could have talked us out of being held hostage!" She stopped in front of her and tried to look over her stomach and down into pain-filled blue eyes. "You're lucky she only hit you with a boot and not something heavier like the gun in her pocket."

"She didn't have a gun that was one of those wire striping things in her pocket." She sat up on the floor and looked around them; the basement was finished and had everything that any economy apartment would contain. With the exception of two women chained together at the ankle. She then followed the chain to see it padlocked to a large ring at the top of a concrete block. "Nice place they have here, it's better than my apartment and it has air-conditioning." She got to her feet and wobbled a little. "How long was I out," She rubbed her sore eye and forehead. "And what the Hell kinda boot was that?"

"About 30 minutes and it was steel toed," Jostyn walked over to the bathroom and yanked on the chain. "Will you move your ass so I can reach the bathroom?"

"Are all pregnant women as nasty tempered as you?"

"Only when we have to piss every five minutes, are starving to death, chained like a prisoner and held captive in someone's basement." She closed the door on the chain and then realized that she couldn't reach the toilet, she opened it up and gave Remi a glare. "Get in here; I can't reach the toilet with you out there."

"Ohh this is just great, I feel like I'm on a chain gang." She walked into the bathroom and turned her back to Jostyn. "Here I am chained to cop and I don't even know what your name is."

"Jostyn O'Flannery and I'm not a cop, I work for the Daily Spirit. She dropped down onto the toilet and sighed with relief. "So who are you, I'd like to know who I'm chained to and have to share every personal moment with while we're here?"

"Remi Winchester and for your information, I'm not enjoying this either."

*************

Laalaa dumped the pillowcase out on the kitchen table and roared; she grabbed a bundle of papers and smacked Peanut over the head with them. "What the Hell is this, you were supposed to make sure they filled it with money!" Peanut picked up the deposit slips and shrugged her shoulders.

"I saw the old teller put the money in there before she handed it over…"

"And then you stood there and looked at the other ones tits and she switched it for blank deposit and withdrawal slips!" She smacked her again and fell into a kitchen chair. "No money and two hostages chained in the basement, now what the Hell are we supposed to do?"

"We could hold them for ransom; I bet we could get a good price for the mama to be."

Laalaa sat up in her chair and grinned at Peanut. "For once I think your brain is working, now all we have to do is find out who to send the ransom notes to." She grabbed one of the blank forms, a pen and unlocked the basement door. "You start supper and I'll get the information we need." She went down the steps slowly and peeked under the railing, when she saw that they were sitting on the couch watching TV, she went the rest of the way down but stood at a safe distance. "We decided that we're gonna hold you two for ransom, who do we send the notes to?"

Remi rolled her eyes and then looked to Jostyn. "Looks like they'll only be getting money for you, there's no one who would pay a red cent to see me returned." She shrugged her shoulders when green eyes latched onto her. "I'm an orphan and I've got a whole $120.00 bucks to my name."

"OK Blondie, how about you?" Laalaa asked and waved her pen in the air. "Who do we contact so we can get some money?"

"How about the police, I think they would be more then happy to come get me?" She gave her a smug look, got up from the couch and glared down at Remi.

"What…not again?" She got up and followed her into the bathroom.

"Hey wait a minute here!" Laalaa yelled.

"You'll have to wait until she's done and after I beat the shit out of you for chaining me to a pregnant woman!"

"What has that got to do with you going in the bathroom with her?"

Remi sighed, closed her eyes and yelled from behind the closed door. "The damn chains not long enough you dumbass, if you haven't noticed, there's only like three feet between us! Take the damn thing off and let us go!"

"Sorry no can do now I need a contact for mama to be."

Jostyn sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, she had no idea who they could contact and then it came to her. She could give them Jen and Petry's phone number; they would raise the ransom money to get her back. After washing her hands, she dragged Remi out of the bathroom and stood there with her hands planted on her hips. "Call this number and talk to Jenny, she'll raise what ever amount of money you want to get me back." She gave her the phone number and dropped down onto the couch beside Remi. "Are you going to feed us or watch us starve to death?"

"Peanut's up stairs making supper, she'll bring it down when it's finished. There's Coke and juice in the refrigerator and I think there's some milk in there. Ohh and I need your wallets for proof that we have you." After getting their wallets, she looked at their driver's license and laughed. "Remington Winchester, I thought my parents' naming me Laverne was bad." She went back up the stairs and over to where Peanut was making spaghetti. "We got one orphan but the little one gave me a phone number, when you go down there with the food, stay near the stairs and use the TV tray thingy on wheels. Slide it across the floor to them," She tapped her on the forehead to make sure she was listening. "Don't let them get near you, ya got it?"

"Yep, use the TV tray thingy. How much money we gonna ask for?" She brushed her long dark hair off her shoulders and scratched the irritated skin on her cheeks. "After all we went through and the rash I got from that mask, I wanna lot of money. Ya think a couple hundred is too much?"

***************

The police officers looked to the bank manager and rolled their eyes, they had spent over two hours with the woman and were ready to pull their weapons and shoot her screaming kid. He kept screaming that he wanted candy and climbing all over the desk between them. Every time one of them tried to ask her a question, the brat screamed louder. "OK, since we're not getting anywhere, we're going to take the security tape and just go with the statement from your teller's and the security guard. If you have any questions call the police station and tell the desk sergeant who you are and that it concerns the bank robbery." The senior officer yelled over the screaming and then got up from the chair in front of the desk; he left the office and rubbed his aching ears. "God damn screaming is enough to make me run over to the hospital and have a vasectomy." He walked over to the older teller and handed her one of his cards. "The hostages that were taken, you said that one of them was pregnant?"

"She's due in about two weeks but with this stress it may be sooner. I hope they let them go and she's all right."

********************

Remi and Jostyn sat on the couch with their plates of spaghetti; Remi chuckled when she saw that Jostyn had the plate balancing on her belly. What she wondered was why she hadn't given a husband or boyfriends name a s a ransom contact. "So, isn't your husband going to be worried about you?"

"Don't have one," She answered and took a bite out of her garlic bread. "What about you?" She asked with a full mouth.

"Nope, I live alone and my dating life is limited. Limited to the point of not a date in about six years, what about your boyfriend won't he miss you?"

"Don't have one." Jostyn grinned up at her knowing that she was going to get to the main question that everyone asked when he or she found out that she had neither a husband nor boyfriend.

"OK, then that leaves the baby's father, what about him?"

"Don't know him, I had a sperm donor. You know the artificial insemination procedure?" She put her spotless plate on the coffee table and looked to Remi's. "You want that?"

"Nope, help yourself." She sat and watched Jostyn finish what she had left on her plate and then polish off her glass of milk. "You're going to raise the baby alone?"

"Yep, a lot of women do it these days. I saw you with that little boy today; you don't like kids do you?"

"No I don't, I have no idea what to do with them and when they act like that kid I go nuts." She looked down at her hands and played with her thumbs. "I get panic attacks when they get around me; I've even passed out a time or two…three…four."

"I get the point," She gave her a grin. "So you can't go to parks, stores, restaurants or anyplace that there might be a kid?"

"I go to those places; I just stay clear of the kids." She got up from the couch and held out a hand to Jostyn. "This is a real bitch, what are we gonna do about showers if they keep us down here for a few days?" They headed to the bathroom and Remi spun her finger in the air for Jostyn to give her some privacy.

"Here's another problem, there's only one bed and it's a twin at that."

*************

Laalaa dialed the phone number that Jostyn had given here and waited for it to be picked up, when she heard the voice on the other end, she placed a dishtowel over the receiver and spoke in a deep voice. "I have Jostyn O'Flannery and unless you bring us a thousand dollars you'll never see her again."

Jen looked at the phone and then waved a hand at her wife to join her, hitting the speakerphone on, she spoke. "Who is this?"

"Doesn't matter just get us the money, meet us at McDonalds on Winchester Ave at six am and if we see any cops ya can kiss her goodbye."

"Is this some kind of joke, how do I know that you have her?"

"She's pregnant, nasty tempered and I took her hostage after we robbed the bank." She hung up the phone and gave Peanut a thumb up. "We're all set, you go get the money tomorrow morning and I'll stay here to make sure they don't escape."

She scratched her head and looked to Laalaa with raised eyebrows. "One problem, how do I know who to look for?"

"SHIT!" Laalaa redialed the phone and waited for it to be picked up again. "Peanut will be standing near the dumpster at the back of the building." She hung up the phone and smacked herself in the head. "I just gave her your name!"

"Uhhmm Laalaa, the two in the basement know our names so what difference does it make?"

Laalaa clamped her hands over her eyes and groaned she knew they were screwed the second they came up with the idea to rob the bank. What she couldn't figure out is why they had come up with the idea in the first place, one thing she did know was if they were caught, she was pleading temporary insanity.

**********

Jen looked to her wife and dropped down onto the couch, she ran a hand across her face to stop over her mouth. "Tell me that was a joke and Jos is playing a nasty evil I will kick her ass joke on us?" Petry came around the couch and dropped down beside her; she took her wife's hand in hers and shrugged her shoulders.

"Call her house and see if she's there, if not, then call her moms and see if she's heard from her." Her golden eyes blinked a few times and then she jumped up to turn the TV to the local station. "If the bank was robbed it should be on the news and they'll say if anyone was taking hostage." When the newscaster came on and started to talk about the weather, they both sighed. "Baby, call work, someone would know if the bank was robbed." Jen smacked her self in the forehead and then grabbed for the phone.

"I'm such a genius sometimes, what would I do without you?" She held out her hand and when Petry dropped down onto the couch, she ran her fingers through her long hair.

"Don't wanna find out," She lie down on the couch and put her head in her wife's lap. "I get lost when ya go to the bathroom."

************

After flipping around on the small bed, they finally found comfortable positions; Remi looked over at Jostyn and grinned. She had been near pregnant women before but never this close. The small woman looked so uncomfortable with her huge belly and swollen ankles, she was thankful that the shackle was large enough that it came nowhere near her skin. "Ya know this is really a ridicules situation, we know our kidnappers names, we know how we got here and I have their license plate number off their van. Do they really think that they can get away with this?"

"They could knock us off and no one would ever find out," She turned to look into clear blue eyes and grinned. "They're too stupid to do that, besides, Jen has caller ID on her phone and she'll come to our rescue." She chuckled and turned her head back to close her eyes and take a deep breath. "When I get out of here, I'll have one Hell of a story to write."

"Aren't you even the little bit scared about all that's happened?"

"Nope, those two are harmless; they haven't a mean bone in their bodies. No brains but that's about it?"

"OK, just wondering and you're right about them. But I'll have to find another job, I know that my boss isn't gonna believe that I was kidnapped. He fired me the second I didn't show up after my lunch break."

"Where do you work?"

"At that little coffee house on Queen Street, I make all the pastries and grind all the specialty coffees. A real grown up job huh?"

"Could be worse, you could work at McDonalds or Burger King as the birthday planner." She laughed at the groaning coming from Remi and reached over to pat her arm. "Night Remington and if I snore, don't tell me, it'll blow the perfect picture I have of myself in my head."

************
The next morning, Jen stood by the dumpster behind McDonald's waiting for one of the kidnappers to show. She looked down at her watch and saw that it was past the meeting time, she was about to give up when a body came running around the building and slammed into her. She grabbed onto the dumpster to keep her balance and then helped up the woman at her feet. "What's the big rush?" Peanut brushed off her pants and looked into hazel eyes; she looked around them and moved in front of the dumpster.

"You know Jostyn?"

"Yeah, are you the one I'm supposed to meet about…you know?"

"Yep, that would be me, ya got the…uuggg!" She struggled against the dumpster and gave up when she saw the evil look on the other women's face.

"Might as well stop struggling my wife has a Hell of a grip and she won't let go until I tell her to." She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her head back to look down her nose. "Where's Jostyn and why did you take her to begin with?" She raised an eyebrow at Petry and wiggled a finger at her. "Ease up baby, she's turning purple."

"She's at my house…Laalaa's with them…ya gonna kill me?"

"Nah, we don't kill people but I may let Petry kick the shit out of you." She walked forward, slapped a handcuff on her, and then put the other one on her own wrist. "Now you're gonna give us your address and we're going to go get Jostyn and the other woman."

"But Laalaa's gonna be really mad, she's gonna kick my ass." She moaned and then jumped when Petry crawled out of the dumpster. "Ohhh boy…if it's between letting you beat me up or my housemate, I'll let Laalaa do it." She reached out with a finger and jabbed Petry's bulging biceps. "You could really hurt me bad." She shivered and then stumbled after Jen.

*****************

Remi curled up on the couch with her head resting in Jostyn's lap, after being dragged to the bathroom during the night for what seemed to her every five seconds, she fell asleep right after they ate breakfast. Jostyn turned the volume on the TV down and then took in her tall companion's appearance, she ran gentle fingers through the hair at her temple and smiled when a soft snore came from her. Her eyes traveled from perfectly arched dark brows down her aquiline nose to soft moist lips. Trailing warm fingertips across her high cheekbone, she let them trail all the way down her neck to tangle in silky hair. During the night, Remi and shed her work shirt and now wore only a blue tank top t-shirt. Jostyn ran her fingertips across the detailed tattoo of a strange war mask that covered her upper right shoulder and stopped at her elbow. Tracing one of the long colorful feathers, she finally figured out where she had seen such a mask. It was on the Discovery channel and they were talking about the Amazon women from ancient times. In the intricate details at the bottom, she saw a small golden lambda. If the suspicions about the Amazon's didn't clue her in, the lambda did. A small smile came to her face with the knowledge; she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

************

Petry stood by the back door to Peanut and Laalaa's kitchen; she squinted through the screen and opened the door slowly when she saw no one. Moving quietly through the kitchen, she stopped at what appeared to be the living room. She heard the drone of the TV and then a horrible snorting and growling noise. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and shivers ran down her spine. She had never thought of a dog, she prepared herself to either be mauled or run like hell. Then it all changed when the snorting turned into a raspy voice. "Banana split with extra whipped cream." A grin came to her face; she walked over to the back of the couch, leaned over and tapped a sleeping Laalaa on her forehead.

"Excuse me!" She shook her shoulder and watched brown eyes pop open and try to focus. "I believe you have someone locked up and I'm here to get her." She grabbed Laalaa's arm and kept her from jumping up off the couch. "Hold on there, Jen has your cohort out in the car any funny business and I'll let her smack her around, ya got me?"

"Uhh huuhh…they're down in the basement…we didn't hurt them." She moved slowly to a sitting position and then stood when Petry pulled on her arm. "You're not gonna call the police are you?"

Petry gave out a deep laugh that had Laalaa shivering; she leaned in close and narrowed her golden eyes to mere slits. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't, you robbed a bank and kidnapped two women one of which is pregnant."

"We fed her and her and the tall one Remi, seem to get along OK…" She never finished because Petry dragged her towards the kitchen where she had seen a door with a slide lock on it.

"You had better hope that she's OK or I'll just bury your body in the back yard and forget all about calling the police. Now open the door real slow and no funny stuff or you'll take a header down the steps." Laalaa did as she was told and then went down the steps as quietly as she could; she stopped midway and pointed to the couch. "Ohh Hell." Petry whispered and pulled Laalaa back up stairs.

***************

Jen looked over to Peanut and rolled her eyes, she couldn't believe that the woman was completely enthralled with a rubber band. She had it around her index fingers and was moving them in sync with each other, doing all of this without blinking a single time. "Give me the reason why you guys took Jos and the other woman?"

"Doesn't everybody take a hostage at a bank hold up?" She looked up and cringed when she tried to blink. "They were the only ones in the bank, so we took 'em." She gave her a toothy grin and went back to playing with the rubber band. "Match made in heaven, tiny little blonde and a tall dark Amazon."

Jen gave her a funny look and then saw her wife coming over to the car with Laalaa in handcuffs. She got out of the car and looked at her with a confused expression. "What's wrong; tell me that Jos is here."

"Ohh she's here and you'll have to see this to believe it." She pulled a chain out of the car, attached it to Laalaa's handcuffs and locked her to the front bumper; she did the same to Peanut and took Jen into their house. "Ya know I had this image of them being in a dark and creepy basement, tied to a wall and rats running all around them."

Jen grabbed her hand and pulled her to a halt. "You mean it's worse than that?"

"You'll just have to see it to believe it; maybe we can get them to kidnap us next." She led her to the basement door and placed a finger over her lips before she walked quietly down the steps. She stopped part way down and pointed to where the women were asleep on the couch. Jen took in the finished basement apartment with its carpeted floors, kitchenette with tiled floor, twin bed with nightstand and lamp and then back over to where the living room was. The large over stuffed flowered couch, glass topped coffee table and large TV sat at an angle to where they were hiding on the stairs. They moved over to where they were looking down at the two women, grins came to their faces and they looked to each other and nodded. They saw the way Jos had a protective arm over the dark woman's shoulder and how she had her arm wrapped possessively around Jos's thigh. Going back up the stairs, they dropped down at the kitchen table and sighed. "Ok Jen, what do we do?"

Jen ran her hands through her hair and looked over to her wife. "I have no idea, I know they were kidnapped but I don't see where they're being mistreated. It looks like they're comfortable with each other and this may be a good thing if you catch my meaning."

Petry grinned and leaned back in the chair. "You mean instead of us setting her up on blind dates and all, we leave her here chained to that other woman?" She ran a hand across her chin and winked at Jen. "So ya seen the Amazon mask tattoo huh…it couldn't be this easy…could it?"

***************

Laalaa rubbed her eyes and looked to the other two women that were sitting in her living room; she couldn't believe what they had just asked her and Peanut to do. "You want us to keep them down there together…why…we thought you wanted Jos back?"

"Ohh let's just say this is a match making thing, Jos hates when we set her up on blind dates and this way, she has no choice but to spend time with Remi." Jen gripped her wife's hand and continued. "The only problem is she's due to have her baby in two weeks, if she goes into labor you have to get her to the hospital, understand?"

"Twooo weeks!" Peanut choked on her tea and wiped at her chin. "She's due in two weeks and that means she could go into labor at any time between now and then."

Laalaa gave her a horrified look and shook her head. "Ohhh nononono, we can't do this. What if she goes into labor and has it here before the ambulance comes?" Petry held up a hand and then gave Laalaa a funny look when she covered her ears, shook her head and started chanting "LAALAALAALAALAA"

"That's why I call her Laalaa, every time I come up with an idea, she does that."

*******************

Laalaa sat staring straight ahead stuck in a comatose like state, Peanut was watching TV and Jen was reading the newspaper while they waited for Petry to come back from getting groceries and some other things for Jos and Remi. She had to laugh at what they were doing and she knew that once Jos was released, they would have to move to Brazil to keep her from killing them. However, it would all be worth it if her small friend found what she had with Petry in the tall dark Remi. At the sound of her car pulling up to the house, she got up and went out to help Petry bring in the bags. With the first eye contact they had, she knew that Petry was close to murder. She gave her a bright smile and pushed her up against the trunk. "I know you hate going to the store but I'll make it up to you when we get home." She kissed her lips gently and then nipped her chin. "For let's say…the rest of the day, night and until we have to go to work in the morning?" She had never seen her wife move so fast before, she had her arms loaded down with groceries bags and into the house before she could even grab her share. "Maybe I can get her to do all the shopping?" She grinned and took the last of the bags into the house.

*********************

Peanut picked up a bottle of lotion with vitamin E and Aloe Vera in it, it was a jumbo size bottle and she was amazed that they came that big. "What's this for?"

"You know how big Jos's stomach is, that's the only stuff she'll use. It'll keep her from having stretch marks." Jen said and then pulled out some other toiletries that Petry had gotten. "I'm glad you thought of these." She laid the box of tampons on the table and searched the rest of the bags.

"I know it's a personal thing but I figured that it would be safer to have them down there for Remi just in case…ya know?" Petry knew that her face was bright red, she hated buying the things and always made Jen do it. "Why do the check out people gotta plop that damn box right on top after they scan it and why do I always get a young guy for a bagger who gives me a stupid grin when he sees 'em?"

Laalaa opened her mouth and decided it was safer to just say nothing; Peanut on the other hand had no brains. "He probably saw all your muscles and wondered why ya needed 'em; ya know the butch thing and all."

Petry raised a dark eyebrow and looked to her grinning wife. "Is that why they do it, I mean it's not like I was buying a case of Trojans or something and who doesn't know about that time of the month when we should be allowed to drop kick a guy in his nuts?" She grabbed her aching forehead and dropped down into a kitchen chair. "I think I over did the thinking thing, my head hurts." She whined and dropped her head onto the table.

"See that!" Peanut pointed a finger at Petry and grinned. "I ain't the only one that has that happen when I think." Two sets of eyes connected one brown the other hazel. Shaking their heads at the other two, Jen and Laalaa went back to sorting the bags.

*************

Remi woke up to hear a pitter-patter in her ear, she blinked open one eye and looked up to see nothing but blue. She eased her head to the side and then placed it back once she figured out where she was. She pressed her ear back to Jos's belly and listened to the small heartbeat of the baby. A small grin crossed her face and then she felt a slight press against her face. "You moved," She whispered and then placed her face tighter to the spot to see if it happened again. "Do it again, I wanna feel."

"Who are you talking to down there?" Jos's raspy sleep-filled voice asked. She moved her head to the side and rolled her eyes when she saw what Remi was doing.

"I felt it; I felt your baby move in there." She moved slowly from where she was lying with her head on Jos's lap and rubbed the sleep from her face. "I've never felt anything like that before; I even heard the baby's heartbeat." She looked from smiling green eyes down to a swollen belly; a small grin came across her features when Jos placed her hand where her face had been. "It feels like a little foot or maybe a hand."

"That's probably a foot because I think its little butt is right on my bladder." She held out her hand and had Remi pull her up from the couch; they went into the bathroom and then heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "I hope that's food coming down those stairs or I may just chew through my ankle and get my own food."

"Ohh you won't have to do that, I'm about ready to pick that concrete block up and carry it up the stairs." She pulled a butter knife from her back pocket and waved it behind her. "I got this, maybe we can use it to try and get the shackles off and then we can escape." Jos took it from her hands and then stepped beside her.

"So ya gonna use it like a file and cut through the chain or something or maybe cut my pants off me so I can take a shower." She turned her back when Remi started to unfasten her tan chinos and went over to the sink to wash her hands.

"I could do that but then you'd have to sit around half naked." A wicked grin came to her face but disappeared when Jos turned back to face her.

"Ohh go ahead and grin, you've never seen a naked pregnant woman before. You'll fall over from shock and then I'll have to drag you around by your ankle." She ran a hand over her belly and grinned. "It ain't a pretty sight, stretch marks, saggy tits and I have no idea what's below the baby. I haven't seen anything in that area for months now."

Remi gulped and stood up from the toilet, when they were finished, they went out into the kitchen area and saw all the bags on the table. Jos looked through them and grinned at Remi. "They brought us food and stuff," She looked in one of the bags, pulled out the big bottle of lotion, and found a note taped to it. She pulled the note off, started to read it and felt Remi lean over her shoulder to join her.

Jos, it'll take a few days to get the ransom money together for your release. Laalaa and Peanut have promised to take good care of you guys so don't worry, don't hurt them either, Petry has already showed them what she can do with pop cans. We'll hurry and get you guys out of there and those two really aren't that bad. A little dense in the head but they're harmless.

Jen and Petry

"So that means that they're getting us both out of here, why, they don't even know me?"

"Doesn't matter to Jen and Petry, they're my best friends and know that I wouldn't leave you behind even if I don't know you that well." She handed the note to Remi with a bright smile. "Knowing those two, this will save them from trying to set me up on a blind date."

A dark brow rose above a pale blue eye and buried its self in dark shaggy bangs. "Find you a date, why in the world would they be trying to find you a date. There's no way I would go out on a blind date that's for sure." She held up a hand when she saw sparks shoot through green eyes. "Why can't you get your own date, I just can't see you not having all kinds of men chasing after you and being seen with me is not gonna help you in that department at all." She raised her hands around their temporary quarters and grinned. "Not like anyone would see us down here but you get my point don't you…I hope…where's the butter knife?" She tried to back up and then remembered the chain.

"It's not men that they keep setting me up with; it's their goofy ass women friends or friends of friends of friends." She invaded Remi's personal space and bumped her belly into her. "Get it now and the more I think about it, I think that they don't want to get us out of here but hope to make a love connection." She stood there gazing up into blue eyes until they widened with knowledge. "Now you see what I'm saying huh, I think they were here and we're stuck with each other."

"Ohh noooo would they really do that…now we're kidnapped by four people and two of them are your FRIENDS!" She slapped her hands over her eyes and groaned. "Nononononno! They can't do this…it's not right, we have to get out of here!" With panic filled eyes, she looked from Jos to the block and back, her breathing became ragged and sweat started to pour down her face. "We have to get out, you're gonna have a baby and I…we have to get out!" She walked a few inches and looked over her shoulder at Jos. "Are you coming or do I have to pick you up and carry you?"

"And where exactly are we going to go?"

Remi pointed to the concrete block. "To that thing, maybe I can pick it up and I can get up stairs and beat the hell out of whoever's up there."

Jos shook her head and laid a hand on Remi's arm. "You can't pick that thing up; you'll get a hernia or put your back out or something."

"If I can get it to move just a little bit towards the stairs I don't give a damn if I stretch my arms a foot or two." She reached down, wrapped her arms around the block and strained. Her face turned a deep red, the veins in her neck and temple bulged and then she fell over on to her side with a low moan. Jos bent over as far as she could and looked into her strained features.

"You don't look so good and I don't think it's all a panic attack over me and my baby."
In a voice similar to Mickey Mouse, Remi mumbled and let out a louder groan. "Where do ya get hernias?" She rolled into a ball and pressed both hands to her crotch. "Think I hurt myself…really bad."

***************

Four sets of eyes watched through a small basement window, Petry clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing and then felt Jen nudge her with an elbow. "Is she hurt?" She asked a snickering Petry and saw her shake her head.

"Nahh…she probably just strained her groin and stomach muscles, if she's hurt bad, we'll no in a few hours."

Jen crawled over the top of her wife and stopped beside Peanut and Laalaa, in a whisper she asked. "Can you go down there and take the shackle off Jos, as long as Remi is still chained, she won't leave her. She's one of those caretaker types, maternal instincts ooze from her."

"Are ya sure she won't beat one of us up?" Laalaa asked with a scared tone to her voice. "I've heard of those raging mama hormones, she could be really mean and hurt me."

"Take her some ice and some aspirins for Remi and she'll be happy."

"If she hurts me I'll…never mind, come on Peanut you can help me."

*********************

Jos sat beside a moaning Remi and brushed her sweat soaked hair back from her face, she couldn't wrap her mind around the reason behind her phobia with children. She had seen plenty of bad children but they never sent her off the deep edge, maybe brought out feelings of homicidal mania but not the way Remi reacted. "You'll be OK Remi, I'll have Peanut or Laalaa bring you some aspirins."

"How about a shot of morphine?" She rolled onto her back and moaned. "Why'd you let me do something stupid like that?"

"Ya know the old tale about baby and fire, sometimes we still learn the same way when we think we're all grown up." She slipped a leg under Remi's head and placed a hand on her chest. "We're gonna have a long talk about your panic attacks and see what we can do about them."

"Why, it only happens around kids."

"Or when you think of kids, the very thought of me having my baby had you thinking you were Hercules."

"Did not, it was…" She looked up when she heard feet running down the stairs and then Peanut and Laalaa running over to them. "Hi guys, come to terrorize us with some more notes or what?"

"Nope, no notes," Laalaa said and leaned over Jos to unlock her shackle. "We were watching through the basement window and seen you hurt yourself, Jos can go without the shackle but we're leaving yours on because you're dangerous to yourself."

"Ohh gee thanks for being so kind, it's your fault for all of this."

"Yeah and we'll all pay for it in the next lifetime, right now, we need to get you in bed." Between Laalaa and Petry, they were able to pick Remi up and carry her to the bed. After returning from the bathroom, Jos took the ice bag from Peanut.

"Thanks for taking the shackle off but what I want to know, are Jen and Petry helping you guys now?" She looked to see two pairs of eyes grow wide and then Laalaa and Peanut ran for the stairs. "Guess that just answered my question," She flipped the ice bag in her hand and saw the key taped to the top, palming it, she slipped it into her pocket and sat down on the side of the small bed. "I don't know if this is going to help or where exactly to put it…" She handed the bag to a still moaning Remi and then went to get the aspirins that Peanut had left. "Are you hungry, I can cook us some lunch?"

"Can you wrap the chain around my neck and pull really really tight?"

"I could but then who would I have to torture with my mood swings, here take these and if the pain gets worse you tell me." She looked for the ice bag and noticed it inside the fly of her chinos. "You know a hot bath might make you feel better."

"Uhh huh and wash my dirty clothes at the same time." She closed her eyes and opened them when she felt hands pulling at the waistband. "What are you doing?"

"You can slide your one pant leg over the chain, that way they won't get wet."

"How about if you just slide them off and I lay here and suffer for a while before moving?" She whimpered when she lifted her hips up and Jos slid her pants down, a loud groan came from between clenched teeth when she lifted one leg to let Jos pull it over her foot. Once done, she relaxed on the bed and let her eyes drift closed.

********************

"How long do we keep them down there?" Peanut asked around a mouthful of ice cream.

"I figure a week should do it," Jen said. "Then you can let them go, we'll bring Jos's car over tomorrow afternoon so they have a way of getting home."

Laalaa gave them a nod and then asked a question that had been bothering her. "What happens if she goes into labor while we're at work?"

"Don't worry," Peanut held up her hand and grinned. "Jos has the key to the shackles…a little voice told me to do it, ya know in case of an emergency."

Laalaa growled and bared her teeth at her grinning housemate. "And I know for a fact that your voices get us into deep shit!"

Petry chuckled and wrapped an arm around her wife. "Come let's go home, you owe me remember?"

"And I'll pay up," She waved at the arguing housemates and walked towards the front door. "You guys have any problems, you have our phone number."

"Yep, don't worry, as long as Remi stays down there we won't scream bloody murder." Laalaa said and then smacked Peanut in her head. "And if she gets loose, I'm throwing this idiot down the stairs and running like Hell."

*****************

Remi was up and walking around but it looked more as if she was creeping, her stomach was killing her and she felt like her legs were going to fall off. She knew that she had pulled some muscles in her legs and she would be feeling it for a few days. She went over to the kitchen table and looked through the stack of clothes that sat there. She found a clean t-shirt and switched it for a double X white button down. Grabbing the small pair of toenail scissors that lay on the table, she cut the side of her underwear on the leg with the chain and then slipped them off. Going over to the bathroom door, she tapped and waited for Jos to answer. "You OK in there?"

"Yeah but I could use some help stepping over the tub." She didn't want to take the chance of slipping and falling while getting out of the shower. She just hoped that Remi didn't freak when she saw her swollen stomach, she knew that some people found a pregnant woman attractive but she didn't see it at all. She stood holding onto the towel rack and offered a blushing Remi a small smile when she came in. "It scares me to step out of the shower…"

"It's OK, I understand, I've fallen a few times getting out." She grabbed a towel, handed it to her and waited for her to fasten it around her body. She couldn't help but grin when it didn't cover her belly at all. "Maybe they'll bring us some bigger towels or maybe a robe you can use."

"It's OK, another week or so and I won't have to worry about it." She held out her hand and grabbed Remi's forearm as she wrapped an arm around her back. "I'll be so glad to be able to see my feet, be able to actually tie my shoe laces and not have my doctor looking at a certain area and say 'looks normal'." She looked up to find Remi's eyes on her stomach, she looked down and then back up again. Feeling self-conscious, she squeezed Remi's arm and left the bathroom to get dressed.

"How could ya tell if it didn't look normal?" She scratched her head and groaned at how greasy her hair was. "While I'm in here, might as well take a shower, I hope the shackle and chain doesn't rust on me over night. Go ahead and talk to yourself some more, it'll be different from talking to pastry shells and coffee beans."

*****************

The next morning, Peanut went down to check on them before she and Laalaa went to work, she crept down the stairs and over to where they were sleeping. She looked down and smiled at the way Remi was laying spooned against Jos's back. She looked to the ceiling, gave a thumbs up sign and a wink. She turned when she heard Laalaa hiss at her, she stuck her tongue out and then made her way back to the stairs. "I hate when you do that, gives me the creeps."

"Why do you think I do it, are they OK down there?"

"Yep, all snuggled up against each other and snoring up a storm. If this love connection works, we better get brownie points!"

"Ohhh I'm sure we will, now let's get going before we lose our jobs."

***************

A few hours later, Jos woke from the grumbling in her in stomach. She rolled over, took in a sprawled out Remi, and felt her face heat up. The shirt she wore was up around her ribcage and strong stomach muscles flexed with each breath. She let her eyes travel downward to a thin strip of dark hair and had to close her eyes. It had been so long since she had looked upon a naked woman that she knew she would do something stupid. Getting out of bed, she rubbed her eyes trying to get rid of the image of a half-naked Remi from her brain. "Sex and touching Remi is the last thing you need to be thinking about right now." She mumbled to herself. Remi opened her eyes and grinned; she had felt Jos looking at her but pretended to be asleep. Stretching was a bad thing to do; she groaned and grabbed her lower stomach.

"Face it Remington, you're an idiot and you shouldn't have even tried to lift up that block." She rolled over, hugged Jos's pillow to her face, and inhaled her soft scent before closing her eyes. "Wonder if she'll let me touch her belly so I can feel the baby?"

"All you have to do is ask."

She opened her eyes and blushed; she hadn't heard Jos come back towards the bed. "I thought all pregnant women hated people always touching their stomachs?"

"Ohh it drives me nuts when complete strangers come up and paw me or the people I work with touch me like a damn Buddha. Sometimes I think they're making wishes when they rub my stomach. She handed Remi the bottle of lotion, pulled the huge t-shirt up to rest above her belly and crawled onto the bed to rest against the headboard. "You're different…I saw complete amazement in your eyes the first time you felt the baby move. And that's different because the very thought of kids sends you off the deep edge." Remi took the bottle and poured some of the lotion into her hands, rubbing them together, she gave Jos one last look before she started to apply the lotion with gentle hands. Jos closed her eyes and sighed at the gentle touch, she could swear that her skin tingled and the baby tried to press upward into Remi's hands. "Why do you panic when kids are around?"

"Ever been to an orphanage, hundreds of kids screaming, crying, running around loose, stealing what little bit of personal items you have. You live in a ward that is full of kids of all ages; you can't sleep at night because of the noise. Kids got sick and sneezed all over the place, threw up on the floors or their beds. When I got older, they gave me younger kids to watch out for, take care of. We ate at the same tables with them, had to take care of all their needs even when they got sick. We all got sick once, I lost some of the little ones. Someone had mumps and passed it on to the rest of us; I ended up in the infirmary for two months. I almost died…" She looked up with tear-filled eyes and saw the same. "I spent sixteen years in that orphanage before I was old enough to be on my own." She lay down beside Jos and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I'm not afraid of the kids because of what they can do to me; it's because of what I can't do for them." Jos slid her arm under Remi's head and pulled her closer to her body; she used her fingertips and wiped the tears from her face.

"You were a kid, there's nothing you could have done for them. They were wrong to put that kind of responsibility on you kids, it was their job to take care of you." She laid her head on Remi's and felt her tears course down her cheeks to soak into dark hair. "How could they let that happen, it's not supposed to be like that anymore."

"We're talking over 20 years ago and a private run orphanage, they didn't care how we were taking care of as long as they got state funding. "I'm lucky, with almost dying; I only lost a little bit of my hearing." She ran a hand across Jos's belly and felt a slight movement beneath her hand.

"She must like you, she only moves like that when you touch me."

Pale blue eyes moved up to meet with smiling green, a lopsided smile came to Remi's face and stayed as she moved her hand over Jos's belly. "You know it's a girl for sure?"

"No, but I'm hoping it's a girl. I wouldn't have the slightest idea of what to do with a boy. I have brothers but they're all older than me and the trouble they caused when we were growing up I don't want to relive."

"What did they do, get into fights like all boys do?"

"That and sneak out at night even thought they were grounded but the biggest thing was when my younger brother of four got his sixteen year-old girlfriend pregnant. I thought my dad was going to cut his balls off."

"What was wrong with using Trojans or was he afraid to go and buy them?"

"That's one of the reasons dad was pissed, he bought all my brothers boxes of rubbers to prevent them from becoming fathers. My stupid brother Tommy said that he didn't need them because he always pulled out before and I quote the idiot. 'Before I shoot my load.' Dad made sure that he couldn't shoot anything for a month." She chuckled when Remi sat up and her eyebrows rose up into her bangs.

"What'd he do to him?"

"My dads six foot three and weighs over two hundred pounds; he dwarfs everybody so you can imagine him up against a scrawny sixteen year-old boy. He grabbed Tommy by his nuts and picked him up off the floor. He gave Tommy a choice, either marry the girl or join the girl's choir."

"So your brother got married when he was sixteen?"

"Nope, but he looks damn good in a skirt." The look on Remi's face was priceless; she pulled her head down onto her shoulder and snorted. "Just kidding, they've been married for 28 years and have four grown kids. In fact, I'm a great aunt."

"How old are you if he's…" Remi counted on her fingers and gave Jos a raised eyebrow. "44?"

"I'm 34 but I feel 64 today, I have feet and ankles the size of an elephants." Remi got out of bed, looked around their living area and brought over a small footstool that had been sitting against one wall. She lifted Jos's feet, placed the stool under her calves, and then started rubbing her feet and ankles. "Maybe this will help and maybe you should stay off your feet."

Green eyes twinkled and a small smile came to her lips, she never took Remi for being a nurturing person. "Are you gonna wait on me hand and foot?"

"Yep, I owe ya." She kept her eyes downward and refused to lift them when Jos asked. "I could have over powered both Peanut and Laalaa in the bank the other day and kept them from taking you hostage."

"And if not, they could have shot you for trying. Remi, this isn't so bad being here, granted you lost your job and found out you're not Hercules but at least you're not dead."

"I knew they didn't have guns from the beginning, I just never thought we'd be taken hostage and kept even after they said they'd let us go. But you're right, it's not bad here. I don't have cable at home, air conditioning and I sure as Hell don't eat this good."

"Does me staying in bed mean that you're gonna cook for us?"

"I can do that and I can guarantee that it'll be close to gourmet." She winked and then headed for the kitchen with green eyes taking in her long muscular legs. "Wish ya had legs as long of mine huh?"

"Shut up and cook Remi."

**************

Peanut sat on the floor of their latest electrical job; she had all kinds of wires in her mouth while she punched out the holes in the back of a metal junction box. She turned her head and grinned at Laalaa who was struggling with a huge wooden roll of 16-gauge wire. "What the Hell are you doing with those wires in your mouth, those things are HOT!" She reached over, pulled the wires from Peanuts mouth, screamed, and then shook until she dropped them. "You ignorant ass," She shook her numb fingers and kicked Peanut in her ass. "How come you didn't get zapped?"

"Got used to it after a few minutes, is my hair still standing up?" She reached over her head and felt her long hair standing on end. "Pretty cool huh?"

"Are you almost done there, its ten minutes to four and I wanna stop and get fried chicken for supper."

"Figures, it's your turn ta cook and we're gonna stop and get chicken. Can I get extra crispy and some of that black cherry cheese cake and corn bread muffins and fried livers and…" Her eyes grew wide when she saw the electrical wires getting close to her ear. "Time ta go…this can wait until morning!" She scampered away on her hands and knees all the way to the fuse box, she jumped up and hit the switch and sent the room into pitch-blackness.

"HEY I CAN"T SEE!" Laalaa yelled and tripped all the way to the door. "You wait until we get home; I'm locking you in the basement for the rest of the week!"

"I'll go willingly if ya take Remi out, she scares me!" She grabbed Laalaa's hand and pulled her from the dark room. "Think we should get them some chicken and stuff?"

"And how do we know if they haven't already cooked supper?"

Peanut pulled her cell phone from her pocket, dialed their home number and waited for it to be picked up. "Remi, it's Peanut, you guys want fried chicken for supper tonight?" She watched Laalaa's eyes roll back in her head and then she fell straight back on the floor. "OK, extra mashed potatoes and gravy, c-ya in a little bit." She hung up the phone and kicked Laalaa's foot. "Come on I'm hungry and I want some spicy chicken wings to!"

*****************

Remi had been reading Baby Talk Magazine when she heard a phone buzz; she looked around the living room and saw a cordless phone sitting on a bookshelf that she had paid little attention to. She looked quickly to where Jos was sleeping in the bed and ran over to grab the phone, she was shocked when she heard Peanuts voice. Going into the bathroom, she spoke to her in a low voice. "Sure, can we have extra mash potatoes and gravy, Jos really likes them." She hit the off button and grinned; they had a phone down there with them the whole time and had never seen it. She searched for the ringer switch and flipped it off. "Where can I hide this thing?" She looked around the bathroom and then went into the living room and slipped it under the couch. "I want more time with her is that so bad?" She asked herself and then went back to reading about taking care of newborns. Among the bags that their kidnappers/friends had left for them, they had come across the bag that Jos had with her when they were taken hostage. She had some new baby clothes, magazines and other items that she had bought going into before work in there. The magazines are what Remi had been reading most of the time that Jos had been sleeping; there were things in there that she had never known about. Who knew that there were different sizes of bottle nipples? What really amazed her was the breast pump, after reading how you would use it; she crossed an arm over her breasts and shivered. It reminded her of what they used on cows and there was no way she would ever use one of those. "Like you would get pregnant anyway." She flipped back to the page that she had been reading when she felt Jos lean over her shoulder.

"Learning anything?"

"Yeah, that I would rather have my tits slammed in a desk drawer than use a breast pump." She tilted her head back and looked into sleepy green eyes. "Are you gonna use one of those?"

"I have one, I may use it if I'm unable to breast feed, you know like in a public place or something." She went into the bathroom and heard Remi moan. "I don't think too many people would like to see me whip out a tit so I could feed my baby." Remi had never seen anything like that and it made her feel like she had missed out on something in life. She would love to see Jos breast-feeding her baby and was shocked that there wasn't anything sexual about it. "How would you feel if a woman did that at say a restaurant or while sitting on a park bench, would it gross you out?"

"I've never seen a woman breast feeding her baby but I know it wouldn't gross me out or anything, it's a natural thing. Now if I saw a man and woman having sex on that bench then I'd be grossed out."

Jos sat down next to her on the couch and watched her flip through the magazine. "Why because it's a male and female having sex?"

"Nope because it's in public and not the proper place to be doing something like that," She looked to Jos and groaned. "I have no problems with public displays of affection, some are better for when you're behind closed doors though. I may have been raised in an orphanage but I was taught morals, some of the people today don't have any."

"You mean like the john getting a blow job in the alley?"

"EEEWWW, thanks for that nasty picture in my head."

****************

"I can't believe you called Remi; I also can't believe that we forgot about the phone down there!" Laalaa smacked Peanut in her head. "What if we get home and they're gone and the police are waiting for us?"

"Naaah, they'll still be there. I think they like it there, Jos has the key to the shackles and she hasn't let Remi go."

"You better be right and you better not say the voices are telling you all this." She shot a glare at her and almost put the van on the sidewalk.

"OK, I won't tell ya it was the voices. But they said if you ain't nice ta me they're gonna put me in charge from now on." Before the van stopped, Peanut was out the door with half of the food in her hands. She ran into the house and went right to the basement door, taking a deep breathe; she opened the door and went down the steps. "Hope you guys are hungry, I got lotsa food for ya." She put the bucket of chicken, bag of side orders and a two-liter of Coke on the kitchen table. She backed up when Remi got up off the couch and walked towards her, she was ready to run until she saw a twinkling blue eye wink at her.

Jos patted her arm and gave her a bright smile. "You didn't have to bring us food; we have all kinds of stuff we could have made."

"Well, it's Laalaa's night to cook so we stopped and got chicken. She hates cooking," She gave them a conspirital grin. "She sucks and can't cook worth a damn anyway, plus this way you guys don't have ta cook tonight." She gave them a toothy grin and started for the stairs.

Jos gave her a nod of her head and pointed to her hair. "Hey Peanut why's your hair standing on end?"

"Ohhh that's from putting hot electrical wires in my mouth, that way I know where they are and don't grab a hot one with my fingers." She ran up the stairs and before she closed the door, they heard her yell at Laalaa for taking the breast meat and wanted to know where the fried livers were.

"No wonder she's a little off in the head," Remi mumbled and started pulling food out of the bag, she grinned and handed Jos the huge container of mashed potatoes and the other container of gravy. "They brought us cheese cake and apple cobbler for desert." After they had eaten, washed, and put away the dishes, they sat down on the couch to watch TV. Jos handed the remote control to Remi and stretched out as best she could.

"You go ahead and find us something to watch."

"But what if what I want to watch you don't?" She took the remote and looked at the buttons before looking to Jos.

"As long as it's not the shopping network or sports, I'll watch it."

"You don't like sports, I figured with you working at the newspaper that you would cover all kinds of stuff, including the local sports stuff?"

"Since I blew up like a house, my boss took me off my normal assignments but even before that, I let Jen take the sports pieces." She tilted her head to be able to look up at Remi. "I write the obituaries and unless someone dies, I don't have anything to do at work."

"And here I thought my job was depressing," In a monotone voice, she droned. "Time ta make the donuts." She grinned, switched the TV to the Lifetime channel and then patted her leg. "Move closer and put your head on my leg or I can get you a bed pillow."

"Your leg will do, how's your stomach, does it still hurt?"

"Yeah but not as bad, I'll never do that again." She leaned back into the cushions and let her fingers brush through Jos's short silky hair. She looked down to see green eyes flutter and then close, her breathing became deep and even as Jos drifted, off to sleep. "You'll make a good mother Jos, you care for everyone whether you know them or not." She forgot all about the TV and just watched her small friend sleep.

*****************

Jen crawled up onto the bed and dropped across Petry's chest; she traced the line of her jaw with a fingertip and grinned. "You will not believe what happened today?"

"With the way our lives have been for the last couple, yeah I will. What happened this time?"

"Peanut called Remi at their house and asked her if they wanted fried chicken for supper." She laughed at the wide-eyed, dropped jaw expression on her wife's face.

"Are they still in the basement or do they have full run of the house now?"

"Ohh they're still down there, Laalaa forgot about the phone down there. She thought for sure that the police would be there waiting for them but when Peanut took the food down, Remi winked at her."

"So Jos has the key to the shackles and Remi knows there's a phone, doesn't seem like either one of them wants to go anywhere. Could Remi be the one for her, I know she always says that she doesn't need anybody in her life but…"

"Ohh I think she's finding out she was always wrong when she told us that, Peanut said they still sleep in the bed together and she was spying on them before she called and they were all cuddly on the couch." She rolled over, rested her head on Petry's wide shoulder, and wrapped an arm over her stomach. "I think she's falling for tall dark and sneaky."

"She's no more sneaky than Jos is, they're perfect for each other." She reached over and flipped the nightstand light off. "Wanna see how sneaky I am?"

***********

Laalaa walked into Peanuts bedroom and stood over her where she was lying on the floor with her eye to the heat register. She leaned over and spoke in a deep voice. "I can see you!" Peanut jumped, slipped on the floor and landed on her back looking up into smiling brown eyes.

"Asshole, I thought it was Remi!"

"You're lucky it wasn't, she might've poked ya in your eye. Sooo…whatcha see down there?" She dropped down, put her eye to the heat register, and moaned. "This just ain't fair, the last time I slept with someone, it was six someone's and we were all toddler size."

Peanut's mouth dropped open; she shoved Laalaa until she lifted her head. "You slept with someone when you were a toddler?"

"Not like that you dense moron, we only had one bed so me and all my brothers and sisters had to sleep in it."

"I slept in the dog's bed, her pillow was softer and she had nicer toys then me."

"Peanut, you still sleep in a dog's bed." She got up off the floor and pointed to Peanut's bed. "Only you would sleep on Scooby Doo sheets and have squeaky toys." She went to the door and looked back over her shoulder. "I'm going to bed, don't lay on the floor spying all night or it'll take months ta get the register lines off your face.

Peanut rubbed her face, felt the indentations from the register on her face, and groaned. "Who would notice anyway?" She shrugged her shoulders and put her eye back to the register. "Come on Remi do somethin already, all ya do is lay there and play with her big belly. Go lower Remi…," She dropped her voice octaves and repeated the word thinking that Remi would hear her. "Lower…lower…low…" She jumped back from the register when pale blue eyes looked directly at her and white teeth flashed.

************

"Ya little freakazoid, I can't believe you Peanut." Remi moved out from under Jos and gave her shoulder a gentle shake. "Come on mama time for bed." When Jos continued to snore, she slid her arms under her, lifted her up and carried her to their bed. When she bent over, she felt a little twinge in her stomach but that was all. "Guess I'm not hurt as bad as I thought." She climbed into bed and curled around Jos after pulling the sheet over them. She rested her hand on her belly and moved it in slow circles, occasionally; she felt the baby move and could tell that it was getting lower. From what she had read in the magazine, that meant that Jos was getting closer to her delivery time. "What am I gonna do if…if…if the baby starts to come…," She felt her pulse start to race, her heart speed up and sweat form on her upper lip. She took a deep breath to try to calm her suddenly racing nerves, just the thought of being in the same area during a birth had her going into panic mode. She was ready to get up and pace the floor, jump up and down or flush her head in the toilet when a small hand settled on her head and massaged her scalp.

"Go to sleep Remington." Jos whispered and then rolled part way into her body and held her close. "Go to sleep…" A loud snore and then grumbling rumbled against Remi's head, she closed her eyes and placed an arm over Jos's ribs. In seconds, she was calmed and drifting off to sleep with her head resting on Jos's shoulder.

A few hours later, Jos had to untangle them so that she could go to the bathroom, she felt like she spent a good majority of the last nine months sitting on a toilet. On her way, she pulled her t-shirt up and rubbed her belly. A wide grin came to her sleepy face when she remembered falling asleep with Remi holding her possessively and occasionally rubbing her belly. "It'll be OK Remi, hopefully my baby will decide to come after we're out of here and you won't have anything to worry about." Her eyes filled with tears and trailed down her cheeks to drip off her jaw. A low sob escaped her trembling lips and echoed in the small bathroom, she dropped her face down into her hands and cried.

Remi rolled over and felt around on the bed searching for Jos, what she found was the spot cooling from where she had once been. She sat up and can saw the light on in the bathroom, getting up; she stumbled with the chain and stopped outside of the bathroom door. "What's wrong Jos?" She stepped into the bathroom and dropped to her knees beside her. "Come on Jos, let's go back to bed."

"What am I gonna do?" She sobbed into her hands and leaned into Remi's body. "When my baby comes…what am I gonna do?" Remi wrapped her arms around her and placed a lingering kiss to her crown. She helped her up and then pulled her shorts up for her.

"Let's go back to bed and you can tell me what you're worried about." She helped her to lie down and then sat on the edge of the bed holding her hand. "What are you worried about Jos, you'll make a great mama?" She wiped tears from reddened cheeks and felt her heart thump against her ribcage; she hated to see Jos crying.

"I don't know…mood swings." She broke down, rolled over, and placed her face against Remi's side.

"Who's your birthing coach, ya know the one whose gonna be in the delivery room and help you afterwards?"

"Jen said if I…needed someone…she'd come, otherwise I don't have anyone."

"Why not Jos, everyone needs someone in there…for support." She couldn't believe what she was about to do, it scared the Hell out of her but she would do it for Jos. She had strong feelings for the smaller woman and it surprised her that it had happened in just a matter of days. "I'll be your coach Jos, I won't know what I'm doing but I'll be there." She closed her eyes, wrapped Jos in a tight hug and rocked her until she fell back to sleep. "Hope you know what you've just gotten yourself into Remington." She whispered.

********

Jen held up a hand to her and Jos's boss, she had been listening to him for the past 20 minutes and couldn't get it through his head that Jos was OK, that she was taking it easy at home and not to worry. "I called all day yesterday, the day before and the day before that! She doesn't answer and I can't help but worry about her!" He flung his arms in the air and ran his fingers through his thin hair. "Come on Jen, you're her friend, where is she?"

"She's staying with a friend, you know she's close to her due date and this way if she goes into labor someone will be there."

"OK I can understand that," He dropped down into his chair and pushed his bifocals up onto his forehead. "I just worry about her, ya know with her living alone and not having anybody…Ohhh Hell you know what I mean." He blushed when she wiggled her brows at him.

"If everything is working the way I hope, she won't be alone." She gave him a wink and left him to sit and try to figure out just what she meant by her last remark. "You're worse than a nurse maid boss man; it's good to know you care about us." She went back over to her desk and pulled the files she had been working on from her in box. "Wonder what you two are doing right now?" She leaned back in her chair and let wicked images rush through her head, closing her eyes; she missed the two women drop into chairs across from her desk.

"Ohh sittin here watching you grin like a lunatic." Peanut grinned at Jen and then slid up in the chair to lean on the edge of her desk. "I checked on them before we left for work and they were still sleeping…actually…that's all they seem to do is sleep." Jen leaned closer to Peanut and pointed a finger at her.

"What's wrong with your face?"

"That's from the little pervert looking through the heat registers in the floor, that's how she knows that Remi and Jos sleep a lot." Laalaa gave her a wink.

"So you came to tell me that Peanut's a pervert?"

"That and ta thank you for not turning us in." She dropped hers eyes to her boots and continued. "We feel really bad for doing all of this and hope that you guys aren't mad. We didn't need the ransom money or anything; we just get bored and do stupid things."

"Don't worry, no ones mad at you guys," She leaned back in her chair and looked between the two women. "So what other things have you two done because of boredom?" She saw a wicked grin cross Peanuts face and knew she was in trouble.

"We switched the labels on some movies at Video Den, bet there were a lot of confused kiddies." She snickered and slapped hands with Laalaa.

"Lady and the Tramp took on a whole new meaning for them, if ya know what I mean." Laalaa said and wiggled her eyebrows.

Jen crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. "Ohh so you two are the reason I ended up watching a Disney movie instead of porno. Ya know I didn't get any that night because Petry cried through the whole damn movie."

"Uuuhh Ohhh…sorry Jen," Peanut grinned and slid a video tape across the desk to her. "That's not porno but it'll let ya know what Jos and Remi are doing in the basement, besides sleep, they talk a lot. And Remi's been reading those parenting magazines and asking Jos questions. Kinda funny since she's…"

"Terrified of kids and has panic attacks." Laalaa completed Peanuts sentence and saw a frown form on Jen's face. "Don't worry though, they're helping each other." She got up from the chair and waved at Peanut. "We gotta go; we'll let ya know how they're doing once we get home after work."

****************

Remi was lying on the couch with her legs up over the back, head hanging off the cushion and reading one of the parenting magazines. They had talked most of the morning about all kinds of things, some personal, and some just daily observations. When Jos heard the grumbling in her stomach and felt a small hunger pain, she decided to make them some lunch and a pot of Ginseng tea. She kept taking glances of Remi and shaking her head in thought, what had started out as being total strangers stuck together in a strange situation had changed to friendship and now was something deeper. Remi knew things about her that not even Jen knew. She felt comfortable with the tall woman enough to tell her of her deepest fears and hopes, each time that she looked into her clear blue eyes; she felt her heart skip a beat. When the baby kicked, she placed a hand on her stomach and moaned, all that morning she had been kicking up a storm and was more active than usual. "You OK Jos, something I can do?" Remi asked from where she had given up reading and was now watching TV upside down.

"I'm OK, baby is just doing little tap dances, she must be hungry."

"Let me know and I'll take over lunch, you shouldn't be up moving around so much anyway."

"I'll go nuts if I have to sit around; I'm not used to being so inactive." She pulled the pot from the stovetop, grabbed her stomach and then heard a splashing sound. She looked down, saw a huge puddle around her feet, and gasped. "REMI!" She gripped the counter top in tight fingers and groaned when another pain shot through her stomach. She started to slip to the floor, then felt strong arms grab her, and led her to a chair. "My water broke."

"As in baby's water and she's coming?" At Jos's nodding head, Remi's eyes widened, she tripped over the chain on her way over to the couch. Crawling on hands and knees, she reached under and grabbed the phone. Crawling back into the kitchen, she looked up to Jos and waved the phone in front of her. "What's the hospitals phone number?"

"Where did you get that?"

"Uhhmm…I found it the other day…sorry…I…what's the number?"

"I don't think the ambulance will find us since we don't know where we are," She took the phone from Remi and dialed Jen at work, when there was no answer, she called her home and sighed when it went unanswered as well. "We have to get upstairs and find the address."

"Can you make it up the stairs?" Remi was rushing into panic mode; she could see the twinges of pain going though Jos's eyes.

"Not by myself, go over to the bookshelf and run your hand across the top shelf." Remi did as Jos said and came across a key, she looked at it and then to where Jos was pointing at the shackle. "It's the shackle key, Peanut gave it to me." She saw the smile come across Remi's face and shrugged her shoulders. "Guess we're even then, you had a phone and I had the key." She moaned and grabbed he stomach in pain.

"I'll be right back." Remi dropped the shackle and ran up the stairs; she slammed into the door with her shoulder and let out a yelp from pain.

"Remi, the doors not locked." Jos chuckled at the soft 'Ohhh' that came from Remi and then moaned with another contraction. "Guess I have one secret up on her." She had checked the door days ago when she had first been released from the shackle, she had kept that a secret to keep Remi from trying to be Hercules again or try to convince her to escape on her own. At the sound of footfalls and cussing as Remi tripped down the stairs, she looked over her shoulder and saw her grabbing a bag that she had prepared in case she went into labor. "Do you have an address?"

"Better, there's a blue Eclipse in the driveway, I couldn't find the keys upstairs so I'll hot wire it." She went over to Jos and helped her stand, wrapping an arm around her back, she helped her towards the stairs.

"That's my car; the keys should be on the floor and remind me to kick Jen and Petry in their asses after I have the baby."

"I'll do it for ya and I'm gonna get Laalaa and Peanut to." Once outside, Remi slid the driver's seat all the way back and still felt as if she was smashed behind the steering wheel, she looked to Jos with a raised eyebrow and saw her grin. "Short person."

"Hey, little cars are for little people." She moaned and closed her eyes with another contraction. "Have any idea where we are in relation to the hospital?"

"Yep, just hold on for me."

"Ohh I will, I just can't wait until we get to the hospital and everyone sees that you don't have any pants on."

Remi looked down, lifted the tail of the button down shirt, swore and shrugged her shoulders. "Ohh well, it's not like the doctors haven't seen a bare ass before."

**************

Peanut came flying up from the stairs, waved her hands and jumped up and down. "They're gone!"

"No shit! The cars gone so that means they're gone and that could only mean that…THE BABY'S COMING!" Laalaa ran over to the phone, juggled it and cussed when it hit the floor with a clatter. She picked it up and dialed Jen and Petry's, as soon as it connected, she yelled. "Hospital…baby's coming!" She hung up the phone, grabbed Peanut by her hand and dragged her out the door and to the van.

*********

Petry looked at the phone after the beeping noise started and then into concerned hazel eyes. I think that was Laalaa, she said hospital and baby's coming…Ohhh shit, Jos's baby!" They ran for the front door and out to their truck, they hoped that they made it to the hospital in time. They were 30 minutes away and with the way traffic was, it would take them longer. Petry looked to her wife and shook her head. "I don't know baby, Jos is gonna kick our asses for all of this."

"No she won't, she'll be mad…maybe. Remember the video tape we watched, I think she's falling for tall dark and extremely buff." She grinned when Petry gave her a narrow eyed look. "But she's no where near as buff as you." She ran her fingertips up the rippling muscles on her wife's forearm and all the way to her flexing bicep.

************

Remi had pulled the car right up to the ER doors; she looked over to see that Jos still had her hands covering her eyes. She had broken every rule of the road on their mad dash to the hospital and poor Jos was still shaking from it. She ran over to the doors, grabbed a wheelchair that was sitting there and pushed it back to the car. After helping Jos into the chair, she started yelling for a nurse as soon as the doors slid open. When eyes turned to her and ignored her, she grabbed the first white lab coated figure, lifted her up so that their eyes met and yelled. "SHE NEEDS A DOCTOR NOW!"

"Calm down Remi, I'm OK just don't kill anybody." She held out a hand to her. "Put the doctor down and come here," When Remi put the terrified doctor down, took Jos's hand and dropped to her knees beside her. "Go park the car and come back in, don't run anybody over or punch anyone OK?" She ran a hand across Remi's cheek and gave her a smile. "I have a while before the baby comes so calm down."

"OK, I'll be right back." She stood up and growled when the doctor touched her arm.

"Remi put some pants on you're distracting the other patients." Remi took the scrub bottoms the doctor was holding out and nodded her head before running back through the doors to the car.

"She's a little excitable isn't she?" The doctor said as she pushed Jos towards an examination room. "How far apart are the contractions and do you have a doctor?"

"About five minutes or so, my water broke about 25 minutes ago and my Doctor's Mel Rosenbloom."

"OK, let me call up to OB for her and I'll have someone get you taken care of." She stopped the wheelchair next to gurney and helped Jos onto it. "I'll send your partner in as soon as she comes back into the ER."

"Ohh she's just a friend…"

"It's OK; I think it's great that you two are so committed that you're having a baby. I'll be right back." She gave Jos a smile and left her with her mouth hanging open.

Jos covered her face with her hands and groaned. "What is Remi gonna think about this, they're gonna think that she's my partner no matter what we say?" She uncovered her face when she heard a cheerful voice come from the doorway, in minutes; the nurse had her in a gown, blood pressure cuff on and was writing up her stats. She was getting worried when Remi hadn't returned from parking the car and was about to ask the nurse when she heard a loud bellow coming from the hallway.

*************

"GET OUTTA MY WAY OR ELSE!" Remi had a nurse held up in the air in front of her and was carrying her down the hallway; she stopped when she heard Jos yell at her and turned her head. "See I wasn't lying, she's right there!"

"Remi put the nurse down and come here; you didn't hurt anyone on the way back in here did you?"

"No that man jumped onto the hood of your car, I didn't run into him." She kneeled on the floor beside the gurney and took Jos's hand in hers. "Are you OK, is the baby coming now?"

"I'm OK; now about the man you supposedly didn't run into, where is he?"

"Ohh he's OK, he shouldn't have jumped out of the back of the ambulance like that. Good thing the gurney's wheels come down all on their own to." Jos groaned and closed her eyes, right then she knew this was going to be one Hell of an experience. She moaned when the next contraction hit and gripped Remi's hand. "I'm going to find a doctor…you're in pain and…"

"Remi, I'm going to be in a lot of pain before this is over with. My doctor should be down here in a couple minutes so relax."

"But Jos…I don't wanna see you hurting…I'll go…" She started to stutter, her breathing became uneven and sweat broke out on her face.

"Remi, take a deep breath and listen to me." She turned her head and cupped Remi's face with one hand. "It's OK; it's just a contraction, one of many more to come. Don't flip out on me, no panic attacks, we can do this."

Remi dropped her head down on Jos's shoulder and took deep breathes, what calmed her were the fingers running through her hair and massaging her neck. "OK, I can do this; I won't flip out or pass out."

A small older woman with short white hair stepped into the room and smiled. "Hey Jos, so it's time for the big event." Dr. Rosenbloom walked into the room and gave Jos a bright grin. "We're going to take you upstairs now and get you settled in."

"Good, there's no way I wanna stay down here. Remi's already scared half the people on this floor." She squeezed Remi's hand and nudged her with her shoulder. "Come on tough stuff we're going upstairs, maybe you can scare some women into giving birth." Jos gave her a smile and nodded to Dr. Rosenbloom. "Remi Winchester, this is my doctor Mel, Mel my friend Remi." Mel smiled and held out her hand to Remi.

"Ohh you must be the half-naked lunatic that I heard about?" Her eyes grew wide when Remi stood up to her full six foot height and shook her hand. "Now I see why you scared half the people, you're so damn tall!" She winked at Jos. "Ya got good taste Jos, now let's get you two upstairs, no baby's born down here if I can help it."

*************

Four women ran towards the ER doors from two different directions, Laalaa and Peanut ran right into Jen and Petry and sent them all sliding across the floor into the ER. They struggled to get up and bounced off each other all the way to the elevators, nurses and patients watched and stayed clear of them. After the problems the tall dark woman had caused earlier, they weren't taking anymore chances that day. Petry growled and smacked Laalaa in her head when she tried to straighten Jen's shirt by way of grabbing her breasts. Peanut leaned back against the doors, snickered, and fell out of the elevator backwards when the door opened on the OB floor. "Serves ya right Peanut." Laalaa growled and stepped over her to go with the others to search for Remi and Jos. "Come on or we'll leave you there." Jen stopped at the nurse's station and asked where they could find Jos and Remi; the nurse looked at her computer screen and gave her a smile.

"They're in delivery right now, I'm not sure how far long she is but I can check for you." She got up and went down the hallway after pointing to the waiting area.

"Come on guys settle down before we get kicked out of here," Jen said and pointed to the row of chairs. "The nurse is checking on Jos so we have to wait a few minutes."

**********

Remi turned and let the nurse tie the surgical gown for her and pulled the mask up over her mouth and nose, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few moments before following the nurses into the delivery room. She hoped that she would be able to hold herself together for Jos, she had no idea what she was supposed to do but would do what she could for Jos. She stepped into the delivery room and felt her pulse start to race; Jos lay on the birthing table with her legs held up by the wings. Her hair was soaked with sweat and the strain from the contractions was showing on her face. She held out a hand and leaned forward with a contraction. "Remi…Jesus!"

"I'm right here…I can do this…Jos what…"

"OK Remi get up there behind her and help her lean forward with the contractions, let her bite, slap, punch, call you names what ever," Mel said with a wicked smirk. "Just no damage to me, I'm a delicate little flower."

"OK Doc and when she hurts me, I'm gonna yell and break everyone's eardrums or pass out from a panic attack."

Jos snarled and squeezed her hand until she saw Remi flinch with pain. "You are not gonna pass out on me!" She fell back into Remi's chest and panted for air in between her contractions. "I'm the only one allowed to…panic here…" She gripped both of Remi's hands and leaned forward with her help with her next contraction, the snarling noise that came from her sent the hairs on Remi's neck on end.

Mel sat down on a stool between Jos's thighs and lifted the sheet up. "OK Jos, we're almost there. You're dilated out to almost nine centimeters, any second now I should be seeing your baby's head. Relax and breathe through your next contraction."

"Easy for you…to say!" She panted and fell back into Remi's chest.

"Hey I did this three times," She gave Jos a wide grin. "I was smart and had a spinal, I hate pain."

Remi gasped and looked down into fiery green eyes. "You're doing this with no drugs?" At Jos's nod, she whimpered and looked to Mel. "Can I have her drugs?" Her breathing started to come in spurts, sweat broke out on her face with her panic attack.

"Remi look at me," Jos wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her head down to her. "Calm down Remi…oohh God…" She leaned forward and pulled Remi's head tighter against her.

"That's it Jos, I see a head down here, you're doing good but ya might wanna let up on Remi, she's turning colors. Pretty colors but its not healthy for her."

**************

The four women paced the waiting room floor passing back and forth in two different directions, they had been told that Jos was giving birth and that their friend Remi was with her. After that news is when they started their pacing, they knew that Remi had caused all kinds of problems when they came into the hospital and just hoped that she wouldn't cause any in the delivery room. Every time the doors snapped open, they all turned and sighed when it wasn't Remi or Jos's doctor. "What is taking so long?" Petry asked and jumped when Peanut stepped in front of her.

"Try squeezing something the size of one of those cantaloupe things through a little tiny hole and tell us why it's taking so long."

"And what do you know about it?" She leaned forward and brought their noses together.

"That's what my mama said when my dad asked her what was taking so long having me…we'll she did describe it as shoving a telephone pole up his ass but it's close ta the same thing." She grinned at the ashen look on Petry's face and shrugged her shoulders. "So how many kids you gonna have?"

"Uhhmm baby…I am not into pain…" She stumbled over, dropped into a chair with a loud groan and pressed her thighs tightly together. She looked up into smiling hazel eyes and whimpered. "Do you really want kids?" Jen sat down on her wife's lap and gave her a gentle kiss; she wrapped her arms around her neck and leaned their foreheads together.

"I never said you had to have the baby, we'll talk about this, later OK?"

"OK, don't know how you can do something like that though."

Laalaa and Peanut snickered to each other and went back to pacing.

***********

"And we have the baby's head out, one more push Jos and the shoulders will be out and you're all done from there." Mel looked up into her patients exhausted face and then into Remi's exhausted blue eyes. It looked as if she was suffering the same amount of pain that Jos was, they were both soaked with sweat and looked as if they would fall over any second. "You want to cut the cord when we're done?"

"Me?" Remi asked and then looked down into half lidded green eyes. "Jos…"

"Do it Remi…here we…Gods!" She screamed out with her contraction and then dropped back into Remi when the pain disappeared.

Mel stood up from her stool and placed the squirming baby on Jos's stomach; she held out a pair of scissors to Remi and smiled. "Here you go Remi, cut your daughters cord?"

Remi looked down to the baby and smiled; she reached out and touched her small head with her fingertips. "A daughter…a little baby girl…" She took the scissors from Mel, snipped the cord and then watched a nurse bundle up the baby and carry her away. "A little girl Jos, a little girl," She wrapped her arms around her and buried her face against her neck. "You did it Jos," She mumbled against her neck and then picked her head up. "I'm so proud of you."

Jos wiped the sweat from Remi's face and gave her a soft smile. "I'm proud of you Remi, thank you." She pulled her head down, placed a lingering kiss on her lips and rested their foreheads together. They stayed that way until Mel told them it was time to get Jos cleaned up and into a room, she took Remi's hand and pulled her unwillingly from the delivery room.

"Come on Remi, let's go get you cleaned up and then I'll take you to see your daughter."

"But she's not my daughter," She said following the small doctor through the doors and into a locker room.

"Now you listen to me Remi, I brought Jostyn into this world, I've watched her grow up and you're the first woman that she has ever kissed in public. She wouldn't let Jen or her own mother in the room when I was examining her during her pregnancy, so you being in that delivery room is a big deal." She handed Remi clean scrubs and pointed to the shower. "That baby is as much yours as it is hers."

"But I've only known her a week!"

Mel crossed her arms over ample breasts and raised a white eyebrow. "So what, I knew my husband two weeks and on the third we got married. Now take a shower and when you're done I'll take you to see your daughter." She slapped her on the back and walked from the locker room. Remi dropped onto a bench and looked down at her booty-covered feet; she ran a hand through her sweat soaked hair and grinned.

"A baby girl, a little baby girl." She took a deep breath and just then realized that she hadn't panicked when she touched the baby, she jumped up, striped out of the hospital garb and got into the shower.

**************

Remi walked into the waiting room and waved at her friends, she nodded her head towards the doors and waved again. "Come on ya wanna see the baby or what?" She led them down the hallway and stopped outside of the nursery window, a huge grin came to her face when she saw baby O'Flannery in her crib. She pointed and wiped tears from her cheeks. "Isn't she beautiful, she looks just like her mama?" She pressed a hand to the glass and felt a hand on her shoulder.

"You're not mad at us are you?" Jen asked and then smiled when she saw the teary eyes. "We saw you guys that night and were hoping if we left you together you might…" She shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

"Make a love connection?" Remi replied and chuckled when Jen blushed. "Come on let's go check on mama, she's probably sleeping but…"

"You guys have slept enough for all of us, boring damn people." Peanut sighed and rubbed at the creases that were still on her face. "I need a face lift, think they can do that here?"

"Serves ya right, spying on us all the time." Remi pulled her into her side and gave her a tight hug. "So you gave Jos the shackle key?'

"Are ya gonna hurt me?" Peanut asked and then sighed when Remi told her no. The five of them walked into Jos's room, Remi walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge and brushed her hair back from her forehead. She smiled when tired green eyes opened and looked up at her.

"The gangs here to make sure you're OK, we just came from seeing the baby. She's beautiful Jos, she looks just like you." She dropped her head down on her chest and cried softly. Jos looked to her friends and offered them a small smile; Jen nodded her head and then signaled for everyone to file out.

"We'll come see you tomorrow, get some sleep Jos and take care of Remi."

"OK Jen, I will and thank you, for everything." When they were alone, she turned to her side and pulled on Remi's arm. "Come up here before you fall on the floor."

"But Jos…you need to rest…I'm OK…,"

"Just humor me and get up here."

"Ya know I become a complete wimp around you." She crawled into the bed and pulled Jos against her body.

"You're not a wimp; you had every nurse and doctor in this hospital hiding." She leaned back and looked into crystal blue eyes, what she saw there made her blood run like lava and her heart pound against her ribs. She leaned forward, brought their lips together in a gentle kiss, and pulled back.

Remi looked to her with half-lidded eyes, her voice a deep purr; she leaned down and whispered against her lips. "That's twice you've kissed me, now it's my turn." She brought their lips together in a lingering kiss that broke when they heard someone clearing their throat. Jos looked to the doorway and blushed when she saw Mel standing there with her daughter.

"Uuuhh huh, just friends," She stopped beside the bed and laid the baby in Jos's arms. "She's been yapping in the nursery and wheeling and dealing with the others for a bottle, so you better feed her before she takes off for the cafeteria." Mel pointed a finger at Remi and then to Jos. "That breast milk is for the nameless one there not you, which reminds me Jos. What's the baby's name so I can get the paper work done?"
"Uhhmm," She looked to Remi and blushed. "Winchester O'Flannery."

"Just friends Remi?" Mel said and laughed all the way out of the room.

"But we are just friends…really…Jos…" She gave up and fell back into the pillow. "How come no one believes me?" She turned and then sat up when Jos moved her gown away so that her baby could nurse.

"Everyone down stairs thinks we're partners," She looked up and saw complete amazement on Remi's face. "They think we're in a committed relationship. You're my sex slave and I keep you chained to the bed for weeks on end. I have a dick and got myself pregnant and I have three breasts."

"It's amazing how a baby knows to nurse from a breast." Remi reached out and ran a fingertip across the baby's ear. "She's beautiful Jos…I just can't believe how small she is."

"I can't believe you haven't heard a word I said." She smiled when Remi lifted her head and looked at her in total confusion.

"Huh…did I miss something?"

"Yeah but don't worry about it." She whispered and pulled Remi to her. "You'll find out soon enough." The kiss they shared was gentle but blood stirring all the same, when they parted; Remi looked into clear green eyes and saw her future there.

"Promise?" She asked in a deep purr.

"Always." Jos shifted in the bed so that she had her head on Remi's shoulder and wrapped both arms around her baby, she sighed and closed her eyes when Remi wrapped them both in her arms. Never before had she felt as safe or complete as she did now, she drifted off to sleep with the last vision of her baby's fingers wrapped around Remi's index finger. A nurse came in a little while later and found the three of them sound asleep, she lifted the baby out of Jos's arms and took her back to the nursery. She nodded to Mel in the hallway and whispered to her. Mel stepped into the room and smiled at the two sleeping woman.

"You may have started out as friends but I see a lot more than that right now." She covered them up, turned off the light and closed the door behind her.

*************

Jos opened her eyes when she felt someone shake her shoulder, she looked around her and saw the nurse holding a wrapped bundle and smiled. Using her elbows to push her self up in the bed, she heard a grunt and snickered. "Sorry Remi," She held out her arms and took her baby. "It's feeding time for baby Winnie." She thanked the nurse, pulled the top of her gown down, and then saw sleepy pale blue eyes watching her. "I'm hungry; wonder when they're gonna feed me?"

"I can go down to the cafeteria and get us some breakfast or…" She looked to the door and grinned. "Just stay right here and eat what they brought." Laalaa and Peanut carried two huge bags with them and then Jen and Petry brought two more.

"We came to feed the army better known as Jostyn." Jen said and leaned over to place a kiss on Jos's cheek then the baby's head. "We didn't want the hospital throwing you out after you wiped out the cafeteria." She ran her fingertips through the sparse blonde hair on the babies head and looked to see Remi watching a small hand pump on Jos's breast. "So what's the baby's first name and don't either one of you say baby?"

Remi gave her a huge toothy grin and answered. "Winnie."

"As in Winnie the Pooh?" Laalaa asked and shrugged her shoulders when Petry shoved her in the shoulder. "Well…"

"As in Winchester O'Flannery," Jos said and gave them all a smile. "What kinda food did ya bring us?"

When a nurse came into the room, Peanut whistled, did squeezing movements with her hands and chased after her. She came back a few minutes later by way of Mel dragging her by her ear. "I found her cornering one of my nurses in the lounge; put her on a chain Laverne." She walked over to the bed, winked at Remi and then checked on Winnie. "Your namesake has an appetite like her mother and you two slept right through two feedings after she was here the first time. Didn't you two get any sleep in the last week?"

"Yeah, but the stress after my water broke and then all work with delivering Winnie wore us out, I've never been that tired before." Remi waved a hand at Mel and pointed to Laalaa.

"How do you know those two?"

"That's easy; those two are accident prone and are here at least twice a month. Ohh and just wait, plan on not sleeping for the next eighteen years or so and then once she's married you get your grandbabies." She laughed at the horrified look on Remi's face and turned to see the same on Petry's. "Have fun girls, it's only just begun."

************

After threatening lives Jos and Winnie were released the next day from the hospital, using the Eclipse, Remi drove her to her apartment. Jos had to practically beat Remi over the head to keep her from carrying them both into her apartment. Once inside, she was forced to sit down on the couch while Remi ran back out to her car and brought in all her bags from Laalaa and Peanuts. Not to mention the bag that Mel gave them at the hospital that was given to new mothers. She was just about to get up when Remi came panting into the apartment and pointed a long finger at her. "Don't you move unless it's absolutely necessary, what can I get or do for you?" She dropped down at Jos feet and placed her hands on her knees.

"Can you go piss for me?" She scooted to the edge of the couch and held Winnie out. "Take Winnie and I'll be back in a minute." Blue eyes shot wide, Remi's breathing hitched and then started to come out in spurts. "Sit down Remi and take a deep breathe, you are going to get over this." Remi sat in the corner of the couch, leaned her head back and took a few deep breathes before looking at Joss. "Now put your arms out and take Winnie."

"Jos…I can't…hold her."

"Bullshit now put your arms out before I stomp on your bare foot." Before Remi could say a word, Jos placed Winnie in her arms and ran to the bathroom. She knew that Remi didn't trust herself with kids but if she showed that she had trust in her, it would help with her phobia. When she was finished in the bathroom, she stood at the edge of the doorway and watched Remi.

******

"I don't know about this Winnie…I'm not good…with babies." She ran a fingertip across a chubby pink cheek and smiled. "Ya know it's been years since I held a baby as small as you, I used to sit all day and rock babies in an old rocking chair. The part I hated were the nasty cloth diapers, I don't care what they say, those throw away ones are better. Who wants to wash nasty diapers?" She used the tail of her shirt to wipe slobber from Winnie's chin and placed a kiss to her small forehead. "You look just like your mama but you have pretty blue eyes, your…"

"Sperm donor had them, one of the reasons he was picked was because he had dark hair and blue eyes." Jos said and sat down beside Remi.

"What all do they tell you about the donors, I have no idea except that they have to have a full STD test?"

"It's like looking at someone's resume, they have everything on their including what school they went to."

Remi wasn't convinced, she knew too many men who just about lied about everything they ever did in their lives. "But what if they lied and the guys a troll or something?"

"They can't, a nurse of doctor takes down all the information." She ran her hand up Remi's arm and smiled at her. "She likes you, she's sleeping." She got up, headed for her kitchen, and came out with her breast pump and empty bottles that she had sterilized the morning before their kidnapping. She chuckled at the dropped jaw look on Remi's face and wiggled the cup that would go over the end of her breast. "In just 30 minutes a day, you to can have a quadruple D cup."

"Just one or can I have two, otherwise I'd walk around with one side lower than the other?" She glanced down at Winnie, pulled the blanket away from her, and opened up the one-piece sleeper she wore. "Still can't believe you're gonna use that thing."

"It's either this thing, nasty formula that I refuse to force my kid to drink, or I learn how to milk my self like a cow." She saw a wicked grin threatening to blossom on Remi's face, she wiggled the cup at her and smiled when she went back to playing with the little bit of hair Winnie had. Pulling her t-shirt over her head, she dropped it on the table and then got up to plug in the small breast pump motor. She dropped back down on her pale blue couch and started to fill the bottles with her milk; she looked to her side and saw Remi watching her with a pained expression. "No it doesn't hurt, it kind of reminds me of a girlfriend I had years ago." She chuckled when blue eyes rolled and she mumbled under her breath. "Well it does, it feels like it's sucking on my nipples."

"Ohhh jeez…did ya have ta tell me that?" Remi covered her face with one hand and moaned. "Now I'll have ta get a breast pump to go along with my vibrator."

**************

Come on mom, it's not like I was all alone at the hospital…" Jos rolled her eyes and flipped the chicken over in the frying pan while she listened to her mom yell at her for not calling when she went into labor. "Mom, Mel was there along with Jen, Petry, Peanut, Laalaa and Remi was in the delivery room with me. I was in labor for four hours, a lot shorter than I thought it would be."

"You had a man in there with you?"

"Mom, now why would I have a man in there with me, Remi is far from being a man."

"I just wanted to make sure you hadn't lost your mind while you were pregnant, I know Jen and Petry but who are the other two."

"Ohh they were our kidnappers, they took us after they robbed the bank where I was cashing my check."

"That's it, I'm coming over right now, you've lost your mind! It must be that…what is that when woman go nuts after delivering? What ever it is you've got it."

"Mom did you take your estrogen pill and all your other drugs today?"

"What the Hell do I need those for, I don't have any plumbing and all the KY-jelly in the world isn't gonna help me when your dad won't take his Viagra. Besides, I'm 67 and my tits swing around my hips. That's from having all you kids, now I'm coming over tomorrow and I wanna meet your girlfriend since you've kept her a secret."

"Mom, she's not my girlfriend…we're just friends and she'll be out looking for a job tomorrow."

"You tell Demi or was it Temi that I want to me her."

"Its Remi mom and you better take your pills before you come over."

"Make me, remember, I'm taller than you!"

"Mom, everyone's taller than me, you starved me and that's why I'm so short."

"You were too slow getting to the kitchen table, I'll see you tomorrow, love you Jos."

"Love you too mom." She sat at the kitchen table chuckling after she hung up with her mom, the woman wasn't right in her head and she had always been that way. It wasn't that she was crazy, she just spoke her mind and didn't give a damn what anyone thought. She was as bad as Jen and Petry when it came to setting her up with women; some of the women that she had found looked like they had just wandered in from a construction site. Which is not saying that woman who work construction are bad, it was the hairy faces that just didn't do it for her. She got up, turned the heat off under the frying pan and went to check on Remi and Winnie. Drying her hands with a dishtowel, she stepped around the couch and sighed. Remi was lying on the floor with Winnie sound asleep on her chest; she took in the hospital scrubs she still wore and her bare feet. With rushing around to get to the hospital, not only did she leave without her pants but boots as well. Slowly dropping to her knees, she lay down beside Remi and rested her head on her shoulder. Rubbing Winnie's back in small circles, she smiled when her small hands gripped at Remi's shirt. "Three days old and ya left me already."

"What can I say must be my tall good looks?" Remi opened one eye, looked down at Winnie, and grinned. "She's a good baby; I fed her one of her bottles while you were on the phone."

"That was mom, she's coming over tomorrow. She's pissed because I didn't call her when I went into labor, I should have done it and screamed over the phone right in the middle of a contraction." She buried her face against Remi's neck and sighed. "She wants to met you; I told her you would be looking for a job tomorrow so you'll be spared the crazy woman."

"Your mom wants to meet me, why?"

"I told her you were in the delivery room with me; I wouldn't let her in for my examinations so…she thinks you're my girlfriend."

"Ya know that's what everyone seems to think." She turned her head and rested it against Jos's. "I'm surprised they don't have us married."

"Remi, they already think that in the hospital."

"Where was I when all this was going on?"

"Running over a paramedic in the parking lot."

"That day is like a complete blur; at least I didn't miss the most important thing. Thank you for letting me be there."

"I couldn't have done it without you, now go put Winnie in her crib and I'll get supper on the table."

***********

Remi placed a soft kiss to a tiny hand and ran her fingertips across Winnie's cheek; she left the room on silent feet and stopped in the living room to watch Jos. At that moment, her heart was so full that it was close to bursting. Running a hand through her hair, she sighed and moved over to lean over the back of the couch. "I'm going to head home and make sure that I haven't been evicted or anything." Jos put her book down on the coffee table and stood up, taking Remi's hand, she pulled her into a tight hug. "Take my car and call me when you get home, that way I won't be worrying that you're sitting out on the curb with all your stuff in garbage bags." She pulled back and grinned up at Remi. "Just no drag racing with my car."

"Are you sure, I could just jog home, it's not that far from here."

"Listen you stubborn bonehead, you don't have any shoes and jogging down the street in scrubs and barefoot will have you in jail as an escaped mental patient."

"Most of the time they wouldn't be too far off, I'll call you when I get there." She leaned down, kissed her gently and pulled her into a hug before letting herself out.

**********

Continued in Part 2

The Athenaeum's Scroll Archive

~ Bumbled Burglary ~
by Larisa

Disclaimer: See Part 1.

Part 2

Remi parked Jos's car in the parking lot of her apartment building, she jogged up to the door and pulled her spare key from its hiding place, opening the door was like opening an oven. She left the door open, went over to the two windows on the living room, and turned the square fans she had there on. Her next mission was to do the same in the other rooms, she had a small air conditioner but it blew more hot air the heater. Shedding out of her scrubs, she dropped them to the floor and went to the small kitchen. She knew that the only thing she had was a couple bottles of water and a wilted head of lettuce. Before she became a hostage, she had planed on grocery shopping, which changed quickly. Her whole life changed in a week's time and for once, it was for the better. Grabbing a bottle of water, she went over to her old couch, dropped down and flipped her TV on. Grabbing the antennae wire that ran under the couch with her toes, she shook it until channel 7 came in clearer than it was. "This sucks, I need to get a real job so that I can afford a new TV and a nice apartment." She put her feet up on the fourth hand coffee table and looked down at her filthy black feet. "Get some new boots and maybe some socks to go with them." She grabbed the newspaper off the couch and flipped to the help wanted ads, after running through half the page, she found something that didn't call for a PHD. Ripping that part of the paper out, she stuck it under a coaster and lay down to catch some sleep. "Gotta buy a bed to, Jos would fall over if she saw how I live."

The next morning, she used Jos's car to drive to the place that was advertising for a job position. Struggling from the small car, she straightened her pale blue button down and used the backs of her calves to polish the toes of her old cowboy boots. Slipping her sunglasses up on top of her head, she walked towards the doors to 84 Lumber. As soon as she walked into the place, she had everyone's attention. It was as if the men had never seen a woman before, she went up to the service desk and had to hold back her grin when all the male employees fell over each other to help her. "Can I speak to your manager; I'm here about the job opening?"

"Back off assholes!" A loud voice yelled behind Remi, she turned and rolled her eyes. "Hey Remi, what can I do for ya?" Petry asked and pointed a finger at one of her employees that was making lewd tongue motions. "Keep it up and I'll turn Jostyn loose on your scaggy ass!" She waved a hand at Remi and pointed to the office in the back. "Come back to my office before I break all their legs, god damn asshole men," After dropping down into her desk chair she asked. "So what brings ya here?"

"I need a job, I haven't checked with my boss but it's a good bet that I'm now unemployed. Besides, I need a job that pays more than six bucks an hour." She dropped down into the other chair and leaned back. "I want an adult job, ya know what I mean?"

"Know anything about lumber, nails, screws, roofing materials or building?"

"Nope, but I can learn."

Petry gave her a toothy smile and slid an application and a W-4 across the top of her desk. "Good you're hired, fill those out and I'll be right back with your uniforms."

"You're hiring me even though I don't know anything…it's not because of Jos is it?"

"Nope, I hate people who come in here and think they know everything. This way I can teach you everything you need to know and it'll be right." She patted Remi on her shoulder and headed out the door.

"Why can't all bosses be like her?" She pulled a pen from her pocket and filled out the forms, once done; she put them in the center of the desk and waited for Petry to come back. When she heard whispers, she turned her head and saw a couple of the men looking at her. "Have a problem I can help you with, like ripping off three small body parts?"

Petry stopped right behind them and growled. "Forget it, she's married and I know you don't want Jos to know you were discussing how you want to fuck her wife?" She grinned at Remi when they took off for other parts of the warehouse. "God damn assholes, I'd like to use a miter saw and cut their dicks off at right angles."

"I knew it; you guys would have us married before we even went out on a date."

Petry handed her the uniforms she was holding and shrugged her shoulders. "Face it Remi, both of them have you wrapped around their little fingers. I give ya six months and you'll be buying a house and getting a dog." She dropped into her chair and grinned at a flustered Remi. "What's the matter tough stuff, two little blondes got ya scared shitless?"

"To say the least, her mom wants to meet me. At least I can tell her that I have a job and can take care of them until Jos gets back to work…what did I just do?"

"You just proved that there's more to your feelings than friendship, don't worry, Jen dragged me kicking and screaming to our joining ceremony. I asked her why we had to go through it after living together for ten years, the answer I got was a good smack up long side the head and a threat to be sleeping on the couch for the next year." Her golden eyes twinkled at a slouching Remi, she handed her a paper and then sat back to enjoy the shocked look that was sure to come across her friends face.

"You're kidding right…I've never made twenty bucks an hour before?"

"Just don't tell any of the assholes out there, they didn't make that until they worked here for a year and made associate. As of right now, that's what you are," She tossed her a three-ringed binder. "Read that, that's everything you need to know to work here and then some, those are my own notes and no one else knows about them." She saw the dark brows wiggle and then bury themselves in shaggy bangs. "I'm grooming you for my assistant manager, now go home, get cleaned up and go get bullied by two little blondes. Tell Jos we'll be over after work to start spoiling that baby."

Remi stood up and reached across the desk to shake Petry's hand. "Thanks Petry, for everything and that includes helping with our kidnapping." She gave her a bright smile and walked from her office. As soon as Petry was alone, she grabbed the phone and called Jen at work.

*************

Remi checked to make sure that the glass pans were packed safe on the floor of Jos's car before pulling away from her apartment. After leaving 84 Lumber, she had stopped off at the grocery store and picked up some food to make for supper. After she started, she noticed how much she was making and groaned. She had enough manicotti to last her for a week, grabbing the phone; she called Jos and told her not to make supper that she was bringing some over. Pulling away from her apartment, she thought long and hard about her feelings for the two small blondes in her life. In such a short time, they had become very important to her and the trust that Jos showed her even knowing her phobia about kids was enough to make her heart swell. She wiped at her tear-filled eyes and sighed, she knew she was lost to them both and couldn't be any happier. "You fell in love with her in less than a week, you know she likes you but does she want more than friendship? A few kisses is nothing, I've kissed and been kissed plenty but it never meant that there was any love." Pulling into the spot in front of Jos's, she wiped her eyes and grabbed the box with their supper in it from the passenger floor. She opened the front door to Jos's and heard Winnie crying, putting the box on the coffee table; she went into Winnies room and found a tired Jos walking back and forth with a cranky baby.

"She's not a happy camper today; she had me up every two hours to eat and hasn't taken a nap today."

"I'll take her for a while so you can relax, suppers on the coffee table." She held her arms out and cuddled Winnie to her chest, holding out her finger; Winnie grabbed it and pulled it to her mouth. "Ya know you're too young to be doing that already but you go ahead and gnaw on my finger." With in seconds, the crying stopped and tear-filled blue eyes gazed up at Remi. She shrugged her shoulders and leaned over to give Jos a lingering kiss. "She has a thing for my fingers."

"Then I guess I'll just have to cut one off for when she gets cranky again." Jos wrapped an arm around her and leaned into her body, I'm so tired and mom's on her way over." She felt Remi stiffen and hugged her tighter. "Don't worry, mom's a little off the wall but she's mostly harmless."

"Ohh great, she doesn't carry a gun does she?"

"Nope, just one of those huge ass purses like all the other blue haired women carry. I think she has a set of Craftsman tools in it, damn thing weighs a ton." Going up on her tiptoes, she pulled Remi down for a quick kiss before heading out of the baby's bedroom. "What's for supper?"

"I made manicotti, a salad and my world famous dressing."

"World famous huh?"

"OK, so it's famous only in my kitchen." She rocked a sleeping Winnie on her way over to the kitchen and sat down at the table to watch Jos. It was then that she saw that she was barefoot and wore a faded pair of Levis and a thread bare t-shirt. A wicked grin came to her face when Jos bent over to get something from under the counter; she tried to erase the grin but got caught.

"What are you doing Remi?"

"Ohh nothing just thinking is all, did I tell you I got a new job?" She adjusted Winnie in her arms and leaned back in the chair. "My boss is cool and it's only the two of us, the rest are a bunch of asshole guys."

Jos placed the dishes on the table along with forks and then grabbed a gallon of milk from the refrigerator. "So where are you gonna work and is it better than the coffee shop?"

"With Petry, she hired me even though I don't know that much about lumber. She gave me her binder so I could learn the ropes so to speak." She narrowed her eyes when Jos's mouth dropped open. "What's wrong?"

"She doesn't let anyone touch that binder…"

"Guess she likes me and I'll warn ya now, if you go in there every guy will run the other way."

"In one day you scared them all, that's got to be a new record." She put a filled plate in front of Remi and then took the seat across from her. "It took Petry two days to scare all of them." She took a bite of food, closed her eyes and moaned. "I'll pay you if you cook for me every night, this is great."

"Ohh I didn't scare them, you did." She gave her a lopsided grin when she stopped mid chew and pointed to her chest. "Petry told them that…we're married and you're gonna kick their asses if they don't behave. She caught a couple of them discussing how they want to fuck me." She shrugged her shoulders and started eating.

"Damn pigs, I'm surprised she didn't kick the shit out of them."

"I think she wants to watch you do it, who knows, could be fun." She struggled to cut her manicotti and watched as her plate was pulled away and Jos started cutting up her food. When she was done, she slid it back over to her. "Thanks mama."

***

"Where's my granddaughter!" Mrs. O'Flannery yelled as she stepped into the apartment and walked through the living room and into the kitchen. She dropped her purse on the floor and the loud thunk made Remi jump in her chair. Taking off a pair of welders goggles, she dropped them on the table and held her arms out to Remi. "Come to granny so she can see what kinda sperm donor your mother picked." She looked into pale blue eyes and gave Remi a once over. "You must be Jos's best kept secret; she hates me getting into her love life so she never tells me anything."

Jos groaned and rolled her eyes at Remi. "Mom that's Remington Winchester, Remi, my mom Clarisse O'Flannery, royal pain in my ass and the worst match maker this side of the world. She's right up there with Jen and Petry."

"Well, it looks like we won't have anything to do now, go ahead and finish eating before it gets cold." She cuddled Winnie to her chest and smiled down at the small wonder in her arms. "What color are her eyes?" She looked up and saw Jos blushing so she turned to Remi. "Don't you dare tell me their green like every other O'Flannery and she better not have an Irish first name, we got enough of those. I can't keep all the Megan's, Maureen's and Kathryn's apart as it is?"

"They're blue ma'am and her names Winchester or Winnie for short."

Clarisse raised a white eyebrow; she looked to Jos and gave her a bright smile. "Same color eyes as Remi and you two are just friends huh?' She laughed at the shocked expressions on their faces and held up a hand. "Mel called me and told me everything that went on during the delivery, so when's my next grandbaby gonna be here?"

"What are you talking about mom?"

"You having another one, I want another basketball team." Remi grinned at a flustered Jos and tilted her head sideways to await her answer.

"Mom, I just went through delivery four days ago and why would I want to get pregnant already jeez?"

"I had all your brothers nine months apart, you came ten years later because the mailman was in prison on drug charges."

Remi's mouth fell open, she looked to Clarisse and then back to see Jos's eyes rolling. "Don't believe a word she said, my brothers and my father is not the mailman. Mom just liked to scare the Hell outta us when we were little."

"Your dad believed me and I keep telling him that I'm having an affair with Mel, senile old fool believes me. He thinks Mel is a man, even with those huge tits. I told him to go get new glasses but he keeps telling me there's nothing wrong with him." She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned like a maniac. "To prove he's blind as a bat and senile, I taped the beeper thing for his keys to his dick one night. The next morning he hit the little remote for his keys and couldn't figure out where the beeping was coming from. Took him all day to figure it out and then asked me why he put it there." Remi started choking, her face turned bright red and sweat formed on her forehead, Jos jumped up and pounded on her back. The entire time, she was glaring at her mom. When a deep ragged breath came from Remi, Jos pulled her to her chest until she was able to breath without gasping.

"You OK, I should have warned you about mom's pranks. She sewed all the fronts closed on my brothers jockey shorts after Tommy got Annie pregnant."

"Kept them from whipping it out and doing anymore sewing of wild oats, if they had good glue back then I would glued their dicks to their legs." When Winnie started to fuss, she stood up, handed her to Jos, and then took her seat. "Are you breast feeding or using that artificial crap that your sister in-laws used?"

"I'm breast feeding her for now, after that I'm gonna do like you did with all of us, she's getting real milk and cereal. Damn weird ass people and all their phony food, I don't believe one word about allergies and what ever else they blame on milk."

"Well, go ahead and feed Winchester and I'll give Remi the third degree."

"Ohh no you're not mom, I can feed her right here, plus you'll scare the Hell outta her and she'll run for the hills." She lifted her t-shirt up and slipped Winnie underneath; she looked to her mom and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I've seen tits before and I have no idea where you got all that damn modesty from, sure as Hell ain't from me. And I know for a fact that Remi's seen your tits, so pull that baby out from under there." Remi got up and helped Jos pull one arm out of her t-shirt and fixed it so that it was out of the way, she then cleared the table and started washing the dishes.

"Remi, I'll do those later. You cooked so I clean up."

"Nah, I'll wash the dishes, that way the cheese doesn't get like concrete." She gave Jos a shy smile and kept on washing the dishes.

"Damn Jos, she cooks and does dishes, your brothers are gonna be pissed. Those damn dummies they married couldn't make instant coffee or find the sink to put the empty cup in."

"Mom taught us all how to cook, she said if we couldn't cook our own meals when we went out on our own, then she was locking the doors. She wasn't running a soup kitchen, so either learn or starve."

"And all my kids can cook, good thing to when they found out their wives couldn't."

"I taught myself," Remi said over her shoulder. "But it's hard when you cook for one; I usually just make simple meals for myself."

"Better start planning them like you're feeding the 1st Marine Division, Jos can out eat them."

***************

Remi was putting Winnie to bed while Jos walked her mom out to her car, she looked down at her bare feet and then up into her mom's light green eyes. "Thanks for coming over mom and when is the party that I know you have planned?"

"On Friday and I will kick someone's ass for blabbing, which one was it?"

Jos grinned and chuckled, her brothers couldn't keep a secret to save their lives. "Every single one of them, you know they're all dense as granite."

"Bring Remi and she can help me," She pulled Jos into a hug and kissed her cheek. "I like her Jos, she's a little quiet and shy but she's a caring woman and she loves Winnie. I never pictured you with a woman that tall though and your brothers will drool over her."

"Just great, there'll be a bunch of crabby men when they get caught and end up sleeping on their couches, glad I don't live close to any of them…"

"Tell them you moved and give 'em Jen and Petry's address." She gave her another hug and climbed behind the wheel of her bright yellow Jeep. "You be sure and tell Remi that she passed my daughter in-law test."

"I will mom, don't speed on the way home, one more ticket and they'll take your license away." She waved to her mom and went back into her apartment to find Remi stretched out on her couch sound asleep. She sat on the edge of the couch at Remi's hip and ran her fingertips across her cheek; her fingers tingled and warmed against the silky skin. "You've won the hearts of three O'Flannery women," She whispered and felt her eyes grow misty and her heart beat rapidly with her words. "You had mine from the first time I looked into your eyes, I want more than your friendship. I want everything, I love you Remington." Using her other hand, she went to wipe the tears from her cheeks and felt warm fingers entwine with hers. She looked down to see misty blue eyes looking up at her and saw her own feelings reflected back.

"You have my heart Jos, and anything else you want." She pulled her down to lie on top of her; and then pulled her head down and poured all of her feelings in to her kiss. Minutes later when it broke, she kissed the tears from Jos cheeks and whispered in her ear. "I love you Jostyn O'Flannery." She hugged her to her body and buried her face in her hair. "You're a bigger chicken than I am; spill your heart when you think I'm sleeping."

"That way you couldn't run from me and disappear into the night."

"I love you but I'm gonna disappear into the night anyway, I have to get up early for work but first I have to jog to the coffee shop to get my car."

"No you don't, you're staying here and I'll drop you off at your car in the morning." She lifted her head and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Come to bed Remi, I'm exhausted and I only have a few hours before Winnie wakes up and wants to eat." She crawled off Remi, took her hand and pulled her up from the couch. "There's a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and there's one of my brothers shirts on the back of the bathroom door.

"Did you have this all planned out?"

"Nope but I was hoping, I missed you last night." She pulled her into her bedroom and flipped on the light. She turned to look into pale blue eyes and smiled. "It felt weird to not fight you for my pillow," She stepped into her body and placed her hands on her chest. "And not hear your grunting when I would steal it back."

"So it's just fighting with me in our sleep that you missed huh?" She grinned wickedly and kissed her quickly. "I can make a whole list of things but it can wait." She went into the bathroom off Jos's bedroom and striped out of her clothes, flipping them over the top of the door, she then started brushing her teeth and felt Jos step up behind her.

Jos had never seen Remi completely naked; she was shocked when she saw long white scars marring the smooth bronze skin of her back. She traced each one with a fingertip followed by a soft kiss. Placing her face against her wide back, she wrapped her arms around her waist and waited for her to finish. "How did you get all those scars?"

"Ohh I got into a fight with one of the boys in school and found out the hard way that the glass doors at the front of the building are not strong. He picked me up and threw me through them." She turned and pulled Jos into her body and felt her shiver. "I spent two weeks lying on my stomach until the sutures healed and the next two months sitting in detention for breaking the star cornerbacks nose and jaw."

"I would have done worse if he put me through the door."

"He did that after I hit him, he shouldn't have grabbed my tit." She smiled and then let Jos get ready for bed. Taking the side of the bed near the bedroom door, Remi rolled onto her side and hugged Jos's pillow to her chest. She had missed waking up wrapped around her in the morning and the sound of Winnie fussing with her first feeding. At the sound of the light switch clicking off, she looked to the door and saw Jos dressed in boxers and a half t-shirt coming towards her.

"Stole my pillow already and my side of the bed," She crawled from the foot of the bed and lay down behind her. "That means when Winnie starts crying, you get to get up."

"I don't mind getting up," She snuggled against Jos's body and rested her head beside hers. "I'll even change her diaper before I bring her in to eat."

***

Petry was standing outside the warehouse when Jos and Remi pulled up close to the doors; she waved and went over to hang inside the passenger window. "We were gonna come over the other night but Jen had cramps, so maybe once the curse is gone we can get together."

"How about Friday at my moms, she's throwing my surprise party. Plus, if you're there, you can help keep my obnoxious brothers away from Remi." Remi gave her a panicked look and felt her jaw drop. "Easy there tough stuff, if you survived mom, my brothers are nothing but big kids."

"I'll bring my old Playboys for them that ought to keep 'em busy for the whole day. Come on Remi, time to go play with the assholes and I'll show ya the computer stuff." She pulled out of the window and wiggled her hand at them. "Come on Jos give her a smooch so she'll be flustered the rest of the day plus it'll piss the peeping assholes off." She nodded her head to where some of the other employees were standing at the warehouse door.

"I would do that no matter if ya told me to or not." Jos leaned across the counsel, pulled Remi over to her and left her breathless and wobbly with her kiss. "I'll bring you guys lunch from China Fortune," She pulled Remi's head over so that she could whisper in her ear. "Love you now go scare the little boys."

"Love you too and bring lots of food, after all the manual labor I'll be doing I'll be starving to death." She reached over the seat and caressed Winnie's cheek before getting out and jogging after Petry. Jos sat and watched as her muscular form disappeared from sight and sighed. The way that Remi moved sent her blood pressure sky rocketing and made certain areas ache with need.

"Just great, just watching her move gets me horny. Not a good thing after having a baby, that area is not up for this." She pulled out of the parking lot and headed over to the newspaper, she wanted to drop in, talk to her boss and see Jen. She pulled her car in front of the newspaper building, got out and pulled Winnie from her car seat. No sooner had she stood up, then Jen was there and taking Winnie from her.

"How you doin baby Winnie?" Jen held her close and placed a kiss to her cheek. "Hope you keep your mommy awake all night long so that she'll have Remi move in with you guys."

"Conspiring against me with my own daughter, next you'll get with my mom, Laalaa and Peanut."

"Ohh we're gonna do that tomorrow, we're having special manacles made for you and Remi." She gave Jos a wide grin and walked into their building. "Please tell me that you're here just to visit and not work."

"Thought I'd come by and then go on maternity leave, get my laptop and do some work in the little bit of time I have before feedings." She sighed when she dropped into her desk chair and spun to face Jen's desk. "I may have to buy a cow, she's draining me to the point that my tits look like one of those African women that ya see in the National Geographic books. Ya know all saggy and hanging to my waist, I may have to get a wet nurse of two with her appetite."

Jen chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her friend. "So she takes after you more than you thought she would huh, just wait until she eats regular food. You and Remi will have to get second jobs just to feed her and be thankful you didn't have a boy."

"So you think Remi is gonna hang around?"

"Hell yeah, she's gone and why am I telling you something you already know?"

"So it's that clear how we feel about each other?" She grinned when Jen's eyes widened. "I thought she was sleeping and I spilled my guts," She picked up a pencil and spun it between her fingers. "I don't know why I was such a chicken shit but it worked out anyway. And this isn't gonna be one of those U-haul relationships, those never last like everyone wants them to. I want to get to know her better and after she sees just how bad I can get during my period, she may take off screaming."

"Ohh Hell Jos, I'm a total monster during that time and Petry hasn't run away yet. OK, so she hides in the basement a lot but she stays in the house." She placed a kiss on a now wide-awake Winnie's forehead and handed her to Jos. "You two spent a week chained together, you with your mood swings and Remi with panic attacks and you both survived. Nothing can be as bad as that, ya know chained to a total stranger."

"That's true and she stayed with me during the delivery even though I almost strangled her and her panic attacks don't seem to happen with Winnie." She told Jen about the kid in the bank and how Remi started to flip out the night that they found out that they weren't being rescued. She got up and waved a hand at Jen. "Come on I have to feed the bottomless pit and I'm not whipping out my tit in the middle of the office."

***

Remi watched as one of the guys she worked with struggled with a bundle of shingles, she shook her head, went over to the stack and threw two up on her shoulder. She snickered when he grunted and was unable to lift more than one; she knew damn well that 160 lbs was a lot for a guy who only weighed a little over a hundred pounds. She tossed them into the back of the pick-up truck and went over to get the last two for the customer. When finished, she pulled her gloves off and gave him a grin. "Ya ain't as tough as ya thought huh?" She knew damn well that she was going to have to prove herself here; it was like any other job that was dominated by men. She thought it was asinine but there was nothing she could do about it, she was accepted or she wasn't. She would have to work harder and do more than any of them for a while but that didn't bother her, she had a good paying job and it was worth it. She turned when she heard Petry yell her name and then grinned like an idiot when she saw Jos step up beside her. Hearing the men moan and groan, she grinned wider. No sooner had she stepped in front of Jos than she was handed a wiggling Winnie. "Sorry Winnie but my hands are dirty so you can't gnaw on my fingers." She leaned down, gave Jos a soft kiss, and then kissed Winnie on her forehead. "Is it lunch time already?"

"Yep, I brought lots of food; Jen's got it all in the office." She looped her arm around Remi's waist and gave her a tight hug. "So how is it so far, is Petry working you like a dog?"

"Hey!" Petry slapped her on her shoulder and shook her head. "I only do that with the lazy assholes, Remi's done ten times the amount of work than they have all week."

"Nope and the days gone by so fast, I guess it's because I've kept busy most of the morning. It's not like the coffee shop where we had slow times or a mad crowd yelling out at me."

********

That night, with her car back, Remi sat in her living room staring up at the ceiling. She was lost and didn't know what to do with herself, she reached under the couch and pulled out a paperback that she had found at the coffee shop a few weeks ago. Flipping to where she had used a matchbook cover for a bookmark, she continued reading the murder mystery. When she had read the same paragraph three times and still had no idea what she had read, she closed the book and dropped in on the floor. Rolling onto her side, she caught sight of the picture on the back. "Holy shit!" She grabbed up the book and looked at Jostyn's picture. "She's a published author, why didn't she tell me?" She grabbed the phone and dialed Jos's phone number, before she could say hello, Remi growled. "How come you never told me you're an author?"

"I have no idea and how did you find out?"

"I'm reading this book and I turned it over and there you were any more surprises I should know about?"

"I'm an exhibitionist and I'm totally naked and standing in front of my living room window?" She grinned when Remi moaned deeply and laughed when she heard the phone drop. "Ya know it feels funny when you press your tits up against the cold glass." She kicked her feet up on the coffee table and snickered at all the moaning and groaning coming over the phone. "So what are you wearing?"

"A lot more than you are, just my luck, you're naked and I'm not there to drool."

"Ohhh believe me, you would not be drooling that's for sure. I have a ways to go before I get my body back in shape; ya know all the baby weight."

"There's not one single thing wrong with you, and the only baby weight I have seen is Winnie herself. If she keeps eating like she has been, she'll be taller than me before she's a year old."

"You mention her and she wakes up," Jos listened for a few seconds and knew that Winnie was not going to fall back to sleep. "Time to feed the little bottomless pit, will you come over tomorrow after work, I'll cook supper?"

"After I run home for a shower, anything you want me to bring?"

"Nope, just you that's all I need is you." She wiped tears from her face and said goodnight to the one person besides her daughter that she felt complete and safe with. She wondered if her hormones were all out of whack because of her body changing after having Winnie. "Calm down Jostyn, everything is gonna go back to normal…well not normal but…stop thinking and go feed the little one."

*******
"Whatcha think Laalaa, will this be OK for Winnie?" Peanut held up a baby sized t-shirt that had 'Got Milk?' across the front. "Got this other one to," Holding up the other t-shirt that had 'Where's my boobs?' on it, "So whatcha think?" Laalaa rolled her eyes and dropped down onto their couch with a grunt.

"I think you're gonna get your ass kicked and I'm gonna enjoy the Hell outta watching."

"What did you get for Winnie?"

"Baby things, ya know stuff to amuse you and Remi." She held out a bag of baby toys and some other things that a mother never seems to have enough of. "Got lots of baby wipes, diapers and some other things."

Peanut snickered and pointed to the large box sitting by the front door. "She won't have to buy diapers for a while, Winnie will be in college and Jos will still have diapers." She dropped down on the couch next to Laalaa and grinned. "We gonna give Remi the t-shirt we had made for her?"

"Once we get to Jos's mom's house, we'll wait until the right moment, hand it to her and hide behind Jos." They had spent hours buying stuff for Winnie and gotten some very strange looks when they picked out clothes for a newborn. The sales lady kept watching them and finally asked them if they needed help with anything. Peanut gave her the once over, grinned and got slapped for asking if she could see the breast pump demonstrated. "Now remember, we have to meet Petry and Jen at the newspaper and follow them to Jos's moms. No side trips or anything that the voices tell you to do, ya got me?"

"Yep, so I'm not gonna tell ya that they said you're a meany and they hope your tits fall off in the middle of the night."

****

Remi had blown off going home for a shower, she had thought about Jos and Winnie all the previous night and the entire day while she worked. As soon as her shift was over, she ran to her car and broke some more rules of the road. She jumped from her car before it came to a complete stop and jogged up to her front door. Without knocking, she opened the door and froze mid step. Jos was lying on her back in the middle of the living room floor, her feet braced, she lifted her hips up and held it for a count of 20. Remi felt her heart slam in her chest and all the blood in her body rush southward, she knew Jos was doing her exercises to get her uterus back where it was supposed to be and strengthen the muscles but it hit her as something sexual. Watching her sent throbbing pulses to her center and made her knees go weak. "Gods have mercy on my sinning soul." She whispered and threw a hand out to keep her from falling to her knees, the noise of her slapping hand brought green eyes her way. "Sorry I scared you, I ahhh…tripped over my big feet."

"Bullshit Remi, I know you were watching me." She got up from the floor and walked over to her; she looked up and placed her hands on her chest. "You didn't go home first; supper won't be ready for another hour or so." She moved into Remi's personal space and pressed against her. "What should we do until then?"

"I'll leave that up to you since I seem to have a one track mind at the moment." She shivered when small hands grabbed her ass and squeezed. "And it's getting deeper in the sludge every second…" A pair of hungry lips cut her off, she felt herself sinking to the floor and then was pushed onto her back. Jos cupped her breasts and rubbed her now aching nipples with her thumbs; she moaned softly and wrapped a long leg over the backs of Jos's. As their tongues dueled, their blood pressures rose, they were losing control quickly. Remi rolled them over to their sides and broke their kiss; she dropped her head down and panted. "We have to…stop…you just had Winnie."

"My brain knows that but tell that to my aching and extremely aroused body, it's been years and you drive me nuts!" Remi lifted her head and stared down into dark green eyes; she groaned and fell over onto her back.

"What does Mel say…I mean when can you…I should just shut up before I dig a giant size hole and can't get out."

"Two weeks if I'm good and do all my exercises, only problem is because I'm breast feeding…I may not have lubrication and I may spray milk and be a little tender in my breasts and other areas." She rolled over to face Remi and whimpered. "This really SUCKS!"

"I know," She caressed Jos's cheek. "We can wait; we'll just take lotsa cold showers and picture disgusting things." She moaned and slapped her hands over her eyes. "It's not working; all I can see is you pressing your tits up against the window, I can't think of anything disgusting!"

"How about Peanut and Laalaa in thongs?"

"EEEWW…that works but will I be able to look them in their faces and not laugh?"

"Doesn't really matter, knowing those two, they'll laugh right along with you." She got up and offered a hand to Remi. "Come on it's time for supper and if I don't do something to keep my mind occupied I'll forget all about what Mel told me."

After supper, Jos fed Winnie and handed her to Remi to take care of while she cleaned up the kitchen and then went in for a shower. It would be the first time in a couple of days that she could take her time without worrying about Winnie. She was able to shave her legs, then soak in the bathtub and relax for a while. The whole time she thought of her and Remi making out on the living room floor and wished that they had met before she got pregnant. "I can wait another week and a half or so, I'll do those damn Kelgel's until I can't move if I have to. I just have to keep my hands and lips to myself, fat chance in that, I want her so bad I ache!" She sunk down into the lavender scented water until it went over her head and stayed there until she needed air.

****

"You know Winnie; I'm in deep shit with your mama." She rocked her and looked down into her bright blue eyes. "Can I hold out for another week and a half or so without going completely insane?" She sat down in the rocker in Winnie's room and started to sing in a clear voice.

Doctors come from distance cities
just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving in what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of God's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation
Newspapers ask
Intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory
Of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders
Of God's own creation
And as far as they see they can offer
No explanation
I believe
Fate smiled destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
"Know this child will be able."
Laughed as my body she lifted
"Know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience and
with faith she'll make her way."

When she felt someone else in the room, she looked up to see Jos watching her with tear filled eyes. She stopped singing, lifted a now sleeping Winnie up from her lap, and placed her in her crib. "What's wrong Jos?" She stepped quietly up to her and pulled her into a soft hug. "Why are you crying?"

"Seeing you sitting there with Winnie and singing her to sleep reminded me of when my mom used to sing to me." She wrapped her arms around Remi's waist and cried into her chest. "Damn hormones," She mumbled and then chuckled lightly. "Maybe mom will give me some of her pills?"

"You'll be OK in a few weeks, you're body went though a lot."

"And I don't wanna go through that again for a few more years and never again in the summer." She lifted her head, wiped the tears from her face and gazed into clear blue eyes that were so much like her daughters. "Will you stay with me…I don't wanna be alone?" Remi took her hand and led her to her bedroom.

"I'll stay anytime you want me to, now get in bed and I'll be back after my shower." She gave her a soft kiss and helped her get into bed before heading to the bathroom.

***

Jos sat at her desk with Jen holding Winnie and trying not to bust out in hysterical laughter, she knew what her friend's problem was and had waited years to see it. With each thump of her forehead, she snickered. "You are one Hell of a mess Jos, are we gonna have to chain you to a wall to keep you from jumping Remi?" She smacked herself in the forehead and then pointed a finger at a grumbling Jos. "That's how this all started isn't it?"

"Go to Hell Jen and yes this is all your fault that I'm having problems controlling myself around that gorgeous, long legged, blue eyed, makes me drool woman." She dropped her head down onto her desk and groaned. "How in the Hell am I gonna keep from ripping her clothes off?"

"Easy, when she comes over, make her strip. No clothes, no ripping them off, no problem."

"Ohh HAAA!" She yelled and narrowed her eyes at a grinning Jen. "Like that's really gonna help me before, seven days, fifteen hours and eleven minutes is up?"

Jen blinked her eyes and then whispered to Winnie. "What is your mother talking about?"

"That's how long I have to behave myself; I even set the clock on the stove to go off then!"

***

Remi sat on the floor in the nail aisle, in front of her was a pan for the weighing scale. One by one, she dropped a twelve-penny nails in the pan and cringed at the sound. "What are you doing?" Petry asked from where she was standing behind her and looking over her shoulder.

"Keeping my mind off certain things that will drive me to insanity, plus, I'm trying to figure out exactly how many nails of each kind make up a pound."

"Ohhh OK, that's important information. That means I can toss the scale away and you can count nails all day," She dropped a hand down on Remi's shoulder and growled in her ear. "What are you running away from?"

"Not running, distracting. I'm trying to distract the reptilian part of my brain with…Gods I wanna nail her!" She threw all the nails she had in her hands in the air and fell back on the floor at Petry's feet. "We almost…ya know, last night but I had to stop her."

"You have more will power than I do," Petry offered her a hand and pulled her up from the floor. "Soooo whatcha gonna do until you two can?"

"I don't knoooow…" She whimpered and rubbed her face with her dirty hands. "Jos said to think of Peanut and Laalaa in thongs, all that did was make me stand in front of my mirror this morning in a thong to see if I looked as hideous as I think they must look and then wonder what Jos would look like in a leather one."

Petry placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a shake. "You're babbling and the only thing I can think of is poker."

"Poker? When I think of poker, I think of strip poker and cheating so Jos ends up naked."

"You be over our house tonight and I'll take your mind off sex, I'll call Peanut and Laalaa and we'll play some poker." She led a whimpering Remi past the other employees and growled. "Get to work or I'll turn a PMSing Jen loose on your asses!"

***

Jen and Jos went in to what Jen called her sunroom; Jos thought it was always hilarious since there were no windows in the small room where Jen worked at her PC. To make up for the lack of natural light, Petry put in strip lighting with grow-lite bulbs. What really made it weird were the chase lounges and round outdoor table with a huge umbrella. Jen handed her a pair of sunglasses and a floppy hat for Winnie before flipping all the lights on. "Now we're all set to just sit, catch some rays and drink phony spring water from the special filter on the kitchen sink faucet."

"You're the weirdest person I know besides Peanut and Laalaa."

"Speaking of them, they're coming over in a little while to play poker with Petry. Should be interesting since Petry's the biggest card cheat that I know and…" She wiggled her brows at Jos. "Remi's coming over to."

"Ohh Jesus Jen, what am I gonna do?"

"Just sit back, feed Winnie and let the kids play poker. Petry has a big bottle of bourbon so they'll be wasted in 30 minutes or so and passed out at the kitchen table."

"If that happens can we do horrible things to them, like shackle the four of them together?"

"Only three of them, if I chain Petry to the other three, they'll get in so much trouble that I'll have to take out a loan to get them out of jail."

"OK, so we'll think of something else." She thought for a few minutes and grinned. "We'll strip 'em down to their underwear and take pictures!"

"Jos, you just want a picture of Remi so you can put it as the background picture on your PC." She tilted her head to the side and grinned when she heard voices coming from the other part of the house. "Sounds like the gangs all here, I better go put their food on the table or Petry will make a huge ass mess. Just relax and I'll be back in a few minutes and don't worry, I won't tell Remi you're back here," She snickered and grinned. "Until she's sloppy drunk, disgusting and can't even think of anything but keeping the room from spinning, can't break Mel's rule that way now can you?" She left Jos sitting there with her eyes closed and a low whimpering that had become her normal sound.

"The woman is sexy as Hell when she's asleep, what makes you think she won't be that way drunk?"

********

When Jen walked into the kitchen all she could do was roll her eyes and squeeze past the motley crew. None of them had changed out of their work uniforms and were still filthy and rough looking. The worst of the four was Remi, her face had grayish and black stripes smeared and her hair looked like she had hung her head out her car window. Peanuts hair was standing on end and cracking with static electricity while Laalaa's was burnt and crispy looking on one side. "What in the Hell happened to you two?" She walked around them and shook her head.

"It's Peanut's fault as usual," Laalaa gave her housemate a glare. "We were rewiring a warehouse and she flipped the damn breakers on while I still had a hold of bare wires."

"Ohh stop complaining, I took them off you and your hairs only a little fried." She raised her hands out on either side of her own head and grinned at the crackling noise and the way her hair followed the movement of her hands. "Kinda cool huh, but I can't get near anything metal. Laalaa's fork stabbed me during lunch and I got stuck to the van door when we were leaving work."

"Dumbass is like a huge magnet, open the drawer with the silverware in it and we're all in trouble." Jen looked to her wife and Remi with a raised eyebrow.

"OK what's with you two and the dirty face Remi?"

"Ohh we were moving some of the older stock from the storage room and playing with nails," Petry replied and then went to the cabinet where she kept the seldom-used bottle of bourbon. "The guys refused to help so we did it all our selves, bad move on their part since I docked them the amount of pay for the hours that we worked." Jen waved a hand at Remi and stepped closer when she didn't blink.

"Are you in there anywhere…earth to Remi, what's with you?"

Remi blinked a few times and took a deep breath through her nose and then sniffed some more. "Jos is here isn't she?"

"And if she is?" Jen asked and crossed her arms over her chest. "She's meditating in my sunroom," She wiggled an eyebrow and gave Remi a lopsided grin. "She's so sexually frustrated that I may have to dump ice water on her head," She watched a dark blush creep up Remi's face and nudged her in the stomach. "Just what I thought, now have a seat, drink some bourbon and play nice or I'll come back in here and kick asses." She placed their food on the table, gave Petry a lingering kiss and was on her way back to the sunroom when she ran into Jos. "Would you believe that Remi sniffed the air and knew that you were here?"

Jos blushed and dropped her eyes down to a sleeping Winnie. "It's something that I've noticed lately, I maybe crazy but I can tell when she's close by. The hair on my arms stands up and my heart slams in my chest." She looked up with twinkling eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "Some kind of Remi radar, what are they doing in there?"

"Getting ready to pig out and play poker, Petry has her bottle out so it shouldn't be long before they're all drunk and stupid." She placed a hand on Jos's shoulder and held her back. "Where ya going and do you really think it's a good idea?"

"If you know where I'm going then why did you ask and I have to." She gave Jen a brief smile and headed towards the kitchen.

***********

"Ohh come on now Remi, what's wrong with having a couple drinks and playing some cards?" Petry waved the bottle in front of her and pointed to the tumbler on the table.

"Nah, it's not a good idea to drink…Jos is here and…"

"Remi's whipped Remi's whipped!" Peanut and Laalaa said in a singsong way.

"Jen lets me drink so I can't see why Jos will have a problem with you drinking." Petry tried again and then jumped when she was kicked in her ass.

"Stop the peer pressure or I'll kick you again." Jos moved around her, bent down, gave Remi a gentle kiss, and then handed Winnie to her. "Maybe she doesn't like to drink, ever thought of that?"

Remi looked up into twinkling green eyes and grinned. "I have a drink every once in a while…it's just that I didn't want you to think I was a drunk."

"Ohh Peanut it's worse than we thought, she's not only whipped but pussy whipped!" Laalaa jumped from her chair and hid behind a snickering Peanut. "Sorry Jos but it's the truth."

"Remi if you want to drink then do it, even if we were married I wouldn't pass judgment on you for having a drink. I'll even hold your head when you puke your guts out." She gave her one more kiss before raiding the refrigerator, getting something to eat and then taking Winnie back to the sunroom. When it was only the four of them left in the kitchen, Remi took the ribbing of her life. She made a promise to herself that she wouldn't get wasted and make a fool out of herself in front f Jos or the others. Three hours later, she was playing solitaire and watching the other three snore like chainsaws. When her mouth went numb, she had stopped drinking bourbon and switched to just Coke, she hated getting drunk and worse, the morning after. She looked up when she heard the shuffle of feet and saw a tired Jos stumbling towards her. "Hey Jos did you fall asleep back there with Jen and Winnie?"

"Yeah, we were relaxing and then next thing I knew I was waking up and Winnie was squirming." She looked around the table and grinned when she saw the other three with their faces stuck to the table top and dead to the world. "Guess they'll be paying for it in the morning," She took a drink from Remi's glass and realized that it was just plain Coke. "You didn't put anything in here?"

"Nope, I stopped after two, I don't like getting drunk or the hangover I usually have the next day. Where's Winnie?"

"She's asleep in the chair in Jen's sunroom; as soon as I get something to drink we'll be heading home. Remember, we have my surprise party to go to tomorrow afternoon."

"Guess I should head on home after I take care of the coma patients here, is Jen awake?"

"Yeah, I'll go get her while you throw Peanut and Laalaa on the floor." She grinned at Remi's dropped jaw and headed out of the kitchen.

"See that I can throw you two on the floor and it'll just be following orders from my boss." With a low moan, she scrubbed her face; she knew she was in deep if she was thinking of Jos that way. She looked up when Jen came into the kitchen and laughed at the drunks. "I can carry Petry to your bedroom if you want or try and wake her up."

"Nah that's OK, she's easy when she's like this." She walked over to her wife, grabbed her ear and pulled her head up off the table. With her other hand, she pulled back an eyelid and then yelled in her ear. "Move your ass or you're sleeping on the kitchen floor!"

"Ya gonna make me go in the kitchen ta sleep?" Petry slurred and blinked her one eye. "Ya'll mean and nasty…" She stopped when she noticed the table in front of her and Remi's blue eyes rolling. "OK never mind…" She stumbled when she got up and used the wall to keep from falling. "Going ta bed…baby…hold my head for me?"

"Would you drop the other two drunks on the couches in the living room; they can sleep it off and not be slobbering on my table. Plus, who wants to look at them during breakfast? Thanks for coming over and c-ya tomorrow." Jen shivered and rubbed her goose flesh covered arms as she walked after her stumbling, slurring wife. After putting Peanut and Laalaa on the couches, Remi waited until a still sleepy Jos came into the kitchen with a fussing Winnie
in her arms. She held out her hands and took the baby and cuddled her against her chest, a broad grin came to her lips when Jos sighed and shook her head.

"You have her for a split second and she calms down, it's just amazing and frustrating at the same time."

"It's amazing that she's the only one who doesn't drive me to panic attacks, now put me near a playground and I'll climb the nearest tree to get away from those ankle biters." She leaned down for a quick kiss and then walked towards the kitchen door. "I'll drive you home…I don't want you driving while your still half asleep."

"You don't have to do that, I'll be fine and…" She gave up when she saw the stubborn look on Remi's face. "OK but you'll have to pick me up tomorrow afternoon." Remi gave her a bright smile and held the door open for her; it was when they got out to her car that Jos noticed the brand new baby seat in the back. She gave Remi a raised eyebrow and smirked. "You bought a car seat for Winnie?"

"Well yeah, that way we don't have to keep taking the other one in and out of your car if I drive us somewhere." She strapped Winnie in the seat and then held the door for Jos to get in. "Should I bring something for the party tomorrow?"

"Nope just you, it's all that I need, mom will have so much food there that we'll end up bringing some of it home with…" She blushed and looked down at her twisting fingers. "I just threw us into the same house didn't I?"

"Yeah ya did but I am at your place more than I'm at my own apartment." She closed the car door and ran around to the other side; she shook her head and then climbed behind the wheel. "To be honest, my apartment sucks and isn't fit for rodents to live in. But now that I have a good paying job I'm gonna look for a better place and I'm even gonna buy a bed." She looked over at Jos and saw her mouth hanging open. "I sleep on my couch…I never thought of buying a bed to sleep in…never had any reason…"

"What did you do if you brought someone home to you know?"

"I never had anyone over to my apartment for sex; I always went to their place so that I could…run away afterward." She felt her face heat up with her admission. "I acted like a guy most of the time; I got what I needed and took off afterward. You're the only one that I ever slept in a bed with." A few minutes later, they were pulling into Jos parking space and getting Winnie from her car seat. Remi carried her while Jos carried in her diaper bag and opened the door for them. She took a deep breath and asked before she lost her nerve.

"Would you consider bringing a spare set of clothes to keep here, you know for when you stay over that way you wouldn't have to run home before going to work?"

"I have clothes in my trunk; I always keep a spare set because I never know what's gonna happen." She carried Winnie into her room and placed her on the changing table. "I got covered in donut batter the one day when the damn mixer blew up, I had to go the whole day looking like I huge dough ball. So after that I put a bag in my trunk for just in case reasons." She knew she was babbling but didn't know why, so she put it down to being tired and letting Jos further into her weird life. After Winnie was changed and had a clean sleeper on, she put her in her crib and turned off the light. When she turned, she found Jos standing in front of her. "She's all set and I should…" Fingers covering her lips stopped any further words.

"Go take a shower and come to bed, it's late and we're both exhausted." She took her hand and led her to the bedroom. "Do you know that you've spent the whole night with a filthy face?" She cast a smile over her shoulder and saw Remi shaking her head. "Yep and no one said a word but I have to admit, even filthy you're still sexy as Hell."

***********

Remi pulled along side the curb in front yard of Jos's parent's house, she looked to the small boy who was pointing to the open spot in the grass with an orange flag. She shrugged her shoulders and pulled in even though she thought it was a bad idea. "This looks like the parking lot for a concert, how many relatives are gonna be here?"

"Knowing my mom, she invited every relative from the surrounding three states. Don't worry, she'll only introduce you once and it'll be all over with." Gathering Winnie's stuff, she waited until Remi had the baby in the front pack she had gotten from Jen, wrapped an arm around her waist, and hugged her. "We don't have to stay all night, a few hours and we can escape."

"Just let me know when you want to leave and we'll get out of here." She let Jos walk in front of her and held back a moan when she saw how tight her Levis were. She let her eyes travel up her body to strong shoulders and noticed for the first time how long her hair was getting. Before it barely touched her collar, now it hung way below it and was close to touching her shoulders. She had the sudden urge to bury her face in the soft hair and inhale the scent of her strawberry shampoo. She took a deep breath, followed Jos around the side of the house, and froze at the huge crowd of people wandering around the back yard. She felt panic taking hold and was about to turn and run until Jos wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Easy there tough stuff, they're just relatives and they will love you." She looked around the crowd of fifty or more and pointed to where their friends were at the far edge of the yard with Mel. "Why don't you take Winnie over to see Mel while I find my mom and dad?" She gave her a quick kiss and started to thread her way through all her relatives, stopping every now and again to say hello and give or get a hug. What seemed like hours later, she found her mom by way of her voice coming over a set of speakers. She shook her head when she saw the microphone in her hand and her dad with his hands covering his ears. "What are you doing mom trying to deafen everyone in one shot?"

"There you are I was wondering if you had made it yet and where's your girlfriend and my granddaughter?" Jos chuckled at all the words that came rushing from her mom in one breath and pointed to the far side of the yard.

"Everyone's over there with Mel," She took her parents hands and led them back through the crowd. "You haven't seen your granddaughter yet dad; I was expecting you to show up on my doorstep."

"I would have to but I couldn't find my car keys and mama wouldn't let me drive her Jeep, she says I drive like a little old woman."

"You do you old buzzard, I walk faster than you drive and with my phlebitis that ain't too fast."

"I'm just a careful driver nothing wrong with that ain't that right Jos?"

"Anything you say dad," She knew her dad drove at the warp speed of fifteen miles an hour and waited days for traffic to disappear from intersections. "Now don't scare Remi, she's a nervous wreck around all these people and if a kid gets near her, she may have a panic attack and run like Hell."

"I may join her," Her dad mumbled and gave one of his sons a terrified smile when he waved at him. "If one more of my sons asks if I want to baby-sit again, I'm moving in to an old ladies home."

"You already live in one, you're just lucky I don't charge you room and board." Mom said and chuckled when Jos gave her a funny look. "What, I'm an old lady ain't I and he lives in my house?"

*************

Mel looked over the tops of everyone's heads and saw Jos's dad, which wasn't that hard since the man was six foot six and towered over everyone. She knew by the look on his face that he was ready to run and hide out in his garage. "There they are," She said and patted Remi on her arm. "Don't worry, Clarisse will only embarrass you half a dozen times and Jos's dad is a quiet guy." She gave Remi a big smile and then walked up to grab Jos. "We need to have a little talk like right now and don't worry about Remi, Jen will save her from your mother."

"Talk about what, there's nothing wrong with Winnie is there?" Mel patted her on her shoulder and gave her a bright smile.

"Ohh she's perfect, the talk we need to have concerns something else. Now let's go in the house where it's not so damn loud or crowded." Jos was ready to mimic one of Remi's panic attacks; she always got worried when Mel wanted to have one of her famous talks. It was worse than when her mom wanted to talk although most of the time her mom didn't make any sense what's so ever. "Ohhh for Christ sakes calm down already," Mel said and closed the back door to the kitchen. "Now grab me a beer and have a seat, my legs are killing me from all the standing and my ears are ringing from your mom and her microphone." Jos grabbed a beer for Mel and a can of Coke for herself before dropping into a chair; she spun the can on the table and looked up with worried green eyes.

"What's wrong, there's got to be something or else you wouldn't…"

"Dam it all to Hell Jos, just stop your babbling and listen to me. There's nothing wrong, what I want to know is how you're doing since I last seen you. Any medical problems, spotting or anything else?"

Jos sighed with relief and gave her a small smile. "No, everything's been fine and I've been doing my exercises and taking those vitamins you gave me."

"Good, then when you get home tonight, jump Remi's bones." She snickered at the wide green eyes and held up a hand. "That poor woman is so on edge that she might explode, it'll do ya both some good just no penetration for you. I know you're probably not hurting but give your body some time to heal all the way."

"Jesus Mel, you had me close to having a coronary. How can you tell that Remi's in that kinda shape?"

"Easy, I stood there and watched her watch you walk away. She had such longing in her blue eyes that I thought she was gonna fall over right there, so I asked her if you two had intercourse yet and when her mouth dropped open and she turned crimson I knew that you two haven't done anything."

Jos dropped her head onto the table and moaned, she knew that Mel would blurt out a question like that right in front of everyone. "I was going to ask you about that today because I wasn't sure," She lifted her head up and rubbed her face. "She's not the only one whose been suffering, I jumped her the other day but she stopped me. She said it was too soon and I should check with you."

"Well now you know my answer and don't worry, your friends didn't hear us talking." She downed her beer and nodded her head towards the door. "Come on let's go rescue everyone before your mom drives them nuts."

When they finally made it to where everyone was, Jos almost fell over. Surrounding Remi were all her nieces and nephews and she wasn't in panic mode, she was actually smiling and running her fingers through one of the smaller kids messy blonde locks. "I can't believe it, she's not hiding in a tree or screaming off in another direction."

"I think it's because those kids are all O'Flannery's and they look like you and no matter what, she loves you and that's changed her. Now go be clingy and stake your claim so your brothers will behave themselves, I saw Johnnie giving her the eye earlier and you know what a dog he is."

"Sure I do and if he lays one finger on her, she'll break all his limbs." She squeezed between two of her eight nieces and stepped up to a beaming Remi. She couldn't believe the change in her and was thankful all the same. "Are you OK, they can be a handful but they're all good kids."

"I'm fine and your mom was right, they all look the same. Blonde hair and green eyes, it's like a cloning project around here."

"I know and the worst part is that we can't keep the right names with the right kid, or who belongs to what set of parents. Winnie will be different, with her blue eyes no one will forget who her moms are." She watched a bright smile come over Remi's face that made her heart skip a beat, she leaned into her body and pulled her head down for soft kisses. She froze with her lips brushing Remi's when she heard a deep voice behind her.

"Damn and I thought she was available, figures the hottest woman here is with my sister."

"How would you like me to tell mom about your roaming dick Johnnie, I'm sure her and your wife of 25 years would just love to take turns cutting off body parts."

"Hey now, I'm just too much man to satisfy just one woman." He gave Remi a huge smile and winked a green eye at her.

"In that case, I have two women that would just love to be satisfied." Remi placed a finger over Jos's lips and waved at Peanut and Laalaa. "Come over here you two, why don't you take Johnnie here and have some fun with him." She wiggled her brows at them and nodded her head towards Johnnie. "Show him what your specialties are, you know, the toys you two like to play with?"

Peanut slapped hands with a grinning Laalaa; they grabbed Johnnie by his hands and dragged him around the back of the house and out to where their van was parked in the front.

"Ohh my God, what did you just do to my brother?" Jos asked and tried not to bust up laughing.

"He thinks he's a stud, so who better to take care of him then those two?" She pulled Jos against her side and whispered in her ear. "They have all kinds of stuff out in their van and he's gonna suffer big time. Speaking of suffering, there's two little hands that keep pumping on me. Winnie's starving and she can't figure out why the well is dry." Jos helped Remi out of the baby pack and then carried Winnie up to the house to feed her, she stopped and saw that a pair of pale blue eyes had followed her the entire way.

"God I love you Remi." She whispered and kissed Winnie's forehead before going inside. She went in to the living room and found her sister in law who was married to Johnnie; she gave her a smile and then dropped down on the couch opposite her. "Couldn't take his shit any more huh?"

"Nope, the rat bastard was hitting on our son's girlfriend. I hope he gets his teeth knocked out one of these days." She slammed the glass of whiskey she held and slumped in the chair. "I'd poison his ass if I thought I could get away with it."

"Well Darla at this very moment he's with two nut cases that will have him praying for death, he might survive and he might not." She gave her a bright smile, got up from the couch and headed to her old bedroom to nurse Winnie. "I hope they do horrible nightmarish type things to you dear asshole brother of mine."

********

"Hey Laalaa is this all the electrical tape we have?" Peanut held up a brand new case of bright yellow tape and waved it in the air.

"Nope, we got some black stuff two," She held up bright yellow wire caps. "Think these will work, ya know big enough?"

"Yep, if not we'll just force them on, glue them if possible." She grabbed a hand full of the caps, a roll of wire and helped Peanut with the cases of tape. "I hope this is what Remi wanted us to do." They crawled out of the van, looked down at a bound, and gagged Johnnie lying in the grass. "To bad we left the shackles and chains at home, good thing we got plenty of wire with us." She looked to her right and saw Petry coming towards them; she grinned and waved her over. "Wanna help us; we thought maybe we'd turn him into one of those lawn jockeys's?"

*********

"I don't know about you Remi but these people are all strange as Hell and I need a beer, let's sneak into the house before one more of her uncles hits on one of us." Jen took Remi's hand and ran with her to the safety of her parent's house; they found Petry, Laalaa and Peanut sitting in the living room with a very amused Darla. Jen knew the second she saw her wife that they had caused a huge problem. "What did you three do this time and do I really want to know?"

"Ohh it was Remi's doing, I just helped a little." Petry gave Jen her puppy dog look and crawled across the floor on her hands and knees. "It's really not that bad and you'll see when we leave tonight." She tapped Remi on her foot and pointed down the hallway. "Jos is in her old bedroom feeding Winnie; we think she might have fallen asleep in there. It's been quite a while since we saw her, ya might wanna check."

Remi looked down the hallway and back at her friends; she shrugged her shoulders and went to find Jos. She stopped outside a door that was partially open and peeked inside; there was Jos asleep on her back with Winnie at her side. Quietly, she stepped into the room and crawled up on the bed to lie beside her to watch her sleep. Her eyes followed the length of her neck down to where her shirt lay open to her waist, running a fingertip across the top of one breast, she leaned down to place a whisper of a kiss on warm skin. "What are you doing Remi?" Jos asked with a sleep-roughened voice.

"Worshipping you," She nuzzled her neck, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her ear lobe between her teeth. "When can we go home?"

"As soon as I get my fill of BBQ ribs and anything else I can fit on my plate," She rolled over careful not to bump Winnie and pressed her body along the length of Remi. "Then we'll tell mom and dad and sneak out of here under the darkness of night."

**********

Remi was still amazed at the amount of food Jos could eat, she not only had two plates already sitting before her but had asked Remi to get her another one filled with home made macaroni and cheese. "Uuhhmm Jos, didn't we stop for hamburgers before we came over here?"

"Yeah but with all the milk I have to produce for Winnie, I have to eat more. But don't worry after these plates are empty, I have a blueberry cheese cake waiting for me in the house." She gave a horrified Remi a quick kiss, wiped the BBQ sauce from her chin and went back to eating like a starved dog. Remi moaned and looked up to see twinkling green eyes of Jos's dad watching her.

"I sure hope you have a good job, you'll need it to feed her and Winnie. She ate more than any of her brothers when they were all still at home and when she moved out our grocery bill was cut in half."

"I think I'll see about buying a cattle farm or at least investing in some shares of the Purdue Company. Maybe get a milk cow for when Winnie stops nursing, I can just run a hose from the cow right to Winnie's high chair."

"Already beat you to the stocks in Purdue and I'll warn ya, I'm barred from every all you can eat restaurant in the surrounding states." She grinned at her dad and Remi and pulled the plate with macaroni and cheese closer to her.

"Well, I'm going to hide in the garage before your brothers find me," he turned to leave and looked over his shoulder. "I haven't seen Johnnie; I hope he's not off with some strange woman again." He shrugged his shoulders and ran for his garage as soon as one of his sons yelled his name.

"He's been running from your brothers all night, why?"

"Because they're all a royal pain in the ass and want dad to teach their sons how to hunt and fish so that they can sit home and watch sports on TV. I told them that it was their job to teach their kids, not mom and dad."

"OK, so are you gonna teach Winnie how to hunt and fish?"

"Of course I am I love to fish. Hunting I don't get into, but I can teach her how to tie fly fishing lures and catch trout." She finished eating and looked up into pale blue eyes. "Do you fish, if not I can teach you?"

"Yeah I fish, I even have my own rod and tackle box."

"Good, we'll go fishing tomorrow if you want. Right now I hear my cheesecake calling me." She handed Winnie to Remi and then got up to head for the kitchen. "Come on, I'll even share some with you."

*******

The entire way back to Jos's, Remi shook, shivered and moaned. Jos had her hands everywhere on her body and in some places that hadn't been touched in years. If not for Winnie being in the back seat, she would have stopped the car and let Jos do anything she wanted. "She's trying to give me an aneurism or a coronary!" She thought to herself when a warm wet tongue slipped into her ear and then teeth nipped at her ear lobe. As soon as the car stopped, Jos grabbed Winnie, ran to the front door and slipped inside. Remi groaned at the wetness between her thighs and struggled to get out of the car; she grabbed the diaper bag and walked stiffly into the house. "I'm a dead woman." She mumbled before slipping into the house and then knew it was true when a half-naked Jos came walking towards her. The diaper bag slipped from her fingers and fell at her feet when Jos dropped the shirt she had been wearing on the floor. She stood stock still when nibble fingers unfastened her Levis, pushed them to floor and then pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it to the side. "Jos…should we…be doing this?" Her head fell back against the door with a thump when warm lips latched onto an aching nipple.

"I'm taking my doctors orders…," She dropped to her knees and helped Remi step out of her shoes and Levis. "She told me to jump your bones." She grinned when Remi moaned and started to slip to the floor. "And that's exactly what I'm gonna do for the next several hours or until when one of us passes out." She stood and pulled Remi back up with her. "But you're not gonna pass out right now or have a panic attack, right now, you're coming with me to our bedroom." She took Remi's larger hand in hers and pulled her behind. When she stopped before her bed, she spun Remi around and shoved her back onto the bed. Climbing up the length of her body, she stopped when she was hovering above her with her knees on either side of her waist. "The only thing and as much as I hate the idea of not doing it is I can't feel your fingers in me." She dropped her head down to take Remi in a hungry kiss that stole her breathe. Remi moaned deeply when Jos lowered herself down and pressed their breasts together, slowly, she moved against her and slipped a muscular thigh against Remi's wet nether lips. She knew that she had caused the abundance of wetness on their way home and it took all of Remi's self-control to get them home without running into something or someone. Nipping at her chin, she moved her way down to nip at the soft flesh above each breast. When Remi moaned and moved up against her, she bit harder until she left red marks and the imprint of her teeth. "When I'm done, you'll be luck to have the energy to breath." Jos said is a raspy voice that sent tingles to the tips of Remi's toes.

She moaned and arched her back when wet lips covered a nipple and sucked gently while fingers squeezed its twin. Every nerve ending in her body was on fire and arcing against each other, shivers ran across her scalp when blunt fingernails scraped across it. Her lips kiss swollen and begging for more as Jos searched every crevice with the tip of her tongue. She wrapped her arms around her lover and pulled her tighter against her body; she pushed her hips upward and ground against Jos's thigh. Deep moans escaped her throat from the contact; she needed more but was denied. Their kiss broke leaving her panting and her head pressing back into the bed. Wet lips kissed and tongue licked its way down the center of her writhing body. She gasped when her naval was speared and then circled without abandon. She grabbed the sheets with one fist and sweat dampened hair with the other. "So wet and swollen." Jos whispered before she licked at the area above her clit. "Lift your knees up for me." She moved so that she was lying between her lover's knees and wrapped one arm around a thigh, looking up, she caught silvery blue eyes watching her and felt her heart stop. "I love you Remi." She dropped her head down and took her first taste of her lover's offering. Moaning deeply, she slipped her tongue deeper and felt her center pulse against her tongue. Licking slowly at first, she pushed Remi closer to the brink and held her there with lingering touches of her fingertips and soft licks. With her free hand, she dragged the backs of her fingernails up the inside of her thigh and felt her thrust harder against her mouth. Spearing her tongue into her center, she drank greedily and felt every muscle in her lover's body tense. She moved her mouth, pulled the sheath back from her clit and stroked the very tip with her tongue while pushing two fingers deep inside her. Pulling them back a little, she searched for the area where she could feel a slight pulse point and stroked it. Remi arched off the bed, screamed out her name and came in a gush of juices. She thrust with each after wave and whimpered from the sucking of her clit. Seconds later, she was yelling again as another stronger orgasm swept her up. Colors flashed behind her eyelids and buzzing erupted in her ears, she could vaguely feeling anything and then life came back into her body from a deep kiss. Small tremors ran through her and settled around her center and the fingers still within her. "I can still feel you quivering around my fingers," Jos whispered against her lips. "I want to feel you come against me." She removed her fingers and positioned herself so that their clits were pressed up against each other. Bracing her hands on Remi's shoulders, she thrust against her and moaned.

"I love you Jos," Remi whispered before capturing her lips and wrapping one leg over her hips. Pushing up against her, she ground their clits together and felt Jos start to tense up. She broke their kiss and watched her lover climax. The howl that came from Jos reminded her of a wolf and the bite of her fingernails sent her over the edge again. They clung to each other and felt the tremors dwindle to just small twinges before Jos lifted her head from Remi's chest. She wiped sweat from Remi's upper lip and cupped her face with one hand. "Make love to me Remi."

*********

Jen tried calling Jos again and all she got was her answering machine, she cast her wife a narrowed look and hung up the phone. "Still no answer, I wonder if they went to Remi's house and I bet she didn't see what you three did to her brother?"

"But baby, Remi said to play with him," she cast a look to Laalaa and Peanut who were spinning in circles watching the ceiling fan blades. "Ain't that right you two trouble making idiots?"

"Huh…oh yeah Remi said to play with Johnnie." Peanut replied and then snickered.

Laalaa slapped hands with her cohort. "I wonder if they got all the electrical tape off him?"

********

"I wish I had thought of this when you were a teenager," Mom said as she walked around her son where he was taped to the light pole in the front yard, she flipped the flashlight on that was taped in his hand and smiled. "I think I'll leave you here until morning, let the neighbors see what a freak you are." He tried to talk but the roll of tape in his mouth made his words garbled. "At least for once we'll know your dick ain't in some whore." She walked back into the house and grinned at her husband. "That'll teach him to mess with his sister's friends."

"Just glad that I didn't piss Remi off, it could have been me out there."

"Don't worry old man; she would never do anything like that to you. You're a harmless old thing unlike our asshole whoring son Johnnie, come on lets go to bed before I come up with something else to do to him."

*********

Remi looked up the length of her lover's body and saw her feverish green eyes watching her. She flicked her tongue across her swollen clit before pulling it between her lips, flicking the tip; she pushed her over the edge. Holding onto her hips, she held her tight and kept sucking until she sent her over the edge again with an ear-piercing scream. When she sunk limply into the mattress and whimpered from the shockwaves still raging through her body, Remi crawled up to hover over her. Leaning down, she licked at the sweat running down between her breasts and then over to a hard nipple. She dragged her tongue across each one and pressed her wet center down into Jos's wet mound. She slowly moved her hips and pressed harder until she grunted with the orgasm that she had been fighting to hold back. She collapsed on top of Jos and then rolled to lie beside her, closing her eyes, she let the waves roll through her body and drifted off to sleep wrapped around her lover. Jos ran her fingers through her wet hair and brushed it back from her high sculptured cheekbone, pressing a kiss to her parted lips, she then whispered. "You're an unbelievable lover and I'm never letting you go." She wrapped her arms around her and joined her in sleep.

*******

Jen looked at the clock on the microwave and sighed, she had been trying to reach Jos all night and now she was worried. She grabbed her car keys and went into the living room to find her wife and their two friends watching WWF. She leaned over Petry kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear that she was going over to check on Jos. "OK, if you need help just call and we'll come over." Jen kissed her one last time before running out the front door and jumping into her car. It was so unlike Jos to not be home at ten o'clock at night or to at least call her to just talk. She sped down the street, made two rights and then a left onto Jos's street. She pulled beside Remi's car and looked up to see lights on. "Alright you guys are home so why aren't you answering the phone?" She jogged up to her door and used her key to unlock the door, the first thing she saw were the clothes on the floor and a whimpering coming from Winnie's room. Walking as quietly as she could, she went in and lifted Winnie from her crib. "Someone must have a dirty diaper on and starving, where's your mama and Remi?" After changing Winnie, she walked into Jos's bedroom and had to cover her mouth to keep her chuckle from waking them. The lingering scent of sex hung in the air and two bodies were still wrapped around each other. "Now I know why no one answered the phone, they were busy." She whispered to Winnie and left the bedroom. "Guess I'll let them sleep and get you a bottle from the refrigerator that is unless mom didn't make you any." She went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle, taking the top off; she placed it in the microwave and stood there. She pulled the bottle out after the beep and made sure that it wasn't too hot. "OK Winnie, if this one doesn't fill you up, I'll have to wake up your mom."

"Jen what are you doing here?" Remi asked with a thick voice and rubbed her bloodshot eyes. Jen turned and knew that her chin was on the floor, her wife was muscular but nowhere near the way that Remi was. And the bronze color of her skin that was every inch of her.

"I called all night and I got worried when no one answered…jeez do ya have to run around naked?"

"No, but I didn't expect to find you in the kitchen either." She gave her a grin and turned for the door. "I'll be back in a minute, if I find my clothes that is." She walked stiffly to the living room and groaned when she bent over to pick up her t-shirt. She had a bit of soreness but knew that it would go away in the next day of two, pants wouldn't feel too good rubbing against her so she just pulled her t-shirt on and went back into the kitchen. "I woke up when I heard you moving around in here."

"And I'm sure if I had been a burglar, I would have dropped over from seeing you bare ass naked." She gave Remi a bright grin and adjusted a hungry Winnie in her arms. "So Mel gave you two the OK?"

Remi turned from grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator and gave Jen a raised eyebrow. "Does everybody know what Jos and Mel talked about?"

"Nope, just me," She blushed and looked down at the empty bottle in her hand. "I talked to Mel before you guys got there, I knew that there was no way in Hell that either one of you could last out the week and a half without losing your minds." She looked up into twinkling blue eyes and smiled. "I knew damn sure that Jos would lose before the night was out, she hasn't dated anyone in years and then with her pregnancy."

"I had no sex life what's so ever." Jos grumbled and dropped down on to Remi's lap. "So it was your idea to talk to Mel, sneaky damn thing. Are ya sure you're not related to me?"

"Quite sure, unless we're twins and I was given up at birth, Winnie's still starving and she doesn't have anymore bottles." She handed her over to Jos and leaned back in the chair. "So now that I know you two aren't shackled in someone's basement, I'm gonna go home, kiss Peanut and Laalaa for getting you two together and drag my wife to bed."

"They're over at your place?" Remi asked and then went back to watching Winnie nurse.

"Yep, they were watching wrestling or something when I left and before I forget, do you know what they did to your brother?"

"Do I want to know what they did to Johnnie?"

"He's now a yard Jockey; they taped him to the light pole in your parent's front yard. What's even better is he's covered in tape except for his nuts and dick and there's a for sale sign hanging around his neck."

"How did they get him taped to the pole to begin with, I can't see Johnnie willingly letting them do that?"

"Easy, they asked him if he wanted to have a threesome and as soon as he had his clothes off; they handcuffed his ass and tied him up. He thought it was gonna be kinky sex and not public humiliation." She got up from her chair and went over to the kitchen door. "Get some sleep you two, ya'll look worn out and I mean that in more ways than one." She laughed all the way out the front door and to her car; she pumped a fist in the air and looked up at the stars. "We did good didn't we?" She had no idea who she was asking but that was OK, she knew deep in her heart that Remi and Jos belonged together.

**********

Remi dropped her head down to rest on Jos's shoulder; she closed her eyes and listened to the noises Winnie made as she nursed. A grin came across her face when the sounds reminded her of something else.

"Stop that."

"Huh…stop what?" She asked and nuzzled Jos's neck.

"Thinking what you're thinking," She yawned and leaned back against her lover's chest. "If I wasn't so exhausted right now, I'd take you back in the bedroom and let you do what you were thinking about."

"I maybe able to think it but beyond that I know I'd fall asleep, let's go put Winnie to bed and turn in. We have about three hours before one of us has to get up again." She lifted Jos up in her arms and carried her and a sleeping Winnie to her room; she put her lover back on her feet and took Winnie from her arms. "Time for bed little one and please give us at least three hours of sleep." She placed a kiss on a small hand and then took Jos's and led her back to their room. Before their heads hit their pillows, they were sound asleep in each other's arms.

********

"Peanut clamped her hands over her ears and started humming loudly; she added tap dancing to add to the noise to drown out the voice yelling in her head. "I'm not listening…I'm not listening…go bother Laalaa!"

"Will you stop already!" Laalaa yelled from her bedroom. "I'm trying to sleep but I can't because of that horrible damn noise you're making in there!" She wandered out and slapped a dancing Peanut in her head. "I'm gonna knock your stupid ass out in two seconds!"

"Good, do it quick so I don't have ta listen to our boss yelling at me." She stopped, raised her chin and tapped it with a fingertip. "Hit me right here and make it really hard."

Laalaa threw her arms in the air and went back to her room mumbling under her breath, sometimes she wondered how she had been stuck with such a weirdo for all of eternity. "Come on, did I really screw up that bad that I'm stuck with her?" She jumped when lightning flashed outside her bedroom window. "Ohh OK, so I did fuck up…quite often but it was her fault not mine!" She dropped into bed and pulled her pillow over the top of her head to drown out Peanuts horrible singing voice.

********

Jos placed a sleeping Winnie on her lover's chest and got up to start breakfast; she was still exhausted and knew that one of them should get some more sleep. She would catch a nap later when Remi was up and would take care of Winnie. She grabbed Remi's t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over her head; she brought the neck up to her nose and picked up the scent of her lover. With a goofy grin on her face, she stumbled into the kitchen and pulled items from the refrigerator. "Gotta call mom and see if Johnnie's still taped to the light post." She started frying eggs and heard the newspaper hit her front door. Leaving the eggs to cook, she went for the newspaper. Flipping it open on her way back to the kitchen, she stopped and stared at the picture on the front page. "Ohh my fucking God, Johnnie's on the front page!" She ran for the phone and dialed her parent's number. "Mom have you seen the newspaper yet?"

"Sure have and I'm putting Johnnie's picture in a frame right now."

"You're not…Ohh yeah you would," She snickered. "What's Darla have to say about all of this?"

"Well, she showed up this morning with divorce papers and made him sign them before we cut him loose."

"Good for her, she should have gotten rid of him years ago. I hope she takes him for everything he's got."

"Ohh she is and then some, she had in the papers that she gets the house and he gets to keep his so called secret apartment that he didn't know that we all knew about." She said something to her husband and then came back on the line. "Your dad said he really likes Remi and he hopes you two stay together."

"Dad said that, he didn't talk to her all that much yesterday."

"Well after everyone left last night, she's the only one he talked about. So if dad remembers her then she's made quite an impression. So did you jump her bones last night?"

"Mom you talked to Mel didn't you?" She rolled her eyes at her mother's laughter.

"Of course I did, she's my gossip monger and lets me know about everything. So did you?"

"I'm not telling you, so you'll just have to suffer."

"I won't be suffering one little bit; I already talked to Jen this morning so there. Now go finish fixing breakfast for your lover and I'll talk to ya later." She hung up before Jos could say a word, she swore that the second she put on underwear, everyone knew what color they were. "Just un-fucking-believable, I wonder if they know how many times I screamed last night."

"If not I'm sure they will by noon." Remi stepped up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"Why aren't you still sleeping?"

"I smelled food cooking and heard you talking to your mom; I put Winnie back in her crib. She was doing those little leg lift things while she was laying on my chest, kinda reminded me of when she was kicking inside of you." She nuzzled Jos's neck and placed a soft kiss beneath her ear. "What did mom have to say?"

"Ohh that she knew what we did when we got home and that Darla is divorcing Johnnie." She pointed to the newspaper and grinned at her lover's chuckle. "Quite a good picture, they didn't even blot out his tiny little dick."

"Probably because it's so small that not many people would notice it," She read the article and smirked. "It says here that it was a case of kinky sex gone bad, if they only knew!" She dropped the paper on the table and leaned back against the counter to watch Jos cook. "So what are we doing today?"

"Well, I thought about fishing but I'd love to just stay home and cuddle with you on the couch." She looked up, smiled brightly at her lover and winked. "Maybe fool around a little and take naps in between feeding Winnie."

"What ever you want is fine with me," She gave her a lingering kiss before pushing away from the counter. "I'm gonna go take a shower and check on the little eating machine." She went back into the bedroom after picking her Levis up off the floor; she reached into the pocket for her wallet and flipped it open to a small pocket inside. She gazed at what was there and sighed before closing it again. "Is it too soon for us…should I ask her or wait a while to see what happens?" She sighed again and went to check on Winnie before going in for a much-needed shower. What she didn't see was Jos standing at the kitchen doorway listening to what she was saying to herself.

"What ever the question was, I would say yes." She wiped a tear from her cheek and went back into the kitchen to finish their breakfast.

After breakfast and feeding Winnie, they lay on the floor in front of the TV with Winnie lying on a blanket next to them. Jos had been waiting all morning for Remi to break the weird mood that she had slipped into. She was pensive and off in another world and it was driving Jos nuts. Finally, she rolled Remi over, pulled her wallet from her pocket and tried to find what she had seen her looking at earlier that morning. Remi started to panic, her breath came out in pants and she grabbed at her chest. "Please don't look in there." She tried to grab her wallet but was too slow.

"What do you have in here, dirty pictures of past girlfriends?" She found the small pocket and pulled an antique filigree ring out. "Is this what you're hiding from me?" She looked at the beautiful detail and looked into terrified silvery blue eyes. "It's beautiful Remi, where did you get it?"

"It's the only thing that I think belonged to my mother, when they found me in the church that was tied to the string on my hat."

"You said you were an orphan but you never said that you were left in a church." She cupped the side of her lover's face and pulled her in for a soft kiss.

"Either way, I was an orphan. That ring is the only thing besides a note with instructions to name me Remington Renee' Winchester and the day I was born." Jos felt tears running down her cheeks; she couldn't understand how a mother could just leave her child.

"I heard you talking to yourself this morning, what ever it is I would say yes." She watched Remi's eyes fill with tears and then run down across her cheeks, she reached out and wiped them away with her fingertips and waited for her to say something.

"Would you think me totally insane if I asked you to marry me? I know it's only been…"

"No, yes, and it's been long enough that I know I couldn't live without you." She sobbed when Remi slipped the ring on to her finger and hugged her tightly.

"I'll love you for eternity." She whispered close to her ear and sealed her promise with a loving kiss. "Are we gonna tell your parents or wait for the gossip vine to get to them?"

"Let the gossip vine tell them, I have other plans for us." She pulled a pacifier from her pocket, put it in Winnie's mouth and rolled them to a safe distance away from her. What they did in between feedings was exhausting but soul binding at the same time. Hours later, Jos placed a sleeping Winnie on Remi's chest and went to answer the pounding on her front door. When she pulled it open, she found a grinning Laalaa and Peanut on the doorstep.

"I think she's crazy but Peanut says that we had to come over here and congratulate you guys." She saw the paleness creep over Jos's face, she reached out and grabbed her as she sunk to the floor. "Ohh damn, you're right again aren't you?"

"Of course I am the voices never lie. Well, at least the big boss's voice doesn't." She helped Laalaa carry a stricken Jos into the living room and sat her on the couch. "I'll go get her a glass of water and maybe an ice bag or something, you wake up Remi."

"Why me, I can get water to ya know."

"I know but I've been hit too much in the last month so it's your turn to get pummeled." She grinned and ran for the kitchen before Laalaa could argue with her.

She shook Remi's shoulder and jumped when blue eyes popped open and glared into hers. "Uhhmm…Remi we have a slight problem here, sorry but Jos is…she's…look at her." She pointed to a semi comatose Jos and moved out of Remi's way.

"Take Winnie and what did you do to her?" She cupped Jos's face between her hands and looked into her unblinking eyes.

"Just congratulated her is all and then she almost fell on the floor."

"What are you talking about?" She took the glass of water from Peanut and tried to get Jos to sip from it.

"Ya know you gave her that ring that you've carried in your wallet all these years." She pointed to the ring on Jos's finger and grinned. "That one right there, the one that belonged to your grandma." Peanut started to wave her hands at Remi and pleaded. "Ohh no don't you dare pass out on us, I can't deal with passed out peoples right now." She grabbed the glass of water from her hand and poured it over her head. "Ohh shit, I'm a dead woman!" She ran behind Laalaa and peeked over her shoulder. Remi shook her head and glared at her two idiot friends.

"You looked in my wallet and that ring belonged to my mother not my grandma."

Peanut shook her head. "Ohh nononono that belonged to your grandma, your mom stole it but couldn't pawn it." She pointed at Jos and waved her hand at her. "Wake her up; throw ice down her shirt or something!"

"Don't you dare or I'll make you pay dearly for it and what is she babbling about and how the Hell did they know?" She turned her head and shot them both evil looks. "Were you two spying on us again?"

"Nope, I told you, Peanut heard it from the voices or voice. I told you she's nuts, she kept me up all night with her singing to drown the voices out. So as soon as she went ballistic and bounced off the walls, we came over here."

"Ohh for Gods sakes!" Peanut threw her hands in the air and ran over to the door to throw it open. "Thank the Goddess that you're here, they don't believe a word I'm saying so you can tell them." She pulled a tall ditzy woman with long curly wild blond hair into the house and pushed her towards Remi and Jos.

"Will you stop with the pawing before I rip your arms off and beat you to death? Ya know you pulled me away from a women's basketball game and I had dibs on the center!" She gave Remi and Jos a bright smile and nodded her head. "Believe what ever they told you, even if Laverne here ignores me when I'm trying to tell her something!" She pointed a finger at her and snickered when her hair stood straight up on end. "Those two blockheads are lucky, if they hadn't done their job, I was sending them to Russia to work for the next 100 years or so." She shivered and rubbed her hands across her silk covered arms. "Ever seen a Russian woman, let me tell ya, they have hair everywhere!"

Jos waved her hands in the air. "Hold on just one damn minute, who are you and who are they…really?"

"Ohh I'm the Goddess of the matchmakers and those two are my slaves," She looked at her watch and sighed. "If I make it quick, I may be able to catch at least one of those women. Just listen to your hearts and you can't go wrong, gotta jet!" She snapped her fingers and was gone in a flash of pink sparkles.

"I hate when she does that, Peanut do that snappy thing on them. You know like in the movie Men in Black."

"Ohh goody, I like doing that!" She pulled dark sunglasses from her pocket slipped them on and was about to snap her fingers when Remi tackled her."

"You ain't doin nothin ta us, now who was that and where did she go?"

"That was our boss and she just pops in and out when ever she wants to. Now watch this neat little trick I learned." She snapped her fingers and grunted when Remi fell with all of her weight onto her chest.

"Ohh good, I get to do the rest!" Laalaa clapped her hands and did a little dance around the passed out couple. "You won't remember our boss lady here, you'll think we're the greatest women on the planet, you'll love each other for all of eternity and make us a bitchin lunch!" She snapped her fingers and watched Remi and Jos wake up. Hi guys, we're here for lunch, what're havin?" Remi rose up on her hands and looked at a grinning Peanut and then over to Jos who was rubbing her eyes.

"Why am I on top of you?"

"Ohh that's easy, you got up off the couch and had a head rush. I tried ta catch ya but you're too damn big." She fluttered her eyelashes at her. "So what's for lunch?"

*******

After Jos and Remi made a huge lunch big enough to feed a small nation, they loaded up Winnie and drove over to Remi's apartment. She had warned Jos that the place was horrible and that she didn't really own anything. All that she really had were clothes, a small TV and a microwave; the rest came with the apartment. She tried to explain that with a job that only paid six dollars an hour and after paying the rent, she didn't have a lot of money left over. Her diet consisted of eating stale pastries and chicken potpies. She dropped her head as she unlocked the door and held it for Jos to enter. She waited for her to blow a head gasket over what the place looked like but when nothing happened, she made sure that she wasn't in shock. "It's a really shitty place…ain't it?"

"Will you be penalized when you break your lease?"

"No, I pay month to month; I was always hoping to get a better job so that I could get a better place to live. If it wasn't for knowing Petry, and everything else that's happened, I'd still be making donuts." She wrapped her arms around Jos from behind and rested her chin on her shoulder. "Now you see why I never asked you over here, besides being a dump, there's no air conditioning."

"Remi, I've seen worse, I've lived in worse. I don't judge people by the size of their apartment or their wallet. So do you have a suitcase or something we can throw your clothes in?"

"I've got an old sea bag and garbage bags, if you pack my clothes, I'll take the microwave and TV down to my car. They're not the greatest but I can take the microwave into work, that way we'll have two there to use." She gave Jos a deep kiss before getting the sea bag for her and taking the TV down to her car. They had talked it over and decided to wait a while before looking for a larger house; Jos wanted something out in the country and a big yard where she could plant a garden. Remi didn't care as long as they were together and it was a safe place for Winnie to play when she got older. She put the TV in the trunk of her car and ran up the stairs to get the microwave and then help Jos pack up the few clothes that she had. She knew as soon as she saw some of her t-shirts, she would toss them out. A huge grin split her face when she looked down at the pale blue t-shirt that Peanut and Laalaa had given her. In bold black letters it read 'Martinsburg Correctional Center' across the back and on the front it said 'Warden's Toy' Jos's shirt had the same across the back but the word Warden on the front. Before she could leave her apartment, she heard Jos yell her full name and knew she was in deep shit. She may have never had a mother but she knew from other people that it was a common practice for full names to be used when you had been caught doing something or not doing something. She slowly crept towards her bedroom and peeked around the door jam, she sighed when she saw Jos holding on to a pair of black leather pants.

"You wanted me for something?" She said in a quiet voice and flinched when Jos waved the pants at her.

"How come I've never seen you in these?"

"I don't know; guess I never thought about it. Why?"

"Because I have this thing for leather," She raised an eyebrow and purred. "I want to see you in these, like right now."

"Now…you want me to put them on right now?" She took the pants in her hand, unfastened her worn Levis and let them drop to the floor. After slipping into her leather pants and turning in a circle for Jos, it looked like the little woman had an adrenaline rush. Her remaining clothes were stuffed into the duffel bag, it was thrown into her arms and she was dragged from the bedroom. "What's the rush?" She slammed on her brakes, flung her duffle strap over her shoulder and grabbed the microwave.

"You're in tight ass leather pants and I wanna get you out of them!"

"Then why did you…Ohhh I got it, I'm a little slow today after passing out." She rubbed her face with a hand and tried to figure out all that had happened before Peanut and Laalaa showed up. "Must be low blood sugar and maybe amnesia."

"Once we get home, you can add exhaustion to your list." Jos held the door for her and then locked it after them, working the key off the ring; she slipped it under the door that had a manager's sign on it. "Call him tomorrow and tell him you moved out." She rushed Remi out the door with a deep purring sound. "Ohh you are in for it when we get home!" She grabbed her ass and squeezed as Remi bent over the trunk to put her stuff in.

**********

"Ohhh no, look at this list boss lady gave us!" Laalaa handed Peanut a list with a dozen names on it.

"What are we supposed ta do with them," She looked at the last names and up to Laalaa. "Aren't these peoples already married, they all got the…" She clapped her hands over her ears and grimaced. "EEWWWWW…boss lady just told me that she wants us ta break up their dating, those idiots are all brothers, sisters or cousins and they're dating each other!"

"And it's all your fault, if you hadn't been singing that damn song about West Virginia; we could be living in California hooking up movie stars instead of dealing with incest practices!"

"I like that song, isn't my fault boss lady hates it. Besides, look at all the good we did, we got Remi and Jos together."

"Yeah but whose idea was it to rob the bank to accomplish it?"

Peanut ran and hid on the other side of the couch; she looked all around their living room for an excuse to not answer and found Laalaa right in her face when she turned back. "OK, that was my idea, boss lady didn't have anything ta do with it, I wanted ta see that tellers tits!"

"Damn pervert, what would you have done if we had got caught and put in jail?"

"Made love connections for all the other prisoners, might've gotten ya a date!"

********

Jos groaned when she heard pounding on the front door, she stepped over a sleeping Remi, grabbed her discarded shirt off the floor and pulled it on before opening the door. She rolled her eyes when her mom turned her head and looked at her through a pair of motorcycle goggles. "Nice hat mom, knock over the red baron on the way here?" She pointed to the leather WWII flight hat she wore.

"I got the top off my Jeep and this keeps my hair from blowing all over the place, where's my grandbaby?"

"In her bed taking a nap, so what brings ya here mom?"

"Ohh I came over ta give ya these tickets and this." She handed Jos a thick wide gold wedding band.

"What's this for…Ohh don't tell me, the grape vine got to ya?"

"Of course it did, Jen called me about twenty minutes ago and told me all about it. So let me see this ring," She grabbed her daughter's hand and eyeballed the ring by putting her finger right up to the lens of her goggles. "Kinda blurry, what's it look like?"

"Mom, take your goggles off, how can you see to drive if they're blurry?"

"I only hit a couple garbage cans on the way over, still better than your dad, he ran over your brother the other day." She slid her goggles up and jumped when she noticed Remi laying on the floor with a shredded t-shirt, no pants and one sock still on. "What did you do to her; she looks like your brother after we pulled him out from under your dad's car?"

"Two words mom, leather pants. Let's go in the kitchen, I need some coffee." She looked at the ring her mom had given her and smiled; she recognized her grandpa's ring and knew that her brothers would be pissed when they found out that she had gotten it. They had all thought that when they got married that one of them would have been given the ring. "Ohh I can't wait to tell all of them, especially Johnnie." She then looked at the tickets, stopped dead in her tracks and turned to her mom. "These tickets are for Bermuda…in two days!"

"Yep, it's from me and your dad, ya know for a honeymoon. I'll take care of Winnie and you guys can go scare the beach dwelling animals."

"But mom, I can't leave Winnie, she's…" Her eyes grew wide when she saw her mom wave a third ticket at her. "I'm going with ya; I got my own little bungalow at the opposite end from you and Remi. While you're out having a good time, me and Winnie are gonna sit on the beach and look at all those men in those tiny little Speedo's." Jos looked up when she heard Remi groaning and snickered at her disheveled hair and torn t-shirt.

"I'm hungry Jos, hi mom…Ohh Hell!" She turned to run but found her hand grabbed by Jos.

"Mom's already seen you all sprawled out on the floor," She handed her the tickets and waited for her to say something. "Well, what do ya think?"

Her eyes widened when she saw their destination. "Bermuda…we're going to Bermuda?"

"Yep, it's from mom and dad for our honeymoon." She pulled Remi into her body and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Mom's going with us to take care of Winnie while we're exploring."

Remi gave her a soft kiss and then looked over to her mom. "Thank you and thank you for going with us, I know that neither one of us could go and enjoy ourselves because we would worry about Winnie."

"No problem, that's why I'm going. I couldn't leave any of my kids after they were born and I wouldn't expect you two to do it either. I hired Peanut and Laalaa ta take care of your dad while we're gone." She gave them a toothy grin when they gasped. "They're gonna make sure that none of your brothers bother him, I bought them a case of electrical tape just in case they need it."

***********

"Ohh Winnie you have no idea what you're missing!" Mom whispered and put her binoculars back up to her eyes. "I can see his PULSE!" She flipped her huge straw hat with flowers all over it back so that she could spy on all the men playing volleyball. She took a quick glance down at her granddaughter, adjusted her sunglasses and the umbrella that shaded her before going back to Speedo Spying. "Ohhh buddy, how did you get that monster in there?"

"Mom that is beyond gross and disgusting," Jos said and then sat down beside her daughter. "So how many phone numbers did you collect for Darla?" Remi lifted up a coffee can and looked inside.

"I'd say Darla can have a date with a different man every night for the next ten years or so." She looked down and saw the hungry look in her wife's eyes. "But she'll never beat what I have in a million years." Her eyes traveled down across Jos's jade green string bikini top to her ripped abs. "She'll never do it." She repeated in a soft purring voice.

"You two have ta stay right here with me, look at all the men gawking at ya!" She grabbed the coffee can and waved. "Come on boys, they want your phone numbers!" Mom yelled and then pointed to Remi in her black thong. "Look at the body on her would ya; I told ya they were hotties!"

"Ohh shit, mom, whose picture have you been showing these horn dogs?" She grabbed her mom's huge ass purse and started digging through it. "Remi run, mom's been showing our pictures!" She took the pictures, grabbed Remi's hand and they ran towards their bungalow. "I can't believe she did that!" They flung the door open, slipped inside and locked it. Remi grinned down at Jos and shrugged her shoulders.

"At least we have an excuse to not answer the door until it's time to feed Winnie." Jos took her hand, placed a kiss on the gold wedding band, and then winked.

"After what we did on the beach earlier I think everyone would prefer that we stay in here anyway." She pulled the string loose on Remi's bikini and let it fall around her hips. "Ya know we got your top on inside out."

"I'm just glad that we found yours…" Her words were cut off by a deep consuming kiss; the only words for the rest of the afternoon were muttered declarations of love.

********

"Jos only got some of the pictures; I still go some in my pocket." Ma pulled them out, taped them to a piece of cardboard and propped it up in back of the coffee can. "Maybe I should change the sign, what do ya think Winnie, does nymphomaniac twins make them sound too cheap?"

The End
Bumbled Burglary
By Larisa
Hecate3366@frontiernet.net

The Athenaeum's Scroll Archive

Table of Contents

Part 1