The temple was very old with trees and brush just about burying it from the human eye. If not for the strong winds uprooting several trees around it, Xena would not have found it. The storm was close and the howling winds were lashing at the half rotten doors of the temple, slamming them against the crumbling walls. At this point Xena didn't care, they needed shelter quick! She was worried that the winds would blow her and her friends off the mountaintop, fighting Mother Nature, she pulled Argo through the temple doors then grabbed the rope that was tied to Argo's saddle and everyone else, she used her remaining strength to pull them to the safety of the temple. Brie struggled against the wind even with Xe pulling she had a hard time walking, finally making it through the doors she dropped to her knees, breathing hard as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Once everyone was inside Xe slammed the doors closed and barred them. Eph, Poni and Brie lay on the dirt covered floor exhausted, Poni looked up to Xe with tearing bloodshot eyes.

"All right who'd ya piss off this time?"

Xe bent over and came nose to nose with her friend. "Why's it always got to be me that pisses them off? Maybe it was you this time, either way we're stuck!"

They heard pounding and a high-pitched wail outside the door, Xe started to hum loudly then broke out in a raunchy tavern song. Seeing Brie move towards the door she did a couple flips and landed in front of her blocking the door like a big X, she continued to sing louder to cover the wailing.

"Xe what are you doing?" Brie asked.

"I'm singing what's it look like?" Tossing her head back, she bellowed out the lyrics of another song. "You do the hooky pokie and turn yourself around!" Spinning Brie away from the door, she gave pleading looks to Eph and Poni. "That's what it's all about!" Brie stood and watched as a chorus line performed in front of her. "Put your left foot in pull your left foot out, put your left foot in and turn it all about!" Brie knew the wind had whistled through her friend's ears one to many times, they were definitely showing signs of brain damage. The pounding got louder along with the screams, when the sky brightened with lighting and thunder cracked overhead making the temple shudder. Another loud bang and the doors flew open. In came the rope along with Joxer, it was if he had wings, he hovered over Xe's head until all the air was sucked from the temple and he started to fall towards her. She jumped to the side letting him fall in a heap of tingling kitchen utensils. Spread eagle on the ground, he raised his head up to give Brie a goofy smile and then her passed out. Brie pinned Xe with flaming emerald green eyes.

"You, you would have left him out there in that storm!" She sputtered. "By the Gods Xe I wish..." The doors being ripped off their hinges, the wind and rain blew in to the temple to form a tornado inside interrupted her. Brie's eyes grew wide from fright and on impulse; she jumped in to Xe's arms. Wrapping her arms and legs around Xe like a second skin, she held on for dear life.

"Jeez Brie, you're crushing me!" Xe's heart thumped in her chest at the closeness of the little Queen, long dormant emotions. Ok so it was three minutes since she thought of jumping her luscious, firm breasted, tight ass, ripped abs, sweet smelling friend. Her head spun from the scent of lavender coming from the short blonde hair. She couldn't resist her need to grab and squeeze Brie's ass and to let her fingers travel up her ribs to brush the outsides of her breasts. Brie's breath froze in her lungs at the tingling going through her body and the heat building between her legs from being pressed up against Xe's stomach. Her mind flashed pictures before her of all the times she would purposely get in to trouble just so Xe would rescue her and maybe have a chance to do this.

Eph and Poni were close to being pulled out of the temple into the storm, grabbing a hold of the rope that still bound everyone together they held on to it and each other for dear life. The wind grew stronger as it spun around them, then swallowed them in one gulp. Brie had buried her face in to Xe's neck and held on when they were all picked up and spun in a circle. "Dam the Gods, I wish we were somewhere else!" Brie screamed at the top of her lungs. A loud clap of thunder cracked overhead and a huge bolt of lightening shot through the door hitting the whirlwind, arcs of different colored lights danced around them then all was black.



************************************************************************

Xe lay on her back with a heavy yet not uncomfortable weight on her torso, cracking a blue eye open she looked down to see a smooth tanned shoulder, warm breath tickled her neck lifting the fine hairs there, she could hear soft snores in her ear and that's when she knew her blanket was her little Queen. "Figures she can sleep through a tornado and the landing!" Moans and groans came to her ears but she couldn't or wouldn't move to see where they were coming from, she was way to comfortable the way she was, she prayed for reasons to touch Brie. Feeling something crawl up under her skirt Brie twitched her leg which brought it up against very warm flesh, the thing was getting higher up her skirt so she reached back to brush it away and found a hand. Her eyes shot open to see sultry blue eyes watching her, she leaned back further to look upon soft pink slightly parted lips. Xe brought her hand up and cupped Brie's soft cheek while the other one tangled in her short blonde hair at the nape of her neck. As they moved closer to kiss, Brie suddenly stopped, confusion filled her eyes. If Xe's hands are up here then whose hand is down... Brie pulled back further causing pain to fill Xe's eyes, looking over her shoulder she saw an arm laying across her thighs. "Gods!" She rolled off Xe pinning the arm under her. "You pig Joxer!" Kicking him in the head, she heard him groan. "Grab my ass again and I'll rip your arm off and beat you with it!"

Anger rushed through Xe; reaching for her sword, she found a nose, an eye and then teeth found her fingers. Howling with pain, she got to her knees. "Poni let go!" Caramel colored eyes twinkled up at her, not being able to pass up her chance Poni licked Xe's fingers before releasing them. She smiled at the grinning Warrior P. and with in seconds her face turned bright red and her eyes started to water. "Aaaaaahhhh it urns it urns!!" Fanning her burning tongue, she shot Xe a ferocious glare.

"Argo's muscle balm gets really hot don't it?" Xe laughed as Poni tried to wipe her tongue off.

"Gods I'm blind, I'm blind Poni help me!" Eph lay sprawled out on her stomach thrashing around.

"Oooohhh es Eph!" Poni's hips shot up. "Arder Eph!" Eph stopped her thrashing to untangle her head from under Poni's skirt.

"You simple bitch!" She looked to see Poni's tongue hanging out. "Not now!" She ground out between her teeth. "Later!"

Poni's eyebrows shot up. "Argo's uscle ub!" Slobber ran down her chin. "It ot!"

"Wipe your chin off that's gross!"

With Joxer still out cold, the four of them looked around at the strange place they had been dumped by the tornado. "Where the hell are we Xe?" Eph asked her as they looked at the palm trees. "Egypt?"

"Nah there's no sand."

They turned around when Poni came busting through the brush, her tongue hanging out she jumped up and down and waved her arms at them. "Look Poni wants to play our charades game Xe." Brie clapped her hands together. "I just love this game, ok two words sounds like?" Poni narrowed her eyes at her as she growled and showed her a fist. "Sounds like Grrrrrrrr hand?" Confusion showed on Eph and Xe's face as they looked at Brie and a spazing Poni.

"Maybe Brie hit her head when we landed?"

"Nah, she ain't been right since the henbane thing."

They started to follow Poni leaving Brie talking to herself. Joxer was still out cold with his hands making groping movements in the dirt. Brie finally realized she was alone and being held back by the rope still attached to her. Out of habit, she ducked at the whooshing sound of Xe's chakram as it flew over her head and sliced through the rope joining her to Joxer. All of them came to stand below huge white funny looking symbols. Xe pulled Brie up beside her. "Ok Bardic Queen what's that say?"

"I've seen those before, you know when we were in Britannia, I think it says HOLLYWOOD." Eph scratched her head and looked up at the symbols.

"Hollywood, where the hells that?" Everyone shrugged her shoulders. They had walked past dark and in to the wee hours of the morning, they were trying to get away from all the funny noises and all the lights they seen below them. It sounded like a whole flock of pissed off geese, all the honking they did but it was the whupping sound of the flying thing that scared them. They had just walked in to a clearing when they heard up in front of them someone talking.

"Come on Duke, Granny's gonna be mighty mad ifen we don't bring somethin for breakfast." Xe pushed Brie behind her as she drew her sword. "Well, looky here boy." The bloodhound barely picked up his head from where it rested on his paws. "We found us some strangers." The tall gray haired man tipped his hat back as he took in the small group and horse before him. "Howdy there, names Jed Clampet, yawl lost?"

Joxer puffed out his chest and pushed his way to the front; dropping his voice he introduced himself. "I'm Joxer the mighty and these are." Looking over his shoulder at four sets of glaring eyeballs. "Are...ahhh...uhmmm."

"Get outta my way your moron!" Brie pushed him to the side. "I'm Gabrielle Queen of the Amazons and these are my friends, except." She gave Joxer a smirk. "For Joxer, we haven't figured out what he is yet."

"Nice ta meet yawl, ya ain't from around here are ya?" Five heads shook no. "Why don't cha come on back ta the mansion, Granny's fixing vittles and ifen we don't hurry Jethro will eat everythin all by his lonesome."

Xe walked up to him and asked. "What are vittles?"

"Gosh ole mighty you're a tall one, vittles, ya know eggs, scrapple, grits, come on times a waistin."

When they came in to the back yard, Jed introduced them to his daughter Elle Mae. With one look, Argo was in love! She took off with Elle Mae who was explaining to the palomino how she was going to braid her mane and tail and put pretty ribbons and bows in it. Xe's jaw dropped down to her kneecaps at the site of her once faithful companion trotting off with the blonde bombshell. "My pony left me!" She wailed.
"Yeah," Brie snickers. "And this time it's not for apples!" Brie still snickering, followed Jed into the kitchen where Granny was stirring a huge pot on the stove.

"Dag nab it Jethro, ya eat like one of Elle Mae's hogs! Now get outta here before I use this spoon on ya!"

Jethro ran out the door just about plowing in to Brie and his Uncle Jed. "Mornin Uncle Jed, who ya got with ya? The tall dark moron asked seeing the little blond Queen, he flashed them a huge smile. Then his heart slammed in his chest at the sight of the others. "Howdy ladies!" Noticing the scantly clad Amazons, he puffed out his chest and made his smile even bigger. "Yawl ain't from around here are ya? Did Miss Jane send ya over?" Confused looks went around.

"Who's Miss Jane?" Eph asked him.

"Ye doggy, you sure are a pretty lil thing, I'm Jethro wanna go for a ride in my truck?" He stepped closer and tucked his thumbs in the waistband of his floodwater generic jeans. "I kin show you the sites." Poni stepped in front of her lover and growled at him, she showed him her pure white teeth in an imitation of a pit bull snarl complete with spittle hitting him in the eye. "Ya should see Granny about that possession problem; she can fix ya up with one of her home brews lick-it-tee split." Joxer stepped in front of Poni blocking her from attacking Jethro.

"I'm Joxer, these are Amazons and you're not their type if ya know what I mean." He wiggled his eyebrows hoping he got his point across to Jethro who seemed even denser than him.

"What she like blondes?" He ran his fingers through his dark hair. "Cuz I can dye it."

"Ahhh no, what I mean is you have an unwanted appendage, they like dicks just not on men."

Jethro was so lost that the psychic network wouldn't be able to find him. "Come with me and I'll give you some tips on surviving around Amazons and prolonging your life." Granny looked up from her four foot stature at all the commotion. "Jed what'd I tell ya about bringing movie people here!"

"But Granny they ain't movie people, they're from Greece."

Granny took in their strange cloths and weapons. "Coulda fooled me!"

Poor Granny was in shock, the little Blonde could out eat Jethro! She was on the third pot of Opossum stew and still going. Joxer was still off with Jethro somewhere, not like any one cared; that he was still gone in fact they were thrilled! Xe was sitting under a tree sobbing because Argo ignored her, she even tried giving her apples but Argo kept following Elle Mae around like a great big puppy. Eph sat with Jed carving 2x4's in to handy little toothpicks while Poni laid on her stomach beside the cement pond with her tongue in the cold water. Brie had helped Granny clean up the kitchen, which Granny never ever let anyone do but the little Queen had won her over, with the compliments on her cooking. Once she was finished, she went in search of Xe, they had to figure out where they were and how they got there and why these people dressed so strangely.

Her heart ached at the sight of her friend's red-rimmed bloodshot blue eyes and her hiccupping sobs. "Xe what's wrong?" Brie sat down under the tree beside her and rubbed the back of one of her large hands.

"I miss Argo!" Her crying grew harder. "She left me for a floozy!"

"She'll come back to her senses, don't worry." Yeah who would give up being around the moody dark one, arrows and spears being thrown at you, warlords kidnapping you and trying to see what was under your saddle blanket. And a scared shitless little blonde kicking you in your kidneys all the time. "I think Elle is in to the kinky animal stuff, she had a monkey playing with her tits!" Brie pulled Xe's head in to her chest and whispered soothing comforting words in to her ear. Xe forgot all about Argo when her face suddenly became buried between firm breasts. Brie felt Xe's hot tears running down between her breasts, then a hand came up and brushed against a hardened nipple, she pulled air between her teeth at the fire that shot between her legs. Xe knew exactly what she was doing, she pretended to grieve harder pushing her face further in to Brie's cleavage, and the moment was lost at the sound of Joxer's voice.

"Groovy Baby, wanna see my mojo?"

Xe looked up at the very strange, well stranger Joxer, he was wearing a Day-Glo orange shirt and lime green plaid flood water polyester pants with rainbow suspenders and black converse high top shoes. Jethro was wearing Joxer's kitchen on the move armor and did just about the same justice to it that Joxer did.

"Please Brie can we leave him here?"

"You know Xe I should have let you keep him on the other side of the temple door!"

"Come on Jethro were not appreciated here, lets go cruise for some hot chicks and maybe we can get some in the sack action going."

Granny was singing to herself and doing the jig all around her stil while Poni watched with amusement from where she laid by the cement pond. Granny opened a valve on the end of a copper tube and filled up a tin cup with a clear liquid, after a small sip Poni swore that Granny's hair stood straight up on end . "Come here Child, try some of Granny's elixir gar un teed to cure what ill's ya." An hour later Eph found Poni and Granny swinging from the trees whooping up a storm.

"Simple bitch!" Eph stomped off in search of Brie. With Xe curled up on her side with her head resting in Brie's lap she slept with a goofy grin on her lips, Brie was reading the comic section of the newspaper and frowning. "What's ya reading Brie?"

"The comics, but I don't understand them and who's Bill Clinton?"

"Have you two thought of how were gonna get out of here and back to Greece?"

"No, I don't know where to begin, and Xe's no help with Argo dumping her and all."

"Ladies." They looked up to see a tall willowy woman with short mannish blonde hair coming towards them with Jed. "Ephany, Gabrielle this is Miss Jane." They introduced themselves except for the sleeping Warrior P.

This is Xena; she's had a rough day so please excuse her."

Xe cuddled further in to Brie's lap placing a kiss on the inside of her thigh.

"Xe wake up!" Xe's hand slid up the inside of Brie's thigh getting verrry close to an untouched area. Red crept from Brie's neck to her hairline, slapping Xe's wandering hand she grinned at Miss Jane. "She thinks I'm her mate aaahhh Argo." Ephany choked back a laugh at Brie's explanation for the wandering hand, she knew how they felt about one another, she just wished they would jump each other and get it over with already!

"Yeah we left him in very capable hands." Eph threw in. Jed was confused he thought that her horse was named Argo.

"Well yawl, I hafta help Granny yawl just gets aquatinted now ya hear."

Miss Jane was all smiles, her heart was pounding in her chest at the beautiful blonde before her, the other one with the curly blonde hair wasn't bad but the dark haired one they could toss her away, puleeease pinning over a man! Her deep voice caressed Brie's ears. "Mr. Clampet said you're all from Greece, I just happen to be an authority on the subject." They listened to her talk about Ancient Greece, the ruins, temples and the Gods and Goddesses of that time, which confused them because she made it sound like it was years and years ago when they had just been there a few days ago. What really got them was her description of Aphrodite, Brie was howling with laughter. "Her wisdom of true love, the way she brought so many people together to find love and from what I understand she thought she was a very plain in the looks department." Miss Jane stated for them. Tears flowed down Eph and Brie's faces, Brie doubled over falling on top of Xe, her tears dripping on her face woke her up.

"Brie what's wrong?" The concern in her voice reached Brie, falling back against the tree she forced out between her wails of laughter what Miss Jane said about Dite. Ice blue eyes turned to the so-called expert freezing the air in her chest. "Dite is a self-centered bleach blonde bimbo who screws up more relationships than Hades and Celestra put together!" Xe stood up and stretched her six-foot body getting the kinks out; Miss Jane was shocked at the rippling of muscles. To butch for me, now the little blonde Gabrielle is more my type! She thought to her self.

"Where's Poni at Eph?"

"Swinging in the trees with Granny the last time I saw her." Xe stomped off mumbling to herself about blonde bimbos. "Miss Jane, maybe you can help us get back to Greece where we belong?" Over the rest of the day, Brie explained to Miss Jane what happened to them.


After a passed out Granny was brought to from watching Brie out eat Jethro, she had Elle Mae show them to their rooms. Joxer was going to share Jethro's room because they wanted to discuss their chick cruising techniques and Jethro had some really cool racecar beds. Eph was next to be showed her room. "This ones yours, the indoor outhouse is through that door and there's towels in there to, if ya need anythin just give a holler." When Elle Mae tried to show Poni her room, she got a low growl. "But it's a nice pink frilly room."

"Nope I stay with Eph!" Elle Mae gave her a funny look then it hit her.

"Oh you're like Miss Jane, you're lima beans!" Everyone looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"No we're Amazons!" Poni replied. Brie stood with her hands covering her face trying not to laugh. When she was done, Elle Mae walked to her own room shaking her head and mumbling to herself.

"And Granny thinks I'm weird because I sleep with two chimps, a raccoon, gofer, opossum, a box turtle and a pig, ye doggie those two got me beat!"


Brie looked around her room, the first thing she did was try out the big comfortable looking bed and thought of how she would like to try out the stuffing with a certain Warrior, flopping across it she let her fantasies take her on a very hot little journey. "Yeah six foot of Warrior P. crawling all over my body, I think I'll go check on her, no she'll think I'm being childish and immature. I can do this I can be away from her for one night, right?"

Xe pulled their sleeping shifts out of the saddlebag, throwing hers on the bed she put Brie's up to her nose and breathed in her little Queens's scent. Her mind ran off with her, pictures of Brie sitting by the fire with the flames casting red highlights in her hair, the way she chewed on the tip of her quill and got black ink all over her lips and the way her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth when she was writing on her scrolls. "Gods her tongue and where I'd like her to put it!" She groaned at the erotic picture in her mind. Stepping into the in the indoor outhouse, she figured out how to use everything and was taking advantage of the hot waterfall. Brie crept down the hall to Xe's room with a big pink towel wrapped around her damp hair, she listened at the door and heard water running. "Dam I was hoping she was just sitting there waiting for me!" She entered and found their sleeping shifts laying on the bed, picking one up she put it to her nose and grinned in an evil way, she was just about to leave when she heard Xe start to sing.

"Well, there was a time when they use to say, behind every big sheep there had to be a big farmer.
But now these times are changing and it's no longer true, the sheep have come out of the hay fields and there's something I have to say to you.
Farmers are doing it to themselves, standing on there own two feet pulling on their own bells!"

Brie's face flushed as she thought of having a certain Warrior Princess on her hands and knees playing sheep and farmer, after all, she was a farm girl and that had to count for something! She heard the water stop so she high tailed it out of there and back to her own room. Xe knew before she was two steps in to the room that Brie had been there, she could smell lavender hovering in the air. Her face broke into a big smile when she seen the damp towel and her missing shift. "The little sneak."


"Poni if you don't stop pushing on that handle I'm gonna beat you even more senseless than you already are!" Poni was on her hands and knees sitting in front of the toilet watching the water swirl around and disappear down the hole, every time she pushed that handle Eph would scream and she had no idea why, but that didn't stop her. With a wicked grin, she pushed it again. "Dam it Eponin!" Eph stuck her head out of the shower, with her eyes blazing, and then an idea came to her. "Poni wanna shave me?" Poni's head jerked up and the toilet was forgotten. "I knew that would work." Eph whispered to herself.

Later that night Poni's curiosity got the better of her; once again, she was kneeling in front of the porcelain Goddess, after two rolls of toilet paper and everything else she could find she panicked with what happened next. She jumped up, ran in to the room, and pulled Eph out of bed.

"Ephy it's gone it's gone!" She screamed.

Eph's half-opened eyes just stared at her crazy lover. "Poni I'm gonna flush you next, now what's gone?" Tears filled Poni's eyes.

"Baby went down the hole!"

Eph leaned over the toilet, watched the water rise, burble and gurgle at her, then a big splash of water shoot out, and hit her right in the face. She heard Poni cooing behind her. "What is your problem?" She wiped the water from her eyes. "I'm gonna..." Words left her as she starred at Poni.

"Its baby, see!" Poni was cuddling a little rubber yellow ducky.

Her face beet red. "You're nuts, absofuckinglutly insane, now get in bed!" Her heart melted at the toothy grin Poni gave her as she wiped the ducky off on her shift. "Come on lets go to bed." Pulling Poni behind her, she climbed in to bed and groaned as she watched her lover put the ducky on the pillow between their heads.



**********************************************************************


The next morning Xe was up early and decided to go kill something to get rid of some of her pent up sexual frustration. Not being able to get Argo away from Elle Mae, she took off on foot. After taking down ten geese, five ducks a few squirrels and scaring the hell out of Jed when her Chakram took off his hat, she headed back to the mansion to give her morning kills to Granny.

"Sweet Jesus girl, you brought back enough to feed the Salvation Army!" The little woman looked up with her blue eyes twinkling. "We gotta show them men folks whose boss now don't we?" Granny slapped Xe on the arm. "Now you go get cleaned up and I'll call fer ya when breakfasts ready."

Xe's destroyer mind sent out alerts. "An army here?" She said to herself. "Dam religious fanatic's only one person who can stop them!" An evil grin crossed her face before it went back to its normal unemotional way. After telling Joxer what needed to be done, she watched him and Jethro take off in that weird chariot. Joxer stood in the back of it with his bent sword held out in front of him in the charge position and sang a new version of his asinine song.

Joxer the Mighty with Jethro at his sidy
Pleas-Please-ing girlie chicks with their little dicks
We pulled off the duct tape and stood there all agape
They weren't girlie chicks but men with big pricks
We screamed all through the night
Our eyes all full with fright
Virgins we are no more
Now we take it on all four
We beat on our own meat
Cuz we can't take a seat

Brie was missing and Xe had no idea of where to look, with having not gotten much sleep the night before she lay in Jed's hammock to wait for Brie. A warm body cuddled against her and started kissing her neck and caressing her body that had caught on fire, the more sensual the kisses became the more her center throbbed. She was close to going over the edge, her center then exploded in a strong orgasm and all it took was to feel the teeth nip at her skin. Her body trembled with the aftershocks of her climax; she started to become aroused once more at the fingers pinching her nipples. She opened her eyes when she felt a warm tongue slip in to her parted lips, in front of her were camel colored eyes, she was up out of the hammock before her body even knew it had moved. In the hammock was Elle Mae's chimp Daisy blowing kisses at her with bright red lipstick on her lips.

"AAAAAHHHHH HOT MONKEY SEX!!!!"

She ran off screaming in to the fields. Eph was in an inner tube floating around the cement pond and Poni was playing in the water.

"Look Eph, look at my baby swimming!" Eph opened one eye and glanced down at the rubber ducky banging up against the side of her tube, reaching down she grabbed it out of the water and grinned at her lover, mimicking her she said. "Look Poni look at Duke eating baby!" Eph threw the rubber duck to Duke who picked it up and ran off. Poni jumped out of the water and ran after the bloodhound screaming.

Joxer and Jethro were marching back and forth in front of the front door to the mansion when Miss Jane pulled up in her convertible with Brie riding shotgun.

"Joxer what in the hell are you doing?"

He stepped in front of her in his Salvation Army uniform, came to attention and snapped off a salute. "Lt. Joxer of the Salvation Army, inspector number 22 of used underwear and jock straps reporting for duty Ma'am!" Her eyebrows rose at his reply.

"Oookay, where's everyone else at so I can borrow a sword to fall on," She rose up on her toes and leaned towards him screaming. "For making Xena save your ignorant ASS!" Just as she was about to turn back to Miss Jane, Xe ran by her screaming 'HOT MONKEY SEX!!' And right behind her was Duke with a naked Poni chasing him screaming 'GIVE MY BABY BACK!!!!' Brie groaned, her head dropped down to her chest as she threw her arms in the air over her head as she walked around the back towards the cement pond. "What the hell did I do this time Huh, like I haven't been punished enough by being born with six toes?" She tried to pull on her short blonde hair. "Now I'm surrounded by insane people!"

Elle Mae was in a skimpy bikini sitting on the edge of the cement pond coaching her critters as they did their laps around a dozing Eph. Right behind her in a tiny little pair of red Speedo's was Chip, Daisy's mischievous husband sitting in an inner tube running his fingers through Eph's curly hair.

"Poni, you're so goood at that!"

"Miss Jane you have got to help me, before I go completely insane!!"

Miss Jane had figured out that they had come through a Star gate forward in time, now she had to figure out a way to get them back that had her stumped. Pondering this, she and Brie sat on the swing talking when Xe fell to the ground in front of them. Dirt and bits of leaves and tiny branches clung to her sweaty body, her breathing was ragged and her skin a bright pink color.

"Xe where have you been?"

Xe rolled her head to look at Brie with terror-filled eyes, taking a couple deep breaths to try to calm herself down she stammered.

"HOT MONKEY SEX!!!"

"What?" The first thing that popped in to her head was the Furies. "Xe come here." Xe crawled across the ground towards her and before she could get there Elle Mae walked by them and flashed them a big smile, her lips gleaming with lots of bright red lipstick. Brie leaned towards Xe and flames ignited in her green eyes.

"Why do you have lipstick all over you?"

"HOT MONKEY SEX!!!" Xe screamed.

"Yeah right, funny it's the same color as Elle Mae's!" Brie lowered her voice and grabbed Xe by the front of her leathers pulling them nose to nose. Xe's eyes twitched in her head at the anger she seen before her. "Two can play at this game!" She pushed Xe back and pulled Miss Jane on to her lap putting a lip lock on her that knocked all the wind out of Xe's lungs and put Miss Jane in to a coma. Pushing Miss Jane off the swing and on to the ground Brie stood up and wiped her hand across her mouth. "Now I think I'll go find Elle Mae and give her a try!" She stormed off leaving a stunned Warrior lying on the ground with her jaw hanging open beside the comatose Miss Jane.

"So that's it, I have to be a floozy to get her attention!!" Brie kicked rocks across the ground. "Well, I'll show her, two can play at this game, I'm gonna...go...to my room and cry!!" She ran through the living room past Granny and Poni and up the stairs to her room where she collapsed on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

Granny and Poni went back to jumping up and down in front of the TV.

"Get that Hagster, rip her legs off!" Granny pantomimed the ripping off of arms and legs.

"Go girlfriend, whoop her ass!" Poni clutched her chest as she swooned and fell on to the couch. "Dam that Chyna is fine, she can smack me down anytime!"

"Yeeee haaaa, smack that bitch, poke her eyes out, rip her falsies off! Granny was doing back flips off the couch. Eph came up behind Poni and ran her fingertips from her shoulders down under her leathers to pinch her nipples, tracing Poni's ear with her tongue she slowly pushed it in and out. "Wanna have hot monkey sex?" Poni was off the couch, Eph over her shoulder and up the stairs before Granny realized she was all alone. Xe had collected herself and had taken a hot shower then a very cold one, not wanting to spend the time cleaning her leathers she borrowed some cloths off Jethro. Joxer's jaw hit the ground when she walked by in a black silk Pirates shirt with the front unlaced and a pair of skintight black Levi's, even old Jed was drooling.

"Elle Mae where's that slutty little monkey of yours?" She asked.

"Ya might check the barn, I saw her and Chip go in there about an hour ago."

Brie was asleep on her back dreaming the most incredible dream she had ever had. She ran her fingers through Xe's hair while Xe kneaded her aching breasts. "Oh Gods Xe, I've waited for you for so long!" Her hips thrust up at the weight straddling her, juices flowed between her legs every time her center pulsed. "Give me your hand Xe!" She mumbled in her aroused voice, taking the offered hand she felt the long fingernails, even sleeping it didn't register right to her, then the fur that covered the back of it. Her eyes peeked open to met camel colored brown winking at her and a tongue sticking out between bright red lips.

"Oh Gods, HOT MONKEY SEX!!"

Daisy gave her a big smile then blew her a kiss before she jumped off the bed and ran out the door holding her little pink frilly dress over her head. Brie's breathing was ragged, whether it was from being turned on or from fright she didn't know, all that she did know was that she wanted six foot of Warrior P. covering her body right now.

"Why couldn't it have been you Xena?" She pounded the mattress with her clenched fists. "But I know you don't feel that way about me!"

"That's where you're wrong Gabrielle." Xe came out from the dark corner, her voice low and sultry sending shivers up Brie's body. Green eyes darkened with passion and love when the body the voice belonged to crawled on the bed on her hands and knees to hover over her.

"I'm sorry Xe, I should have trusted you."

"Don't be sorry, kiss me."

All doubts were washed away with one kiss. "I've wanted to do that for so long Brie." They kissed with more passion than thought possible; Brie's hands came around Xe's neck pulling her down on top of her, the silk shirt brushing against her exposed flesh causing goose bumps to rise on her body. She worked her hands in to the waistband of Xe's Levi's pulling the shirt out she ran her hands over heated skin under it as she worked it up over Xe's head. The silk seemed to float in the air as it floated to slowly to the floor and was soon joined by the rest of their cloths. Laying on their sides pressed up against each other they fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces. Hands explored warm soft skin for the first time, Xe moved her one thigh over a small hip pulling Brie's other between hers. At the contact against their throbbing centers small moans escaped from their gentle kiss, Xe moved her hips slowly spreading her wetness across Brie's thigh, the feel of it made her own hips press up in to Xe. Nipples brushed against each other making them ache with need. Xe knew she could not hold on much longer, wrapping one arm around her lover she pulled her tight against her.

"Xe, Gods I'm going to come!!" Brie closed her eyes when she felt her lower stomach muscles clench.

"Look at me Brie, together love together." When Blue met dark green, Xe thrust one last time sending them both over, closing their eyes at the last second as their orgasms ripped through them. The walls shook with the screams of each other's names. Exhausted and sated they lay wrapped in each other's arms. Xe kissed Brie's trembling lips and wiped a tear that from her cheek. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No Xe, by the Gods I love you, I always have!"

Tears welled up in Xe's crystal blue eyes. "I have tried to deny my feeling s for you, all it ever took was one look from your green eyes and all my efforts went out the window with the skipping of my heart, you have always had my heart and soul, I love you Brie!"

They shared a kiss then cuddled together. Xe's eyes opened at the sound of a squeaking noise.

"You hear that?"

"Yeah it sounds like Poni's ducky."

The squeaking got faster then Eph's name was screamed. "Guess baby ducky was the advance warning of who was to come." Brie started laughing. "What?" Xe asked.

"I just have this picture of Poni with her baby ducky in her hand and its little head getting bigger the closer she got to climaxing."

**********

Poni laid half off the bed crying. "Oh come on Poni, I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did!" Sniffles. "You never could understand our relationship!"

Eph pulled a pillow over her head and screamed.

"It was special, Baby used to float all over the tub when I took my bath and now....Whaaaaaa!!! She's dead!!" Poni sat up and held her baby ducky in her hands, its head in her right body in the left. Eph's lips spread in to an evil grin under the pillow when she thought of the look on Poni's face when she bit the dam things head off.

**************

Ares was pissed, he had searched everywhere couldn't find Xena, he even went so far as to cross in to sister's boundaries and check out Amazon nation and when Artemis found out she made sure he paid for it.

"Get of my way!" Ares yelled as he tried to get to his throne. "Move you ignorant damn thing!" Stumbling over the bodies crowding him he fell landing within inches of his destination, with the fall, his temper got the better of him and he threw an energy ball at the nearest object. His throne, which came apart in hundreds of pieces scaring the milling crowd to stampede, the noise, deafened Ares and bleating sheep ran rampant.

"Oooommfff son of a...Oowww!!!"

"Baaaaa!" Over his shoulder, Ares looked in to the eyes of a white fuzzy face of a very large ram. "Ooohh shit!" The ram stood with his front feet on Ares back and what the back half was doing could only be described with a one-word humping! Ares got to his knees, which was a large mistake on his part but a blessing for the ram. A flash blinded him for an instant, then laughter assaulted his ears, a pair of black boots disappearing into shapely legs covered by black fishnet stockings and a very short leather skirt, long black hair looking wild surrounded a small impish face, brown eyes flashed giving even Callisto a semblance of sanity.

"You look good on your knees Ares."

His brown eyes glared back at her. "Discord be useful and get rid of these dam walking rugs!"

"Why, who are you gonna play with then." A blue flame changed her mind, Discord waved her hand and all the sheep disappeared except for the ram on Ares back, he tried crawling away from it.

"You missed one you simple bitch!"

"Ooohh NO that one there, she's all yours!" Ares was picked up by his waistband and held five feet off the floor.

"And stay away from my Amazons little brother or next time I'll lock you in a roomful of chattering Gabrielle's!" Artemis dropped Ares to the floor and bore down on Discord. "And you little troll." Arte pointed finger at Discord who was hoping the floor would open up and swallow her. Arte's green eyes glowed with rage. "You're the reason my queen and amazons are missing not to mention my daughter who by now has probably killed off every man where ever the Hades she is!"

Ares perked up at the mention of Xena, before he could do anything he found himself, gagged, and hogtied and Aphrodite giggling at him.

"Chill Bro, I thought you liked it kinky?"

Discord fidgeted around and stumbled over words. "I didn't... he... wasn't me!" She screamed as she made a fruitless dash to nowhere since Arte had her by her hair.

"Does hagster mean anything to you?" Arte asked. Discord's brown eyes flashed.

"I'm not a hagster! That idiot Joxer, I only meant to zap him but."

"But what?"

"My little storm got all them."

"I remember you saying."Wasn't me!" So where'd you send them? Discord dropped her head mumbling something, Arte let go of her and turn to Dite.

"Son of a bitch! Dite can you help out here?"

"Sure sis, what's up?"

"Your favorite place, get your surfboard ready."

Dite's blue eyes twinkled; rubbing her hands together, she looked at her sister and smiled.

"Bitchin! Meet me at my pad." With a wave of her hand, she was gone in a pink flash. Arte left Discord in the same predicament Ares, hogtied.

"How did she know?" She asked a struggling Ares who had finally gotten the gag out of his mouth.

"Don't be stupid the forest has eyes and ears! And where did you send them?"

Discord found the ceiling had an interesting pattern of water stains that looked kinda like pictures of little fairies flying around. "I'm not telling you so there!"

"You listen here Diphtheria, if I don't get Xena BACK I'll... I'll!"

"What Ares make me suffer? Puleeease if you chained me up to Callisto it wouldn't be as bad as working for you!"


Dite and Arte appeared on the crowded beach in California. Dite had on a thong bikini and Arte was still in her Amazon leathers, it was hard to say who was getting more stares.

"Why don't you just go naked Dite?"

She tossed her long blond hair as she planted her hands on her hips. "And leave nothing to their imaginations!"

Arte looked at the two-inch circles of material covering her sister's nipples. "Men never change." She shook her head. "They still think with the little brain."

*************8

Brie sat with her head against Xe's chest using her as a pillow. "All I remember is yelling damn the Gods! And the next thing I know where here, I've said worse about them and this never happened! It's got to be something else."

Xe closed her eyes replaying everything that had happened right up until Joxer came along. Her eyes popped open, "That's it!" She jumped up flipping Brie over on the bed. "Ok, now," Xe paced in front of the bed. "There was no storm at all while we were traveling until jockstrap ran in to us, then all the sudden we're running for our very lives!"

Brie sat up in bed and looked at her lover with flaming eyes. "You mean Joxer the Jockstrap is the reason we're here?" Xe shook her head.

"Exactly!" Brie headed for the door, before she could open it she was pulled back against warm flesh.

"Some clothes would be good Queenie." A blush covered Brie's face

"Ooohh..." She sunk to the floor and moaned when Xe dropped her face between her thighs. "YES..."

*************

Joxer and Jethro had moved their guard post to the street, actually granny said move it or she would make soap out of them. "Stop!" The squeal of tires came from a little sports car as it tried to stop before running over the uniformed men.

"I'm Lt. Joxer, what kind of underwear do you have on?" A loud smack and a yell later found Joxer sprawled out in the road with Jethro trying to drag him to the grass. Xe and Brie approached them but didn't want to know why they were stopping cars, after seeing Joxer get nailed.

"Brie you can wake him up this time."

"Why ME?"

"Because if he grabs my tits again I'm gonna put the pinch on him and forget how to release it!"

"DAM DAM DAM!! Brie pushed Jethro down over Joxer, leaned over his shoulder, and yelled his name. His arms shot up grabbing the front of Jethro's uniform.

"Gaby!!" Feeling around his eyes opened to see brown instead of green eyes, he gave that stupid giggle and dropped his hands, Brie smiled up at Xe and winked at her.

"Joxer the other day before we got here did you see anyone before you found us?" Brie asked. Joxer's eyebrows shot up to his hairline in concentration.

"Let me see," He was silent for a few minutes. "Salmoneous, Minya, Auto and ahhh oh yeah Discontent... Diphtheria... Dipshit what ever her name is, ya know Ares flunky."
Xe and Brie eyes rolled up "Discord!" They groaned in unison.

"Yep that's her, she tried to get me to tell her where Gaby was but I wouldn't tell her."

"Then what happened is the question?"

"Ahhh, well she called me a moron and I called her on Hagster and she got really pissed and the next thing I knew the wind started blowing really hard and Discontent started throwing bolts of lightning at me."

"And that's when you found us!" Xe groaned and covered her face Brie moved her side and wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her.

"It'll be all right Xe at least we know how we got here." Xe threw her head back and screamed for her Ma. In a blue flash Arte was standing before them.

"Ma!" Xe shocked everyone by falling to her knees and grabbing Arte around her legs and sobbing. Brie shrugged her shoulders and tried to comfort her lover.

"Is it that bad Queenie?" Arte asked Brie after looking at her sobbing daughter.

"Let's just say it's had its down points, can you get us back home?"

Yep as soon as Dite gets here, that tramp!" She stepped out of Xe's arms and leaned over Joxer.

"And you, moron, this is your entire fault so guess what?"

Joxer trembled at finger pointed at him. "Does the word BAAAA mean anything to you?"

In a flash, what was Joxer was now a sheep running for his very life from Jethro who yelled.

"Come back little sheep I love you!" As he ran down the road after Joxer the sheep.
*****************


Xe and Brie walked with Artemis towards the back of the mansion, on the way they passed Jed sitting on the front porch whittling on a 2x4. "Yeeee doggie! Who do we have here?" Jed wiggled his eyebrows and slicked his mustache down as he winked at Arte. "You girls sure do have something for them leathers don't ya?" Xe gave Jed dirty look and was about to grab him by his shirt until Brie stopped her. But she could only handle one at a time and couldn't stop Arte.

"Listen you old goat how would you like to join Joxer?"

"I guess that all depends on where Joxer's is?"

At that minute, a sheep ran by with Jethro chasing after it yelling that he is disease free and likes it doggy Style. Jed's eyes just about fell out of his head, Arte grinned at him. "So big man you want to join him and Jethro in a threesome?" Jed threw down his 2x4 and ran off in the opposite direction from them.

"Ma, I'm proud of you I thought you would have changed him into some kind of creepy crawly."

Arte gave her daughter an evil grin and raised her eyebrow at her. What makes you think I didn't?"

Jethro ran past them again, now he had an old Billy goat running in front of Joxer the sheep. Brie shrugged her shoulders. "That's funny." Then walked in front of Xe swinging her hips, Xe groaned and wipe the sweat from her brow, Arte just laughed at her.
"Boy do you have your hands full!"

"You ain't kidding Ma!"

They were all sitting around the concrete pond drinking grannies special recipe when Jane came walking up to them in a hideous set of phony leathers with Day-Glo feathers sticking out of her hair.

"Xena, Gabrielle how do I look?"

The four of them had Grannies special recipe spraying out of their noses hacking and coughing they tried in not to laugh at her.

I thought since I've been hanging around with you guys that I would fit in better dressed like you. Therefore, I went to this little store on Rodeo Drive called Bondage is us and picked up these leathers, they came with a set of handcuffs but I left them in my car. Then she caught sight of Arty sitting on the ground next to Xe. "Who's that gorgeous woman sitting next to you Xe?" Arte tried to crawl behind Xe for protection from Miss. Jane. "Oh I see you're a shy one." Miss Jane said.

"Xe please help me and where the hell is your Aunt Dite? If I'm here much longer there will be no humans left on this planet!"

Brie jumped to Arte's rescue or Miss Jane's. "This is Artemis, Xena's very married Mother. She's come to take us home, that is as soon as Dite gets here."

Miss Jane looked crestfallen. "All the good ones are always taken." She dropped down to her knees in front of them. "You know of any single woman? I'm not picky...I"M DESPERATE!"

Arte cocked her eyebrow at her daughter then grinned. "Oh I think I know of someone that would be just perfect for you, but that means you would have to come back to Greece with us."

"I'll go anywhere; Mr. Drysdale can shove his job where the sun doesn't shine!" She got up and ran towards the Mansion yelling for Elle Mae.

"Ma, what have ya just done?"

"Paybacks Xe, paybacks!"

They heard a yell of Geronimo as a blur shot past them to cut perfectly into the water of the cement pond.

"What a rush!" Dite sprang from the water and plopped down in front of them. "How's it hanging Warrior Babe? I see you guys are living the life of luxury."

"Believe me it's been a nice vacation but we would rather be home, this place is just too weird." Xe replied.

"Dite, can you zap us back or open up a hole or something?" Asked Brie. "We really need to get back to the nation, with both Ephany and myself gone who knows what has happened to the village."

"No prob Blondie, this place is lacking anyway all the buff babes are in Kiwiland for the Volleyball tournament anyway. I'll be back in, lets say one candle mark then me and Sis here will zap everyone back to your boring Village."


One candle mark later, everyone had said their good-byes and were waiting for Dite to reappear. "Where the Hades is that slaggy sister of mine, I knew she would do this!" Arte was just about to go off on one of her tangents when Dite dropped out of the clear blue in front of them in a hang glider. "I heard that feather head, now are we ready to jet?"

Xe squeezed Brie's hand. "Ma what about Joxer, are you gonna leave him here?" She kept winking at her Ma. "Dite will come back for him later, I think he needs to learn a position I mean a lesson or two."

"Ok, now everyone form a circle and join hands, on the count of three sing the Tele Tubby song." Arte gave her a searing look. "Just kidding! Ready here we go!"



Screams were heard above the Amazon Village as the group plummeted towards the rushing ground at an amazing speed. Just before they would have been one big splat, they stopped dead a foot of the ground then drifted the rest of the way. Dite appeared next to the gasping group. "What a rush huh?" Xe struggled to get untangled from Poni and Brie. "Ahh ahh Warrior Babe or I'll do one of my little spells for you and Miss J.!" Xe stopped with her mouth hanging open.

"Dite you'll get your chance, remember who we left hogtied back at the Temple?" Arte grinned.

Dite rubbed her hands together and giggled. "Ohh what's her name, gotcha Sis, back in a sec."

Poni grumbled to herself about home sweet home and stomped off towards her and Eph's hut. "What's wrong with Poni?" Brie asked Eph. "She's still pissed about her rubber Ducky, but I have just the thing ta make her feel better. I can't believe I did this but." She held open her backpack to Brie.

"Eph, it's full of Rubber Ducky's."

"Yep, it cost me my favorite knife ta Granny to, but ya know sacrifices and everythin. I better get to our hut before Poni starts in on what's left of my stuff from the last time she went off."

Screams were heard coming from the trees as everyone turned, all they could see was Discord running with Miss Jane right on her heels.

"That's exciting, whatcha say Brie, time ta practice our Hot Monkey Routine?"

On their way to their hut they passed two Amazons, one was half carrying the other who had her hand over her nose. "I told ya Jack but noooo you wouldn't listen! You're lucky it was only a Ducky that Poni hit ya in the nose with, it could have been her fist!"

"But Oinker," She spoke in a pinched off sound. "The Ducky was in her fist!"

Xe and Brie turned to watch as they walked past and started laughing when they seen the foot print on Oinker's ass. "Looks about the size of Eph's foot don't ya think Xe?"

"Yep, I thought we got rid of those two, didn't we send them to Queen Kiane?"


Everything was back to normal except for the Temple of Ares; it seems that a certain Sheep wearing a set of Xena like leathers had been dropped off there with Ares. Dite and Arte sat in the shadows and laughed their asses off watching their brother proclaim his love to the furry animal.