I'd like to thank my marvelous Beta reader, Bookie, for showing me the errors of my way.

Rachel continued to see Dr. Morgan once a week in City Park, spending the rest of the week working at Children's Hospital a few hours a day and covering the ER at Charity on as many evenings as her still healing shoulder would tolerate. She and Meg worked out each morning at Tory's gym then gave each other a "nonsexual" deep muscle massage before walking over to True Brew for breakfast. Rachel wanted to go roller blading, but Meg convinced her that the damage a fall would do her at this point in her recovery would far outweigh any benefits. Rachel missed the endorphin rush she'd learned to count on in pushing her body to its limits. She decided taking Meg dancing would be a happy compromise. The only problem might be controlling her libido. Dancing, especially dancing with Meg, always made her randy. They had both agreed to not have sex until they and Dr. Morgan felt Rachel was ready.

The women danced and laughed until the wee hours. They figured they'd paid the Deejay's college tuition with all the tips given him to play slow, romantic music so they could grope each other in the dark. "Rach...., down girl." Meg stated as she removed a long questing hand from her buttock. "Come on, Tiger." Small hands tugged on the tall dark woman's shirt collar. "Let's go home before we give these kids a show." Rachel nodded and tried to get her eyes back in focus. Her heart was pounding in rhythm with her sex.

"My place or yours?" Rachel panted.

"Me to mine and you to yours. We have an agreement. Remember?"

The tall woman groaned out her frustration. "Yeah, I remember. I'm going to talk to Dr. Morgan tomorrow and tell her I need to make love to you.....really bad." She pulled the object of her desire into long, strong arms.

Meg giggled and grinned. "I sure hope she feels that we've made enough progress with our daily massage treatment to take that next step or I'm gonna need to invest in Duracell."

Rachel gave Meg a chaste kiss at her doorstep, then headed back to her quiet home and furry canine companion. 'Oh yeah, Dr. Morgan and I are gonna have a little talk in tomorrow's session.'

***

Rachel stated her case to Dr. Morgan and awaited her response. "I'd like you to join a therapy group I run for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It meets on Mondays and Fridays."

"Oh." She was not expecting that. To her Dr. Morgan had completely changed gears and drove right into a dark and frightening tunnel. "Will we still have our sessions on Tuesdays, here in the park?"

"Yes. I think utilizing both therapeutic methods together is appropriate at this point in your progress."

"Good." Rachel nodded and sighed. "Can Meg attend with me?" She asked anxiously.

"Not all the sessions, but most. I'd prefer that you attend some on your own. Let's just play it by ear right now. Why don't you invite Meg to Friday's session. I'd like you to come to my office at 1830. We usually have a cup of coffee before we start the session. It helps everyone to relax a bit....." The dark head bowed as she sat staring at the hands folded in her lap. "Rachel, I know you're scared. That's normal. Don't let your fear stop you from doing what you need to do for yourself. This has to be for you. It can't be for Meg or Tory or anyone else. You won't be asked to do anything you're not able to do."

"I've never tried group therapy. I don't know how to talk to strangers about my problems. I mean....., what if I fail? What if I run away and slam the door on y'all? .....I'm scared spitless, Ricky." The tall beauty watched as her fingers trembled.

"I'm sure you are; that's normal. Believe me, everyone in that group had the same fears. Being afraid is alright, but running away is not. Are we clear on that?"

"Yeah. You're coming in loud and clear.....No running." Rachel looked up with moist brown eyes into the sympathetic orbs of her therapist. Getting up from the park bench, she took a few deep breaths, thanked Dr. Morgan and headed for Cherry and the freedom of the open road.

***

The wind blew through long dark tresses as she sped down the causeway over Lake Pontchartrain in her candied apple red classic mustang. The 29 mile bridge provided her a panoramic view and a feeling of complete freedom, stripping away the strain and stress of the day. Reaching the North shore, she turned around and headed back to New Orleans and the woman she hoped to spend the rest of her life with.

***

Rachel peered in through the screened door and called out to Meg. "Meggie, dawlin, you home?"

"Be right there." Meg called out from the kitchen. The petite blonde dried her hands on a dishrag and hurried to unlatch the screened door and invite her girlfriend into the little shot-gun house. She pulled the much larger woman into her parlor by the hand and hugged her tightly to her bosom. "Missed you..... How was your session today? Did Ricky give us her blessing?" Meg wiggled her eyebrows.

"Dr. Morgan wants me to join a therapy group for survivors of sexual abuse." Rachel blurted out. "They meet on Mondays and Fridays. You can come to some, but not all, of the sessions. She said to invite you to come with me on Friday....."

"Hey, hey, hey, slow down, Rachel." Meg placed her hands on Rachel's chest, then took her hand and led her toward the rear of the house. "Come on in the kitchen and I'll drip us some coffee then we'll sit down and you can tell me all about Ricky's plans."

Rachel fidgeted in her chair, watching the object of her affections busy at the old Magic Chef stove. She admired the soft, long golden hair, the strong back that tapered to a tiny waist then flared out to soft round hips. She followed down the well muscled yet slender legs, then back up again. She found a warmth building in her belly as the desire to touch and stroke the woman before her grew. She stood and walked up behind her, wrapped long arms around her partner's waist as she nuzzled her neck. "Mmmm, you smell delicious." Rachel purred. She moaned with pleasure as the little woman in her arms leaned back against her, bent her head back and nipped her chin. Rachel's right hand slid up her flat belly, between firm breasts and pet the exposed neck. She kissed Meg's jaw, cheek and temple, then rubbed the fuzz on the soft cheek with her own. "Turn off the stove and kiss me." Rachel instructed and Meg obeyed with haste. She turned into the loving arms of her beloved and accepted soft lips. The kiss was slow, each woman relishing the texture and taste of the other. "I've missed this more than I can say, Meggie." Rachel confessed, holding her beloved's face in her two hands, gazing adoringly into green eyes that mirrored her own.

"Me too, love..... God, but you feel good to me." Meg exclaimed as she explored the body before her. There was such contrast between the hard lean muscle of the long arms and the ever so delicate softness of the ample breasts. The little woman smiled at the shiver her touch provoked. An insistent hand pulled her toward luscious cleavage, which was all the encouragement Meg needed. She wrapped her arms around Rachel, pulled her closer and buried her face in the sweet smelling flesh. Running her tongue into the valley between her lover's breasts sent both women's ardor soaring.

Rachel took in a shaky breath. "Let me....."

Meg let her tongue run the length of Rachel's cleavage one more time then raised her head in query. "What is it, love? What do you need from me?"

Strong arms pushed her lover away from her warm flesh, gently, so she could look into her eyes. "Let me make love to you, Meg. I need to have control. Please!" Rachel beseeched.

Meg gazed into dilated pupils and gave a slight nod, somewhat afraid of what might come.

Rachel didn't hesitate. She lifted her lover onto the kitchen counter and kissed her passionately, deeply, commandingly. Meg felt trembling fingers unbuttoning her blouse as a hot mouth latched onto her neck. The blouse was discarded and she leaned back, offering her bare breasts to Rachel's admiring gaze. Long fingers ran teasingly over her nipples, hooded brown eyes watching the areola contract and the nipples grow. Meg's breathing hitched as she became more and more aroused. The dark head leaned in and it's hot tongue lathed the plump flesh. Rachel moaned her own arousal. Lifting Meg's breast and taking the nipple into her warm mouth she suckled upon her. Meg held the dark head in place with both hands, whimpering her encouragement. Rachel raised her head to address her lover. "I need to taste you, Meggie, help me get your shorts off." Meg nodded her agreement, then raised her buttocks so they could slip them off. Rachel looked at the object of her lust, she pet the soft curly hair that guarded her partner's sex and breathed deeply of her scent. "You smell so good." She purred, then quickly slipped her arms around Meg's bottom and positioned her legs over strong shoulders and rubbed her face in her partner's nectar. She licked and sucked the clitoris before her.

"Oh God, Rachel! Oh yeah!" Meg panted as her sex was being devoured by her lust filled partner. Rachel was inspired by her lover's verbal responses and entered her with two long fingers and pumped into her. She reveled in the power she had over her lover's passion. The feeling was intoxicating. Rachel's own clit throbbed as she felt her lover's vagina rhythmically contract around her fingers. She slipped her tongue under the hood of Meg's engorged clitoris and separated strong fingers as she pumped, increasing the pressure and the pleasure of her lover's climax. Meg screamed out her release, unbearable pleasure shooting through every fiber of her being, her vision faded as all the blood in her body was called to her center. The small body trembled and quaked as Rachel lowered flaccid legs. Powerful arms pulled Meg's buttocks to the edge of the kitchen counter, allowing Rachel to mount her partner's thigh, pumping with all her might, desperately seeking release. The once beautiful features contorted with need. Her head flew back, teeth clenched as she came powerfully upon Meg's flesh.

Rachel sucked air deeply into her heaving lungs and rested her head upon her lover's shoulder. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you." Rachel asked, fearing she'd been too rough with her much smaller lover.

Meg smoothed back Rachel's hair and kissed her flushed cheek. "I'm fine, love. You didn't hurt me. Why don't we go take a soak together, and you can tell me all about this therapy group. OK?"

Rachel buried her face in Meg's hair, embarrassed and confused by her aggressive behavior. "Can I take a rain check? I need to go. I...um...I'll call you later." Rachel kissed Meg's cheek and hurried out the kitchen door, leaving her lover alone and naked on the kitchen counter.

"Well that went well.....not." Meg shook her head, hopped down from the counter and went to draw her bath, deciding it was better to leave Rachel alone to work out her thoughts.

***

Rachel wiped the sweat off her face and chest as she gulped down a jug of water she'd retrieved from the refrigerator, then poured the remainder in her dog's bowl. She'd taken Sandy to City Park and run until she just couldn't run any more. She tried not to think about sex, Meg or Joey, just concentrated on the pavement beneath her pounding feet. She couldn't understand her sexually aggressive behavior toward Meg and it bothered her deeply. The thought of possibly hurting or frightening the woman she loved was anathema to her. She decided the best thing to do until Friday's group session was work. At least there she felt safe and secure in her decisions and her actions. She couldn't say the same for her private life. After calling the hospital and volunteering to work Wednesday and Thursday on the 3-11 shifts, she took a long hot shower, crawled into bed and hit the disconnect button on her phone. 'I just can't deal with her right now. Ok, so I'm a coward. And, this is news? I just took what I needed and ran like the pervert I am. I don't deserve her to love me. She'll realize that someday soon and she'll leave me. I can't blame her. She deserves so much better than to be with someone as sexually fucked up as I am. Oh Christ! I don't want to think about this anymore.' Rachel went to the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of ambien. She took ten milligrams with a glass of water then quickly crawled back into bed, knowing the sleeping tablets would help in her escape from her thoughts, but not her dreams.

***

"NOOOOOO!!!" Rachel sat up, reaching for the bedside lamp to chase away the terrifying images of her nightmare. Tears streamed down her hot face as she fought to slow her racing heart. "Oh God! Oh God! Meggie, I didn't mean it..... Awww, no..... I'm sorry..... I didn't mean it." Rachel sobbed into her pillow as the nightmare replayed in her tortured mind. She reached for the phone and pressed the reconnect button then Meg's speed dial number. She trembled in fear as she waited for the soothing sound of her lover's voice.

Meg looked at the alarm clock as the phone shook her from the case history she'd been reading. She closed the file, wondering who died. Usually, when she got a call this late, it was bad news of some sort. "Hello?" Meg got no response, but listened intently to the sound of a woman's whimpering on the other end of the line. "Hello? Rachel, is that you?" The whimpering turned into sobs and Rachel hid her face in the pillow, unable to get her emotions under control enough to speak. Meg got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to look at the caller ID box. It was her lover who was in such terrible distress. She took the portable phone back into her bedroom as she began to dress. "Rachel? I'm coming over. Just hold on, baby. I'll be there in five minutes." Rachel nodded her head and hung up the phone.

Meg ran up onto the front porch of Rachel's cottage and let herself in with her key. The only light was coming from the bedroom; Meg ran in. The sight that greeted her broke her heart. Rachel lay in a fetal position sobbing into her pillow, holding tight to her mid-section and rocking to comfort herself. "Oh, Rachel, baby." Meg crawled onto the bed and pulled the suffering woman into her arms. "I'm here. You're safe. He can't hurt you." Meg pet her lover's face and arms, cooing words of love and comfort. "What happened, Rachel? More nightmares?"

Rachel nodded and tried to breath passed the pain in her chest the wailing had caused. "I.....I hurt you..... Oh, God....." Rachel's chest heaved and her face crumpled in agony. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop myself. I'm a monster."

"Rachel, what are you talking about? You've never hurt me. You'd never hurt me. I know that."

"In my dream, Meggie. In my dream I.....I.....I raped you!" Rachel blurted, then turned away from her lover. "I was Joey. It was me forcing myself on you, slamming this huge phallus into you til you tore, screaming for me to stop, to stop hurting you. Oh God....., I'm a monster!!!" Rachel went to leave the bed but her lover's arms stopped her and pulled her close.

"You are not a monster! You are the sweetest most loving woman I've ever had the great pleasure to know. Joey should pay for what he did to you, is doing to us. It breaks my heart to see you suffer this way. If I ever get my hands on that bastard, I'll kill him."

"No, Meggie. Please, don't say that." Rachel turned to look into her partner's eyes. "It scares me to hear you talk that way. He might hurt you and I couldn't live with that."

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to upset you more." Meg said, soothing Rachel's fears and stroking her tear streaked face. "Look, I want to move in for the next few days. I think we need to face this together. Obviously the thought of joining this therapy group is bringing up some heavy fears....."

"Wait. There's more..... I came." Meg's face reflected the fact that she didn't understand. "In my nightmare, I raped you and I.....I had an orgasm. That's what woke me up." Rachel turned away from her lover. "I got off on raping you. I'm no better than he is."

"That's just not true, Rachel. Your memories are messing with your head. You have to deal with it to free yourself of its control. It's going to be hard, but together we can do it. I know we can. I have faith in us."

Rachel smiled wanly and got out of bed, walked into the living room and opened the liquor cabinet. She fixed herself a bourbon and coke in a tall iced tea glass and went to sit out on the back deck. She sat on the chaise in her t-shirt and drank herself numb.

Meg watched from the door for a few minutes then decided it was best to let the woman sulk. She had good reason. Returning to the bedroom, she cleaned up, changed the linens and went to bed, praying to all the angels and saints to protect her lover from herself.

***

"I'm worried about her state of mind, Tory. You didn't see her. She's coming apart at the seams. She never came to bed last night. When I got up this morning she was still sound asleep on the back deck. She just drank until she passed out."

"Where is she now?"

"She's at work. I was finally able to get her up and bathed before I left for my office."

"She won't be home til late. I'll invite myself over for breakfast and have a heart to heart with our girl. Now, it's time for your kick boxing class, so you'd better get into those sneakers." Tory patted Meg on the back and went to attend her clients.

***

Meg showered and dressed in a long night shirt she picked up at her house and sat down at the kitchen table to work on her client files. Sandy sat at the little woman's feet, waiting for his mistress to come home. Several hours passed, Meg finished all of her notes and preparations for the next day's clients. She looked up at the clock to see that it was 2330 and her lover should be arriving home soon. She put the tea pot on the stove in hopes she could spend some quality time with her but it was not to be. At 0100 Meg finally gave up, turned the lights off and crawled into bed.

"Hey, gorgeous... How sweet. You wait up for me?" Rachel slurred from the bedroom door as she looked hungrily upon her lover's body. "I went out with some of the girls after work for a drink at Ruby Fruit Jungle. Now that's a bunch of wild women... Did you miss me?" Rachel began taking off her clothes and walked into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

"Yes, I did." Meg called out.

"Did what?"

"Miss you. I was getting worried."

Rachel stopped and hung her head a moment before responding. "I'm sorry, Meggie. I should have called to let you know I wouldn't be coming straight home. I never meant to worry you." The tall, rather inebriated woman stepped into the shower.

Ten minutes later, Rachel passed through the bedroom, wrapped in a terrycloth robe, toweling her hair dry. "Good night. Sweet dreams."

"Where are you going?" Meg inquired in confusion.

"To get some sleep. See you in the morning." Rachel responded without even looking at her friend, who sat dumfounded upon the bed.

***

"Morning, Glory." Tory bellowed as she threw back the curtains, letting in the early morning sun. "Rise and shine."

"Ugh....., Go away." Rachel groaned into her pillow, pulling the covers over her head.

"Nope. You're fucking up your life and I'm here to kick your lily-white ass."

A deeper groan came from under the bed linens. "Can you kick my ass later. I think I'm gonna be sick." With that a dark form darted from underneath the bed linens into the bathroom with predictable results.

Tory stood over her best friend, holding her hair as she retched into the toilet. "Oh yeah. That's attractive."

When no more would come up, Tory handed Rachel a damp towel and walked out and into the kitchen, where Meg was anxiously waiting.

"Is she alright?"

"This isn't going down in the annals of history as one of her better days, but she'll live. Gonna have a hell of a hang over though. Woohoo! Better she than me." Tory grinned. Meg blanched, inspiring the auburn haired woman to pull her into a warm embrace. "Come on now, Meg. She's a big girl and what she did was stupid and self destructive. She knows it and we know it. Now, she has to pay the devil his due."

To be continued in Part 5 of The Awakening

Sorry for the extreme delay.

Let me know what you think JonyakaLena@webtv.net