VIOLENCE: Considering the WP's 'checkered past', I think it's safe to say that she's no angel.
SUBTEXT/SEX: Nope.
FEEDBACK: Sure...FEED ME!!!!
RATING: PG
NOTE: This is just a little vignette, so it can go anywhere in the XWP timeline. No names are mentioned, but come on...who else would it be? Also, this is my first fanfic, so please let me know how I'm doing.
And now, for those of you who haven't dozed off yet...on with the story....
Once, I thought I wanted you back.
Oh, you were glorious in battle. Blood flew at every swipe of your blade, bodies were hacked open and tossed aside, and everywhere you stepped were death, gore and destruction. Those were the days.
I won't deny that it was that darkness that drew me to you. I think you can understand; it's darkness that likewise draws you to me. And I don't think you can deny it either.
You still have it in you. You've always had it in you. Even when you were young and green, and your skills not yet at the legendary level they now are, you hungered for blood. The bloodlust called to you even as you fought like a lioness against Cortese, even as you wailed in grief over the slain body of your brother. You were born for battle.
And then you met Ceasar. And while the young upstart never once swore allegiance to me, and has done little since to earn my respect, I do owe him for one thing.
He destroyed that last little bit of you that wanted to go back home. He betrayed you and turned your heart black. He taught you the rules of the game, gave you a new purpose.
He led you to me.
Your rage as you marched across the earth, scorching villages, destroying nations, leaving thousands of broken bodies strewn in your wake... beautiful. Whether or not you did it for vengeance or solace, I never stopped to question. All I knew was that you were blood and beauty personified...and you were mine.
And you did have fun, didn't you? You did as you pleased, no longer chained down by that annoying burden you mortals call a conscience. So simple, so black and white. For every kill, you felt more alive. For every battle won, you felt indestructible. You had nations falling at your feet in supplication. Your word was law, and you could've had everything, anything. (Oh, I would have given you anything.)
Still, though. There was always that little spark of light...M'lila saw it, gave her life for it. And Lao Ma, though she didn't know how to nurture it. Borias caught a glimpse of it, that flicker of goodness that existed despite the evil in you; he tried to show it to you, so you could see for yourself the shattered vestiges of humanity that sometimes shined through. You wouldn't let him...or maybe you weren't ready to admit it to yourself.
But when Solon was born, you knew. How could such goodness and purity come from someone so tainted with death?
Somewhere beneath the hard, bloody shield you've built around your heart is the feeble flickering of a tortured soul yearning to love again. (I would have given you my love if I'd known any better.)
The discovery scared you, and you marched a bloody path back to Greece, making sure you lived up to your title of Destroyer of Nations. But all the while, something kept tugging at your heart, a whisper, a suggestion that you fought valiantly to silence. And in those nights when your men set up camp under the stars, sometimes you imagined that in one of those flickering points in the sky lay the peace and comfort you sought, and how close it seemed!
When you met my brother, you found that you could grow to love this goodness in you that you once took for a weakness. When you met the bard, you found that others could too. (Believe me, I know others could too.)
And me? I was incensed! My great tool for destruction has been stolen from me, has been led into a path that transcends even the passions of war, a path I cannot reach. We war gods don't take that sort of thing lightly.
I didn't understand how you could do it, and for a long time, I didn't care to. All I knew was that I will get my deadly warrior back. I always get my way - for eons, I have had my way - and I didn't see why you should be any different. (I know better now.) I saw your destiny, saw how it was meshed so seamlessly with mine, and I was so sure that the only way to fulfill it would be through conquering the world together.
And yet...maybe I'm not so hopelessly evil myself? Despite the call for blood that sings in my veins, there is a small part of me that admires that light in you, admires you all the more for somehow suppressing the violence which I know is simmering just beneath the surface.
And then there is that bigger part of me that even....
Once, I thought I wanted you back - that part of you that harbored such a divine hatred for humanity. But not anymore. I have a feeling that would only drive you further away.
Of all those who are dark, the both of us are the darkest. And yet, as it turns out, even we are not immune to the more sublime tendencies of humanity.
Once, I thought I wanted you back.
And now? Now...
...I just want to love you. If you'll have me back.
FIN