Part 4

Walking unhurriedly back to the hut, Xena's mind wandered. She didn't have any doubts about this. Her love for Gabrielle wouldn't let her do anything else. Xena had been through it before, more times then she cared to remember, and she could handle it again. But Gabrielle had too much to offer the world, to give to those around her. The bard was letting her fear hold her back and Xena couldn't let that happen.

Finally reaching the hut, she looked at the two guards. "You might hear me yell out a bit, but I don't want you coming in for any reason. Is that clear?"

"Yes Xena," they replied in unison.

"Thank you," she said as she walked into the hut.

More time had passed while she was with the goddesses than she had imagined. The sky was dark when she left. Now as she stood in the hut, she realized that no one had lit the candles. The entire hut was in darkness.

"Gabrielle?" The warrior called out, suddenly desperate to make sure that Gabrielle was still there.

"Yeah?" A weary voice came from the bed area.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long, I didn't realize that much time had passed." Xena moved toward the bed, her hand reaching out to find the bard. Feeling soft hair under her hand, she ran her fingers down Gabrielle's check. "I'm so sorry," She murmured.

"Xena, hold me please?" Gabrielle's voice was barely a whisper, but it spoke directly to Xena's heart.

Sliding into the bed beside Gabrielle, she laid down on her back and pulled the bard on top of her. She wrapped her longs arms around the other woman, holding her tightly.

Gabrielle closed her eyes when her ear was rested against Xena's chest, and she could hear the woman's heartbeat. A soft sigh of contentment escaped her lips. There was no doubt in her mind that this would always be her favorite place, laying on top of her strong warrior.

"I love you Gabrielle," Xena whispered, and then bent her head and kissed Gabrielle's forehead.

The instant her lips touched Gabrielle's warm forehead, a flash of bright light came between the two women, blinding Xena instantly. If she had been able to see what was occurring she would have seen the print of her lips on Gabrielle's forehead for a split second before the light faded. Bewildered, Gabrielle called out to the warrior. "What's going on Xena, what's happening?"

Xena's body was assaulted with sudden pain, as though the assault was occurring again, this time to her and in fast motion. Then the fear, and the shame, followed by the anger, and more fear. All of this crashed over her, through her, into her, battering her body over and over again, breaking her emotional barrier repetitively. Until finally she was left with just the residue pain, the emotions that resulted after the act was complete. "Gabrielle," she moaned as her body reflexively curled against itself, protecting herself.

"I'm here Xena, I'm here." Small hands rubbed over Xena, trying to sooth the pain. "Why did you do it? Why?"

"Love…you," Xena whispered as unconsciousness overcame her. The vicious, quick assault on her body taking its toll, giving her no choice but to allow her body to fall into the darkening mist of her mind.

Absently stroking Xena's face, Gabrielle studied her lover. When Xena's lips had touched her forehead, it was like something had sucked her pain away. She could remember everything that happened to her just days earlier, but she couldn't remember how any of it felt. Almost like she was watching it happen to someone else. She could image the hurt, and she could mourn for the lost innocence, but she couldn't feel it herself. Dark bruises had appeared on the warrior's beautiful face, the same bruises that had adorned Gabrielle's face. The bard was sure that if she looked, her own bruises would be gone and matching ones would be found on Xena's body. The physical pain no longer hindered her simply because it wasn't there.

It was impossible for Gabrielle to estimate how long she sat there, Xena's arms still around her, before the warrior regained consciousness. A soft moan came from Xena as she started to come around.

"Gabrielle?" A dry whisper came next.

"I'm here Xena, right here," Gabrielle put her hand over Xena's larger one, squeezing it softly.

All of Gabrielle's fears came full force at Xena as the warrior began to understand how the rape had affected the bard. It was like all her fears were intensified, brought to the surface like exposed lesions which festered in the open air.

Gabrielle pulled away from the warrior's embrace. Looking at the other woman, her concern clearly written on her face, she covered Xena's body with the bed's blanket. "Should…should I get the healer?" She was at a loss, not knowing what her friend needed, not realizing that Xena needed her above all else.

"No!" The warrior vehemently protested. "Please, stay here with me?" The desperate need to keep her lover by her side was overwhelming. It was greater than any need she'd ever had before, any desire, any want. It wasn't fear that caused this, simply the fact that when she was without the bard she felt incomplete and right now she couldn't handle that emptiness.

"Anything you want, love. Anything at all." Gabrielle's voice was soothing, combining with her weariness, and soon putting the battered woman to sleep.

Wonder filled Gabrielle as she realized just what Xena had done for her. That this amazing woman could love her so much permeated her soul with so much power that she thought her body would break apart. She'd never doubted Xena's love for her, but seeing it and feeling it was completely overwhelming. Her heart filled with love, Gabrielle fell asleep, her head resting on her lover's familiar chest.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She was running, her whole body working to take her further and farther. Dread and fear filled her entire body, her soul aching within her, causing her incredible pain. "GABRIELLE!!!"

A camp was suddenly within her line of vision. A familiar form was sprawled on the ground, naked from the waist down. "NO!" She was too late -- again.

"NO!!!" The cry fell from her lips as the dream left her, forcing her awake. "No, no, no!"

Groggy, Gabrielle's mind slowly came to the forefront as she perceived through the fog Xena's dream state torment.

Xena's dark head moved from side to side as she whispered, "Gabrielle, no…," the only outward signs of her distress.

"Xena? It's okay, Xena." Gabrielle instantly used her body to calm the warrior, embracing her firmly.

"No, no!" Xena's voice grew louder as she woke. Sky blue eyes opened fully and she sat straight up in the bed, bringing a clinging Gabrielle with her.

Xena felt the bard before her mind even registered the woman was there. Long fingers reached for Gabrielle, brushing over the blonde's face, needing to reassure herself of the difference between her dream and reality. Her face was filled with pain as she understood her dream. "I…I couldn't do anything, I couldn't get to you in time," her voice shook with uncharacteristic fear. Pulling the bard to her in a crushing, needy embrace she couldn't stop the tears that formed in her eyes.

"I know, Xena, I know…" While she no longer felt the emotions that had resulted from her rape, she still remembered. The memories of her fears ran through her, only this time she was strangely detached. And she did remember the pulling fear that went through her like a knife, slicing into her heart, her soul, her stomach. The way the fear flowed through the rest of her body had been similar to the blood that gushed from a wound, filling her completely.

"You do, don't you?" Xena whispered into the soft hair that held the familiar scent of her lover.

Nodding, Gabrielle slowly extracted herself from the warrior's embrace. Reaching toward the small, wooden stand by the bed, she picked up the pitcher she kept there, making sure it was full before she poured its contents into a cup. Handing it to her quaking lover, she watched as Xena gulped down the water. The warrior hadn't realized how dry her mouth was until her eyes saw the clear water flow from the pitcher into the cup. She emptied it of every drop before putting it down.

The water, plus the moment's reflection, helped clear her head a bit. "I didn't get all the details of this deal," she gave Gabrielle a small smile.

Looking at her gorgeous lover thoughtfully, Gabrielle brought her fingers up and traced the puffy bruises that had appeared there. "It's like you got all the physical reminders of what happened, but when it came to my thoughts and fears…" she faded off, unsure how to express what she wanted to say.

"But, rather than getting your fears, my own fears took over and were made stronger." Xena tried to put it into words for them. "MY biggest fears all were realized that night and so that's what I feel." She looked at Gabrielle, her skin still revealing the touch of the other woman's fingers. "Gabrielle, what's your biggest fear? What were you afraid of?"

Letting her hand fall away from the other woman's face, Gabrielle dropped her eyes as she felt a warm blush spread across her face. "I…uh..." she really didn't want to put her fears, which she knew were irrational, into words. Her stomach began a gymnastics routine as it painfully flipped and contracted with in her.

Just when she thought she'd get sick, she felt gentle fingers run over her cheekbone, sliding down and tracing her lips before moving underneath her chin. A tender, but persistent pressure urged her to lift her chin. Unable to resist the woman behind the pressure, Gabrielle allowed her head to lift.

Instantly she was looking into two eyes so filled with love and compassion that she felt her heart leap into her chest.

"I'm afraid you'll leave me," she said the words softly, aware of the pain even she heard behind them. A warm smile from the warrior convinced her to continue. "After what happened, I was afraid that if you saw how weak I am that you'd try to leave me here."

A strong arm wound around Gabrielle, pulling her to Xena's body. As she was enfolded in her lover's warmth, Gabrielle wrapped both arms around the familiar body.

Stroking the bard's strong back, Xena whispered in a strong voice. "Gabrielle, you are the strongest person I know. Probably stronger than you realize. You have an inner strength that I both envy and admire."

Giving a self-depreciating laugh, Gabrielle loosed her hold slight. "Thank you," she said softly as she stared into Xena's eyes.

Such a precious woman, Xena startled herself with the thought. While she feared it, she gladly accepted the honor of sharing Gabrielle's soul.

"Come here," Xena leaned back so that her back was against the bed's headboard. Patting the spot next to her, she motioned for her lover to sit next to her. Not hesitating, Gabrielle moved to the place the warrior had indicated and gave a small sigh of content as Xena put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"Are you okay?" The bard's brow wrinkled, her concern showing clearly on her face. "I don't want to hurt…"

"Not something you need to worry about," Xena's throaty voice stopped Gabrielle's words. The bard started to protest, but Xena continued before she could say anything. "I know, you'll worry anyway." They shared a small smile. "And I appreciate that. It feels…good to have someone worry about me."

"I can remember I was in a lot of pain. Are you?" Once again Gabrielle's anxiety showed in her face. Her hand moved to Xena's muscular thigh and her fingers gently traced an invisible pattern.

Xena gave Gabrielle a wary look. "Um, well, it's not a comfortable feeling, but it's not one I haven't felt before. The worst seems to be the way it's playing with my emotions." Her nose wrinkled with distaste. So many things I though I'd never feel again, all surfacing at once to attack me. Shrugging, Xena tightened her hold on Gabrielle.

The bard looked at Xena with an open expression of sympathy and empathy. "I didn't…didn't know you'd been through…that." While she wasn't exactly surprised, it wasn't something she'd ever really thought about. Maybe I should have realized… An image of a young Xena, trying to learn how to fight, encountering men like the one who'd kidnapped her, came unbidden into Gabrielle's mind. She felt her anger grow, wishing that she could have been there to save that young girl, to keep her from the hard lessons she'd been forced to learn. It wasn't right…

"Yeah, uh…" she looked down at the hand of her lover which was resting on her thigh. "It was before Lyceus was killed."

"Before…" Gabrielle was puzzled. "But, you were in Amphipolis, right?" This idea didn't fit into what her mind had conjured.

"It really shouldn't have surprised me," the older woman said softly. "But, I guess I felt safe. I was surrounded by my brothers and my mother, I was in the village I'd grown up in." She bitterly remembered how stupid she'd felt afterwards. I should have known that there was no such thing as safe, she thought to herself. Then she looked at her younger lover, at the face that held so much love for her. Well, maybe there's one place that's safe. She looked down again at her lap, feeling the anger that was always in her start to rise. Why can't we all be safe?

"Hey," the voice that spoke to her heart on a regular basis called Xena out of her dark thoughts. She looked up and saw clear green eyes looking back at her. "Do you want to tell me about it?" Another facet of Xena's past had been revealed to the bard and while she didn't want to press the issue, she had a desire to see into what had made Xena into the woman she knew now, the woman who held her heart in such a crushing embracing.

"You know I worked at mother's tavern?" Waiting till she felt Gabrielle nod, she continued, her eyes taking on a far away look as she saw the innocent girl she once was in her mind's eye. "We always had travelers coming through, often various soldiers and mercenaries. They normally left us alone, simply wanting a place to get food and to rest." She saw herself, fifteen summers old, working under her mother's watchful eye, counting till the moment she could get away. Lyceus was working as well, the tow-headed boy grinning easily at his older sister's restlessness.

"That day, a particularly strange looking man came in, dressed as a warrior despite his soft appearance and a quiet manner." The image of the man came into her mind, surprising her that she could still remember what he looked like. He had dark wavy hair which hung limply in his long thin face. His brown eyes shone with a unique kindness and warmth. Unlike most men who came into the tavern, he was polite, and had refined manners. "He…he let me and Lyceus play with his sword after we'd finished our lunch chores."

The man, she'd never learned his name, had been kind to the two of them, telling them how to hold the sword and showing them different moves. He had a gentle smile which he often turned on Xena. "He was nice to us, treating us like adults rather than children. And that night he…took from me my childhood more than any warlord ever did after that."

Lyceus had left to do something or another for their mother. The man told her that he had another sword, which he'd give to her if she wanted it. She had thought it would be a good present for her brother, who seemed enamoured with fighting and swordplay. Agreeing, the man explained that it was with his belongings in the stable. Xena willingly followed him into the stable.

It wasn't until they were in the stall with his horse that his demeanor changed. His kind face altered, taking on a possessed look as his previously gentle eyes roved over her body. She knew she was in trouble when his than hand grasped her arm in a powerful hold which sent pain up her arm. He didn't bother to undress her, ripping her clothing off.

As he took her, Xena's mind wandered, displacing her from her body. Not once did she scream, despite the intense pain he was causing her. Her mind seemed to numb, not letting anything that was happening pervade her thoughts. Instead she pictured her and Lyceus running through the field behind her mother's tavern, the sun playing on their skin, lightening her brother's already golden hair, giving it a reddish hue. They were running, smiling, chasing each other. Someone was calling her name, but she didn't want to leave the safety of her daydreaming. It had been her brother calling her name. He'd come in while Xena was being assaulted. Grabbing the man's own sword, he had slashed and cut until the man ran away. When Xena finally came back to the present, she saw her brother standing over her, tears in his eyes. He had wanted to tell their mother, but Xena refused, not wanting her mother to get worried.

"If I hadn't had Lyceus after that, I don't know that I would have healed. It was so hard when I was afraid of my own shadow. He was there to kick me in the ass when I let myself get depressed, and he was there to listen when I was ready to talk." She silently ruminated for a moment, remembering her younger brother. "You and he were a lot a like. He was mature beyond his years and often had an understanding of the way people worked that was better than my own."

Tears had welled in Gabrielle's eyes as she envisioned the young girl who had once believed in all things good. The rape Xena went through combined with the death of the one person that understood her was like a landslide effect. One small rock starts rolling and soon the entire mountain side would follow, ending in a horrible conglomeration of rocks, plants and trees, dirt, and sometimes people and animals. One event in Xena's life started her downward fall, spiraling until she hit the ground at full force, taking everything and anything she could with her. But Xena didn't need her consolation for the loss of her girlhood right now. Gabrielle knew it wouldn't do the warrior any good to let Xena see her own anger or animosity, rather she needed to let Xena know that she understood that nothing Gabrielle could do now would make up for what had already happened. They had to live their lives today, not in what had already happened.

"Is that what you were going to do with me?" The bard asked lightly.

A confused look shaped Xena's face, her eyes especially conveying her puzzlement. "Do what with you?"

"Kick me in the ass?" She gave a small giggle at Xena's blank look. Then the warrior realized what Gabrielle was referring to and gave a small laugh herself.

"Yeah, if you needed it!" Xena's laugh grew louder as they allowed the humor to penetrate the sadness that had prevailed them earlier.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As the sun rose and set each day, Xena's physical injuries healed. As usual, she seemed to heal unnaturally fast, reminding Gabrielle of their confrontation with the Furies that one time. She had her own thoughts and ideas on Xena's parentage, but she kept them to herself, knowing the warrior probably wouldn't appreciate it.

When Ephiny first saw Xena carrying horrific bruises on her face and Gabrielle's own face clear of any of the marks she'd been sporting after her kidnapping, she stood in amazement.

"Does anyone want to tell me what's going on here?" She asked after she managed to get her jaw closed.

"Nope," Xena answered with a tight smile and walked past the Amazon.

Coming up behind Ephiny, Gabrielle took her friend's arm and guided her after Xena. "Eph, it's a long story."

Studying the bard, Ephiny noticed that her usual healthy glow was back and that her spirits in general felt much lighter than they had before. "You're the bard, tell. Now!" She was completely bewildered by this new event.

Laughing, Gabrielle told Ephiny what had happened, what Xena had done, and what the results were.

"You mean to tell me that THAT warrior right there," she pointed at the woman who was still walking in front of them, "asked Artemis for help?" She couldn't believe it. Not the woman who had taken over the temple in Thessaly.

"Yup, that's her," Gabrielle said, her voice full of love and admiration.

"Wait a minute, I'm not sure I understand this. Lemme try again." Ephiny had a completely confused look on her face. Artemis gave Xena all your pain? How in Hades' name does that work!"

"Don't forget Aphrodite too," Xena said over her shoulder at them. She had known that they'd have to tell the story over and over until the whole village had heard, but she'd be damned if she was going to be the one telling it!

"Of course not," Ephiny replied to the warrior absently, her eyes intent on Gabrielle.

"Apparently, because Xena's love for me was so great, Aphrodite and Artemis decided that they could give her my pain." Giving a little blissful sigh, Gabrielle watched the familiar figure in front of her. "So, POOF!" She snapped her fingers. "The pain was gone, the bruises gone, all given to Xena, who took it willing."

Shaking her head, Ephiny's eyes were wide. "I must be turning into a sap in my old age, cause that was about the sweetest thing I've ever heard!"

The warrior in front turned to glare at her.

Mumbling under her breath, she just stared back at Xena. "I just can't believe that Xena, warrior princess asked for help and it was granted, I mean how often does that happen, not very if you ask me and then…." She continued her muttering for a bit before the noise stopped.

Gabrielle looked over at the Amazon. "Eph, you'd better stop moving your mouth like that, you look like a fish and Xena loves to go fishing."

"Did someone say fishing? Hmmm...Gabrielle, do you want to go fishing later on?" She gave the acting Amazon Queen a dirty look.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Her body was almost better, but her emotions still seemed to constantly be fluctuating. Nightmares permeated her dreams, and every time she woke up she needed to look around the bed to make sure that the bard was still there, that nothing had happened to the woman. Her dreams were so realistic that Xena's heart would be pounding and she'd be sweating when she woke up. On more than one occasion, Xena awoke from a nightmare, feeling physically sick, having to get up quickly to empty her stomach. Lately it seemed that the stress and strain from her dreams was eating at her stomach, leaving her feeling queasy a lot of the time.

One night, after a particularly bad dream that had forced even Gabrielle awake, the two women laid in their bed, Xena holding Gabrielle against her.

"Xena, you never told me what you were afraid of?" Gabrielle thought she knew, but she also thought that if Xena talked about them, it might help. Problems that don't go away on their own need to be addressed.

Leaning over to kiss the top of Gabrielle's head, Xena was silent. The bard tilted her head so that she could look into her lover's eyes. A troubled shadow seemed to be hovering over the woman's head, casting its darkness over Xena's eyes. They sat there, staring at one another, until Xena leaned over and pressed her lips to Gabrielle's. Since the attack, they'd been close physically, but never had taken it to more than the occasional kiss. Just having their bodies close was comforting to both women. They didn't doubt that they would have plenty of chances to take advantage of each other's bodies, but right now it wasn't time for that. Right now they needed to just be together.

The warrior's warm, soft lips probed against Gabrielle's until the bard opened her lips to allow Xena's tongue to slid in, possessing her mouth completely. A few quick movements and Xena withdrew her tongue. The heated kiss slowed, the passion turning to sweet loving touches of their lips, until finally they parted. Both felt the slow boil of their passion, both needing to ignore it for right now, neither ready to act on it.

"That wasn't an answer," Gabrielle's breath was coming slightly harder than usual as she tried to recover from the kiss.

"It wasn't?" Her innocent reply, complete with the slight batting of her eyes, made the bard give her a mock snarl. Laughing, Xena gave her a toothy smile. "Okay, okay. Don't want the wrath of Gabrielle on my hands here." She grew serious as she thought about her answer to the other woman's question. "My biggest fear is and has been for a long time that I would lose you because I was unable to get to you in time when you needed me. It's happened before, when I just can't be there right at the moment I should be, and you get hurt. I'm afraid one day I'll get there too late and find you dead." She finished quietly.

Wanting to tell Xena that it wasn't her worry, that Gabrielle made her own choices, the bard knew that it would be repetitive. They'd had that conversation before, but of course, that wouldn't stop Xena from being afraid of that happening. "I understand," she said simply. And she did. Her own greatest fear was unsubstantiated, and yet it still scared her. She did understand that just because you didn't actually think something would happen, didn't mean you didn't fear it. "So, how do we just move on from our fears? How do we overcome them?" She asked aloud, not really expecting answers from Xena.

"You can't let them rule your life, or your decisions. You have to move on," Xena said absently as she stared at something far away in her mind's eye.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A moon went by as Gabrielle and Xena spent time in the Amazon village. Almost nightly they talked about fears and self discoveries. It was a healing time for both of them, letting their hearts and souls open to each other, becoming more than just lovers or friends. They became soulmates as they listened and talked.

The only thing that didn't seem to calm down was the way Xena's nerves were affecting her stomach. On a regular basis Xena was getting sick, worrying Gabrielle constantly. Once she'd emptied her stomach, she seemed to feel better, but the bard still worried. Trying to relieve Gabrielle of her worries, Xena took every herb she could think of that would help settle her stomach. Even the warrior was surprised when none of them worked. Finally, desperate, Gabrielle asked her to go see the healers.

"Gabrielle, I'm okay, really." Xena protested. Truthfully, while she had a lot of respect for healers, she didn't like going to see them herself. She hated having people examine her, prodding and poking.

Widening her eyes and putting her hands together, Gabrielle used the warrior's own devices. "Please Xena? For me?"

Sighing loudly, and giving a small growl, Xena agreed.

They entered the healer's tent, not surprised to see Tristian on duty. She never seemed to leave, always being there when one of her sisters was hurt.

Someone who'd been spreading the gossip around the village had informed Tristian of what Xena had done for Gabrielle change in conditions. Everyone marveled at how wonderful and dreamy it was that Xena had willing taken on Gabrielle's pain. As a matter of fact, the younger Amazons had started a Xena hero club. They met once a day and talked about nothing but the warrior, writing poems and odes to her, and talking excitedly about who spotted her where and what she was doing. They envied Gabrielle, having such a romantic, powerful, beautiful, strong lover. The older Amazons weren't far from having their own group for the warrior princess admirers, although they laughed at the younger girls' club, they all did pretty much the same thing each day. Gossiping about Xena and Gabrielle's day, what they did, where they went, who they talked to.

Tristian was tending to a young Amazon who had a nasty cut on her forearm when the two women entered. Both the girl and the healer looked up.

"What do we have here?" Gabrielle asked as she approached them. She peered at the young girl, placing her name right away. "Well, Trina, how'd you do that?"

Blushing furiously, the girl looked shyly at Xena who had come to stand behind her lover. Realizing that she was being address by her Queen, she mumbled something incoherent to everyone in the tent.

"Huh?" Xena asked puzzled.

The deep blush grew even redder as the girl tried not to stare at the warrior. "Uh…some of us were pretending to be in a fight, and I accidentally tripped, falling on my knife."

Bewildered, Gabrielle looked at the healer in question, who only smirked back. "Well, be more careful next time, huh Trina?"

Patting the girl on the shoulder, Tristian looked at the stitches she'd had used to close the deep cut. "Looks like you're done here. Keep it clean and don't get it wet, okay?" The girl nodded and hoped off the table. As she ran out of the room, Tristian called out one more thing. "Don't forget to tell your mother!"

"What was that all about?" Xena asked as she moved in to put her arms around her lover's waist from behind.

Giving a deep laugh, the healer winked at Xena. "She tripped and fell because she was looking at you, not where she was walking!" Gabrielle hooted as it was Xena's turn to blush. Giving one more hearty laugh, Tristian took a few deep breaths to recover. "Phew…well," she looked from one woman to the other. "What is it that I can do for you today?"

Gabrielle looked at her lover, who was pretending to be fascinated with something to her left. Using a well placed elbow, Gabrielle got her attention. "I..ah…well, my stomach's been upset lately. I think it's because of the nightmares I've been having since…well, you know." The healer nodded her head and Xena continued. "But, it's worrying Gabrielle, so I promised to come see you."

Nodding, Tristian eyed both women carefully. "Xena, when was your last bleeding?"

Surprised, Xena's eyebrows came together as she thought. "I…ah…don't know…before we came here, I guess, I hadn't thought about it. You don't mean…" her words faded off as Tristian nodded in response.

"I'm afraid it's a possibility, hon."

Unable to understand, Gabrielle looked from one woman to the other. "What are you two talking about?" The she realized…bleeding…"No, no, Xena can't be pregnant, can she? I mean, Artemis only gave her my pain right?" Shaking her head in denial, Gabrielle looked at Xena for answers.

"She gave it ALL to me, which means that I might…might be with child," Xena choked out. She'd already experienced the joys of pregnancy once, but she wasn't sure that it was something she wanted to deal with right now. She and Gabrielle finally could start a life together, they would be able to explore their love, as well as continuing their efforts to fight evil. Where did a child fit into all this? Or a pregnant ex-warlord, for that matter.

Tristian, watched the two women as colored drained from both their faces. "Why don't the two of you go into that room there?" She directed them to the same room they'd been in when Xena had brought Gabrielle.

The examination was quick. As Xena sat up and put her leathers back on, she could tell by Tristian's face that the news wasn't going to be what she wanted to hear.

"You are with child, my dear." Normally she was elated when she could give news of pregnancy. But in this case, she knew that the news wasn't welcome and she couldn't blame them.

Turning to look at her lover, Xena saw realization creep into Gabrielle's face. "You mean I would have been too?" She whispered quietly. Ever since Hope, Gabrielle had held on to the optimism that one day she would have another child. And she would have, but now Xena's having it.

"Yes Gabrielle," Xena answered for the healer who wasn't sure what the limitations of the goddesses' switch.

The sadness combined with warming anger filled Gabrielle slowly. She wasn't angry at Xena, or Tristian, or anyone for that matter. Just at the way this had played out. She could have had another baby. Would I have hated it? She thought of the circumstances in which the child would have been given to her.

"Thank you Tristian," Xena shook the healer's hand.

"Xena, if you want…I do have the herbs…" Tristian had never had to use the herbs before, but they would end the pregnancy if Xena wanted to.

Shaking her head, Xena looked at the bowed head of her lover. "Gabrielle and I need to talk about this before I make any decisions like that." She moved and put an arm around Gabrielle's shoulders, leading her out of the room and then out of the hut. "Hey, tell me what you're thinking?"

Looking up, she realized that she'd faded out. She didn't remember going outside or leaving the healer's tent or any of that. "Uh, just thinking, I guess." She shrugged, trying to convince the warrior that she was okay.

"About what?"

"Babies, or lack there of."

"Figured. We need to decide whether or not we want to keep this baby." Xena spoke gently, wanting to let Gabrielle know that her opinion counted and that it was a decision they would both have to agree on.

With a sudden flash, Gabrielle's head whipped up to look at Xena. "Please Xena, have the baby. Don't just get rid of it."

Startled at the power of Gabrielle's voice as she made the request, Xena stopped walking. Looking around she spotted a big tree off the road a bit. Grabbing Gabrielle's hand, she led her over. Sitting on the ground, she pulled the smaller woman into her lap. "If we let it be born, then what? Do we take it with us while we travel? Do we…settle down somewhere?" She almost choked on the last question. Settling down was definitely not something she wanted. But, if Gabrielle wanted to try…well, she'd try as well.

"I…I don't know," Gabrielle began to cry. The disappointment that welled in her with the knowledge that it could have been her baby overwhelmed her completely. Jumping out of Xena's embrace, Gabrielle ran away from where they sat.

She knew exactly where she was headed even though her tears blurred her sight. When she saw the outside of the temple looming before her, she ran through the main doors. The temple priestess were used to seeing their Queen in the temple, but something about the woman today made them all keep their distance. Her eyes were wild as she ran to the altar. "ARTEMIS! I DEMAND YOU SHOW YOURSELF!!!!"

Some of the priestesses looked at the bard with shock. There she was DEMANDING that Artemis show herself. That was just unheard of.

Waiting a moment without getting a response, Gabrielle began to knock things off the altar. As the priestesses watched they remembered Xena's visit. Gabrielle's destruction of the altar was something they would have expected from Xena. And Xena's quiet approach had been worthy of Gabrielle.

Suddenly, one of the priestesses walked forward, toward Gabrielle. As the others watched, they realized that they didn't recognize this woman. As she got closer, she lifted her hood and slid if off her head, revealing the familiar visage of Artemis. Laying a hand on Gabrielle, whose back was to her, she quietly asked the bard to stop.

Spinning around, ready to flatten who ever dared to tell her that, Gabrielle realized who had made the request and stopped her violent reaction.

"Why are you here, Gabrielle, demanding my presence and wrecking my temple?" Artemis' voice was reproachful, but kind.

"You took my baby away from me!" Her anger still very much present, Gabrielle let it all turn on the goddess.

"The baby, yes." She began to walk away. Noticing that Gabrielle wasn't following her, she gestured for the woman to go with her. "Come, we need to talk." Her eyes squinted as she stopped walking suddenly. "XENA!"

A tall figure came out of the shadows, her face grim. Xena had followed behind her lover, but had decided to let Gabrielle do what she needed to do.

Motioning for the warrior to go with them, Artemis sighed. "You might as long come with us as well. It's something you need to understand." She led them to a small table that had been placed behind the altar. It was a rough wooden table, a few chairs placed haphazardly around it. "Sit, both of you." They did as they were told and the goddess waited till they were settled before sitting herself.

"Now, before either of you speak, I need to explain something to you." She waited until both women acknowledged her words. "The child was a special concern to both me and Aphrodite when we made the switch between the two of you. Gabrielle," she turned to the bard. "That vile man's seed was placed inside of you. But, because of damage done to you before, you would not have been able to have that child." She sighed and put her head in her hands. "You would have carried the baby for nine moons and then when it came time for it to be brought into the world, both you and the child would have died from the effort. That was part of the reason we decided to grant Xena's request. Your role in the Amazon nation's future is great and I am not willing to lose you if I can help it." She grew quiet, giving both women a chance to talk.

Reaching for Xena's hand without conscious thought, Gabrielle grasped the longer hand in hers. "Because of what Dahak did, I won't be able to have children?" The sadness was now complete, filling her more than it ever had before. She had always thought that one day she'd have a house full of children. Of course, traveling with Xena had changed the hope slightly. She envisioned a string of children all following the bard and the warrior, their own little band of warriors and bards. And while she saw how unrealistic it was to dream about that, she still kept it in her heart as a way to keep going.

"Yes Gabrielle." The goddess sounded sad. "This baby is always going to be a reminder to you both of what happened, your own fears will be lived again and again through this baby's life." She saw the startled looks the two women gave each other. "Yes, I know about your fears. That was the other reason Aphrodite and I decided to go ahead with this. You both held fears that you were afraid to share with each other. Being the love goddess that she is, Aphrodite didn't like the thought of you two being in pain simply because your love couldn't grow if you couldn't share with each other. So, you see," she gave a small smile, "we both had our reasons."

"I'm…I'm sorry about the way I came storming in here," Gabrielle apologized.

Giving a little laugh, Artemis stood up. "It's good to keep those priestesses on their toes." She carefully looked at the two women. "Try to remember what you've learned from all of this. And always cherish each other. Your kind of love is rare, so treasure it." With that, Artemis vanished.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It seemed like they'd been away from traveling for too long. Finally deciding to leave the Amazon village, Gabrielle felt herself longing for the freedom of being on the road. Not to mention all the private meadows that she and the warrior needed to explore!

After a few days of being on the road, they heard the familiar sound of rustling brush, and then a whinny.

Joxer came bounding out, Argo in tow.

"I found her! You'll never believe where…"

Cutting him off, Xena took the reins and started talking to her horse in a quiet voice. She'd missed her friend, sorry that she had to leave her on her own for so long.

Both women ignored Joxer, and soon he got bored. "Well, I should get going. Meg sent word that she wanted to see me. So, I guess I'll see you both later." His face fell at the lack of welcome he'd received.

Looking up from brushing Argo, Xena gave him a genuine smile. "Thanks Joxer, appreciate it." And then she returned to talking to the animal.

A huge grin lit his face as he nodded and left, making enough noise to be heard back at the Amazon village.

Almost a perfect day, Gabrielle thought to herself. She and Xena were lying on the furs they'd laid down for their bed. A leisurely day of travel followed by an early camp, and a delicious dinner of what they'd brought from the Amazon village. All of that was finished by an evening of exploring each other's bodies, pushing each other over the edge of pleasure over and over again, sometimes with slow, agonizing eroticism, other times with the fast, heated urge that left them both screaming.

Now Xena was asleep in Gabrielle's arms, soft snores coming from the woman. Not knowing if she'd ever seen anything that completely perfect and sweet, Gabrielle smiled at her sleeping lover. Complete contentment engulfed her, leaving her with a wonderful warmth in her body.

"What are you smiling for?" Xena muttered from her spot on Gabrielle's shoulder.

"You. You're so sweet to watch, did you know that?" It was true, she saw Xena as being completely sweet and innocent when she slept.

"Am not!" Xena protested weakly. They were both silent as they listened to the sounds around them.

"I've been thinking Xena."

"Should I be scared?" The warrior teased.

Ignoring the jibe sent her way, Gabrielle continued her thought. "I want to see what you think, because, I mean, the decision is really yours, but-"

"Spit it out, Gabrielle." Xena interrupted, knowing that her lover could go on and on without actually getting to the point.

"Well, what do you think about giving Meg the baby after it's born?" Gabrielle took a deep breath. While she didn't think she could do it, she had seriously thought about what kind of life theirs would offer a child. Not much of a life, no safety, no place to call home.

Looking up at her lover, Xena smiled softly at her. The warrior had actually been thinking the same thing, wondering how this baby would fit into their life now, and realizing that it wouldn't. They would have to change their life to accommodate the baby and the growing child's need. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Gabrielle. It would solve a lot of our dilemmas. You're brilliant," the warrior praise as she lifted herself up from where she'd been resting. Lowering her head, she brought her lips to Gabrielle's, taking a moment to savor the feeling of the bard's delicious lips on her own. "I love you," she whispered as she deepened her kiss. Feeling the bard's small hands starting to roam her skin, leaving a prickling sensation of warmth up and down her body, Xena laid her body onto of Gabrielle's.

The stars were the only witnesses to the passion that the two women shared, showing their own approval as they twinkled in the night sky. Not that either woman noticed. They were too involved with each other to even think about things like stars or the sky. And that's exactly how it should have been. Total and utter allegiance to one another as their passion drove them out of their individual bodies to form one perfectly complete soul.

THE END



Thank yous….first, thanks to my beta readers: Xenaslaves, E.M. Hamilton, Grace, and Wolfie. Thanks girls for all your help and the encouragement which kept me writing. Also, I would like to thank my editor for all of her help and her endless efforts which kept me from pulling my hair out by finding my comma and spelling mistakes! I devote this story to all of them for their help and friendship. Thank you everyone!

Lisa S.



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