"Xena, do you think we should get some water?" I was looking at the prone form of my mother, lying spread out on the floor of her home in Potedia.

"For what?" I almost giggled when I saw Xena's eyebrows come together in question. She had such cute facial expressions sometimes.

"To, you know, throw on her." I gestured with my arms, like I was actually throwing water over my mother.

"That's just an old crone's tale. Throwing water on her will NOT help her." She brought one of her long slender hands up to rub at her chin as she thought. Such a familiar gesture. "I think I still have it in my saddlebag." Mumbling under her breath, my own breath was caught in my throat. Was it just because I was so in love, or was the warrior princess just adorable? "Be right back."

I watched as she strode out of the house, admiring the way her leathers shifted over her well developed body. If I'd let myself, I could have started to imagine how that body would look without the leathers. Not the time Gabrielle! I yelled at myself. And, I was right. It wasn't the time.

Looking back at my mother, I wondered if this was such a good idea. I don't know what had made me think that this would be easy. "Go in, tell them, then leave. Like the wind." I'd told Xena. She looked skeptical, but she would let me do whatever I thought was best. Of course, I don't think that I was really in the right frame of mind to make that decision.

We'd only been lovers for a short time. I was so happy that I finally could express myself when it came to my warrior, that I wanted the whole world to know. Naturally, the first people I'd thought of was my family. I guess love made me think that telling them would be easy, that they'd be happy for me. I knew when I saw the look on my mother's face as she fainted that I was wrong, very wrong.

"This should work," Xena came back in carrying a leather pouch in her hand. She must have seen the look on my face, because she came to me and put her arms around me, my mother temporarily forgotten. "Hey, we can leave."

"But, we already told her!" I gestured to my mother.

"If we leave her, she'll wake up and think that she had a vision or something."

It was tempting. Just to leave and escape this good intent gone wrong. I looked into blue eyes ready to rage against any storm that tried to tear us apart. I knew she'd do whatever I wanted, that it was my choice and they'd be no reprimands if I took the easy way out. "No," I sighed and laid my head against her strong shoulder. "I don't want to hide anymore. I'll tell them, then we can leave, okay?"

I felt her lean down and kiss the top of my head as her arms held me tighter. There was such an overwhelming feeling of safety in her arms. I knew she was as mortal as the next, but when I was in her arms, it was as though nothing could ever hurt me again. The strength I got from that connection left me feeling like everything was okay and that together we were strong enough to meet any enemy. Even my parents.

Sighing again, I straightened up and started to pull away. Before I could though, Xena put her hand under my chin, lifting so that I was looking into her eyes again. "Hey, anytime you're ready to go, I am too, okay?" All I could do was nod, fearing that I would ask her to take me away right then.

Just as Xena leaned over mother with her leather pouch, Lila came through the door.

"Gab…" she paused a second as she saw mother on the floor. Then she flung herself at Xena, landing on my lover's back, screaming and scratching the entire time. "Leave her alone you centaur eating witch!"

I think I must have froze for a few seconds, the sight of my sister trying to take on the warrior princess catching me off guard. Xena showed great calm. I saw her take a few deep breaths before she turned her eyes to me, silently pleading for me to take care of this.

"Lila!" I had to yell so that she could hear me above her own shouting. I also used a little of what I call my Amazon voice, a commanding tone, to get her attention. It worked because she stopped shouting, her head whipping up to look at me, her eyes wide, her hands frozen mid air. "Get off the warrior and come here."

I don't think I'd ever seen my sister that compliant. As Lila got off Xena, I was flashed a thank you smile from the warrior.

Once my sister was standing in front of me, I started my lecture. Xena might have been able to keep her temper, but I couldn't. "What in Gia's name do you think you're doing?" I'm sure I must have put my hands on my hips as I yelled a habit picked up from my mother.

"I…I…mother…" Stuttering, Lila used emphatic gestures to show what she couldn't say.

"Okay, number one, let's say that mother was in trouble, do you think I'd just stand here twiddling my thumbs? Number two, why would you ever think that Xena would be putting mother in danger? When are you going to learn that she's not some barbarian who can't control her urge to fight?" I went on in that vein for a while longer. When I finally stopped, I had two sets of eyes starring at me, surprise showing in both.

"Gab, I'm…I'm sorry…" Lila's face was white. I think I must have scared her pretty good.

Ignoring her for the moment, I walked over to my lover. She was kneeling on the floor, waiting until I was done before waking mother. Bending to her level, I used my hand to brush against her forehead. "Are you okay?" We both knew that it was a stupid question, but she saw my concern behind it.

"How can I not be okay with you as my protector?" She grinned at me.

I kissed her forehead and stood back up. Turning back to my sister, I gave her my most evil stare. "Don't you have something to say Lila?"

"What's going on?" That wasn't what I had intended her to say. Then again, Lila hardly ever did what I thought she would.

"What do you mean" Exasperation had set in and I just wanted to get on with my task.

"Mother's on the floor, you're protecting the warrior, and I'm getting yelled at! What in Hade's name is going on!?"

"Mother fainted." I hedged around the real issue. I don't really know why, but I felt it was going to be harder to tell Lila than mother or father.

"Why?" Sometimes she was too much like me. Persistence was good in a bard who was getting a story, but from a younger sister, it could be a pain.

"Because I told her something that shocked her." My tone was starting to grow just as annoying as my sister's. It's funny. As much as you think you've matured and grown up, when you're with your siblings all if it's forgotten.

Stamping her foot, and putting HER hands on her hips, Lila didn't back down. "What, Gabby! I'm asking WHAT you said to make her faint!"

I looked to my lover and she looked back, an encouraging, yet amused smile on her face. "Why did your mother have to be so nice?" I asked her.

Laughing, Xena shook her head. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"When we told her, if she'd been mean or angry then I wouldn't have been so gung-ho about telling my parents."

"Oh no, don't blame my mother for this. She can't help the way she is."

Of course, Xena was right. When we'd told Cyrene, she'd put her arm around me and given me a squeeze, welcoming me to the family. It had been simple. No big reaction, no anger or questions. Just acceptance.

I looked back at Lila who was still starring at me, fire in her eyes. "Fine, fine. I told mother that Xena and I are lovers and that we're going to be joined by the Amazons this Spring, okay?"

Lila's eyes got wider for a minute and then she started to shake. For a minute I thought she was going to erupt like a volcano, but soon a high pitched sound came from her. I recognized it right away. She was laughing. "That's a good one Gabby! And I almost believed you!" The laughter shook her body, her legs wobbling under her.

"Fine, you asked, I told you. You don't have to believe me." I went to where Xena was. "Go ahead and wake up mother, Xena. We'll find father, tell him and leave."

Giving my hand a gentle pat, Xena opened the pouch she'd been holding all this time. Pinching something in her hand, she brought out some of what was in the bag. Still holding it between thumb and finger, she snaked it under mother's nose. With a start and a snort, mother's eyes opened and she sat straight up.

"Mother, be still. You might have hit your head." Taking her hand, I steadied her. Quickly, Xena felt the back of her head.

"Small bump, but shouldn't be too bad." She looked into my mother's eyes, waving her hand slowly in front of her face. "I don't think she's done any damage."

With another snort, mother glared at Xena. "Which is more than I can say for you!"

Rising to her full height, Xena just stood, her limbs at her side, but I could see the tensed muscle. She was holding back, but if I were in danger she wouldn't restrain herself any longer.

"Lila, give your mother a hand." My mother could be very bossy when she wanted to. Lila came over and took her other hand. Together we helped her get to her feet. Brushing off her skirt and smoothing her hair, the room was silent waiting for mother's next words.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Gabrielle." She shook her head indignantly. "I know you think you're a woman of the world and that you can make your own decisions, but that doesn't mean that your father or I have to accept them. This is one of many that I can't accept." She darted her eyes to Xena. "I don't know what that warrior has done to you to make you think you love her. Probably threatened to kill you if you didn't do…that is, if you refused…"

I didn't let her finish that. "Mother, how dare you think that I'm incapable of understanding what I'm feeling! And how dare you presume to say that Xena raped me!"

"I…I didn't say that!"

"No, but that's what you were going to imply." Getting closer to my mother, I stared her in the eyes. "I love this woman. I don't expect you to accept or understand. I don't know what I expected. But, since we're to be joined in a few moons, I thought it proper that my family should know."

"I thought you love Perdicus?" Now it was Lila who was questioning me.

Perdicus. I didn't even bother to think that they would mention him. I hadn't thought about him in so long that I'd almost forgotten that part of my life.

"I love Xena. I am in love with Xena. She is the other half of my soul." With that, I walked out of the front door. I needed to think. This was much more complicated than I ever thought it would be.

Taking a left outside of my parents' house, I found the familiar path. Following it, I ended up at the lake. It was a small lake, a dense forest surrounding it on all sides. Most villagers forgot about it, having no use for it, but each year more children discovered it. I had found it one summer when I'd been exploring on my own. I never really fit in with the other kids my age. They were never mean to me, but I just never felt like I was like them -- I felt different. The lake became my refuge.

Finding my log, I sat down and starred at the water. Perdicus. What could I say about Perdicus? He was my husband, but for the wrong reasons. There was a lot of guilt involved for me, which was why I tried not to think about him. I had married him because I had thought I couldn't have the one person I really wanted. Looking back on it, I could have had her, but neither of us was ready to admit where our feelings had gone.

Along came a man I knew from childhood, a man with whom I'd shared so much and he needed me. I admit, I got caught in the whirlwind of emotion. It was like a noble cause to help someone who needed something so much. And, I loved him. But that love wasn't anything like the love I had for Xena, the love that I've had for so long now. I don't know whether to be thankful that Perdicus lost his life or hateful. At least he would never learn that I was in love with Xena or that I wouldn't have been his ideal wife. I think I would have failed him and because of that some part of me is glad he didn't live to experience that.

I hated myself for so long for feeling that way. It intensified the guilt. If I had been true to my feelings and told him no when he proposed, then he wouldn't have been a target for Callisto. He would have lived and gone on to be an old man. But, I did say yes and he was killed, and a part of me was happy. It magnified my need for revenge and I almost lost myself to that driving force.

I can't imagine how life would have changed if he'd lived. I would have been half a person for the rest of my life. I would never have known what it was to experience the true power of love.

I heard the sound of purposefully loud footsteps behind me. I knew she'd come eventually, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I needed her like Perdicus needed me. Only, she needs me back.

"Brie? Can I join you?" Her voice was soft as she gently asked. Such a contrast to how people viewed the warrior princess. She could be the most tender person I'd ever met when she wanted to be.

"Please," I answered just as softly. I felt the log shift slightly at the added weight. She hadn't sat too closely, wanting to give me my space if I needed it. I didn't. Sliding closer to her, I put my head on her shoulder. Her scent was naturally spicy, a mixture of leather, wood smoke, and the compound she put on her leathers to keep them soft. I nuzzled into her shoulder, wanting to bury myself in the feeling that was Xena.

Putting her arm around me, she ran her fingers through my hair, ever so often kissing my head softly.

We sat there until the sun went down. Neither of us said anything. We just took comfort in our closeness. I was lost in my thoughts when she finally did say something. "Where do you want to sleep tonight?"

This was her way of asking me if I wanted to leave. We'd been planning on staying in my family's barn, but if we wanted we could put some distance between us and Potedia tonight and camp out under the stars.

I wanted to run. I wanted to get away from the questions that had been asked and the questions that I knew would still be asked. But, if I ran now I'd be running for the rest of my life. "The barn, I guess."

Silently she stood up, stretching toward the moon that had risen while we'd been sitting. I stood as well, watching my warrior. After her stretch, I put my arms around her neck. Getting on my tiptoes, I caught her lips with my own.

I meant it as a simple thank you kiss, but it turned into so much more. Passion ignited between us. Mouths opened and tongues began to dance. The familiar feel of her tongue against mine and then her mouth against my tongue sent shivers down my spine. Waves of desire and want combined creating a tremendous warmth in my body. I could tell that Xena was feeling it too as her breaths quickened and her arms reached around my waist to bring me closer.

We didn't speak as we both moved to lay down on the forest floor. The kiss continued, a frantic pace ensued. Not breaking away, hands reached out to unbuckle armor and undo buttons. My mind was so hazed with lust that I couldn't tell who was undressed first, but it wasn't long before I could feel Xena's skin against my own. It was so magical; the feel of her strong, naked body against mine, like we were so close that we almost formed one body. I know I moaned at the contact, not able to keep the desire contained.

It seemed like simultaneously we reached for each other's breasts. Her rough hands started to pinch and squeeze my nipples as I enclosed my hand on her breast. In the same manner we later both reached down between us, never breaking the contact of our lips as hands crossed and we each found the other's wetness.

I felt her hand against me, opening me up to the chilled air even as I found her hooded button and began to caress it. Soon our fingers moved together toward the ultimate goal. I slide three fingers into her and soon found the pace that her fingers already had established within me.

The climax hit me hard and unexpectedly. I rose up and fell over the edge as Xena stroked me to the maximum pleasure. I returned the favor and she joined me in the brilliant culmination of our love and passion, both of us moaning into the other's mouth.

We stayed by the lake a little longer. I took refuge in my love's arms as I let the aftermath of lovemaking wash over me in gentle waves. Eventually we agreed it was time to get back to town.

We didn't see either my parents or Lila once we got back. Argo was in the barn, her saddle off. Finding the rest of our gear, we unpacked out bedrolls and curled up for the night in the corner of the barn.

I woke late the next morning, finding that Xena had already gotten up and gone somewhere. Fighting the desire to stay in bed, I forced myself up and changed into my regular clothes. I had just gotten my skirt straightened out when a dark head peered in through the barn door.

"Morning, Lila." I called out to her before she saw me.

"Gab, are you alone?" She looked around suspiciously.

"Just you and me."

"Can I talk to you?" Great, more talking. But, she was my sister. I owed her that much.

"Sure."

I sat back down on the bedrolls and patted a spot next to me. She scurried over, her eyes darting about like she was worried she was going to get ambushed. Settling in next to me, she took a minute to look me over.

"You look different, but you still look like Gabrielle." She said critically.

"Of course I'm still me. Who else would I be" She wasn't a child and I was getting tired of her being so impractical.

"I don't mean you'd be someone else, I just thought that…I don't know, there'd be a change."

"Why?"

"Because you like women now."

I had to laugh. "That doesn't change who I am. I'm still me."

"Can I ask you something?" She was quickly moving from subject to subject, catching me more off guard each time. I nodded in response this time, not really wanting to hear the question. "Which one of you is the guy?"

"Huh?"

"You know, when you're in bed?"

This one really was pushing the limits. We weren't the only same sex couple around! Why didn't Lila have a better understanding of how this worked? "Neither one of us is the guy, ever. It sort of defeats the purpose of being with a woman, don't you think?" There was a hint of sarcasm to my reply.

"Do you love her? I mean, really?" She asked it quietly this time, like she really just wanted to know how I felt.

"Lila, I love her with all my heart. I have never felt so strongly about anyone or anything. She completes me." It sounded simple, but to me it was a simple as that.

"Does she make you happy?"

I thought about that, not because I didn't know the answer, but because I wanted to think about it before I put it into words. "She makes everyday worth waking up to. She fills my life with so much joy and love that I would be a fool to be anything but happy. Yes, Lila, she makes me very happy."

Suddenly, Lila threw her arms around me. "Gabby, that's all I want. I just want you to be happy." I felt her tears on my neck as I realized what she was saying. "I love you Gab."

"I love you too Lila." I squeezed her tighter. "Thank you."



I spent the morning with Lila, talking to her about life and how it really isn't what you ever imagined you would be when you were a child. When we were children we had shared so many of our dreams and hopes with each other in the darkness of our room. When I looked at my sister's face I could see the girl I'd grown up with. So many dreams and hopes had been shared between us. I think that when I got homesick while with Xena it was because I missed the innocence of being a child. My sister reminded me of that and it made me realize that I could never go back to the simplicity of life as a child. I knew that, of course, but there was still a part of me that wished I could go back. Being with Lila that morning I knew that even though I longed for it, I would never actually go back, even if the chance were before me. I loved my life too much now. All the hardness, the weariness, the danger, it was all worth it to me because I had made my own life, not the life that was expected of me.

I knew that I was avoiding what was left to do by staying with Lila so long. My father was the last to be told, not that mother probably hadn't already told him.

My father and I always had a strange relationship. At least I thought it was strange. As his daughter, his eldest daughter, I think he put a lot of expectations on my shoulders. I was the one who was supposed to clear the way, forge ahead, and make him proud. I don't think I'd done any of those things. For so long I thought my father was a god, so strong and powerful. It wasn't until I got older that I saw the vulnerable cracks in him. I think it almost hurt me to know that he wasn't invincible. I'd put him on such a pedestal that when he fell, I think I fell too.

He was never abusive toward me, at least physically. I was a lot like him, I think, and he saw in me his chance to make things right. He'd been a story teller when he was growing up, but rather than being able to indulge his talent, he was forced to work the fields like everyone else. I think that made him bitter, but he knew his responsibility and didn't complain.

Growing up, the only real abuse he displayed toward me was indifference. I can see now that he was struggling with letting me find my own talents and wanting to live through me. But, when I was just a child, I couldn't understand why he didn't seem to have any interest in me or my life.

Maybe that was one of the reasons I never felt that I could stay in Potedia. If even my father couldn't show me the attention that I needed, how could anyone else? I was betrothed to a man who was in many ways like all the men in the village. But, would that be enough for me? I didn't think so. It wasn't hard for me to leave. The beauty with the raven colored hair had made my decision for me with just one look. I'd like to think that I knew the first time that I saw Xena that she would be the one who could understand me and love me the way I needed.

Anytime we'd visited Potedia, my father kept his distance. Just more indifference to add to my lifetime. He'd made it clear that he didn't like Xena even before I ran off to be with her. The fact that his eldest daughter had defied all conventions for this woman made it easy for him to hate her.

It had taken the time away from him for me to understand this. I had little compassion for him anymore, but he was my father, and for that reason I would always have respect. I found him after the midday meal in the barn. He had a horse shoe clamped to the iron forge in the corner, a hammer in his hand as he tried to pound the piece of metal back into shape.

"Father?" I approached him quietly, his back to me. I knew that surprising him would only make the situation worse.

"What is it that you want from me?" He didn't bother to turn around, his firm voice floating over his shoulder.

"I wanted to tell you something."

"Your mother already told me." A trace of bitterness escaped his stoic calm.

"I…I wanted to tell you myself." I closed my eyes. "I need to tell you myself."

Whirling around, hammer still in his hand, he finally faced me. "Why? Why should it matter if you tell me or if someone else tells me? It doesn't change it and it doesn't make me like it anymore." His mouth formed a tight line as he waited for an explanation from me.

"I love her, father. I just needed to tell you that. I didn't want to hide anymore." I looked down at my hands, wishing I knew more about this man who'd fathered me. He was always a stranger to me, even when he was my hero, I still never really knew him.

"Would you like me to clap? Would you like me to throw a party for the two of you?" I watched his hand on the hammer as it clamped and unclamped the handle. "Gabrielle, you should have known this information wouldn't go over well with us. Did you tell us to hurt us? Are you being malicious on purpose?"

"No father, I just wanted to share something from my life with my family." The tears in my eyes started to fall down my cheek. They made warm paths to my chin, falling down and leaving wet marks on my shirt.

He laughed bitterly then. "Fine, daughter," he put a lot of emphasis on that last word. "You've shared, we've told you how we feel." He turned back to the forge. "Why you should choose now to share your life with us, I don't understand." He muttered this, probably thinking that I wouldn't hear him. One of may things I'd learned from Xena was how to hear what people didn't want you to.

I quickly got over being sad, I was getting angry. I gave him an echoing bitter laugh. "You're right, this was a mistake. Why did I think that you would care this time when you never cared in the past!"

"I stopped caring the night you ran away from your home and those that loved you. I stopped letting my heart hurt because you were so selfish." My father turned back around, his voice lower this time, hammer still in his hand.

"You never cared before that, so I'm sorry that I expect to much of you this time." A battle of words was not the solution. "I'm sorry that you can't be happy for me father, and I'm sorry that you think me selfish. But, I am not sorry that I left and I am not sorry that I've fallen in love with Xena. Goodbye father." I turned around and left the stable. As I walked out the door I literally ran into the brick wall that was my lover. Looking into her eyes, not moving away from the warmth of her solid body, I felt her arms go around me. "Hi."

"Hi."

I knew by the quiet tone in her voice that she'd heard all of it. In a way that was easier because then I wouldn't have to replay the encounter, but I wasn't completely sure that I wanted her to know that. I can't explain how it felt, but I was embarrassed by my father's callous attitude and I was ashamed that he thought so poorly of me.

It was then that I knew that I had to live my life to please myself, not to make them happy. I had been away for a long time, but I still wanted to make my parents happy and I still wanted to be in their favor. This was one issue we'd never see eye to eye on and I had to accept that and move on.

As we left Potedia, I told Xena that. We were both on Argo, riding at a pretty decent pace. Sitting in front, I had the comfort of Xena's arms around me. She said something that I have never forgotten and something that will always be close to my heart.

"Gabrielle, it takes pride to be able to stand up for yourself when you think something is right. And it takes love to tear down walls. Your love has torn down mine, and with time it might tear down theirs. But, remember one thing. I am very proud of you for what you've done."

THE END


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