~ Willow ~
by Mapsnika
mapsnika1@yahoo.com

"It's almost time. You may want to take this time to say what you need to say before it's too late," the nurse gently stated to the young woman who was sitting in the lounge nursing a cup of coffee. Looking up from her coffee she gave the kind nurse a weak smile. "Thank you Leslie. I appreciate everything you have done for my aunt. She is the only family me and my sister have left."

"Your aunt must have lived a fascinating life. Her friend talked about some of the things that they shared together throughout their lives. They have been friends for a long time," stated Leslie.

"Yes they have. My sister and I have been fortunate that we have always been able to tell her our thoughts and feelings. She always insisted on nothing less. I think she and her friend still have things they need to say to each other. How is she doing? I haven't had a chance to ask her nieces. It's amazing that we placed our aunts at the same place. I guess the fates destined it to be."

"Her condition is worse than your aunt but she seems to be hanging on to be there for your aunt. To be honest I'm not sure how she lasted this long. Your aunt asked that she be moved into her room. Her nieces agreed that it would be a good idea."

"That's good. I was going to suggest that anyway. I will be in to tell her? goodnight?before I leave," she said with a pause as she quickly wiped at the single tear.

Nurse Leslie gave the woman a sad smile as she left her to her own thoughts. She thought to herself that how odd it was that she had just had a similar conversation with the other set of women who were waiting for their aunt to transition.

65 years ago?

freshmen year?

No one really remembers how they became friends. They were the most unlikely of people to form a friendship let alone even speak to each other. But friends they became.

"Hey, what are you doing afterschool today?"

Turning around in her desk to look at the pest causing her to not be able to hear the teacher she responded in a whisper, "Studying! Be quiet."

A few moments later. "Hey Diane, did you complete the homework for history yet?"

"Would you stop talking to me? You're gonna get us in trouble."

"Did you hear about Jane and her boyfriend?"

Reaching her limit, Diane turned in her seat and said louder than she intended, "Shut up Rene!"

"Diane is there something you wanted to share with the rest of the class?" Ms. Davis chastised.

She quickly turned back around in her seat and with a grunt she looked at the paper on her desk and simply replied, "No."

Rene sat pretending to pay close attention to what was being taught with a Cheshire cat grin on her face. Once the class settled back down, her attention was focused on the girl sitting in front of her. 'I wonder why she never tells the teacher that I was talking to her.'

end of junior year?

Rene was sitting by herself at one of the outside lunch tables eating what could passably be called food by the school dietician. She figured if she washed it down with a coke she would be able to stomach it.

"Hey Rene, what you doing?"

She looked up having to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun bouncing off the aluminum table. "Nothing just trying not to die of food poisoning," she said as she waved her half eaten processed burger in front of her face. "What's up? Hey, did you study for that test in Mrs. Johnson's language arts class? I'm probably gonna fail it."

Sitting down at the table, Diane pulled out a baggie with some cut up vegetables and a diet soda. "Yeah. I think it's going to be a piece of cake. If you just remember the notes on what she talked about, you should be fine. She just likes to hear herself talk anyway."

"I'm just glad this shit is almost over. You decide where you're going to college yet? I don't think I want to go to college. I'm tire of people telling me what to study and what I have to learn."

"Yeah I think I have it narrowed down to a few choices. What are you going to do if you don't go to college? What's your mom say about you not going to college especially after she paid for you to go to that fancy private school for junior high?"

Rene looked down at her half eaten food. She didn't look at her friend as she answered her questions. She didn't know what she was doing and what she wanted to do with her life.

"I haven't told her yet. I'm not ready to deal with that right now. I probably will get a job, maybe move out. I think I would like to go out of state. Not really sure. "

The pair sat there in silence for a few moments until the bell rang for their next class. They got up and walked slowly in the direction of their hated language arts class.

the end of senior year?

After school they walked toward the edge of the school grounds to go in opposite directions home.

"Can you believe that cow Mrs. Taylor?" Diane yelled. "She asked for our opinion and when we give it to her, she tells us we are wrong. I hate that woman!"

Rene just laughed. It was funny when her friend got riled up about the teachers. Although in this case, she and the rest of the class would have joined a boycott of the class if she gave the battle cry.

"Hey don't let it worry you. This crap is almost over. You already got into the school of your choice," Rene said trying to make her friend feel better.

"Yeah I know. Hey have you told your mom yet?"

"About what?"

"You haven't told her?" Diane yelled. "I bet you haven't even told her about you getting back together with your boyfriend. Are you two still planning on going to the prom?" she asked as she lightly hit Rene on the arm.

"Ow! I will tell her. He's just someone to go with. I have to go since I helped plan the thing. Plus he's a good dancer. So are you going with Dave or are you going to ask Ahbib? Your father would love that," Rene said as she burst into a full belly laugh.

"Shut up! He was a good kisser. I probably will go with Dave. Last hurrah and all before I go off to college. You coming to the thing at my house this weekend?" Diane asked.

They stopped on the sidewalk. "Yeah it sounds like fun. It's a good thing my mother likes you or she would give me hell for going to a party. I can't wait until graduation. Hey see you this weekend," Rene said as she started to walk in the opposite direction to her home.

"See ya," Diane responded as she walked in the direction of home.

Graduation was filled with the excitement and anticipation for most people. Classmates were headed off to the colleges of their choice or other prospects for their futures. It was obvious that graduation was not just a welcome time for the graduating class, at least those that were graduating. Even though it was one of the largest senior classes it would go down in history as one of the smallest classes to be receiving their high school diplomas. The faculty was even more excited that this class was graduating and going out to wreck havoc on the rest of the world and leaving them the hell alone.

Rene was happy that she was one of those that would be receiving her diploma. She had a rough senior year especially when it came to academics and other things in her life. She knew that she just made it when it came to her grades to be able to graduate. She knew she had the smarts but found it hard to focus with all the other shit on her mind. She had made plans to go live with her biological father and try to reconnect with him since their relationship was in the form of a card on her birthday. The first time they had spoken to each other after he divorced her mother, she was twelve years old. She thought she may even try to go school where he lived. Following true to form, he told her at the last moment that he couldn't afford to pay for the flight right after promising to pay for her to fly out. That was the last time she spoke to her father.

She never talked to Diane about it. It was easier if everyone thought that her step-father was her real father and she didn't have a deadbeat dad.

Diane jumped into her college life. She seemed happy that she was in another city but still close enough to her family. Rene was still stuck at home working in a job that she told herself that she would never take, fast food.

Rene finally had the conversation with her mom about college. That's the reason she was working in fast food, going to a community college and still living at home. The conversation did not go well. Looking back on it now that was probably a good decision for her for the most part.

To Rene it seemed that Diane was starting to put together her life. She found a field of work that she excelled at and was even dating a man that appeared to be her intellectual and emotional equivalent. She had had a couple of mis-steps in the dating pool but was finally able to make a good match. Rene was happy for her friend. She was overjoyed that they remained friends after high school because so many of her classmates moved on and lost touch.

During one of their regular phone calls, Diane found herself talking to an excited Rene.

"Hey Diane, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing, trying to not have to work. What's up?"

"Do you want to go to a concert with me?"

"Who's playing?"

"Joan Armatrading."

"I've never heard of her. I don't know if I want to spend the money to see someone I don't know," Diane said with trepidation.

Feeling desperate Rene offered, "I will pay for your ticket, if you go with me."

After a few moments of thought, "Ok I will meet you at the amphitheatre. Maybe we can get dinner afterwards?"

"Thank you. I think you will really like her. Even if you don't like her you're just out money for dinner. See you Saturday at 6pm," Rene joyfully responded.

That was the first of many of her concerts that they attended together.

Rene was able to find a career path in cooking and was actually good at it. She was considering going to the National Cooking Academy to try to realize her dream of becoming a chef and opening her own Bistro. Working in hotels and restaurants Rene realized that being a woman, especially a woman of color had its limitations in a field dominated by men.

She still was having the conversation with her mother about going to college. She knew it was something important not only to her mother but to her as well. After Rene had finally moved out of her mother's house, she started to go back to community college to work on getting her classes if she decided to go back to a four year college. She also knew that when she was in school, she didn't get involved in activities as much that could cause her trouble. That probably explained the French guy she dated for a minute. It's a shame that one man could sour her taste for a whole country. To be fair he wasn't as bad as the African guy she went out with on one date. At least the French guy could kiss. Rene finally did decide to go back to college and a whole new world opened up for her.

Diane's life was moving in positive directions both professionally and personally. She even talked the guy she was living with into wising up and asking her to marry him. Rene was happy for her friend. She really liked her husband especially since they had things in common.

While attending college away from the town she grew up in, Rene was making some new discoveries about herself. She was meeting a new group of friends who had different experiences from the people she grew up with.

There were many things that she could never tell Diane about her childhood mainly because there were many things about her childhood she couldn't remember and other things that she was too ashamed to talk about with anybody. So when she finally came to the realization about her sexuality, her biggest fear was telling those closes to her. Diane was the first person she wanted to tell, she was hoping that their close friendship would withstand the news. She didn't have the nerve to tell her in person so she opted to write her a letter. She spent many hours and many drafts trying to compose the right letter until finally she opted to bury the news within a letter full of her ramblings about everything and nothing.

Dear Diane,

You're the first person I need to tell? I've been trying to find the right way to say this?. I hope you won't hate me but I'm gay.

Your friend,

Rene

As long as it took her to compose the letter it took about the same length of time to mail the letter. She tried to forget that she mailed it, afraid about what it would mean if she was rejected. She was afraid to tell others from her old circle of friends.

It hadn't been a full week until the phone rang. Thinking that the call was for one of her roommates, she picked up.

"Hello," she answered cheerfully.

"Rene! You are such an idiot. Is that how much you think of me? You send me a letter. What did you think I would do? Hate you? You are my best friend. I love you. Plus I was going to tell you if you didn't figure it out soon anyway," Diane said with softness and laughter in her tone.

After that Rene was able to come out to most of the people in her life save one. Being able to tell Diane and having her react so positively meant the world to her. Later Rene had to laugh about the fact that her sexuality was more of a major issue of stress than her race for Diane to accept.

Life continued on for both women. Both had started to make strides in their respective careers. It was interesting that they went in two separate directions. Diane went into the corporate field while Rene went into the social service field. Both women seemed happy in their chosen careers and content with their lives. Rene had finally found someone who she could share her life with.

They spent time with each other on the off weekends catching up on their lives. They would try to see each other on the major holidays especially Christmas if only to exchange gifts and offer well wishes to each others' parents. Rene liked Diane's folks. They were always accepting of her and offered support. She never felt she had to pretend about who she was when around them. Rene's mother always admired Diane and always asked about her when her daughter would visit her.

As life went on it brought the trials and occurrences that come about when one continues to be an active participant in the world.

Time also unintentionally pushed the two friends further away from each other. Becoming so wrapped up in their lives, falling into the habit of not staying connected became easy. Rene made attempts to contact her friend but she was either out of town, unavailable or didn't return calls. She had given up trying to connect with her friend figuring that their friendship had come to the end of its lifespan as many of her other friendships had done. It made her wonder if Diane had finally grown tired of giving more than she received in their friendship.

A few years later, Rene came home to a telephone message. She replayed it multiple times trying to figure out what she wanted to do about it. The message stated:

Hello Rene. I know it's been a while. I have been thinking about you lately. I thought that it would be okay if I didn't have you in my life anymore. But I realized that that wasn't true. Please call me so we can get together. Hope to hear from you soon.

Rene discussed the call with her partner.

"What do you want to do about? At least you know she still has your phone number," she asked trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't know. I guess I will call her. We can at least talk," Rene answered.

Of course it took her about a week to call her because of her fear of the unknown. They made arrangements to meet for dinner. It was as if no time had elapsed between them. Diane discussed the personal issues that she had been dealing with over the past years. She was sad for what her friend had gone through and distressed that she was not able to be there to help her. They never talked about the message but both women were happy that they had reconnected.

Life continued on for the women, their friendship continued to strengthen with time. They were there for each during the joys, hardship and sorrows that came.

Diane was at Rene's bedside the year she suffered a heart attack. She had retired from her work in social service and was able to write the novel she had always dreamed of writing. But after getting ill she lost her desire for everything, even to get well.

One evening when Diane came to visit her she found her sulking on her coach watching old re-runs of some science fiction show in an old bathrobe eating a bowl of popcorn drinking cranberry juice. It had been six months since getting ill and her doctors had said that she had made a full recovery.

Knowing that she wouldn't answer her door Diane used the key that she insisted that Rene give her after she had fallen ill. "Hello Rene. How are you doing?"

"Fine. I don't have anything stronger than juice to drink. I would kill for two fingers of tequila though."

"When's the last time you left your house and ate something besides popcorn?" Diane asked in a stern tone.

"I had a Peanut butter sandwich last week. I'm fine. I'm an old dyke and I'm doing what old dykes are suppose to do," Rene quipped sarcastically.

"What's that?"

"Wait to die."

"Hmm. So where are all the cats? I thought old dykes were supposed to have a bunch of cats when their partner is gone and they are all alone," Diane said with a laugh.

"I sent the cats out to be cleaned. I can't stand the fur." Rene tried not to smile. She silently cursed her friend for always being able to make her feel better.

"Come on old woman. Get up and get dressed. We're going to dinner and I'm buying you two fingers of tequila. If you are going to die at least have fun."

"Hey! Old woman? I'm younger than you are."

"Only by five days. Now hurry up cat lady, we're not getting younger."

They went out and had an expensive dinner and several cocktails. They laughed and reminisced about their lives discussing all the things they wish they would have done in their lives. And thanked their lucky stars for all the things that they were able to do in their lives. By the end of the dinner, Diane convinced Rene to continue to write her novel and not get any cats.

"Rene?Rene, your friend is asking for you. Do you feel strong enough to get out of bed?" Nurse Leslie gently asked waking the elder woman.

Wiping her eyes, she slowly nodded to the nurse. She helped her to the wheel chair and placed her next to Diane's bed. She took her friend's hand in hers.

She looked at the nurse as she asked, "Have the children come to see her yet?"

"Yes they have and they both told her goodnight right after your nieces came to see you," Leslie said with tear rimmed eyes. "She told them that she wanted to talk to you before she went to sleep." Rene nodded her head in understanding with a soft smile.

Feeling her friend's hand in hers Diane turned her head to look at her. They shared knowing smiles that were filled with a lifetime of joy, caring and love. There wasn't a need for empty words for they had long ago said what they needed to say to each other.

Weakly squeezing her friend's hand, she hoarsely whispered, "I don't know if I am ready to go to sleep right now."

"I don't know if I'm ready to have you go to sleep either my friend." She couldn't remember how they began equating the term 'going to sleep' with death. Maybe it was after they had lost their mothers. But the phrase made the transition sound like a much gentler process. "Why don't you just close your eyes for a little bit and I'll stay right here," Rene whispered as she lifted her friend's hand to her lips and gave her a soft kiss.

Looking at her friend with her eyes closed, she smiled. She was happy that for the first time that she would be able to give to her friend more than what she had received. Being here to witness her transition was more than most were able to do for a lifetime friend.

She softly cleared her throat before singing a song that had meant so much to both of them.

The four nieces had been standing by the door as Diane had finally gone to sleep. Rene awkwardly wheeled the chair over to the window where the afternoon sun was shining into the room. Rene leaned her head to the side of the back rest on the chair. She smiled before closing her eyes as she drifted to sleep content that she was able to be there for her friend in the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: This is a work of fiction even though some parts may appear familiar to certain people. The story was written as a birthday present for a dear friend who happens to be older than this writer by 24 days.

Song: *Willow by Joan Armatrading

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