~ Can't Let Her Go ~
by Mayhem Incarnate

Disclaimers: The characters in this story are mine. Yea, I know who they look like, but they aren't them. Don't use them without my permission. No copyright infringement is intended. Everyone happy? Good.

Violence: Nope.

Sex: Sure is. If you don't like it, you aren't doing it right.

Language: A few expletives here and there. Nothing major. No more than you would hear on a prime time television show. Actually, in my opinion there's less.

Special Thanks: You KNOW I have to thank my beta reader, the linguistically talented Dimples. With selfless dedication and without complaint she helps me keep my comma addiction under control. Thank You, Dimples, you have my sincerest gratitude.

Thanks to WebWarrior and Bardeyes for this incredibly cool web site that allows us to create, vent, fantasize and do all the other groovy stuff we can't do in our otherwise mundane existences.

Send comments to: budhownd@gmail.com

You're the one I want in my life.....
Already got a wife......
Can't leave you alone.....
And I know I'm livin wrong......
But I can't let ya go......

- Fabalous

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as my partner sleeps next to me. She was doing that little snoring thing that lulled me to sleep on many a night. Tonight, it wasn't working.

My two way pager vibrated and I felt my stomach tighten. I knew who it was before I even flipped up the cover. I looked at the screen and closed my eyes. ' ? ', was all that came up on the display. I took a deep, calming breath and ran a hand through my hair. I quietly left our bed and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the light and sky blue eyes stared back at me from the mirror. Eyes full of guilt and desire.

I knew it was wrong. I was in a relationship and I wasn't the cheating type. I was a faithful, attentive partner, unselfishly giving of myself, mind and body. At least that's what I told myself.


We met by chance five months ago, and sparks flew instantly. The moment I saw her, I was a goner. She's 5'5" with short, blond hair that's always tousled. She has the most intense green eyes I've ever seen. Eyes that seem to be able to see into my very soul. Her body is the model of womanly perfection, sensuously curved and proportionately muscular from both her job and the gym. There's a fire within her that attracts me, forcing me to gravitate to her in helpless supplication. I quickly found she has a passion for life and a carnal hunger that matches my own.

At first, we were content with polite conversation, even though we both felt more. Animal magnetism, isn't that what they call it? The undeniable, primal attraction to someone that defies all logic.

We fought our attraction for as long as we could. I even stopped going to the restaurant where she worked, even though it was one of my favorite places to order take out. Fighting it didn't work. I knew it wouldn't, but I had to at least try. I owed my partner that much.


One rainy night, I found myself at the front door of the restaurant after closing time. Waiting. Wanting. When she finally emerged, the look in my eyes told her everything she needed to know.

We barely made it to her car before our lips met in a scorching kiss. Her hands buried themselves in my wet, tangled hair as she shoved her tongue into my mouth. She roughly explored its inner recesses as my fingers moved desperately to unbutton her shirt and finally touch her skin. She was soft as silk and I moaned when I felt firm muscle moving beneath her smooth flesh.


We managed to make it back to her place, touching and caressing the entire way. Outside her apartment, she fumbled for her keys as my mouth ardently sucked on her neck. I painted a trail of wet kisses up to her ear and traced it with my tongue. My fingers pinched her nipples as I ground my crotch into her firm ass. She pressed back into me and I'm sure the neighbors heard the groan that rumbled deep in my chest.

Once inside, preliminaries were skipped as we hastily made our way to her bedroom, undressing on the way. Naked and wet, from more than the rain, we came together in the center of her bed. Our bodies were starved for something only the other could provide. Our lips met once again as our hands roamed, unhindered by clothing.

Unable to deny my need to take control, I pushed her onto her back into the soft mattress. She struggled against me in a halfhearted attempt to fight me off, somehow knowing it would fuel my desire. With a low growl, I pressed my full weight into her small body. I smiled ferally when she let out a soft mewling sound, signaling that for the moment there would be no more power struggles.

Her hands kneaded the tight muscles of my back, trying to pull me even closer into her, and she began a slow grind against my belly. My lips crushed hers again as my hand moved down her body, tracing lightly over her rippling abs toward her soaked mound.

We both gasped when I made contact with her heated flesh. I knew if she was this hot on the outside, she had to be burning on the inside. My fingers found her opening and without hesitation I thrust two fingers into her. My fingers slipped through her slick folds and I reveled in her tightness. As her walls gripped my fingers, I moaned, feeling myself slip closer to the edge.

I began to rhythmically plunge my fingers in and out of her, pressing the heel of my hand against her clit. She bucked against my hand as I thrust into her and I knew she was close. We'd already teased and fondled too much on the way here, enflaming each other. I felt her inner muscles tighten and her fingers digging into my back as her climax rushed over her.

Her clenching inner walls, saturated with her juices, felt incredible as they squeezed my fingers, and I couldn't suppress the urge to taste her. I moved down her body, planting kisses along the way and placed her legs over my shoulders. I hovered over her glistening lips for a moment and inhaled her sweet, musky scent. Her warm wetness invited me, like a fire would a weary traveler. It felt so right to be here, like home, and it scared the shit out of me. I pulled my mind from my meandering thoughts and set about the task at hand, feasting upon her flesh.


The moment my mouth came into contact with her outer lips, her eyes rolled back into her head and she groaned. Smiling at her response to my touch, I delved deeper into the pink folds of her flesh, finding every drop of nectar she could produce. It was as thick as honey and tasted a million times sweeter. The more I lapped up, the more she produced. I knew I could feast on her for hours as her essence filled my mouth and nose. Her body shuddered and her fingers entwined in my dark locks.

Reaching under her, I grabbed her flexing ass and concentrated my efforts on the small, hard bundle of nerves now swollen and distended past it's fleshy hood. I began to softly suck on her clit and she gasped as her hips began to grind against my mouth.

Strong fingers gripped my head as she humped my mouth, rolling her hips. She moved faster as I sucked harder, determined not to lose my grip on her clit. I slipped my fingers into her gushing center again, seeking one spot in particular. Once located, I bestowed firm but gentle strokes to the slightly ridged area.

Her legs trembled as her hands pulled my face farther into her and held me there. There was a moment of sweet expectation as she hovered on the edge and then her entire body became one tense muscle. She screamed her release as her orgasm engulfed her, causing her thighs to clamp tightly around my head.

She was still being wracked with tremors and gasping for breath when I made my way back up her body and lay on top of her. The urge to thrust darkened my mind and with her thigh pressed against my throbbing center, I began to move against her.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and began to suck the soft, sweaty skin I found there. Her arms wrapped around my back again and she shuddered as my thigh stimulated her. My hips surged against her, our sweaty bodies creating a delicious friction. There was an urgency to my movements. I needed this. I'd needed it from the moment I saw her. Just then, lost in the swirling torrent of sensation, part of my mind went out to my partner lying in our bed, unaware of my infidelity.

Anger at myself and my weakness swept through me and I took it out on her body. Reaching beneath her, I grasped her ass in my hands and pushed into her with all my strength, trying to drive the demons of guilt from my mind as I drove my need for her from my body. Furiously, I thrust against her, pounding her into the mattress. I felt her fingers dig into my back and heard her moaning softly in my ear as my orgasm began to overtake me. It started as a tingling in my center, growing, gathering strength, like a tidal wave. It rippled through me, reaching every fiber of my being and I couldn't hold back my scream of ecstatic exaltation. I'd never experienced such pleasure, with anyone. God help me.

After taking a few moments to catch my breath and place a few soft kisses on her cheeks and lips, I pulled myself, trembling and weak, off of her. I knew I couldn't allow myself the indulgence of basking in the wonderful afterglow we were both experiencing. Under different circumstances, this would have been the beginning of our night of passion, instead of the end.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, I rubbed my eyes and said softly, "I have to go."

"I know." was her reply.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't want to leave. We both knew it. But, I had to leave and we both knew why. I began to get dressed.

"Do you regret it?" she asked.

I turned to look at her. I could see her body clearly outlined in the darkness and it took all my willpower to fight the urge to strip and climb back under the covers with her.

I sighed deeply. "No. Do you? " I asked her, I knew this should have been our first and last meeting. I also knew it wouldn't be. It was the most exciting, mind blowing physical encounter I'd ever had. Not to mention the weird feeling of familiarity I felt when I was with her.

She shook her head and replied, "No, not at all." I could hear the smile in her voice. It was that cocky confidence, among other things, that attracted me to her in the first place.

With a lingering kiss and a hug at the front door, I left her apartment and made my way home. I'd left the number of my two way pager with her, knowing it was wrong; knowing she would use it. We were both hooked.


My mind whirled as plausible excuses for my whereabouts darted in and out of my consciousness. I stopped off at a corner store and made a few purchases, then made my way to the apartment I shared with my partner. The purchases would cover part of the reason I was out of the apartment and I'd just have to wing the rest of it.

I slipped soundlessly into our apartment, depositing my purchases in the kitchen and entered our bedroom. She was still asleep, in the same position as I left her, and a glance at the clock told my I had been gone a little over three hours.

I made my way to the bathroom, wet a washcloth and wiped myself down. Feeling a little cleaner, but no less guilty, I slid into bed wearing just my boxers. With a sigh, I turned onto my side and stared into the darkness, replaying images of our encounter in my mind. My body jumped with the memory of the piercing scream that burst from her lungs as I claimed her with my fingers and tongue.

That night, when sleep finally claimed me, I dreamt of a firm body moving sensuously beneath me and green eyes darkened with desire.


I came out of the bathroom and stood in the dark bedroom, looking down at my partner. This had gone on too long. I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to fight this. I know it would hurt her if she found out, and hurting her would hurt me. I berate myself for my cowardice and promise myself, again, that I will tell her. Make a clean break and end the lies.

Images of my adulterous encounters began to flash behind my closed eyelids. The unadulterated passion. The screams of ecstasy. The feel of her flesh against mine. My body made its decision, even as my mind continued to fight for some kind of control.

I picked up my jeans and t-shirt from a chair and got dressed. I noticed my hands were trembling. I made my way down the hall to the front door and opened it, quietly leaving our apartment. Wiping the tears streaming down my face, I made my way down the hall to the elevator. I just can't let her go.

Author's note:

Some of you may wonder why I wrote this story. It is not intended to glorify infidelity. I was simply wondering what I would do in a situation like this. If I were involved in a monogamous, healthy, loving relationship and out of the blue, my soulmate walked into my life. If I understand the term 'soulmate' correctly, I doubt I would be able to deny my need to be with her, so, would I simply walk out on my partner? OR Would I stay with my current partner and deny my heart, my soul, what it craves the most? It's a difficult question to answer. Think about it and talk amongst yourselves. Oh yea, thanks for reading my story. :0)

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