Jones : n : slang: an avid desire or appetite for something : CRAVING
I have a jones for her. I admit it. Hell, who wouldn't ? Tall, athletic, baby blue eyes, beautiful. The kind of beauty that makes you ache. The kind of beauty that makes you cry.The kind of beauty that makes you burn, deep down inside. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I guess you could say it made me crazy.
I saw her walking down the hall toward me, my mind playing every move in slow motion. Shoulder length dark hair that was full of body and bounce, surrounded a classically beautiful face with piercing blue eyes that stared straight through me. Her breasts were heavy and full. Her hips, which swayed with each stride, were attached to the longest legs I had ever seen.
I had to close my eyes and slow my breathing. I knew this was dangerous. 'Situations' between co-workers could and often did get ugly. Besides that, the shining band of gold on her finger, told me that she could not be mine.
She knew the effect she had on me. I'm sure of it. I knew she could see how I trembled whenever she came near me. I'd swear I saw her checking me out once, but I dismissed it as a figment of my imagination. I couldn't have her. She belonged to someone else. She loved...someone else. Every time I thought of it, my chest tightened. Anger welled up in me, even as desire flared.
I wanted her so badly. I wanted to be the one to hold her, touch her, love her. I wanted to be the one to bring her to dizzying heights of passion, to hold her as she slept, to comfort her when she cried. I wanted to be the one she ...wanted. The one she needed.
I went to work everyday and watched her, and my longing for her grew. When I slept I saw her, when I worked I saw her, I existed for her. My only happiness came from the knowledge that I would get to see her another day. It was all I wanted. She was all I wanted.
I knew something was different about this day. The sky seemed brighter, the sounds and smells of a city awakening assaulted me with almost painful clarity. I went about my normal routine, thinking of her. I made it to work, only five minutes late today, not bad for a Friday. The day went as they all do. Autonomy guiding my hands as images of her floated before my eyes. I needed to find an outlet or I was going to go crazy.
Finally, the workday was done. I worked late, putting the last proposal together, so I wouldn't have to give up any of my weekend. When I turned my tired green eyes toward the city, I saw it was already dark. As I trudged toward the elevator, I picked up a familiar scent. Her scent. There was no mistaking it. I could pick that scent out of the air while standing in the middle of a landfill, in the summer, at high noon. I turned to look back down the hallway and saw nothing. Shaking my head, I walked to the elevator, noting how quiet the building was without bustling bodies darting to and fro.
I should have known something was up when I saw the door to the elevator standing open. I approached the elevator slowly, leaning forward a little to peer around the corner of the open doors. It was the city, after all, and more than once I'd seen the security guard asleep at his post.
I rounded the corner and felt my breath leave my body all at once. I felt light headed and weak in the knees. There she was, leaning against the back wall of the elevator, looking down at her perfectly manicured nails. Her sparkling blue eyes locked on me and held me in place. "Going down?" she asked me in a velvety baritone that made my heart skip all kinds of beats. Unable to speak, I nodded as my mind played out fantasies of her, on top of me, whispering in my ear with that voice. Telling me all the things she wanted to do to me.
I still stood there, staring at her, cursing my weakness and thanking any Deity that would listen for the opportunity to be this close to her. A smirk curled her lips as she crooked her finger in a come hither motion. On stiff legs, I stepped into the elevator. Once inside, I plastered myself to the wall, as far away from her as possible. Funny how you can want something so badly and then when faced with the opportunity to be near it, fear can grip you in a hold so tight you think you're going to die.
The elevator was moving at a snails' pace, prolonging my torment. I watched, terrified, as I saw her move toward the elevator control console. Panic began to set in as I watched a long tapered finger reach for and press the stop button.
When the elevator came to a halt she turned to me. Ice blue eyes darkened with .... desire? My eyes widened as I realized the message her eyes were conveying. In an elevator where I worked, the object of my desire moved toward me with the grace of a jungle cat. When she reached me, she took my face in her hands and lowered her lips to mine. The explosion that went off behind my eyes put every fireworks display in history to shame. The kiss, while brief, shook me to my core. I began to slide down the wall of the elevator and she pressed her body into mine to keep me from falling. That's what I told myself, anyway.
"Why did you do that?" I asked. Stupid question.
"Because, I knew you wouldn't." she replied, an amused expression on her face.
"Aren't you married?" I muttered. Another stupid question. I was full of them this evening.
All I wanted to do was close the distance between our lips again.
"Yes, I am. Does that matter?" she asked, staring into my eyes.
I could see something in her eyes change then. For a split second she wasn't so sure of herself. For a split second I glimpsed an acute vulnerability in her. All I wanted to do was squash it. Nothing and no one had the right to make her feel unsure of herself.
Maybe he wasn't her knight in shining armor. Maybe he was foolish enough to take what he had for granted. Maybe he wasn't what she wanted after all.
"No. It doesn't matter." I replied. I answered her truthfully. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything. All that I wanted was here before me. If she wanted me, for however long, I wouldn't deny her.
She leaned in and kissed me again, hungrily, as if she was as starved for my touch as I was for hers. As if she had been wanting this to happen just as long as I had. I answered her hunger with my own. Putting the memories of the past ten months into that kiss. Every night I went to bed alone and frustrated, every touch I administered to my soaked, swollen flesh while envisioning her, every dream and fantasy that enveloped me in the sweetest torment on a daily basis. I gave it all to her. I wanted her to feel what she did to me.
The kiss broke leaving us both breathless and shaky. Her astonished eyes took in the look on my face and she had to take a step back. "You want me." she said. It wasn't a question, but a statement. It didn't need to be. She already knew the answer.
My lip curled as I shook my head. "I need you." I replied. There was a difference. After what had transpired in this elevator, honesty was all I could give her. I owed her that much. If I didn't have her I would die. Simple as that.
"You need me?" she asked. She didn't seem shocked by my admission, but confused. I'm sure she was used to being desired, by both men and women. Those who thought they needed her. The difference between them and me was that I meant it and I was more than prepared to prove it to her. Over and over again.
I nodded and closed the distance between us again. "I need you today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I need you forever." I whispered against her chest, willing her to understand. Willing her to feel everything I've been feeling all these months. "I will give you what he doesn't." I said. I was desperate now and threw out my trump card. I knew she wasn't happy with him, had seen it in her eyes. If she was, why was she here with me?
"I don't know what you want me to say. How do I answer that?" she replied, a small frown creasing her brow. I could tell she was uncertain and afraid. Her fear melted my heart and broke through the haze of desire threatening to consume me.
I stepped away from her and took a deep breath, running my fingers through my short, blond hair. I punched the button to start the elevator again. It descended the rest of the way to the garage and my heart felt as if it were caught in a vise.
"Answer truthfully. Just say what's in your heart. Whatever you feel is right. That's all that really matters." I said softly, defeat evident in my voice. I gambled and I lost. I was ready to accept it. Now, I just wanted to go home and wallow in self pity.
When the elevator doors opened, I stepped out of the compartment and turned to her. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It won't ever happen again. Goodnight, have a nice weekend." I mumbled.
I couldn't bring myself to look at her. It would hurt too much and I had already suffered enough because of this fixation on her. The thing is I knew the suffering would continue because I still wanted her just as badly now as I did before. Maybe more. I walked to my car and got in. I wouldn't allow myself to cry. Not here anyway.
Just as I was about to put the car in reverse and leave, there was a tap at my window. I looked up and saw her standing there. Tears were streaming down her face. I opened the door and got out, every fiber of my being wanting to comfort her. I just wanted to hold her until the pain that I had caused went away.
I felt my own tears fall as I held her. I berated myself for causing her this pain. Against my shoulder I heard her muffled voice. "I know what to say now." she said, as she sniffed and wiped her nose with the tissue I gave her.
"What to say?" I asked, confused.
She nodded and sniffed again.
"In the elevator, you told me to answer truthfully, to say what's in my heart, what I felt was right. Didn't you?" she said, her eyes searching mine.
I nodded, not really knowing where this was going. I gave her an encouraging look and gently massaged her shoulders. After taking a deep breath she answered me.
" You. I want you. I want to be happy... with you. Can I be happy with you?" she asked, looking at me with eyes full of hope. Silently pleading with me to make everything alright.
I couldn't suppress my smile as I nodded my head. I was too overwhelmed to speak. My time had come. Our time had come.
It's been two years, and we're still together; falling more and more in love everyday. I watch her sometimes and it seems as though a great weight has been lifted from her heart, from her very soul. I ask her every now and then if she has any regrets about leaving him. I suppose, it's to reassure myself that I didn't force her into this. She tells me that she has none, and I know she is telling me the truth. I promised her I would give her what he couldn't and I have. I have given her happiness. The one thing his seven figure salary and their penthouse apartment couldn't give her.
What began as a crush has blossomed into something so much more than that. Something so much deeper, for both of us. We've both got a love jones, and life is grand.