The air felt thick and heavy on my lungs; I could feel the weight of it pressing down on my shoulders as I made my way through the cramped, cobbled streets of the busy fishing Harbour, which I learned was called Heart's end harbour, after passing an aged, and wood splintered sign on the corner.
Agitated, and sun burnt, I began wandering aimlessly round the harbour, looking for a patch of shade to cool down, a temporary escape from the unbearable heat, when by chance I passed by the window of one of the smaller café's on the side street, and something caught my eye.
The name of the Café was Charlak's Coffee House, the huge neon sign crackling faintly above my head, the broad green letters flashing faintly on and off, but that wasn't what had grabbed my attention. What had made me stop in my tracks was not the huge selection of Coffee's and liquors advertised on the billboard outside, despite the fact that I had a raging thirst. My entire body felt as though it had been dipped in fire, and my throat felt as dry as sandpaper.
Sitting just a few feet from the glass was a youngish looking girl, perhaps in her early twenties; wearing a long white dress that floated around her like a mist, clinging to her slim figure in all the right places. Her long dark hair framing her soft features, she had her arms crossed across her body in a protective gesture, faint worry lines running across her forehead.
Staring into the bottom of her coffee cup, she looked lost in thought, and for a brief moment I found myself wondering what she was thinking about. How long I stood there, transfixed at the window?., I don't know?for I lost all sense of time.
My heart in my mouth, my pulse racing, I inhaled sharply when she lifted her head to glance briefly around the room, for she was beautiful beyond words. Her face an intricate work of art, and as I gazed at her in rapturous wonder, she chose that moment to turn her gaze towards me, her chocolate brown eyes full of curiosity as they met mine, the intensity behind that gentle gaze making my stomach involuntarily flip over, and for a moment I felt as if I were teetering on the edge of a great praecipe that I would inevitably fall off,
A jumble of nerves, I felt light-headed, and giddy like a teenager?my palms slick with sweat, my hands trembling ever so slightly?and when she smiled, I felt myself let go of the breath I hadn't even realised I was holding.
Loaded down with groceries?my shoulders knotted with tension, I should really be getting back to the house?I thought. I'd been travelling since the early hours of the morning, and on top of all the unpacking I had to do once I got back. There was still another hundred and odd things to do before I could settle down for the night? but no matter how much my tired mind argued with me that there were things that needed doing.
No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that I should really be thinking of moving on, something that I cannot explain stirred within me, and compelled me to stay there, and look at her. Then without thinking what I was doing, and for the first time in my life without really worrying about the consequences of my actions, I found myself walking toward the door.
My eyes never leaving hers, my heart beating ever faster with each tentative step I took towards that solid oak door. Placing my hand on the door handle, I tried to push back the nervous feeling building up in my stomach again; my hands slipping off the door handle as a result, my nerves finally getting the better of me, and I hesitated, wondering if I was suffering from sunstroke, or if I had finally lost my mind?
What Was I thinking?
I had only just come out of a long term relationship, so meeting someone should have been the last thing on my mind. I thought that I had left all that chaos and confusion behind me in England with my ex girlfriend Kristy. The reason I'd decided to move away in the first place.
I'd known Kristy since we were both in school; we had grown up together, had shared everything together. Had loved, and laughed, and cried together, and had shared seven blissful years living together as a couple, I honestly thought that we had a future carved out in front us.
Little did I know that behind those warm green eyes hid another persona, another side to Kristy that I had never seen before, that cheated, and lied, and would risk everything we had built up for her own cheap thrills.
Lovesick fool that I was?I had trusted her entirely. Blinded by love, I was unable to see what was happening right in front of my own eyes.
I had to find out about the other relationships she had been having behind my back from one of her friends. What made the whole situation worse though was the fact that she didn't even bother to deny it.
"So," she had simply stated.
"What about it?"
That same night we had a blazing row, the cataclysmic finale of our lives together ending in a flurry of fists, and words that may have been better off left unspoken. The night she left me my whole world shattered around me, because I made her my world and my days and nights had revolved around her.
My memories darkened until they seemed like black smears on the window of my soul, my heart grew cynical, and her beautiful face that had once conjured up so much happiness within me, now only made me feel empty, and hallow inside.
Looking back to the town of my childhood, she fills my memories, those last few days of our relationship, and the heartbreak that followed the weeks before I moved playing over, and over in my mind.
An only child, I lived in Wallasey for most of my life, the day I was born the snow was six inches deep. My parents later told me that as Wallasey was situated on a peninsular snow like that was rare; nowadays you were more inclined to see Rain in Wallasey than snow.
When my parents were young and carefree, it had been a thriving tourist attraction that had echoed grandness, and drawn hundreds upon hundreds of people to its shores?.but that was a long time ago, and things had changed since then. The Wallasey of old bore little resemblance to the place it had become, and there were few left to remember how it had used to be.
Now all that remained of the past were the posters, and maps scattered randomly around the promenade that spoke of all the attractions that had come, and gone over the years. A graveyard of nostalgia, Wallasey was haunted by the ghosts of the past, and even though it still retained much of its original charm, there were many who wished that they could turn the clock back, and go back to those by -gone days of yesterday.
When the tower had still stood tall and proud, and the swimming baths just a short walk away, when there had been a grand ballroom to dance in, and a pier stretching out across the River Mersey, and a range of pubs, and clubs to burn the night away, and when Birkenhead, had not been the only place to have a cinema of its own, and Wallasey's busy shopping centre had held more than a handful of shops, but the dream of that paradise died long ago, and there could be no going back.
I lived in a small semi on Marsden Close, just a short walk from the town centre; before I was born my parents lived in the neighbouring town of, Birkenhead, on the Apollo estate. They had moved to Marsden Close with the hope of making a fresh start, and even though the house they had moved to needed a lot of work to make it anywhere near liveable, they had settled in quickly.
From what my parents told me though anywhere they moved to would have been preferable to where they had used to live, situated in one of the rougher areas of Birkenhead. They had lived their for several years, things going from bad to worse, their day to day existence deteriorating so much, that my mum, and dad had to have a security system fitted that would have rivalled fort Knox; all that was missing was the tripwires, lasers, and searchlights.
Life there was hard, and everybody kept themselves to themselves, the only sign that there where other people living in the street was the occasional twitching of net curtains , and sometimes a face could be seen peering through the gap. No one ever talked to the neighbours, and none of the kids played out in the street.
It wasn't safe, and anything could happen the minute you walked out the front door. The street my parents lived in Kyle Street, was notorious for its burglaries. Two of which had happened in nearby side roads, just a short walk from my mum and dad's house.
That was the problem living there?no one ever felt safe, not even for a moment. Every time you dared to venture outside, you always had to watch your back. Whenever you took a trip to the local shops you had to make sure you weren't being followed.
If a fight broke out between any gangs that hung around the area, you had to make sure you stayed in that day, so you didn't get caught up in the middle of a fistfight, or worse. Fed up of being prisoners in their own home, my mum and dad were relieved when the sale for Marsden Close finally went through.
For it meant that they could finally leave the terror of Kyle Street behind them, and look forward to a future without fear as a constant companion. My mum was pregnant with me in the last few months before the move, so even if the sale of the house had fallen through, staying in Kyle Street would never have been an option.
My mum and dad wanted to bring me up in a happy and safe environment, and Kyle Street could never be the place to do that. At the end of November the move went ahead, and three days after that I was born. My mum had to stay in hospital for an extra week, so my dad was left with the rather daunting task of decorating the house.
The woman who used to own Marsden Close before us had for reasons unknown painted the walls a vivid lime green. My father told me that my mother's face was a picture when she went through the front door and saw that. However it wasn't long before my parents had added their own individual touch to the décor of the house.
The lime green was quickly replaced by soft pastels chosen by my mother; crème wallpaper with leafy gold borders adorned the living room walls. Huge gothic style mirrors hung from the walls in the hallway, and the door leading to the vestibule had a section of its wood replaced by a stained glass portrait, of a knight in medieval style armour kneeling before a woman with flowing red hair, and several paintings by Van gough and Monet were scattered randomly around the rest of the house.
By the time I was of school age the house had changed so much that it was barely recognisable. The front room had been transformed into a vast library for my father who had a great passion for literature in all its varying forms. Row upon row of bookshelves lined the walls, and mounted on them books of various genres; some of them so old that the covers were cracked, the spines tattered, and the pages yellowed and curled over from years of being read.
The upstairs had a loft conversion which became my bedroom, and we had a conservatory fitted that doubled up as a guest room whenever we had visitors. I was at secondary school when the conservatory was put in, and it was there that I was to meet Kristy King.
The first time I saw her was the very first day of school, the bell had just rung announcing that it was lunchtime; she was sitting on one of the graffiti covered wooden benches by the school gym, in the playground, swinging her long legs to and fro. She had hold of a navy blue rucksack that she was busily rummaging through. Pulling out books, and folders of various shapes, sizes, and colours, and placing them onto the wooden bench beside her.
Finally with a triumphant cry she held aloft a pack of Marlborough lights, pushing back a curtain of blonde hair that had fallen into her eyes, before she slipped one into her shirt pocket, stuffing the rest of the pack back into her rucksack, along with the pile of folders that was perched precariously on the bench next to her.
My attention completely focused on her; I failed to see the hand that shot out towards me. I jumped back startled, then before I knew what was happening I was face to face with a giant of a girl who could have easily passed off as Goliath's sister, her shadow stretching out around me, so immense that it almost seemed to block out the sun.
Her tanned masculine looking face twisted into a grimace. Her dark hair pulled back into ponytail that looked so painfully tight, it made her eyebrows look as if they were permanently slanted, as she stared down at me with all the cool coldness of a spider studying its prey.
Then without so much as a word of warning she had grabbed hold of my bag, and was waving it in the air. I jumped up, and down, looking like I was on an invisible trampoline, and feeling rather foolish, as I made several attempts to grab it back off her, but every time I did she swung it easily out of the way, and then she began to laugh.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see the girl who had caught my attention so completely beforehand, jump off the bench she had been sitting on,, and start to make her way towards us. Then suddenly she was standing between me, and the girl who was now emptying my bag of all its contents,
"I think you should give her stuff back," she said, her soft lilting accent, revealing none of the anger behind it.
Placing my bag on the floor, the taller girl loomed over her making her seem impossibly small, and pushed her hard, causing her to lose her balance momentarily.
"Why should I?" she said emphasising her point by prodding the girl's shoulder with each word.
Her face neutral, her green eyes strangely calm given the circumstances, the girl turned round to face me, and still retaining that cool air passed her bag of books over to me.
"Here, Hold this" she said
"S?Sure," I stammered.
Her lips twisting into a grin of pure delight, her green eyes glinting dangerously, she spun round as quick as lightning, her right hand clenching into a fist, then before I could so much as blink she had knocked the other girl out cold. Then very calmly as if nothing had happened, she took her bag back, and walked away.
I remember thinking to myself who is that girl?I've got to find out. It wasn't until a few weeks later I saw her again, and she finally told me her name, and in the days, and weeks that followed we became friends.
Looking back on it all, it was amazing how much we had in common, and how quickly our friendship developed until we became as close as two people can be. We told each other everything, keeping nothing back. In many ways Kristy was like the sister I had never had, and had always wanted, but as the years went by, and the world changed around us, my feelings changed aswell, becoming more intense the more time we spent together.
It was then I realised that I wanted our relationship to go beyond the boundaries of friendship?but I didn't know what to do; I had never felt this way about anyone before. I was a stranger to the emotions running through me. I didn't understand them, couldn't face up to them, and didn't know how to deal with them.
Tried in vain to repeatedly push them to the back of my mind, and pretend that they didn't exist until it got to the point where I could deny them no longer. I can still remember how nervous I was the night I told her, and how sick I felt at the thought that Kristy might not reciprocate my feelings for her. Might be disgusted by my outpourings of love, or worse than that she might not want to see me or speak to me ever again.
My fears however were just that, completely unjustified, and after several years of being together as a couple,, our school days far behind us, and due to the fact that we both by then had steady jobs. I'd had my first book published; and Kristy's interest in art at school, had lead to her gaining a job as the owner of a prosperous art gallery in Liverpool, we decided to move in together. Whatever doubts, and insecurities that I'd had in the early days of our relationship were swept aside, and I was left in a haze of euphoria that can only come from being in love, and being loved in return.
They say that no matter what you go through in life, love is the one pure thing that is supposed to endure all?never fading, never dying, and sometimes so powerful a force that it can last beyond death.
I thought that the same would be true for me, and Kristy, I honestly believed that we would last, that we could face and overcome all the ups and downs, and endless challenges that life throws at you.
I didn't see the end when it came?In my heart I believed that I knew her as well as I know myself, but sad as it is you can never truly know everything about a person, no matter how long you have known them for.
When I left England, I swore that I would never allow myself to be quite so trusting with anyone again, and that I would never allow myself to fall for the biggest lie of all?of being in love again.
Now here I was? once more the lovesick fool?my head once again turned by a pretty face, but as I finally turned the door handle, and walked towards the dark haired girl. Still sitting at the window, still staring silently, contemplating, into her coffee mug, all that fear drifted away, as though lifted from my shoulders by invisible hands.
Well here we go again I thought?
Staring out the shop window; I hastily drank my coffee, my companion long since departed, then rising from my chair, I exited through the shop door; outside the sky became gradually darker, grey cloud cover fading to black, until night finally settled itself like a shroud upon the harbour.
Sweeping hair out of my eyes I stood in silence, silently contemplating the events of the day to myself. My hair billowing out on the winter breeze behind me, like a golden sail, my hands hung loosely by my sides, cutting the figure of some sort of iconic romantic heroine against the Scottish countryside as I watched the last rays of sunlight dance briefly across the edge of the horizon, before disappearing behind the distant hills.
The insipid moon, a pale silhouette, struggling to free itself, from behind dark ominous looking clouds, which spread across the night sky, signalling the coming of a storm; folding my arms tightly across my chest in an effort to keep warm, I made my way down Saul Street, the cold wind lashing mercilessly at my back.
Turning left at the corner, and then straight onto Stoker Avenue, I walked past a small row of shops, which consisted of a tiny run down pharmacy, a rather age worn post office that looked as though it had stood on its grounds since the beginning of time; a small grocery store that seemed to have doubled up as a gift shop and next to that a supermarket, the only fairly modern convenience that I had come across. The name of the company Somerfield mounted on a huge plastic banner, above its grounds, the huge neon-green lettering illumining the darkness of the car park below.
I then hurried past several rows of spacious looking semis that were lined up along the street, a showcase for the wealthy people who lived there. Crossing over the deserted stretch of road, and then round the next corner, I walked straight into the heart of the less privileged part of Skye Village on Brahms Street.
The dark outline of Cragston hill looming above me, like a great sleeping giant curled up above the harbour; my tiny white cottage sitting at its edge, little more than a shadowy speck in the distance. The shopping bags I'd hauled across my shoulders, making my arms feel like lead weights.
My feet aching from the long walk, I forced myself onwards down the mile long stretch of Brahms Street; finally touching the gravel trail that separated me from the pathway leading home as the first drops of rain began to fall from the previously clear night sky.
Light at first it became gradually heavier as I ambled uphill feeling utterly miserable, and wishing that I'd the foresight to bring my coat along. By the time I'd made it halfway up the hillside I was caught in the middle of a torrential downpour. Soaked to the skin, and shivering, my teeth chattering, my skin clammy and cold; my rain filled trainers squelching noisily. The tattered ends of my jeans trailing through puddles the size of small ponds, making me feel more, and more uncomfortable with each step I took.
Small trails of water seeping under the collar of my v neck t-shirt, and down my back, making me shudder involuntarily, my wet hair hanging in my face, getting in my eyes, making it difficult to see; the pathway in front of me, the cobbled stones seeming to stretch out for miles, making me wonder if I would ever reach home.
Reaching into the pocket of my rain sodden jeans I rooted around blindly for my house keys, nearly running the last couple of metres to my cottage;, my quivering hands, and fingers making the simple task of opening my door near impossible.; the warmth of the cottage hitting me in a wave as I shut the front door behind me.
Grabbing a towel from the linen cupboard nearby, and dropping the shopping down onto the carpet, I quickly dried my hair, placing the now wet towel round my shoulders, and switching on the fake open fire in the middle of the room.
The flames quickly warming the rest of my body; I knelt in font of it for a few extra minutes to thaw out my frozen, hands, and fingers. Then pulling myself up I walked over the wooden floor panelling of my living room, and straight into the kitchen to put the shopping away; Returning to the warmth of the living room after I was done, I collapsed in an exhausted heap onto the caramel coloured sofa directly opposite the fireside. My thoughts going back once more to the girl I had met at the coffee shop.
Lying back on the sofa, I ran my hand along the edge of it, my fingers closing over the large fleece blanket that was draped over it. Pulling it over me in one fluid motion, as I closed my eyes, and pictured her face in the forefront of my mind; her eyes, her smile?the way her hair had shone in the sunlight. The sweet fragrance of her perfume lingering in my mind, invading my senses, the memory of her so clear that it was almost as if I were reliving the moment over again; going over everything that had happened, moment by moment.
Travelling back to where I had opened the door of the coffee shop, from there I had walked through into the small room beyond, ignoring the questioning stares of the few customers that were scattered randomly around the rest of the shop, making my way to the small wooden counter in the corner to order a coffee, conscious of the mystery girl's eyes upon me, with each step I took.
After I had completed my order, I crossed the floor, and sat on the table next to her. Placing my collection of shopping bags on the floor beside me, I then waited patiently for the waitress to bring my coffee over, trying to look at everything in the room but the girl sitting just a few feet away from me. The intensity of the situation overwhelming, my nerves raw,, making it virtually impossible for me to hold her gaze for more than a few minutes at a time.
Turning in my chair I blushed furiously as my eyes once again played the role of traitor, and betrayed me by meeting hers;, my innate curiosity of her once again winning them over. Minutes passing by in that brief exchange, minutes that seemed to me like hours as I sat there lost in the dark ocean of her eyes. I didn't even see the waitress put my coffee in front of me? then finally after an age had seemed to pass between us she spoke.
Her face cupped in her hands, she turned round fully in her chair to face me.
"Hi," she said "I haven't seen you around before"
"I just moved here today" `
Then indicating to the chair opposite her
"May I?" I asked, swallowing back my nerves which threatened once again to rise to the surface, my consciousness torn between fear of the response I might get, and exhilaration over the fact that she had finally spoken to me.
"No, not at all had"she said her lips forming into a sort of half smile, "I'd be glad of the company."
Hardly believing what she had just said, and half wondering if I had perhaps dreamt up the whole scenario, and would awaken any moment, the dream slipping through my fingers like sand, I walked over to her table, and sat in the empty chair.
"Would you like another coffee?" I asked, pointing to her empty coffee cup, the only thing I could think of as a way to start up a conversation.
"You really don't have t?" she began.
But before she had a chance to complete the sentence, I had signalled for the waitress to come over.
"Don't worry about it?" I said "I know I may not be rich just yet, but I can certainly afford to buy a cup of coffee"
Hiding her smile behind her hands, she looked down at the wooden table sitting between us, her face reddening.
"I'm sorry?I didn't mean to embarrass you"
"It's nothing" she said waving a hand absently in the air.
"I'm just not used to people that I hardly know buying me coffee," she said, lifting her head up, and staring at me intently, then for a few moments she just sat there in complete silence, as if she were trying to work out in her head what sort of character I was, and if I could be trusted.
"I ?Oh where's my manners?" I said, realising that we didn't even know each other's names "I haven't properly introduced myself" I exclaimed, my voice tripping over the sentence, so that it emerged as a kind of stutter.
Leaning over the table I extended my hand towards her,
"Hi, I'm Jennifer, Jennifer Summers"
"It's a sincere pleasure to meet you Miss Summers, I'm Annabella, Annabella Callaghan" she said slipping her hand into mine.
"Please, Annabella, just Jenny will do"
"You don't mind if I call you Annabella" I asked, at once scared, and embarrassed, and hoping beyond hope that I hadn't overstepped the mark of familiarity, by calling her by her first name when we had only just met"
But instead she just smiled again, her eyes never leaving mine, making me feel as if I was the only other person in the room with her.
"No, not at all" she said "But I prefer Bella, the only people who ever referred to me as Annabella were my parents"
"Where are they now?"
"They're dead,"
"I'm sorry" I said, feeling suddenly awkward for bringing up such a sombre memory for her.
"Don't be?it happened a long time ago"
"My parents only ever called me by my full title, when I was being naughty" I said, in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.
She looked up at me again; unable to prevent the smile that broke out on her face, her eyes mirroring that smile, sending a warm glow shooting throughout my body, that was strange, and at the same time oddly familiar.
"So what did they refer to you as when you weren't being a little monster" said Annabella, laughing at my mock expression of horror.
Cringing in my chair, I could feel my cheeks reddening with embarrassment, and found that I was unable to look her in the eyes.
"They called me their little Jem," I whispered so softly that Bella had to strain to hear me.
In school I had always been teased by the other children because of the name that my loving parents had decided to bestow upon me, but mostly it was more because I was smaller and weaker than the rest of the girls in my class, and couldn't raise so much as hand to defend myself. Every dinner time without fail they would find new ways to tease me, their sharp, featured faces twisted into expressions of pure malice.
All cold eyes and cruel mouths, forever laughing, or pointing; some of them not content with mere teasing, and name calling would go one step further to get their kicks, and would start pushing me around. Sometimes they would get a gang together, and chase me round the playground, or tell me that they would be waiting for me at the end of school, and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop them.
What made the whole situation worse though was that my head teacher knew full well what was happening to me, but instead of trying to help, she preferred to turn a blind eye to the problem
"Bullying," she said "Was something that did not exist in her school,"
Sad as it was?the only time I felt relatively safe was at the end of school, because despite the others girls threats, they would know that my mum and dad would be waiting outside the school gates for me, and none of them would have dared lay a hand on me in the presence of either of them, especially my mum.
Don't get me wrong my mum was warm, and friendly, and kind to those who deserved it, but if you ever got on the wrong side of her, then she would get this look in her eyes that would make your soul freeze in terror, and make you sorry you were ever born.
I remember there was this one time after school that one of the girls in my class at primary school, Kayla Jones decided to get a gang together, and wait for me in the playground after the bell had rung. My dad was working, so the task of picking me up was left to my mum, who was half an hour late because work had held her up. By the time my mum got to the school, Kayla, and a large group of her friends in the year above, had me surrounded. Kayla had her hands around my throat, and foolish girl that she was imagined my mum to be as weak minded and helpless as me. So you can imagine her surprise when my mum literally flew into the playground, stopping just inches away from her face.
What made the whole situation somewhat amusing though, was that my mum didn't even have to lay so much as a hand on Kayla to get her to leave me alone. All it took was that terrifying wide eyes stare of hers, like something straight out of a horror movie, and neither her or her friends ever bothered me again after that.
But despite the bullying, my experiences of school weren't just ones filled with angst, and endless tears, there were also some happy memories of my school life, even if they were few, and far between. My mum buying me sweets at the end of the week, or my dad running up to me every day after school, his arms outstretched, and he would scoop me up into his arms as I if weighed no more than a feather, and swing me round in the air so fast that I felt the world spinning around me, and the ground turn into a hazy blur of colour, and light.
A huge smile spread across his bright, bearded face as he did. His deep blue eyes twinkling like two twin stars. "Hey, little Jem," he would always say, placing me on the ground, and kneeling in front of me.
"Come on, and tell your old dad what sort of day you've had". Even though I'm well into my late twenties he still calls me it now, accept it doesn't bother me as much as it did then, because I know now that's it's just his way of saying that no matter how old I am, in his eyes I'll always be his little girl.
"Excuse me, miss"
Broken from my thoughts, I half turned in my chair to find the waitress I had ordered coffee from, standing right beside me.
Leaning over the table she placed Bella's Coffee in front of her,
"An would that be all?" she asked, her eyes fixed on me, her lips forming into a smile.
"Yes thank you, "I said smiling back at her.
After which she walked over to the far side of the room to where the kitchen was, the heels of her shoes tapping noisily against the brown tiled floor of the café.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself I ventured to look up at Bella, feeling silly
"Jenny" she said, staring dreamily out the window at the world outside, a soft faraway smile painted on her lips.
"I like that?I used to have a friend called that"
Then the expression on her face changed, darkening dramatically, her eyes suddenly misting over, she looked as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
"Hey, what is it?" I asked, the expression on my face, reflecting the concerned tone of my voice.
"Nothing, It's nothing" she said," forcefully brushing the tears away, as though she were angry at herself for giving in to her emotions.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked "reaching out to touch her hand.
I've been told I'm a really good listener if you ever want to?"
"Do you mind if we don't talk about it" she said pulling her hands away, and placing them under the table in front of her. Her eyes focusing on everything else in the room but me,
"Of course not" I whispered softly, reassuringly, "You don't have to talk about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable"
"So" I said, changing the subject.
"What would you like to talk about instead?"
"How about you start by telling me about yourself" she said "And then we'll see how it goes from there,"
"Well, okay?" I began "I'm a writer; I used to live in England, in this little known place called Wallasey which is just over the water from Liverpool"
Receiving a blank expression from her, I tried to add a little more detail.
"You know Liverpool, better known for bringing bands like the Beatles to the eyes, and ears of the world.
Still looking confused, Bella shrugged.
"Never mind" I sighed," Well anyway, I moved here partly to forget my ex, and partly because I'm trying to come up with the perfect idea for a novel which I'm hoping will become miraculously successful beyond all my wildest dreams,
"You write" she said sounding pleasantly surprised.
"Yes"
"Have you had anything published so far" she asked
"Just the one?but I'm hoping to change that" I said, managing to raise from her the tiniest of smiles.
"Perhaps?if you have the time, and want to meet up again?I can show you some extracts from my first novel"
"I'd like that" she said the smile on her face becoming more vibrant, as she leaned over , her hands cupping her face, her eyes locked with my own.
For hours we sat there?just talking. Time seeming to fly by and neither one of us aware of its passing; looking back on all with hindsight I realised that it was the first time that I had ever sat down with anyone, and really opened up to them.
I found myself telling her things that I had never really talked about to such an extent with anyone else before, let alone someone that I hardly knew.
I told her about my relationship with my ex and all its up's and downs, but what I didn't mention was my ex's name, or gender.
Mostly out of fear of prejudice?a sad fact?but regrettably not everyone in the world is willing to accept that love has no limitations, and that you can't control who you fall in love with?life isn't as simple as that.
Life is messy, and unpredictable, and everyone's experience of it is different. I mean the world would be a pretty dull place if we all shared the same thoughts, ideals, and dreams?wouldn't it? I then went on to discuss Wallasey, my family, my writing?.more than once managing to raise a smile from her, or make her laugh out loud.
However when it came to discussing her own life, and past experiences she was a little less forthcoming to reveal anything than I had been, and preferred to keep herself to herself on the subject. Whenever I made any attempt whatsoever to break through the invisible barriers that she had placed between us, she changed the subject immediately, and so when the time came for us to both to part, and go our separate ways, she knew most of what had occurred in my life. Whereas I was left knowing very little if anything about her, and somewhere deep down in my subconscious mind I could feel that cynical part of my persona spreading like a dark cloud, growing increasingly weary as she bid me goodbye.
Her warm breath on my face as she whispered softly in my ear that she hoped to see me again?before she exited through the door; bracing myself for the cold night air, I exited just a second after her, grabbing my shopping bags off the floor as I did, but when I stepped onto the cold pavement outside she was nowhere to be seen.
I had half expected to see her making her way through the harbour, and was going to offer to walk her home. For a few minutes I just stood there in the middle of the street, looking left, and right. Completely bewildered as to how she had managed to get up the road so fast, when I had left the building immediately after she had done.
Of course there must be a perfectly rational explanation? I told myself ?I just couldn't think of one. She's probably just a fast walker?I told myself, smiling at my over active imagination as I moved on down the street?well I am a writer, so what do you expect?
All the way home Annabella occupied my thoughts, as I tried desperately to figure her out; even now just laying here as I try to drift off to sleep, my mind racing with a myriad of unanswered questions. Pondering, pressing restlessly over much of the mystery surrounding her; half wondering, half worrying why she was so adamant in her refusal to talk about herself, all I knew about her so far was that her parents were dead, and that was all. The rest of her history remained shrouded in secrecy...surely that can't be right? I thought.
If our paths ever crossed again how could I get to know her better? I asked myself?And most importantly how could I gain her trust? The questions hung in the air, tempting me to come up with an answer for each one, as I finally sank into Morpheus's soft embrace. An image of Annabella's sweet, smiling face, imprinted in my mind, following me into the darkness of my dreams, as the first rays of sunlight spread across the sky
Easing myself upright I grimaced at the pain that followed the action, my features contorting with each movement of my already fragile feeling body. Then wiping the sleep from my eyes I looked over to see what time it was.
Twelve o'clock?damn?I thought, mentally scolding myself?I had overslept, which wasn't like me at all, usually I was up at first light?.but then again? I'd had a restless night?and couldn't even remember going to sleep.
What I could remember was lying awake in the dark, on the couch, too tired to make it to my bedroom, but unable to sleep. The silence in the room, an almost tangible presence; my tired mind flooding over with thoughts of Annabella, and when sleep finally descended down upon me, she followed me into my dreams.
I was standing on a deserted stretch of sand, caught up in the wrath of a raging storm. In the far off distance, on the edge of the sand I could make out a lighthouse, its powerful searchlight tracing a path over the turbulent ocean; the thrashing waves seeming to have a life of their own. Rising up swiftly to such a height, that I stepped back in fear, sure that at any moment I would be swept out to sea.
She was standing directly ahead of me, at the waters edge, her back facing me, staring off into the distance; still dressed in white, but the dress she had on this time was of a more elaborate design than the one I had seen her in last. Drawn in painfully tight at the waist, so that it left little room to breathe, or move, it billowed out across the sand; the front of it spilling into the ocean before her; the long silk skirts trailing behind her.
Her hair swept up off her face, a few stray ringlets having come loose cascaded softly across her cheeks. Small slivers of moonlight reflected in the darkness of her eyes, taking my breath away. Moving towards her I reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, and then she turned round to face me, her dress sweeping round in an arc as she did. Her eyes meeting mine, the expression on her face one of sheer disbelief, and then immense sadness.
Unsure of what to do?all I could do was stand there, watching, waiting, feeling the emotions radiating out from her as if they were my own?anger, fear?pain?and sadness so much sadness that it was unbearable. Quiet at first, like the static you get on a radio station, they became gradually louder, and louder, until I couldn't stand it anymore. The intensity behind them so overwhelming, so overpowering that it made my head hurt, and my heart felt as if it would break. I could feel my whole body shaking, and it felt as if I had swallowed a shard of glass.
Walking towards me, she had her arms stretched out in front of her, the white of her dress making her appear almost ethereal. Tears in her eyes as she laid her hand upon my shoulder, and then I think I woke up to find myself crying aswell?after that I must have fallen asleep again.
The thing I found most troubling though was no matter how many times my mind went over, and over the imagined scenario in an attempt to make some sense of it. I still couldn't figure out why her seeing me and touching my face as she had done would make her cry? Or why seeing her in such a state would disturb me so?when I hardly knew her.
Shifting myself on the couch, I glanced quickly back over at the clock?.the digital letters blinked 12.30?damn?I cursed?the day was halfway through.
I'd planned to do some work on my book?but I had also made plans to go back into the harbour, and look around the shops.
But the prospect of getting any work done on my book looked bleak at the moment, and I couldn't have begun to make an attempt on my writing even if I had wanted to? my head still hurt terribly, and I couldn't concentrate or focus on anything?at least not until I came up with a sufficient answer for the dream I'd had.
Well, I thought?.seen as I'm going to the harbour again anyway?I could try to find her again. Or failing that perhaps there would be someone in the village who knew her, or might know where she lived. I knew that I was clutching at straws, but I couldn't help it?.I needed an explanation. Some sort of answer?.because somehow, I had developed feelings for her.
Which was strange in itself, considering yesterday had been the first time that I'd ever laid eyes on her; I needed to be sure, I had to find her again, get to know her better, see if there could be any chance for us?.woah! Slow down?I told myself. Take it one step at a time?you're getting carried away with yourself here, and she could very easily be married.
Grabbing hold of the arm of my couch I hauled myself up my mind set on going to the harbour, wincing as my back clicked noisily back into place, cutting off my thoughts abruptly. Then slowly I made my way back over the hard wood floor, and over to the cream carpeted staircase, that spiralled upwards, before disappearing out of sight. The matching cream balustrade winding around with it, the paint chipped in places so that the wood was visible beneath.
Grabbing hold of it, I raced up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time, until the wooden frame of my door gradually emerged into view, situated at the bottom of a rectangular shaped corridor, papered in warm golden leafy print.
Stepping over a piece of carpet at the top of the stairs that hadn't been properly tacked down, I ran an idle hand along the wall, as I made my way towards the door at the end, passing two other doors on the way. The bathroom and the spare bedroom; my footsteps creaking noisily with each step I took, sounding deafening in the otherwise eerie silence.
Reaching out to grasp the door handle, I pushed it inwards, the door momentarily sticking, catching on the carpet below, and preventing the door from moving any further. Pushing the full weight of my body against it, I was sent tumbling into the room beyond, as the door swung suddenly, and violently open.
Picking myself up off the floor, I walked up to my Devan king sized bed in the corner. The only memento I had of my failed relationship with my ex girlfriend Kristy. She had taken every other piece of furniture from the house we had once shared?but because the bed was the only thing that I had bought to furnish it?she had not argued when I asked if I could have it.
I'd intended to make up the bed last night, but the sheets were still piled neatly atop the immaculately whiter than white mattress, the pillows stacked neatly alongside them. The rest of the furniture in the room consisted of an overly large pine chest of drawers in the far right hand corner of the room opposite the bed.
An old, but comfy looking armchair in the left hand corner, and a few empty shelves directly above it, where I would put my growing collection of horror books when I got round to unpacking them. Apart from the books, I still hadn't managed to unpack any of my clothes yet, the ones that I had managed to unpack where folded neatly on the bed, alongside the bed linen, and pillows. The rest of the clothes were still in the brown suitcase that I had brought up with me, still leaning against the wardrobe where I'd left it.
Walking back over to the bed, I rummaged through the clothes, not sure what to wear, finally after several minutes of searching without avail, I chose a pair of stonewashed denim jeans, a back crop top to better accentuate my waistline, and a pair of black socks, and underwear to match.
Glancing briefly out the huge bay windows behind me that looked out onto the harbour, I gazed wistfully down at the tiny ships bobbing about on the blue waters below, and then turning swiftly on my heels, I walked out the bedroom, and back down the corridor; passing the spare bedroom that was at the moment being used to store most of my belongings, and heading into the bathroom next door to it.
Placing my clothes on the radiator, I undressed, and had a quick shower; I then picked my clothes up off the radiator and got dressed, staring at my reflection in the mirror to the left of the shower cubicle. Overly aware of the dark circles under my eyes, a mixture of green, and blue they stood out dramatically against the pale whiteness of my skin, my normal healthy glow now more of a deathly white, making me appear almost ghostlike.
I look awful?I muttered under my breath.
Brushing my teeth, I Picked my trainers up off the bathroom floor, and headed downstairs through the front room, and into the kitchen to the far left hand corner, to make myself a cup of coffee. Then placing the dishes in the sink, I made my way to the rack of coat hangers in the hall near the front door. Pulling on my trainers as I did, and grabbing my leather jacket off one off the hooks. Reaching down to my ankles it made me appear taller than I really was, and as Kristy had once put it, "made me seem all gothic and mysterious"
Pausing for a minute to look in the mirror above the fireplace, I brushed my hair back, letting it flow loosely around my shoulders, adding a touch of make up here and there in an attempt to hide my pasty complexion, so that if I did bump into Annabella again, then I wouldn't send her running for the hills with fright.
Then opening the front door, I stepped outside, shielding my eyes against the blazing sun, thankful for the breeze that I could feel on my face. Folding my jacket over my left arm, I shoved my right hand into my jeans.
My mind going over things that I might say to Annabella, if I saw her again, but I couldn't come up with so much as a syllable; anything I thought of I instantly dismissed. Scene after scene playing through my mind like the build up to some grand epic romance, as I made my way down Cragston hill, and towards the distant harbour.
Standing with my back to the ocean, I watched with a blank expression on my face, as a flock of seagulls flew in ever growing circles around the small row of houses just across the road from me. Lined up neatly alongside each other, each one was painted in bright vibrant colours, of pinks, and reds which clashed dramatically with everything around them.
Situated next to the row of houses stood a few shops, pulling myself up of the railings I headed over to them, stumbling, and very nearly losing my balance when a group of tourists pushed past me, cursing softly to myself I watched as they continued on, blanking me completely as if nothing had happened.
"Nice people," I muttered to myself, my voice tinged with an edge of sarcasm as they walked over to the section of railings I had been leaning against a moment ago, directly below them was another group of tourists on the pathway below, boots crunching heavily on the hard gravel; Pointing and clicking away with their camera's at anything, or anyone who was unlucky enough to come within their line of sight. Rubbing my shoulder from where I had been hit, I took a deep breath to calm myself down, and walked the rest of the way to the row of shops that I'd been travelling towards, before I had been so rudely distracted.
Just a few feet in front of me was a bakery, the name of the shop painted in large gold letters above the door, the smell of freshly cooked bread drifting up the street towards me, reminding me of the small breakfast I'd had, and how hungry I was. Next door to that was an expensive looking seafood restaurant, the restaurant's name 'The harbour view' situated on a plaque to the left of the doorway, written in gold letters, and set against a green backdrop.
The menu placed at a somewhat precarious angle on the opposite side.
Moving on swiftly I resisted the urge to go over, and look at it, and instead made a mental note to go back there when I had more time on my hands, and someone to go with.
Turning on my heels, I then walked on down the narrow street, pushing my way though the crowds that had suddenly accumulated there, as if by magic, pausing to catch my breath outside a small, and rather musty smelling old bookshop, called Gilmour and son. Its huge bay windows covered in a thick layer of grease, so that it was impossible to see inside.
From the outside it appeared cube like in shape, and seemed chokingly claustrophobic, however when I rubbed a part of the glass clean, and peered inside, I realised with some surprise that it was actually bigger on the inside.
Rows upon rows of bookshelves stretched out across the wooden floor as far as I could see, making the shop appear like some sort of intricate maze or labyrinth, and for a brief moment, I pictured a terrifying image of a Minotaur stamping through it. Weaving in, and out the bookshelves, and frightening away anyone who dared touch the books that were stacked tightly on them, then for a few minutes I just stood there, sure that at any moment my mind's creation would come charging through the glass, and leap out at me.
My curiosity finally getting the better of me I made my way over to the rickety looking door, and pushed it to, wincing as the hinges creaked noisily when the door swung inwards. Closing the door behind me, I made my way down a row of bookshelves, running a finger along the books that had been squashed uncomfortably together, and sneezing as a thick layer of dust rose up cloud-like towards me.
"Can I help ye?" said a voice from behind me
"Wha" I spluttered, banging my shoulder against the edge of one of the shelves. Then wiping the remnants of dust from my previously black t-shirt, I took a moment to examine what I could now make out to be an old man, possibly in his late fifties, dressed in a velvet green suit, the elbows covered in dark patches that had been stitched on.
With his long flowing silver hair, and beard, he appeared wizard like, a pair of small round spectacles resting on his thin pointed nose, which he was looking over, reminding me in some vague way of how my headmistress had looked at me, on the few occasions I had gotten into trouble at school
Lifting his hand to his mouth, he placed a shoddy looking tobacco pipe in it, and inhaled sharply, blowing out a stream of purplish smoke in my direction that made me cough involuntarily.
"Please?be careful of the books" he said in a thick Scottish accent that sounded breathy and worn down, as though he had just run in a marathon.
"They're quite delicate ye know, and ye should treat them as such"
Then placing the pipe back in his mouth, he took off his glasses, and began to clean them vigorously, narrowing his icy blue eyes into slits as he did so.
"Can I help ye?" he asked coughing loudly into his hand.
"I'm just browsing" I said
Then turning to face the bookshelf again, I picked up the first book that caught my eye. A small hardback, the spine cracked in places, the title of the book hidden under a thick layer of dust, then turning away from the shopkeeper I blew away the dust, gradually revealing the writing engraved there letter by letter. 'Charles Dickens, Great Expectations"
Then pulling back the front cover I looked at the illustrations inside, running my fingers over the fine print underneath, I then looked at the date that the particular version of the book had been published, it was then that I gasped in astonishment.
"My dear young lassie," said the old man who was still standing behind me, quietly observing my actions. "Are ye quite allright?"
"Here, take a seat," he said indicating to a stool at the far end of the bookshelf.
"Yes, I'm fine," I said?" Turning round to face him, my cheeks reddening from my sudden and unexpected outburst of enthusiasm, and hoping that I hadn't startled him too much
"I didn't mean to alarm you?it's just this is the first time I've ever held a first copy of any of Dickens's work in my hands "
"Ahh, do ya read him then?" he asked, his blue eyes twinkling like two twin stars.
"Well I'm a writer myself," I said, tearing my eyes away from the aged parchment to look at him "And they do say that it always helps to learn from the best"
"Aye they certainly do lassie, tell me?have you read that one"
"Oh yes," I exclaimed "Quite a few times actually, It happens to be one of my favourites, tell me" I asked "Do you have any other first copies of his work?"
"Ahh, I do lassie" he said smiling, "And though it doesn't happen very often, It always gladdens my tired old heart to come across a fellow enthusiast like yourself, here this way" he said indicating for me to follow him. "
I'm Dauvit Gilmour by the way" he said extending his hand out to me.
"Jennifer Summers" I answered, taking his hand, and shaking it firmly in my own
"Well, Miss Summers?follow me" he said leading the way through row upon row of bookshelves, until we came to a large oak desk at the very heart of the shop. A computer perched on top, which I guessed was probably an old apple. The keyboard was an ugly chunky looking thing, and the monitor took up almost the whole of the desk.
Directly beside that was a bundle of letters, and papers stacked up precariously high, and in the far right hand corner, behind the desk was a doorway leading into a small stockroom, which the old man disappeared into"
"Just wait there lassie," he called out behind him "I've some more copies in the back"
Then after a few minutes had passed by, and I was certain that he had brought the whole stockroom on top of himself, from all the loud banging, and cursing that I could hear, he finally emerged triumphant, his arms full of books.
"Here" he said brushing the pile of letters aside, and placing the pile of books in the space where they had been.
"Take a look at these lassie," he said his face lighting up like a child's on Christmas day.
"Go on, have a swatch, and see if there's anythin ye like"
"Excuse me?" I said, not really sure what he meant
"Swatch?isn't that a kind of watch?I'm sorry I'm not sure I understood?" I said my brow furrowing in confusion.
"A swatch?.oh I'm sorry being as you're not from around here?you wouldn't know the dialect, take a swatch means take a look" he said handing me the book.
"Oh right," I said taking the book from him, and feeling a little foolish, for my lack of knowledge. Then holding the book out in front of me, I began to study it, silently mouthing the books title as I did. "Bleak House"
Placing it back on the table, I picked up another one, and did the same, while I was busy deciding, the old man lifted his pipe back to his mouth, this time blowing out a huge smoke ring that hovered in the air for at least a moment or two, before disappearing into nothing.
"Ye say you're a writer yourself" he said smiling, and stroking his long white beard thoughtfully. "What genre de ye write?"
"Mystery mostly"
"And how many books have ye had published?" he asked the smile staying on his lips.
"Just the one" I said "But I plan to have another out?I'm still working on it" I said returning his smile, "But it's hard going sometimes"
"Aye lass, I know that" he said
"Do you write yourself?" I asked
"Just a wee bit" he said "although I do it mostly as a hobby."
Then his face changed, and he dropped his gaze to the floor, as though embarrassed, and when he spoke it sounded as though he had to struggle to get the words out, his voice almost breaking in places.
"When I was young man" he continued, "I tried to make something of me writing. For so long I'd only dreamt of taking those first awkward step into the publishing world, so on a whim I sent one of my manuscripts off to the first publishers I came across.
I had so many hopes, so many expectations, but sadly they were shattered when I got turned down. I tried a few other publishers after that, but each rejection letter I got was like a knife to the heart, yet still I kept trying despite the odds, so determined I was to get it right, to prove the publishers who had rejected me wrong, but as the years passed by, and my luck failed to improve. My old heart grew tired, and weary, and I just couldn't take the disappointment anymore, so I packed away my manuscripts, and gave up my dream.
"You just need to get back your confidence" I said "If you want I could have a look at your work?I mean I just moved here yesterday, but I can come down sometime later in the week, and have a look."
"Maybe" he said turning away from me, and pretending that he hadn't heard what I'd said.
Then changing the subject he asked "So what de ye make of our little village then"
"It's lovely" I said letting the matter drop, and focusing my attention back on the book I was currently holding.
"The mystery of Edwin Drood...er, I'll have this one, "I said handing the book over to him, so he could check the price.
Closing the distance between himself, and the counter he reached out, and took the book from me, disappearing out of sight, into the far right hand corner, and began punching the figure into the till that was hidden there.
"And?Have ye made any friends yet?" he said, returning with the book, and pulling the sticky price label off for me, "You dinnae have to tell me," he said with a knowing smile "I know how important friends are when you're a young thing like yourself. I was young myself once, although you might not think it to look at me now"
"Well I did meet someone the other day" I said, "A young girl at the café down the street. I was hoping to see her again today, but as I only got a name, and no address?I don't know where to start looking"
"Well?now, perhaps if you tell me her name, then chances are I might've heard of heard of her" he said leaning over toward me.
"We're a very close knit community here?so at some time or t'nother she may have come in my shop," Then placing my book in a small black plastic carrier bag, with the name Gilmour and son printed on the front.
"That'll be thirty pounds exactly" he said
"That's quite cheap for a first edition," I said sounding pleasantly surprised
"Aye, it is but as you can see my shop's become so run down, and business isn't as good as it used to be? I hardly get many customers, so I sell what I can; besides you remind me a bit of myself when I was your age, and I know you'll take care of it"
"Thanks," I said, reaching into the inside pocket of my leather jacket, and unzipping it, then reaching inside it I pulled out my wallet, and took out a fresh crisp ten, and twenty pound note, and handed them over to him.
"So what did ye say the young lass's name was?" he asked walking back over to the till, and putting the money in.
Returning with a chair, he slid it over the small space between the till, and the counter, sliding the chair under the counter, and resting his hands on the leather cover, as he struggled to get his breath back.
"Annabella, Annabella Callaghan" I said placing my wallet back into my leather jacket, and placing the bag with my newly purchased book in on my wrist.
"Ahh" he said folding his arms across his chest.
"Do you know her?" I asked leaning forward.
"No, I'm afraid I dinnae know,"
"Well, thank you anyway, and thank you for the book" I said turning round to walk towards the door leading out of the shop, only to find my way out blocked by a giant of a man standing in front of me, his dark eyes fixed on me.
With his thick arms folded tightly across his huge barrel chest, he looked as though he had been sculpted from stone, so rigid was his pose. His mane of long dark curls and thick dark beard making him look like some sort of descendant from the Olympian gods, and I half expected a bolt of lightning to come shooting from his fingertips at any moment.
What puzzled me though was that I hadn't heard him walking up behind me?.just how long had he been standing there?.I wondered
"Excuse me," I said trying to ease my way past him, but finding myself unable to do so"
Completely ignoring me, he instead turned his dark stare to Dauvit.
"Hello" he said, stretching his lips into a sort of half smile, which looked false somehow, as though it had been fixed into place, and when I looked from Dauvit back to the man standing in front of me, I was dimly aware of a connection of some sort passing between them"
"Hager" said Dauvit the cheery expression he had displayed beforehand fading away, a mask of fear sliding over his features in its place, and when he looked over at me he seemed considerably paler, as if some invisible force had somehow sucked all the colour from him, leaving behind this pale and huddled figure in is wake.
Somehow, despite the fear I could quite clearly see running through him, he made his way round the desk, and pulled me gently away from the man whose name I now knew was Hager.
"Let the lady pass" he said "Then you, and I can talk in private"
"Okay then," said Hager grinding his teeth together in an irritated manner, moving his huge frame sideways to let me past, the same half smile frozen on his lips as I passed him by, his dark eyes burning into mine, as he lifted a hand to his head, as though to tilt an imaginary hat,
"See you around lassie," he said with an undertone of menace, the smile on his face becoming broader, but rather than making me feel at ease, it just made me feel more uncomfortable, and seemed more like a leer than a gesture of warmth or friendliness.
Confused, and somewhat panicked as to what innuendo hid lay hidden behind the smile, and the harmless suggestion he had made, I hurried on out the shop door, shielding my eyes from the sunlight as I stepped out onto the pavement, then rushing over to the shop window, I peered through the glass, but couldn't make out what was happening inside.
Hastily rubbing a larger section of the glass clean in an attempt to get a clearer view, I again looked inside; they were standing at the back, still talking?what the devil is going on... I thought?.squinting into the darkness?I could make out the two figures standing at the end of the room, but could not make out what they were saying, as it was too far away for me to hear.
My face pressed right up against the cold glass I managed to get a hazy image of Dauvit's worry lined face, before the blind shot down without warning, preventing me from seeing anything further.
None of it made any sense to me, and no matter how many times I ran the scenario through my mind?I couldn't come up with a single answer, or logical explanation for what I had witnessed. Perhaps it had been nothing more than a perfectly rational conversation taking place between two perfectly rational adults.
I could very well have been blowing things out of all proportion, and allowing my already overactive imagination to run away with me.
No?my mind shouted back at me?that didn't seem right, but then again?what could I possibly hope to do about it?
Even if something untoward had been going on, being a stranger in town, it was out of my hands, and there was nothing I could do to change that. So there was little point in worrying about it. Besides it was almost 3'0 clock, the blue sky above me was being slowly covered by patches of grey cloud, and there was still as yet no sign of Annabella. Pausing for a moment I put on my leather jacket that was still folded across my arm; straightening the collar which had become crumpled, and yanking it up to my chin to keep out the cold air that was trying to snake its way in.
The next building I came across was the local pub, which I noted with some amusement, was called 'The Siren's Song. A picture of a woman singing, painted on the huge sign hung above the door, the rusted chains holding it in place, squeaking faintly, sounding as if they hadn't been oiled in over a century.
From inside I could make out the sound of people laughing, and talking, walking up to the door, I peered inside, my eyes scanning round the crowded room. Satisfied there was nothing to see, I was about to make my way back to the coffee house, when something caught my eye.
In the far corner of the room was a girl, sitting by herself, her elbows propped up against the beer stained, wooden oak bar, her hands splayed out across her back, reminding me in some way of how Annabella had looked the first time I had seen her through the window of the coffee shop.
Could it be her?I thought? a nagging compulsion racing through me, urging me to go over, and find out. Then before I realised what was happening, I had walked through the doorway, and was making my way over to where she was sitting. My mouth dry with anticipation, I felt a nervous, giddy feeling spreading round my body.
A tingling butterfly -sensation, as if I were looking down at something from a great height, and would fall at any moment. Pushing my way through the crowd, I hurried over to her; dimly Aware of the customers following my every move.
Never taking my eyes off Bella for a second I kept my attention focused on her, blocking out everyone else around me; fearful that she would disappear like a phantom before me, and I would be left wondering if I hadn't imagined her.
Easing past the last group of people, who turned their heads to watch me; the expression on their faces one of quiet disapproval, I walked over to the bar, and stood next to her, and then my mind went completely blank; all rational thoughts heading out the window.
What the hell am I going to say? I thought?I had been so desperate to get over to her; I hadn't given a single thought as to what I might say when I finally got there.
"Can I help ya?" said the barmaid breaking my concentration. Dressed in a long flowery print dress; she had her long dark hair pinned back off her face, her sharp features twisting into a sort of grimace. Her eerily luminous green eyes glinting menacingly like two sharp daggers, as she stared at me impatiently, leaning her full weight against the bar, her hands?which I had to admit were unusually large for a girl, spread out across the wooden surface. The fingers on her left hand drumming out an irregular beat.
"Well?" she repeated, moving her hands to her hips, and yawning loudly, "What will it be??"
"Do you have any Glenfiddick I asked?" my voice emerging as a frightened mouse like squeak.
"Yeah," she said, arching an eyebrow in my direction.
"Do ya want a double or single?
"I'll have a double please," I said, tensing at the negative energy I could sense seeping out from her, like an invisible fogbank.
She then made her way over to the optics at the end of the bar to get my drink, and I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that she was gone. Pulling myself up onto the barstool, I focused my attention back to the girl sitting next to me, who had likewise shifted on her stool to face me, and it was with baited breath, that I found myself being pulled into a pair of familiar brown eyes.
"Annabella" I exclaimed, my voice sounding a pitch higher than usual, a huge grin spreading across my face?you idiot?I thought giving myself a mental slap?she's going to think you're out on day release sounding like that.
Unaware of my mental predicament, her brow furrowing in confusion, Annabella looked at me strangely as if she didn't know who I was.
"Annabella?Bella" I said correcting myself, "It's me Jenny, we met the day before yesterday?in the coffee shop?don't you remember"
Then as if by magic, a wave of realisation swept over her soft features, and she smiled at me in recognition.
"Jenny?of course?I remember?I was just thinking about you?how are you?it's so good to see you?" she said squeezing my hand gently between her own. Her brown eyes twinkling, her lips forming into a soft smile, which made my legs, turn to jelly under me.
"Here's your drink," said the barmaid, slamming the glass between us to grab my attention, and almost making me fall of my chair with fright. Ignoring her for the moment, I turned back to face Bella.
"Can I get you a drink?" I asked.
Again she tried to protest, but before the words had reached her lips I had already reached into my wallet, and pulled out a ten pound note.
"Okay" she sighed in exasperation rolling her eyes back, "I can see, there's no arguing with you?I'll have the same as you then" she said pointing at my glass.
Placing the ten pound note in the barmaid's hand, I said "Can I have another for my friend please"
"Okay," she said fixing her grave cold stone glare on Bella
"Is there a problem?" I asked taking a deep breath, steeling myself to be brave; feeling like a knight about to charge into battle for the safety, and sake of their fair damsel.
"No, there's no problem," she said keeping her eyes on Bella. Her hands curling into fists, her lips forming into a sort of hideous leer, seeing this I reached over, and placed a protective hand on the back of Bella's chair.
Staring straight into the barmaid's eyes as I did, after muttering something incomprehensible under her breath, she turned round, and went back over to the optics to get the other drink, returning a few seconds after, Bella's drink in her hand.
"There you go," she said placing Bella's drink next to mine,
"And there's your change," she said dropping the loose coins into my hand.
Then leaning over the bar toward me in a conspiratorial fashion, she placed a hand on my arm. Her nails digging into the skin, making me wince. Behind us I noticed most of the pub stop what they were doing, and place their drinks down collectively, as she whispered in my ear.
"If I were you I'd be careful of the company keep."
And then she walked over to some other customers who were waiting to be served, their eyes, like everyone else's in the pub still lingering on me.
Scratching my head I turned away, and tried to make some sense out of the cryptic message she had given me?.what would make her say something like that I asked myself?but no matter how hard my mind tried to answer the question, I couldn't for the life of me think of an answer as to why she would say something like that. Turning to face Bella, I placed her drink in front of her on the bar, and attempted to ask her what was going on.
But she didn't hear me; she just sat there, silent as the grave, her head down, her eyes fixed on the floor. Arms wrapped tightly around herself again. Her whole body hunched over, as she rocked herself back and forth like a child trying to comfort itself.
"Hey?are you allright" I asked placing my left hand on her shoulder; I could feel her shaking through the thin cotton material of her dress.
"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked suddenly concerned by just how frightened she really was.
"It's nothing?" she said, lifting her head up to look into my eyes, "Look, it was a mistake for me to come here" she said "I'd better go"
"Sure, we can do that"
"Let's just have these drinks, and we can go anywhere you want?" I said, rubbing her shoulder gently, and giving her one of my most dazzling smiles, but all I could manage to raise from her was the tiniest of smiles in response, and she looked drained from the effort?.but it was a start.
Placing her drink in her hand, I picked my own up off the bar, and knocked it back, conscious of everyone in the pub still staring at us, their eyes on my back, finally I couldn't stand it anymore, and slamming the empty glass down on the bar, I spun around to face them all, my jaw set tightly, as I tried to keep my temper.
My arms folded tightly across my chest, my green eyes widening in growing agitation, an almost perfect replica of the medusa stare which my own mum had used on more than one occasion to get her point across. Everyone jumped back in surprise as one, stunned into a momentary stony silence from my psychotic stare, arms covering their faces like shields, trying to block it out.
Then slowly they turned away from me, dropping their gaze back to their glasses, and shifting uncomfortably from where they were sitting or standing, before returning their attention back to their own lives, and their own conversations.
By the time I turned round to ask if she was okay, Bella had disappeared out of the door. Grabbing my jacket, I rushed outside after her. She was leaning against the doorframe, her body bent over, long tapering fingers spread out over her face, and I could make out the sound of muffled sobbing from behind them. Leaning over towards her, I lifted her hands gently away, and she looked at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Reaching a hand up to her cheek, I gently brushed away the tears that were still falling from her eyes.
"Hey, what it is?" I asked pulling myself closer, so that I could see her face more clearly, finding her silence a little unnerving, and the way she kept staring at the doorway behind us, as if she feared something might leap out of the darkness to grab us both.
All I could get out of her was a barely audible sentence, which sounded like "It's nothing", and then her face crumpled again, followed soon after by the tears that she had no control over.
After a few minutes had passed between us I could stand it no longer, and acting on sheer impulse I wrapped my arms around her, and held her to me, running my hand thorough her soft hair, as I waited for her sobbing to subside.
"I'm okay now," she said pulling away from me.
"So," I said placing my jacket back around her, in an attempt to distract her from whatever demons that might be haunting her.
"Where to now...?"
"I don't know," she sighed, her expression changing again. Her eyes misting over, as she stared past me at the now grey sky, raising a hand to her chin, as she struck a somewhat thoughtful pose.
"We could go on a walk round the rest of the harbour, or there's a beach a bit further down from here?we could go there?if you want?"
"S?sure" I stammered, wrapping my arms around myself, and trying in my own ludicrous way to pretend that I wasn't feeling the cold.
"You look freezing" she noted, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.
"No?no?D?D?Don't you worry about it," I said determined to continue the charade, even when the sky opened up, and I felt the first spots of rain falling on me.
"Please you've been very kind to me" she said ", but I don't want you to end up with a cold on my behalf?please? let me give you back your jacket" she said
"No, no" I said "I?D?D don't want you to get wet either,"
"Well in that case" she said "We're going to have to share it then"
Signalling for me to get under with her, she opened the coat out, pulling me over to her when I hesitated.
"Come on don't be shy," she said smiling encouragingly, and easing her arm around my waist, hoping that the warmth of her body, would cease my shaking,"
"Maybe we should find some shelter first," I said through chattering teeth
"Well where do you suggest we go?" answered Bella looking as equally cold, and miserable as I was.
"Well, there's always the café" I said pointing to the illuminated shop windows of the small coffee shop at the end of the road.
"I was going to go there anyway?.if you want to we can grab some food, and get a quick warm?.before we decide what to do next"
"I haven't got any money on me" said Bella staring miserably at the ground.
"Don't worry about it" I said "I can afford it"
"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyes clouding over, becoming even darker, until they mirrored the colour of the sky above us.
"Yes, yes I'm sure," I insisted.
"Now come on lets get out of the cold before we both turn into icicles."
***
Thick Venetian blinds covered the windows, and I could detect the scent of pine disinfectant lingering in the air. The only other sound I could make out was the waitress moving from table to table, clearing up after the customers who had long since departed. The heels of her shoes tapping nosily against the cold Linoleum tiled floor. Grabbing the nearest table I pulled out a chair for Bella, helping her out of my jacket, and placing it behind her, then pulling out the chair facing her, I sat down.
The waitress who had now cleared most of the tables of their dirt, and debris; stopped what she was doing, her hands full of plates, and cutlery, looking as though she were trying to complete some marvellous balancing trick. Peering over the stack of plates she was holding she sighed heavily. Stooping over to place the precarious pile she was holding onto the table in front of her, before she made her way over to us, brushing her hands absently across the front of her apron as she did.
The same waitress who had served us both that first day Bella and I had met. Only this time she had her blonde hair hung in loose ringlets about her face, and when she looked at me her green eyes sparkled brightly in recognition.
"Nice to see ye again," she said her generous lips pulling back into a dazzling smile.
"Here's the menu for today" she said placing it in my open hands.
"Would ye like to order any drinks?" She asked.
"Yes?I'll have a cappuccino," I answered. Fixing my eyes on the small name badge pinned to the front of her heavily starched apron, which read "Shannon"
"Okay" she said whipping out a small notepad, and pen, and writing it down.
"And ye friend?" she said waving the pen over towards Bella
Leaning over the table, Bella picked up the menu that was propped up in front of me. Opening it out she flattened it down with both hands, scanning through the section written in huge bold lettering which read Drinks, and beverages.
Running a light finger down the list of drinks that were there, she pursed her lips thoughtfully? finally deciding on a small glass of lemonade
"So that's one cappuccino and one glass of lemonade" said Shannon repeating back the order to us.
Glancing up at her I nodded in confirmation, watching as she tucked the notepad, and pen away in a small pocket in the front of her apron; brushing herself down again, as she made her way over to the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I was dimly aware of Bella watching Shannon as she picked up the plates from the table she had left them on, a strange look on her face, as her eyes followed the girl across the floor.
"You?okay" I asked placing a hand on her arm.
Turning to me Bella looked somewhat confused, her mouth opening as if she was going to ask me something; instead she slid back in her chair, and let out an exasperated sigh.
"I know?I said?I bet by the end of the day you're going to be absolutely sick of me asking you that" I said waggling my eyebrows at her.
"No?no?not at all" said Bella the smile returning to her face,
"You've been very kind?it's just?it's just?oh it doesn't matter?just ignore me?I'm just tired."
Then focusing her attention back to the menu, she pulled it closer to her face, and let out another sigh.
"Oh, I just don't know what to order."
"What do you want?" she said pushing the menu over the table towards me. Opening it out onto the list of mains that was typed out in similar bold lettering, I read through the range of meals that were there, deciding on the colcannon with boiled potatoes, and cabbage.
"That sounds nice," said Bella "I'll have the same"
"There ye go," said Shannon who had drifted in between us like a mist without me noticing, placing the tray she was holding on the table, and setting the drinks balancing on it neatly side by side in front of me.
"Are ye ready to order?" She asked, pulling out the pen, and pad and pen from out of her pocket, and holding the pen poised over the paper, ready for her to write.
"Yes" I said searching the table for the menu, which was still in Bella's hands, "Bella" I said placing my hand on her arm to grab her attention, and gesturing towards the menu?"can I just"
"Of course" she said, extending the menu out towards me, her hand brushing ever so lightly against mine as I took it from her.
Lifting it up so the waitress could see it better, I pointed to the Colcannon, and said "We'll both have that please."
"Okay" she said writing the order down. "And would ye like any more drinks while ye wait?" she asked
"No thank you," I said, and then turning to Bella I pointed at her glass "Would you like another?" I asked.
"No?just the one will do for now," she said smiling.
Folding the menu over, I handed it back to Shannon, who pushed it under her other arm, holding the notepad out in front of her. Only this time she headed back across the floor towards the kitchen area. Opening the door next to the counter she disappeared inside, the door closing solidly behind her.
"So," Said Bella lifting her glass up, and taking a small sip of the clear liquid.
"Have you seen anything of the rest of the village??"
"No, just the harbour so far?"
"Oh, then I'll have to take you there sometime," she said her dark eyes sparkling in anticipation. Her pale skin illuminated by the bright orange flame of the candle sitting between us; creating a warm aura like glow around her that made my stomach turn over over at the sight.
I felt as if I was spiralling out of control, and no matter how hard I tried I just I couldn't take my eyes off her. Everything about her took my breath away?.her eyes, the way she smiled. The way her hair fell across her shoulders, framing her forehead in soft waves. I could feel my heart racing every time she looked at me, and I forced myself to look away, afraid that if I held her gaze for too long than she would see the truth of my feelings?and be frightened off.
"There's a beach not far from here," she said bringing my eyes back to her own, as if some invisible magnetic field lay between us that I couldn't pull away from.
"If you'd like to," she continued blissfully unaware of my mental predicament, "we could go there sometime, or failing that there's also a small shopping centre if you want to do any shopping?.or if you really want to stick to the harbour, there's a restaurant not far from here."
"You mean the harbour view?I saw it the other day...it looked nice," I muttered into my cappuccino.
"So did you go in?" asked Bella suddenly curious
"No...But I made plans to go back there?I don't know," I said trying to make my voice sound as casual as possible.
"Maybe if you want, we could go together sometime?and see what the food's like?.," "Anyway enough about that?" I continued, relieved to change the subject.
"What about you?" I asked, hoping that she would be more willing to talk this time.
"I mean? I've told you quite a lot about myself, but I hardly know anything about you."
"It's boring really," said Annabella looking at everything in the room but me.
"I'm sure it's not?" I said giving her my most winning smile in an attempt to coax her into talking.
"Honestly there's nothing to say," she insisted
"Come on," I urged "There must be something to tell..."
"No honestly?there isn't" said Bella looking suddenly uncomfortable.
"Come on, it can't be all that bad?Can it?" I asked, imagining the words that might emerge from her lips next, and for a brief moment I wondered if I really wanted to find out?.what if I didn't like what I heard?what then?
"Can't we just change the subject" pleaded Bella.
"Why change the subject?" I asked, curiosity suddenly taking over the fear of what she might say next. "Why don't you want to talk about yourself?"
"It's not that I don't want to talk about myself" said Bella,
"It's just?it's just?"
"It's just what?" I interjected, "What's going on Bella, what could possibly be so terrible that you don't want to talk about it?I don't understand, you need to help me understand. I have all these questions, and not one single answer, and when I try to ask you? you just fob me off?.Why is that?...Why you are so sacred to talk about yourself?does it have something to do with that barmaid, and the way she acted towards you?...What was going on there Bella??Does she have something against you? Do the rest of the people in that pub. Judging by the way they were watching me, when I sat next to you?something must be going on. I know I'm a stranger here Bella, but I know something's not right. You know she warned me about you?told me "If I were you I'd be careful of the company you keep". Can you explain to me why she would do that? Can you?"
"I'm sorry Jenny?I don't want to talk about it?please?please?.can we just change the subject," she begged; her dark eyes pleading with me not to continue, a single tear running down her face.
"Okay?okay?.don't cry" I said sighing heavily, still bewildered by her refusal to give out even the smallest bit of information about herself, but willing to let the matter drop for now.
"Thank you" sad Bella, her dark eyes fixed on the table in front of her, as she wrung her hands nervously.
"I bought a book the other day," I said trying to take her mind off whatever was bothering her.
"It's just up the road from here," I said pointing to the window.
"Sells a lot of old copies of books, the shopkeeper there's friendly enough, but a bit eccentric at times, reminded me a bit of Merlin with his long white beard, and flowing white hair?.said his name was Dauvit," I said taking a mouthful of coffee.
"Do you know him?" I asked?aware that I was probably babbling on like an idiot, but unable to stop the words from spilling from out of my mouth, afraid that I might suddenly trip over the torrent of sentences spewing out. The atmosphere between us now so thick, you could have sliced through it with a carving knife.
A thin layer of perspiration covering my forehead, I felt suddenly sick and nervous by the silence that lingered between us, which was so heavy I could feel it pressing down upon my shoulders, making me slouch forward in my chair.
"I've seen him in passing," said Bella, finally breaking the awful silence, her eyes finding mine again, as she finished off the rest of her lemonade.
"Sold me a first edition of dickens?would you believe it for thirty pounds." I said, swallowing back the nauseous feeling that was spreading round my body.
"That's cheap," remarked Bella
"Certainly is?" I said, my nerves sounding in my voice. "I mean you can pay over a thousand pounds for a copy anywhere else, "I said, my lips pulling back into a somewhat awkward smile. After a few minutes Bella, looked at me again.
"You okay" she asked
"Yeah?I'm sorry if I went on it a bit before?."
"Its okay" she said, her lips breaking out into a warm smile, the sparkle returning to her eyes.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I held her gaze for a few seconds, and returned her smile. The nervous sickly feeling inside me disappearing like a bad dream.
"Oh I almost forgot?" I said, my thoughts going back to the other day, "In the bookshop?there was this other man who came in while I was talking to Dauvit, huge bulk of a man, with this horrible stare that gave me the chills every time he looked at me. He said his name was Hager, and I don't know why but Dauvit seemed terrified of him?I hope he's allright?It's just when I last saw him it looked like things were getting out of hand between him, and this Hager character?I just hope I was wrong," I said placing my empty cup down in front of me.
"Hager," repeated Bella, hardly hearing a word I'd said; her hands gripping the tablecloth in front of her so tightly that her knuckles turned white from the pressure. Her pale skin turning to chalky white,
"Why do you know him aswell?" I asked leaning over the table towards her. "Can you tell me anything about him? I asked
"I'm s?sorry Jenny," stuttered Bella, "But?I can't help you" she said, half stumbling, half rising from her chair, almost sending the chair tumbling over as she did.
"Woah?hold on?what's wrong?what are you so scared of?" I asked, the nervous tone returning to my voice. It seemed to me as if the whole scenario was slipping out of my control, and to make matters worse we weren't alone. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Shannon returning with our food.
"C'mon Bella?your food's here," I said pointing to Shannon, who was now standing next to me.
"Is there a problem?" she asked, placing the food she was holding down on the table.
"No, no. no," I stated trying to sound calmer than I felt.
Her eyes moving from Bella, Shannon looked as confused as I was, as she turned round, and walked back over to the counter, where she stood with her arms across her chest watching us; even with my back to her, I could feel her questioning eyes burning a hole through my t shirt.
"Look Bella" I said ignoring Shannon for the moment, and pointing to the food.
"Maybe if you just have something to eat?you might feel better," I said, moving round the table to stand next to her, and placing my arms around her waist in an attempt to console her, as I tried to think of something, anything I could say that would help to calm her down.
"No?I can't?I'm sorry I've got to go," she said. Pulling away from me, and pacing over to the door, her long dress trailing out behind her.
"Will I see you again?" I shouted after her, my voice catching for a moment.
"I don't know?Jenny I just don't know,"
Her dark eyes brimming with an overwhelming sadness, she backed slowly away from me, hitting the doorframe behind her.
Then for a few minutes she just stood there, looking deep into my eyes, and I found myself falling into them again.
"Look?It's better for you if you just forget you ever saw me" she said, bringing me crashing back to reality.
Reaching over to the wooden door handle behind her, she turned away from me, pushing the door to, and then she was gone, fading away before my eyes, like a spectre; her tiny figure disappearing into the dark night that lay beyond.
Leaving me standing there, alone with my thoughts....and a sudden indescribable ache in my heart; my mind echoing with confusion; my head throbbing, making me feel as if I were stuck in a vice that was becoming tighter, and tighter, until I feared I would explode like a ticking time bomb from the immense pressure that was building up inside me?.as I struggled to understand, what the hell had just happened?
Time seemed to stop dead in its tracks, and then run on again in slow motion, and standing there in the middle of the harbour I felt alone, and vulnerable, a victim to the feelings coursing through me. Everything felt as if it was spiralling out of control, and nothing made sense to me anymore, save one thought which stood out against all others, like a bright beacon at sea against a dark night sky. I had to find Bella.
Everything else paled into shadowy insignificance, and the only thing that I could focus on was finding her, like a figure carved from stone, I stood still, and silent, my mind racing as I tried to think of where to look next. Numb to the raging elements around me, my heart a lead weight in my chest. I needed some kind of explanation for what happened between us in the coffee shop, but more than that I needed to understand her overreaction from me merely mentioning Hager's name in her presence.
I hated to admit it but it was just like Dauvit all over again, and the phrase 'walking over someone's grave' suddenly sprang to mind when I thought of how her face had become suddenly pale, and frightened, as though an invisible shadow had passed over her; the fear that had been in her eyes, and the slight tremor that had been evident in her voice when she had turned and spoke those last few words to me, before disappearing into the dark night.
"It's better for you, if you just forget you ever saw me."
Was that what she wanted?....I asked myself ?if it was than I knew I should respect her wishes, and just simply leave things as they were?but when I pictured the moment again, there had been something in the way that she had looked at me, that cast a cloud of doubt in my mind, and convinced me otherwise. A brief flicker of an emotion that lay hidden behind those eyes, that begged me to stay, and help her, and I was powerless to refuse.
But you hardly know her?my mind rationalised. In many Ways she's still a stranger to you?but that doesn't matter my heart argued back?those few hours that I had spent with her at the pub, and later at the café had been the happiest of my life, and I was unwilling, and unable to simply forget about her, or the time we had spent together.
Somehow I had to find her to let her know that if she wanted me to than I would offer her any help I could. Well you can't very well help her, or anyone else for that matter if you freeze to death?I thought, pulling my coat tighter around my frozen body, in an effort to keep out the cold wind rushing round me.
Pushing up the left sleeve of my leather jacket just a fraction, I glanced at my watch, wiping the glass clear in a circular motion with the back of my right hand. It was five minutes away from eight' o'clock. Hours had passed without me even noticing, and the weather was becoming increasingly worse with each passing second.
The loud rumble of thunder overhead signalling another storm; having already searched every nook, and cranny of the harbour, I was finally forced to give up; beaten back by the terrible conditions and the fact that it was so dark that I couldn't see so much as a hand span in front of me in any direction.
Heading over to the nearest payphone, which was just across the road from me, I punched in the number of a local taxi firm determined that I would continue my search in the morning, after a warm bath, a hot cup of coco, and a decent night's sleep. I could stop off at Charlak's café, and grab some breakfast, find out if there was a regular bus service that went into the main village; I could then pay the antique bookshop another visit.
Partly because I'd promised to pass Dauvit the shopkeeper a copy of my first novel, and partly to see if I could uncover anything further about this illusive Hager character, and why he had been so afraid of him. He was after all just a man, made of mere flesh and blood, and as vulnerable to injury or death as any other man, although from way Dauvit had reacted when faced with him?it was hard to not think otherwise.
Perhaps in the village I could wipe away the many layers of mystery surrounding him, and Annabella, discover what connection if any there was between them. There might be a library where I could do some research on the subject?I thought as I waited for my taxi to arrive. Half an hour later it pulled up to the kerb across the road from me, thick rubber tires sending small jets of rainwater shooting upwards, in my direction; missing me by a few inches as I made my way over to it.
My hair matted to my forehead, rainwater dripping from my hair, and into my eyes, making it difficult to see, I Opened the car's rear door, and seated myself in the back. Scraping my wet, still dripping hair back off my face, as I called out my address to the driver
"128 Mayfair cottage, Cragston hill please."
Sinking into the soft cushioned upholstery, I reached over awkwardly to fasten my seatbelt, turning my face to the window to watch as the harbour disappeared from sight; the scenery gradually changing to empty side streets, and brightly illuminated residential buildings, to flowers, and grassy fields.
The grassy rise of Cragston hill slowly emerging, as we made our way toward my lonely cottage at the top. The rain finally dying down, as we pulled up outside the front door,
"That'll be two pounds, seventy Miss," said the driver, turning round briefly to look at me. His face blanketed in shadows, the only visible feature that I could make out were his eyes, which I figured to be a sort of jade colour. Squinting in the dim light inside the car, I reached into my jeans pocket, and pulled out what loose change I had. Sorting through the collection of coins that were there, I handed him the exact fare, and stepped out of the taxi door, turning to thank him, before I shut it behind me, and made my way to my front door.
My thoughts drifting back again to Bella, as I put my key in the lock, and pushed the heavy door inwards, pausing for a moment before I stepped inside; an image of Bella's face appearing in my mind. Hovering between the front door and the hallway?I found myself wondering, what she was doing, and hoping that she was somewhere safe. Did she have a place of her own?I never did find out where she lived?Or was she still out in this god awful weather, alone, with not a single soul to turn to.
Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I walked over to the coat rack, closing the front door behind me, and hung my sodden coat up on last empty hook that was there, and made my way into the living room; across the wooden floorboards, and over to the stairs. The darkness around me, making my mind dwell on less pleasant memories?Hager's face swimming to the front of my mind. Taking the stairs a tiny step at a time, I swallowed back the fear that his face invoked, and stepped onto the landing, the small stretch of corridor spread out in front of me.
Cloaked in shadow, the bathroom just a few feet away from me, the patterned paper on the wall shifted into shapes, which spread slowly across the walls. Transforming, changing into huge hideous phantoms, each one bearing Hager's face, those terrible eyes burning into mine.
Rushing past them I went on towards the bathroom, pushing the door inward, and taking a hesitant step inside, reaching inside I stretched out my arms in front of me like a blind man, the darkness of the room interrupted briefly by random flashes of lightning from the bathroom window, adding to the already eerie feeling there. Running my hand along the wall, I pushed back the irrational sensation of fear rising up inside of me, a sick horrible feeling, that I wasn't alone, and that someone or something was watching me from the shadows.
My fingers closing over the light switch, I breathed a sigh of relief as the room was immediately immersed in light, my eyes going over every inch of the room, just to be sure. Walking over to the radiator, I picked up one of the towels that were hung over it to dry, and quickly made my way back out into the hall, flicking on each light switch as I went past. I then made my way back down the stairs, and into the living room, drying my face, and hair on the way down.
Walking back over to the fire I dropped to my knees in front of it, turning the small grey dial on top, to the right towards the hallway, and pushing the ignition key down at the same time, watching as a row of bright orange flames shot suddenly upwards without warning.
Backing away onto the sofa behind me, I sank back into the soft cushions with a lazy contented sigh, my body ravaged by tiredness, my mind worn down by the day's events; the warmth of the fire, thawing out my partly frozen body, lulling me to sleep; my eyelids becoming heavy, until it got to the point where I could hardly keep them open.
My head nodding forward onto my chest, I had almost drifted off, a vision of Bella's beautiful face appearing in my mind. Closing my eyes I could hear her soft voice beckoning me into the darkness; the beach scene from the last dream I had of her materialising around her, hazy at first but becoming gradually clearer.
She was standing at the water's edge again, her arms stretched out in front of her, reaching out towards me. Her dark eyes urging me to come over, her lips silently forming my name; a warm feeling descending over me, I could sense myself taking a step towards her, her smile all the more inviting as I gradually closed the distance between us?I felt my hand slip into hers?could feel her pulling me closer to her?and then the phone rang, and the dream picture splintered into a thousand tiny fragments, and I shot forward in shock, and surprise, my heart racing as I forced myself to open my eyes.
"Wha?" I mumbled incoherently. Struggling to keep my eyes from closing again, I Lifted my arm up, tilting my wrist until I could see the glass face of my watch?it was 9.00, not as late as I had thought it had been.
Covering my yawns with the back of my hand, I walked back through the hall, and over to the phone table on legs that threatened to buckle under me.
Shaking myself awake again, I blinked rapidly to clear my mind, leaning on the wall for a moment to steady myself, as I reached over blindly for the phone.
Picking it up off the phone table, I lifted the receiver to my mouth.
"Hello?" I said, in a voice that sounded weak and weary.
"Hi sweetheart," Said the cheerful voice on the other end, which despite my head feeling as though it had been wrapped in cotton wool, I immediately recognised as my mum's.
"Hi mum" I said between yawns.
"You sound tired," she said "I hope you're not working yourself too hard" "No, I'm fine?just had a busy day that's all."
"You should get yourself up to bed?get an early night. You work yourself too hard dear?I worry about you sometimes, you do know that you need at lest eight hours sleep to keep healthy,"she stated, as if she was telling me something that I hadn't already been aware of before.
"I know" I said mentally preparing myself for yet another lecture on health issues, and more than a little surprised when there was none.
"How's the cottage?" she simply asked jumping onto to another subject entirely "Tell me?Is it as nice as it looks on the pictures?"
"It's better than the pictures?you and Dad should really should come down, and see it for yourself?when you've got the time?" I suggested "It's lovely really"
"We'll try and come down to see you in a week or so sweetie, then we can see it for ourselves, and I don't know maybe go have a look round the village aswell. Stop off at one of the local pubs, have a meal together like we used to. Spend some quality time together, and catch up on things,
. Until then will you just promise me one thing?"
"What?"
"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself, no pushing yourself too hard, you always were your own worst enemy when it came to trying to doing more than you were able? oh?and make sure you eat regularly, and get enough sleep?I mean we can't have you wasting away down there now can we,"
"I'm okay" I said sighing heavily "You don't have to worry about me?.I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself"
"I do worry though I can't help it?you're my only daughter, and you're up there all on your own?in that big house, with no one around for over a mile?I can't help worrying?I know you think I'm being a nag?and an interfering old woman?and I realise you're all grown up now?but that won't ever stop me from worrying about you? I only do it because I love you so much?you know that right."
"I know,"
"Anyway, any news to tell me before I go" continued my mum "Are there any people your own age up there?Have you made any friends yet?"
"Some," I said
"Anyone special that you might want to tell me about,"
"Mum, I've only been here a few days?but yes?if you must know than I have met someone special?a girl in the harbour; we met in one of the coffee shops?I've only seen her twice now?but we got on really well," I said. My mind going back to the dream, and then to incident in the pub, and later to the coffee shop, and for a brief moment I wondered if I should mention anything to my mum about what had happened, but immediately decided against it. After all there was no point in worrying her for no good reason, and besides I couldn't explain what was going on until I found out myself.
I paused for a moment to think, unsure of what to say next.
"Do you like her" prompted my mum.
"Ahh Mum" I said sounding years younger than my actual age of twenty years, "We're only friends, and nothing more, besides she's probably got a boyfriend or something," I said, my voce sounding ridiculously small.
"Well you don't know until you ask" continued my mum; acting as if she hadn't heard a word I'd said
"And does this mystery girl have a name" she asked
"Yeah?her name's Annabella," I said rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, a sleepy smile stretching across my lips.
"What a lovely name?I'm sure she's a delightful young girl" said my mum, in that familiar tone that usually hinted that she was planning something.
"Now?you'll have to tell me all about her when I come down?goodness look at the time?" she said "You get yourself off to bed right away young lady, you sound absolutely dreadful?oh, your dad says hi?see you soon sweetheart?love you?bye"
"Bye mum, love you"
Putting the phone down, I went back into the living room, and headed over to the fire, switching the ignition button to off, and making sure I remembered to turn off all the lights down there. I then made my way back upstairs, back down the small stretch of hallway, and into my bedroom at the very bottom.
Closing the door behind me, I walked over to the tiny bedside table, and switched on the lamp sitting in the middle of it. Pulling off my wet clothes, piece by piece, and dropping them into an untidy pile on the floor, the cold air hitting my naked skin, and making me shiver involuntarily.
Placing the towel that I was still holding on the end of the bed, I Walked over to my wardrobe; closing the curtains over, and easing the top drawer open. Rooting around inside I Pulled out a pair of light blue cotton pyjamas, and pulling on the pants and the jacket in one fluid motion, reaching over I grabbed my hairbrush, on the top of the dresser, next to my mirror; pulling the stool out in front of it, and sat down on. Brushing through my still damp hair; and placing the brush back where I had found it when I was done.
Pushing the stool back to its original place, I walked back over to the bed, conscious of the feel of the cold floor beneath my feet. Pulling myself up onto the thick sturdy mattress, I climbed inside the thick white duvet, pulling it tightly round my body, until it resembled a kind of cocoon, and was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
After a quick shower to wake myself up I made my way back into my bedroom to throw on some fresh clothes, a black polo neck jumper, and a pair of blue stonewashed denim jeans, with the logo Easywear sewn onto the back pocket. Opening the bottom drawer of my dresser I pulled out a pair of socks; moving over to the bed, and stooping over to grab my shoes from under it, as soon as I was dressed, I walked out my bedroom door, forcing my still fragile feeling body out into the hallway, and down the stairs.
Cutting through the living room, and then straight into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee in my favourite blue mug which was still sitting on the black marble kitchen counter where I left it, stretching up till I was balancing on tiptoes I reached up to grab two headache tablets from the medicine cabinet opposite the food pantry, hoping to ease the throbbing pain in my head, I then focused my attention on the window opposite me, cradling my coffee cup between my hands as I stared out at the grey sky beyond the painted blue window frame
.
Moving closer to the window I dropped my cup into the grey plastic wash bowl in the sink below, and made my way back into the living room, walking out the door at the far end of the room, and out into the hallway, until I came to a Stop at the coat racks. Only this time instead of my leather jacket, I grabbed the thick wool lined brown suede jacket that my mum had bought me for Christmas just gone, just in case the weather took a nasty turn again.
Grabbing my keys, and wallet from out of my leather jacket, which was still soaking wet from getting caught in the rain the other day, I stuffed my house keys into the left hand pocket of the coat I had on, opening the front door, and exchanging my wallet to my jeans pocket, before stepping outside into the cool morning air, reaching back with my free hand to shut the door solidly behind me.
I then started to walk towards Cragston hill, my eyes fixed on the sky above, which had darkened considerably in the space of just a few seconds. Great?I thought?.knowing my luck with the weather here?it would probably rain again?. I had been here for less than a week?but so far I had managed to get drenched on two separate occasions?Well at least you wrapped up warm this time?I mused? as I shuffled through a thick patch of grass, passing by a group of rare, and radiant wildflowers as I began to make my way downhill, and toward the harbour, which was little more than a tiny speck in the distance.
I could make out a row of fishing boats docked at the pier, the stooped figures of several fishermen atop each one, their attention focused on the congregation of customers who were gathering round them.
Walking back up Brahms Street, I turned the corner, and headed back up Stoker Avenue, and then onto Saul Street, and across a small grassy field, that led me back to Charlak's coffee house. The shop door, which was which round the other side of the building was slightly ajar, Pushing it all the way open, I went inside, easing my way past the line of people queuing up at the shop counter, waiting to pay for their meals, the queue stopping just short off the front door.
Every available space was taken up, save one near the bar. Crammed with customers, it was full to bursting point, leaving little room to breathe, or move around comfortably without getting elbowed, shoved or stamped on. What little ventilation there was failing miserably to make the room feel any less hot and stuffy, suddenly claustrophobic by all the people crowded round me, and I had a sudden irrational urge to run out into the street to find some space to clear my head.
Cutting a path round the tables, and the people gathered round them, I made my way over to the spare table I had seen near the bar, moving towards it, as quickly and as carefully as I could before another customer swooped down, to claim it. By the time I had crossed over the floor, and placed my hands on the back of the chair, I felt as if I been ten rounds in a boxing ring, from all the knocks I had received on my way over. Chairs sliding outwards, banging into me, people stepping on my feet, mixed in with apologies which I could barely make out over the sound of everyone talking at once.
Sitting myself in the chair, I looked round for Shannon the waitress, but she was nowhere to be seen. From behind me, I could hear the sound of more scraping chairs, their wooden legs being dragged slowly across the tiled floor, sounding excruciatingly like fingernails being dragged along a chalkboard.
In the background I could hear people cursing, tables moving, accompanied by various grunts, and complaints. Tilting my head, I listened intently to the cacophony of noises behind me, and was able to vaguely make out one sound amid all the others, a woman voice, with a soft Scottish accent, which I immediately recognised as Shannon's, and as I leaned in further to concentrate on her voice?I managed to catch a few broken up sentences.
"Excuse me miss?.sorry sir?.could you push your chair in sir?thank you sir...just a moment sir?I'll be there as soon as I can sir"
I then felt a light tap on my shoulder, and when I turned round I found myself staring up into her expressive green eyes.
"Well, hello there" she said her lips breaking out into a 100 watt smile,
"It's nice to see ye again...." she said, handing the menu over to me, which was tucked under her arm, "can I order ye any drinks while you decide what ya want"
Scanning through the list of drinks, and beverages quickly I said
"I'll have a coffee please"
"Milk and sugar?"
"Yes please" I said rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands, and suppressing a yawn
Pulling her notepad and pen she wrote it down with a flourish, her lips breaking out into another infectious smile, which I couldn't help returning.
"Okay" she said so that's one coffee, milk and sugar"
"Yeah, thanks"
Stuffing the notepad in her apron pocket she tuned to go over to another customer who was signalling her over, "Your coffee shouldn't be too long" she said as she began to walk away
"Can I just ask you something?" I called after her, feeling suddenly self conscious when some of the customers who were seated round me, turned their heads at the sound of my voice to look at me.
"Sure she said" Moving near the table to face me, "But you're gonna have to make it quick, as ye can see its crazy in here,"
"I'll try?" I said "Well you know the girl that I was with the other day"
"What about her?" asked Shannon
"Well yesterday after she ran out of the coffee shop?I ran out after her"
"I know I saw you" said Shannon looking suddenly uncomfortable, as the people sat round us leant in ever more closer, as though they were trying to make out what was being said.
"Anyway" I continued ignoring them, and focusing my attention on Shannon who was leaning on the chair opposite me "It was right after I mentioned this bloke called Hager to her?a charming character I met in the bookshop just up the road from here, anyway, as soon as she heard his name...I don't why?but she just looked so scared, and then she just ran out on me. I needed to know why she was so frightened by me mentioning this Hager's name in front of her?so I followed her, but she was nowhere to be seen?I spent the rest of the evening searching for her?but couldn't find her?How about you?" I asked staring up Shannon "do you know this Hager person?"
"Yeah?.he's does most of the odd jobs in town" she said lowering her eyes to the floor, her face becoming somewhat paler"
"Can you tell me anything about him?? "
"I'm sorry I can't t help you?I'm busy" she said turning her back to me,
"Why?" I asked placing a hand on her shoulder, and gently pulling her round, until she was facing me again.
"What's going on?" I persisted "Please if you can tell me anything" I said resting my hand gently on her arm.
"Look "she said her tone sharp,
"You seem like a nice enough girl, but I can't help you, and if I were you I'd leave things alone that don't concern you, and just forget about the girl you where with?trust me when I say that you've no idea what you're getting yourself into?just forget her?she's not worth it"
"It's too late for that?I can't?she's in trouble?.and I?.I?I have to help her,"
Then fixing my eyes with hers I repeated my request my voice nearly breaking
"Please isn't there anything you can tell me about her, even if it's just an address, so I can track her down myself" I said staring up at her, my green eyes huge and imploring.
"Okay" she sighed, then leaning over until her lips were right next to my ear she breathed the next sentence "I can't talk now, not with all these people round, but I have a break soon?then looking at her watch she said "Meet me at the bar about an hour from now, and then we'll talk"
TO BE CONTINUED