INSTALLMENT THREE

INSTALLMENT FOUR

Brett had signed so many books that her hand was starting to cramp up. She tried her best to give her fans as much attention as possible. She felt it was an honor to have her work recognized by so many. Their support and input had helped her get through some very rough times and she always reminded herself to not take them for granted.

It was close to 7:00 and time had gone by so quickly she didn't realize it was almost time to finish and, most importantly, see Tori. With just a few more people in line, she was unaware of the blue eyes that were staring intently at her.

Getting something in her eye as the last person approached, without looking she held up her hand to give her a minute and bent down to get her eye drops out of her purse.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes my eyes get so dry at these signings with all the heat of the people and the air stirring around. Just give me a second." Brett tilted her head back and placed the drops in her eyes. So involved in her task she didn't notice the person who was standing in front of her.

"Ooh what a relief. I can't tell you how good that feels." She placed the drops back in her purse and got comfortable.

"Alright, thanks for your patience. Now how do you …Oh God." Brett looked up and all the color in her face washed away. Brett sat back into her chair stunned.

"Hello Brett. It's good to see you. You're looking well." Brett's ex-girlfriend, Jenna Carlisle stood in front of her. They hadn't seen each other in over four years and to say it wasn't long enough for Brett was an understatement. The last time they were together was when Brett lay in Jenna's arms beaten and unconscious.

Brett knew that Jenna had been released from the mental hospital two years ago. All reports of Jenna's illness stated that her therapy had gone well. She was released with orders to continue her therapy sessions outside of the hospital. The doctors had informed Brett that there was nothing to worry about. Jenna was well on her way to recovery and would be able to lead a normal life.

"What are you doing here?" Brett said nervously, looking around to see if anyone was in the immediate vicinity.

"I've been following your career and have read all of your books. I got a list of your signing dates off the Internet and wanted to see you when you got to where I lived." Jenna smiled. Brett didn't return the gesture.

"I didn't recall seeing Michigan on the list?" Brett figured Jenna had flown to New York purposely for this.

"No it wasn't. I don't live there anymore. I was offered a position in New York and live here now." Jenna waited to see what Brett's reaction was going to be.

"I see. Well, I wish you well. I really better be going." Brett stood up and hurriedly gathered her things. She was about to step out from behind the table when Jenna stopped her.

"Get your hands off me." Brett demanded. After her experience with Jenna, Brett enrolled in self-defense classes. She made a promise to herself to never feel vulnerable again.

Jenna released Brett's arm and quickly stepped back not wanting to make Brett feel threatened.

"Wait Brett. I'm sorry I came here. It's just I've had a lot of time to think about what I've done to you and I'll forever be grateful to you for everything you've done for me. My life would be so different from what it is today if it wasn't for you. I just wanted to come and thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. Excuse me." Brett just wanted to get away.

"Please Brett. I know you hate me. But I really need to say what I have to say to you. Please?" Jenna looked at Brett and had a desperate look on her face.

Brett motioned with her hand for Jenna to continue. Brett's face was emotionless. However, inside she just wanted to run.

"You're the only person that ever took the time to help me. The only person that ever showed me what unconditional love was." Jenna looked down at the floor and paused to get her thoughts in focus. "You see there isn't a day that passes, that I don't think about what I did to you. No matter what happens, I can never truly forgive myself for that." Jenna stood there as tears cascaded down her face. The past four years had been a struggle. The demons that had haunted her tortured her every waking moment and crept into her nightmares as well. After many years of therapy and self-introspection, she found the love that she was seeking inside herself. Brett had offered her love and she came to understand that if someone as wonderful as Brett could love her, she must have had something in her that was worth loving.

"Your love, Brett, showed me the way to my salvation and I will always be indebted to you. I know you can never forgive me. I just wanted to at least tell you how grateful I am. You were always such a special person, Brett. It kills me to think that I may have taken that light away from you through my actions. I never wanted that to happen. I take full responsibility for everything I've done. It took me a long time to realize that just because people have hurt me does not give me the right to cause another pain. Thank you… Thank you for everything." Jenna waited to see if Brett had anything to say. When she did not, Jenna picked up her book and was about to turn away when Brett stopped her.

"So you never told me how you wanted me to sign your book?" Brett gave Jenna a smile. It was not a big one but it was more than Jenna had expected.

"Well, 'Fuck off, bitch!' would probably be the most fitting." Jenna gave Brett a quirky smile and the two bridged another obstacle in their recovery.

"That's awfully tempting. But I think I can do a little better than that." Brett reached out her hand to receive the book and thought for a moment. Opening the front cover, she wrote what she thought would finally put this nightmare to rest.

******
Jenna,

It's hard to understand what fate has in store.
Especially when life's tragedies are cast upon us.
Often times it is those who offer us the greatest struggle
That end up being our greatest teachers.
Don't look upon the past with regret. Nor look to the future with anger or fear
See that which you have experienced and know you are better prepared for what lies ahead.

Many times, I have wished that I had never met you. Many hours I have spent wishing you harm.
However, after I allowed myself to feel the anger, I found I could let go of the pain.
Because of you, I have found the strength, the courage, and perseverance that lie within me and, more importantly, the
acceptance that only love of self can provide.

I now wish only good for those around me and though many may never understand my actions, only I know what I have gained.
Be Well. Be Happy. Be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others. And never lift a hand in anger to another soul again.

Brett

*****
Brett offered the book back to Jenna. Jenna opened the cover and read Brett's inscription. Tears immediately came to her eyes. Never in her life did she expect to read the words that were presented to her.

"I don't know what to say. Your capacity to forgive is astounding. I hope you have found happiness Brett. I truly do. I know I'm probably the last one you'd ever turn to but if you ever need anything, or you need a friend, know that I'll always be there for you." Jenna handed Brett a piece of paper with her work and home number, and address written on it.

"Thank you Jenna. Take care of yourself." Brett offered Jenna her hand and Jenna took it.

No matter what happened, Jenna would always love Brett. She had the most beautiful woman in her life at one time and knew with all certainty that she had done nothing to deserve her.

Bringing Brett's hand to her lips, she gentle kissed it. "Goodbye Brett. Maybe in time you and I might be friends again?"

"Goodbye, Jenna." Brett responded without answering her question. Although Brett was willing to put this situation behind her, she wasn't quite willing to have a relationship with Jenna anytime soon. She was only human after all.

Jenna looked at Brett in understanding and then turned to leave but her departure quickly halted. There in her path stood a very daunting Victoria Hull.