~ Never Say 'Bitch' to an Amazon Queen ~
by Moonlightdancer


Disclaimer: My first finished piece of Xena fiction is Uber. Go figure.
This story came about because I have yet to find a story in the Xenaverse that wasn't told from either a fully omniscent perspective, or exclusively from the point of view of Xena and/or Gabrielle. So I decided to try and write one (though the story actually turned out to be more third person objective than I would have liked, due mostly to the final scene and the interactions between Jay and Kyle).

This story contains love, lust, and passion expressed (in the form of a brief, but public, make out session) between two (very) consenting women. If this doesn't sit well with you, don't read it, blah, blah, blah.
This story also contains a good about of cussing. This is due primarily to my main narrator, Jay. Please excuse Jay. He's just a horny young boy a little too caught up in his macho image. The Metro is the subway system of Washington, D.C. Dupont Circle is a part of D.C that houses many gay-friendly establishments (restaurants, bookstores, clubs...) Cobalt's was a gay bar in Dupont (unfortunately, it recently burned down. Too bad. It was the only place young gay teens could go to dance without a fake ID).

Any feedback would be well appreciated. (I like criticism!!) Please email any comments to lilshe@geocities.com


Two boys sat outside on the steps of a small apartment complex, trading elaborate stories with each other. It was their Sunday ritual. The street in front of them was a typically busy intersection, and so when a Black Jeep Cherokee stopped, tires screeching, and made a very illegal U-turn into the grocery store parking lot, they didn't let it interrupt their bragging rights.

"You're not going to believe it, man, you're just not going to believe it!"

"Just tell me, JAY! Come on, man!"

"All right, all right. I was going down the big escalator at Dupont Circle -"

"Dupont? Why were you at Dupont, man, you gay or something?" Kyle elbowed Jay in the ribs.

"Shut-up Kyle, my mom works there, ok?"

"So you were visiting your Mommy? You a mama's bo-Ow! Hey, cut it out, man! You want me to beat your ass?"

"Look, do you want to hear this or not?"

"Ok, ok, sorry man, go on."

"Ok. So I'm on that huge Dupont escalator, almost at the bottom, when I hear this yelling behind me. So I turn around and see these two chicks arguing, way up at the top. I couldn't see them, but damn, one of them was so loud, you could hear everything. She was getting really pissy, yelling, 'I can't believe you did that! You have no respect for me! Fuck, Sybil, I'm not a kid!'"

"My ears can't take the yelling, so I book it through the gate, hustle down the stairs, and right then the train pulls up.

"So I get on the metro, laying low, when the two finest women I've ever seen run on through the door, right as that recording says, 'Doors Closing,' and it chimes twice. Then they sit down. One's this blonde, short hair, all spiked out, and the perkiest fucking tits! Man! The other one, she was older, but she had some fine looking baby blues, real icy and pale, with long black hair that's all shiny, like in those Pantene commercials, you know?"

"Right, where they flip their hair and it sparkles?"

"Yeah. That one! So anyway, these women, they sit down right next to each other, but the blonde's all busy looking out the window, while the tall one just starts sizing everything up. Then she looks at me and I just play it cool, you know, I can dig an older woman, so I move my arms a bit so she can see my triceps. I was wearing that tight black shirt I have, you know, the ribbed one?" "Yeah, I know, I know, the one that hugs your biceps." "Right, so I knew she could see my triceps real good if I just moved the right way, so I stretched a little to give her a nice look. Like this, see, see that popping out? Feel it man, feel it!"

"Jay, I don't need to feel your fucking triceps, man. I know you're cut. But really, man, you ain't shit. You think you're so fly with your Tae Kwon Do, but you ain't shit man, you just a white belt!"

"Shut the fuck up, man, shut the fuck up, I'll kick your ass, I'll kick your dumb, fucking -

"Hey, shut up. I want to know about this babe, man. You get her number? You get her sister's number?"

"Oh man, that's the fucked up thing. They weren't sisters, man. Cause I'm there, right, flexing, thinking I'll get lucky. Since it's late, around 11:00 PM, there's only one other dude in the house, who must have gotten on with us at Dupont, and he's practically falling asleep under his wooly black hat, so I know he'll be no problem. So when I see the baby blues looking at me real good, I flash her a smile, just a little one, right? But she just stares; a look as cold as her eyes, so I figure she's got a man, right?

"Anyway, she stops staring at me and looks at the blonde and says, 'Clio, please say something. Look, I'm sorry.' Around then, the spiky blonde, who I suddenly notice is real cute, with this sweet little stud in her nose, she starts moaning and groaning, getting all whiny and shit. That's when I realized it was the chicks from the escalator. So the blonde starts whining again, saying, 'you're sorry? You're not sorry!'

"Then baby blues sighs real long and says, 'You're right. I'm not.'

"So the blonde, Clio, narrows her eyes and says, 'Fuck off, Sybil. Just Fuck off'

"And then Sybil says, real quiet, 'Clio, please, I couldn't help it. I saw Sam touching you and . . .' Then she makes a fist and it just starts shaking, and her knuckles are all white and she's getting red and shit.

"Then she says, 'Clio, if I had gotten my way, Sam Miller would be in the hospital.'"

"Then Clio starts screaming. 'That's just it, though, Sybil!! You think I can't take care of myself! I was going to do something! I was pissed! I was furious! I was going to smack the shit out of that fuck. But you felt I needed rescuing, so you pull me out of the club like I was your little dog. I'm not a fucking damsel in distress, Sybil!! I'm an adult!'"

"Now, I'm really freaking cause I can't believe these two are having it out right there on the Metro. And that other guy, he's still under his hat but you can tell he's awake. I guess he was thinking out loud cause I heard him mumble 'Damn, bitch, don't go ape shit.' Then the two of them just stop, and look right at him. That kid was so scared he must have been about shitting in his pants.

"So Sybil gets up, and the woman is like 6 feet tall, and she's about to go over there when Clio says, 'Sybil, sit down.' Sybil looks at her and makes a move to walk over towards the guy, but Clio justs gives her a fierce glare and says, 'Sybil, SIT DOWN.' So Sybil sits down.

"Then Clio gets up, and the chick can't be more than 5'2," so the guy kinda smiles. Clio walks up to him, and says, 'What did you say?'

"So the guy takes a real good look at me, and then says, 'Don't go ape shit, bitch.'

"Sybil jumps up, but Clio has already reached out and grabs the dude by the neck, nabs his windpipe, and just start squeezing, and the dude's wheezing and choking and his eyes get all buggy, and Clio says, 'WHAT DID YOU SAY?' And the dude's like choking and can't talk so she pulls harder, and he can't barely breath or even talk cause he feels like his throat's going to rip out, but he finally gasps out, 'no-non-no-nothing!'"

"So Clio says 'don't you EVER call a woman a bitch again, you understand?'

And the guys turning blue but she keeps her grip, yelling, 'DO YOU UNDERSTAND?' and he gasps out, 'yes,' and she lets go. And the guy just falls to the floor, gasping and wheezing and shit.

Next time he looks up, Clio's strutting her way back over to Sybil, who looks as proud and happy as anything, man. Then she wraps her arms around Clio, grabs her ass, and kisses her, all in front of me and everything. I mean really making out. Clio's tangling her hands in Sybil's hair, and Sybil's squeezing her ass, and they're just moaning and everything, totally into it.

The train starts to slow but Sybil just takes her right hand and pushes real hard against the pole and they don't even shift when the train stops. And this dude, and me we're just gawking, but they don't even care, and no one gets on, so they just keep making out. Clio gets feisty then and slams Sybil up against the Metro map, and Clio just starts feeling her up over her shirt, and they just keep at it until their stop, Bethesda.

"So right as they get off, the dude Clio attacked has the nerve to say what we're both thinking. He said, 'Hey! Thanks for the show, ladies!' and looks at me grinning, but because of his hat, all I can see is that smile.

"So they stop and look at him, and Sybil says, 'Please, little boy. Clio and I know a queen when we see one. I hope you and your new friend over there have a nice time tonight.' And then they leave. I got off at White Flint, and that's the last I saw of the dude. He looked real scared ever since they left, and I wasn't going to bother him."

"Kyle, hey man, why've you been getting so pale on me? Do you think I've a fag or something, cause I'm not!"

"Jay, why were you at Dupont at 11:00 PM at night? Your momma gets off work at 5:00."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Jay, cut the crap. You're a liar and I know it."

Kyle pulled a black, woolen hat from the pocket of his cargo jacket.

"I was the guy sitting on the train with you. I know it was you who dissed Clio, and she whooped your sorry ass good, man."

"But-but-, I thought you . . . you said you were at Kelly's Friday night . . ."

"No., I was at Dupont." Kyle said, hesitantly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," Kyle shrugged. "I guess I wanted to hear you tell the story. I've kinda been wondering why you called Clio a 'bitch.' That's not like you at all, man."

"Well, I didn't mean it, it's just. . . I guess, I guess I thought. . . ., that was the thing to say, to impress. . . I mean,?"

"You were pretty fucking dumb, Jay, let's just leave it at that. And even dumber to say that to her face."

"Yeah," Jay said, with a laugh.

"So where were you before you got on the metro?" Jay asked, not meeting Kyle's gaze.

"Where were you?" Kyle asked.

Suddenly, both their eyes grew wide.

"That was YOU at Cobalt's!" they screamed in unison.


From the Metro bus stop right next to the boys, two unnoticed onlookers whispered and giggled. "Sybil, I swear, you must be an oracle. Your gaydar is never wrong!"

Sybil laughed, and pulled her lover close to her.

"That is so funny," Clio continued, in a whisper. "They must have been freaking in the pitch black of Cobalt's. I guess they're both so new to the gay scene that they were too nervous to introduce themselves!"

"Told you they were gay. So that makes me the winner."

"Of what?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Clio. I know what's behind those sweet little green eyes of yours. I told you I won the bet, and now you can't deny it anymore." "Yeah, yeah," Clio grumbled. "You know . . . ," Sybil said sweetly, "You really showed that punk, Clio. He only said 'bitch' twice in that whole conversation, and it was only when he was quoting himself from Friday."

"I did show him, didn't I?"

Sybil kissed Clio's neck and quickly nibbled her ear lobe. "Maybe he'll grow up to be a feminist now." They pair got up, and ran across the street to their Black Jeep Cherokee.

"Hey, he's a caddy gay boy who just figured out his crush swings that way too. He'll cut the macho act, but he could still turn out to be one of those gay boys who hate women," Clio insisted when they were back inside the Jeep.

"I don't think so," Sybil replied. "We're the reason those two found each other. I don't think they'll ever forget us, much less disrespect us. You may have created another SNAG, love."

"SNAG?"

"Sensitive New Age Guy!" Sybil yelled triumphantly, resting her arm on the wheel and grinning quite brightly at Clio.

"Oh please, Sybil, let's just go home. I'm glad they found each other, and I'm glad every other word out of his mouth isn't 'bitch' anymore, but really, I think we've done more than enough eavesdropping for one day. I never knew you were so nosy." "I'm not nosy, I just wanted my payoff." "What did I promise you again?" "'A nice, hot, fuck.'"

Clio looked over to Sybil, her brow creased. "But last night-" "That was SOOOO long ago," Sybil moaned. "You know, you're insatiable," Clio said as Sybil turned the ignition.

"And you love it."

"Real cute when you pout, too. Will you do that again for me?" "Don't push your luck." "Sybil?" "Eh?" "Let's go home," Clio said as she lightly ran her fingers absently along her collarbone, then trailing down to the edge of her tanktop, fingering the cleft between her breasts. "Now."

The Jeep sped quickly out of the lot.

The End.



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