Specific Story Disclaimer: -

Violence:

There is no violence here.

This story is based on the premise of two women very much in love with each other. There are no graphic scenes but the theme does run through it, if this bothers you you'll have to find another story to read. There are plenty of good ones left.

This story contains spoilers for Paradise Found and major spoilers for The Convert.

This takes place during the episode - The Convert.

Any comments send to:-
muzza@email.infotrade.co.uk

Gabrielle's Thoughts.

"Xena I've been thinking. I know there was no excuse for what Najara did" I started when she interrupted me.

"Sure there is. She's a nut" She said it so casually and I almost laughed.

"That was before she met Eli and he showed her the truth." I tried to make her see things my way. I knew it was going to be hard. "Now all she wants to do is heal people. Help them, you know. Give them hope."

"Are you saying we shouldn't take her back to prison?" Xena asked with a frown. She wasn't pleased.

"I just don't see the point if she is already reformed" I pointed out. I truly believed that she was reformed and I wondered why Xena couldn't see it. "Isn't it better to have peaceful people around who do good, rather then people who fight?" By the Gods I can't believe I said that, now that makes me sound like I don't want her around.

"Like me?" She asked, the hurt obvious in her eyes.

"No, I'm not saying that. Xena, you are trying to find your true way, your path. So is Najara" Why she was being so stubborn about this I had no idea.

"Najara doesn't have a path. She follows whatever path her voices tell her. If you don't believe me, test her" She continued.

"Xena..." I tried to interrupt her but she was on a roll and having none of it.

"Say no to her, she'll blow up in your face"

"Xena you've hardly spoken to her" I started at the same time she continued on.

"Say no. I don't have to." Xena was starting to get angry now. "I 'm sure she says all the right things, maybe she even believes them, but she's a fanatic Gabrielle. Don't trust her."

It was too late. I already did.

* * * * *

What is happening to us? Just when everything seems to be back on track, something like this happens. Why can't Xena see Najara the way I do? It makes me so mad sometimes. She is so stubborn and stuck in her ways. There used to be a time when I admired that about her. Now it just annoys me. Maybe it annoys me because she used to be open minded about people now she doesn't trust my opinion enough. She finds it hard to trust people, I know that, but it had gotten to the point in our relationship where she would at least be open minded to the people I trusted. What happened to that? Everything has changed now. Sometimes it makes me wonder how we are even friends anymore. We are both so different in personality than we were before and I am just praying that our paths do not separate.

When I remember how stubborn Xena was tonight, when I tried to talk about Najara, I know how different we have become. I used to value her opinion but now her opinion is so different from mine that I can no longer do that.

"Isn't it better to have peaceful people around who do good, rather then people who fight?"

I can't believe I said that to her. I could see the pain in her eyes at my words and it hurt me. It hurt to know that it had come to the point where we could do this to each other. Sometimes it makes me regret ever meeting Eli. Then I think about that and then I regret, regretting it. This all started before Eli. I mean look what happened with Aidan. I wanted to believe in something peaceful so badly that I nearly sold my soul for it. Thank the Gods, Xena discovered what he was doing in time to stop him. I found the scroll Xena was writing to me when I walked in. I had no idea she was going to leave me there with him. I don't know what I would have done if Aidan had turned out to be as good as his word and she had left me with him.

I love Xena so much and that's why it hurts so much to see us drifting apart like we are. I'm going to try and talk to her again tomorrow, even if she doesn't change her mind about Najara, I am going to make everything all right again.

I have too.

Xena's Thoughts.

"Xena I've been thinking. I know there was no excuse for what Najara did" She started as we sat down.

"Sure there is. She's a nut" I interrupted her. Now where was she going.

"That was before she met Eli and he showed her the truth." She continued trying to convince me that Najara had changed, but I wasn't buying it. Not for a minute. "Now all she wants to do is heal people. Help them, you know. Give them hope.

"Are you saying we shouldn't take her back to prison?" I frowned at this. How could she possible think that Najara had reformed enough to be let out on in the open? Beside with Najara's supposed 'new way' prison might be the best place to keep her alive. But I still wasn't pleased.

"I just don't see the point if she is already reformed" She pointed out. I could believe she actually believed that she was reformed. "Isn't it better to have peaceful people around who do good, rather then people who fight?"

Gods that hurt. She's saying she doesn't want me around. She'd rather be with Najara than me, and I'm her lover. "Like me?" I asked, the pain I was feeling must have been showing in my eyes because she was quick to react.

"No I'm not saying that. Xena, you are trying to find your true way, your path. So is Najara" Why Gabrielle was being so stubborn about this I didn't known. She expects to see the good in everyone. Like Hope. I'm glad her ability to see the good in people hasn't diminished but it can be annoying when she tells me to turn my back on my instincts. The instincts that have saved our lives so many time. The instincts that are at the moment telling me to return Najara to jail and get away from her before she does something to Gabrielle.

"Najara doesn't have a path. She follows whatever path her voices tell her. If you don't believe me, test her" I told her, it was the truth. I could feel it.

"Xena..." She tried to interrupt me but I was on a roll and having none of it.

"Say no to her, she'll blow up in your face"

"Xena you've hardly spoken to her" She stated at the same time I carried on.

"Say no. I don't have to." I was starting to get angry now. I didn't really enjoying arguing over food. I hated arguing with Gabrielle full stop but she wasn't going to let this go. I knew that. She was way to stubborn for that. "I'm sure she says all the right things, maybe she even believes them, but she's a fanatic Gabrielle. Don't trust her." Even as I said it I knew it was too late.

She already did.

* * * * *

Gods Gabrielle why can't you stop for a minute and take a proper look at her? She hadn't changed at all. She was trying to drive a wedge between me and Gabrielle and as sad I was to admit it, it was working. Gabrielle and I never used to argue like this, not something so childish. I honestly feel that Najara should be locked up and the key should be thrown away, but why do I feel this way? Is it because I am jealous? I see Gabrielle defending Najara the way she used to defend me, and it hurts. It hurts more than I thought possible.

Could I be jealous and worried that Gabrielle, my lover is going to leave me for that witch. I can't believe I nearly left the love of my life with her. What would have happened to me if I had left and found out about Najara afterwards? Gods, I would have died. What would have happened to Gabrielle if she found out about Najara after she was too far away from me and Najara wouldn't let her leave? It tears my heart out to think about that.

So many things have happened to us over the last year, sometimes some of the things seem so unreal that I pray they are just a nightmare, but when I close my eyes at night, I know they're not. My nightmares used to be about my past, before Gabrielle came along, now there are just as many with her in them. Knowing that I let someone like her follow an ex-warlord out of Poteidaia and that I led her to so much pain and heartache makes me wish sometimes that I hadn't returned from the dead. When I think about that I want to kick myself for thinking it. I wouldn't have changed anything that happened from then, until Hope came along. Everything was wonderful beofre that. We were completely in love and we were happy. Where has that gone now?

"Isn't it better to have peaceful people around who do good, rather then people who fight?"

I never thought I would hear words like that come from her. If it has gotten to the stage in our relationship where she would rather be around Najara than me, maybe it is time I left her. How can we be together when she doesn't feel safe with me? I remember times when she would literally place her life in my hands and I would protect it with mine. I would still protect her life with mine, if she let me. I sit her wondering about it all and I want to cry. I'm a warrior, warrior's aren't suppose to cry. Why does it hurt so much?

What is happening to us Gabrielle? Why don't you trust my instincts anymore? Why are we letting so many people come between us. First Tara, then Rafe, Aidan and Najara. How many people are going to come along and drive a wedge between us and when will our love for each other not be enough to drive the wedge out?

The End.

This was mainly just a character sort of exercise and something that has been begging me to be written since I first watch the Convert.