The usual disclaimers apply. The characters of Xena and Gabrielle belong to Universal and no copyright infringement is intended.

No nutbread was consumed during the writing of this piece, contrary to popular belief.

Suppose that the lovely folks at MCA were in a jam and decided to let Xena and Gabby plug their OWN show??..

Gabrielle: Alright, warrior, looks like you get to help me play bard for a minute.

Xena: You know I'm not much for chit-chat.

Gab: Give it a try. After all, you have many skills.

Xena: I knew that line would come back to haunt me (sigh.) Well, it goes something like this. Gabrielle, a young, aspiring bard from a tiny village called Potadeia?.. (trails off)

Gab: Is there something wrong?

Xena: I was just wondering what a Potadeia is .

Gab: It's a village, Xena. For Gaia's sake! We're doing a commercial here! Work with me! Focus! Focus!

Xena: Focus, schmocus. I still think it's a dumb name for a village.

Gab: (rolling her eyes) Xena?

Xena: Yes, well?(ahem.) (Looks at microphone) Hey, is this thing on?

Gab: Xena!

Xena: Can everyone in the back hear me? (grins.) I always wanted to do that.

Gab: Xena!!!

Xena: Sorry. As I was saying, Gabrielle was an aspiring young bard. By the way, Gab, I looked up the word "bard", and I quote Webster's New World Dictionary?

Gab: Dictionary? Xena, this is ancient Greece! Where in Tartarus did you get that thing?

Xena: I have many skills. You said so yourself. Anyway?it says here that a bard is " an ancient Celtic poet and singer of epic poems."

Gab: Ah! Very well put! It sounds rather romantic. (sighs)

Xena: Hold on, Juliet, I'm not quite finished. Ohhh?You're gonna love this one, Gabby. There's a second definition. (grins)

Gab: And that would be?

Xena: A bard is also (hee hee) a piece of armor on a horse! "For horses?to put a bard on a horse!" (Laughing heartily now) That's what they think! My bard hates getting on my horse!

Gab: Everybody's a comedian?.

Xena: Come on Gab, that was really funny.

Gab: I'm laughing hysterically on the inside. Really.

Xena: Okay, okay. The young bard was a little discontent in Potadeia. Being the adventurous type, she couldn't see herself settling down and being stuck in the village forever.

Gab: Right! Then one day, a great warrior came through our village and saved us from being sold into slavery. That's the version I put in my scroll. I guess it's just a fancy way of saying Xena kicked Draco's butt straight out of town!

Xena: Well, I wasn't so great back then. I had been a ruthless warlord who had seen the error of her ways and was determined to start over..and fight for good this time. I guess saving your village was my first step in the right direction.

Gab: Yeah, but you not only drove Draco's men from our village, you saved an aspiring bard from a life of drudgery! Hey, by the way, did I ever thank you for that?

Xena: Only about four hundred eighty seven times, but who's counting?

Gab: I followed Xena to Amphipolis and sort of?ummm..well..charmed her into letting me tag along. (huge grin)

Xena: (rolling eyes) Charmed, huh?

Gab: Okay, but you gotta admit I was pretty persistent back then.

Xena: No kidding.

Gab: The rest, as they say, is history. Hey! That's good! I should write that one down.

Xena: You write everything down.

Gab: Well.. what did you expect? My best friend is a legend. You may be atoning for a murderous past, Xena, but you've done a multitude of incredible things. Good things. Things that should be recorded. Most bards only get to tell great stories. I get to live the adventure. Your life, Xena, is definetly not a spectator sport.

Xena: For such a thorough historian, you always leave out one very important thing.

Gab: What did I forget to mention?

Xena: You. It's our adventure, Gabrielle. I couldn't do it without you.

Gabrielle: hmmm?a warrior and a bard, travelling the world together, a little atonement, a little action, an Amazon here, a warlord there..sounds like it would make a great wildly popular, universally appealing, completely amazingly successful syndicated television program.

Xena: What in the name of Aphrodite is a television program? Have you been in the nutbread again?

Gab: Umm..well..Actually, I'm not sure what it is. It just popped into my head and flowed straight out of my mouth. I was powerless to stop it. I wonder what that means?

Xena: I think it means you've been in the nutbread again.

Gab: Xena, I haven't, really?Not since Episode Number 21!!

Xena: Not since what??

Gab: Ummm?don't we have a village to save or something?

Xena: Gabrielle??.

Gab: I mean it, Xena, there has to be an innocent little town in dire straights right about now?

Xena: Speaking of dire straights?..

Comments and feedback welcomed and appreciated anytime at warriorsbard@hotmail.com