Disclaimer: Xena and Gabrielle belong to Renaissance\MCA Universal and all that. They are not mine and I make no profit from this. Sarah, Nicole, David, Grandma and everyone else are mine. Please do not use them or copy my stories without permission.

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Part 3

I rolled my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. I was all alone. Again. Is this how my mother had felt when she was in the hospital? All alone? It was horrible, and I had only been in here for a day. What a terrible way to spend the last few weeks of your life. Dad had stayed with her of course, but he wasn't able to be there all the time.

I brought my mind back to the situation at hand. After I found the blood in my underwear night before last I woke Dad and he took me to the emergency room. The doctor on duty examined me and said that my cervix or whatever wasn't dilated and that was good. They wanted to keep me in the hospital for a while to make absolutely sure everything was okay. Yesterday morning Dr. Ballard had made his rounds and came in to see me. He said that the baby should be fine, the bleeding was more than likely caused by hormonal changes and the pain from my body adjusting to pregnancy. However, I had to stay in the hospital for two more days to rule out a possible miscarriage. And here I am, all alone.

I didn't like being alone because my guilt kept creeping up on me. Reminding me of that wish I'd made. Whispering in my ear that this was my fault. The baby was going to die and it would be all my fault. I argued with myself that I had not meant it. I was just delirious with depression and worry. But I had still thought it. I felt sorry for the baby. It hadn't even had a chance to live yet and already nobody wanted it. I *did* want it but...I didn't need it. Does that make sense? It's like at Christmas time, when you get more presents than you need. You still want them, but you don't have a place to keep them. I was relieved that the baby was, as far as we knew, going to be okay. My room was on the maternity floor and I could hear the babies down the hall in the nursery crying. I smiled at the thought that one day my baby would be one of them.

Nicole came up to my room in the afternoon and brought some magazines. She seemed ill at ease.

"What's the matter?" I asked her.

"Nothing." she said quickly and smiled

"Something's wrong, I can tell. What is it?" I asked again.

"It's nothing!"

"Nicole, tell me! You're driving me crazy acting so cryptic!" I leaned over and bopped her playfully with a magazine. "Come on, what is it?"

She looked down. "It's just that people at school have been talking about you...."

"Saying what?" I asked.

"Just a bunch of crap," she replied. "It's nothing."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then I said "Oh well, can't stop them from talking, I guess."

"I guess not." Nicole agreed.

A few weeks after I was released from the hospital Dad got a call from Aunt Jo, saying that she and her family were coming down in three days for Thanksgiving.

"They've started letting her out of her cage on holidays?" I said. Aunt Jo isn't exactly average. She is my mother's younger sister and exact opposite, Dad tells me. She is what most people call unconventional. She is also very sweet, but I think Dad is happy that she lives two states away and we only see her a few times a year. I know I am.

I was glad to be out of school for the holidays because it had turned into a nightmare. If I wasn't going to graduate next spring I would have asked Dad if I could quit. Not that he would have let me.

The day before Aunt Jo and her family were going to arrive Nikki and I went shopping and I bought my first maternity outfit: a dress for Thanksgiving dinner. My clothes were beginning to bind around the stomach and chest. Nicole's mom had some patterns left over from her last pregnancy and she said she would make me some clothes. I stalled as much as I could not to go home. It was a mad house. Grandma was doing what she does best, making everyone miserable. She was in a frenzy getting our home ready for company. I sat my bags down on the kitchen table.

"Don't set those there! I just cleaned this kitchen up!" She lifted her ban on speaking to me long enough to say.

"Sorry." I muttered as I took them upstairs to my room. When I came back down I went in the living room. I sat in the easy chair across from where Dad was sitting, reading the newspaper. "Dad, do Aunt Jo and her family know about...." Respecting the unspoken taboo, I didn't finish the sentence.

"No, I didn't tell them anything," he said "They can be surprised when they get here."

I nodded.

"And surprised they will be." he sighed and returned to reading the paper.

The doorbell rang at noon on Thanksgiving day. I put the finishing touches on my hair, smoothed my new dress and ran downstairs as Dad opened the door to Aunt Jo, Uncle Fredrick, Ellen, and Jimmy. Aunt Jo wore a white dress with large turkeys appliqued around the skirt and had her medium brown hair pulled back. Uncle Fred is a tall, dark man, who always looks like he's fixing to yell at you. Ellen and Jimmy are their two children. Ellen is fifteen, with blonde hair and rather plump. Jimmy is eleven and looks just like his father. Aunt Jo greeted Dad and Grandma, kissing them on the cheek, then came over and hugged me.

"Each time we visit you look more like Caroline!" she exclaimed, calling my late mother by her first name. "What's this?" she asked, pulling back and patting my round stomach.

"I'm going to have a baby." I smiled, looking directly at her and trying not to see the looks on everyone else's faces.

"How wonderful! Did you hear that Fred? Sarah's going to have a baby!," she swatted Dad on the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me on the phone? What a lovely surprise!"

"Yes, I did hear that...I think." That was Uncle Fred's delayed response.

Please, please don't ask who or WHERE the father is.... I thought to myself. Aunt Jo hugged me tighter and swayed side to side. "Oh, our little Sarah will be SUCH a wonderful mother!"

"Why don't we go in the living room? Dinner won't be ready for another hour or so." Dad said. Aunt Jo grabbed my arm and led us into the living room. As we walked past them, I noticed Ellen and Jimmy giving each other a 'look', and Dad's face was red from embarrassment. Oh well, at least one person in the family was happy about the baby.

Aunt Jo came up to my room that evening, asking where the baby was going to sleep and that sort of thing.

"Is the baby's father still around?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'm afraid not."

"That's why everybody's so uptight isn't it?" she said.

"Yeah, because I'm not married."

"Don't worry, sweetie." Aunt Jo said "The entire family thinks I had Ellen at seven and a half months."

I looked at her. "You mean you were pregnant when you got married?"

She smiled slyly. "Don't let them make you feel bad. Everyone isn't as perfect as you think."

The next morning, as they were leaving, Aunt Jo hugged me and whispered "Call me if you ever want to talk." in my ear. For once, I was sorry to see her go. Maybe Aunt Jo wasn't as bad as I had thought.

Christmas was nice. Nicole high-hatted me for Roger to do her Christmas shopping with. I got mostly things for the baby as presents. Aunt Jo sent a beautiful little outfit she had made, Dad got me a playpen, and the Wattfords gave us Daniel's old stroller.

The months after Christmas were the most boring of my life. With the exceptions of school and getting my room ready for the baby, *nothing* happened. We got my old baby crib down from the attic and found it was in surprisingly good condition. It was maple and the bedding for it was white. The problem was finding space for it in my room. Finally Dad and I wound up moving my bookcase out and putting all of the books under the bed. It was April and I opened up a window to let the cool breeze in. While Dad was putting the crib together I folded the freshly laundered crib sheets. When everything was set up it looked really nice, just a little crowded.

I was as ready as I was ever going to be. It was April 19th and all of the baby clothes were washed and put away, the crib was up, I was going to breastfeed so I didn't have to worry about bottles very much. I went to see Dr. Ballard once a week now and he said everything was progressing fine. I still hadn't decided on a name, however. All the sudden, after months of being scared to death, I was calm. I didn't care what people at school were saying, or what David told his friends about me. Graduation was May 25 and I was due May the 2nd, so with any luck I would be able to be there.

To be continued....