~ The Lesser Evil ~
by P Wilson
The characters in this story are the property of MCA/Universal and Ren Pics. This story is not for profit and is not intended to infringe anyone's copyright. There is very, very light subtext, if this offends you, please do not read. I would like to thank Xena Torres of the PNW Online Xena fan club for her invaluable assisstance, patience and encouragement. Also, regarding the quotes I have include from various songs and poems; I borrowed them because they are outstanding and, I beleive, added something to the telling of the story. They are also not intended to infringe on anyone's copyright.
This is a sequel to A Simple Matter of Trust. YYou really should read the first story in order to be able to fully understand this one!
Enemies' promises are made to be broken
The Nurse and the Wolf
Aesop's fables
Timeframe: Shortly before Endgame
One way leads to diamonds,
One way leads to gold,
Another leads you only
To everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
Which of these is true;
The road that leads to nowhere,
The road that leads to you.
Will you find the answer
In all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
There inside of you?
-Enya-
Part 4
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Winter here's cold,
And bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
Haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long
Too far
From home
-sarah mclachlan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The ride to the abandoned Amazon camp where they still hoped to find Gabrielle was nothing less than torture. Xan, hunched over the saddle, had to be in agony as she led the way at a reckless, breakneck pace. Xena, trusting Argo, held the mare's reins loosely in ravaged hands. She was appreciative and a little awed at Xan's grim determination and endurance. Xena forced herself to think of nothing but the treacherous, muddy trail before them. They reached the camp before sundown and took an apprehensive look inside the huts. What they found of the half dozen wounded Amazons and the two who had stayed to tend them left them shaken and fearful.
"Gabrielle's not here," Xena felt both relieved and guilty at the same time.
"My hut," Xan explained, tears forging a rose hued path through her mud-spattered face. "I took her there before I left."
Xan held onto Xena when they finally reached the hut, stopping a few feet away. Xena turned her head and looked at her. Xan looked into Xena's eyes, which were oddly vacant, yet crowded with dread.
"You go," Xan whispered.
Something moved behind Xena's eyes, something grateful and terrible at the same time. "We'll both go," Xena replied.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground
Pulled down by the undertow
Never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness
I feel like
Letting go
-sarah mclachlan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena stepped through the open doorway and felt Death in the room. It stood in dark shadows, waited in assiduous anticipation. Death had many attributes and Xena was intimately aquatinted with them all. Drawing a deep breath, she could smell it, taste it, feel it all around her. This was not the more merciful presence of Celesta; this was something monstrous and cruel. "Go away," Xena hissed.
Xan heard her and hesitated outside the door; unsure as to whom she was speaking. Xena crossed the room alone and knelt beside Gabrielle who lay on her side, near the edge of the bed. One arm was pressed to her side. The other hung over the side of the bed, fingertips occasionally relinquishing something thick, dark and wet onto a crossbow on lying the floor.
"Gabrielle," Xena's mind formed the name and whispered it to her heart, which lay like a stone beneath her ribs. They had played out this same scene too many times before;
Put your hand on her shoulder and turn her.
But it wasn't always like this,
She's so pale So much blood Slash on her wrist
There were times of absolute peace and contentment.
Hold your breath Place your fingertips on her throat Find a pulse.
And there was that absolute certainty of how good, how right they were together.
It's there It's got to be there.
There was joy and laughter in their lives.
Please please...
This was just one short chapter of heartache and pain whose page required turning.
Push down the rage Hold back the tears.
Another cruel trick of the gods to force them apart?
It's not fair It's not right.
Or the hand of The Fates which would not be denied?
Xena looked up as Xandra emerged from the shadows. She rested a hand on Xena's shoulder while staring down at Gabrielle, anxiously awaiting the answer to her unspoken question. Xena placed her hand over Xan's as she answered, giving it a gentle squeeze before bowing her head once more.
Xan retreated numbly into the darkness.
Xena wept.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It's a strange world
It's a very strange world
That leaves me holding on to
Nothing when there's nothing
Left to loose
-sarah mclachlan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xan stifled a scream brought on by the simple act of swiping her sleeve across her face. She both welcomed and cursed the resulting hot spike of pain that nearly took the top of her head off. She cursed the knife-wielding bastard who had wrought so much pain in her life, and then cursed life in general. She was exhausted, having just spent a sizable amount of time retching her guts out. And she was even more exhausted from the dry heaves that followed. This not being her usual reaction to good news - she's alive - Xan supposed it was most likely the look in Xena's eyes, and what was left unsaid, that had caused this major upheaval. Gabrielle was dying. Zagnan, may God eternally damn his miserable black soul, had literally bled the life from her. There was nothing they could do for her. Nothing but stay with her, pray for a miracle and wait for the inevitable.
Suddenly, and unknowingly mimicking Gabrielle's frustrated reaction under similar circumstances, Xan picked up a fallen branch and brutally attacked a convenient tree. She gave it several maliciously spiteful whacks before putting her back against it and sliding slowly to a sitting position beneath it. Pulling her feet up, she crossed her arms over her knees and rested her head there. She longed for sleep, which would not come, and for peace, which may never come again. She wondered how she would learn to live with this pain in her heart and this hurt in her soul, and finally, she wondered if she even wanted to.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sunrise brought an end
To that midnight of despair
But in the light of day
Midnight came again -pw
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Xena."
A fluttery breath of air, soft as moth wings, in the suffocating silence of hopelessness. Xena sensed, more than heard, Gabrielle whisper her name. She lifted her head among the murmurings of a dying dream and looked into Gabrielle's eyes, eerily bright against her pale face. "Hey," Xena whispered back, conjuring up a tiny half smile, her voice so brittle it could be shattered by a thought. Gabrielle smiled at the familiar, understated greeting, which said nothing and conveyed everything; Xena's heart nearly broke at the sight of it.
"Hey...'self," Gabrielle managed. She studied Xena's face and felt an overwhelming need to touch her. She reached out, only to hesitate, confused by the trembling of her hand and the dull ache in her wrist. Xena's hand closed gently around her own. Gabrielle shut her eyes, exceedingly comforted by Xena's nearness and the touch of her lips against her palm. Gabrielle roamed through a gray dawn, seeking a balance between the cautiously obscure and the brightly terrifying. Her bandaged wrist; a mystery, the incessant pain in her side; a manageable presence, the abysmal aching of her heart...Gabrielle felt a touch of moisture on the back of her hand and opened her eyes.
"Crying..." Gabrielle's soft voice was sadly bewildered.
Xena raised her head. Gabrielle, as always, was awed by the shimmering blue of her eyes; achingly, hauntingly, beautiful. "Don't cry," Gabrielle pleaded gently.
"I won't," Xena promised. "You rest, now."
They stared at one another for a moment, both filled, suddenly, with a sense of foreboding, an uncomfortable premonition of something oddly familiar, but not yet recognized. Gabrielle shivered and Xena felt the same chill, one that emanated from the breath of The Fates and a rush toward a destiny they themselves seemed unable to control.
"Cold?" Xena turned away, reaching for another blanket
"Inside," Gabrielle acknowledged, closing her eyes.
Xena's hand halted halfway to the blanket. She returned her gaze to Gabrielle, knowing that another blanket would be of little use against this absence of warmth, this deadly, pervasive chill, which furtively consumed the body and set the soul adrift. "Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle opened her eyes, gaze now resting uneasily on the disheveled, bloodstained bandages on Xena's battered hands. "They'll heal," Xena assured her.
Gabrielle thought about it, dubious, but accepting after a moment. "Xan?" Gabrielle asked, looking up.
"She's here. She's a bit rough around the edges, but she'll be okay."
Light headed now and weary beyond measure, Gabrielle closed her eyes again. Xena held Gabrielle's hands, first one, and then the other, massaging them gently against the insidious cold that crept in whenever she stopped. The trembling, once again, had ceased, but Xena was unsure if this was a good thing. Gabrielle's eyes remained closed. Xena did not leave her side nor release her hand, fearing that if she did, she would somehow sever the tenuous thread that held Gabrielle to the land of the living. She remained, silent and watchful; a resolute deterrent between Gabrielle and what waited in the shadows.
A brash wind swept suddenly through the open doorway, bumbling into a table and rattling crockery, before pressing close to Xena and running icy fingers through her hair. Xena stood and turned to face it, defiantly holding her ground, as a foul and unseen presence pushed against her. She closed her eyes, engaged in fierce battle of wills, and felt it stealthily edging around her. She heard a strangled cry behind her.
"No!" Xena screamed silently and pushed with her mind.
Something shattered, either in the room or within her mind. Xena opened her eyes. A lingering tentacle of vapor caressed her face, then withdrew with a whispering hiss, leaving a cold so piercing that it glazed every surface with shimmering blue frost.
"I couldn't... save her." The misery in Gabrielle's voice drew Xena back. She turned, startled to find Gabrielle sitting up. Xena moved quickly to her side and gathered her into a gentle embrace. Gabrielle lowered her head onto Xena's shoulder and began to cry.
"Rhianna."
"It's all right, Gabrielle."
"Zagnan...he..."
"He's gone."
"I couldn't... stop him... didn't help her."
"Ssh, Gabrielle, it wasn't your fault."
Gabrielle leaned back and stared at her, at the quiescent, beautiful mystery of her, and sought an explanation for the unanswerable. Xena held her gaze with difficulty. Gabrielle's tears always undid her, and as she looked deeper...
...did you know that the eyes are the windows to the soul?
she saw more,
What do you see, Xena?
I see...
so much more. Rhianna's was far from the only spirit who wandered the vast, haunted depths of Gabrielle's soul.
"I'm sorry," Gabrielle wept softly. "I'm so sorry."
Xena drew her close. Gabrielle, inconsolable in her guilt, laid her head against Xena's shoulder.
"It's all right," Xena said gently. "It'll be all right."
But it wasn't, nor would it be. And Death, growing more eager now, stirred restlessly in the shadows.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Contempt loves the silence,
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
-natalie merchant
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena entered the hut and let her eyes adjust to the gloom within. Xan was sitting beside Gabrielle, head bowed, holding Gabrielle's hand in both of her own. Xena moved to stand beside them and Xan swiped her sleeve across her face before she looked up at her. One silvery eye gleamed oddly in the dim light, the dressing over the other was saturated with scarlet, as if she had been weeping tears of blood. Xena's heart fisted tightly in her chest.
"We have to do something," Xan insisted.
Xena blinked and looked past Xan to Gabrielle. Xan stood up.
"This is your fault. Your fault!" Xan accused, startling Xena with her sudden hostility.
"Xan, I..."
"You should have been there," Xan placed a hand on Xena's shoulder and pushed her back a step. "You should have done something!"
Xena reined in her temper and moved to step past her.
Xan grabbed her shoulder. "Stay away from her."
"Get your hand off me!"
Xan pushed her away with incredible force. Xena hit the wall so hard that it drove the wind from her and darkened the world around her.
"You're to blame, Xena," Xan hissed as the darkness took her. "You hurt her again, just like before. Damn you, you always hurt her!"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Once, in the care of morning
In the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning.
I was with you.
How far we are from morning.
How far we are...
-sarah mclachlan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Xena. Xena, dammit, you're hurting me!"
The irritated voice slipped through the darkness and into her consciousness. Xena felt Xan's hand in her own and used it to pull herself up.
"What..."
"You were having a nightmare or something. Damn," Xan shook her hand out and flexed her fingers, testing for breakage.
"Sorry."
Xena looked over at Gabrielle.
"She's worse," Xan informed her, following her look. "I tried to wake her a while ago to get her to take some water, some broth, something, anything."
Xena ran a hand through her hair, saying nothing.
"She's dy-"
Xena shot Xan a look that stopped her cold. Xena got up, wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, and sat down on the bed beside Gabrielle.
"We have to do something," Xan insisted.
Xena shivered, feeling slightly ill, as the sudden, sour taste of her dream resurfaced like spoiled wine.
"I've heard stories of a healer, Ursula, I think," Xan went on, "in the land of the Far North. We could..."
"Xan," Xena gently interrupted. "Her name is Ursa and even if we could find her, Gabrielle could never survive the trip."
"She's not going to survive this!" Xan said hotly, then glanced at Gabrielle and lowered her voice. "Look at her, Xena, she's..." Xan hesitated, unwilling, or unable, to say the word. "We can't just do nothing and let her slip away from us. We have to do something."
Xena looked down at Gabrielle for a moment, then closed her eyes. The image remained. Gabrielle; still and pale, falsely secure in the dark intimacy of deep, dreamless slumber, that sinister sister of Death. Opening her eyes, Xena lifted the blankets and placed her fingers lightly on the dressing covering Gabrielle's wound, they came away moist. Inexplicably, the wound was still seeping, slowly, inexorably, oozing both blood and life. "At dawn," Xena said, taking a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "You'll go ahead to make arrangements. I'll need a sled, supplies, and an exceptional team of dogs. It's a long way."
"Just tell me where to go, what you need," Xan got to her feet, "I'll leave now. I'll have everything ready when you get there."
Xena nodded, knowing there was no way she could convince Xan to wait until daybreak. Xan turned and leaned over Gabrielle, kissing her gently on the forehead and whispering something close to her ear.
"Xan."
Xan straightened, turned to look into Xena's eyes.
"I'll have to take her there alone," Xena held up a hand as Xan opened her mouth to protest. "I can travel faster by myself, plus, Ursu is very untrusting, there is a good chance she will never show herself if there is more than one of us, and if she doesn't, I'll never find her."
Xan huffed out a sigh. "All right."
Relieved that she would not have to argue this, Xena let out a long breath.
"Will you make it?" Xan asked the one question that, in itself, created a dozen more. So Xena said nothing. Xan searched her face, looking for an answer, finding nothing more than a weary sadness mixed with a small measure of hope. Xan took a half step forward and wrapped her arms around Xena. "Please make it," Xan implored, releasing her, and then she was gone.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings,
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far distant shore.
Winter has come too late
Too close beside me.
How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?
-natalie merchant
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The wind howled gleefully as it battered and tore at her with icy, brutal fingers. It seemed to come from every direction at once, thwarting her every effort to avoid its merciless onslaught. Her eyes watered furiously, freezing solid on her eyelashes and face. Her rapid-fire breathing frosted the air in front of her as she struggled with the storm, the dogs, and the sled as well. Her chest ached, each labored breath of frigid air she sucked in slashed at her lungs like a blade.
Xena squeezed her eyes shut against the punishing force of the wind and at that moment the sled hit an ice ridge and pitched sideways in her grasp. Struggling to keep it upright, she yelled at the dogs, trying to halt their frenzied pace.
"Yanook!" she shouted, but her words were thrown back at her by the howling wind.
The lead dog sensed something, however, and came to an abrupt halt. The rest of the dogs piled up behind her, which would have been humorous had the situation not been so desperate. The sled over-turned, burying itself in a huge drift of snow. The wooden handle caught Xena on the jaw, knocking her backward onto the snow and ice.
"Dammit!" she cursed, sitting up, rubbing at her jaw and spitting blood; she had bitten her tongue.
The lead dog made her way around to the sled and began digging furiously in the snow.
"Gabrielle..." Xena whispered. Standing up, gathering her senses, she shook her head. A tiny, scarlet spray of blood from her mouth stained the immaculate white snow in front of her. She stared at it, mesmerized...
Falling snow Hammer striking
Gabrielle Fire Alti
"That's my gift to you! That's your future! She's responsible for your death!"
She jumped, Yanook's excited barking jolting her back to the present. Grabbing onto the sled, she managed to haul it backward out of the drift and turn it upright once more.
The dog went immediately to the covered cargo strapped tightly to the sled and began nuzzling the blankets and furs.
"Good girl, Yanook, good dog," Xena said, close to the dog's ear, pushing her back a little so she could undo one of the straps. The bulky gloves she wore hindered her progress so she yanked one off with her teeth. Her fingers grew numb immediately. Damn, it's cold! she thought to herself. It was, in fact, more than merely cold. It was a mind-numbing, breath-taking, insidious, steal-your-soul-while-you sleep, never-ending nightmare. She cursed the wind soundly and it shrieked delightedly back at her. After blowing warm air on her fingers several times, she finally managed to get the strap undone and the blankets pulled aside.
"Gabrielle," she whispered again.
The wind died abruptly and Xena looked up, as did a dozen sled dogs. The silence, after days of constant, screaming wind, was deafening. A few of the dogs whined uneasily, Yanook growled deep in her throat. Xena stood, pushing back the hood on her coat, and scanned the horizon. Turning in a slow, deliberate circle, she saw nothing, but she sensed something. A penetrating chill invaded her that had nothing at all to do with the weather. After a few moments, the feeling faded and the dogs lay their heads back down, noses buried in their tails for warmth. Xena took a last look around and bent back down to the sled. Yanook continued to stare off into the distance as the sun began to settle toward the horizon, scattering clouds and shadows in its wake.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Walking from the shadows
A fear of sadness grows
Your heart is in your hands
Your knowing looks
Our time is gone
My time is gone
Dying song
-natalie merchant
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena pushed the hood of Gabrielle's coat aside. Gabrielle's face was ashen, her lips tinged with blue. Xena pulled her other glove off, then Gabrielle's, and began rubbing Gabrielle's icy hands briskly between her own. She looked around for Yanook and found her still staring off into the distance, ears and hackles standing straight up.
"Yanook. Here!" Xena called.
The dog returned immediately to her side. Xena patted the blankets and Yanook jumped onto the sled, turned three times in a tight little circle and lay down, covering Gabrielle's legs and feet with her body. Xena undid Gabrielle's coat and cursed softly at the sight of a fresh stain of bright red blood, made worse, no doubt, by the fall. How can the damn thing bleed so much, how much blood could one person lose and still be breathing? She pressed another blanket tightly and none too gently against it, then pulled Gabrielle's coat shut and covered her with blankets. Xena shook her head, shaken by her frustrated anger. Damn, she was exhausted, not thinking straight at all; now she was angry with Gabrielle for not bleeding to death. She closed her eyes, clenching her teeth together to thwart a threatening surge of hysterical laughter. The dog gazed curiously at her.
"Xe..na..."
Had the wind not stopped its incessant howling, she would never have heard Gabrielle's voice. Xena lifted her head and laid a hand against Gabrielle's face.
"You...hurt..." Gabrielle murmured, lifting a hand toward Xena's bloodstained lips.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Xena apologized distractedly, looking away as Yanook lifted her nose toward the outline of a struggling moon and released a spine tingling howl. Gabrielle winced at both the howl and Xena's misunderstanding. Xena followed the dog's gaze to the faint slice of moon, which was blood red at the tip, as if it had cut itself on its own sharp edge. The wind stirred, wailed a desolate reply, and set off a chorus of howling from the other dogs. Emboldened, regaining strength and attitude, the wind sent snow hissing across the icy landscape, leaving serpentine paths across a frozen, blue-white wasteland. Xena threw an apprehensive look around them as she stood "We have to get moving before we lose the light."
"Wait...I..."
Xena looked down at her. "You're going to be all right, Gabrielle, Ursu will help you."
Gabrielle shook her head again. "No...no she...can't.."
Xena bent over her once more. "Yes, she can, Gabrielle, I told you about her, remember?"
"No..." Gabrielle tried again.
"Trust me, Gabrielle, please."
Gabrielle released a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes. Xena stared at her for a moment before standing up and turning her attention to the dogs. Gabrielle's eyes opened as what was left of the sun ducked behind a veil of cloud before relinquishing the day to the rising moon.
"Xena."
Yanook looked curiously over Xena's shoulder at Gabrielle while Xena adjusted the husky's harness.
"Only you, Xena, Ursu mustn't... touch me...."
The words and the warning were there, finally, crystal clear and concise. But, the spiteful wind chose that moment to bear down upon them and it spirited them away to be forever lost in the frozen, brutal nothingness surrounding them. Even here, it seemed, the gods conspired against them. Xena pushed on, following countless paths of night as they wound away from twilight. And when the moon had come and gone and twilight came again, Ursa found them; a tiny grain of color in an immense field of white.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So afraid to love you,
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past
That didn't let me choose.
Once there was a darkness,
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had,
Oh you gave me light
-sarah mclachlan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena closed the door behind her, shutting out the softly falling snow and the haunting blue cold. Gabrielle lay silent and unmoving as Ursu laid her hands upon the ragged tear in her side. Xena sat down, closed her eyes, cleared her mind, and waited. Time passed as time does; unstoppable, uncaring and unwilling to vary its immutable flow. When the darkness in front of her grew a shade deeper, Xena opened her eyes and found herself staring at Ursu's folded hands. They opened slowly, apologetically, before her. The blood looked obscene and grossly inappropriate on the delicate fingers. Xena watched, spellbound, as a single crimson drop detached itself and fell languidly to the floor where it burst and scattered, shimmering like tiny rubies in the candlelight.
"I'm sorry."
"No..." Xena whispered, looking past her toward the bed.
"I couldn't help her," Ursu's words resounded painfully within the sudden hollowness in Xena's soul.
Xena got to her feet and took a stumbling step toward the shrouded form on the bed, her mind denying what her heart already knew to be true. She turned away abruptly and moved toward the door, if she didn't look, it wouldn't be real. It couldn't be real. The heavy door blew inward as she neared it. Xena raised a hand in front of her face, half blinded by the glare and close proximity of the burning sun.
"Only you, Xena," Hecate's mocking voice held a note of reproach as she stood before her; a dark specter against a vast sea of white. Hecate's eyes burned beneath the black cowl as she slid, wraith-like, past Xena, her black robes steaming from the unaccustomed encounter with Helios. Hecate moved directly to Gabrielle's side, voluminous sleeves billowing as she extended bone white hands. "Come, child," Her voice was chillingly beautiful, its beguiling innocence obscuring the mournful admonition of a thousand lost souls.
"No!" Xena took two steps forward before she was halted by nothing more than the slow, deliberate turn of Hecate's head.
"No? Have you forgotten that her soul belongs to me, Xena? Brutus still lives, does he not? You both bargained her soul, tempting the Fates, always just one short breath from the inevitable, and you lost."
"This was your plan from the start," Xena hissed angrily, moving a step closer. "You played us. You've been playing us all along."
The Goddess of Night was seldom concerned with the paltry wrath of humankind; but here, by all the gods, here lurked a monster. It rose from the depths of Xena's darkness and stared with staggering evil from piercing blue eyes. Hecate felt a delicious thrill of fear rush through her and she smiled a welcome to its source. The beast slept, kept at bay by the light, but extinguish the light ...
"...And the beast arises," Hecate proclaimed softly.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Time gave both darkness and dreams to you.
-dean koontz
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena struggled to rise through a suffocating darkness. She was awake, but she wasn't, and she couldn't quite get there. Her scream of frustration emerged as a pathetic whimper. A blast of icy wetness finally jolted her, none too gently, back into reality. Xan took a hasty step back, prudently dropping the now empty ladle behind her. Xena, sputtering and cursing, sat straight up, impaling her with penetrating blue eyes.
"Geeze, Xena," Xan backed off another step.
Xena shook her head; flinging water and shaking cobwebs from her brain. "Gabrielle."
Xan's heart took a nasty fall as she shot a terrified look over her shoulder to where Gabrielle lay. Xena brushed past her and knelt beside the bed. Xan willed herself to move, but her brain couldn't seem to connect with her feet.
"I...the horse... ready to go..." Xan mumbled, her brain having no better luck with her mouth than with her feet.
"No," Xena said.
Xan's heart, which had begun a tentative rise, plummeted anew beneath the word. "Is she- "
"She must be given back what she has lost..." Xena looked up at Xan.
"What?"
Xena's cryptic message was lost on Xan, and Xan's reply, so thoroughly reminiscent of Gabrielle, caused Xena to lose her train of thought for a moment. She blinked owlishly at Xan, swallowed painfully past a tightening in her throat and wearily rubbed at her eyes before looking up at Xan once more. "What is the one thing Gabrielle has lost," Xena asked her, "that could save her now."
Xan thought about it, staring hard at Gabrielle. She studied her face, wincing slightly at the harshness of the dusky bruising against its paleness. She observed the sporadic and ever diminishing rise and fall of her chest beneath the blanket. Her attention was drawn from the blood stained bandage covering her wrist, to the soft glow of her hair, burnished gold in the candlelight. And back again.
"Blood," Xan whispered, looking into Xena's eyes.
"Yes," Xena agreed with subdued passion.
"Yes what?" Xan asked, lost again.
"That's what will save her."
Xan touched the bandage over her eye and felt the beginnings of a colossal headache, or rather, the reawakening of the horrific agony fitfully drowsing beneath her fingertips. She willed it aside for the moment and refocused on Xena. "And where in the...how will she- "
"We'll give her mine."
"Give her your what?"
"My blood. Well, not all of it, but..." Xena broke off, lost in thought.
Xan stared at her as if she had suddenly sprouted horns. "Are you crazy? How in Tartarus do you propose to do that!?"
Xena stared at the floor.
"Xena?" Xan took a step toward her, flinching when Xena lifted her head and grasped her arm.
"Are there still livestock in camp?"
"Huh?"
"Livestock," Xena repeated, shaking Xan's arm for emphasis. "You know, a pig, a goat a..."
"I bloody well know what livestock is... are...what-the-Hades-ever!" Xan retorted testily, yanking her arm from Xena's grip.
"I need you to get me a bladder, Xan, and a jug with a cork. And sterilize them, boiling water."
"A bladder."
"Pig, goat, not a cow...too big."
"Ehuu."
"And I need some hollow tubes, like a reed, only stronger, smaller..." Xena ran a hand through her hair and paced for a moment before coming to an abrupt halt before Xan who was, remarkably, beginning to put it all together. "Help me here, Xan, a small tube..."
Xan looked around the room, gaze finally resting on Gabrielle's scrolls. "A quill."
"Yes! Perfect!" Xena presented her a manic grin and eyes that would have sent a lesser woman fleeing.
"Xena..."
"Go, Xandra, and hurry, there's not much time."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I can save you
If you want to
I can take you
Away from here
So lonely inside
So busy outside
All you wanted
Was someone to care
-michelle branch
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xan stared uneasily at the arrangement of normally mundane objects that had somehow taken on sufficiently sinister qualities to scare her spitless. She winced as blood welled from the vertical incision that Xena had sliced just above her wrist.
"Can you do this, Xan?" Xena asked her, settling herself on a pile of bedding beside Gabrielle.
"Uh-huh," Xan answered. Xena had, after all, already completed the worst part; cutting herself and re-opening the wound in Gabrielle's wrist.
Xena reached up and gave Xan's arm a gentle squeeze and an amazingly reassuring smile.
"How do you know this is going to work?" Xan wondered, in spite of the smile.
Xena raised an eyebrow. "I saw it in a vision."
"God help us," Xan said after a moment, realizing she was serious.
A corner of Xena's mouth lifted. Some day, perhaps, she would ask Xan about this righteous and powerful One God. But not today.
"Maybe I should give some, too," Xan offered. "Blood, I mean."
"No, it has to be mine."
"Well, how will I know when to stop, Xena? How much is enough?"
"Just give it your best guess," Xena replied, as she probed with the sharpened quill for what she hoped was a suitable vein.
Xan winced, at both the reply and the probing, then swore softly and rubbed at her bandaged eye.
"Don't do that, you'll just make it worse," Xena admonished. "Squeeze that," she added, inclining her head toward the bladder in Xan's hand. Xan snorted. Xena allowed herself a brief, if grim, smile at both the "Yeah, right" snort and success at her own task as blood darkened and rose through the hollow spine. "Here we go."
Xena looked up and Xan's breath caught, as it often did, at the stunning blue of her eyes, the incredible strength and character of her face. God, she's beautiful, Xan thought to herself, perhaps for the thousandth time. Oddly, though, as the thought quickly came and went, and as out of place as it seemed right now, Xan was aware that it was distinctly different this time. It was as if she were seeing Xena, truly seeing her, for the very first time.
"Xandra," Xena said softly.
Xan's wandering mind was re-corralled in the land of the now and the gate snapped shut with a preciseness that made her jump. "Here we go," Xan echoed, wiping her sleeve across her face.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
How, then, do we set her free
Or come to terms with this fierce power
-laurie king
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena was drifting, floating on a river of light. There was darkness below, and it beckoned with imperfect promises of redemption and the paradox of peaceful oblivion. She was, at first, comfortably adrift and content within this warm, golden-hued stream of light. Almost imperceptibly the air grew colder, chilling the light to the pale blueness of winter twilight. There followed a faint rushing sound, which steadily increased in volume. She was suddenly, frighteningly, out of control and swept from the light into an angry river of red. The enticing darkness offered sanctuary; a shadowy harbor in a scarlet sea. A cold, sinewy tentacle of deceit rose from murky emptiness, snaked itself around her wrist and then dissolved into illusion. It was a feathery caress, a lover's touch, filled with such promise and desire that she offered no resistance as it slowly sucked the life from her. Xena closed her eyes and felt herself falling. It was an effortless fall to emptiness and she felt no fear. A sharp, painful, and truly irritating tug at her wrist opened her eyes. She was now well beyond wonder, mostly past caring, and seeing Gabrielle surprised her very little. Something about Gabrielle's smile, however, was a bit off. And something about the sharpness of Gabrielle's teeth as she bit into her wrist again began to sound little warning bells of alarm in Xena's mind.
Ow, Xena thought. Gabrielle paid no heed. Enough! Xena thought, attempting now, to reclaim her wrist.
Gabrielle raised her eyes, oddly colored in the ambiguous light, but did not relinquish her hold on Xena's wrist. Xena stared at her a moment, giving brief contemplation to simply just closing her eyes once more, before she angrily yanked her arm from Gabrielle's grasp.
Dammit Gabrielle, I said...
>>>>>>>>>>>>
When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again…
-creed
>>>>>>>>>>>>
"...that's enough!"
"Zeus in a manure moat!!!" Xan yelped. The harsh sound of Xena's voice scared Xan so badly she nearly dropped every single piece of the crudely improvised medical paraphernalia she was holding. Recovering, she looked over at Xena, who was now paler than the proverbial ghost. Carefully setting everything down, Xan hastily removed the quill from Xena's arm. Swearing again, she stuck her thumb over the bloody hole it left and held her breath while feeling for a pulse at Xena's throat. It was there; weak, but steady. She released the breath in a relieved huff and examined her further. The puncture in Xena's arm still oozed blood and Xan looked around for more bandage. There was none to be found. Muttering a string of curses, she tore up another one of her diminishing number of shirts. Xena's skin was cold and clammy, her lips slightly tinged with blue. Xan quickly covered her with two more blankets and built up the fire. She then leaned over, lifted an eyelid and was startled by an ebony pool of emptiness surrounded by a tiny ring of piercing blue. Xan took a hasty step back, absently wiping her hand on her pants. Not knowing exactly what that meant, but knowing that it was totally unnerving, she turned her attention to Gabrielle. Gabrielle's pulse was a bit erratic, but definitely stronger. Her face was flushed…small wonder… her skin hot and damp to the touch. Xan placed a cool, wet cloth on her forehead and Gabrielle opened her eyes. Xan nearly wept with relief and pure joy.
"Gabrielle?" Gabrielle stared uncomprehendingly at the one-eyed, heavily bandaged apparition in front of her, then turned her head to the side and threw up.
"Ah, crimminycrapsake," Xan muttered, gingerly picking up the cloth from the floor. Xan held her as Gabrielle continued to throw up and dry heave a noxious mix of bile, blood and nothing at all until Xan was thoroughly convinced she would start yakking up vital organs and die in her arms. Then, wonder of wonders, it stopped. Gabrielle leaned back, exhausted and shaking, and asked for water. Xan dribbled a little on her parched lips. Gabrielle swallowed, coughed, gagged and clamped her teeth together as Xan grabbed the cloth and waited for the inevitable. Thankfully, it didn't happen. Gabrielle gave Xan another long, curious look, closed her eyes and fell asleep. Thoroughly relieved, Xan gently covered her with a blanket. She then picked up a jug from the floor, popped the cork, took a long, hard pull and braced herself as the contents seared her insides like fire. Her stomach made a half-hearted attempt at protest, then blissfully surrendered itself to the comforting warmth of liquid white lightning. Xan checked on Xena, who had regained some color and seemed, as far as she could tell, to be holding her own. Xan tossed some blankets and pelts on the floor between them, gave them both another look and sank wearily down. She fell instantly, deeply, gratefully asleep.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xena opened her eyes and watched impassively as dust motes pranced merrily through a bright tunnel of sunlight streaming in from the roof above. She thought it extremely odd that there would be a window in the roof, but there clearly was. She idly considered this until a dark form inserted itself between her and the roof.
"Xena?"
It took a few moments before she remembered who Xena was...
Xena is me
And where she was
Xan's hut
And what had happened
Way too much
...and that the waving hand in front of her eyes was becoming increasingly annoying. "Stop that, Xan," Xena winced at the dryness of her mouth and a voice that cracked and crumbled like ancient parchment. Xan gave her a dazzling smile that actually hurt her eyes. She disappeared for a moment, then returned with a cup of cool water that tasted like nectar from the gods. Xena drank deeply, coughed a little and Xan backed away, cup in hand, before Xena was even near to being through with it. Xena tried to sit up, found it not worth the effort and raised a hand toward the cup instead.
"You're not gonna york on me, are ya?"
Xena gave her a look, absently mulling over the marvel of Xan's innovative vocabulary as Xan handed over the cup, still keeping her distance.
"Gabrielle?" Xena managed, after she moistened her throat enough to speak.
"She's okay, I think," Xan answered. "She's flushed and warm, like she has a fever and she was God-awful sick for a while, but she seems better now. You, on the other hand... you two look like the before and after of a vampire feeding frenzy.
Xena lifted an eyebrow. "Vampire?" Grimacing at a voice still creaky and hoarse as an ancient crone, she took another small sip from the cup.
"Vampire; walking dead. Soulless, bloodsucking demon, travels the night looking for human blood to sustain it?"
The eyebrow lifted higher.
"I read. A lot. All kinds of stuff," Xan explained.
"Mmm," Xena replied, experiencing a quick here-and-gone image of a recent dream.
"Vampires are close cousins of Bacchae," Xan continued. "You familiar with Bacchae?"
"Intimately," Xena nodded, giving Xan a tiny, cryptic grin and pushed the blankets aside.
"Uhm...I don't think you should get up quite yet."
Xena sat up and the room shifted sideways and circled slowly around her. She sat back, much as she wanted to be at Gabrielle's side, just to be near, to touch her for a moment, she had to agree with Xan. She settled instead for just watching her, until her eyes grew heavy and the room grew still and dark.
"She's going to be all right," Xan assured her gently, taking the cup from Xena's hand and replacing the blankets. "We all are."
It was a promise, a hope, and a prayer. The fickle Fates, however, had altogether different plans for them.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I'll change highways in a while,
at the crossroads, one more mile
my path is lit by my own fire
I'm going only where I desire
-dean koontz
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gabrielle felt a presence near her even before she awoke. As days of pain subsided into less painful healing, and nights of terror grew less terrifying, she found herself growing more attuned to her surroundings than ever before. A slight tremor of fear ran through her before she remembered that the soldiers were gone; chasing increasingly cold trails as the Amazons scattered to the four winds until they could safely regroup. And Zagnan was dead, for good this time, she hoped. And beyond that, well, beyond that she hadn't much thought about. Until today. She opened her eyes and found Xena sitting quietly beside her. Eyes closed, motionless, she looked as though she was dozing, but her eyes slid slowly open, observing her thoughtfully. Gabrielle studied her as well. Xena still looked pale and there was still a bandage wrapped rather haphazardly around one hand, but, as always, her recovery had been amazingly swift.
"Hey," Gabrielle offered up their standard greeting and a yawn.
It was such a small, inconsequential thing, and yet it stirred feelings so deep, so eloquently unique to them alone, that Xena had to reach out to convince herself she was not dreaming. She fingered Gabrielle's hair briefly, inordinately comforted by its silky touch. "Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?"
Gabrielle sat up slowly and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Pretty good, actually," Gabrielle smiled a little, receiving an answering half smile from Xena. Gabrielle placed her feet on the floor and stood up, closing her eyes against a persistent twinge of pain in her side and lightness in her head. Xena offered a steadying hand and Gabrielle made use of it, presenting Xena a smile of gratitude, before crossing the few steps to the doorway. The sun was shimmering sphere hung in a sky of immaculate blue. A soft, southerly breeze ruffled her hair. Gabrielle closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfying breath. The air held the sharp, clean smell of sun and earth and the promise of life to come. Xena moved close behind her, adding the familiar smell of leather, horse and steel with an underlying trace of something indefinable that was Xena's alone.
"Are you sure you're up to this?" Xena asked.
"Yeah, I think I am. You said you had something to show me when I regained my strength, I think I have, pretty much."
Something in Xena's rueful smile caused a slight heaviness in Gabrielle's heart. She gazed into Xena's eyes, but Xena did not seem to be in there. "Are you sure that you are ready for this?" Gabrielle asked quietly.
Xena's focus returned to Gabrielle, the smile slid away. Xena said nothing, but gave a small nod of her head and walked out the door. Gabrielle followed, a small frown on her lips. With the help of a well-placed boost from Xena, Gabrielle sucked in a tiny hiss of air between clenched teeth as she mounted Argo. Xena pulled herself up behind her.
"Okay?"
"Mmm-hmm."
Xena had her doubts about Gabrielle's fitness for riding, but urged Argo ahead with a small squeeze of her knees. Argo, perceptive, as always, of Xena's wishes and of Gabrielle's limitations at the moment, proceeded at a slow pace, providing a remarkably smooth and sure-footed ride.
"I swear you can float," Gabrielle told the mare, leaning forward to give the horse an affectionate pat on the neck.
"Oh, she can," Xena assured her. "Argo has many skills."
Gabrielle laughed softly, prompting an answering grin from Xena. They said little on the journey; both preoccupied with their own thoughts. Xena kept a protective arm wrapped gently around Gabrielle's waist. Gabrielle was moved and comforted by this small act of thoughtfulness. Lately, she had become acutely aware of the little things she once took for granted, and how much they meant to her. They rode in easy silence for a time, enjoying the miracle of simply being, as well as the simple joy of being together.
"Xena?" Gabrielle ventured softly into the stillness.
"Yeees?"
Gabrielle smiled to herself at Xena's long-suffering, if a bit over- dramatic, tone. Gabrielle thirsted for information; Xena was a well of knowledge. Xandra had enlightened her, in considerable and graphic detail, about the transfer of blood, but there were certain questions that Xan could not answer.
"How did you know about the blood thing, how did you know it would work?'
"Someone told me."
Gabrielle waited for more; silence ensued. "A little bird?" Gabrielle prompted.
"More like a big, black crow," Xena replied.
Gabrielle turned her head and found herself looking directly into brilliant blue eyes. Her heart, in turn, performed some sort of odd gyration; a perfect example of cause and effect.
"Hecate," Xena explained.
"Hecate!" Gabrielle twisted around, stifling an oath as she aggravated an annoyingly petulant and still-healing wound, and faced forward again.
"You okay?"
"Mmm," Gabrielle replied noncommittally. "Hecate," Gabrielle repeated wonderingly, a few moments later. "And you believed her?"
"Well, believed may be pushing it. Let's just say that options were pretty scarce by then, and that Hecate appeared to be the lesser evil at the time."
"Well, that's comforting."
Xena smiled.
"Why did she help me?"
Xena thought about it. "She said that she owed you. Hecate hates to be indebted." Xena had already explained, as best she could, what Hecate had told her about the dog, the child, and the balance of power both good and evil.
"Do you think all of what she told you is true?" Gabrielle asked.
"Some of it, yes. You know, maybe..." Xena stopped.
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe she just has a thing for you."
Gabrielle uttered a derisively emphatic snort. Xena chuckled. Her smile felt oddly foreign, but it felt good to laugh again, very good. Gabrielle looked around her, just then realizing where they were heading, and a whole new series of questions arose. She opened her mouth to ask, but then thought better of it. Absently placing her hand over Xena's, Gabrielle gently ran her thumb across the rough bandage as she silently considered the significance of the destination.
As quiet descended once more, Xena's thoughts returned to Hecate. Hecate was an enigmatic presence in their lives, dangerously manipulative, beguilingly charismatic, unmistakably evil. Yet, she had, indeed, saved them. But, why? One thing Xena was sure of was that Hecate had her own personal agenda and that Brutus and Caesar were obviously to be a part of it. And what of herself and Gabrielle? What price would they pay for Hecate's attentions? Xena had no answer, but her soul shivered in response.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Each heart is a pilgrim,
Each one wants to know
The reason why the winds die
And where their stories go.
-enya
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They reached the familiar outcropping of rock in good time. It felt subtly alien and it seemed such a long time since they had been here; a lifetime ago. Gabrielle's thoughts turned to Rhianna. Bitter tears burned her eyes and awakened a painful ache in her heart. She dare not think about this, not now, not here. She mentally gathered those thoughts and committed them to a safer place. Xena dismounted and reached a hand up to Gabrielle. Gabrielle took hold of it and sat for a moment, looking down at her. Xena offered her no explanations, she merely stood there, waiting patiently.
"There are answers here," Gabrielle stated.
"Yes," Xena agreed. "And more questions. And pain."
"And healing?"
"That, too," Xena looked away. "At a price."
"There's always a price, isn't there?"
"It seems there is."
Gabrielle gave Xena's hand a squeeze, wincing a little as Xena helped her down. Xena noticed Gabrielle's look of discomfort. "Side hurting?"
"No. A little lower and to the rear."
Xena chuckled. It was a pleasantly normal sound. "We have to go into the cave. I found another entrance to it and a path other than straight up, but it's still kind of rough. Think you're ready for it?"
"As I'll ever be," Gabrielle allowed.
They made their way up the rugged hillside, stopping several times to let Gabrielle catch her breath, but reaching the outside opening to Rhianna's hideaway in fairly good time. Xena struck flint, lit a torch and stepped into the gloom with Gabrielle close behind. Gabrielle felt a familiar tightening of her throat, clenching of her stomach and heaviness in her chest as they moved downward through the short passage to the cave entrance. Xena reached back and took hold of Gabrielle's hand as they ducked into the small enclosure. Xena moved to the side and released Gabrielle's hand as she walked past and gazed around, eyes narrowing as she took it all in. The small fire pit was cold and empty save for some gray ash that stirred at her passing. Gabrielle moved to a small pile of bedding and bent over it. Rhianna's medicine bag lay on top the blankets. Gabrielle picked it up carefully, almost reverently, and a small puff of dust escaped the opening, the contents whispered dryly inside. The blankets, too, were covered with a thick layer of dust and there was an odd lumpiness to them. Gabrielle absently rubbed her nose with the back of her hand as she reached for them.
"Gabrielle."
Gabrielle jumped a little, startled, as Xena crouched beside her and touched her shoulder. Gabrielle turned her head slightly to look at her. A small, cool gust of air made her shiver and the flame danced on the torch, shimmering eerily in Xena's eyes. It took a moment for Gabrielle to realize what that shimmer signified. She's crying, Gabrielle thought, surprised. And suddenly, she was afraid. "What is it?" Gabrielle asked tentatively, past the lump of uneasiness that had lodged in her throat.
Xena shook her head a little. "I...maybe you shouldn't..."
"It's all right, Xena. I really believe that I need to do this."
Gabrielle turned back to the blankets. A cold emptiness filled her as a heavy hand squeezed her heart from within. An image of Rhianna as they had first seen her appeared perfectly in her mind. She could almost feel her presence, perhaps because she wished it so. But, it was as intangible as an ancient memory, worn thin by time and distance. She swallowed with difficulty, taking a deep breath as she fingered the softness of the worn blanket. Torn between the need to know and a sudden premonition of wrongness, she hesitated a moment, then quickly flipped the blanket aside with a flick of her wrist. She coughed, waving a hand in front of her face, as a dense cloud of dust rose from the blankets, half blinding her in the process. The dust dispersed; swirling and phantom-like on elusive eddies of air. What Gabrielle saw when it cleared was so unexpected that, for a moment, her mind went completely blank. There followed a brief period of elation, because what she was seeing was not what she feared she would see. She felt, then, an eerie slither deep in her soul as her mind sought to make sense of it, while her heart endeavored to deny all that it knew to be true. The bones were small, those of a child, and they were very, very old. They could not, then, be Rhianna's, as she had feared. Yet, as she studied them, they spoke of mysteries and divulged to her their secrets, filling her with wonder, saddening her beyond measure.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have looked deeply
for an answer to a mystery
Only to find it
hidden in plain sight
in all that surrounds me
-pw
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The fragile neck bone was cracked and splintered, the skull faced sharply right. Gabrielle clenched her teeth and closed her eyes; if she heard that distinctively hideous crack that echoed through her nightmares, she knew she would start screaming. And if I start...
Xena laid a hand on her shoulder, Gabrielle placed her hand on top of it and opened her eyes a few moments later. Centered once more, she returned her attention to the mystery before her. A delicate silver chain glimmered in the uncertain light, weaving its serpentine way across the ribcage. At its end, a small piece of intricately crafted turquoise and jade swung gently, set in perpetual motion by a final, dying breath. Gabrielle glanced at Xena, who seemed transfixed by its movement.
"It can't..." Gabrielle's voice emerged as a hoarse croak, dry as desert sand. Xena looked up as Gabrielle tried again. "It can't be her," Gabrielle managed, with a good deal more conviction than she felt. "The bones are too old. They've been here a long, long time. And the dust," she continued, gazing around, "it hasn't been disturbed in years." She stopped, suddenly realizing that it should have been, because they had been in here just weeks ago.
"It's not her," Gabrielle insisted.
"Look at her arm," Xena urged her gently.
Gabrielle turned reluctant eyes back to the bony remains. There, on the upper part of the arm, was the silver Amazon bracelet. "No," Gabrielle breathed the word. "I don't understand."
Xena gripped her shoulder gently. "I'm not sure we ever will."
"Xena, it can't be her. It can't be. Someone did this. Someone put these things here."
"That was my first thought, too. But, I know that it's not true."
"But we saw her, talked to her..."
"But no one else did."
Gabrielle felt the small hairs at the back of her neck stand up. "What?"
"No one else saw her."
"Of course they did, the Amazons..."
Xena shook her head.
"Xan! Xandra saw her, she said she watched out for her, she..."
"No, Gabrielle. No!" Xena's voice was firm. "Rhianna said she watched out for Xan, not the other way around."
Gabrielle drew back from her tone and Xena spoke more softly. "Think about it, she made us promise not to tell anyone about her, and we never did, not even Xan. She was never around when anyone else was present."
"But, Xan..."
"Never saw her. I asked her, I asked everyone," Xena gave her a rueful half-smile. "They think I'm a bit addled, ya know, I was half inclined to agree with them."
Gabrielle slowly turned her head and stared at the pitiful little pile of bones. She was silent for so long, Xena finally reached out and grasped her hand.
Gabrielle looked into her eyes. "But, she touched me, she- "
"Did you ever touch her, hug her, hold her hand?"
Gabrielle thought about it, shook her head. She felt numb, defeated, and at the same time, full of wonder. "Zagnan," Gabrielle said suddenly, eyes glinting in the torchlight. "Zagnan saw her, he touched her, he..." Gabrielle closed her eyes, stomach turning, as she remembered the horrific sight, and that sound, of Rhianna's neck snapping between Zagnan's hands.
"Zagnan," Xena said quietly. "Wasn't quite human himself. He was resurrected from the dark side, used by those who inhabit that darkness. I believe he killed her all right, he may have even killed her twice."
Gabrielle thought back to Zagnan's look of surprise when Rhianna entered the hut; "You can't be here!" he had shouted. Because he had seen to that once before?
"There's more,'' Xena added, after a moment. "The necklace." Xena inclined her head in its direction.
Gabrielle's eyes shifted to the silvery chain, the tiny pendant was still moving. "You recognize it?"
"Yes," Xena replied. "But I don't know how... or why..."
Gabrielle moved her gaze from the oddly hypnotic motion of the pendant back to Xena's face; A single tear there, a drop of sorrow, an ocean of loss and regret. A painful ache settled itself in Gabrielle's heart as she moved closer to Xena's side.
"It was mine; a gift from Rachel's father," Xena explained, "I placed it around Rachel's neck when she was just a baby, just before I...left her."
Xena hesitated, swallowing the stubborn knot of guilt that tightened her throat. She had done what she had to do when she left Rachel with her father's people, what she believed was best for Rachel, feeling guilty about it would change nothing. "And the last thing Rachel did before she died was to place that same necklace around her daughter's neck."
"But, if she gave it to Catherine, then how did Rhianna..." The question died on Gabrielle's lips as she turned again to look at Xena. That faraway look was in Xena's eyes; the one she wore when the past had, once again, come full circle and wound itself into the present. Gabrielle moved as close to Xena as possible without actually touching her and bowed her head. They were as one within that textured silence; so vastly different, so very much alike.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Blue, like the winter snow in the full moon
Black like the silhouettes of the trees
Late blooming flowers lie frozen underneath the stars.
Still as the river grows in December
Silent and in perfect blinding ice
Spring keeps her promises
No cold can keep her back
I want you to remember me that way
-natalie merchant
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
As Gabrielle covered the bones with the blanket a faint breeze touched her hair and whined mournfully in her ear. Gabrielle felt her skin prickle as she listened to the noisy silence surrounding her. The cave, though quiet as a tomb, was never still. There was movement, always just beyond where you were looking, hushed murmurs and mutterings just outside your comprehension. The wind, your mind rationalized, ever logical. Something more, you knew, without question.
"There's something more," Xena stated, startling Gabrielle from her musings. Gabrielle, not at all sure if she was prepared for anything more, turned a wary eye toward her. "I believe that Rhianna meant for Xan to have it," Xena concluded.
Curiosity overriding better judgment, Gabrielle stood, brushed the dust from her hands and joined Xena at the far side of the cave. "What is it?"
Xena lowered the torch she held, illuminating a wooden chest sitting in the shadows. Gabrielle knelt beside it for a closer look. The box was old, the wood scarred, the silver bindings tarnished and dented. It was, however, free of the thick layer of dust which covered most everything else. The top was mostly silver, engraved with a single word.
Gabrielle looked up at Xena, who said nothing and whose face remained carefully unreadable. Gabrielle returned her attention to the box. She fingered the hasp, which held no lock, and lifted it. It lifted easily, soundlessly, and felt warm to the touch. She began to open the lid, then hesitated, remembering other times, other boxes; the Israelites and their ark, for one, and the devastation it had unleashed on the unwary, the unwise, the unworthy.
"It's all right," Xena assured her, reading her thoughts.
An inquisitive breeze eddied impatiently against Gabrielle's shoulder and bade her open it, sighing softly as she did so. Myriad odors arose from within. Gabrielle closed her eyes and took a deep breath of old parchment, leather, wood, a pungent odor of herb and spices. And above all else there was the musky perfume of age; infinitely old, forever new. Xena lowered the torch closer to the box, Gabrielle opened her eyes as flame hissed past her ear. She sorted carefully through the contents. There were a few yellowing scrolls and she unrolled one with infinite care. Within were poems, written in a careful hand and familiar somehow. Some dried flowers. Pages of parchment bound in leather; some old, some not. Gabrielle opened one; it appeared to be journal of some sort. She closed it gently after reading a few lines, feeling like an unwelcome intruder among fragile memories. And finally, lying near the bottom, there was a slender chain of pure silver. Its clasp undone, like a coiled silver serpent it lay patiently waiting for...what? Or who? Something lay beneath it. As Gabrielle pushed the chain aside and picked it up, Xena knelt close beside her, icy hand gripping her shoulder. Gabrielle started violently at Xena's unexpected touch, her hand fisting convulsively around something both sharply cold and smoothly delicate.
Gabrielle turned, half in fright, half in irritation, toward Xena. "By the gods, Xena," her words escaping in an annoyed rush of air.
Xena's eyes, however, were firmly fixed on Gabrielle's now trembling hand. Gabrielle turned her hand over as she followed Xena's gaze. A crimson stream of blood slipped from between her clenched fingers. Displaying an eerily flawless sense of prophecy, it coursed significantly along that line indicating flow of life, then trickled across her wrist.
Xena released an almost inaudible sound of dismay as she leaned forward and wrapped her fingers around Gabrielle's wrist. Gabrielle unclenched her fingers and drew a harsh breath. And within that breath, her heart went icy cold; as cold as the reflection of Xena's eyes in the bloodstained silver cross resting in her palm.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There comes a time we all know
There's a place that we must go
Into the soul
Into the heart
Into the dark
-melissa etheridge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gabrielle lowered the lid, staring hard at the single word engraved on its surface. It explained many things about the contents and left just as many unanswered. She traced a finger over the Greek lettering - r a c h e l
"Rachel," Xena translated unnecessarily, tying off a bit of cloth wound around Gabrielle's hand. The cut was minor and Gabrielle had raised an amused eyebrow at the overabundance of bandage afforded it. But, Xena had seen enough of infection lately, thank you, and had insisted on cleaning it, dressing it and enveloping it within in several layers. Besides, it gave them both something else to think about, for a while anyway.
Xena had looked as stunned as Gabrielle felt, so she had obviously somehow missed seeing the cross previously. Gabrielle turned to look at her; beautiful, haunted, and at this particular moment, remote. She felt the need to touch her, to reach her, and thus, laid a hand against Xena's face. The blue eyes closed for a moment at her touch. Xena took Gabrielle's hand, pressing her lips against her palm before releasing it; it was enough.
"Why would anyone make a cross of silver?" Gabrielle wondered aloud. Xena merely shook her head; she had no answer. Gabrielle began carefully replacing everything in the chest, saying not a word. Xena stood and lit another torch on the wall, then another, chasing the shadows back into their corners. Gabrielle moved away from the chest, as well as the little pile of bones, and sat on the jumble of dust-laden blankets that had once been Rhianna's bed. The scent of pine rose around her, inexplicably provoking the tears she had held so carefully in check. Xena stuck yet another torch in the rocks at their feet, sat down close beside her, but did not look at her. "There's more to tell you, if you want to hear."
Gabrielle rubbed wearily at her eyes and nodded her acquiescence, Xena began her story.
>>>>>>>>>
"Love is the hunger on which we feed"
-Gweneth Jones
>>>>>>>>>
Xena sat just outside the entrance to the cave and stared at nothing in particular on the ground. She was tired, winded from the climb. Getting old. She thought to herself. Twilight stole in like a cat; furtive and shadowy. An arrogant, premature moon struggled to rise and, that accomplished, finally settled itself ponderously in the silent blue sea above. Xena's skin itched. A few moments later both the air and the trees shivered, in either anticipation or apprehension.
"So, you came," Hecate settled beside Xena like a dark wave nudging a boulder. She was accompanied by all three of her hounds this time. Two settled a fair distance away; indistinct puddles of impervious darkness. Tess, as usual, sat at Hecate's feet and stared at Xena with shiny, inquisitive eyes.
"So I did," Xena replied, without looking up.
"You heal rather rapidly."
"Clean living."
Hecate's gruff chuckle brought Tess' ears to attention; the beast would never grow accustomed to this odd utterance from her master. "And your better half?"
The phrase lifted an eyebrow and as well as corner of Xena's mouth. "Healing very well, all things considered."
"Splendid. Perhaps, since your blood now runs trough her veins, she has acquired some of your remarkable healing powers."
Xena said nothing, though the thought was intriguing.
"And the visually impaired?" Hecate quipped.
"If you mean Xan," Xena snapped, turning now toward Hecate, "she's fine and that's not amusing."
Hecate looked askance at Tess, the hound grinned back at her; at least someone appreciated her humor. The hood turned in Xena's direction and Xena wisely shifted her gaze to the moon, which was growing less rotund and more luminous in equal measure.
"And you, Xena, what brings you to this place?"
"Questions that need answering."
"Some things are best left as they are."
"I need to know."
Hecate's sigh was heard only by the wind. "And so shall Gabrielle. Will you tell her, then, what you learn here?"
"Yes."
Hecate fell silent. Xena felt the tiny, prying tentacles of Hecate's furtive dark power slithering around in her mind. Xena closed her eyes, slipped into an inner darkness, and looked much too deeply. Both she and Hecate retreated in haste. Xena opened her eyes and looked at Hecate who was sitting, now, in front of her and wearing a grin so chilly and white it appeared carved of ice. "Oooo, it's dark down there, isn't it?" Hecate observed. Xena merely stared at her.
Hecate drew a breath, released it slowly, the smile slipped away. "Shall I tell you a story?"
"Knock yourself out," Xena retorted.
"There once was a young man from an unremarkable little village outside Corinth. A good man, if there exists such a creature. His people thought him blessed, a prophet, a healer."
The small hairs at the back of Xena's neck tingled, she and Hecate locked eyes for a scant moment before Hecate continued. "The young man, however, wholeheartedly disagreed with his people. And further, him being an independent soul who valued his privacy, he found their continued declarations most uncomfortable and their scrutiny unbearable. So he scurried off to Rome, and he became everything his people thought him incapable of becoming; a soldier, a gladiator, a killer."
Xena stood up, startling Tess, who released a tiny yelp, then covered her embarrassment with a low growl.
"Ssh, Tess," Hecate murmured close to the beast's ear. "Don't be rude." Hecate met Xena's glare with amused eyes. "How well did you know Alexander before you fornicated and grew large and ungainly with his child?"
Xena's eyes narrowed into icy blue slits. "You have such a way with words, Hecate."
"I do, don't I?" Hecate looked pleased; sarcasm was truly wasted on the gods.
"I knew him well enough to marry him."
"He was older than you."
"I know that."
"He had many skills," Hecate lifted a suggestive eyebrow. "And women; those creatures of the heart, absolutely love those who possess many sk-"
Xena shifted impatiently. "Are you going to tell me anything I don't know?"
Hecate laid a hand on Tess' head, the hound looked up adoringly. "Would you mind sitting down, Xena? You look most menacing glowering down like that, it makes my girls uncomfortable."
Xena looked around, the other two hounds had risen to their feet and were standing close behind her, teeth shinning brightly in the moonlight. Xena curled her lip at them; one looked surprised, the other sneered back. Hecate's gruff chuckle rolled like gravel behind her. "Do you know why Alexander left Rome?" Hecate asked.
Xena turned and sat down, the beasties behind her forgotten. Highly insulted, they snorted in unison and dissolved into the darkness.
"He grew weary of the politics," Xena stated. "As well as the violence, the killing, he missed his people, his brothers. There were many reasons."
"He also made a powerful and enduring enemy."
Xena said nothing, for this, too, came as no surprise.
"But you may be surprised as to who it was," Hecate ventured, eerily attuned, as always, to Xena's thoughts. Xena raised an eyebrow. Hecate studied her for a long moment, then grew pensive. The hood grew shadowy, "There are times," Hecate avowed, at last, from its depths, "when the past is best left in the past."
This being the second time that Hecate had imparted this particular bit of wisdom made it notably unsettling. Xena and the silence brooded for a time.
"Touched though I am by your concern," Xena responded, finally, "I want you to go on."
Hecate continued, as was her habit, as if there had been no interruption at all. "Alexander grew enamored of a certain young lady in Rome."
Xena, though not really surprised at this revelation, felt a slight flinching of her heart.
Hecate leaned a bit closer. "I won't bore you with all the soppy details humans seem to find so enticing; he wanted her, he wooed her, he got her."
"How romantic," Xena opined, with more than a little sarcasm.
The eyes beneath the hood glittered. "Are you feeling a twinge of jealousy, Xena?"
Jealousy was not primary among the mix of emotions beginning to trickle into Xena's subconscious, so she ignored the question.
"I suppose not," Hecate answered her own question. "You seldom ever judged people by their past...the exception being your own self, of course."
Xena turned and directed a sharp look into the patchwork of shadows and lesser shadows beneath the cowl. Xena was finding it increasingly unnerving to discover how long Hecate had been lurking just beyond the corner of her mind's eye.
"The bard, as well," Hecate added, and Xena was, again, unclear as to what Hecate was referring. For every mystery Hecate revealed, she created a dozen more. The sky darkened, Xena looked up; the moon, with adroit and solemn dignity, wrapped itself within a cloak of dark cloud as Hecate spoke again. "There was one, however, who was jealous, insanely so, it turned out. For Alexander had a most bitter rival, and though his lady gently, though firmly, spurned this rival's attentions and affections, he remained persistent in his pursuit of her. And as is often the case with both gods and humankind, when one man's desire becomes the object of another's affection, disaster soon follows. The rival's persistence, once an annoyance, grew increasingly alarming. His infatuation became a hunger, his hunger; an insatiable need." Hecate turned toward Xena. "And the need became blind obsession, which is the spark of madness in us all. They fled this madness, Alexander and his lady, but, alas, they could not hide forever and they could not escape. For insanity merely bides its time and grows more devious, and the Fates can be most unkind."
The moon shed the cloak and spilled bright, silver light across the land. Xena closed her eyes and found a terrible blue emptiness behind them. "No." She filled the void with denial.
"You know, don't you?" Hecate's voice caressed, words descending like snow in the silent caverns of Xena's mind. "Somehow, you've always known."
Xena struggled to close her mind, but the practiced fingers of She Who Rules the Night neatly parted the seams of consciousness. "Rachel was not the only child who sprang from your beloved's seed. Alexander also gave his first young wife a child and this child was named after her mother..." Hecate hesitated.
"Rhianna," the voice in Xena's mind supplied without hesitation.
"And this child," Hecate went on, "was unique in the way of her parents; blessed...and cursed. And evil found them, eventually, as evil is wont to do, and slew the mother, and the child, and the heart and soul of a good man."
"Stop," Xena pleaded silently, and Hecate complied. Quiet descended around them with an expectant hush. An inquisitive, cool finger of air lightly traced the track of Xena's tear; a touch so unexpectedly gentle, it opened Xena's eyes. The moonlight shimmered like quicksilver in Hecate's eyes and she looked...sad. "And evil had a name..." Hecate was slowly fading with the night. As she rose, her cloak brushed the tear; it crystallized to blue ice...
"Zagnan," Xena whispered to the dark.
...and shattered.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remorse
Is memory
Awake.
-Emily Dickinson
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Why must we lose the children, Gabrielle?" Xena spoke so softly, with such gentle care, that the harsh reality of her words was even more brutal than if she had screamed to the heavens. "Is there some sort of justice to be found there?"
Xena did not expect an answer to such a question, was, in fact, unaware that she had spoken it aloud. But it drove all else from Gabrielle's mind. It descended like an icy darkness upon her soul and left her heart cold and trembling in the shadow of its passing.
"Xena," Gabrielle whispered sadly.
Nothing more was said as she drew Xena gently into her arms. For this question was most hurtful and never to be answered. Gabrielle could offer only herself as comfort, receiving the same in return.
"Something's coming, Gabrielle," Xena spoke carefully into the listening silence. "Something that will forever change us..."
"I know."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Night has brought to those who sleep
Only dreams they cannot keep
-dean koontz
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Exhausted; body and soul. The body found refuge in sleep, while the soul, restless and uneasy, drifted unprotected. Gabrielle opened her eyes and in one of those perfect, yet fleeting, moments in time, safe and content within the circle of Xena's arms, she remembered absolutely nothing. She yawned hugely and lifted her head from Xena's shoulder.
Xena looked down at her, a bittersweet smile appeared briefly beneath the blue eyes, a gentle kiss brushed Gabrielle's lips. The past faded to a distant memory, the future deemed unworthy of contemplation.
"I love you, Xena."
Gabrielle did not know if she spoke aloud, but Xena heard, and replied in kind.
Was this a dream, or something in between?
"And I'm afraid."
"Of loving me?" Xena asked, voice curiously surprised.
"Of losing you."
"Don't be afraid."
The words whispered and echoed and died, carried by a wind as dark and still as a tomb.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies. I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to
You can run to me
-reba mcentire
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They woke at exactly the same moment for a change. Rising reluctantly from the warmth of each other's arms into a shadowy blue chill, they prepared to leave.
"What will you do with it?" Gabrielle asked, laying her hand on the battered chest as Xena finished putting together a rough travois to carry it.
"I'm going to give it to Xan," Xena answered, grunting a little as she tightened the knot in a piece of frayed rope. She cursed softly as it broke in her hand. Gabrielle thought about that as she knelt beside her and handed her another.
"It will mean a great deal to her."
"Yes... and to Catherine... some day. And I think Rhia meant for Xan to have it."
...And I have something to give her. When she's ready. If something should happen to me...
Xena closed her eyes, and her mind, drawing a long, careful breath before opening them both once more. She put the finishing touches on the crude litter and settled the wooden box on it.
"Xena?"
"Yes, Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle smiled a little at her tone.
"Rachel was your daughter, Catherine is your grandchild; why didn't Rhia just give it to you?"
"Most likely because she wasn't sure I could deliver it."
Gabrielle considered this. Though anxious to find her, Xena knew that Catherine was still, and would continue to be, in mortal danger if Caesar found out about her. As she would be if any number of Xena's long list of old enemies found out about her.
"It will be safe with Xan," Xena continued. "And Xan needs something, someone in her life, now more than ever. She needs family, someone to love, she needs-"
"Someone to watch over her," Gabrielle finished, echoing Rhianna's solemn declaration.
Xena looked up at her. "That, too."
"And what about you?"
"Well, I've got all that, don't I? I've got you."
"Yeah," Gabrielle confirmed. "Yeah, you do."
Gabrielle glanced again at the little bundle of bones, shivering in a draft of air, and laid a hand on Xena's arm. "Why? Why did she come to us?"
"I don't know," Xena mused. "Maybe...maybe to remind us that we need to respect the past, and learn from it, if we hope to change the future. What is the past, after all; a future we either spent wisely, or wasted. Maybe our paths, our destinies, will be decided on what we do with that knowledge...on what we are willing to sacrifice..."
"Or whom."
Xena turned to look at her.
"Rhia told me that there would be a reckoning, a price to be paid for the path I choose; she told me to follow my heart. Trouble is, that's what I've been trying to do and..." Gabrielle reached out and grasped Xena's arm. "I keep losing people I care about," her voice, barely a whisper, was taut with emotion. "I can't lose you, Xena. I won't lose you."
A careful little smile crossed Xena's lips. "Well, ya got that right. You're stuck with me now, no matter what."
Gabrielle stared at her for a moment before a gruff, half-sob of uneasy laughter escaped her, breaking the tension. She lowered her head and rubbed at her eyes.
Xena gently pulled her hand away from her eyes. "Hey..."
Gabrielle lifted her head slowly. Xena bent forward and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead, lingering close for a long moment before leaning away.
Gabrielle looked into her eyes and felt as if she were falling - not into, but away- far, far away, toward an endless abyss of icy blue. She felt a brief moment of absolute panic before Xena's lips touched hers. The kiss was soft and sweet, yet held an almost desperate energy; a fervid yearning to prolong this moment indefinitely, expand upon it infinitely.
"I'll always believe in you, Gabrielle. Wherever you go, whatever path you choose, I'll stand by you as best I can. I will never stop loving you."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We die with the dying:
See, they depart and we go with them.
We are born with the dead;
See, they return, and bring us with them
-t s eliot
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
"Ready to go?"
Gabrielle stood, brushing dust from her clothes as she looked around her. "Mmm-hmm."
Xena sighed inwardly. "You have more questions."
This, of course, was a given; asking Gabrielle if she had questions was akin to asking if water was wet.
"Hundreds. Thousands, maybe."
Xena lifted an expressive eyebrow.
"But, they'll keep."
"Bless you," Xena remarked gratefully.
Gabrielle smiled to herself. Xena knelt down and laid her hand on the worn wooden box. Closing her eyes, she listened carefully. Faint murmurings of life long past; laughter and tears, pain and joy, echoes of a boundless spirit, adrift before its time. She opened her eyes and gazed at the small pile of blankets. A heavy sadness pressed a cold hand against her heart. Who was this child really? How did she die and why must she lie here, nameless and alone, inside this stone tomb? Was she wrong in her thinking? Was she denying the obvious? Could this be her granddaughter, Catherine? An icy cold settled around her, its source untraceable, its intent wholly malevolent, chilling her to the bone. Xena shivered, closing her eyes once again. A comforting presence moved close behind her, warm hands gentle, yet firm upon her shoulders.
"Gabrielle."
The word was all but lost, frozen within the frosty blue-white vapor of Xena's breath. The cold was gradually, grudgingly, displaced and Xena, comforted by her warmth, leaned back and placed her hand on top of Gabrielle's.
"I need to know," Xena said softly.
"You already know," the hands were slowly withdrawing, but their warmth endured.
"Did you say something?"
Xena was disoriented by the direction of the voice, startled, she opened her eyes...and found Gabrielle across the way. Xena exhaled a soft exclamation of surprise, her grip tightening on nothing more than the cold metal fingers of protective armor atop her shoulder. She drew a deep breath and stood, knees a little shaky in the aftermath of one of her more vivid and definitely more unsettling hallucinations of late.
She crossed the distance to Gabrielle and the tiny skeleton beneath its makeshift shroud. Gabrielle studied her curiously as Xena knelt beside her and gingerly touched the blanket.
"I want to take another look at that necklace," Xena explained.
Gabrielle nodded and then looked around in surprise as the constant murmur of the wind suddenly stilled, replaced by a watchful hush.
Xena hesitated as Gabrielle placed a hand on her shoulder. "On second thought," Xena said quietly. "Let's just get out of here, shall we?"
"Right behind you," Gabrielle assured her.
Xena fervently hoped that was so.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You've never been to the moon
But don't you want to go
Under the sea in the volcano
You've never looked into my eyes
But don't you want to know
What the dark and the wild
And the different know
-Melissa Etherige
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hecate touched a hand to the hound's head, silencing the growl before it began. "Something you require of me, or are you just lurking?" Hecate inquired of the darkly hooded presence behind her.
"The Master is merely curious," came the answer.
"Your master is merely impatient. Perhaps if your master would stop interfering, some of his objectives might actually come to be realized."
"I'll pass that along."
"You do that."
"Speaking of interfering, " the rough voice hurried on, before Hecate vanished again into the night. "It seems as though you have...uhm... helped them...again."
"Things are not always as they seem," Hecate turned; a graceful twist of incorporeal darkness, and the figure took an involuntary step back. "Listen and learn my dark little shadow; it would serve no purpose to kill but one of them. The other's heart would undoubtedly shatter, but not the spirit. Trust me, I know them."
"I shall pass along your wisdom, Hecate."
"Do as you like," Hecate's voice was a dismissal, Tess rose languidly to her feet and stretched, more than ready to depart.
The lesser evil before her wisely took another step back as it spoke. "Tell me something, Hecate, just between you and I."
Hecate smiled to herself, knowing better; there was nothing known to this little minion that was not shared with his Master. "What is it you wish to know?"
The smaller dark hood took a wary look around before speaking, Hecate suppressed a sigh of impatience with his theatrics. "Do you not fear him, Hecate?"
"Fear whom?" Two could play at this irritation game.
"Him!" the hood trembled at its own outburst and lowered its voice. "The Master."
"I respect all power, be it Dark or Light," Hecate replied evenly.
As the minion pondered the answer that was not an answer, Hecate took a moment to further reflect upon the question. She smiled briefly at the true answer. She had not, in all her incalculable existence, felt fear in the presence of any man, beast, nor god. Except, that is, for one dark warrior. And, for the most part, Hecate had managed to stay somewhat on her good side. On further reflection, Hecate realized another somewhat startling truth about herself. She liked them; The Fate's elusive fugitives. Both the warrior, who ran so fast from her past that she often caught up to it. And the little bard, who took the beast by the heart and led her, unknowingly, on a path of redemption.
Liked. What a quaintly human emotion, almost as alien to her as fear. Perhaps it was because they were so deliciously unpredictable and they played the game so very well. Or, perhaps - Hecate's thoughts were interrupted by a startled squeak of dismay from the minor annoyance standing in front of her. Tess had grown bored and decided to size the little demon up as a potential meal. The beast sniffed at his black cloak, which was unnerving enough, then moved her nose beneath the cloak to approximately crotch level, which was utterly terrifying. Hecate lifted an eyebrow in amusement, but supposed it wouldn't do to have one of The Master's loyal servants return as a eunuch.
Tess, Hecate admonished. The word was unspoken, but the hound heard, nonetheless. The beast sniffed, then sneezed disdainfully, clearly indicating that there was barely enough there to classify as an appetizer, much less meal. Hecate laughed, the minion winced; Hecate's laugh was just slightly less unsettling than the hound's attentions.
"You may also want to suggest to your master," Hecate went on, seemingly unaware of the messenger's discomfort, "that if he insists on... intervening in this matter by using servants from his domain, he might consider choosing them a little more wisely." This being Hecate's tactful way of suggesting that The Master was an incompetent ass and should stop interfering with her well-laid plans.
"But, Zagnan-"
"Lost sight of the mission," Hecate interrupted.
"And, whom, or what, do you suggest if The Master does feel the need to..uhm... assist you in the future?" The hooded figure visibly relaxed as Tess lost interest in his private parts and sat down beside her mistress. The hound yawned widely, showing an alarming number of wicked teeth.
Hecate appeared to be in deep thought for a while, but had actually been anticipating this question for some time and fully intended to use it to her advantage.
"He has one of mine," she replied thoughtfully, and though it was much too subtle for the unattuned ears of the messenger, some nuance in Hecate's voice- anger? jealousy? - compelled Tess to look up sharply. "She would do nicely," Hecate finished, winking at the hound.
The messenger pondered for a moment. "Ah," he said, finally. "The fair-haired terror from Cirra. She was Xena's creation, was she not?"
Hecate seemed to grow taller, or perhaps the messenger merely shrank under her glare. "Xena planted the seed, most certainly," Hecate conceded, "but it was I who nurtured it."
"She is a bit...unstable and uncontrollable, is she not?"
"She knows Xena and Gabrielle well. Better, in fact, than anyone. She is devious and driven and has a mind of her own. This is what makes her so invaluable."
"And you want her back," he mused knowingly. "Are you a jealous, god, Hecate?"
The little lackey was smarter than she had given him credit for; a lesson well noted. "I want only that which is mine," Hecate replied - and Callisto is mine - "Just as your master desires that which he considers his, or, at least within his grasp. I am merely making a suggestion as to how he is most likely to obtain it. A means to an end, if you will."
The servant considered this as Hecate considered the servant. Hecate was well aware that the little monster was intimately acquainted with Callisto, if only in his wretched dreams. Hecate smiled to herself, she had to give the so-called Master his due. For even she had to admit that having to spend eternity obsessed with a woman who would as soon boil you in oil as look at you was an inspired stroke of ironic torture. Furthering the messenger's infatuation with Callisto would be a rather repugnant, yet necessary evil, for she needed this...this worm to acquire some semblance of a backbone and approach Callisto. The servant looked up from his musings just as Hecate grimaced at her thoughts. Tess glared at him and he took a step toward Hecate, mistakenly taking her grimace for a grin; an honest and often fatal error. He stared for a moment into the beguiling allure of Hecate's eyes, and was effortlessly lured into the dark recesses of her brilliantly manipulative mind...
The messenger was, of course, very well aware of whom Hecate spoke; the unobtainable bitch never left his mind for an instant. He knew that what Hecate said about Callisto was indeed true. In any case, it would not hurt to at least approach the twisted wench from Cirra; well, not much anyway. And Callisto would, most likely, please the Master. It was good when the Master was pleased, when he was not; it was very, very bad. And, when things worked out, both Callisto and the Master would most assuredly show him a bit more respect in the future.
Hecate released his mind with the same exactness as dropping a particularly offensive piece of garbage.
"Rest assured, I will pass along your counsel, Hecate."
Hecate said nothing. She was already plotting her next move in the game. Hecate was not averse to occasionally working in conjunction with other gods and monsters toward a common goal, but basically, she did not play well with others. She had, for instance, thoroughly enjoyed working with the charismatic God of War. Though Ares was devious and sometimes harsh, he played the game well and accepted his losses as graciously as his victories, especially where the Warrior Princess was concerned. His self-effacing humor, dark good looks and sly smile had quite an effect on the old, as well as the new, Xena. And then there was that additional element of their unacknowledged mutual love and respect for one another, as convoluted and twisted as it may be; it was fertile ground for some exquisite shared nightmares between the two of them. Hecate grinned at the irony of it. And then, of course, there was the latecomer, the wild card, the third side of the triangle; Gabrielle.
And Callisto; her untamed, often brutal, and always intensely focused child of the dark. Callisto's love/hate relationship with Xena, and the bard as well, was fascinating and endlessly unpredictable. Callisto's demise at Xena's hand was not at all unexpected, but came as a shock nonetheless. Looking back now, Gabrielle's sacrifice for Xena surprised Hecate not at all, and neither should have Xena's reaction to the jeering Callisto;
"I never thought I'd feel so good again! Seeing poor, dear Gabrielle sacrifice herself makes it all worthwhile. It finally gives me a reason-- for living, and I have you to thank for it, Xena."
Standing amidst the shadows of the past, Hecate felt anew that heartwrenching jolt of shock and wonder as Xena drove the knife deep; Callisto's face, full of terrible and awesome disbelief, followed by a look of...what? Sorrow? Resignation? Or peace at long last? Xena's look was easier to interpret: complete and utter despair, and finally, the icy chill of Xena's eulogy for them all; "No more living for you..."
Hecate sighed deeply, "Callisto..."
The forgotten little servant stared up at her, wondering what manner of thought lurked behind the burning eyes within the shadowy confines of the hood. The Master, of course, could read Hecate's thoughts, but chose not to. The messenger, mistakenly, had entertained the notion that Hecate's mind was consistently filled with even more horror than the Master's. In a moment of unprecedented candor, and anger, the Master had set him straight on the matter. Hecate's mind, when the Master trespassed therein, was filled not with darkness and terror, but with a searing brightness. A reflection of inexplicable goodness and light. The Master was stunned; attempts to escape the light were met with false shadows and pathways to even more intricate plays of light and color. It was, of course, a ruse; ingenious and absolute in its effectiveness. The Master retreated, never to return.
"Perhaps, if all goes well," the servant offered, finally, shivering as the restive night grew even darker around them. "You will meet the Master himself one day and he will return your...uhm...servant."
The shadows stirred, then swirled angrily within the cowl. Hecate did not like the master. For in that one brief moment of Hecate's shock and subsequent inattentiveness at Xena's brutal response to the loss of Gabrielle, the Master had taken ...stolen...one of hers. In Hecate's eyes, this act displayed a monumental lack of respect for herself, as well as for the game; bending an occasional rule was one thing, cheating was another. Hecate smiled and the messenger recoiled at the sight of it. There was a new game to be played, one she intended to win. There were so many things to do; another planned meeting with Pompous, The Magnificent, and though Pompey could prove useful if he kept his head, she found him immensely tedious; such an egotistical fool. And Caesar was due for another not-so-romantic romp with Xena, if only in his nightmares. And Brutus; he was clearly fascinated by the little bard. Could Gabrielle sway him from his blind devotion to Caesar? And if all else failed, there was always the true messenger; care must be taken there, however, for a fearsome power flowed trough Eli, and using it would take a great deal of patience and finesse. Hecate beamed down at Tess, So many men, so little time. The hound's lips drew back in ghastly amusement.
"I shall look forward to meeting your master," Hecate fibbed aloud, as the darkness began to envelop her within its auspicious embrace. The messenger shut his eyes against the sights and sounds that accompanied Hecate and her hound into their nightmare realm, for they rivaled those from whence he had come, and in his current form, a mere glimpse alone could easily shatter what was left of his mind.
Don't you fret, my lovely beast, Hecate met Tess' fervent gaze as they departed. For it is true, I am a most jealous god, and if I can't have them...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Angels never came down
There's no one here
They want to be around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
-melissa etheridge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gabrielle touched a gentle finger against the leather patch that covered Xan's eye. "I like it."
"Do you?" Xan asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah, it's very sexy."
"Ya think?"
"Damstraight."
Xan laughed and pulled Gabrielle into a firm but gentle hug, lifting her feet from the ground and giving her a spin.
"I can't breathe!" Gabrielle's muffled voice emerged from depths of the embrace.
Xan set her down. "Wussy."
"Brute."
Xena, busying herself giving Argo a thorough brush-down, smiled at their banter.
Xan looked into Gabrielle's sea green eyes and sighed deeply. "I'll miss you, Gabrielle."
"I'll miss you, too, Xan." And she would, more than she realized.
Xan gave her a dazzling and somewhat wolfish grin. Taking Gabrielle's hands, she planted a sloppy kiss on both her palms then pressed them above her heart. "My heart will always belong to you, Gabrielle. Not to mention, of course, my best coat. And several of my shirts."
Gabrielle laughed and sniffed the sleeve of her favorite coat, one that Xan had given her long ago. "It still smells of horses. And..." Gabrielle added, wrinkling her nose, "just a trace of goosepoop, and perhaps a smidgen of skunk."
Xan snorted and blushed to the tips of her ears. Gabrielle smiled and lay her hand against the side of Xan's face.
Xena looked up as Argo whickered and moved restlessly beneath her hands. Gabrielle felt an eerily familiar shift in her perception. Shortly thereafter came an unsettling portent of things to come. And following that came the desperate and utterly futile longing to stand amidst the flow of time and somehow alter their irrevocable rush to an inconceivable destiny.
Xan's smile faltered as a mantle of dread settled over her, suffocating a piece of her soul in folds of darkness. The feeling faded quickly, leaving her breathless and with an odd heaviness in her heart.
Gabrielle closed her eyes and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss against Xan's lips, stealing what little breath remained.
"I love you, Xan," Gabrielle whispered. "I will always love you."
"And I, Gabrielle, have always loved you," Xan hugged her tightly, released her reluctantly, and wondered why this good-bye felt so...final. The answer, so dreadfully near in coming, would haunt her until the day she died.
Xena looked at Xan across Argo's back. "Where will you go?" she asked, still brushing Argo with firm, steady strokes.
"I'm leaving tomorrow," Xan replied, her vague uneasiness lingering as she watched Gabrielle pick up a saddlebag and sit down among the blue-gray shadows of a moribund old tree. "I'll be traveling with three of the Amazons Ephiny sent back to gather the remaining tribes scattered throughout this area. Then we'll join forces with Ephiny in the north." Xan rubbed Argo's nose, who responded with an appreciative murmur in horse-speak. "I'll find her, Xena."
Xena's brushing halted a moment, then continued.
"I'll find Catherine, I'll tell her everything about her mother and her family. I'll watch over her, I promise."
Xena grew very still and gazed silently at some obscure point on the distant horizon.
"And I'll read her stories about the warrior and the bard," Xan looked over at Gabrielle, who was fussing with her scrolls. "I'll teach her what I've learned about love, until you can both be there, and she can see for herself."
Xena remained motionless and silent, the minute twitch of muscle in her jaw the only sign she was listening at all. She turned, finally, then walked around Argo until she was standing beside Xan.
"Xan..."
"Huh?" Xan looked away from Gabrielle and found herself confronted by Xena's extraordinary blue eyes.
"You are, without a doubt, the most hopeless romantic I have ever met. Including Gabrielle."
Xan found herself speechless for a moment, then she laughed out loud. Gabrielle walked up beside them, handed Xena the saddlebag and gave a few of her scrolls to Xan. Xan took them with a solemn smile of gratitude and a somewhat heavy heart and turned to Xena. "You know, Xena," Xan said gruffly, lifting Xena's hand and kissing the back of it. "One of these days, you are going to say those three little words to me that I have always longed to hear."
Xena raised an eyebrow as they engaged in a stare-down. Xena wasn't biting.
"You mean, 'I love you'?" Gabrielle asked, deciding to speed things along a bit, having witnessed these stare-downs before.
"Oh, no, no-no-no," Xan replied, placing Xena's hand over her heart. "Not those three little words. I'm talking the ultimate here, I'm referring to the words that have eluded hundreds, maybe thousands, of Xena's followers, elicited the most passionate imaginings, inspired the wettest of wet dreams..."
Xena gave Xan a thoroughly noxious look and none too gently reclaimed her hand.
"Then what?" Gabrielle asked, laughing, hopelessly intrigued now, in spite of a warning look from Xena.
Xan inhaled dramatically; a long, deep breath, and released it slowly. Shaking her hands out in front of her, rotating her head to loosen neck muscles, she finally squared her shoulders and stood perfectly still. She cleared her face of all expression and placed her hands on Xena's shoulders. Leaning very close and in an eerily remarkable rendition of Xena's voice said;
"Xan, Argo is yours," Pulling Xena forward then, in an astounding show of bravado, or utter stupidity, Xan kissed her; deeply, passionately, soundly.
Gabrielle exploded in laughter, Xena was not amused, and Xan ended up landing hard on her butt in the cold, cold mud, grinning from ear to ear.
"And that," Xena informed her, "was four words."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You brought me to trust
You brought me to tears
In one tender touch
The pain disappears
I have been to the sword
Seen it come
Seen it die
As we enter the dark
I beseech you to try
In prophecy all good things must end
So take care
My love
My friend
-melissa etheridge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Xan turned and waved a final good-bye, teeth dazzling white against her dark face, safely atop her own horse and a prudent distance away. With an impudent wink at Xena and an eye on the hand hovering near the chakram, she had departed posthaste after wrapping Gabrielle in her arms, bending her low and giving her an impassioned kiss that left them both breathless.
"You have to admit, that bit about Argo was funny," Gabrielle said, returning Xan's wave.
"Mmm," was Xena's equivocal reply.
"That was some kiss," Gabrielle added.
"Mine, or yours?"
"Both."
"She'd have been better off kissing Argo."
Gabrielle laughed. They both watched as three Amazons on horseback joined Xan; stately silhouettes against a golden sun. Xan was only half listening as the impatient one called Amarice, who was already moving away, said something about her tribe being scattered so far and wide that they'd probably never find any of them. The other two solemnly placed fisted hands over their hearts, then extended their arms toward Xena and Gabrielle, bidding them a royal Amazon farewell.
Xena laid a hand on Gabrielle's shoulder. Gabrielle felt a tightening in her chest, and with a profound sense of pride and belonging, she returned the acknowledgment; next to Xena, there was home.
Xan stared a moment longer, then mimicked the Amazon's gesture, kissing her fingertips in lieu of the fisted hand. Xena smiled slightly and lifted her hand in farewell.
"She'll find Catherine, and she'll keep her safe," Gabrielle assured her, looking toward Xena when Xan was a mere speck on the horizon.
"I know," Xena replied quietly.
"You do love her," Gabrielle stated with conviction. "You love her very much."
"Love her? Xan?" Xena snorted.
"Yep."
"Give me a break, Gabrielle. She's stubborn, foolhardy, impulsive and she talks too much. When she's not talking she's asking questions, when she's not asking questions, she's giving you her opinion. How could I possibly love anyone like that?"
Gabrielle gave her a significantly pointed look. Xena drew back from the heat, bent her head and pulled at her earlobe while re-grouping. She then sniffed, rubbed her nose, and met Gabrielle's steely gaze. "Well, you, Gabrielle... I mean, you..."
Gabrielle pursed her lips and raised an eloquently inquisitive eyebrow. "I what?"
"You know," Xena insisted.
"Enlighten me."
"Well, gee, Gabrielle, you have this ...this thing that sets you apart, ya know?"
"Define 'thing'."
"This remarkable thing," Xena draped an arm across Gabrielle's shoulders, pulled her close and whispered into her ear. "You, Gabrielle, you can cook. Ow."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
If you're lost, you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
-c lauper
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Gabrielle sat down to tighten a bootlace and Xena, gingerly rubbing the rib Gabrielle had elbowed, sat down beside her.
"Gabrielle, I..."
"Put your finger on here, would you?" Gabrielle asked without looking up. "I can never seem to get this one tied tight enough."
"I'll do it."
"Ah ah, no thanks," Gabrielle said, slapping at Xena's fingers. "Last time you did it I couldn't get it untied, and the time before that you broke it and the time before that..."
Xena stuck her finger on the designated spot, effectively halting Gabrielle's tirade. Gabrielle smiled to herself.
"Gabri- hey!"
"Well, you're supposed to move it before I pull it tight. Honesty, Xena..."
Xena extracted her finger and they began anew.
"Gabrielle..."
"Maybe we should do the other one while- "
"Did I ever tell you how empty my life was before I met you?
Gabrielle's hands went still, her heart did not.
"How much I've learned," Xena said quietly, touching her hand, "and that I love you."
Gabrielle smiled, a bittersweet smile, remembering. "I always wondered if you heard me that day," voice soft, looking up, finally, into Xena's eyes.
"I always hear you, Gabrielle, sometimes it may take me a while to listen, but I always hear you.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hear the music, dance if you can
- melissa etheridge
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Epilogue
Xena opened one eye and found herself nose to nose with Gabrielle. "What's wrong?"
"I'm freezing," Gabrielle declared, breath vaporizing in the small space between them, adding visible credibility to her words.
"It's chilly," Xena conceded.
"Chilly? My goosebumps have goosebumps. My goosebump's goosebumps have-"
"I get the picture," Xena affirmed, opening her other eye.
Gabrielle was shivering beneath the blankets.
"Move closer to the fire," Xena suggested.
"Tried that. My backside got hot enough to fry fish; my front is still freezing.
"Mmmmm..." Xena replied sleepily, shutting her eyes again.
"'Mmmm', that's it?"
Xena opened her eyes once more. "Well, what do you suggest?"
"A room? A barn? A stable?"
"Mmm-hmm, if we were within miles of one. There's that cave back..."
"You know I-" Gabrielle interrupted.
"Hate caves," Xena finished. "Any other thoughts?"
"Body heat?"
Xena raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. That could work, I suppose. Maybe you could sleep with Argo."
"Hardy har."
Xena's mouth quirked up in a quick grin. "You said your backside is warm?"
"Toasty."
"Well, why don't you back it on over here then."
Gabrielle grinned, turned over, and spooned herself into Xena's warmth, breathing a sigh of heartfelt contentment. Xena laid an arm across her waist, "Better now?"
"Oh, yeah, uh-huh."
"Terrific."
The night returned to peaceful serenity for a few moments.
"What in Tartarus!" Gabrielle yelped.
"My feet are cold," Xena said matter of factly.
"Cold?! They feel like clumps of ice!"
"You're right. Maybe I'll just go warm them by the fire."
"No, no. Leave them, they'll warm up eventually, I suppose."
They lay in silence for a while.
"Isn't it nice how we've learned to share?" Xena whispered into Gabrielle's ear.
Gabrielle snorted. Xena smiled. Life was good.
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