Chapter 1

Liverpool. Great place to live, great place to work. Let me give you a little history. It's a bustling little city in the north of England. Great night life, home of the Beatles. Not one, but two cathedrals, not one but two football teams and a history of giving me the crappest work assignments on record.

Take my present predicament. It's 7.30 in the morning and I'm trying to help another porter get a really big dead guy into what's more commonly termed as the 'jolly trolley' to take him to the morgue. Now don't get me wrong, I've nothing against the dead guy, poor bastard, and you may wonder why I'm complaining about my job when it's a porters job description to do this stuff. But that's my problem. I'm not a porter. Never asked to be one. I got shafted with this work. Let me explain.

Besides Liverpool having the two cathedrals etc, one thing it does have that not a lot of people know about, is the H.Q of Her Majesties Customs and Excise special branch. That's my real job. Let me introduce myself. Jay Gordon at your service. I'm a sergeant in the Liverpool division of the special branch. Sounds exciting don't it? Well, let me tell you how exciting it gets. You get to go undercover at times (so, guess what I'm doing right now??? Occasional fun, but usually dirty work), you get shot at (really not my idea of fun at all), you get to carry a firearm and be allowed to use it (handy when you're being shot at) and the best part of all, you get to nick villains (now that is fun and the only thing they do advertise on the application form?.).

The downsides to go with all the excitement are loads of paperwork, and a boss who occasionally makes David Brent look charismatic (and have rhythm). Unfortunately I also can't keep a girlfriend because of this job. So why do it? I could be a hero here and say I like to keep the streets safe, but honestly? I have a nice flat near the docks and I like the money! It's not a job you can do forever either. Pretty soon I'm either going to be 'promoted' to a desk, or returned back to normal duties. The criminal world's not as large as you would believe, and soon your face becomes known. And that's my problem.

See, although my names Jay, it was supposed to be Jai, but my pa was drunk on the way to the register office. I'm one of the only female operatives in this department, but I'm actually bigger than most of the hormonal children I work with. They never give up you know? And it's always the old fuckers who are worse than the younger lads.

"You wanna pair up with me on this obbo tonight Jay?"

"Oooo your eyes are such a pretty colour"

"How big a girl are you anyway?"

"Are all your assets this big Jay?"

The answers are always the same. It's Sergeant to you, you pratt, Eyes: blue, Tad under the 6 foot mark, and no unless your names Jodie Foster. One guy did eventually get the hint after I took to cleaning my gun pointing it at his crotch. Like I'd waste the bullet!

So I became the walking bad attitude to compensate. Hence, all the crap assignments. No one calls me a dyke to my face, but you catch the odd 'muff diver' comment. It's no wonder I'm as cynical as I am, but hey, it goes with the territory. My boss does flatter me though. He tells me he gives me the crap assignments cause I'm the only one who'll get a result. Hey, at the end of the day I'm a woman, and like my ego pandered to, what can I say?

So, here I am in a really small Liverpool hospital working undercover cause some dickhead staff nurse has apparently been bragging about getting his drugs cheap from abroad, and some model citizen has grassed him up. And quite right too. That'd be like me running guns and letting criminals go for fucks sake, talk about abuse of power. The insane idea is that porters go everywhere and new ones pop up everyday so a new face won't be suspected (especially mine which contradicts my cynicism). My job is to get invited on one of the regular piss ups and befriend him to find out the facts. He's only small fry; it's his dealers we're really after.

Peter, my portering partner for this job, nods at me and draws me from my musings, "Alright Jay? Let's get this gent sorted then shall we?"

"No probs Pete lead the way"

We pushed the trolley (and gent) out of the hospital and towards the morgue nodding at the staff we passed. There were certainly some good lookers in this place, that was for sure. Pete caught me winking at one nurse as we went.

"Aye aye Jay? Something you're not telling us? Thought we were all members of the porters union here????"

I just laughed at him. "Can't blame a girl for looking Pete, what's the matter? Can't you take the competition?" Like I said before, I don't see the point in being too far into the closet, and I'm a big girl, I can handle myself when it comes to the bigots. My coppers instincts about people were usually spot on too, that's why I got results.

"From Andy, sure, but you? Neither of us stands a chance against your looks girl" came the reply. I just grinned. Andy and Pete were known as the terrible twosome for their dating antics and taking young ladies up to the roof 'to see the view'. If I wasn't already a world weary copper, I'd never had believed it!

On our way back from the morgue and on the way to a well earned brew (well, we HAD been working for an hour already), I tried to prise some info out of Pete. "So, I hear there's some wild nights out in this place then? When's the next one? Might as well get my introductions to the nursing staff out of the way?"

"Jesus Jay, you've only been here a couple of weeks! You a fast worker or what?" We walked into the porters' office, sure enough; the kettle was on, marvellous. Two lads were sitting in residence, TV on, coffee in hand, ringing phone being ignored.

"Hey, Andy, John, our mate Jay's going to have to be watched, she's probably gonna be pulling more women than us" Pete laughed as he started to make the two of us a cuppa.

"You a dyke then Flash?" John sneered. "Yeah fat boy, problem with that?" I replied as I took the cup Pete offered. John just mumbled as I stood over him, coffee in hand directly over his crotch. John's a pathetic excuse for humanity. Whereas you might have noticed a certain liking for Pete and Andy, (kindred spirits more like!) John was the sort of wanker who brought out the homicidal psycho we women only unleash once a month.

"Cool, can't wait for the next night out then" Andy laughed. "I'll ask big Dave when he's sorting one out for us hot horney studs"

"Who would that be then Andy? Me and Pete?" I laughed.

"Yeah yeah, all mouth and no trousers Jay, that's you"

I smiled at Andy, big Dave was my target. Hopefully this gig and all its great perks would be over sooner rather than later. Now if only I could bag a nice nurse to go with the assignment, this mightn't be too bad a result. Coffee, sex talk, and women in stockings. Nice!

I spent the rest of my shift doing my portering job, but watching the natives. I've got to be honest; the job had its funny moments. You ever seen Little Britain? Know the character Andy??? (Yeah I know?) Well, every ward had at least two of him, and they were total bastards to get in those chairs to take them to x-ray, then to somewhere else, then to transfer to another ward. They could walk to the smoke room, but they couldn't pour a glass of pop. Ungrateful dip shits. Still, at least I managed to get a good look at my target on one trip.

We'd been called to the High Dependency Unit (or the Highly Dramatic Unit as Andy called it) to move a punter to another ward.

As we struggled to help the diva, sorry, patient onto the ward bed, I saw Andy look up.

"Alright Dave, nice tan, back off your hols then? Where did you go again?"

Ah, so that would explain why I'd been here a fortnight and not met him. Typical government efficiency, the prick was on his holidays for fucks sake.

"The Dominican" came the rumbled reply. "Had to take the bitch with me, she'd been moaning we never go anywhere, you know how it is"

Christ, this one was a charmer. What the hell did women see in men like that? Buggered if I knew.

"Huh, right, well, when you sorting out a night out for us then? We gotta introduce Jay here to the masses"

I felt eyes boring into my back, so I stood up and bored back at him. I knew him from the surveillance photos and background check we had done, but you can't really get the feel for a person (pardon the pun) until you get to see them up close and personal so to speak. Everything I knew about this man from what I'd studied and what I saw in front of me screamed tosser, arsehole, or wanker, take your pick. Big framed, but muscle turning to flab, bald as the proverbial, and, well, to be honest, he looked thick. I think he was taken aback that I could look him directly in the eye. I'm going to pick wanker and stick to that description.

He was a nurse so earned about £18,000 a year, before taxes, but we'd raided his bank for details, hey, we are the law you know, it's all done in your name, the public safety thing. And the guy had cash deposits every month for sums between £1000 and £2000. If he was putting his 'earnings' in the bank, he was even more of an arsehole than we thought.

"No need for us to introduce her to the masses" he said, with his idea of charm "she can just be introduced to me"

"Jay, Dave, Dave, Jay" Andy did the introductions, unnecessary of course on my part. I stuck my hand out. "Nice to meet you Dave, heard only good things about you from ugly here" I stook my thumb in Andy's direction.

"Glad to hear that, see you soon gorgeous" he leered as we took the patient off his hands.

Wow, he was a real charmer, wonder what his 'bitch' was like to tolerate that Muppet with his wide boy, 'I'm great' antics. Big Dave my arse, the only thing big about this prick, was his ego. Of that I was sure; I'd met enough small time gangster wannabie's in my time.

After an excruciatingly long eight hours of horror I stepped out into daylight and found my beat up Fiat. Now, I'm sure you might think I drive something flash usually and only drive this to keep in with the profile of this job, but no. This baby's all mine. He's not much, but he's paid for, and gets me from A to B without breaking down. That's enough for me. Oh, and the stereos really really loud. Enough said.

I pulled up at the 'office'. My real job. I had to tell the boss what was going on. I swiped my i.d card through the various checks to get to the lifts. Now, I don't know what you think government offices look like, but trust me, ours aren't anything flash. But its home for our team. I smile as I look at myself in the mirrored doors. Jeez I look tired, and was that a grey hair I saw in my hair???? Ah man, I feel old and I'm only 33. I leave the lift and walk through the security to our offices. The unmentionables we jokingly get called by the rest of the pen pushers in this place. Ha! Let them think we all swan around like James Bond, how little do they know about the excitement of handling dead bodies. Yuk!

I walked towards my desk to check for messages. As I approached my desk, Phil another mate waved at me, I changed direction and headed his way.

"Hey Sarge, the boss wants to see you. And you want any of these DVD's???" He was waving a few sheets of A4 paper in my direction. I laughed at him as I snatched the paper.

"You know Phil, we're supposed to ENFORCE the law, not break it!"

"Hey, don't blame me, Tony left this for you, I'm merely the messenger, don't shoot me. If you have to shoot someone shoot that knob Eric, you should have done it the first time."

I took the offered paper, walked to the boss's office, knocked on the door and strolled in. "You rang guv'nor?"

Jim, our Chief Inspector looked up from his desk. Jesus! I thought I had issues with paperwork, I couldn't have done his job; he had reams of the bleeding stuff on his desk and an expression like he was chewing a wasp. And the wasp was winning.

"Alright Guv, couldn't make you out there, with all the paperwork, beaurocrats pissing you off again?" I sat down in the offices only other chair.

"Jay, nice to see you. How's the obbo going then? Any joy yet?" he rubbed his eyes. "Tell me you met the target at least, found out today that the Intel was wrong and the man's been on his jollies for the past fortnight"

"Yeah, found that out. Met him today. It's as we thought, he's a wanker. Bragging about his bitch and his holiday to the Dominican. Arsehole. He seems like a nice one to take down. Do we know who the tip off came from yet? Might be helpful to know." I yawned.

"Nah, Tony's on the hunt for that while you're portering, it's from one of those anonymous Crimestopper lines, that we do know. Keep in touch with him; he is your contact with us after all." He sniggered, "nice uniform by the way, brings out the colour in your eyes"

I looked down at the light blue shirt and navy slacks I was wearing. "Yeah, the nurses seem to approve." I smiled. "Pity about all the fucking starch in them though, make me bleeding itch. I'm off duty tomorrow, but I figure it'll give him chance to ask about me to the lads. Prick thinks he's God's gift, giving me the eye for some reason. Was thinking of bringing in the DVD list doing the rounds to get him onside a little, show him I'm not a goody two shoes. I don't want to give him the wrong idea on any other front. You know how the press'd love an entrapment fall out from the case."

Jim sighed. "Fucking vultures. Sure you don't want us to set you up a new address Jay? It'd be safer, and would look a little less flash than that pad you got"

"Yeah, but I figure a couple of things on that score boss. I'm gonna say that I got it through stuff I did outside of work you know, put it that way, and tell them a little of the truth. Never hurts to base a lie on the truth Guv."

"Sounds a good enough plan to me. Keep me appraised then Sergeant, and keep in touch"

I smiled at his dismissal, stood and went back to my desk. I wrote Tony a quick note telling him to ring me when he could, and waved goodbye to Phil, whose desk was starting to resemble the boss's. Best thing about working undercover was the lack of paperwork; poor bastards like Phil got palmed off with all your cases.

I went back through the security checks to the car park, and picked up my car. The office was set down by the Albert Docks, nice setting overlooking the river Mersey, and stunningly enough my flat was only 3 minutes drive, overlooking the same river. Believe me, it wasn't planned, I'm not that much of a workaholic, and they certainly don't pay us enough money to buy these places. I'm 'luckier' than most of my colleagues you see. I putter my car into my parking spot and nod my greeting at the security guard. It always makes me laugh looking at our security, the lads are ok and pretty good for a private security firm, don't get me wrong, but they have an Alsatian, who god love him, is on his last tour of duty before retirement! I think he'd gum any trouble makers to death!

I parked and went up in one of the private lifts to my flat. I told you I was luckier than most didn't I? Well, I suppose my flat is really nice. (OK, there's no suppose about it, it is nice, I admit it), but I don't think I'm that lucky. I got the money for this place through my parents. Now, before you say wow, your parents must be really great and wealthy, the money came from their deaths. My folks were killed by a drunk driver eight years ago. The drunk had been drinking booze that had been brought illegally into country. Kinda ironic don't you think when stopping this is my occupation. I'll be honest; it does make you a little more zealous in your job when the law's your occupation.

Now, don't get me wrong. I did not have a great relationship with my folks; they never did accept my sexuality fully, merely tolerated it. However, they were my parents and for all our disagreements, I miss them. As an only child, I got left everything, so I bought this place and had enough left to buy nice things if I wanted.

I drop my keys on the table in the hall and press the button on my answer phone. My best friend Gin's voice sounded through the flat.

"Hey tiger, it's me. The time's 5.30, give me a ring when you get in, I'm assuming you're doing one of those bloody jobs you can't tell me about."

Sod it, missed her by ten minutes. I picked up the phone, speed dialled Gin and wandered into the kitchen, intent on rooting through my usually bare fridge whilst sticking the coffee machine on. Ah the life of the single professional girl. Who said it was boring eh?

Gin answered the phone on the fifth ring as my head was stuck in the freezer section trying to find a ready meal to eat.

"Hiya gorgeous, when you going to leave that husband of yours and come live in this palace of mine with me?"

"Hey Jay-jay, you know I would but I don't like that minimalist look you seem to have settled on. What you up to? You sound muffled?

"Jealous I might be busy with another woman???"

"Jay, I have no reason to be jealous when you're never with another woman. You talk the talk, but you don't walk the walk girl. What's the matter with you? You've been single since that bitch left with half your belongings"

"Don't start on me Gin, come on, I'm starving and looking for something to eat. I really don't fancy take out again" It's the standing joke between us that the local take-away's know me by name and what my order'll be before I tell them. It's not too far from the truth!

"Second draw down in the freezer, in a Tupperware dish with a blue lid, there's some stew I left you. Defrost for five minutes and then full heat for eight. I don't know how the hell you stay so bloody slim all the shit you put in that body of yours. If you weren't my best friend I'd hate your guts." I found the tub and slapped it in the microwave. Great. Ginny was the best straight girl in the world, and she knew I knew it. We'd met at a local night club, hit it off and known each other for years, since I was a beat copper and she was a student nurse. After the whole accident with my folks, she took me under her wing even more and became my mum, big sister and best friend all rolled into one. I'm not too sure what I did to deserve her, but I thanked whatever Supreme Being there was that she was in my life.

"So when you off this week then tiger? I need to go shopping and I thought we could nip down to town and do some lunch. Not seen you for a couple of weeks honey, what you been up to?"

"Work Gin, I'll tell you about it tomorrow if you like. You coming to mine and then we'll walk into town? Say 10ish?"

"Sure, I'll buzz you when I get there honey, see you then, enjoy the stew"

I waited for the microwave to bleep the end of its nuking of my dinner, sipping my coffee. Like I said, the exciting life I lead eh?

After scoffing my dinner, I went down to the resident's gym. Gin didn't know how I kept slim? Cheeky bitch! She knew I ran regularly and came and used the gym with me. It was one of the best parts of the apartment complex I lived in, a fully furnished gym, yet there was only me and a handful of others who used it. Not that I was complaining, you never had to wait for equipment to be free and the others who used it were usually women, so win win situation.

I tied my hair back as I strolled into the gym, smiling as I noticed Jan; a regular was sitting in a yoga mat. I smiled and nodded at her and started the treadmill. I was putting my headphones in when the gym's toilet door opened.

I looked up, my eyes landing on the full-length mirror (Copper's are nosey - I'm no different). My heart seemed to stop ? wait ? and then ? boom ?An angel ? a real life angel ? here ? in this gym ? with me. I felt clumsy, exposed, shy and vulnerable all at the same time. Get a grip, woman. But how could I? She was gorgeous. G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S - get it? Positively perfect. A feeling stirred inside me, I can't explain it ? but ? wow ? and then ? wow again. I felt her eyes draw me in - green and deep, and I felt myself tumbling into those green pools ?

Yeah tumbling. Tumbling fucking downwards ? bollocks. My right foot, twatting thing, decided to make an exhibition of both itself and me, and hit the treadmill wrong - half on the static - half on the moving. Shit! I tried to correct myself, but my balance said 'Fuck this!' - MP3 one way - water bottle the other ? me, somewhere in between kissing my arse as it passed my tit.

The air went blue as I went red.

Priceless.


"Ow, you fucking bastard!" I landed in a graceless heap on the floor.

"Are you ok? Oh, sorry! That's stupid isn't it? Course you're not! Do you need a hand to get up?"

I looked up into the sparkling green eyes that had been my literal downfall, "S'ok, I've been told I've got the grace of a hippo on stilettos, you get used to being clumsy when you're my size" I said wryly, accepting the small but perfectly formed hand up. Shit! Am I thinking these things already about a woman whose name I don't know? I was pulled up with little effort, wow, there was some strength there.

"I wouldn't know about that, being my size"

I understood what she meant as I realised I towered over her once I was back on my treacherous legs. She must only have been about 5 foot 5 compared to my near 6 foot stature. But she was perfect. Thick shaggy blonde hair and a killer body. Did I mention the green eyes? Yeah? Oh right sorry!

"Hey Jay, you ok there love?" Jan interrupted my appreciation of this woman's face.

"Yeah Jan, just lost my balance there for a minute, you know me" I smiled hoping to get an introduction to the stranger who'd made me fall off a treadmill.

"Sorry we'll be out of your way now, we've finished anyway, Kate was just going to stretch my poor aching limbs out, she's a bitch to me, but worth every penny"

Ah, so Kate was the lovely angel's name. I smiled and nodded, "Well Kate, as you might have gathered, I'm Jay, local clown and occasional stunt woman. Pleasure to meet you, I'll let you get back to stretching Jan over there" I smiled and turned to go back onto the evil bastard treadmill from hell (which I'm sure was laughing) and they returned to the yoga mat.

I watched them in the mirror as I pretended to be concentrating on my run and my music, Jan was lying on the floor as Kate was stretching her hamstrings, she had a spaghetti strap top on and shorts, and like I'd noticed, a great body, not too muscley but not skinny either. I wouldn't have minded private training with her, I tell you! As I was grazing my eyes up her body I looked up to catch her looking right back at me. I was caught?? Shit, fuck, bollocks.... I blushed. Blushed for fucks sake! Kate simply smiled at me, winked and then returned to what she was doing. Well, it could have been worse I suppose, she could have glared or told me to fuck off. I could have gone arse over tit again too. I turned down the volume on my music as I noticed they were leaving, hoping to hear when she'd be back or any snippet of information about her

"I can fit you in same time next week then Jan, if that's ok with you?" Great, that was me being here same time next week too. But next week I'd be on the weights machines I think, probably be a bit safer.

"Yeah great, thanks Kate, come on I'll walk you to the lift" They made for the exit, but not before I caught Kate looking at me, as our eyes locked I smiled at her and gave a little wave goodbye, she winked back, Interesting.

I managed to get through the rest of my workout without injury and headed back to my flat. After a shower I spent a quiet evening in with Jodie Foster. On DVD of course. And headed for bed.


Continued...