~ Diary of a Madwoman ~
by Rachel Hahn


DISCLAIMERS: Is this a moot point yet? Ok ok....Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto and other assorted characters in this story belong to MCA/Universal, and no copyright infringement is intended. It is soley for the private use of our audience and cannot be repoduced in any way without express written consent of the aforementioned author LOL....namely me!

SUBTEXT ALERT: YES, there is subtext in them thar words! Action nothing more than PG, but still this story implies that Xena and Gabrielle love each other in more than just a "friendship" kinda way. So if u just ain't into that, or it's like ILLEGAL where u live...either MOVE or hit the back button on your browser now please :)     Thank u! On with the story my friends.......

E-mail comments to: Barderella@aol.com


Part 5
Xena pulled Argo up quickly....she held up her hand in a SHHH sign, and they all went into silent mode. The warrior tilted her head, and plucked an arrow out of the air in front of Callisto's face. Quickly she and Gabrielle dismounted, and clasped their hands over their heads in the Amazon signal for friend.

"What did ya do that for X? That arrow can't kill me!" She laughed heartily.

"Just reflexes I guess..." said Xena with a note of humor in her voice. "Sorry if it wasn't showy enough for you." She smirked.

"But it was a sweet gesture...I mean you thinkin you were saving me and all, even for just a moment...thanks." Cal smiled warmly.

Their conversation was cut short by the vision of 4 very armored, very intimidating looking Amazons emerging fron the trees around them. The first one came forward while the other 3 lead their horses. The way they carried themselves told Xena they were upset....and by the looks of things, they weren't in a chatty mood either.....

"My Queen..." said Solari as she pushed her mask back and knelt before Gabrielle. "May I have the honor of escorting you to the village?"

"Of course Solari....lead on." replied Gabrielle.

"Xena." Solari nodded at the warrior and was returned the same. "But her..." she said, pointing at Callisto, "We cannot allow it."

Callisto smirked and tilted her head sideways. She thought about conjuring up a fireball to hurl at this insolent Amazon, but caught the glare from Xena and decided it would be better to just let Gabrielle handle it just this once.

"Solari...." said Gabrielle...."Callisto travels with us. In fact, she is the reason we came for this visit....so please just trust me on this one ok?"

"As you wish my queen.....shall we then? Aliandra...ride ahead and inform Ephiny the Queen is here." said Solari as she launched onto her horse and proceeded to lead the way to the village, shooting Callisto a backwards sneer to which Callisto promptly responded by sticking her tongue out at the Amazon....to which Callisto bit her tongue when she got a WHAP in the back of the head from Xena, who rode ahead laughing to herself...to which Gabrielle looked at them both, looked up and rolled her eyes.

"Alright Warrior Children....cut it out already." called out a giggling Gabrielle. 'I swear Xena's mother must have been a saint to deal with this!' she thought to herself.

They arrived at the village about a half candlemark later, amidst sneers and even flung objects directed Callisto's way. Ganrielle did her best to admonish them, but really now, how could she blame them? After all, Callisto had caused many a problem for the Amazons in the past, and to just see her ride into town with their queen? Well...Gabrielle was sure she might do that same thing.

Ephiny met them at the gate and bowed to her queen. "Queen Gabrielle, it is wonderful to see you again!" She moved to offer her arm to help Gabrielle dismount, but instead found the playful blue eyes of Xena's staring into her own....

"Eph...I got this one." Xena winked as she spoke....and Ephiny's mouth just hung there. "Catching dinner there Eph?" Xena reached up and plucked the bard from her saddle, letting her gently down onto her feet.

Gabrielle let her hands stay upon the warrior's shoulders for just an extra second or two, but that was enough to let Ephiny know for SURE what was up here. And her jaw slacked open even further.

"Eph really..." whispered Gabrielle as she walked by..."So unbecoming of an Amazon!" She laughed. "You would think you have never seen two people in love before. Geeesh!" Xena held out her arm to the bard, who took it and motioned for Callisto to follow them to their hut. And all the while Ephiny just stood there dumbfounded with her mouth hanging open....

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When she finally regained the muscle control in her face and body, Ephiny dashed after the bard.

"Wait! Wait!! Gabrielle!" she yelled after them. "Wait for me!"

She caught up to them as they got to the door. "Gabrielle! By the Gods woman...we have to talk!"

"Ephiny...yes yes I know...please come in. Eponin....Solari! You come too, I promised you an explanation and you will have it." replied the bard as they entered. They took chairs around the table and Gabrielle began the tough job of convincing them to trust Callisto.

Xena just leaned her chair back against the wall and watched her lover in action. 'This is what she was born for.' thought the warrior as she took it all in. She watched Gabrielle really get into her conversation, her hands cavorting wildly as she tried to drive her point home to the regent, whom...by the way...still looked shocked about earlier. She caught the bards eye and smiled her trademark half smile at her...Gabrielle smiled back and went back to her discussion. 'And to think what else those hands can do...mmmm mmmm....' Xena's mind went back to their night together, and her attention to that memory was only broken by the Gabrielle's voice calling to her....

"XENA!!! Hello, are you here with us?" giggled Gabrielle uncontrollably.

"Wha? who...ahem, yes Gabrielle, I'm here." she replied. 'Now I am' she smirked. "What was the question again?"

"Xena..." replied Gabrielle..."Ephiny asked you if you agreed this was acceptable.....meaning Cal's arrangement here." she nodded Callisto's direction.

"Yes Eph....I think it is a benefit for us all. I mean honestly...how many Amazon tribes can claim a Goddess as a built-in defense system? Think about it...no one would want to bug you..." she winked at Cal...who winked back.

"And you think Xena, that we can trust her? Who is to say she won't return to her old ways, and obliterate us??" snapped Solari forcefully.

"Solari....I can't explain it, but it's a feeling I have inside." interjected the bard. "I mean, I just feel like it's the right thing to do. But I guess it would be a bit hard to believe if I were in your shoes....you had to be there to see it happen. Let me tell you I was scared at first that it was a game, but no....this is alright....I'm sure of it. If Callisto had wanted us all dead, don't you think we would be dead already?"

"Hmmmm...." said Solari, "you have a point. Alright, you can count on my vote."

"And mine." said Ephiny.

"Mine as well." added Eponin.

"Good." stated the bard. "Pony, Callisto is in your charge in our army. She reports to no one but you. Understood? Callisto has already agreed to this. Isn't that right Cal?"

"Indeed it is Gabrielle!" smiled Cal. She turned to the general....."Eponin, it is with honor that i serve you...my blade is yours to command. I swear fealty and allegiance to Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazons." she knelt before Pony, whose mouth just was hanging open.

"Uhhh Uuuhhhhh...ok" said Pony. "Um Callisto, come with me, we will get you settled for tonight."

"Sure thing chief!" she mischieviously winked at Pony, who sneered at the nickname she was sure Eph wouldnt let her forget for the next week.

"Alone at last!" grinned Ephiny. "Ok you two...spill! Are you together? I mean, FINALLY together??"

"Ummmm yeah." stated Xena.

Gabrielle looked sideways at Xena, silently chastising her for her bluntness. She cleared her throat. "Thank you oh 'Warrior Princess of Many Words' but I will take it from here. Come on over here by the fire Eph, and I'll tell you the most romantic story you have ever heard. A story of love and forgiveness, and newfound trust." She swatted Xena in the stomach and gave her a push. "Xena, why don't you go get a bath...relax....save your energy for later...." said the bard, trying her best to sound sexy as she said it.

'Oh yeah' thought Xena, 'that's sexy...mmmm' And she turned around, swept her bard into her arms...their lips meeting in a tender kiss that seemed to go on forever....

"AHEM" snorted Ephiny.

"Oh...ummm...yeah, hey sorry Eph...just get a little carried away when I'm in kissing range of tall, dark and gorgeous here..." she giggled.

Xena rolled her eyes, winked and headed out to the bath hut.

"Ok now Gab....tell me EVERYTHING! And leave not anything out under pain of tickle!" said Ephiny after the warriors footsteps faded.

"Oh Gods Eph...where do I start?" she laughed. "One minute i was sittin there, and the next I was kissing her. And she was kissing me back.....when our lips touched I thought I had died and gone to Elysia for sure. Nothing else mattered.....I didn't care....I just wanted to go on kissing her forever." she sighed.

"Gab....wow....so like ummmmm, is she as good as everyone thinks she is? smirked the regent. "I mean, she MUST be...she's a warrior....and she's so damn HOT to top it off! I can't believe you finally got your nerve Gab...I am so happy for you!" She hugged the bard. "You know, there are going to be a lot of disappointed Amozons runnin around here now, with their lips hangin all out pouting...."

"Oh I know Eph...Xena has many Amazon admirers." stated the bard.

"I wasn't talking about her Gabrielle...for cryin out loud, there were just as many who lusted after you my queen." she laughed.

It was Gabrielle's turn for the "mouth agape syndrome" and Ephiny had to laugh.

'No way..." said the bard.

"Yeah way."

"Nooooo, I am not all that."

"Yes you are. In fact......" Ephiny whispered..."I was going to try to win your attentions if Xena didn't move on her feelings soon!" she winked at the bard. "But don't worry...I'm fine, and I am very happy for you my queen."

"Ummmm...thanks?" replied the bard....and they both broke into fits of laughter.

"Well Gab...I'm going to turn in...early council meeting tomorrow don't forget...and maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea if you got some sleep tonight? Hmmm??" the regent smirked.

"Ok Eph, I'll try!" she grinned evily at Ephiny as she left, then proceeded to attack the dinner tray that was left for them earlier. 'Sometimes it's nice to be Queen.' mused Gabrielle as she devoured yet another slice of nutbread....

Callisto awoke with a start. Her eyes darted around the room for a few seconds before she remembered where she was. "This has got to be a dream" she thought. She looked around her new room and was semi-pleased with it...."Too much frilly stuff in here!" she chuckled to herself, making mental notes what to bury outside in the forest later. She had a washbasin, a table and 2 chairs, a bed...even a small chest for her belongings. "Yep....definitely a dream...."

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp rap on the door.

"Enter my domain!" she giggled as the flaps parted and Ephiny strode in bearing 2 steaming mugs of tea. 'Hmmmm...she looks nice this morning' she thought to herself, and wondered why her stomach just did a weird little flip.

"Callisto...how was your first night in our village?" inquired the regent as she set the mugs down on the table and took a seat.

"Honestly?" said Callisto...."I don't think I have ever slept that good." She stood up and pulled up a chair next to Eph, the corner of her mouth tugging up just a bit at the memory of the first sound rest she had had in over 10 years.

Ephiny found herself smiling before she knew it. What was it with this woman? Since her arrival yesterday, the regent hadn't been able to form a cohesive thought when in her presence. And now was no exception.

"EPHINY!!! Helloooooooooo!"

Callisto's words startled her out of her musings, and she looked up to see a pair of amused brown eyes looking back at her. "No Eph, don't look...don't look..." she yelled to herself, but alas....too late!

Their eyes locked and held...each trying to figure out what was going on here.

"Eph...are you alright?" asked Callisto as she reached over to feel for a fever.

"I'm fine...{ahem}....really Cal...." she finally managed to stammer out. She tore her eyes away from the blonde...("Gods that was tough!") but Cal slid her fingers under Eph's chin and brought her eyes up again to meet her own.

"Why do you look away from me Ephiny? Do I scare you?" the warrior asked.

"A little..." replied the regent honestly.

Callisto stood abruptly and walked across the room. "I swore allegiance to your queen...your nation, and I don't make promises I don't intend to keep."

"Well that's good to know." Ephiny swallowed hard. "For future reference I mean...errrr...." She swallowed again. 'By the Gods why won't my mouth say something UN-stupid just once here?' "The council meeting is in a candlemark...." she said standing to leave. "Do you know where the meeting hut is?" she asked.

"If it's the one that has the sign on the outside that reads 'Meeting Hut', I think I can find it..." She flashed a smile and winked at the amazon.

Ephiny just stood there for a second, not sure if she was being flirted with or not.

"Cal...just tell me this isn't some cruel joke, or some way to get back at Xena..." she looked away and out the window. "Because maybe I really want to believe you have changed." The last sentence was out before she knew she had even said it, and she silently cursed herself for being so revealing.

Callisto walked over to her and gently turned the regents' face to meet her eyes once again. "Ephiny...like I said, I don't make a promise I don't intend to keep. And I promise you this is for real."

Eph searched Cal's eyes for any signs of untruth, but all she found was honesty and sincerity. "Good..." she whispered as she slowly reached out, running her fingers through the blonde locks and around the back of Callisto's neck, while leaning forward enough to brush her lips across the warrior's. She pulled away, not knowing if she had just made a serious faux paus or not....

Callisto was startled for a moment, but was brought out of her reverie by the flipping in her stomach again. What was this? She had never felt anything like it. It hadn't been like this when she kissed Xena! All she knew is she wanted more. Her fingers went up to caress the line of the regent's chin...her cheek. She looked into her eyes. "What are you doing to me Amazon?" she whispered as she slowly brought her lips to Ephiny's.

This time there was no hesitation, no wondering as their kiss deepened. The mug of tea Ephiny had been holding clattered to the floor, completely forgotton. Callisto marveled in the softness that was Ephiny's lips and tongue, and felt a spark begin somewhere inside her. Her arms reached out and pulled the woman close to her, and Ephiny responded by encircling hers around the warlord's neck and running her fingers through her hair.

Ephiny finally had to break away....she couldn't breath! She backed off a step, staring incredulously at Callisto, her heart pounding and her breath coming short.

"I...I've got to go...." she stammered, backing towards the door.

"Eph...."

CLUNK! Right into the doorjamb.

"Ow!"

"I tried to warn you..." Callisto winked at the regent. "Can I see you later? Please?"

"Ok." said Eph, smiling at Cal. "Later is good for me."

"Great...would you consider meeting me at the lake? Say about a candlemark after the meeting?" asked Callisto.

"Alright. At the lake. See you then..." said the amazon as she strode out the door.

Callisto stood rooted to the spot for a good quarter candlemark, trying to make sense out of the just passed occurence. She was attracted to the regent, that much was obvious to her. But just how she got herself into this date thing was beyond her comprehension. "Since when did I become so sappy?" she thought. Indeed, her mind was racing with the problem of creating a romantic meeting for that afternoon. She hadnt a clue as to how to go about it. She pulled on her boots and left the hut in search of Xena.

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Ephiny was hurriedly crossing the compound, her eyes darting frantically in search of the bard.

She snapped her fingers...."Of course, the dining hall!" she muttered to herself as she headed that way.

She strode through the doors and seeing Gabrielle across the room, proceeded to cover the distance in three steps, grabbing the queen by the arm and literally hauling her out the back door...

"Hey! Eph!! Ouch....hey stop that's hurting me!" yelped Gabrielle as she frantically tried to loosen the regents' grip on her bicep. "What's going on??"

"Gabrielle....I need to talk with you ALONE! Right now! We need to go somewhere more private..." stated Ephiny as she once again tried dragging the bard away, and spotting the barn, headed that way.

"EPH stop right now!" ordered Gabrielle, stamping her foot down to emphasize her unwillingness to be used as a potato sack. "I am not going anywhere until you shed some light on this wacko behaviour of yours."

Ephiny stopped, sighed and looked up at the sky. She threw her hands up and said "Fine Gabrielle. Fine. Ok I'll tell you...."

The bard crossed her arms and smirked at her small triumph.

"I kissed her Gabrielle. I kissed her! And for the life of me I can't explain what possessed me!" blurted the regent.

Gab's look of smugness turned into a look of curiosity. "Kissed who Eph?? Is that what has you so weirded out? I mean, i always thought kissing was a good thing...."

Ephiny got an exhasperated look on her face and began pacing.....then she turned to face the bard...

"Callisto. I kissed Callisto." she looked away embarassed.

Now the look of curiosity on Gabrielle's face turned into a look of complete disbelief....

"Callisto???" whispered the bard. Ephiny shook her head. "Ephiny....Oh my Gods!" And the bard began giggling uncontrollably.

That was enough to almost make the regent burst into tears, and Gabrielle saw it on her face.

"Oh.....Eph....Gods....I'm sorry! Heeeeey...." She put her arm around the amazon, and they both sat down on a nearby boulder. "I'm not laughing at you Eph really. I think it's wonderful! If anyone could be good for Cal, it's you...and besides, I mean....she's damn sexy!" stated the bard. Then quieter...."Don't tell Xena I said that ok?" She giggled. Ephiny smiled forlornly back at her. "So what's the problem then Eph?" she asked.

"Oh I don't know Gabrielle....that's just it! I'm so confused...I shouldn't be lusting after her! I mean, she hurt you in the past, hurt Xena, this village....." she paused and took a deep breath. "Why her? Why me? And why did it have to feel soooo good....." She sighed.

"We don't have answers for all our questions Ephiny. Sometimes you just have to 'go with it' " said the bard, quoting one of her favorite lines. "It might never make sense, but what matters is you are happy. It's as simple as that. So how did Callisto react to all this?"

Ephiny blushed purple. "Ummmm...well she had a goofy look on her face for a second before she kissed me again."

"She kissed you back??? Gods Ephiny!!! Think of it...one day you can tell your grandchildren that you seduced a God!!" Gabrielle busted out laughing, and Eph couldn't help but join in. When they got their giggling under control, the bard continued...."So how was it?? Dooooo tell....."

"Gab....gods....ummm...it was like soft, sensuous, electrifying....i swear she made my stomach lurch in three directions at once! Where she touched me i was on fire. I couldn't move or breath...and the way she looked at me...." she gulped..."It would make even Xena blush."

"Hmmm, you just described the way I feel when Xena kisses me. Congratulations Ephiny, I think you just fell in love." stated the bard with a wry smile.

"L..L...Love? That's impossible! No one in their right mind....."

"And who ever said you had a "right" mind?" said the bard jokingly. She playfully slapped the regent on the stomach. "You worry too much."

Ephiny again looked exhasperated. "Gabrielle...I'm meeting her by the lake after the meeting this morning...I...I...I'm not sure what to say to her...."

"Like I said....you worry too much. Just be yourself and everything will be fine." said the bard. "You had better go get changed for your date 'Miss I'm-Too-Hot-For-My-Leathers'. You won't have time to later."

The regent smiled. "You're right. I'll see you at the meeting. Oh and Gabrielle?" said the amazon as she turned to leave..."Thanks for the pep talk."

"Anytime Eph....what are friends for?"

The bard watched her regent trudge away to the baths and couldn't hide the smile that plastered her face.

"Now where is Xena?" stated the bard.


Continued in Part 6.



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