Violence: No trying to quit.

Subtext/Sex: Now, if you've read my other stories that are titled almost the same, you'd know. However yes, this has sex and subtext.

Copyright: Good old Universal owns the wondrous partners, Xena and Gabrielle. But they definitely didn't write this story. ;-) My story line and so is the women with the white moustache.

Time Frame: Fifth season when Xena is in her normal leathers.

Note: Here I go again. A new member to the Talk About's. I couldn't help it at all. Came up with the story line in my head and was rolling with laughter. So, this is my first shot at a comedy story of sorts, well the beginning is comedy at least. Hope everybody finds a hoot out of this. So let's get to LGTDTTA?

If anybody has comments about my story please let me know at: redhope@redhope.net

Started: September 17^th 2000 Sunday
Ended: September 17^th 2000 Sunday

Series: Other

Section 1

~*Part 1*~

"Ah!" Gabrielle stomped ahead of her partner. Her hands came up to grab her short blond hair and pull it up in frustration. "Oh my gods," she growled lowly.

Xena raised both of her eyebrows. "Are you? having an issue?" She asked with a smirk behind her partner's back.

The small warrior rolled her eyes. "Yes!" She yelled and dropped her hands. Her hair was still partially sticking up straight. She kept walking briskly ahead of her friend on the road.

"And it is?" probed the warrior.

Gabrielle whirled around but walked backwards. "You wouldn't understand." She spun back around.

The Warrior Princess had an evil grin taking her lips. "Try me."

"Okay," said the small woman in anger. She whirled back around while walking backwards. "I'm really horny right now Xena and? and?" Her teeth gritted together while her hands fisted up. "And the fact that you're so sexy isn't helping me out!" She ran her hands through her hair. "So? can I still try you?"

The warrior stopped walking.

The young warrior stopped walking but still facing her friend. "Hey, you offered."

"You know that's not what I meant." The tall woman put her hands on her hips. "I don't think so." She pointed a finger at Gabrielle. "Control yourself."

"Who said anything about control?" The warrior-bard bent down to extract a sai. "I mind as well use the hilt of my sai!"

"Gabrielle, give me your sais." Xena laughed a little. "Don't do it."

The Amazon Queen wagged her sai's hilt in the air. "Come on Xena, let's have sex."

"No," growled the warrior.

"Oh come on." The short warrior bent to sheath her sai. She stood back up. "You know you want me." She laughed with a grin. "Let's have platonic sex."

"Platonic?" The warrior's eyes widen. "There's no such thing as platonic sex! Its an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp."

"Okay? casual sex?"

"Sorry." Xena had a huge smirk. "I don't do casual."

"Even better." Gabrielle strolled to her best friend. "Let's do wild sex." Her hands grasped the older woman's hips. "Make a lot of noise and scream our names all hours of the night." She pressed her body into Xena's. "Oooh, I can feel it now."

The Warrior Princess gazed down with twinkling eyes. She felt the heat of everything. How couldn't she?

"Our hot and sweaty bodies rubbing against each other." The small woman's left hand let go of the leather clad hip. Her hand came up to go behind Xena's head. "Come on Xena, help me out? and yourself." She grinned while pulling her friend's head down.

Xena decided not to resist, only intoxicate. For her warm lips met soft small lips. She quickly found the kiss going incredible strong with a lot of tongue action. Her hands now decided to move. One going to the warrior-bard's waist the other behind Gabrielle's head. She pressed the kiss on more.

They both pulled back with heavy breathing and heavy desires.

Gabrielle still was grinning ever so cleverly. "You, me, and our fingers. Let's go."

The warrior laughed and slowly brought her head back down.

The younger warrior narrowed her sparkling eyes.

Xena brought her lips scant inches to Gabrielle's. "Save it." She released her partner and brushed past her.

"Save it!" roared the small warrior. She spun around to stare at Xena, whom was walking away. "You know, I'd like to use my hands for other things then fighting!"

"Good!" The warrior was grinning to herself as she kept walking.

The small woman growled to herself while her eyes narrowed at Xena's back. "I'll get my fingers in you yet," she mumbled as she started walking.

~*~*~*~

Well, that was late afternoon for our characters. They'd made it past that small? needy moment without taking extreme measures. However as we know, the only time sex acts come up is when Xena and Gabrielle show around in our reading. And this reading happened to be one of the worst synopses yet.

So moving right along our sex driven characters make it to a small town. Just a small simple run of the mill town that is always read about. They make it into another average inn, not that it really matters. Sitting down they had a blain dinner with not so bad wine.

Gabrielle poked at her rice. She lifted her eyes to Xena with a huge grin. "I like rice that sticks together."

The warrior corked an eyebrow.

The small woman shrugged while her eyes fell to the rice again. She poked a little more while saying, "I don't like slimy rice."

The older woman chuckled while drinking some of her wine.

The warrior-bard dropped her fork into the plate. She started gazing around and spotted a male warrior about her age. She raised an eyebrow at him while inspecting his body.

"He's not bad," whispered the Warrior Princess. She was staring at the same warrior.

"That's what I was thinking too." The small warrior stared at the man and then realized what her friend said. "What?" Her head whipped towards Xena. "Hey, I saw him first."

"Pffft." Xena sighed dramatically. "He'd take me first before you."

"Oh, just shove it Xena," whispered the younger woman.

"Hmmm." Xena nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I need to shove something." She turned her head to Gabrielle with the evilest of smirks. "I'm feeling a little warm here."

"A lot here." The young woman nodded while staring at the male warrior.

"Wait." Xena held up her hand. She leaned towards her partner. "You saying your? fuzzy is warmer than mine?"

Gabrielle's eyes widen as she turned her head to her best friend. She chuckled and responded, "I'm saying my fuzzy is warmer than it use to be-- I use to have a cold and dry fuzzy which is now warm and damp."

The older woman sat back with a laugh. "Okay, this is someplace I definitely didn't want to go." She shook her head. "Keep your cold damp fuzzy to yourself."

The Amazon Queen gave a hurt look. "Won't you miss me when I'm gone?"

Xena laughed again. "You? Yes. Your warm damp fuzzy? No."

The short woman sighed overly dramatically. "Just no appreciation for fuzzies." She started gazing around the tavern again. She spotted a woman standing up from a seat. "Hey Xena look." She pointed a little. "She looks like she's got a white moustache."

"Yeah? she's got milk on her lips," suggested the warrior.

Gabrielle laughed evilly while turning her head to Xena again. "Welllll she's got something on her lips anyway."

The Warrior Princess bursted out laughing with her friend. She settled back down and faintly shook her head. "You've got it bad."

The small warrior grumbled in agreement. "I know," she whispered. "Always seems to happen after having my? fertile week."

The older woman snickered quietly. "I hear you."

The Amazon Queen grinned and propped her right elbow on the table while settling her chin into her hand. "Ssso, what your plans tonight?"

Slowly an eyebrow went up. "Gabrielle, they don't include you."

"Mmm, no just my fingers and tongue? right?" Gabrielle batted her eyes.

Xena groaned. "This is not good," she ushered.

"Okay fine." The warrior-bard sat back in her seat. "I'll just? masturbate."

The tall woman's mouth dropped. "Gabrielle," She growled lowly with twinkling eyes.

"Hey, I need some satisfaction around here." The small woman shrugged. "You're not helping me out." She narrowed her eyes with a grin." And don't knock masturbation because it's sex with someone I love."

"I can't believe this," grumbled the dark woman. "I need a new partner."

"Well you ain't getten anybody better babe." Gabrielle stood up. "Let's go for a walk."

"Sure." The warrior stood and tossed five dinars on the table. She strolled out of the inn with her partner. When she got out of the inn she asked, "Since when were you talking about sex? let alone to me?"

"Well." Gabrielle smiled up to her friend. "Sex is a beautiful thing between two people."

Xena chuckled a little as she headed down the streets.

"But with five it's fantastic." The small warrior closed her eyes in the thought. "Oooh yeah."

"N-n-no, I can't share." The Warrior Princess folded her arms against her chest.

"Really?" The small warrior walked a little closer to the warrior. "Why not?"

The older woman gazed down. "Depends." She dropped her arms. "If it's somebody I love-"

"Then you can't share huh?" Gabrielle nodded. "I totally agree." Her head started bobbing. "I've done that, not that I'm complaining." She held her hands up. "But?" She dropped her hands while walking. "I wouldn't mind trying a threesome."

"Who wouldn't mind?" The warrior snickered with a grin. "With who?"

"Mmm, good question." The Amazon Queen began to really consider. "Definitely you." She paused while thinking. "Maybe Ares if he wasn't such a jerk."

Xena laughed deeply while seeing the tiny market of the town come into view. "What about Draco?"

"Hades no." Gabrielle shivered. "He's your type? not mine."

"Joxer?"

"Xena!" The small woman narrowed her eyes. "I do not need nightmares tonight. Do you understand me?"

The warrior laughed then smiled contently. "Are there any other? adventures you want to try?"

The short warrior actually thought about this one again. "Stripping." She nodded a few times. "Get a little drunk then strip in front of the person slowly." A small shiver rippled through her body. "Oh love that idea."

The older woman ran her right hand through her hair. She felt small beads of water roll down her back into her leathers.

"How about you?" Gabrielle peered up with a grin. She felt the breeze cool her body slightly.

"Ooh, I have a few." Xena evilly grinned.

"I know that." The small woman bumped Xena. "Care to share?" She gazed ahead to study the market that they walked through.

"I like to keep them a secret," ushered the warrior.

The small warrior narrowed her eyes while asking, "Okay, give me? three people whom you would love to have sex with."

"Hold on." Xena held up a hand while gazing down. "That I have had or haven't had?"

"Either." The Amazon Queen shrugged. "Just your three favorite have or haven't had sex with. Like if right now you could pick three people out of the world to have sex with, who would it be?"

The Warrior Princess started to laugh deeply. "There's really only one I would want."

"Okay, so who?"

"I can't quite remember her name."

Gabrielle's expression dropped. "You're telling me you can't remember the person's name that you want to have sex with?" She shook her head. "What is that?"

Xena's eyes went dark as her lips shifted into a huge grin. Her expression said everything.

"Wait." The small woman narrowed her eyes. "Does she happen to be short?"

"Vertically challenged, yup."

The younger woman's tongue ran across her molars. "Right." She smirked. "Short blond hair?"

"Oh yeah."

"Green eyes?"

"Uh huh."

"From Potidaea?"

"Yup."

"Uses sais?"

"The same."

"And does she just drive you crazy?"

"Crazy isn't the word for it."

Gabrielle turned to the left. "Follow me." She walked into a back alley between two homes.

It was early evening with small rays of lights making things faintly visible.

The warrior was grinning as she followed. As soon as she entered the alley she had her lips and breath taken away.

The Amazon Queen pulled back from the kiss with a smile. "That was nice." She let go of the older woman and walked past her. "It?s a two finger night!" she yelled while strolling out of the alleyway.

Xena quietly laughed while turning around. "Try a four finger night." She came out to the streets to see her friend heading back for the tavern. She kept following and watched Gabrielle's body with hungry eyes. When she made it up to the hallway leading to their room she saw the door to their room open. She strolled in to only have her partner's body pressing against hers. She kicked the door closed.

"Let's see how long we can go for." Gabrielle grasped her warrior's hips. "How's that sound?"

"Sounds like a good plan." The warrior chuckled while lowering her head to kiss her warrior.

The younger warrior during the kiss slowly turned their bodies so that Xena's back was to the bed. She got her warrior to walk backwards towards the bed. After the long warm kiss ended she pushed Xena onto the bed to sit. "Ditch the weapons."

The older woman corked an eyebrow while grabbing her new chakram. She tossed it to the floor as she watched her partner bend down to unsheathe her sais. Reaching behind the sword came off and was tossed on top of the chakram.

Gabrielle spun her sais turned towards the wall and threw them hard.

The sais soared, sunk square into the wall, and swayed.

Turning back to the older woman, Gabrielle took a few steps to her. She bent forward to dig her knees into the bed as she straddled Xena's hips. Pressing her body into Xena's, she ran her hands through the dark hair and leaned in to kiss the warrior powerfully.

Xena moaned in the kiss as she felt her friend's hips grind into hers. Oh yeah, this is where she wanted to be right now if not farther down.

Gabrielle pulled back from the kiss and bounced up onto her feet. She stepped back three times with a huge grin.

The older woman had an intent look while leaning back with her hands behind her back.

The small warrior quietly laughed and bent down to untie her boots. She chucked them out of the way. She felt the excitement tearing through her body that left her burning. Hands to the hips she slid them across her stomach and over her thighs. With slow gate she came up to Xena again. Bending forward, her hands pressed hard down onto the warrior's legs. Her eyes lowered to her warrior's level. "You, me on you, and this bed later."

"Done." Xena grinned.

"You mean, going to be done." Gabrielle grinned while lifting herself up a little but paused in her movement to let her cleavage be studied. After a moment she backed up again and slid her hands over her stomach to slip under her top. She carefully pulled her top over her head and shook her head to straighten her hair out. Her top went reeling to the floor near her boots.

The warrior sat up with her hands resting on her thighs.

The short blond chuckled and moved to sit in her partner's lap.

Xena moved in for a strong kiss. She then trailed her lips down her small warrior's neck to her breasts. With her hands, tongue, and hot lips she began to tease the full breasts.

Gabrielle threw her head back with a moan. She ran her hands through Xena's hair. Her body moved back and forth a little.

The Warrior Princess cupped one breast to take the nipple into her mouth for a few moments. She then brought her mouth to the other breast.

The small warrior was still moaning and she brought her head down some. "Let's do this rough, Xena." She shut her eyes as teeth closed over a nipple. "Come on Xena." She dug her hips into Xena's hips.

The warrior lifted her head with a small growl. She took Gabrielle's lips in a furious kiss. She stood up with her partner slipping out of her lap. Backing the warrior-bard up, she slammed her into the wall. She collected Gabrielle's hands and spread them up against the wall. Her body pressed hard into the smaller body. "Rough?"

"Yess," hissed the young woman. "Dominate me."

Xena had no problem with that and she made it known in the controlling kiss. Her right knee came pressing into the small warrior's center.

Gabrielle groaned and tried pushing the stronger woman off for a thrill. She made things harder for Xena pressed her knee more into her.

The warrior ended the kiss and brought her lips quickly to her partner's breasts again.

The Amazon Queen tried arching her breasts into her warrior's mouth.

The older woman finally released Gabrielle's hands and brought them to the skirt. Xena continued heightening the smaller woman by her breasts. She felt that powerful passion tearing through her. She quickly removed Gabrielle's skirt and threw it out of the way. Then she sensed Gabrielle's arms going around her body.

The small woman began to move a little off the wall. She suddenly found herself rammed back against it. A large hand pressed against her stomach. Primal blue eyes locked with hers which only caused a tingeing of fear course through her. She gritted her teeth while the sweat rolled down her body. "Control me Xena." She grinned with hooded eyes.

Xena tilted her head a little but leaned in to kiss her deeply. Her free hand went down to signal Gabrielle to widen her legs.

The warrior-bard did just that then locked her knees. She sucked in a deep breath when her warrior pulled back from the strong kiss.

The warrior bent down with her right hand still pressing Gabrielle at the stomach. Her mouth closed over the hot wet center.

The heat tore through the young warrior. She rocked her hips into the warrior's mouth. Her right hand was on Xena's head as she pressed the warrior's head into her sex. She could feel the warm tongue running through her folds. It sent her head back against the wall.

The dark woman kept her hand over Gabrielle's hot and sweaty stomach. She didn't think her leathers could ever stick to her this much. But she was more concerned about making this a perfect sex scene. She pressed her mouth more up and sucked harder. Her left hand curled around the small waist to grab Gabrielle's ass. She pulled Gabrielle more in.

"Oh gods." The small woman moaned and closed her eyes. "Gods." She slowly lowered her head to watched Xena with blurred eyes. "Harder," she growled. Passion ripped through from Xena's teeth closing over her clit with a snip. "Xena," she growled.

Xena was pushing hard and finally inserted her tongue into Gabrielle.

The small warrior felt her back rubbing up and down against the wall a little. Her eyes closed slowly. She pressed the other woman's head into her sex harder. The tongue she felt was going through her leaving her with rises.

The Warrior Princess pulled back and rose up. She pounded her body into Gabrielle's again. She dove in for a demanding kiss.

Gabrielle was hardly able to deliver in the kiss due to the lack of air. When Xena pulled back she dropped her head against the wall while tasting herself on the lips.

The tall woman bent her body back and quickly slipped two fingers into Gabrielle.

"Thank the gods," rasped the small woman. She felt her warrior controlling her. The fingers pumping in and out of her hard. Her back rubbing against the wall faster.

Xena leaned into to kiss her small warrior. But she didn't make the kiss to strong.

Gabrielle easily met the demand. Her hands soon grasped her warrior's hips.

The warrior pulled back from the warm kiss with a grin.

The Amazon Queen moaned deeply with her head back against the wall again. She peered down to see Xena's fingers going in and out of her sex. She glanced up to see Xena giving a wild grin. It made a smile crease Gabrielle's lips as she squeezed her warrior's waist.

The older woman slowed her fingers' movement to slide a third finger in.

The small woman groaned and moved her hands up to Xena's shoulders. "Fast Xena," she growled.

Xena's pace went rapid leaving even herself heavily breathing.

Gabrielle kept a tight hold of her partner's shoulders while grinding her hips down into her lover's hand. She threw her head back against the wall.

The warrior narrowed her eyes then held onto her warrior's shoulder as well with her free hand. She watched her right hand move quickly up and down inside of Gabrielle. She now easily slipped a fourth finger in.

The short blond's eyes went tightly closed.

Xena mouth was slightly parted so she could breathe. She could feel all of her partner's essence over her fingers and hand.

Gabrielle felt herself slipping. She was hitting the peak of her climax. Her head was spinning with passion.

The Warrior Princess was giving hard thrusts. Her hand left Gabrielle's shoulder to wrap around the small waist for future support.

It was a good idea. Gabrielle felt herself disappear into the strength of her climax. "Xena," bursted from her lips. She moaned and started sliding down the wall.

Xena didn't let it happen. She slipped her fingers out carefully and pulled her lover in safely.

The young warrior stayed slumped in the warrior's arms like a rag doll as she began to find her way back. The climax was like bursting from deep water to breathe. Her heart still pounded with the beads of sweat rolling down her body. Her head stayed buried in her lover's chest.

The warrior was still silent while holding her partner.

Gabrielle shivered the passion out a little and lifted her head. She leaned in to tenderly kiss the warrior. When she pulled back she had a huge smile. "That?" she rasped with a shake of her head. "Is the last time I tell you I'm that?" She laughed a little. "That? needy." She shook her head at her own word.

The dark woman brushed back Gabrielle's wet bangs with a chuckle. "Glad I solved your? issue."

"Oh me too." The Amazon Queen leaned into Xena again to seeming hug her. She repeated, "Me too," quietly. She grinned while letting her left hand slide over her lover's thigh. "Now, I have different needs."

"So I'm feeling," whispered the warrior. She shut her eyes as small fingers traced closer to her center.

"Uh huh." Gabrielle grinned to herself while kissing Xena's neck. "Just hold on, this will take a few."

"Oh Hades," whispered the warrior.