DISCLAIMER: The characters of Gabrielle and Xena are the property of Universal, MCA, and Renaissance Pictures. This story is a work of fan fiction, and is in no way intended for profit, simply for enjoyment. It is based on the episode "One Against an Army" and takes place shortly after the episode. I'm working on the assumption that it does in fact take place chronologically after both "Maternal Instincts" and "The Bitter Suite," simply because the narrative works out much better that way.

SUBTEXT: There is no such thing as subtext here. That's why it's called "alternative" fan fiction. Yes, Xena and Gabrielle are in love with each other; therefore, this story concerns a romantic relationship between two consenting adult women. There is no sex depicted in the story, although there is a healthy dose of physical expressions of love between them.

E-mail comments to: IndiGrrl@mail.gn1.net

     The fire crackles as I lay another log on it, and a few sparks fly up into the night. I stand and walk around it, and kneel by the prone form of the bard, who lies wrapped in her blankets with a dreamy, peaceful expression on her face. I can't express my relief at knowing that I can wake up in the morning, and that those beautiful green eyes will indeed open and gaze at me with all the love and devotion I've come to know so well.
     
     Words don't come easily to me. They never have. I don't know how to harness all these thoughts and feelings that tumble about inside my head and put them into coherent speech. Here inside me, though, all these years of churning emotions and memories, terrible and beautiful alike, are perfectly, even painfully clear. No, words have never been among my many skills; that talent belongs to the precious young girl-young woman rather-who lies here beside me now.
      "How are you feeling?" I ask gently, brushing a few stray locks of her golden hair, glistening in the firelight, back from her forehead.
      "Fine," she assures me in a whisper. "I feel great. But remember, you still owe me that new pair of boots." Her eyes twinkle merrily with the light jest as she smiles up at me, reaching a hand up to caress the side of my face. That single gesture is so full of love that tears spring to my eyes despite myself. She must have noticed, because she shifts and sits up, resting her head against my leg.
      Slowly, so as not to jar her, I ease myself into a sitting position and wrap my arms around her, careful to avoid the wound in her shoulder. She lays her head against my chest, and I kiss her hair softly, breathing in its familiar, welcome scent. "This is the second time I've almost lost you, Gabrielle," I admonish teasingly. You've got to stop doing this to me!"
      "Funny, I seem to recall saying something like that to you once!" she retorts. "I get your point, though. Are we even yet? After that incident with Talmadeus, and . . ."
      I have to laugh at that. Leave it to Gabrielle to joke about it now-never mind that just hours ago, she was on the brink of death! "I think so," I tell her. "I think so. But you've still gotta stop doing this to me."
      "It's a deal, warrior." She chuckles and seals the deal by capturing my lips in a long, sweet kiss, tightening her arms about my waist. "I'll do my best not to go and almost die on you again."
      "See that you don't." My throat tightens as I continue, "I don't want to lose you, Gabrielle. You're the best-"
      "The best thing that ever happened to you. I know." She smiles, kissing me again.
      "That's right. But don't you go and get a big head over that. Now get some sleep. You may be out of danger now, but you've been through a lot today and you still need to rest. I'm not taking any chances with you." I ease her back down to the bedroll and tuck the blankets snugly about her. "I'll be along in a few minutes. I still have a couple of things to do." I kiss her one more time. "I love you, Gabrielle." Words never come easy to me, but those four, I find, I can say with no effort.
      "And I love you too, Xena." She's tired, as she has every reason to be, because no sooner have those words left her mouth, accentuated with a lovely little smile, than she is sound asleep. Her breathing is soft and regular, her face peaceful and flushed only by the warmth from the fire. For that, I am thankful.
      She almost died today. I'm still reeling from the shock of it. When that damned Persian soldier shot her in the back with the poisoned arrow, he may as well have shot me, because I don't know who felt it more keenly. Seeing the arrow lodge in her back, witnessing her agony as I had to push it through her shoulder . . . I didn't need to see her wince or hear her cry out to understand her pain, because I felt it. The bond between us is that strong.
      Oh, Gabrielle . . . when I think about how close I came to losing her today, I feel as though I'm looking at a vision of my own death. I remember the story she told me once, the same one she told Iolaus, while Hercules and I were off freeing Prometheus. She said that people are each one half of a whole being-that there is someone out there for each of us who is the other half of our soul. And she's the other half of my soul. I know this. If I lost her, I don't know what I'd do.
     When I think back a little farther, to all the things we went through since that trip to Chin, I realize that our close call today is really nothing in comparison. I'm amazed it all happened, and even more amazed that we even pulled through it. But no matter how hard I find it to believe that we could ever hate each other as much as we did in those days after Solan . . . and Hope . . . died, the fact remains that we made it through. And that, more than anything, convinces me of how right she is for me. Beneath the gentle exterior of the village girl from Poteidaia, there's enough love and inner strength to face up to all my demons. I just hope she realizes that, to its full potential, someday.
      Sharpening my sword on the other side of the fire, I watch her as she sleeps, and I am so glad to see that all the torment I saw in her face earlier is gone now. All I see is a calmness, and that cherished innocence I fight so hard to preserve.
      Innocence. Oh gods, her blood innocence. It's gone now, cruelly ripped away from her in that terrible time in Britannia. That was my fault, and I can admit it now. My blind hatred for Caesar is what led us there, and left me to abandon her to Khrafstar and Meridian and their vile god. They used her, deceiving her into staining her hands with blood for the first time, making that first kill I never wanted her to make, all in order to bring Dahak's evil into the world. My sweet Gabrielle . . . my lust for revenge made me lose sight of my love for you. And look what happened because of that.
      But never mind. That's all in the past now, like I said earlier today. We've forgiven each other for that dark time, and I don't want the echoes to start again. They have a way of resonating out of control, as we learned in Illusia. I fear that we will never completely put them to rest, but there's no need to try and stir them up.
      This girl amazes me. Sometimes I can't believe that her faith in me is so strong. In her poison-induced delirium earlier, she whispered to me, "You gotta take me with you, teach me everything you know . . ." I remember those exact words from the first time we met, when she was a young girl in awe of the warrior who'd saved her village. A fateful time. I didn't want her to come with me then, but she persisted. And now look what's happened to us. That little tagalong has become my soulmate, my lover, my dearest friend. She's kept me on the path of redemption, kept me from completely losing myself to my darkness, on more occasions than I care to name. Maybe not all the echoes from the past are meant to be forgotten, after all.
      She wanted to learn from me, and so she has. But does she realize how much she's taught me in return? I was ready to abandon Athens to the Persian invaders in order to save her life, but in that stubborn way she has, she persuaded me to stay and fight. Her conviction in fighting for the greater good is something she learned from me, but when I lost sight of that in the face of her death, she reminded me of it again and taught me a new lesson about courage. When the prospect of her death was terrifying me, she was willing to accept it, for the sake of all Athens. And that, more than anything, gave me the strength to go on fighting.
      I inspect my sword's newly sharpened edge in the dimming firelight and find it to my satisfaction, then slide it into the scabbard with a nod. One last inspection around our camp and I feel safe enough, so I bank the fire and get ready to go to sleep. I unbuckle my armor and lay it by the bedroll, careful as always to keep it, and my sword, within reach. Gently, I ease the edge of the blankets away from Gabrielle and crawl into the bedroll with her. She shifts, likely sensing my presence, and snuggles into me; I wrap my arms around her and hold her close, still mindful of her shoulder wound.
      "I love you, Gabrielle," I murmur one last time, kissing the top of her head. I wrap my arms tightly about her as I gaze at her face, peaceful and happy in sleep. It's a habit I've picked up-I want to etch those features into my mind, so the last thing I see before I drift off to sleep is her. It helps me fight the nightmares that visit me every time I surrender myself to sleep.
      I smile sleepily as my eyes close, my every thought and feeling focused on the young woman who slumbers in my arms. She's everything to me; my heart and my soul both belong to Gabrielle of Poteidaia, the bard, the Amazon Queen. I don't know if I ever realized just how much she taught me until today, when I almost lost her. Hard to believe that it took the shot of a single poisoned arrow to drive that point home.