~ How To Steal A Million Revisited ~
by Ri


This was a lark that turned into a story; it is based on one of my favorite comedies reflected in the title above. This is basically a tribute to a film that gave me so much pleasure, no right infringements intended toward 20th Century Fox or The Fabulous Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole, This is not an exact telling of the movie that would be boring this is meant only as a loving reflection of it. I also made the new heroines in this story after a couple of ladies we all know and love. Please enjoy.

You can e-mail me at: Sarrabi@Hotmail.com


How To Steal A Million Revisited
by Ri


Kate lay in her bed reading the latest murder mystery, which was probably the wrong choice since every bump in the night made her jump under her covers. Her father was at an exhibit opening and she was completely alone in the house and her nerves were a bit rattled.

Suddenly she heard a noise that came from the front foyer of they're New York penthouse. She got out of bed and snuck half way down the stairs. Before her eyes was a tall figure who was inspecting each of her father's paintings, well forgeries really. Her father was a fourth generation forger one of the best in the business. The Retinue collection was all fakes. Great fakes to be sure, almost impossible to spot fakes, but fakes none the less.

The thief had taken down a perfect copy of a Renoir. Kate carefully took down her Great Grandfather's dueling pistol that was mounted on the wall of the staircase. She very shakily pointed it toward the thief.

"Don't move, "She nervously blurted.

The thief whirled around and Kate nearly dropped the gun. There before her was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and Kate was captured by the gaze of the woman's sky blue eyes.

***** Nat Miller was a world renowned art expert and criminologist. She was hired to find out once and for all if Mr. Retinue was a great collector as he was well know as; or an art forger as her client suspected. Her client was an old friend of Retinue's and didn't want to see the old fool go to jail, He merely wanted to satisfy his suspicions.

Nat nearly fell over when she saw the angelic figure before her. She was very slight with pixish short blonde hair and a very short, very revealing pink nighty.

"Believe me I won't, But can I put this down the frame is a little heavy?"

The blonde nervously nodded her head and the gun wavered in her shaky little hand. Nat could have easily gotten the gun but she didn't want to end this...yet. "It's very beautiful. I am sorry but you do have so many beautiful paintings I didn't think you'd miss just this one."

A tiny bit of a smile appeared on the girl's pretty face, "Uh, Why did you pick that one?"

Nat shrugged, "It was the handiest."

"Oh..." Oh my, That's father's fake Renoir. I simply can't call the police. She thought in a panic. She cocked her head looking at the tall and beautiful thief and then the fake. "Uh, I'll let you..."She waved the gun and some how it went off grazing the thieves arm slightly.

The girl fainted, Nat smiled.

***** Kate woke up on the couch in the living room. The thief stood over her with concerned blue eyes, she had an amused and ironic twist to the slight smile on her lips. "Hey, I'm the one who was just shot, remember?"

"Oh," Kate sat up and led the thief to the bathroom to care for her shoulder. As Nat entered the bathroom after Kate, she took off her black shirt to reveal a very feminine bra and incredible body. Kate could barely breath due the beauty before her eyes but she began to carefully clean the wound. Nat grinned and exaggerated the pain as the beautiful blonde cleaned her wound.

Kate wasn't stupid, she could see the woman was playing on her sympathies. The problem was that she was both sympathetic and attracted to the thief.

"Oh, will you please stop being such a big baby. It's just a flesh wound you must be used to them by now?"

"Hey, it's my flesh! And just for your information very few society burglars get shot at."

"Are those the rules?"

"No, It is just the way it usually goes. What on earth was that old thing you shot me with anyway?"

"Civil war dueling pistol." She replied as she helped Nat back into her shirt gently. "All set. Now go."

"I'd be happy to, but how?" She asked the young woman with a smug smirk.

"What do you mean, how?"

"My arm, I really can't drive and I can't take a cab at this hour of night. Way too many questions, you know...So?"

Kate grimaced, "Ok...fine...I'll drive you. "She stomped over to her closet to get her coat. "Where exactly am I driving you to?"

"The Plaza."

"The Plaza?" She asked in a startled high-pitched voice. She breathed and calmed herself down so she could ask in a normal tone, "You're a very chic burglar aren't you?"

"Yep, Oh one more thing before you go to sleep would you mind wiping off that painting for finger prints?" She asked with a charming lopsided grin.

Kate looked at the other woman incredulously; "Sure, and I suppose you want me to kiss you goodnight, too?"

Nat's grin broadened as she walked over to the petite young beauty," Well I don't usually on a first acquaintance but since you've been so sweet I'll make an exception to my rule." With a sweeping movement Nat had Kate in an embrace and the kiss that followed shocked them both. It seared right through to their hearts, deep into their very souls. It seemed to be like an electrical shot that left them both feeling almost faint. They were dazed as they parted and gazed into each other's eyes in astonishment.

*****

Mr. Retinue went into his living room and flopped on his couch, flushed with his triumph at the opening in Soho. His great masterpiece was a sensation and he was full of glee as he watched his daughter stumble in from the foyer still dazed from her encounter with Nat.

"Kathryn, Why are you dressed in a nightie and coat...?"

His daughter squeaked as she ran to him, "Oh Daddy, we were burgled..."

"What?" He asked both shocked and scared, "Are you ok, Sweetheart?"

"Sort of, Oh Daddy, It was so horrible. She tried to steal your Renoir. Then I shot her so I had to drive her home and she kissed me! Oh Daddy, she was just horrible!" She explained as she cried into her father's arms.

Retinue loved and knew his daughter well. He knew the way her head was working, "Tell me, Sweetheart, What did this horrible woman look like?"

She sniffed and pulled back taking his hanky and wiping her eyes and nose. "She was tall, strikingly beautiful, with the most incredible blue eyes and a lovely smile...In a mean and menacing way of course, Daddy. I mean she acted like I meant to shoot her..."

"Did she molest you?"

A tiny little grin and a vague look appeared on her face as she shook her head no, "Not much."

*****

Nat sat at her desk carefully studying the tiny pieces of paint she scraped off the Renoir. She got up to answer the door. She was wearing black jeans and a black cotton T-shirt she looked very sleek not at all like a scientist she was suppose to be.

"Well?" Asked that handsome older man as he strode into her hotel suite.

"Well what?" She asked with a grin as she crossed the room to get a drink.

"Is it or isn't it?"

"Memorex?" She asked with a smile leaning against the bar.

"Natalie Miller, Is it a fake?"

"How the hell do I know? I just got started on it. Why on earth is this so damn important to you anyway? Is uh....Is the daughter involved in this¼at all?" She needed to know. Nat knew it was wrong but she would protect that girl no matter what.

"Kathryn, No she's an innocent. The forgers in that family goes from father to son, Like a fortune or something."

"So why do you want to know?" Relief washed through her as she realized that the beautiful girl she kissed was not involved.

"Let's just say its for my own sanity. He cares nothing for money. He rarely sells them. His joy is fooling the experts like his father before him. I ...I just want to know if my theory is right." "Well I don't know yet so good-bye Larry. I'll let you know when I know." She said briskly as she led him hurriedly out the door. After the door closed she walked over to the window and stared outside at the New York skyline, "Just as soon as I know what it will do his daughter." She said quietly to herself with a determined look on her face.

*****

Natalie walked slowly into the Russian TeaRoom, She wore slim black pants and silk midnight blue blouse that made her striking eyes sparkle. She wore her long black hair in a simple pony tail which brought out her high cheek bones, She looked beautiful and casually elegant.

She walked right by the person who called to meet her at the famous restaurant. Kathryn was dressed in lace back cocktail dress her blonde hair was mostly hidden under a sleek black hat. There was sharp whistle and Nat turned around her eyes widening and she had to keep her mouth from falling open in pure shock. The cute and attractive girl from last night was a drop dead gorgeous woman this afternoon.

She walked over on slightly shaky legs and said in a whisper," I almost didn't recognize you."

"Oh?" Kate asked innocently.

"Yeah," said Nat slipping into the booth beside the young beauty. "I was surprised to get your voice mail. I was very pleased though. I had an impression that last night was...well..."

"I find I'm in need of a woman with your skills..."

A sexy smile crossed Nat's face, "Oh which skills?"

"This is a business deal, Miss Miller," Stated Kate a bit nervously. "I see, what kind of business?"

"I need you to pull off a heist."

Nat almost laughed out loud, "A heist?" She asked shocked.

"You know a job," said Kate exasperated.

"Oh, you mean a robbery." Said Nat with mock sincerity, sliding a little closer to Kate.

"Yes, I thought you would be interested in a big time caper," Sliding further in the booth and away from the distracting woman.

"What kind of caper?" Nat purred as she slid closer still.

"The Kelly Gallery,"

Real astonishment now played over Nat's features, "Why that Gallery? If I may ask?"

"I need you to steal the crystal panther."

"That...that's your father's" Replied the astonished woman.

"Of course, I'd never ask you to steal something that didn't belong to me."

"Oh, I see," Nat took a deep breath, This is nuts I should get up and walk away. But one look into those hopeful sea green eyes and Nat was a goner and she knew it. "Why?"

"Why?" Kate took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, Why does it matter why I want it stolen? Thought Kate desperately. "Yes, I think it's a logical question. Why steal your own statue? Why don't you wait till you get it home and then steal it? A nice safe inside job. I will help you with that, We could practice all night long." Nat added with a playful grin.

This woman is impossible! Kate thought angrily. She looked into those warm blue eyes, But damn it, I know I can trust her. She gave her head a little shake and looked at Nat in a scolding way as she said out loud, "This isn't a game, Its something I must do."

"Why?"

"I just do."

I am going to get up and leave this beautiful crazy woman right now... Nat thought with determination. Then she sighed knowing damn well that she was hooked and that there was no denying it to herself. She shook her head and said in a quiet charming voice, "I'll meet you at the Kelly Gallery at 2pm sharp tomorrow. Be on time." Giving in to the beautiful woman that she had dreams of all night long. She always knew she would give in but she tried to be logical but her heart ruled over her head everytime she looked into those mesmerizing eyes.

"Thank you."

"Your welcome¼ I think." Nat wondered if she was out of her mind.



Nat paced outside of The Kelly Gallery waiting for Kate to show up. Where is she? I told her to be on time. If she isn't here in five minutes then I'm out of here. Thought Nat to herself grimly as she continued to pace the sidewalk. She sighed, knowing damn well that she would wait as long as it took for the blonde to show up.

Suddenly a breathless body was beside her. Kate had run all the way from the corner of the block where the cab had dropped her. "I'm so sorry, I had the most persistent man call on me before I left and I couldn't get rid of him till I promised to marry him. Is it ok? Am I on time?" She said still trying to catch her breath.

"Let me understand you, You got yourself engaged in order to get here on time?" Nat asked stunned by the insane reasoning.

The blonde nodded her head as she leaned against the wall of the gallery trying to get her breath under control.

Nat shook her head in wonder and said, "Well we still have a few minutes to spare so if you'd like to go back and marry this guy?"

"Very funny, Come on lets go." Kate said taking Nat's arm and leading her into the gallery.

The Crystal Panther was beautiful. A perfect depiction of a panther and the Goddess Artemis in rose crystal quartz. The Goddess was stunning and for some strange reason she seemed familiar to Nat. She had seen the statue in books but this was the first time she had seen it so close. So why does she look so damn familiar? She thought to herself staring at the Goddess. She got as close as she could till the guard was beside her with a hand lightly on her shoulder. She smiled up at him and stepped back.

She then looked at her companion and then back at the statue and then at her companion again. Wait a minute? Her eyes widened as she stared at the green-eyed blonde.

Kate was pretty sure she knew exactly what had gotten under the tall beauty's skin. Her father did that statue in the 1950's and the model for it was her mother. "What?" She finally asked Nat.

"Maybe I'm nuts but I see a....resemblance."

"Your nuts. That statue was done in 1890."

"Where were you in 1890?" Nat asked with a smirk.

"I can't be sure, but I know I wasn't dressed like that." She said pointing toward the nude Goddess.

Nat's eyes glowed for an instant with a desire to see her companion just like that. "Well if not in that life time maybe in the next, huh?"

Kate's eyes widened as she realized what Nat was saying, "May I remind you that this is business."

"Ah, yes, business...Well lets get to work. Introduce me to the owner of the gallery."

"Why?"

"You'll see," Nat's eyes twinkled knowingly.

"You are the most smug and annoying woman I have ever met," Kate grumbled.

"Well if your going to hang out with us bad guys you get what you deserve. How do you like being a gangster moll?" She asked wiggling her eyebrows in the most horrible impression of Humphrey Bogart Kate had ever heard.

Kate rolled her eyes, "Come on." She took Nat's hand and led her to a distinguished older man. "Mr. Grimilli, This is my friend Natalie Miller. Nat this is an old friend of our family, Mr. Grimilli. He owns this Gallery."

Nat smiled her most dazzling smile, almost knocking Kate to the ground from the effect. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir."

"It's always a pleasure to meet friends of little Kate's here..."

"Mr. Grimilli...."

"Sorry Kate, You'll always be that pigtailed terror to me."

A deep blush settled over Kate's features that Nat felt very attracted to. Lets be honest, I'm attracted to this girl when she breathes. Nat thought with a shake of her head. Then an amusing thought flashed across her mind and she smiled into Kate's eyes and said, "Pigtails?"

"Forget he said that, Nat." Kate growled.

"Aww, it sounds so cute."

"It was," said the amused older gentleman.

"Ok, Ok, Enough memories, Mr. Grimilli. Nat, Didn't you want to ask him something?" Kate asked trying desperately to get off the current topic of discussion.

Nat had an exceedingly amused expression on her face as she asked innocently, "Did I?"

Kate growled and elbowed the annoying woman, "Yes."

Nat chuckled, "Oh yes, That's right. I was just wondering how you keep watch over so many beautiful things. I mean there are some very small objects here. How do you keep everything safe?" Her face and voice was so innocent that Kate stared in pure astonishment.

Mr. Grimilli was very pleased, Proud of his security he loved to show it off; as Nat knew he would be, "Well Natalie..."

"Call me Nat," Another dazzling smile.

He smiled back and his eyes twinkled, "Nat, Let me just show you how we do just that." He took her arm and began a long intricate speech about every security operation in his gallery. Nat winked at the shocked Kate as she followed willingly listening carefully to every single detail.

*****

"Well that was interesting." Kate said as she bit into a hotdog, "Why all the sudden interest in postcards?"

"Why? Thieves have friends too, you know." Nat answered chuckling. Then took a huge bite of her hotdog. Suddenly she spotted a street vendor that she wanted she handed her dog and coke to Kate. Then she ran after the man returning with a boomerang and a huge satisfied grin on her face.

Kate handed back the hotdog and coke, "Would you like me to buy you a rubber ducky for your bathtub too?" "Only if you'll share it with me," said Nat as she retook her food and sat down on the bench next to the smaller woman in the park.

"Business, Nat, Business."

"Not a second for monkey business, huh?"

"No, not even a second. What are you planning?"

Nat leaned back against the bench and looked around the park breathing deeply, "Take a long last look at the trees, grass and birds my friend. It may be a long time before you see them again. Of course I detest them personally so prison doesn't worry me. It could be ten years in prison for this are you sure you want it that much?"

"More...You do have a plan, don't you?"

"Yep, and I'll tell you..."She moved close so she was breathing gently against Kate's neck, "Me and my plan are going to go home to the Plaza and go to bed. Would you like to join us?" She asked with an upraised eyebrow.

Kate's hopeful face fell, "What do you mean?"

"I mean why? Why are you doing this? Why do you want risk your freedom for this?"

"I...can't ...tell you....that¼"She said crying her head was tilted down but Nat could see the tears and they broke her heart.

"Tears won't work. I don't break that easy," Nat said trying desperately to harden her heart, she was failing miserably and she knew it.

Kate was still looking down, the food forgotten on the bench she nodded her head and said quietly, "I know."

Nat took a deep breath and followed her heart. She reached out with both hands to the woman beside her gently wiping her tears with her thumbs. Then she lifted Kate's head by her chin and put her forehead against the smaller woman's saying quietly, "I'm an idiot, But meet here tomorrow at a quarter to six."

Kate pulled back slightly so she could see Nat's eyes, "Really?"

Nat's eyes softened even more, she kissed Kate's forehead and whispered, "Really."

******

Nat was happy to see Kate right on time. She smiled brightly at the younger Woman saying with a broad wink, "Didn't get engaged tonight, huh?"

"Ha, Ha, very funny."

"I didn't notice before it is a pretty ring. This guy has good taste in rings and...in fiancee's"

Kate blushed beet red.

"You're awfully cute when you blush."

Kate had to turn around to catch her breath. Nat smiled, "Come on, Let's get this over with." She held out a hand so Kate could see it. Kate grasped it willingly and they entered the gallery.

Once inside Nat asked the security guard where the bathroom was, though she of course remembered exactly where it was from her tour yesterday. Across the hall from the bathroom was a small room where all the security equipment was and next to the bathroom was a small utility closet. Nat quietly thanked whatever deity made it possible that the security cameras did not cover the back area.

They walked down the hall and just as Kate was about to open the door to the bathroom Nat grabbed her arm and dragged her into the closet. Kate was about to ask why they were stuffed inside the small closet when the closing bell sounded. Nat winked at her amused. Kate looked confused till it dawned on her that they would remain hidden till security locked up the gallery.

Suddenly they heard a click outside the door. Kate panicked but Nat got a hold of her quickly and held her close putting a gentle hand around Kate's mouth. She waited till the lights were turned off before she reluctantly let Kate go.

"Were locked in, What are we going to do?"

Nat smiled, "Calm down, we're fine."

"Fine, How are we going to accomplish anything locked in a closet?!" Nat's imagination whirled with the things the two of them could accomplish locked in a closet, "Calm down, Kate. We are fine. I do have a plan?"

"In a closet?"

"Well, that's another plan entirely. Do you know anything about Houdini?"

Trying to get her head around being trapped in a closet with this beautiful woman that she was already attracted to and the sudden change of subject she was barely able to a yelp out, "No."

Nat smiled and gently caressed her cheek, "Well my young friend, He said the trick to being locked inside a safe is that it's not set up for someone to unlock it from inside . The same holds true for this closet. Hold on to this and I'll take care of this lock." She said calmly placing a soft black bag that was rolled into her back pocket in Kate's hands. She took out a flashlight that she turned on and put around her neck and a lock pick.

Kate's eyes widened, "Your a Genius!"

Nat winked, "Yep."

Kate rolled her eyes and watched as Nat successfully picked the lock. "You did it."

"Did you doubt me?"

"No...But I...Nat, I really like you. I don't want anything to happen to you. Lets go....I'll...."

A gentle hand and soft kind blue eyes silenced her stuttering speech as she asked, "Then what will you do when Professor Marten comes to examine your million dollar baby?"

"What?"

"It's a fake, isn't it?"

Kate nodded and lowered her head.

"Who sculpted it?"

"My Father." "Who posed for it?"

"My Mother."

"Ah...Hence the resemblance..."

Kate's tear-filled eyes met Nat's, "How long have you known?"

"From the moment you asked me to steal it."

"Then why..."She was interrupted when she felt Nat embrace her and soft lips meet her own passionately. Then all she felt was pure bliss.

When they parted she looked up into sparkling blue eyes filled with love. "Oh, that's why...I'm very slow will you explain it to me again. Please?"

Nat gladly followed through till they had forgotten the closet, the panther, the professor, everything except each other.

*****

About 20 minutes later Nat was sitting on a stool and Kate was in her arms nestled on her lap.

"As wonderful as this is don't you think it would be a good idea if we got on with it?"

"Whatever you want, "Kate replied dreamily her head on Nat's shoulder.

"What I want is to develop this to the next logical step. I will not make love for the first time to the love of my life in a closet! So come on, let's got your million dollar baby and go." She gently pushed the smaller woman up and got up herself. Then she took her hand and pulled her across the way to the room with all the camera equipment. She then pulled the Postcard of the empty museum from the bag and timed it so it looked like that next camera frame on the time elapse camera, knowing she would have to fix the time on the film at a later date.

They went down the hall and she stopped Kate at the doorway to the gallery. She got out the boomerang and whispered, "Ok, I'll only be able to do this once. When I say your name run and grab the statue then come quickly back to me....please come back to me." She went from sounding like the professional she was to the pleading lover with a heartbreaking expression on her pretty face.

"Always."

Nat shook her head, "Ok, get ready," She aimed the boomerang to hit every sensor point in the gallery the second it left her hand she shouted "Now Kate!" to be heard over the alarm. Kate nodded and ran with her hands over her ears. She grabbed the panther and hightailed back to Nat who grabbed her hand and led her out of the gallery. They ran toward where Nat parked her car a block and a half away through the back streets. When they got near the sidewalk where the car was Nat slowed there pace and casually walked toward the car. Then they left the area at the legal speed limit.

*****

They were both quiet as they entered Nat's suite. Kate put the statue down which was hidden in the cloth tote and turned toward Nat with a beaming expression on her face, "I can't believe we did that. Your a genius!"

"Not quite we'll need to do a little clean up, but first...sit down Kathryn." She said pointing to a chair. Kate did what she was asked with an open question on her face.

Once she was seated Nat knelt in front of her taking the tiny little hands into her own and quietly said; "I think its time I fully introduce myself. My name is Natalie Miller and I am in love with you, which is why I'm breaking client confidentially and telling you that I am not a thief. I am a criminologist and an art expert. Your father's ex-partner Larry Valdez hired me. He hired me to prove that your Father was a mad genius forger. Then you came down stairs and caught me in that cute little nightie of yours. I wasn't trying to rob you, Love I was getting a piece of paint to examine. My job..."

"But.."

Nat put a finger to her lips and said, "I'm not done yet, Sweetheart. I have degrees with distinction in law and criminology. I catch forgers for a very good living....Now we have a bit of a dilemma here. I'm not going to give up my job so I think we will just will have to convince your father to give up his hobby. Do you think you can do that?" Nat removed her finger and caressed the beloved cheek. Kate leaned into the caress and said, "I don't know. I think I'm on overload. I'm very much in love with you too. As for Daddy, I think I can get him to um...not publicize his work for me. But stop... Nat, I don't know. He loves art and he's proud of it. I love him so I really don't want to hurt him." She looked pleadingly at Nat.

Nat smiled gently and shook her head. "I don't either. Ok Kate, We'll talk to him later..." She stood up taking the smaller woman with her, "Right now I think we need to finish what we started in that closet." She said, then she kissed the other woman passionately as she carried her toward the bedroom and their future.

The End



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