~ Ah, Whom Can We Ever Turn to in Our Need? ~
by romansilence
(romansilence@yahoo.de)

Copyright Disclaimer: The characters of the show "Stargate SG-1" don't belong to me but the lucky guys at Showtime Productions, Gekko et al. I just take them out to play. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit will be made. The story however is mine, archiving only with my permission.
Warning: This story implies a loving relationship between two consenting adult women. So, if you're not old enough, please go away and come back later. If two women loving each other is illegal where you live, you should seriously think of moving. This time there will be no graphic depictions, sorry, just a bit hurt and angst.
Pairing: Sam/Janet (established relationship).
Timeline: beginning of Season Nine with a twist: O'Neill is still in command of the SGC, Sam is the leader of SG-1. Takes place shortly after "Avalon".
Special thanks go to Mary, my valiant beta reader
Part I of the "Beauty is Nothing but the Beginning of Terror"-Series.

Summary: An old friend alerts Sam that Cassandra is having trouble at College and hangs out with the wrong people.

"Carter."

"Colonel Carter, Sergeant Durer, dispatch. I have a Professor Wellington on the line. She claims that it's important."

"Thank you, Sergeant, please put her through. - Hey, Billie, I haven't heard from you in a long time. What's up?" Sam asked.

"Hey, Sam, good to hear your voice. You know, you're harder to get a hold of than the President himself. I tried for three days straight at every hour of day and night; so, I should know."

"I'm sorry, Billie, I've been out of town for a few days, and I don't spend much time at home. So, what can this measly soldier do for such a distinguished professor as yourself?"

"A measly soldier? Please, Sam, be realistic. Your book on wormhole theory still has half of the academic world buzzing."

"You're exaggerating, Billie, as always, but I guess you didn't call to exchange compliments, right?"

"No, I didn't. It's about Cassandra. The sophomore you asked me to keep on my radar. I know you told me not to ask any questions but I got the impression that she's pretty important to you. So, I thought I should call you…."

"What's wrong with Cassy? Was there an accident? What happened?" Sam had jumped up from her seat and was gripping the receiver of the old-fashioned phone in her lab as if her life depended on it.

"Calm down, Sam. There was no accident. Cassandra has a few academic problems. She had all the markings to become one of our top students but lately… Her latest paper has been overdue for two weeks now, and three days ago we had a pre-announced test to which she did not show up. I spoke with a couple of my colleagues. It's the same with them. She's close to failing the term."

"There's more right?" Sam asked.

"I also spoke with her roommate, Michaela Neddes. She's also in my course. Michaela said that she's hanging out with a tough crowd, off campus, bikers mostly. Cassandra is avoiding Michaela, and Michaela fears that she's started to drink." Billie said softly; her tone of voice audibly meant to soften the blow.

"I'll come over and talk to Cassy. Can you book me a hotel room close to the campus?"

"For the weekend?" Billie asked.

"For tonight. There's no time like the present."

"You will stay with us, Sam. We have a very comfortable guestroom with a private bath. William and the kids will be thrilled to have you. But can you simply leave without getting into trouble?"

"I have enough leave rolled up to take half a year off, and my CO has been nagging me to take some time off for a while now. It's a two and a half hour drive, with time to delegate some things and pack a bag I should be there in about five hours at the latest. I'll call if something unexpected should come up."

"See you then, Sam, and please, drive carefully." Billie said and hung up.

Sam put the phone back in the cradle and slumped against the wall. She thought back to Cassandra's last visit. They had had a week of fun and relaxation all planned out, but then there had been the replicator crisis, and she only had been home for two days of Cassandra's break. Cassy had been left alone, alone with her memories, alone with her grief and her pain. Sam had failed her, again.

The blonde shock herself forcibly out of her musings; this was not the time to think about herself. She had to make it up to Cassy. She had to keep her from destroying herself.

-x-x-x-

One and a half hour later Sam turned on the highway towards Fort Collins and the Colorado State University. When she had asked General O'Neill for some immediate leave, he had practically escorted her out of the mountain in relief and ordered her to "have some fun for a change, Carter!"

Sam was not sure if fun was the operative word under the circumstances but she had smiled at him without giving away her true thoughts and feelings; something she had become very adept at since Janet's death.

Billie and her family lived in a quiet suburb, houses with generous back yards, two-car garages and the obligatory lawn in front of the house. Typical American middle class, except for its inhabitants. Billie's husband Will was a cross between an artist, a stay-at-home dad and a computer wizard. Their three kids were almost frighteningly intelligent and had skipped at least one grade, and Billie was an internationally acclaimed physics professor specialising in geothermic research and cold fusion.

Sam, Billie and Will had been at college together. Sam had been barely seventeen, a daredevil in every sense of the word, cocky as all hell, and with a chip on her shoulder the size of a steel girder. Will had been in his last year and Billie in her third when this young blonde had walked right up to the board in one of Professor Petterson's interminably longwinded lectures. She had changed the equations on the board and walked out without a word.

Sam had only been at college to pass the time before she turned eighteen and would be allowed to join the Air Force Academy. She had not been out to make friends, but Will and his then girlfriend had been persistent, and over time she had opened up to them. They had bailed her out of trouble more than once when she took offence at something someone had said or done. It had been her way to deal with her mother's death some three years earlier. Three years she had spent building walls around her heart and her soul, walls only Billie and Will had been allowed to look behind. Like Cassy now she had sought comfort and oblivion in drink and without these two Sam would certainly not have come as far as she had. They were part of her family.

-x-x-x-

Will opened the door and stepped onto the porch when he heard Sam's bike on the driveway. He was a tall man with brown friendly eyes and an athletic physique. Sam took her helmet off and shook her almost shoulder length hair into some semblance of order. In her line of work having short hair was much more practical but she had started to let it grow out after Janet's death in remembrance of one of their last conversation when Janet had speculated on how her lover would look with really long hair.

"Sam, wow, you're as beautiful as ever, and I see you're still driving this death-trap on wheels."

"Still jealous, Willie?" She answered with a smile and embraced him.

"You got the bike, I got the girl. I don't complain."

His answer referred to the day Sam and he had answered the same add to buy a run-down 47-Indian to restore. They had arrived independently and both had had the cash needed. In the end Sam's shining eyes had won the seller over, and her bubbling excitement at her new toy had been worth losing out on the bike. Later that day, when they had told Billie about their chance meeting she had gently patted Will's cheek and told him in no uncertain terms that as long as he wanted to be with her, he would not risk his live on such a death-trap but drive something with a lot more metal between him and impeding disaster. Billie had yet to change her mind on this point.

"So, where is Willie's Billie?" Sam asked mischievously after Will had hugged her, knowing all too well that he hated such comments.

He suddenly lunged forward intend on tackling her to the ground and tickle her but her reflexes were much too fast for him and suddenly Will found himself pinned down, being tickled himself. His helpless laughter soon was echoed from the porch.

Sam stopped but kept her hold on him. "Do I hear Super-Sammy and the WonderTwins?"

And suddenly the tables were turned since she was bowled over by two small and one taller body. "Aunt Sam! We missed you. You haven't been here in forever and ever!"

"I missed you too, kiddos. So, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school or something?"

Sam looked up to a girl of about fifteen or sixteen with curly red hair and unusual brown eyes. Samantha Louise Wellington was her goddaughter. The twins, Tom and Harry, ten years old, also had the curly hair of their mother but instead of their father's brown eyes, they both had blue-green orbs, just like their grandmother on their mother's side.

They were right. She had not seen them since before Janet's death. They had stayed in email contact but she had carefully skirted all invitations to spent the holidays with them.

"Hey, guys, let Aunt Sam get up. She's not that young anymore." Will said, mainly to get a reaction out of his blonde friend.

"Bah, Dad, that's not true. You and Mom, you're ancient, but Sam, she's cool!" Harry said and launched himself at his father in absolute trust that he would catch him.

A shadow crossed Sam's face. There had been a time when Cassandra had had as much trust in her.

Her change in expression didn't get by the red headed teenager. "Sam, are you alright? We didn't hurt you or something?"

"No, Sammy, everything is alright, or at least it will be in time. You didn't hurt me."

"You know that except for my mom you're the only person calling me Sammy. Everyone else uses Sam or Samantha."

"I can stop if it bothers you, Sam. For me there was also only my mother and one other person who called me Sammy, at least not without regretting it later." Sam answered with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"No, I don't mind you using Sammy. Why are you so sad? I can see it in your eyes."

"You always shared your mother's ability to look right into my heart. You're right I'm sad. I'll be better in time. Being here already helps a lot. So, where's your dear mother?"

"Oh, she's holding a lecture on advanced something or other." Samantha answered.

"Sammy!"

"Yes, I know, respect your elders." The girl rolled her eyes. "That's why we came out. Initially the boys wanted to ambush you entering the den. Mom just called. She wants you to come to her lecture. She said to tell you that it would be a good opportunity to talk to the roommate. Whatever that means."

"Thanks Sammy. Oh, please don't pout. It's boring grown-up stuff."

"That's what you adults always say when things start to get interesting. I know you'll tell me when the time is right. It was worth a try."

"You really are something, Samantha Louise. Now, in which room does your mom hold court?"

"If you give me a ride I will show you."

"Will your mother roast me on a small flame if I let you climb on this?" Sam asked only half joking.

"No, she will not, as long as she wears a helmet." Will answered in her stead.

"I have a spare one in my saddlebag. I never would take her without a helmet. We will go slowly, after all the Indian is about fun, not speed."

"Then go. I'll put your bag in the guest room. The boys and I will prepare a light dinner." Will said.

"Are you sure that Billie will be alright with it?" Sam asked.

"It will be fine, Sam. Billie knows that you're a conscientious driver, and though she's not too keen on bikes she knows that children need to experiment to develop their whole potential. And it's not as if it were the first time that you took her for a ride."

"No, it's not. Ready to go, Sammy?"

-x-x-x-

Twenty minutes later Sam's Indian stopped in front of the main entrance of a faculty building. They took their helmets with them and Sammy led them up the stairs to the third floor. They entered the big auditorium from behind and found seats in the last row. Billie gave no indication that she had seen them come in, but when she ended for the day some fifteen minutes later, she dismissed all of her students except for Michaela Neddes.

Sam and Samantha descended the stairs towards the board and Sam was quickly engulfed in a bear hug by a red-haired woman with sparkling blue eyes. She stood at about five foot five, and according to her own judgement she had a few pounds too much on her hips, a legacy of the birth of the twins, though her husband always told her that he loved her just the way she was.

Billie looked deep in Sam's eyes, seeing more than the blonde would ever have allowed anyone else to see. Then the professor turned to her daughter, "So, you conned Sam into giving you a ride? What was it, the Indian or the other monster?"

"The Indian, Mom, but we went really slow and Dad said that is would be okay." Sammy answered.

"It's alright, Sammy. I was only teasing you. Now go and wait outside."

"Mom, please…"

"Samantha Louise Wellington!"

"Alright, already, I'll go, but under protest."

"Sam, may I introduce Michaela Neddes. Michaela meet my old friend Samantha Carter."

"It's an honour to meet you, Doctor Carter. Cassandra told me a lot about you." The young, dark haired woman at Billie's side said.

"I'll leave the two of you to talk. Sam, dinner is at seven, please don't make us wait." Billie said with a smile.

"No, ma'am. I'll be there. Miss Neddes would you tell me about Cassy, please?"

"Please call me Michaela. The dorm is about ten minutes through the park."

-x-x-x-

Sam was on time for dinner. She listened to the twins telling her about their latest adventures and pet subjects but her mind was miles away. So, Billie decided to cut their meal short and take her old friend for a walk. It was time for them to talk.

"Talk to me, Sam."

"There's nothing to tell, Billie."

"Sam, please don't insult my intelligence. I know who Cassandra is for you, Sam. I knew from the moment you asked me to keep an eye on her. I know she was Janet's daughter. Why did you never bring her with you when the two of you came to visit? You know she would have been welcome."

"Cassy was with Janet's parents every time we came here. When she told her parents about us they disowned her and threatened to make it public and have us thrown out of the Air Force. Sending Cassy to spend most holidays with them was their condition to keep quiet about it.

"I'm sorry that we never spoke about her but it hurt too much to talk about her when we knew that they were just trying to fill her head with their hypocritical nonsense. They even tried to take Cassy to the East Coast with them after Janet's death." Sam answered.

"I'm sorry that they put so much pressure on you, both of you."

"It's in the past. They can't hurt me any longer. Janet is dead, nothing can hurt me now."

"Oh, Sam, please, honey, don't do that to yourself. Janet would not want you to give up on life."

"No, she probably would read me the riot act, but I can't help it. Janet was my life, and without her the only thing I have left is work. I failed Janet."

"You have Cassandra, Sam." Billie said.

"I failed her, too. I failed her when I buried myself in that damned mountain. I was not there for her. I tried but it was too hard. I failed her and she had no other chance but to run away."

"Sam, stop it! Now!" Billie had her hands on Sam's shoulders ready to shake her out of her self-recriminations.

Sam's blue eyes were filled with tears that refused to fall.

"Sam, it's not like you to give up this easily. You came here to help Cassandra. You can help each other, now."

Now the tears fell and Billie held her distraught friend. They were the first tears Sam allowed herself since Janet's death, and to her it seemed as if they would never stop to fall.

-x-x-x-

Later that night Sam rode her bike to the first of three addresses Cassandra's roommate had pointed out as her possible whereabouts. She found her on the second try in a stereotypically seedy biker's bar. Sam's entrance went unnoticed since everyone's attention seemed focused on some action at the bar. She saw Cassandra's head sticking out above the others. She was probably sitting on the bar.

Sam stepped closer and saw that some guy was in the process of removing Cassandra's top by cutting it off with a fifteen inch long dagger. Cassy's eyes were dull and she looked as if she were not even aware of what was happening to her. Sam's protective instincts went into overdrive.

Her slight built allowed Sam to slip through the first row of spectators. The hand holding the knife was grabbed by the wrist and pulled back in a secure police hold. She used his surprise to turn the man around who topped her own five foot eleven by at least six inches. She pushed him towards his cronies and ordered calmly,

"Keep your dirty paws off of her!"

The man had found his equilibrium and looked at her. His once probably muscular frame was starting to disappear under layers of fat and his receding hairline let Sam estimate his age at about thirty-five to forty. His eyes were slightly dilated, and looking at all the men visibly supporting him Sam thought that stepping in like this might not have been one of her brighter ideas.

The imbalance of power in the room seemed also to dawn on him and he leered at her. "So, want to take her place? Sorry, no deal. I like my women younger."

Sam knew that diplomacy would not get Cassandra and her out of the bar, but bravado just might. "I wouldn't even consider spending time with you if you were the last human being on Earth, and I use the term human with caution."

"Get her and teach the old broad some manners, Pauly." The man with the knife ordered.

Pauly turned out to be a small, skinny guy of about twenty-five. He drew a switch-blade but Sam didn't give him the chance to get in position. She whirled around and took him out with a roundhouse kick to the throat, hoping that the impact had not been hard enough to crush her opponent's windpipe. A second man attacked, but she ducked under the fist and rammed her elbow hard in his neck.

"You can't take all of us out, bitch." Their leader growled.

"That's enough! I won't have no brawls in my bar. Stop it now, or you and your gang will need a new place to hang out, Rover. Same goes for you, Missus."

"You'll get no trouble from me, barkeep. I only came here to find my daughter and bring her home. If your customers let us go, that's fine with me, but if I have to fight my way out of here, I will. It would be easier for all of us if you just let my daughter and me go." Sam said.

The word 'daughter' spoken a second time seemed to have penetrated the probably alcohol induced haze Cassandra was in.

"You are not my mother. You killed her on that godforsaken planet. You killed her as sure as if you would have shot that staff weapon yourself. Go away, Samantha Carter. Enjoy your new rank and your new lover and leave me the fuck alone."

Cassandra had hopped down from the bar but her legs refused to hold her and she grabbed the lapels of Sam's leather jacket in support. She shouted in Sam's face.

"I hate you, Colonel Carter, you and the SGC and the Stargate. You should have let me die on Hanka. I never asked to be taken to your stupid planet. You should have let me die."

Sam closed her arms around the young woman's body. Cassandra tried to get loose but the Air Force Officer held on tight.

"I love you, Cassy."

That broke the dam and Cassandra started to cry. Most of the men found something else to do, but the man called Rover kept a close eye on them, and Sam on him. He tried to intimidate her by playing with his dagger.

When Cassy started to shiver in Sam's arms, he tried to grab her, but Sam was faster and introduced his groin to the steel cap of one of her biker boots. Sam pulled Cassandra behind her and made sure that she was securely positioned against the bar. She faced Rover who was still hunched over and three of his cronies, ready to attack at a moment's notice. Sam resigned herself not to get out of the bar unharmed.

A baseball bat banged hard against the countertop of the bar. "I said no brawls. Let these ladies go, Rover."

The man had at least partially regained his breath, a deep growl emanated from his throat. "No, Tony, I won't let them get away like this. I want my pound of flesh. This college girl has played hard to get long enough. I will take what is mine, one way or the other."

"If you touch her, I will cut off your balls and use your dick to stuff the tiny things down your throat." Sam knew that she had just kissed her last chance goodbye to get out of here in one piece by hurling the worst possible insult at the tall man. But the thought of her Cassy in the hands of this brute made her blood boil beyond reason.

Predictably Rover was about to launch his bulk against Sam's smaller frame to bring her down by force but a shrill whistle halted him in mid-movement. A woman as tall as Rover with broad shoulder, high cheek bones, shining blue eyes and long jet-black hair stepped from the crowd. She dominated the room with a mixture of authority and raw sexuality. Sam had a hard time not to gasp for breath at the sight.

"I don't like it if someone insults my brother."

"Then you should have taught him some manners when he was younger. He might have become a man instead of a sorry excuse for a human being." Sam retorted.

Instead of getting angry the woman laughed. "You really are something, lady. You come here, bust up my men, insult my little brother, and all of this without breaking a sweat. I think I'll let…"

"But Mara, I want the girl, and the broad needs to be taught a lesson. I waited for so long to taste her virgin ass."

"Stop whining, Rover. She looks too old to be your daughter, blondie." Mara said.

"The name is Sam, and Cassandra is my adoptive daughter, but to me it does not make any difference. You seem to me like someone amenable to reason. So, I offer you a deal, Mara. If you look outside you'll see a '47 Indian in the parking lot. It's mine, has been for twenty years now. I'm willing to leave the papers with you if you let us both go and one of you defeats me at pool."

"I like your style, Sam. You have a deal. Rover started this whole thing; so, he will be the one you'll have to best. He will break."

"Let's do it."

Rover turned out to be as unimpressive at playing pool as he was at hand-to-hand combat. Even with one hand bound behind her back Sam would have had no problem to win. After he had lost three games in a row he glared at her and sulked towards the back of the bar.

Mara escorted Sam and Cassandra to the front door and before she opened it she said, "One day I'd like a friendly match of pool between the two of us. It should prove more challenging for you."

"It just might, Mara. Thank you."

The fresh night air was like a jackhammer to the distraught and disoriented Cassandra. She stumbled and lost consciousness. Sam had not expected such a quick reaction, but before the young woman's body could hit the ground, strong arms scooped her up.

A familiar voice said, "I got her, Sam. My car is over there, the blue pick-up. I already put the plank out to get your bike up."

"Thanks, Will, you're an angel. Could you drop us off at Cassy's dorm. I'll stay with her for the night."

"No, you won't. I have orders to bring you home, both of you. Make my life easier and just comply. She used her mom-voice, Sam."

"Seems as if we have no choice then. I learned long ago that there are some things one just can't resist; one of them is the mom's voice.

-x-x-x-

Will carried Cassandra to the guest room and Sam put her to bed. The young woman threw up twice and after the third time Sam had had to wake her from a nightmare she climbed into bed with her and held her for the rest of the night. Shortly before sunrise she fell asleep.

When Cassandra finally woke up she looked into Professor Wellington's concerned eyes and felt Sam's comforting arms around her. For a moment she enjoyed the feeling but a moment later she jumped out of bed as if it were on fire. It was a testament to Sam's exhaustion that she didn't wake at the sudden movement.

"Where am I? What happened? What is she doing here? Professor Wellington? What…?"

"Calm down, Cassandra. You're at my home, in my guest room. Sam and my husband brought you here last night from the bar. Take a shower, the bathroom is over there. I'm sure that Sam won't mind if you borrow some of her clothes. I have coffee waiting in the kitchen downstairs. Try not to wake Sam up. She spent the night soothing your nightmares and making sure that you didn't suffocate from your own vomit."

-x-x-x-

Twenty minutes later Cassandra entered the big, sunlit kitchen. She was wearing the clothes from the night before including the torn shirt. "Good morning, Professor Wellington."

"Good morning, Cassandra. I hope you like coffee. How's Sam?"

"Colonel Carter is still sleeping. If you could tell me where I am I'll find my way back to the dorm. I have to get as far away from her as possible."

"Sit down, young lady, now!"

Despite her best intentions Cassandra obeyed. She later rationalised that it must have been the tone of voice.

"Sam loves you. She wouldn't be here if she didn't. She wouldn't have spent the night guarding your sleep if she didn't. She wouldn't have risked her hide in that bar last night if she didn't love you, Cassandra Fraiser."

"What are you talking about, Professor? She embarrassed me in front of my friends and dragged me out against my will. She has no say in how I spend my time. Without her my mother would not be dead. I just want her to leave me alone. She can go to her new lover and start her shining new life."

"Oh dear, is this what you remember about last night? So, let me tell you a thing or two."

Billie told Cassandra everything Will had told her of the scene in the bar, every detail and as much of the dialogue she could remember.

"Sam threatened Rover to feed his balls to him?"

"Yes, she did."

"She put up the Indian to get us out? Why would she do that? She doesn't care for me."

"Sam loves you, Cassandra. You're as much her daughter as you were Janet's."

"You knew my mom?"

"Yes, I did. She was a great person. We all liked her very much."

"But how? She never spoke about you."

"All those holidays you spent with your grandparents, Sam and your mother spent with my family here."

"I didn't like going there but Mom always made me."

"Sam told me yesterday that Janet's parents blackmailed them. They threatened to tell the military about their relationship. They didn't have a choice." Billie said.

"I wish Mom would have told me. It explains a lot. They always said such nasty and stupid things about gays and lesbians. Why didn't they tell me?"

"We feared that it would turn something you enjoyed into something you resented. At least we thought that you enjoyed being with your grandparents. Why didn't you tell us?" Sam asked from the door.

"It seemed to be really important to Mom. I thought it was her way to keep in contact with her parents despite the way they treated her." Cassandra answered. "Why did you come here, Sam? I don't need you."

"Billie called me and told me that you might be in trouble. I wanted to make sure that you are alright." Sam said.

"Why? You couldn't get rid of me fast enough after Mom's death, Lieutenant Colonel Carter. I have always been nothing more than a burden to you. You pawed me off on Mom and now with your new life, your new lover, there's no place for me anymore. Tell me; did you cheat on Mom with this guy? Where you glad when she was out of the way?"

"Why do you hurt me this way? I never cheated on Janet and I never will. She is the only one who ever held my whole heart and soul, and she is the only one who ever will." Sam said with tears clinging at the edge of her eyes. "I love your mother. I never stopped loving her and I never will."

"But this guy, he said that you accepted the promotion to leave Colorada Springs and accept a posting in Denver. He said that you would marry him and have his children and that you were already looking for a new house with a nursery."

Sam sank on one of the kitchen chairs. "Did he tell you his name, Cass?"

"Pete Shanahan. He said that you were looking forward to become Samantha Shanahan. He said that it has a nice ring to it."

"That conniving bastard! I wouldn't marry him if he were the last intelligent life form in the universe. Pete Shanahan is a friend of my brother; he's a cop in Denver. Some months ago he was in Colorado Springs for a case and Mark talked me into going to dinner with him. I never have been as bored in my whole life but for him it had been the perfect evening. He got it into his head that it had been a date and was the beginning of something special. He began to stalk me and I zatted him." Sam said.

She cast a nervous glance towards her old-time friend and for a moment considered asking her to leave them alone, but something, either the expression in Billie's eyes or her unacknowledged need to have some moral support let her decide to simply deal with the fall-out later.

"You zatted him?"

"Yes, we had a plan to capture Osiris. Pete followed me to Daniel's house where we had set a trap for Osiris and because of his interference she almost escaped. I didn't have a choice. General Hammond threatened him with the Patriot Act and he disappeared back to Denver; at least I thought he did. I'm sorry that he gave you the wrong idea. Why didn't you ask me directly? Is he the reason you fled to Fort Collins instead of staying at home?" Sam asked.

"You still love Mom?"

"Yes, Cassy, I still love your mom. She was my life and my light and my strength. I never would betray her."

"I didn't leave because of this Pete guy. Everything in Colorado Springs reminded me of Mom. It just hurt too much to stay. But it also hurt being away from home. Pete came by during the last holiday. I'm sorry, Sam, I should have known that you would never leave the SGC. Earth needs you too much."

"I wanted to leave after your mom died. After the memorial service when you were already in bed I wrote my letter of resignation. I was so angry at all of them, at General Hammond for sending Janet to P3X-666, at Colonel O'Neill for getting shot and leaving me in command, at Janet for getting killed, at myself for not having been able to save her, to bring her back.

"It was Daniel who convinced me that leaving the Air Force now, at a moment the SGC was under investigation, would send the wrong message, but a day does not go by when I doubt the wisdom of this decision."

"Mom would not want you to give up, Sam." Cassy said empathically.

"No, she wouldn't, but sometimes being at the base is harder than being at home. I expect to run into her at every corner I turn; every time I'm in the infirmary I'm looking for her. Every time we go through the gate I'm looking up to the control room searching for her eyes and her smile. Even working in my lab I expect her to come in and scold me for working too long and not taking care of myself." Sam said tonelessly.

"Oh God, Sam, why did you never tell me? You always seemed so strong. I thought… I thought…"

"It's alright, Cassy. You had enough to do dealing with your own pain. I didn't want to burden you with mine. You deserve a life of your own, a happy life."

Sam closed her arms around the young woman and held her as she had done numerous times in the past. "I love you, Cassy. I never wanted you to go away, but I can understand why you did it."

Cassandra openly sobbed and Sam also could no longer hold her tears back. A few minutes later Cassy looked up and said, "What I said yesterday… I don't hate you, Sam, I never did."

"I know, Cassy, being angry at me and the rest of the world dulled the pain, and the alcohol also made it go away, at least for a while."

"I didn't drink because of the pain. Professor Wellington told me what happened last night. Thank you for coming to get me. They really could have hurt you… and your Indian… oh Sam, I'm so sorry."

"Everything worked out fine, Cassy, and the Indian would have been a small price to pay to get you out of their clutches. This Rover guy is a creep."

"He was as far removed from my normal, my old life as I could find. Since Professor Wellington told me about last night a few images have come back and I'm really glad that you stopped him. I only allowed him to touch me when I was drunk."

"Why did you, Cassy? You said it wasn't to escape the pain. Why? Did you want to escape your memories?"

"Perhaps, but the main reason is that it keeps the telekinesis at bay. It's back and I have a hard time controling it. When I'm drunk it goes away."

"I can teach you how to control it, Cass, if you let me."

"How? Last time I checked you had no telekinetic abilities." Cassandra's voice sounded a bit challenging.

As an answer Sam turned her head towards the coffee maker and the pot began to move across the counter, hovered for a moment and then glided directly in Sam's hand.

"Wow!" Billie said.

Both of them had forgotten that she was still there. The look Cassy gave Sam was akin to panic.

Sam said, "Billie is my friend. I trust her. It's alright, Cass."

"How, Sam? And why did you never tell me?" The young woman asked.

"Janet was the only one who knew, Cassy. With her help I learned how to control it, but we never had the chance to find out how it really works. My MRI shows increased activity in areas where there should be none. We think that what's responsible for the telekinesis."

"It was Nirrti, right? When she put you and Jonas into that machine?" Cassandra asked and Sam nodded in affirmation. "MRIs are mandatory after missions, how could you keep it quiet? It would make you a prime target for the Trust."

"The first thing Janet taught me was how to quiet my mind enough to fool the MRI, and ever since Jolinar I have been a prime target for the Trust and the NID; Daniel and I both. I'll teach it to you."

"Rewind a bit you two! What I just saw is against every law of physics I know about." Billie said exasperatedly. "Sam, you always used more than the usual twelve percent of your brain, but what you just did… It's just… It shouldn't be possible."

"It's just a question of perspective, Billie, and it has nothing to do with the overall percentage of brain capacity used. It's more about certain regions of my brain having been stimulated, regions which usually are dormant. It allows me to manipulate the magnetic field of most things as well as Earth gravity."

"And Cassandra has been subjected to the same manipulations?" Billie asked.

"No, and yes, Billie. Janet thought that Cassy's abilities are genetic while mine have been created artificially. We're still miles away from a real explanation."

Billie didn't know what to say to that but after a deep breath Cassandra said in a flat voice, "You were the guinea pig. Mom feared that despite Nirrti stopping me from changing the first time the telekinesis and whatever would sooner or later come back. She used you to find out how to control and how to conceal it."

"Your Mom didn't trust Nirrti, that's true, but I wasn't a guinea pig. I needed the help she gave me. The thought that one day it might also help you was just an added incentive, Cassy."

"So, when do you start teaching me?" Cassandra wanted to know.

"As soon as you're ready, Cass, but don't you think that first you owe your roommate an apology?" Sam asked.

"I guess I do. I know I don't deserve it, but could you lend me the Indian? I swear I'll be careful." Cassandra said.

"Sure, the keys are on the desk in the guest room. Take my leather jacket and the helmet, and please put a new shirt on. Drive carefully. If you get a ticket we'll repeat the beware-the-consequences-of-motorcycle-accidents lesson."

"Love you, Sam."

"I love you too, Cassy."

-x-x-x-

"The what-lesson?" Billie asked after the young woman had gone upstairs.

"When Cass got her driver's licence she also wanted a permit to drive a bike. She needed Janet's permission but that came at a price. Janet showed us a very graphic video about motorcycle accidents and took us to a rehab centre specialising in bike victims. Believe me, it made an impression, even on me."

When Cassandra came back down she had changed her ripped top for one of Sam's T-shirts. "Professor Wellington, if I brought you the paper I still owe you later today, would you still accept it?"

"Yes, I would. In my eyes there are extenuating circumstances, but I doubt even Sam could write it in only a few hours."

"Oh, it's ready. Has been for weeks, I just didn't hand it in. Thank you, Professor."

She gave Sam a kiss on the temple and was gone again.

"Samantha Carter, I really should be angry at you for having kept such a great kid from us all these years."

"I concur," Will said from the back door.

"Since when did you listen in, Will?" Sam asked.

"Long enough to be thoroughly confused, Sam. We know that your work is top-secret. One does not need someone with your brain for radar telemetry. Between what I heard Cassandra say yesterday and what I heard now, I think that your book about wormhole theory is anything but theoretical." Will said.

"Sam, you know that whatever you tell us, it will not leave this room." Billie said and put a comforting hand on her friend's arm.

Sam offered a silent apology to General O'Neill and a prayer that the IOC would never find out and gave her friends the 101 on wormholes, the Stargate network and ancient gods. To say that they were completely stunned would have been a vast understatement.

"So, the Egyptian gods are the bad guys and the Norse gods are the good guys, right?" Will asked.

"It's not as easy as that but yes, in a roundabout way."

"And this Stargate? I can't imagine any element on Earth able to withstand the energy necessary to open a wormhole." Billie said, still trying to wrap her mind around the technical dimension of what they had just learned.

In between answering Will's and Billie's question Sam called Cassandra at the dorm and invited her to spend some time with her at Billie's house. It would give them the chance to reconnect and should things get too rough Sammy and the twins could act as a distraction.

-x-x-x-

Aside from her classes Cassandra and Sam spent every waking minute together for the next two weeks. The young woman quickly learned how to control the telekinesis. Will had talked a friend into allowing them access to his office and lab to run an MRI on Cassandra. It showed increased synaptic activity between the hemispheres of her brain and a slightly increased overall activity.

Not all of her professors had been ready to give Cassandra a second chance after her recent slacking. But most of those were easily convinced with a simple phone call. However for one of them Sam had to pull out the big guns. She called Daniel to send over her dress uniform.

In the evening, after the children had been sent to bed, Cassandra retold the whole stroy and was met with howling laughter. Sam tried to stay out of it but could not suppress a smile when she remembered his slack-jawed expression at her entrance.

He apparently had been prepared to haughtily dismiss a trouble student, and the sight of a blonde woman in Air Force dress blues with more decorations than the average three-star-general had visibly caught him off guard. He had looked at her as if she were an apparition and had finally offered her a seat, completely ignoring the young woman standing next to her. It had taken her all of five minutes to get him to give Cassandra a second chance, another five were spent in small talk.

"And the most amazing thing was that she didn't even have to resort to tell him about Mom. She simply dazzled him. She smiled at him and he was a goner. It's no wonder at least every other male falls for her. Right, Sam?"

"He simply listened to reason, Cass, and all the jingling bit on the uniform also might have had something to do with it. That's all." Sam said defensively.

"Oh come on, Sam." Will said. "From the first moment we met, when you were still all arms and legs, most of the guys and at least half of the girls were lusting after you. Over the years it only got worse. Do you remember that Fortune 100 heir who offered you diamonds and cars, Sam?"

"That was half a lifetime ago, Will, and all the money in the world could not make up for the fact that he was a complete jerk. He only wanted a show piece, not a partner. Besides, your exaggerating."

"No, we're not. It drove Mom crazy that they kept following you around like puppies. Narim, Orlin, Martouf. Orlin even became mortal to share your life."

"Cassy, none of them knew me. They only thought they did. Your mom was the only one who really knew me."

Three days later Sam was recalled to the base to help figure out the machine holding Daniel and Vala captive. From then on Sam and Cassandra phoned at least twice a week and Cass spent most of her weekends with Billie and her family.

End of Part I

Continued in "Listen, my heart, as only saints have listened"

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Index Page

~ Listen, my heart, as only saints have listened ~
by romansilence
(romansilence@yahoo.de)

Copyright Disclaimer: The characters of the show "Stargate SG-1" don't belong to me but the lucky guys at Showtime Productions, Gekko et al. I just take them out to play. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit will be made. The story however is mine, archiving only with my permission.

Warning: This story implies a loving relationship between two consenting adult women. So, if you're not old enough, please go away and come back later. If two women loving each other is illegal where you live, you should seriously think of moving. A bit of much, hurt and angst, nothing too graphic.
Pairing: Sam/Janet (established relationship)
Timeline: Season Nine with a twist: O'Neill is still in command of the SGC, Sam is the leader of SG-1; Heroes-fixit.
Special thanks go to Mary, my valiant beta reader
Sequel to "Ah, Whom Can We Ever Turn to in Our Need?", part II of the "Beauty is Nothing but the Beginning of Terror"-Series.

Summary: Janet has been dead for over a year now and finally Sam gets the chance to bring her lover back.

Two months after Sam's return from Fort Collins where she had helped Cassandra to control her resurfaced telekinetic abilities and had mended fences and hurt feelings over both of their decisions after Janet's death, Sam was summoned to an emergency briefing. In a rare show of unity the International Oversight Committee and the Joint Chiefs had decided to destroy the time ship they had used to get the ZPM out of ancient Egypt.

The time ship would be brought to Abydos where a Stargate without a DHD was the only testament that the planet ever had been thriving with lif. Even the naqada deposits had been destroyed in Anubis' attack; so there would be no possible chain reaction to worry about. SG-1 would blow the ship up, SG-9 would install the naqada generator to allow a manual dial-out and a representative of the IOC would observe everything.

Easy and straight forward. Sam's impassive face didn't betray the turmoil in her heart and head. The existence of the time ship had been her one hope to one day get Janet back; she just had to find a way to operate it without the Ancient's gene - and she had already made great progress in that direction. So, from her point of view, the decision to destroy the ship had been the worst thing that could have happened. It forced her hand because suddenly it was now or never. And suddenly she would not be able to do it on her own.

Sam needed help, the help of General Jack O'Neill. So, just before sunset she rang his door bell.

"Carter, what brings you out of the mountain? Did your lab catch fire?"

"I need your help, Jack."

"Come in. Would you like a beer, Sam?"

"No, Jack, but you might need something stronger than that."

The commander of the SGC looked at the serious face of the leader of SG-1 and obediently poured himself a whiskey.

Sam waited until he had taken a seat on the couch. "Jack, I need your help to steal the time ship and bring Janet back."

He jumped up. "Are you completely out of your mind, Carter?"

"No, Sir, but this might be my last chance to get her back. Ever since the time ship was towed off to Area51 I have waited for a chance to get my fingers on it. The interface that would allow me to fly the ship without the gene is almost ready, but now, now I'll need your help."

Jack stared at Sam as if she had just grown a second head and took a big gulp of his drink.

"So, you want me to fly this thing to the past and keep Janet from going to 666 or something?"

"No, Sir, as much as I would prefer it that way, no, too much of what has happened since her death would be changed. Losing Janet changed all of us, and if we take this loss out of the equation things might not happen as they did."

"What exactly are you talking about?" Jack asked.

"Using the Ancient's device at Dakkara to try to defeat the replicators was a suicide mission. With Janet still in the picture I actually might have cared if I survived or not and would have tried to find another way. With Janet alive I never would have agreed to this fool's venture to fly the time ship as far back as ancient Egypt, Sir."

Jack was surprised at her stark honesty. "Alright, I'm not saying I'll do it but hypothetically speaking, what do you have in mind?"

"As the base commander you can assign yourself to fly the time ship to Abydos. I will go along to make sure the explosives are ready. The rest of SG-1 stays on Earth. We take the time ship to the past and bring it to P3X-666. Janet gets shot. We get her out. I use the healing device and bring her back. We return to our own time with Janet, just a second after we left, and no one will be the wiser."

"And Janet's body?" Jack asked.

"I took the recording Daniel made of the whole incident and tweaked it a bit. It now looks as if Janet ascended. We'll only have to exchange the original tape with the new one and everything will be fine." Sam said.

"Seems as if you thought of everything, Carter. What about the IOC representative?"

"Military regulations don't allow civilians in the proximity of live explosives, Sir."

"You know that we'll probably get court-marshalled for this, right?"

"I have a contingency plan should it come to that, Sir," Sam said softy.

"Which probably consists of you taking all the blame and ending up in Leavenworth."

"Being locked up in a small cell can't be harder than having to live with the knowledge that she's dead, Jack."

"Do you also have a plan on how to get the healing device out of the armoury without arousing suspicion?" He changed the subject to escape the raw pain in her eyes.

"We won't have to. I made a short side trip to Hanka when SG-1 was baby-sitting the dig on M5Z-783. I found a healing device and a couple of other gadgets in a hidden compartment in Nirrti's lab. I have been training how to use the healing device more effectively ever since."

"How long have you been planning this, Carter?"

"Since the day after the memorial service, since Daniel convinced me not to resign my commission."

"But we only found the time ship months later." Jack objected.

"Yes, I know, Sir. The first few months I worked on developing a program to predict solar flares. The guys at NORAD are pretty excited about it but it's only accurate in eighty percent of the cases. The time ship is the better option." Sam said.

"Carter, you're definitively too smart for your own good. Now, go home. I need my beauty sleep if I want to steal a time ship."

"Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir."

"Good night, Sam."

Jack poured himself another two fingers of whiskey and tried not to think about everything that could go wrong with Sam's plan.

~*~

But nothing went wrong: Wolsey, the IOC representative, reluctantly agreed to stay at the Gate with SG-9. Jack flew the time ship out of sight and brought them to the past. The internal Gate controls of the time ship let them gate to P3X-666. They cloaked the ship and waited for Janet to get shot. Jack zatted Daniel and Sam exchanged the video disk of his camera. They carried Janet to their cloaked ship and Sam began to treat her with the healing device and another strange looking contraption.

Both women soon were enveloped in a blinding light and Jack gated back to Abydos as soon as Anubis's soldiers and Jaffa had been gone. When Janet opened her eyes after what seemed to him like hours Sam slumped to the deck of the ship, bleeding from her nose and ears. Janet immediately snapped into doctor mode.

"Colonel O'Neill, we have to get Sam to the infirmary. She needs oxygen and an MRI to discern if there's any brain damage."

Jack rose from his seat and dragged an enormous back pack out of a wall compartment. "Sorry, Doc, you will have to do with what we have on board. Sam said that you would find all you'll need in there."

Janet opened the back pack and found a portable EEG and a defib unit as well as a small oxygen tank and a mask. "She knew what I would need." She whispered.

Janet hooked her lover up on the EEG and soon relaxed. "A normal rhythm. Blood pressure and breathing are also normal. For now we'll wait until she wakes up on her own, and meanwhile you can tell me what happened. Last thing I heard from you was that you had been hit, and the last thing I remember is pain in my back and abdomen. I was hit, but I don't feel any pain now. That's what she did, right? She brought me back with the healing device. But how? She was too far away and with you out of commission, as your XO, Sam was in command."

"In a nutshell: Yes, you were shot on 666 and were DOA in the Gate room. Carter tried to bring you back with the healing device but it was already too late. She spoke at your memorial service. Anubis is as dead as some half-ascended being can be. Carter and Selmac defeated the replicators, for good we hope. We found the lost city of Atlantis in a neighbouring galaxy and have an international team of scientists working there. Carter now is a Lieutenant Colonel; they made me Brigadier General and put me in charge of the SGC. General Hammond has still not retired but heads Homeworld Security in Washington. Cassandra is in Fort Collins at the CSU, studying physics. We found a ship that allows us to go back in time and we used it to bring you back. You see, nothing to it."

Janet looked at him with disbelieving eyes and finally saw the shining star on his desert BDUs. "Are you sure that this is not an alternate reality, Co… General O'Neill?"

"As sure as I can be. That's more Carter's thing, you know."

"How long?" Janet asked tonelessly without acting on his effort to make light of everything.

"Eleven months, twenty-two-days and sixteen hours." Sam said after she had removed the oxygen mask. She stared at Janet and tentatively stretched out her hand as if unsure if her lover was real.

The small doctor sensed Sam's insecurities and decided that her questions could wait. She opened her arms and Sam flew into her embrace like a frightened child.

Jack decided that it was time to check the perimeter on the deserted planet. Like the rest of SG-1 he had known about the true nature of their relationship. They had told him early on but the two women had always kept it very low key at the base. Yes, there had been rumours, not as many as about Sam and him, but they had been there.

Jack sat down in the nonexistent shade and leaned against the outer hull of the time ship. After Janet's death Sam had completely retreated behind her professional mask. She had become more aloof and more focused on her work. With Cassy in Fort Collins she had rarely left the mountain, and if not for Daniel and Teal'c nagging her about it, she probably would have starved by now.

The rumour mill had taken her increasingly distant behaviour, added it to the gossip about Sam and Janet being lovers and came up with the opposite of the truth. They came to the conclusion that Sam could never be this aloof had she really lost a lover in Janet. If only they knew. SG-1 and a few others knew. They knew about her lack of sleep and the nightmares, saw it in her dull eyes and her forced smile.

But what he had seen the night before and just now in the ship had told him about the true extend of her feelings. She never before had allowed herself to show so much vulnerability. Jack didn't know if he should admire her for her composure or curse her for not letting her friends, her family know. They might have been able to help. No, he immediately corrected himself, the only remedy for Sam's pain was right behind him in the ship, Janet Fraiser, M. D.

~*~

"I missed you," Sam whispered.

Wounded blue eyes looked up at the smaller woman holding her.

"I know you probably won't understand, but without you…"

"The Co… General filled me in on the basics, but I don't need to know what happened to see your pain, my love. I'm here, and I won't leave you again."

Janet's gentle, reassuring words were too much to take and Sam burst into tears. She had thought that she was cried out after the intense talks she had had with Cassandra, but feeling Janet's arms around her brought everything back.

Some part of Sam expected to wake up any moment and find that this feeling was nothing but a dream, just as it had been countless times before. But this time it was real.

Janet was back and as if she had read Sam's mind she bent her head and kissed her. Janet's soft lips pressing against her own and her tongue demanding entrance finally making it real.

"There's so much I need to tell you, Jan. So much you need to know, and I fear when everything is said that you will never speak with me again."

"I love you, Sam. Nothing you could have done in the months I was… gone could ever change that. My death apparently didn't make you love me any less, and there's nothing that could make me love you any less." Janet said, keeping eye contact with Sam.

"I failed Cassy. I buried myself in the mountain. I didn't stop her from leaving Colorado Springs for Fort Collins. I was not there when she needed me. She nearly failed the term when she searched comfort and acceptance with a gang of bikers. I failed your daughter, again." Sam rushed out the words and didn't dare to look Janet in the eyes.

"Look at me, Sam." The blonde slowly raised her head and found only love and understanding in the brown orbs facing her. "I love you, Samantha Carter. I have from the first moment we met at the infirmary. We will help Cassy, together, and if she has to repeat a term, well, the world won't end because of it."

"Oh no, she won't fail the term, it was close but Billie called me in time. We were able to clear the air and talked a lot. I smoothed the ruffled feathers of a few of her professors. I think she will be fine now, but that does not change the fact that I was too self-centred to help her with her pain." Sam said.

"Oh, Sammy! You always were too hard on yourself. You lost as much as she did, baby, and you were not even allowed to show it, except to a few friends. Cassy is alright now, and together we will make sure that it stays that way."

For a few moments they just enjoyed the feeling of the other's body, then Janet asked, "How do we explain my sudden reappearance? I suppose using this ship was not exactly an official mission."

"No, not really. As soon as we bring the ship back to our time, it will be destroyed. The powers that be decided that it's too dangerous to use it and that its existence alone poses too great a temptation. This was my last chance and a temptation I couldn't resist.

"If everything goes as it should the whole SGC will think that you ascended when the staff blast killed you. And we will tell everyone that you reappeared when the time ship exploded according to plan. If Daniel can ascend and descent more than once why shouldn't you."

"What could make them believe that I ascended, Sam? Did you let the Daniel of my present in on your plan?"

"No, that would have been too dangerous. Remember the recording he made of Airman Wells."

"Of course, did he make it?" Janet asked.

"Yes, he did. You got him stabilised the moment before you got shot. He's the proud father of a beautiful baby girl. He named her Janet."

"Janet? He named her after me?"

"Yes, baby, he named her after the woman who saved his life and gave her own. Daniel's recording also showed how you were shot. We exchanged his original tape against another one I doctored when we retrieved you. The new version shows your ascension."

"So, everyone thinks I'm some kind of super-being? Won't this also change their perception of my death?" Janet asked. Internally she was still struggling with the fact that everyone she loved had thought her dead for almost a year while to her it was only a few hours.

"Yes, it probably will, but you don't have to fear that anyone will expect you to show any special abilities or something. Daniel doesn't remember his time with the Ascended, with the Ancients; so, you can say that you don't either. Ascension was the only answer I could find to explain the absence of your body, Janet, but though I tried to think everything through, there's no way to tell what really changed by my interference until we're back in our, in my time. We'll have to play it by ear."

"Alright, my love. Let's call the … General O'Neill back, general, it will take some getting used to. I want you in my arms somewhere private as soon as possible."

~*~

This scenario, however, turned out to be wishful thinking. Mister Wolsey looked at them with cold calculating eyes when the three of them returned to the Gate after Sam had blown up the time ship.

Back on the base Janet was spirited away to the infirmary for a complete physical. She feigned disorientation and had Sam stay at her side. The torn and bloody BDUs from the battle field were ample evidence that she really had been shot but her body showed no sign of a recent trauma. More than that, even her old scars were gone and her blood work was as close to perfect as humanly possible. In Doctor Warner's eyes both points confirmed the ascension/de-ascension story.

"If it were up to me, Doctor Fraiser, you could get back to your old job immediately. I'm tired of training new CMOs who don't stay on long enough for the name on their office door to dry."

"Why didn't you take the job?" Janet asked.

"I don't want the headache. I'm a surgeon, but to deal with all of these whiny marines and cranky airmen without them being under anaesthesia, one has to have the fortitude of a circus director. No, I'll happily let someone else be the CMO."

"You said that there was more than one? It should not be this difficult to find someone with similar qualifications to mine."

"Janet, gods, I'm happy that you're back." Daniel rushed through the door and engulfed the small doctor in a breathtaking bear hug. "I saw you get shot and then you were gone, and I feared that Anubis' Jaffa had taken you, and then I saw the recording. Gods, I'm so glad that you are back."

"It's good to see you too, Daniel, but to me it is as if only a few hours have passed since I gated to P3X-666. So, I hope you didn't keep my replacements too busy."

"I did my best, Janet, but you know me. I won't dread having to come here as much now that you're back. And as for your replacements; they did their best but it was not enough for the SGC. The first one turned out to be an NID spy, the second had been in a lab all his life and panicked every time someone came in with something as simple as a flesh wound, and the third one resigned the day before yesterday, citing that she could not work in a madhouse such as the SGC. We all are really glad that you're back, Janet."

~*~

There was one exception to Daniel's statement, Mister Wolsey, the IOC representative. He openly confronted them in the conference room and his accusations came very close to the truth. Jack, having just ended his phone call with the President, came in before either Janet or Sam had a chance to answer.

"I just talked to President Hayes. He welcomes you back among the living, Doc. Your records will be amended to missing-in-action. You'll receive back-pay for the last year and will be promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, effective next week. That's how long it takes to cut through all of the red tape. I assigned Colonel Carter to facilitate your return to life, consider yourself off-duty for the next ten days. Dismissed!"

Sam and Janet saluted their commanding officers and left. Both were relieved at not having to deal with the obnoxious man.

"Was there anything else you wanted, Mister Wolsey?" Jack asked with emphasis on the 'mister'.

"I want the truth, General O'Neill."

"Are you calling me a liar, Mister Wolsey?"

Despite his usual bravado the slightly smaller man physically backed away, but only for a moment.

"In my eyes it's just too much of a coincidence that Doctor Fraiser reappeared out of nowhere just now. Just when one of her closest friends, namely you, and a woman who appears to be much more than just a friend, are alone with the time ship, and when said friend is one of the few people actually capable of flying the ship, Doctor Fraiser miraculously reappears. Yes, General, a little too convenient.

"Lieutenant Colonel Carter, despite her stellar career, and you, General, have a long history of doing things outside of the book. Is it so unreasonable to think that you both used this one chance to get a valued member of your team back?"

"You're skating on very thin ice here, Wolsey. If either Colonel Carter or I would have entertained such an idea we would have run it by our Commander-in-Chief. After all Doctor Fraiser was and now again is an irreplaceable part of the SGC, as the track record of her many replacements should have shown you over the last months.

"So, put a lid on your overactive imagination. Doctor Fraiser died from a staff wound and ascended. Doctor Jackson recorded it and we all saw it in that damned documentary."

"What we saw on that video could as well have been weapon's fire from a staff weapon." Wolsey objected. "Besides, what reasons could the ascended have to ascend Doctor Fraiser and then send her back less than a year later. It's not logical."

"They sent Doctor Jackson back twice, but I'll make sure to tell him to ask Oma Desala should she decide to ascend him a third time. I don't presume to understand what goes through the minds of some know-it-all energy beings. Perhaps they are more human than we give them credit for and sent Doctor Fraiser back because she is needed here on Earth. Perhaps they will let you ascend when you die, then you could ask them yourself, Mister Wolsey." Jack said with a feral glint in his eyes the IOC representative was smart enough to take as a warning.

~*~

Six hours after their return from Abydos Sam drove Janet home.

"You kept the house?"

"I didn't want Cassy to lose another home." Sam answered. "It was hard enough that she lost you. So, I moved in and left my own house to Daniel and Teal'c."

Sam opened the front door and guided Janet to the living room.

"Don't get me wrong, Sam, but this room looks exactly like I left it, including the blanket on the couch."

"I put the book you were reading on the shelf in your study." Sam said with a slight blush. "It just hurt too much to change anything, especially with Cassy in Fort Collins. Without both of you the house was just too empty. I couldn't stand it and fled to the base and my lab."

With blank honesty she added. "I tried to pretend that nothing had changed, that you were just on an extended off-world mission but it didn't work. The first night was the worst.

"After the wake SG-1 had been the last to leave. Cassy had fallen asleep on the couch and Teal'c had carried her upstairs and I tucked her in. Soon after the guys were gone I climbed the stairs to the bedroom. I even got into bed but my pretence didn't work. The bed was too empty. As long as Cassy was with me I made believe. I retired to the bedroom but I either slept on the floor or in the chair by the window."

"You slept?"

"I tried to sleep." Sam answered with a smile that didn't reach her eyes and high-lighted the still lingering pain.

Janet closed her arms tight around the slim form of her partner. "It's alright now, baby. I'm back and you no longer have to pretend. I love you, Sam."

"I need you, Janet, I need you more than air to breathe. Without you the world was grey even on a bright sunny day; everything tasted bitter. With Cassy gone I came here once a week to clean and air the house, but there's nothing in the fridge and I killed your plants and the garden is a…"

Janet silenced her beloved with a kiss.

"All of this is not important, Sam. Let me prove to you that I'm real. Take me to bed, Sammy."

Sam was still nervous when she opened the door to the bedroom. "I changed the sheets three days ago, but we can remake the bed if you want to."

"You regularly changed the sheets on a bed nobody used? Oh, baby, I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. Let's take a shower, my love, I need to feel your skin under my fingers."

Sam only nodded and preceded Janet to the bathroom where Janet's favourite shampoo, two fresh fluffy towels and two tooth brushes attested Sam's inability to let go. They quickly undressed and under the shower Janet studied the taller woman's body with doctor's eyes.

"I know I lost a bit of weight, Jan. It's nothing of consequence."

"You're nothing but skin, bones, and muscles, Sam. Muscles I don't remember being this defined." Janet said.

"Teal'c decided that I was in need of an outlet for my emotions and dragged me to the sparring ring once a day." Sam answered with an embarrassed smile while she fiddled with the temperature setting.

"And you didn't eat enough."

"Daniel and Teal'c made sure that I didn't starve. They either escorted me to the commissary or brought a plate and stayed until I had at least eaten half of it. They also made sure that I got enough rest.

"One night, I must have worked for about two days straight and had waved both of them off more than once, Teal'c decided that a more hands-on approach was warranted. Before I had a chance to react he had thrown me over his shoulder and carried me to my quarters. Daniel has it all on disk and whenever I refused to rest since then he threatens to put it on the base intranet." Sam said with a real smile.

"It seems as if I'll have to thank them for taking such good care of you. Bend down, I want to wash your hair."

They stayed under the shower until it ran out of hot water and then climbed into bed. Sam was asleep with the smaller woman wrapped in her arms as soon as her head hit the pillow. Janet studied her with loving eyes before she turned off the light and joined her in sleep.

~*~

The next morning they made love with each other as if for the first time. Sam was relearning her lover's body, comparing every detail to her memory as if to make sure that Janet was really herself. She probably would have studied her all day had Janet not had other ideas. There still was a modicum of fear and insecurity in Sam's expression and Janet made it her mission to chase it away by reclaiming the blonde's body, repeatedly. The raw need in Sam's eyes slowly abated and by early afternoon they were back to the playfulness that always had made their relationship special.

Early afternoon they drove to Fort Collins to tell Cassandra that her mother was back. It was the first time that Sam encountered a difference to her original time line. Here Cassy had always been convinced that one day her mother would return. Sam had introduced her to Billie and her family right after she had decided to study at the CSU. Cassandra and Sammy had become good friends, haunting the mall together. The twins adored her as a new ready-for-almost-everything playmate. Cassy had never hung out with Rover's gang of bikers and Sam had never revealed the secrets of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex to her friends. And though Billie and Will exchanged doubtful looks when they told them that Janet had only been MIA and had been in a coma for the last year without her caretakers knowing who she was, she still accepted the bogus explanation.

Sam looked at all of them sitting in Billie's living room, talking as if nothing special had happened and a bright smile stole on her face. Finally, after endless months of misery all was right with her world. Janet sensed what her smile was for and gave her quick kiss on the temple.

End of Part II

To be continued in "When you feel longing, sing of women in love"

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