I'll go and change, Cass. Take the stew out of the freezer, please. I'll heat it as soon as I'm done."
Janet fled upstairs to their bedroom. She closed the door and leaned against it, no, she slumped against the hard wood. She let herself sink to the floor, pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Only then did she allow the tears to fall, tears she had held back ever since this morning's briefing with General Hammond, ever since he had officially told her that SG-1 now was considered M.I.A.
M.I.A., missing in action - just another name for 'we have given up on them'
To General Hammond's honour it must be said that he didn't declare SG-1 killed in action, K.I.A., like the NID and the Joint Chiefs had initially asked of him. And from what she had overheard even that small concession had been hard won.
Missing in action
- that had been her worst nightmare ever since the colonel had been stuck on Edora, no, even before that; those hundred days, however, had brought it home in a way she definitively could have lived without. Sam had practically to be blackmailed to get out of her lab and spend time with her family. Yes, she had been apologetic, every time, but the endless hours Sam had spent on base had given her a taste of what it could be, of what it probably had felt for Daniel, those one hundred endless days without his lover. And now, with Daniel also missing...
Now, I know what it feels like
, Janet thought; the tears still running down her face. Whose there to invent a way to get them back? Sam is lost to me, and she never may come back, and I just told Cassie that everything would be alright and that it was only a question of time before Sam would be back with us.
But do I still believe it? They disappeared two months ago, without a trace, according to the locals.
Janet's tear filled eyes fell on their bed.
The first two days the team had been overdue had not been too hard. SG-1 had a bad habit of returning from their missions either too late or too early. But after a week it was only her scent on the pillow that allowed her to sleep.
Now the scent was gone, two months and Sam's scent was gone. And the only way I can get some semblance of rest is by crying myself to sleep or work 'til I'm too exhausted to keep my eyes open, like I did last night. And then I wake up from a nightmare, a nightmare showing me my life without her, a life without love and light, and then I think about having to tell Cassie that her second mother will never come back, not in this life.
No, I can't tell her that. I have to hope that the diplomatic team sent there to establish official trading relations with them will have better luck to find SG-1 than the other search teams did. General Hammond said that he gave them clear instructions to that end. He promised that he would get them back, and the last time he had made that promise had been when SG-1 had been abducted by Hathor. He has kept his words then, and I have to believe that Sam comes back; she just has to come back...
"Mom, I put the stew in the microwave. It should be ready in about fifteen minutes."
"Thank you, sweetheart, I'll be down soon." Janet was surprised how normal her voice sounded despite her broken heart.
Janet went upstairs to their bedroom, leaned against the door and closed her eyes, completely exhausted. She had had to stay more than three hours after her shift had ended to treat the members of SG-6 after they had come in hot. She was so weary, she wanted nothing more than to sink to the floor and hug herself.
Instead strong arms embraced her and lifted her up. She was carried the few steps to the bed and gently put down on top of the mattress and comforter. Janet opened her eyes and looked into Sam's deep blue orbs.
"I love you, baby girl, please, let me help you get undressed. You must be dead tired."
"I should be the one pampering you, my Sammy. I missed you so much. I almost didn't believe it when I saw you walking down that ramp. I hate them for what they did to everyone, for what they made you go through," Janet said.
Sam pulled her in her arms. She gently kissed Janet's forehead and her eyelids, "I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you, my Jan. I had at least the benefit of not knowing who I really am. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you. I know the next two weeks will not be able to make up for it but I'll do my best to make you forget, baby girl."
"I love you, Sam, there's nothing to make up for. And besides, you may be off duty, Sam, but I'll still have to go to work," Janet answered.
"No, you don't," Sam said and started to pull Janet's dress shirt out of her skirt and to unbutton it. "I spoke with General Hammond before I left for home today. You're on leave, too, and he also gave me the keys for his cabin at Lake Michigan. We'll have the first week to ourselves and then Cassie and the boys will join us. And if the colonel gets too obnoxious I know of a little cave with a hot spring where no one will bother us."
"I love you, Samantha Katherine Carter," Janet replied and kissed Sam, passionately, very passionately.
Eventually they had to come up for air. Sam looked into the eyes of her beloved, "You know, that's how I found out, how I knew that what they wanted me to see as my life was not the truth, was not real."
Janet's skirt landed on the floor, followed by the shirt and shortly after the decidedly non-regulation, off-white, lace bra.
Sam was about to bent down and kiss Janet's breast and nipple when she asked, "Tell me, Sammy, tell me about it."
The blonde scooped Janet up in her arms, and snuggled in next to her, "I love you, baby-girl.
"Thera, the person the memory stamp made me out to be, she was straight. But even before remembering who I really am, every night I dreamed about you. I dreamed about holding you in my arms and being held by you. I dreamed about telling you how much I love you and you telling me how much you missed me. I dreamed about us making love but every time one of us was about to come and cry out the other's name I woke up."
Sam slowly divested Janet of her pantyhose and her panties and let her fingers glide over the firm skin of her stomach as if she wanted to relearn the texture.
"Reality was bland in comparison, what I thought was real, at least. My days were busy with work. So, it wasn't that bad, but when they refused to go with my ideas to make work safer and easier, I started to look forward to the nights and to my dreams."
Seeing the confusion on Janet's face, she added, "Apparently they thought that couples are easier to control than individuals and part of the memory stamp was designed to make me and the colonel fall in love, as well as Daniel and Kegan. I liked him, that is Jona, well enough, despite the suspicious and angry looks Daniel gave me. Of course at the time I didn't know what to make of them, and neither did Danny."
Sam was looking down at her lover. The colour of her eyes had changed to the dark blue that usually indicated her arousal and desire. She kissed her way from Janet's shoulder to her throat and then made contact with her incredibly deep brown eyes.
"Then, one night, when we should have been asleep, Jona kissed me, and I saw in his eyes that he wanted to do more than that. He kissed me and for a moment it felt good. But when he tried to enter my mouth with his tongue and I felt his hand on my hip trying to draw me closer everything felt wrong and I pushed him back. It felt wrong, completely wrong. It was nothing like my dreams. That was when I started to get suspicious. It probably was also when the colonel started to ask questions," Sam explained.
"I love you, my Sammy," Janet said.
"And I love you, baby girl, and I intend to show you how much, starting right now," Sam said and purred like a fierce cougar kitten while she moved down Janet's chest and began to suckle her right nipple.
Hearing that, my insides melted for her, once again. Sam is so beautiful, so perfect. The devotion in her eyes is intoxicating, addictive; it completes me and I could drown in those deep blues. Then she kissed me. And her kiss engulfed all of my soul. It made me feel whole and secure, and I'll never willingly give up on that connection. Oh, God, what she's doing to me...