Prologue

"Gabrielle, you can't do this. Amazon joinings are for life, they need the blessing of Artemis. You simply can't this blatantly disregard our traditions. You're the Queen, what example would this give to the nation, the children?!"

"Ephiny, that's not fair. It's not the nation I want to do this for - and you know it." Gabrielle angrily retorted while pacing the full length of the council hall. "I asked Xena to become my consort as well as my champion, and I won't subject her to petty vengeance - it's hard enough that I couldn't impede her being punished by the Amazon council two seasons ago. She submitted to your twisted sense of justice only because of me, because she loves me. And she would do it again, regardless of what it would cost her. I won't risk her health or even her life to appease any god. I won't let it happen."

She stopped in mid-motion and turned towards the curly haired Amazon, already a little calmer but with a hint of resignation and sadness in her voice. "I studied all the scrolls concerning joinings, royal joinings in particular. Only twice pardon has been granted for the prospective lifebond's crimes against individual Amazons or the Amazon nation. And Artemis never showed leniency when the Queen's consort was concerned. I won't risk it."

"Gabrielle, you're Artemis' Chosen. You're a bard. I'm sure you can find a way to convince her. Maybe make a deal or something."

"A deal? Eph, you can't bargain with Gods."

"Why not? Artemis isn't like Ares. She never would go back on her word, never."

"I'll think about it, my friend."


Chapter One: The Verdict

The next morning found the young Queen in front of Artemis' temple at the edge of the village. She had spent the whole night thinking about what she possibly could offer the patron goddess of the Amazons to make her forgive what Xena did to the Northern Amazons all those years ago - and if she was really lucky, there was a way. Her stubborn lover certainly wouldn't like it, so she was glad that the tall woman was with Solari and the hunting party. They weren't expected back for another two days.

Gabrielle knelt in front of the altar after dismissing the priestess and her attendants. "Artemis, goddess of the hunt and the moon, protector of the forest and the peace, patron goddess of the Amazons from the beginning of time to its end, please hear thy child and servant."

The blonde fell silent, waiting for a sign. Never before had she tried to speak to the goddess of the hunt, so she wasn't sure what to expect. When no answer was forthcoming, she simply continued, in the hope of being heard.

"Artemis, I come to you to ask for your blessing. As Queen of the Amazons I have chosen a Royal Consort, a woman of honour and courage whom I love deeply. Xena will?."

"How dare you," the growling voice seemed to come from everywhere at once and reverberated in Gabrielle's head, causing her to jump to her feet and automatically assume a defensive stance, "speak her name in my presence. She's a murderer and a traitor, this can't be forgiven."

The young woman swallowed hard but also was determined to hold her ground. "Everything can be forgiven, else I wouldn't be alive. I was responsible for the death of her only child, and still she forgave me. She let me back into her heart and I never will betray her trust again. Without her the Amazons and Centaurs probably would have killed each other by now. Without her Velaska would have destroyed the Amazon nation by leading them into senseless battles. Without her?."

"That's enough!" The voice had lost a lot of its volume, and now seemed to come from behind the altar. "It doesn't change what she did to the Northern Amazon, to my former Chosen."

"No, goddess, it doesn't. Nothing can, regardless of how much she regrets her past or wishes to turn back the hands of time. Xena will always have to live with her guilt, but with her at my side, at the side of your Queen, the Amazon nation will stand a better chance to face the future. I don't know why of all people you made me your Chosen, but I know that I can't do it without the other half of my heart, goddess."

"I don't think, I like what you're insinuating, child. Do you really think you could try to bargain with me, to threaten me? I'm not my brother, I don't share his affinity to human flaws. I'm not as easy to manipulate." The voice growled lowly while taking form in the well muscled body of a tall blonde woman, with a quiver at her back and a long bow in her right hand.

"That's not what she's doing, and you know it well, goddess." Xena's familiar voice came from the left of the altar, and she quietly stepped next to her blonde lover. "She's offering you her soul, her future, in exchange for your blessing - but I can't let her do this. She may be your Chosen but first she has to stay faithful to herself. If one day she decides to rule the Amazon nation, she will lead them to greatness, despite the roman threat. She has the power and the skills necessary to unite the tribes, to reconcile their traditions but she has to do this of her own accord, and not in an attempt to pacify you, goddess."

The tall warrior turned her attention from the half dumbfounded, half secretly amused goddess of the hunt to Gabrielle. "I don't need an Amazon joining to always love you, Gabrielle. You're my heart and my soul, my conscience and my strength. You're my light, my reason of living. We don't need the gods to be happy."

"I know." The younger woman answered dejectedly.

"But?."

"It's childish, I know, but I want the whole world to know that we belong together. I never again want to be without you." Her shoulders slumped and her eyes went straight to the ground.

Even remembering what she had felt when she thought her fair haired lover was forever lost to her after she had jumped in the lava pit to safe Xena's life, hurt too much. So, Xena enfolded her gently but firmly in her arms and Gabrielle instinctively nestled closer. "I love you, Gabrielle. I won't leave you. I also want the world to know that I belong to you. You're my greater good. I'm yours, body, heart and soul."

She softly kissed the younger woman on her head, closed her eyes as if to gather her strength, opened her arms, and gently nudged her lover away.

The proud woman then turned her attention to the goddess standing next to the altar, enveloped in a soft green glow that eerily contrasted with her dark blue eyes. She lowered herself on her right knee and put both hands on her left.

"Artemis, patron goddess of the Amazon nation from the beginnings of time to its end, I, Xena of Amphipolis, am guilty of killing the spiritual and military leaders of the Northern Amazons by using their own defences against them. I am guilty of killing two of them on holy ground. I am guilty of having betrayed their trust and their friendship. I am guilty of having betrayed and used their Queen without remorse." Xena now lowered her eyes to the ground. "I know what I did can never be undone. I know I can never hope of being forgiven for these crimes, and I'm ready and willing to pay for what I did though I also know that it never will be enough."

"So, traitor, are you finally offering me your life?" The goddess asked while trying to keep the smile that was threatening to creep on her lips from showing. This really was going better than planed. Allowing Xena and the others to hunt down what they needed in only two days instead of the previewed four, and thus bringing the warrior back to the village just at the right time, had been a stroke of genius she had to thank her older sister for.

"No, goddess. I can't give you my life, nor my heart, nor my soul, they already belong to your Chosen. All I can offer is my pride, as a warrior and a woman, and my hope of redemption for the sins of my past, and I can beg the woman I love more than anything else to let you use these other parts of me to see that justice finally will be satisfied."

"Do you really know what your offering, warrior? With what you just gave me, I could make you suffer in the deepest pitch of Tartarus for eternity." Gabrielle opened her mouth to protest. "Hush, child, this is between me and your warrior."

"Yes, I know, goddess. Look in my heart, and you'll see that I spoke the truth. You'll also see that I am afraid of what you'll decide to do but my own suffering is a small price to pay for the chance of giving Gabrielle the happiness she deserves. I'll do everything and risk everything for her."

The young Queen slowly began to understand what Xena wanted her to do, but still she had to make sure. "Xena, my love, are sure that this is what you really want? You don't have to cater to my childish whims. I know that sometimes you need physical and emotional pain to be able to live with your guilt, but?"

"Yes, Gabrielle, that's what I want. You're not the only reason I want to do this, I need to balance the scales; it has been too long."

Gabrielle squeezed the right shoulder of the still kneeling woman, and then found the eyes of the goddess. "I won't give you her life, and I won't give you her sanity, Artemis."

Now, the carefully held back smile broke free. "When Xena gave Yakut the new words to enter my hunting grounds and thus freed the Northern Tribe from their captivity, Cyane immediately found me and spoke for your warrior."

The goddess concentrated her attention on the blond bard only. Gabrielle could feel the tension slowly building in her soulmate's body but her right hand still on the shoulder and her thumb firmly massaging a well muscled neck seemed to anchor the tall woman.

"She told me that she had looked in Xena's soul, and that instead of darkness there now was love and compassion, grief and guilt. She told me that one day soon, Xena would be ready to pay for her crimes. She begged me to at least show her some understanding, to accept that there had been extenuating circumstances because she was under the influence of Ares and Alti."

"It was me that killed them, not Ares, nor Alti." Xena couldn't help to retort, staring angrily at the goddess who was as tall as she herself.

"She knew you would say something like this, and she wanted you to answer one question before I make my decision. The question is: After leaving the burned out Amazon village behind, what happened the first time you once again killed?"

Xena's eyes dropped to the ground, the tension abruptly left her body, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her voice was quiet, almost inaudible. "I saw her face, her eyes." She fell silent. A big, warm hand gently closed around her own, still resting on her knee. She looked up, and found her face only inches away from the goddess', unable to avoid her startling blue eyes.

"I always felt joy in fighting. I relished the feeling of power while fighting in a battle or otherwise defending myself, I still do. But after Caesar, it no longer mattered why I killed or how I killed. I thrived on the fear I could see in my opponents eyes, and that was all that counted for me. That's how I fought in Chin, and that's how I killed the Amazons.

"When I propelled Cyane against the tree trunk and her heart was pierced through by the broken branch, there was no fear in her eyes. All I saw was disappointment and love. From that day on, whenever I ended someone's life without being forced to, when I killed out of boredom or simply because I could, I saw her, the disappointment in her eyes, I still do."

Tears were running freely and silently down the tall woman's cheeks. Gabrielle's arms closed around Xena's waist, never before her proud lover had shown the slightest hint of weakness in the presence of a god, not even when the Furies had been trying to drive her crazy. With snuggling her upper body against the warrior's broad back, she let her know that she still needed the older woman's strength. She also felt that the tears were like a cleansing for her best friend and part of a healing too, a soothing balm put on the raw spots of a wounded soul.

Xena gratefully intensified the contact by leaning back into the touch but never lost eye contact with the goddess either. The threesome stayed like this long after the raven head's eyes had dried up. Finally the goddess stood up and told Gabrielle to stand by her side, as official witness.

"Cyane was right, you deserve a second chance. Tomorrow morning you'll come back here, without your weapons and barefooted, wearing nothing but a simple shift. A masked warrior will be waiting for you. You will obey her every command for she will be your guide while you face what is called 'the challenge of righteousness'. It's not exactly an Amazon tradition but it will do. It consists of three trials, one dealing with pain and humiliation, the second with obedience and endurance, and the third with trust and self-sacrifice. Any god making a claim on you is allowed to try and make you fail one way or the other. Failing the quest usually equals forfeiting one's life. Out of consideration for my Chosen, I promise that you will survive however it ends but should you fail, you will be banned from all Amazon territories for the rest of your earthly existence. Do you accept the challenge, Xena of Amphipolis?"

"Yes, I do."

"Tomorrow morning, at sunrise. And don't forget, no weapons at all."


Chapter Two: Pain And Humiliation

"Don't you think you're exaggerating, Xena?" The Amazon Regent asked, still holding the leather strips in her hand.

"No, I'm not, otherwise they wouldn't have been waiting for me next to my tunic. Artemis' orders were very clear. No weapons at all, and as long as I can freely move my hands and feet I'm not without weapons. It's as easy as this."

"As if a couple of leather strips would be of any hindrance for you, Xena. These are so thin, even I could break them."

"You probably could but they weren't send to hold you but me - and I'm sure that I couldn't break them, even if I tried which I do not intend to do. Go on, start with my legs. Try to leave me at least a foot of freedom. Besides, the first trial is about humiliation, what better way then to enter Artemis' temple hobbled and with my hands tightly bound behind my back. Yes, that's good."

"Tell me again, why Gabrielle isn't doing this? It isn't like her not to at least make sure that you are not harmed in the process."

"Stop, not like that, binding my wrists is not effective enough. Last night, Artemis told her in a dream that she risks jeopardising the whole challenge by taking any part in it. That's why she's not here, hovering over you. Now, for my arms. Take one end of the strap and fasten it around my right arm, just above the elbow. Make sure that it can't be easily moved around and that the knot is very tight.

"Now, take my left wrist and tie it to the right arm. Make sure that the back side of my wrist sits directly on top of the knot, this way I won't be able to pry it loose. Take care that there's no give and secure the wrist with another knot, place it just under the base of the thumb, so I won't be able to touch this knot either. This is already beginning to feel uncomfortable, you're doing fine."

"Well, it definitively looks uncomfortable. What's next?"

"Now, you'll have to bind my right arm from elbow to wrist to my left arm wrist to elbow by wrapping the leather strap tightly around both underarms. This way my right wrist should end up just on top of my left elbow, repeat the thing with the knots, wrap the rest of the strap back to the right side, and if possible back to the middle. Tie it up, and that's it. It's almost impossible to get out of this bondage without at least straining the muscles involved. I'm ready, let's go."

Ephiny followed the tall woman, and due to the effective restraints around her ankles, they headed at a snail's pace straight through the village and towards the temple. Xena held her head high, not even once acknowledging the curious and bewildered eyes of the onlookers - but secretly relieved that her lover had decided to go for an early morning walk.

The stares as well as the whole situation would undoubtedly have triggered the bard's volatile temper. She smiled at the memory of the argument they had after returning to the Queen's hut the day before, and how they had spend the whole day and a big part of the night making up, so to speak. Before she could immerse herself more in the pleasant memories, they reached the temple.


They parted ways at the foot of the steps leading to the entrance area and Xena began to manoeuvre them one at a time. In front of the altar stood the masked woman Artemis had spoken about, clad in black from head to toe. When she faced her, she found herself dwarfed by about half a foot. "You're four candledrops late, culprit."

"I'm sor?" Faster than lightning, taking her completely by surprise a gloved hand struck her right cheek and propelled her backwards. She landed on the ground almost two body lengths away.

"Rule number one, culprit, you never speak without being given permission. Rule number two, when you're allowed to speak you do so by addressing me as 'venerable guide' or 'madam guide'. - Now, get back on your feet and stand in front of me."

Xena hadn't been a fighter for all of her adult life for nothing, so she tensed the muscles in her back and legs and jumped back on her feet. Another flip would have brought her directly in front of the masked woman but instinctively she decided against it. Twenty hobbled steps later, she once again was face to face with the taller woman. "Turn around."

"Not bad," the guide commented, while roughly checking Xena's restraints. "That's so much more effective than just binding the wrists, isn't it?" Xena was about to verbally agree, when she remembered that she hadn't been commanded to answer.

She could feel the woman's dark eyes on her, and felt like a small rabbit being scrutinised by a hungry snake. She suddenly had a hard time standing still.

"You know," the woman continued conversationally, while idly retracing her arm muscles with the tip of a dagger, "The gods on Mount Olympus were keen on giving me a broad variety of ideas on what to let you do during this challenge. One could be let to believe that every single one of them is interested in you. What do you think? Are you this interesting? Answer."

"Don't think so. I never asked anything from any of them, and I also never took anything they offered, until yesterday. Artemis might be an exception, but the others are probably just bored out of their godly minds."

This time Xena anticipated the blow and ducked out of the way but quickly found herself bent over the tall woman's knee, her upper body held steady by one hand, while the other was busy lifting the hem of her shift up. "When you speak like a brat, you'll be treated like one. - Tsk, tsk, tsk. Weren't you told to wear nothing but a shift?"

The bound woman felt the fabric of her tunic at the small of her back, and the tip of a knife slicing through the material of her breeches. At the same time she couldn't help but marvel at the strength of her guide, holding her down this easily.

The raven head's mind was reeling, her body was ready to struggle out of this undignified position. "Now, you'll get spanked, culprit, for not showing respect to the gods, for disobedience, and for not addressing me the proper way. You will count the strokes and thank me after every ten."

The warrior now was straining against her restraints but was, as predicted, not able to break them. Only a few years ago, half of Greece had been at her beck and call - and now she had willingly manoeuvred herself in a position where she felt utterly helpless. She hated it.

She saw a gloved hand in the air, ready to strike, the glove made out of the same smooth, silk like material as the rest of the guide's clothing and her mask. When the first stroke came, however, it didn't feel like a glove, more like a leather paddle. She instinctively tried to compensate by relaxing her rigid muscles.

Xena's mind despite herself wandered back to the one and only time her mother had taken a paddle to her backside.

Chasing her younger brother through the kitchen on a winter afternoon, they somehow had managed to unhitch the big kettle with fish stew for the evening crowd at the inn. It dropped into the flames of the fire place, upended, and created a mess of fish bits, vegetables, and boiling hot water on the floor.

Xena instinctively had jumped out of the way but Lyceus was caught by the water and burned his feet. Cyrene had been livid. Lyceus was treated and sent to his room, while Xena was told to go to the barn and await her punishment.

On every other day she would have run off and spent the night in one of her hide-outs in the forest, only coming back when one of her brothers assured her that their mother had calmed down. This day, however, she felt guilty for getting her beloved brother hurt, so she'd stayed.

She didn't have to wait long, but long enough to be very nervous by the time the barn door opened. Her mother entered, followed by the healer and one of the village elders.

"How's Lyceus? Will he be all right?"

"Yes, child," the healer answered. "He'll be back on his feet in a couple of days."

"You both were lucky, this time," the elder continued. "You and your brother could have been seriously injured, just imagine you would have collided with one of the knife blocks." Xena's eyes found the ground. "You know, you were absolutely irresponsible and you should have known better. Your younger brother is your responsibility; and for you to easier learn, your mother asked us to bear witness of your punishment."

Meanwhile Cyrene had seated herself on a bale of hay, holding something in her hands, the girl never had seen before. It had a handle like one of the kitchen knives, widening to a plane round surface, the size of her hand, with old but well oiled leather on both sides.

"Come here, over my knees. Put your hands on your back, and try not to move. - When I left my home to open this inn, my father gave me this leather paddle. As a child I often felt its bite. He told me that one day I would need it to discipline my own children. I never before felt the need to use it."

While talking, her mother held her slender wrists in one hand and with the other stripped her of her breeches and scooped up her tunic.

And then it began. Xena bit her lips, determined not to cry or scream in front of these men. One stroke to the left, one to the right, one in the middle; one stroke to the left, one to the right, one in the middle.

She quickly lost count of the number of strokes finding their target, concentrating all her efforts on not showing any pain. But finally a single tear slipped out of her tightly shot eyes. It took a dozen or so more strokes to let her succumb to the tears, but even at age seven she was crying without making a sound.

Finally it was over, and her mother took her gently in her arm, whispering in her ear. "It's over now, little one. You did good."

"I'm sorry mother." The girl sniffled. "I didn't want this to happen. We'll find somewhere else to play, I promise."

"I know you're sorry now, but to enforce the lesson you'll spend the next two days with me in the kitchen, where you will sit and clean and slice vegetables, and in the evenings you will sit behind the bar and learn how to mend your clothes. - And now, stand up, and thank the witnesses that they sacrificed their time to see you punished."

"Yes, mother." Xena remembered the wave of shame and embarrassment cursing through her veins, the two men having slipped her mind completely. She did what she had been told, her face beet red with humiliation.