It is lonely even in the middle of a crowded room. I look around and see so many people that I know and interact with daily but still I feel so alone. I talk and joke with them but I feel detached and unemotional. What can be wrong with me that I find I can't relate with them enough to dispel this loneliness? I smile and move from group to group; making small talk and laughing when expected but my mind and heart are not into any of it. I feel empty and drained and have no idea why.

I laugh out loud while inside tears well up and nearly choke me but I hold them back so no one can see the pain inside of me. I want someone to reach inside and stop the hurt and loneliness but I don't know how to find this person or even if one exits. Loneliness hurts. It sears my soul and makes dark thoughts rampant throughout my mind. I watch as others hug and wonder how joyous that would be if I could just let them wrap their arms around me. Instead I draw back and block others attempts to pull me close.

That is not what I want. I want someone to complete the other part of me. I want to open my eyes and see someone looking at me with so much love that it takes my breath away. I want to feel my heart bursting at the seams with the thought of this person. But most of all I want someone that can take away the coldness in my heart and soul and fill me with flames and desire. I want to know the crushing warmth of arms holding me tight at night when I have nightmares and awaken in a cold sweat. I want someone kissing my face gently as I cry for no apparent reason. I want someone to let me rant and rave when I am aggrieved at life in general.

Until that time occurs and that one special person is found, I will continue to feel the stabbing, aching pain within my soul for what I am missing. I will continue being lonely even in the middle of a throng of people or a loud noisy crowd. I will hold myself aloof and watch as a spectator and not a participant. It hurts too bad to see everyone else moving about joyfully and blissfully while I moan inside with loneliness. So today I smile and circulate as if there is nothing wrong, wondering if I will ever escape this dismal feeling inside of me. Loneliness is slowly killing my soul. I wonder when it dies, where will I be?

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