~ Pain ~
by Shadylady


Disclaimer: No one was harmed in the writing of this tale. This is simply the ramblings of an introverted look at life in the wee hours of morning.

Dedication: This is dedicated to all women who may have a tale parallel to this one. It is dedicated to all the times that pain is hidden so deep that it is becomes like a raw wound that never heals. It is to remind us that hope exists even when life is at its worst.

Feedback welcome: the_shadylady_629@yahoo.com

There is loneliness in my heart that cries out for something that it cannot find. The deep despair resides that leaves an aching pain constantly nagging, never subsiding. My heart is a black hole where sadness drifts endlessly, looking but never finding what it needs to change the black, black darkness to lighter shades of gray. Tears fail to wash away the clinging bog of desperation when hope no longer exists or has been swallowed by pain so acute the entire body aches. Each breath is a reminder that an element is missing that would make my heart whole.

There is truth that no one ever died of a broken heart, but sometimes living is worse than death. I go through life living a lie, making myself look happy and unconcerned, carefree and light spirited but inside I break more each day. The scars scab over and cover each new rip in my heart making it stronger but still flawed. I smile to the world but bleed more inside where only I can feel the constant flow of emotions that keep sleep at bay and peace in another dimension. My spirit runs restless, looking for something to ground it to my soul. It searches constantly for any solace that will give just a moment of reprieve from the horrendous ache that stays perpetually in my chest.

Time heals all wounds, or does it? A wounded heart or wounded spirit may lessen over time, but the memories remain poignant, domineering, crushing to the surface when just an idle thought reminds me I am not whole.

Yet, I am a resilient entity, which has the internal power to handle what ever is cast my way. I may not have the means to lift this mantle of desperation today but tomorrow will always bring new hope. I can learn to hide my secrets, to push them deep inside of me, and look for the elements of life that can substitute while I work on bringing darkness out of the shadows into the rays of light. It is hard to see hope today, but each passing day helps heal the agony inside of me and one day soon, I will know that I have moved on. I will awaken and the familiar, constant band of pain that squeezes my heart with each breath will be less tight and the pain not as acute. It will be tolerable. It will be at that point that I know I can move on, knowing it will always hurt but also knowing how very much that makes me feel alive. I would rather have loved once than never loved in my lifetime and for that, I will always be grateful.

Feedback welcome: the_shadylady_629@yahoo.com

Copyright © 2003 by Shadylady. All Rights Reserved



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