This is written in love and respect for my new friend Wizzy. She has given an added dimension to my life by sharing laughter and friendship. She has taken time to answer all my really stupid questions while making sure I understand the answers. None of the names have been changed to protect anyone that thinks of themselves as innocent because no one fits that description.

It is a long, hot summer in an old southern town. The crype myrtles are in bloom adding a fiery red color to the heat of the day giving the illusion of a burning bush.

The date is Tuesday, July 28, 2003. It is the regular meeting of the Baptist Church Ladies Auxiliary, what a misnomer. The group consists of several women of the church who take personal responsibility for the moral behavior of the town's local citizens. There is DD, the leader of matrons in town. Then T and Major who both had young children whose minds they hope to salvage. Next comes Shadylady, a previous sinner who has just recently been brought into the flock. Then Faeire, who is finishing high school and moving into the matronly group. Among the rest of the group is Deranged Buttercup who, although strong in the Church, slips occasionally and has to be frequently reindoctrinated. There are the General and Kaptain, who are linked together like Siamese twins so that it is impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Bionic T is a long time member with her new, redesigned knee, which continues to give her hell. Grasshopper and Vee are also in the group but being newly committed to one another, neither one of them can break away from each other long enough to attend the present meeting. They find with every five miles they travel, they have to stop on the sixth just to make out. NeNe and Sammy are members but generally can be found so deep in conversation they don't have time to meet with the rest of the group. Finally, Lari makes up the last member of the group. She currently is bitching about being bumped off AOL every time she signs on. She is swearing that she is going to have to hurt the little bastard school kids who are keeping the network bogged down.

Today is a special day because one of its members has invited a newbie to come to the meeting, a true "SINNER" that they can mold and confirm to their own beliefs. But the question is just what are those beliefs.

The meeting is being held at DD's mansion. She is the only one of the citizens that has a nice cool finished basement in which the group can meet.

***********

T and Faerie hop into Faerie's yellow HummVee and race across town to get there in time to set up the snacks and the room. As Faerie guns into the driveway on two wheels, T hangs onto her side of the door hoping she wouldn't be slung out onto the mossy pavement. The Hummer screeches to a stop, propelling T forward into the dashboard, bumping her forehead sharply against the window. Faerie leaps out of the car and races around to T's door. By the time she gets there, T is already making her way out. She seems slightly groggy and is having a little difficulty standing under her own power.

"Damn that hurt", she thinks as she rubbed her forehead.

Faerie stands directly in front of her and yells "HOW MANY FINGERS DO YOU SEE?"

For some reason people seem to think you lose your hearing when you bump your head. Instead it has a tendency to loosen ones libido. It allows the little sexual devil to escape unnoticed from within. Inhibitions fall away.

T replies "triple F".

Faerie not understanding asks what she means.

"I mean four fucking fingers," replies T as she continues up to the house.

Faerie is too shocked at this point to say much more and proceeds to follow her into the house.

*************

Meanwhile Shadylady is running around late as usual. She is to bring the black duffel bag with the prayer books and lessons to be discussed at today's meeting. She is looking forward to this meeting because she knows what a real sinner the newbie is since they used to run around frequently together before the church had brought her back into the fold.

"God damn (lord forgive for using your name in vain) but where the hell is that black bag", mutters Shadylady to herself as she digs through her messy closet. Her husband had been on a cleaning jag again so everything had been stuffed back into the closet out of site until someone would drag it out again.

Finally, Shadylady catches a glimpse of the black handle sticking out from under all the shoes thrown haphazardly onto the floor of the closet. She reaches in and grabs it making a quick turn in order to race out the door to get to the meeting on time.

She slams out the front door and jumps into her old 72 Volkswagen. Gunning the motor she jams the gear into second gear (she stripped out the first gear months ago) and takes off with a jerk, racing toward DD's house. She swings past the local airport, knowing that she is to pick up Lari as she flies in from West Virginia. She sees her standing on the curb with her black duffel bag in her hands. Screeching to a halt, she pushes open the door, hollering at the same time for Lari to get her ass in gear since they are late. Lari drops her bag over the seat as she climbs into the Volkswagen. They are off to DD's.

As they pull into the drive, they see Major just getting out of her car. Major is carrying a brown paper sack that looks just like the ones that the liquor store carries.

Shadylady can't hold back her curiosity and finally asks Major what she has in the bag.

"Well, now you know I came down special from Kentucky for this indoctrination of the newbie into the church. I brought a gallon of Old Taylor whiskey as a gift for DD's husband for allowing us to use his basement again." drawled Major.

"That is mighty sweet of you but Mr. DD is out of town. Said he didn't want to be anywhere around for this here hen party." returns Shadylady.

"It doesn't matter. I'll just carry it in and he can get it later.," answers Major.

"Good idea. Well, let's go on in. I wonder if Deranged is here yet with our guest." Shadylady remarks as she leads them both through the front door.

*****************

Meanwhile, Deranged Buttercup has taken her pickup out to the new recruit's house to bring her to the meeting. After arriving at the residence, she pounds on the door, hollering, "Wizzy, get your ass out this door this minute. You promised me you would go see these ladies today and at least listen to what they have to say."

"Nope, ain't gonna do it. You can't hold me to somethin I said while I was skunk drunk on Nyquil." responds Wizzy.

"If I have to come in there, tie your ass up in restraints and drag you down these stairs by your tits, then so help me I will. Now get your fucken ass out this door." Buttercup is quickly loosing what patience she has. "And I mean right fucken now, not ten minutes from now"

"But I gots to at least change clothes. I can't go to that churchified shit dressed in a wife beater shirt, me work boots and me old jeans." whines Wizzy.

"Well you sure as hell should have thought of that earlier. It way too late, so get you ass in gear and get out the damn door."

"But I got to leave a note for Deb. I am supposed to be meeting her at Wally World"

"Nope, we'll call her later when she gets back from Wally World. Since you hung your bra over the rear view mirror last time she took you, I don't think she even cares where you are right now. You embarrassed the hell out of her ass last time." Now get on out here and let's go." saying that Deranged grabs Wizzy by the back of the jeans and pulls her backward out the door toward the truck.

"Awright, already, I'll come just let me get to my feet."

Moving briskly, they both climb into the truck taking off toward DD's house.

***************

Back at DD's house, unusual things are beginning to happen that have never happened before. DD is astonished at the language that T is using. Every other word is a four-letter cuss word or worse. Faeire tries to explain about T bumping her head but DD just shakes her head in disbelief.

Meanwhile Major places her package on the table and walks over to be sure that the chairs are arranged appropriately in the circle. T walks past the table, taking a glass of punch as she stands at the end of the table.

"Damn, this tastes like watered down piss," remarks T to herself. "I need to do something about this." She reaches over to the bag Major placed on the table. Looking inside, T chuckles to herself in glee. She screws off the cap of the Old Taylor and proceeds to pour at least half of it into the punch bowl. Stirring it with her fingers, she samples a small amount thinking to herself how much better it tastes.

As T ladles the punch into the glasses for the other women, the door opens and Deranged drags forward the reluctant Wizzy.

"Ladies, this piece of shit, oops , I mean person, is Ms Wizzy. She is going to be our new crusade. Her wild ways need to be curbed. She has been spending hours on the Internet looking at porn sites that she insists is all research. She has spent days in relentless torture of T over some damn spiders. And I can't begin to mention what she does with all the new recruits that sign up on a well-respected fan list called Fans Of Fate. Her behavior must be changed." says Deranged introducing Wizzy to the ladies in the room.

"Welcome to the meeting," replies T as she places a large glass of punch in Wizzy hand.

Not knowing what else to say, Wizzy accepts the glass. Upon taking her first sip, her eyes open wide with shock at the taste of liquor in the punch. Well, unfamiliar with how the meetings usually go she shrugs if off and downs her drink in one continuous swallow. She glances around and notices that the other women seem to be drinking as quickly as she is. DD remarks that the punch certainly has a new taste and proceeds to refill everyone's glasses.

In a remarkable short time, the outstanding women of the community are drunk on their asses.

DD stands up, having to hold onto the back of the chair just to keep her balance. She turns to Shadylady and asks her to bring forth the bag so they can begin working with Wizzy. Shadylady stumbles to her feet, grabbing the black bag as she moves to the coffee table sitting in the center of ring of chairs. She unzips the bag and upends its contents onto the table.

Not one sound is heard. Eyeballs bulge at what ends up on the table. It looks as though Shadylady brought a huge sample of toys from the local adult toy store.

"Well damn," exclaims Shadylady, "how in the hell did these get here?"

Lari looks over at the items on the table. Blushing she says to the group, "That must be my bag you grabbed out of the car by mistake. Here, let me remove them and I'll go get the other bag."

Faerie jumps up and runs around in front of Lari. She sticks both arms out stopping Lari from moving forward. "Don't touch those items. I am here at this meeting to learn and by God I am going to learn what each one of those items is for."

Everyone nods in agreement, knowing that some items lying on the table had only been talked about but never seen.

Wizzy looks around the room at the drunken haze the group seems to be in. "Hee, hee, this could be fun," she says to herself as she rubs her hands together. "Well ladies, I think that my friend Lari and I can answer all your questions." "The only deal is that nothing and I repeat nothing you learn in here goes out of this room."

The women turn to one another and unanimously agree with Wizzy.

DD leans over to the table, picking up a flesh-toned dildo with harness. "Well gosh durn, I have never seen a hat as pretty as this." She utters as she straps the dildo to the top of her head.

Lari grabs her sides and doubles over in laughter. Those in the room who happened to know what the item is do not want to hurt DD's feelings so they leave her sitting there with a dildo sticking straight up from the top of her head.

Deranged Buttercup stands up and remarks that it isn't fair that Wizzy is there for indoctrination and she is being overlooked. T sways to her feet stating she sees no problem; they will just use what toys are in the bag on Wizzy.

Faerie loves the plan. She jumps up and grabs the cat-of-nine tails whip and snaps it briskly, making it pop like a firecracker. "Oh, I love noise and explosives. This is nearly as good as setting off bombs," she declares while cracking the whip again. The third time she cracks the whip it wraps snuggly around Wizzy's right thigh making her jump from the unexpected pain.


"Well damn, ladies. This is not what I expected and I think it's time for me to leave," Wizzy remarks as she backs slowly toward the exit.

Buttercup is standing directly behind her and grabs her by the arms hollering, "Come on Shadylady bring those restraints over here and let's tie her down. She ain't getting out of here that easily."

Together they grab Wizzy's wrists and quickly apply a foolproof set of restraints to her wrists. They are lined with fur and only fasten down tight enough to hold but not hurt Wizzy.

********************

Meanwhile, DD again looks through the items on the table. She picks up a latex female condom, having no idea what it is. She shakes it out looking at its size and dimensions trying to decide what is for. Then it comes to her, she has used something very similar to this the last time she had been out to eat lobster. She shakes out the item and proceeds to tuck it under her neck like a bib. So there we have poor DD, sitting back in her chair with a dildo sticking out of the top of her head and a condom tucked snuggly beneath her chin. The whiskey is taking its toll on DD. Within minutes, DD can be heard snarking softly while the rest of the group continues their activities.

Shadylady happens to spot a pair of strawberry edible underwear lying on the table. Drinking always makes her hungry so she picks up the underwear and starts eating. Nothing like, chewy, gooey, sugary underwear. Munching down, Shadylady is in hog heaven.

Meanwhile, T sweeps the remaining items off the table while Buttercup drags Wizzy over to the table. Faerie continues snapping the whip around Wizzy's legs. On occasion, Buttercup curses loudly when the whip hits her instead of Wizzy.

Lari continues to watch with glee, wondering just how far this little party was going to go. Hell, this is better than sending hate mail to AOL and Yahoo.

As Wizzy is forced face down onto the coffee table, Major picks up the bottle of body massage oil. Buttercup takes hold of Wizzy's t-shirt and tears it down the middle exposing her back to Major. Buttercup didn't have to worry about the bra since it was still hanging on the mirror in Deb's car. Major pours the oil into her hands, rubbing them together to heat up the oil. She steps up beside Wizzy who is still trying to rise from the table.

Faerie's whip lashes out, hitting Wizzy on the buttocks. "Lie still or I may forget that I am a nice person," orders Faerie as she again hits Wizzy.

By now Wizzy is fed up with being manhandled and forced into submission by this group of sanctified women, "Sanctified, my ass," thinks Wizzy. "I am going to beat the shit out of each one of them just as soon as I get loose."

Major leans forward and slowly starts massaging Wizzy's back. She makes slow circular motions with just enough pressure to penetrate the mass of muscles in Wizzy's back. "Hum, maybe, just maybe, I'll lie here for a few minutes until I decide how I can get loose," deliberates Wizzy to herself as she luxuriates in the touch of Major's hands.

Meanwhile, T picks up a vibrator that is shaped and painted like a dolphin. "Ohhhh I so love dolphins." Turning to Wizzy she declares, "Hey fucktard, do I have a fish story for you."

As Major continues to massage Wizzy's back, T turns on the vibrator and lightly runs it over the same areas that Major is covering. Wizzy shivers with the new sensation, wondering just how much she can tolerate without begging for more.

Faerie drops her whip, fascinated with the new toy T holds in her hands. She thinks to herself, "I have just got to get me one of those. Wonder who I can find to drive me to the next town so no one will know what I'm buying?"

The room is deadly quiet for a change. Lari is watching in fascination, wondering how long and how far the action is going to be carried out. T is continuing her circuit with the vibrator over Wizzy's back. Shadylady is already starting on her second pair of underwear and can't say a word with her mouth full. Buttercup keeps reaching down to make sure the restraints haven't come loose. Major is just in the process of sliding Wizzy jeans down so she can reach more area. DD is still sleeping disturbing the room only by her snoring. Faerie is taking notes; she doesn't want to miss anything.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Casey and Big Bertha come striding into the room. Casey shouts loudly, "Step back away from my little darling. I have come to claim my woman. Don't any of you put one more hand on her or Big Bertha is gonna beat your ass from here and back."

Casey strides forward, reaching out to pat T on the ass as she passes by. "Don't think I am through with you yet, either." she mumbles to T under her breath. She shoves Major and Buttercup back out of the way, whipping open her knife as she proceeds to cut Wizzy loose.

Wizzy sits up slowly holding her shirt to the front of her chest. "OH MY GOD, what are you doing here?" She gasps when she turns and sees Casey with Big Bertha.

"Why little darling, you know we can't stay away from our first sweetheart. After all this is your special day. We have come cross-country and back just for this." She grabs Big Bertha pulling her close.

"Okay Bertha on the count of three, One. Two. Thaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."


HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIZZY!!!!!!!!!!!


"Oh my God, who told you?" is all the Wizzy can say as the rest of the group crowds around in one great big group hug.

They know this is the beginning of a great new friendship, the start of a journey to unknown riches, to be treasured with laughter and support, being there for one another when help is needed.

Finally the scene closes on the Ladies Auxiliary as they continue to celebrate Wizzy's birthday long into the night.

************************************************************************

Wizzy, may you have the best Birthday possible with many happy returns.


Shadylady