I'm so nervous. She will be here any second now. I need to get my heart under control before it beats out of my chest or she will figure out that I love her and never want to be my best friend again. I look at the clock again and the second hands ticks by never stopping or giving me a breather. Time stand still for no one, not even if it was to save one's life.
Deep breathe in, deep breathe out. My hands are so sweaty that I grab a paper towel. As I wipe my hands off I twist the poor multi colored paper into shreds. I see small wisps of paper fall to the floor. Damn it, need to get that cleaned up before Jackie gets here.
I know I'm a little compulsive when it comes to a clean house, but I like things in order. I can't help but laugh because I know she comes in here and just to drive me nuts she flips my magazines and nudges my hanging pictures just a bit so I will have to straighten them.
I know she does that to throw some sort of change in my life, but she has enough for both of us. I can feel at times when we are together that she is seeking out something to ground her. To make sure she stays sensible. I am that for her. I just wish I could do more for her, to show her that the love she is getting everywhere else is garbage compared to what she could have with me. We could be each other's support, lover and friend. But more than that, we would be each other's soul mate.
But could I be enough for her? Could I make her want me? Would I full fill her sexually? Oh God maybe it's a good thing she doesn't know how I feel. I don't want to ruin our friendship because of my crazy feelings.
Is that a knock I heard? No, just some damn car door. She doesn't drive here. She walks. I would love to have those long legs wrapped around me, those strong hands holding me. I need to stop getting myself all worked up. I won't be able to do anything about it because she will be here driving me insane with need, and not even realizing she is in my dreams, naked making love to me all night long.
I look over at my computer and see my journal; the only thing in this world that knows my true heart felt feelings. I write in it everyday about how much I wish she would be mine. I write down my dreams of a love so large yet not in existence.
Oh damn that was her knock. She is here. Can I keep myself together? Will she be able to tell how I feel by the way I look at her? Here goes nothing. Just answer the door and act like nothing is going on. Have to be myself and act like it is just any other Sunday.
She is standing in front of me with flowers in her hand. She has never brought me flowers. Oh God she is coming closer. Her hands are on my face. She is leaning towards me. Oh God. I am in heaven. She is kissing me. My dreams have come true. I need to pour as much love as I can into this kiss. Need to show her I love her.
Where is she going? My eyes don't want to open for fear that the kiss is a dream, but I hear her voice.
"Shannon, my friend, I love you with my entire heart and soul."
Thank you God! I reach out, taking her hand in mine saying "It's about time you realize that." I pull her into the apartment and my life begins anew with my best friend, my lover, my world. Time for a new life. The one I always wanted. With her.
I close the door after she passes the threshold. I lean up against the wooden door and watch her looking at me. I can't help but smile shyly at her. I have never been so nervous in my life. Where do we go from here? Do I lean into her like I have dreamed of doing for ages? No, I want her to make LOVE to me. Yet I am scared everything will change between us.
"I'm scared." I say quietly to her.
I can see that little smirk I love as she steps closer to me. She whispers back, "I am too, but we don't have to do anything but talk and share what is in our hearts. The physical part is only a small part of what I want our love to be about. Don't get me wrong, I want to ravish you here and now, but this is something so much more than that." She takes my hand and guides me to the couch. She continues as we sit down, "I don't just want our bodies to know one another. I want your heart and my heart to beat as one, our souls to be joined together to never be broken apart."
Is it any wonder why I fell in love with her so many years ago?
I cannot believe the past couple of months. It has been the best in my entire life. Jackie has shown me a side of her that I never thought I would get to see, the romantic side. I have never received so many flowers in my life. My favorite gift though is the delicate gold necklace she surprised me with last week for my birthday. The diamond shaped heart that now rests against my heart. It keeps her here even when she is not.
We have gotten to know each other even on a deeper level. I feel her in every thing I do. When I breathe, she is the air. When my heart beats, she is the blood that pumps through my body.
Tonight is the night we take the final step with each other. We have not talked about it. We just know that it will be. Our souls will be entwined from this night and for eternity.
I hear her coming up the stairs. The second to the bottom step always squeaks a little. I am so nervous. My heart is going a million miles a minute. Again I wonder. Am I going to be good enough? Will I be enough woman for her? Will she find my naked body attractive? I could never compare with all the beautiful women she has been with. I see the scars from when I lost my baby. Oh God what happens if she wants a baby? I can't give that to her. Will she hate me because of it?
I lift my head to watch her push open the door to my, no, our room. The look in her eyes when she sees me sitting on the bed is nothing short of pure passion. All doubt leaves my head as she steps closer to me in nothing but a long red robe. I shut off my computer and turn to her.
"My dreams have come true." I say gently to her.
"Yours and mine both." She whispers to me as she traces a finger along the necklace and to the diamond heart. "Tonight I will give you anything you want."
I reach up and untie the robe's sash. "You all ready have." The first contact of my hand on her skin causes me to take a deep breath. "I have you. I love you."
She bends down and kisses my lips. Her lips trail down my bare shoulders. Gently, she guides me to the bed. The softness of the navy blue comforter is nothing compared to the softness of her lips on my neck. She nudges my legs apart and rests her bigger body on mine. I can feel her heart beating against mine as our breasts touch and caress each other. Her hot breath and soft wet lips trail down to a waiting nipple.
My body has craved for her touch and now it was getting what it wanted. My skin has never felt so sensitive. It burns to feel her touching me. Every cell in my body is hers to do with as she pleases.
The light touch of her hand on my thigh makes me tremble. I can feel my body flow with excitement as a finger brushes gently across my nether region. When the lone finger touches my center of desire it makes my entire body hum with energy. My body convulses with the pleasure she is giving me. I feel her nip at my hard nipple before she lets go and kisses her way down my stomach past my belly button. She looks up at me with love and lust written across her face before she replaces her finger with her mouth.
"Jackie." I yell out as my body jerks and shudders. I have never let anyone make love to me in this manner. She is my first and will be my only one to touch me in this manner.
I feel her finger circling my opening. I want her in me. I want her to be deep inside me, caressing me and loving me. Then I feel her enter me with love and tenderness. I reach out to grab onto anything I can. My body has never felt such ecstasy or love.
The fire deep within my core builds up like a volcano's lava. It needs a way out. The finger and tongue touching me are the hot steam putting pressures on the weakest cracks. The trembling of the earth tears open my world and I tumble out screaming and gasping.
I can't believe what just happened. I was taken around the universe and back again. I felt the intense love she had for me by the gift she just gave me. I cannot wait to give it back to her.
I feel her body shift from its warm place in between my legs. She places butterfly kisses all along my body until I feel her looking at me. I open my eyes and smile like I have never smiled before. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" I say to her with all the love in my voice I can give.
She leans down and places a kiss above my heart. "As much as I love you."
"My turn now." I use what strength I have to roll us over. I sit up and straddle her hips. Slowly I trace a finger around her perfect breasts, across her pert nipples. Her fingers caress softly up my thigh and stop when I take one of her nipples into my mouth. It is even better than I dreamed.
My dreams are nothing compared to the reality of this moment. I am here right now making love to the only person who has held my heart for years. My senses are so attuned to her, the salty taste and texture of her skin. I hear the low moans coming from deep inside her as I make may way all over her body. I can smell her essence and it drives me to want to give her the ultimate release that she has given me. I move lower between her legs. She is so soft and slick. My first taste of her is amazing. For the rest of my life I will be drawn to this taste. I will crave it. I will demand it. I will live for it. As I listen to her cry out my name in release, I know that she will always be my best friend, my lover, my world.
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