The ride to the Southern tribe was brutal for Gabrielle. Eve and Myrrine did their best to stop the bleeding after removing the knife. Eve stitched it tightly and made certain it was clean. The wound was deep and Eve was concerned about infection. There was no telling how dirty the knife had been. She was anxious to get to the village and hoped that Xena fared better than they had. She had instructed Lysandra to ride in the cart with Gabrielle and Gabriel. She trusted the amazon and she knew that her affection for Gabrielle would make her both a comfort as well as a strong protector.
"Wake up," Eve coaxed Gabrielle who had become so weak she could not keep her eyes open. She leaned into her ear, "Mother… you have to…. Gabrielle… wake up…. Gabriel is watching… wake up."
At the mention of the boy's name the Amazon Queen forced her eyes open.
"I have to take the knife out," Eve said. Gabriel was shaking. He couldn't cry. He couldn't remove his eyes from his auntie. "Lysandra, take Gabriel and clean him up." The boy had blood all down his back from Gabrielle's wound.
Lysandra went to take the boy's hand and he shouted, "NO!"
"Gabriel," Eve counseled strictly, "Go with Lysandra."
Gabriel was as strong willed as any member of the family and he planted his feet firmly on the ground folding his arms in protest. "I'm not leaving Auntie Gabby," he said forcefully.
Eve watched as Gabrielle fought to stay awake. "Gabriel," Eve began again.
A crackly voice picked up her thoughts, "My, Gabriel…" Gabrielle called to him, "Come here."
He tentatively leaned into his grandmother as she reached out and took his small hand, "You listen to your mother now… go on… I'm not going anywhere, my love… I promise. Go on."
Eve covered her mouth with her hand. He nodded his understanding but his reluctance to leave remained evident. He looked at his mother for reassurance. "I will take care of Auntie Gabby," Eve said touching his face. "Go with Lysandra."
When he was out of sight and well out of earshot Eve looked at Gabrielle.
"Is he away?" Gabrielle struggled to whisper.
"Yes."
"Do it, then."
Eve's hand began to shake. She knew that the moment she released the knife the blood would begin to flow again, but leaving it in increased the risk of infection. There was no choice. Myrrine grabbed cloths from a satchel and stood at the ready to apply pressure. Eve looked at Myrrine to insure she was prepared. "All right…on three…." She leaned down again into Gabrielle's ear, "I'm sorry." Gabrielle just offered a crooked smile. "One…two…three..." she pulled with force and the knife came out. Blood spewed in the air as she feared and Myrrine moved into position to cover the wound, firmly pressing the queen's shoulder.
Tears spilled as freely as the blood, but the pain was so intense that no sound, almost no air could escape the bard. Eve put her head on Gabrielle's. She felt sick. They needed now to pick up the pace even more. Gabrielle needed a healer and she needed rest. Travel was not an asset in her condition and Eve knew it.
The ride in the cart was uncomfortable for everyone. Eve resumed the position at the front with Varia driving from behind. The tribe had a renewed sense of purpose and a renewed energy. Keeping the pace proved less difficult than Eve had feared. She hated being separated from the family but she knew it was necessary. Just as Gabrielle had been willing to do anything to protect her; she would give her life for her family.
The cart jostled and hopped. Gabriel sat next to his auntie. He stared at her. She hadn't stirred in some time and even he could not seem to get her to rouse even with his attempt at constant chatter. He looked over at Lysandra and she smiled at him. He was embarrassed to admit he was afraid, but the amazon could see it in his small eyes. "Is she going to die?" he asked looking back at Gabrielle.
Lysandra swallowed hard. She was thinking of her own mother. She didn't remember much about her except her eyes and the hole that she felt for such a long time after she had passed. Losing Gabrielle was unthinkable. "No, Gabriel. Your auntie is tough… she just needs rest." In another circumstance Lysandra would have thoroughly believed that to be the truth, but she knew the longer it took to arrive the greater the chances that Gabrielle would not fare well.
"You look tired," Lysandra said. "Take a nap for a while."
He touched Gabrielle's hand. It was enough to make her stir slightly and she squeezed his finger. She couldn't open her eyes but she could hear the entire conversation. He leaned into her and whispered, "Auntie?"
Her lips curled slightly, "Lie down, my love," she answered hoarsely. Lysandra watched as the boy placed his head against the queen's chest and the queen seemed to take on a peaceful presence that masked her pain for a moment. The amazon wiped a tear and prayed… prayed to the god of Eli that everything would be all right.
With little to carry and no battle to fight Xena and Virgil made record time reaching the Southern Amazons. The scouts had arrived a day earlier and the tribe was expecting the arrival of Varia's tribe. Xena, was of course, a legend here as well. It was a good thing because Virgil seemed to be quite the commodity. The inexperienced young tribe found a male presence fascinating and during the two days the pair waited for their party to arrive; Xena had to act as his 'defender' more than once.
The sun was just beginning to break when the sound of hoofs and wheels penetrated the small village. Xena was up and about as usual tending the fire in front of the hut that she and Virgil were given. A wide smile began to creep across the warrior's face in anticipation. She was relieved at the sound and anxious to see Gabrielle. Just a few days apart had been too long. She called to Virgil and headed for the path that led out of the village.
Immediately her heart sank. It was Eve, alone at the front of the march. She was riding Sappho and her command of the horse told the warrior everything she needed to know; Eve the messenger, had needed to be Eve the warrior. And only one thing could have caused that to happen. Eve saw her mother's expression and bowed her head slightly in acknowledgment as she approached. Virgil was running to catch up to Xena and calling to her, "Hey… geezzz…" his tone immediately changed at the sight of his wife astride Gabrielle's mare.
"Eve?" Xena questioned with urgency.
Eve looked at her mother. "She's alive." Eve could see her mother release her breath. She motioned behind her. Xena nodded her understanding and sprinted through the lines to the cart, leaving Virgil with his wife. He stared up at her and she sighed. He offered his hand and pulled her to him as she dismounted. "What happened?" He asked.
Eve just shook her head, "Not now."
Xena reached the cart and peered in. Lysandra swung her legs to the side to exit and allow the warrior access. Gabriel was still asleep on the bard. Gabrielle was frighteningly pale. The color in her face almost completely gone. Xena climbed into the cart and gently shook the boy.
"Grandmother?" he sighed. She smiled at him as best she could. "Auntie Gabby got hurt."
"I know." Xena replied. "I need to see, Gabriel, okay?"
"Are we there?"
"Yes, you're here… go find your mother. I promise I will take good care of your auntie."
He looked at Gabrielle and back at Xena. Xena could see that the boy was afraid to leave and she widened her smile, "I promise, Gabriel."
He bent down and kissed Gabrielle on the cheek. "I love you, auntie," he whispered.
Xena felt a tear fall as the boy wiggled out of the cart. She climbed in next to Gabrielle and touched the bard's face.
"Oh, Gabrielle…. Lysandra." She turned to the Amazon standing at the front of them, "What happened?"
Lysandra shook her head. "I didn't see….she took a knife in the shoulder shielding Gabriel."
Xena gently lifted the bard and removed the loose covering. "Whoever stitched it did a great job…. Looks like Gabrielle's handiwork."
"Eve…" Lysandra offered, "Eve did it."
"Of course she did…Lysandra we need to get her into the hut. She's warm. She needs a poultice and we need to find a way to hydrate her."
Lysandra moved to the cart's opening. "Xena… is she…"
"She'll be all right as long as we get her treated."
Lysandra helped Xena gently move Gabrielle to the edge of the cart. Xena gently lifted the bard into her arms.
"Xena," Lysandra began, "let me get you some help."
Xena looked down at Gabrielle's face, "I'm fine, Lysandra, really." She carried Gabrielle past the Amazons and to the front the line where she met Virgil and Eve. Virgil looked at the sight of the limp bard in Xena's arms and felt his stomach turn.
"Oh God, Gabrielle," he could not contain the thought.
"Virgil, go get the bed set." He took off running. "Eve - I need Glistritha to make a poultice. That will also help the fever."
Eve was walking beside Xena now. "All right," the messenger answered.
"Gabriel, you come with me," Xena said.
Eve looked surprised but Gabriel Xena's direction and dutifully followed. "Gabriel, run ahead. You will see you father in few paces at our hut."
"Mother, Gabriel might distract…"
"Eve, trust me… just get the herb."
Xena kept her pace steady until they reached the hut. She laid Gabrielle back on the bed and for the first time heard a slight whimper. The contact of the bed and the wound had roused the bard slightly. Xena bent over the bard and stroked her hair, "Like old times…hang in there, Gabrielle." She kissed the warm forehead. Virgil brought in a large basin of cool water. Xena soaked several cloths in it.
"Gabriel, come here." The boy moved slowly to his grandmother's side. She squeezed the cloth hard and handed it to him. "Listen…I want you to take this," she showed him the cloth, "Wipe your auntie's head gently with it until you feel it start to get warm," she demonstrated. "When it feels warm…. Dip it back in the cool water and squeeze it out….and do the same thing again. When the water feels warm to your hand…tell your father and he will get you more." The boy looked at the warrior wide eyed. "Do you understand?"
"Yes ma'am," he answered.
"Good man… you take care of your auntie now." He felt proud of his new role and he wanted to help. He started the process exactly as Xena told him too.
Virgil stood in the corner watching everything. "Virgil….get me that satchel."
He handed her a large satchel while keeping watch on his son with the bard. Xena was rummaging through looking for various herbs she had packed before they left the Amazon Village. Gabriel was intently repeating what Xena had showed him. He was silent at first but then Virgil could hear his whispering voice.
"I'll take care of you Auntie…like you took care of mother… you know in that story…"
Virgil started to head for the boy when Xena grabbed his arm. "Let them be."
"Xena… Gabriel will keep going…all day," he whispered.
"I know," Xena answered returning to the task of mixing herbs.
"Father!"
"Go get the boy some fresh water," Xena smiled.
Eve was entering as Virgil left shaking his head. "What's that all about?" Eve questioned. Xena just gestured with her head to the bed where Gabriel was prattling on to Gabrielle about some story.
"Oooohhh," Eve smiled.
Xena finished making the poultice and headed for Gabrielle. "Gabriel, now I want you to go and get some fresh cloths and some more cold water…very cold this time." He nodded and ran.
Xena called Eve to her and lifted Gabrielle up to rest against her. "Put the poultice on…if there is any infection or even any hint of poison, this should cure it…it will help with the pain a bit too." Eve positioned her mother's handiwork and Xena carefully led Gabrielle back down. "Easy, love," the warrior whispered.
"What do you think?" Eve asked.
Gabriel returned with a small bucket of icy water and two clean cloths.
"We've got to get her hydrated." Xena soaked a cloth and squeezed it gently leaving a good deal of water in it. She gently placed an end on the bard's lips and allowed it to drip slowly. It took several minutes but Gabrielle's lips started to part slightly allowing the water to seep in. "She'll be fine…just needs some rest…and so do all of you," Xena said.
"They have a hut all set for us," Virgil said to Eve. Gabriel got visibly nervous and tugged at Xena. "Come on, Gabriel," Virgil urged gently.
The boy looked at Xena with tears in his eyes and she sighed. She looked up at his parents. "It's all right Virgil… let the boy stay with his auntie. It's all right," she placed a hand on his small shoulders.
Eve grabbed Virgil's hand. She understood. Gabrielle would want to know that he was fine when she woke, and not just physically, and Gabriel needed to see that she was safe as well. "I'll meet you outside," Eve said. He acknowledged her with a quiet look of understanding.
Eve went to the bedside and looked at Xena. "Mother…"
Xena smiled. "Oh, Evey…I'm sorry this happened… I'm just glad you were there."
Eve smiled and leaned over to Gabrielle. "You know," she whispered, "I expect to hear a story in the morning….sleep well, my mother….."
The corner of Xena's mouth curled and her eye narrowed as it often did when something truly touched her heart. Gabriel reached up to his mother. "I love you, Gabriel," she said.
"I love you too," he said accepting her kiss.
Once they were gone Xena was able to relax a bit and that comforted the boy.
She pulled a large chair that somewhat resembled a sinking disk over to the bed. Gabriel was yawning but he very clearly did not want to take his eyes off Gabrielle. Xena lifted him to her lap for a better view. "She'll be all right, Gabriel. Really, she will."
He leaned his head against the warrior. "Grandmother?"
"Yes, Gabriel?"
"Why did my mother call Auntie Gabby, Mother?"
"Hummm…. She never did that before, huh?"
He shook his head as his eyes grew wide.
"Well, Gabriel… I guess because your auntie is her mother… and maybe she just needed to tell her that."
"But you're her mother."
Xena laughed. "That's true."
"But you can't have TWO mothers…that's impossible."
Xena laughed again. "Why is that?"
"Well, because… everybody has a mother and a father and everybody knows THAT."
Xena attempted a serious face. "Well, your mother doesn't have a father, does she?"
He thought long and hard. "I guess not."
"Hummm. Gabriel, what do you think makes someone a mother….or a father?"
"I don't know," he shrugged. "They just are."
Xena squinted. There was no need to explain the birds and the bees or any other combination that would explain how parents came to be parents. "That's right… but why is that? When you think of your mother and your father…what do you think of?"
He shrugged again. "Ummm… they take care of me…. They tell me what to do….sometimes they are bossy…"
Xena bit her bottom lip to contain her laughter, "…and…"
Another shrug, "Well… they love me."
"Mmmm. And even when they are… well…. Bossy, you say? You love them…"
He gave yet another shrug and nodded.
"So…then why can't your mother call Gabrielle, Mother?"
He thought long and hard, and oddly enough so did Xena. All this worry, all this time about who was what to whom and all the answers were in front of each of them.
"Then Auntie Gabby would be my grandmother…like you and Grandma…"
Xena pulled the boy close, "And you don't think that?"
"No… I know she is."
Xena was puzzled. "Gabriel, if you think of Gabrielle as your grandmother, why are you asking about your mother and Gabrielle?"
"I don't know… it's just different is all."
Xena laughed. Strangely enough his logic made sense to the warrior. All the adults in his life had done by their own worry was confuse things. He knew all he needed to know. He understood better than all of them. If they hadn't been so cautious about names and ages, descriptions and titles… well, he never would have even thought to ask his question.
"Thank you, Gabriel."
He looked at the warrior in astonishment. "What did I do?"
Xena just pulled him closer again. She looked over at Gabrielle who was moving on and off now. Amidst the chaos of their lives there remained great healing that occurred. So many years of pain and then healing… sitting with her grandson in her arms, looking at the woman she loved as she slept, the battles all seemed to fade. There would be days ahead that required healing again, for them all. As the warrior drifted away with the boy against her chest she knew, for once they would do their healing as a family.
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Chapter 34 - Messengers and Amazons
Varia sat across from Lysandra and Cynara, the Queen of the Southern Tribe. She was still frustrated with Lysandra for leaving her position in the line.
"I did what I had to," Lysandra said forcefully.
"No, you did what you wanted to."
"The Queen was in trouble."
"And your stunt solved that? ... Eve handled that like I told you she could."
Lysandra was angry, "Aren't you at all concerned that this is the SECOND time we have been attacked from within?"
Varia responded coolly, "Of course, I am. BUT, that is all the more reason you should have STAYED where Queen Gabrielle told you to. What would have happened if we had lost the supplies, Lysandra? Would that have helped Gabrielle? Eve? What would Queen Gabrielle have told you to do?"
Lysandra's face was becoming flush partly with guilt but mostly with anger. She slammed her fists on the table and stood. "You may be Queen, Varia, but there are some things you just will never understand." She stormed away.
Cynara looked at the other Amazon Queen. "What was that?"
Varia shook her head. "Perhaps I should have waited until Gabrielle was up and around…"
Cynara responded, "Do you think there are others?"
Varia stretched her arms over her head and sighed, "Likely."
"How are we supposed to protect them if we can't trust each other?"
Varia rubbed her face in her hands, "That IS the question it seems … I don't know. I am fairly certain Xena will have some thoughts on that. If anyone can figure out how to get to the root of this it's Xena."
Cynara looked worried. "Varia, I still don't understand how…"
Varia laughed out loud, "Cynara…. When it comes to Queen Gabrielle and Xena…. And well, anyone they know…. You are better off just accepting it as it comes." She shook her head. "Believe me… it's just safer."
"Safer? For who?"
Varia shrugged. "I understand your concern. Believe me… you will learn quickly... for now, I think we need to assess who we know we CAN trust. Who has been here the longest? We needs eyes and ears. If something seems 'off' - we need to…"
"Turn on each other?"
"No, but we need to be careful…"
Cynara's expression grew dark, "What of this woman you captured? The assailant?"
"I think we'll let Xena handle that tomorrow ... I doubt Queen Gabrielle will be up to it. Xena has a way of getting people to talk," Varia responded.
"So I've heard," the other Amazon Queen said.
Varia laughed, "She may not need the pinch after what Eve did."
Eve was outside washing Gabriel's shirt. She needed a few moments and to keep her hands busy. Her head was swimming with the sounds and the emotions of her brief battle. She had not been forced to use a weapon in a long time. It still came naturally and in many ways that reality bothered her. She also was preoccupied thinking about Gabrielle and Gabriel. Virgil had expressed his concern about burdening Xena with the boy while Gabrielle was still so ill, but Eve understood all of her mother's reasons. In many ways she was relieved. This gave her at least one night to recuperate herself and put her actions into perspective. She looked up from the large basin and saw Lysandra muttering and throwing rocks at a large barrel. She kept a distant watch for several minutes before deciding to approach.
"Hey…what did that barrel ever do to you?" Eve asked trying to lighten Lysandra's mood.
Lysandra looked at the messenger. "I should have had you both in the center… she should have let me…"
Eve's face became pensive and she pulled her lips tightly together. "Lysandra, Gabrielle will be fine."
Lysandra looked at Eve. Eve could see the fire in her eyes. "That's not the point, Eve. If you had been in the middle… she would not have had to…"
"If we had been in the middle, the attack would have come anyway. I would have had to try and fight and protect Gabriel. We don't even know if there are others….. We could have lost the supplies and lost Gabriel."
Lysandra looked away as Eve continued, "Gabrielle knew this might happen. That's WHY she wanted us at the front… it kept the assault isolated. It also made it more difficult. The front was littered with horses. She had to break those lines to reach us… if there are others; that helped to make them unsuccessful. That was the hope."
"You're telling me that she knew this would happen?"
"No… but she knew it was a possibility and so did I."
"Why would she put herself in that danger?" Lysandra was furious now.
Eve sighed. "Why did you leave your position when you thought Gabrielle was in danger?"
"I had to protect the Queen."
"Ooohh," Eve said with obvious disbelief, "Of course you did….. There weren't nearly a hundred amazons closer."
"I didn't know if you…"
"If I'd fight?" Eve leaned against the barrel. "Well, I suppose that's fair…but that isn't why you broke ranks with Varia and raced to the front."
"Of course…"
"Lysandra…you were afraid for Gabrielle… your instinct was to protect her… not because she's Queen, because she's Gabrielle…..That's the same reason she had Gabriel… that's why we stayed together."
Lysandra was silent as she contemplated the messenger's words.
"I'll bet Varia was pretty angry," Eve gently suggested.
"Understatement."
"Mmm… she'll get over it."
"I don't know…"
Eve smiled and took the rock that remained in Lysandra's hand away. "She will… she's not as hard as she pretends to be."
"Gabrielle is going to hate me…"
Eve smiled and shook her head, "I doubt that," she winked. Lysandra looked at the messenger for reassurance. "I have never known Gabrielle to HATE anyone… and she certainly would never hate you… for what? For loving her? You know that's not true."
"She won't be happy."
Eve laughed, "Well, she hasn't always been happy with me either… but she still loves me."
"It's different."
Eve smiled. "Mmm… well…I guess it is, a bit… but if the worst thing you do, Lysandra is follow your heart… I think you can rest easy that all will be forgiven."
"Eve?"
"Yeah?"
"Were you afraid? ... Fighting today?"
Eve closed her eyes to summon the answer, "No. But that isn't necessarily a GOOD thing, Lysandra.'
Lysandra nodded. "I didn't know…"
"We all have a past, my friend… all of us. Today mine may have saved my family's life. Ironic, really."
Lysandra was puzzled. "There are bigger things to worry about now, Lysandra. Get some rest. This is far from over," Eve touched the Amazon's hand and headed back toward the hut she was sharing with Virgil. "And, Lysandra…. I meant what I said to you earlier…"
Lysandra did not understand and searched the messenger for her meaning. "I am lucky to have my parents… you're right it is different… but you got something from my mother that I would give anything for…"
Lysandra peered at the messenger with a questioning gaze, "You may have had a rough start… but as a child; you got Gabrielle… I got Rome… if you want to know why I wasn't afraid and you… you were… that's why… Be grateful." And she was gone.
Chapter 35 - The Warrior Peacemaker
Eve was restless. Virgil knew that she was struggling with the reality if the trip, with her need to raise a weapon, with Gabrielle's injury and Gabriel's exposure to all of it. But, how to reach out to her was not clear. Eve could be very reflective and quiet but even with years of quiet meditation she had a temper. He understood that her emotions were raw and he needed to proceed cautiously. She was sitting on the bed fidgeting with the blankets and furs.
Virgil slowly made his way to her with a cup of tea. "Here," he offered it to his wife, "Help you relax a little."
Eve graciously accepted and watched him walk over to his sword and place it safely by the bedside table.
"Do you really think we need that next to the bed?" she asked.
Virgil looked at his wife tentatively and sat down next to her. "After hearing what little I know and seeing Gabrielle… yes, I do."
Eve sighed and shook her head in disgust.
"I'm sorry," he said earnestly, "I just feel better knowing it is within my reach."
"Someday," Eve started as she laid back and rolled to her side, "I would just like to sleep with no weaponry in view and no need of it."
Virgil rubbed his forehead as if trying to compel his thoughts and words forward from his mind. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay….I am just glad you and Gabriel are safe."
"Well… Gabrielle paid for that… and are we? I mean really, Virgil - are we safe? Are we ever SAFE?" Her voice was calm and low but her disgust permeated every syllable.
"What do you mean?
Eve let out a breath of exasperation. "Sometimes, Virgil…. I honestly wonder if we would all be safer with Livia the Conqueror of Rome than with Eve the Messenger of Eli."
He felt his stomach knot and rise into his chest, "You don't mean that."
She sighed and turned to face him. Nose to nose she responded, "No… I don't. But…."
Virgil caressed her cheek. "You did what you had to do."
"I hesitated…." She said.
"What?"
"Gabrielle sensed the attack before I did… she brought Sappho about to shield Gabriel and give me time to……" her thoughts trailed back into her mind, "I wasn't ready…if I had been…."
"Stop. You know better than anyone that Gabrielle would be furious if she heard you… if you even thought that her injury was your fault."
"Not my fault, Virgil.., that rests with the Phoenician…..But my responsibility… and don't patronize me… you know what I mean."
He kissed her on the forehead. "Maybe when this is over… now with Xena back…"
"Maybe…"
Eve got very quiet and closed her eyes.
"What are you thinking?" Virgil asked.
"Gabriel…. And Lysandra…"
"Oookaay."
She opened her eyes again. "I wonder what I would be like… who would I be if they raised me, Virgil…..You see it…. The way Gabrielle is with Gabriel…. The way she is with Lysandra…"
He interrupted, "The way she is with YOU…"
"Yes," Eve confessed, "But I was not a child with them… Did you see my mother today with Gabriel? The way she gently calmed him and let him nurture Gabrielle?"
"I did…"
"I never had that… I had swords. I had books… I had lutes and lyres, I played with daggers and learned to kick and throw… how to be fast and protect myself…. That was Rome… there was no nurturing… no compassion… I was raised to BE Rome, by Rome, Virgil…"
"Eve…. I know… but you're, you are their daughter…"
"Of course…. That isn't what I am saying….. "
"I'm sorry…Eve… I…"
She out her finger to his lips and continued, "Lysandra asked me if I was afraid… if I felt fear fighting that warrior." Virgil waited as Eve gathered herself, "I didn't…. I should have… but I didn't… once that sword was in my hand…I only felt its power… my power - Rome."
Virgil looked at his wife and she was surprised to see him smile. "But, Eve… you aren't Rome… you forget that you hesitated… you just told me that."
"Well, yes, but once…"
"Do you think after all of these years when I pull my sword and have it in my grasp - when Gabrielle pulls the sai… that we feel fear? We can't… we obey instinct… We never want to draw them, but once we do we have to be confident it was the right decision…. That's what happened today, Eve….. you could have killed her… you didn't … not because of tactics… because that is not WHO you are."
Eve stroked her husband's face. "You are…."
"I love you, Eve…. You… Rome may have taught you… but your heart was always your mother's."
"Which one?"
Virgil laughed, "Both……… We will get through this….I promise… We will… all of us…"
She smiled and collapsed into his arms… "I hope so," she whispered to herself.
Chapter 36 - Like Old Times - Sort of…
The sun was just beginning to peek through the small cracks in the hut when Gabrielle opened her eyes. She could feel the deep ache in her back and shoulder and decided it was best to move slowly. She brought her hand to her eyes and wiped the sleep from them. Xena was asleep; the boy comfortably wrapped in the warrior's embrace. Gabrielle couldn't help but smile. "Xena the early riser" she laughed quietly to herself -"Guess we know now what a young boy can do to that."
Gabrielle adjusted herself in the bed and tried to force herself to the sitting position. The pressure of her hand beginning to support her weight sent a shooting pain through her back and a groan escaped her lips. Xena jumped, startled. Gabriel was unflinching. "Gabrielle…" the warrior called with concern.
Gabrielle continued her motion upward and winced at the warrior, "Morning…."
Xena positioned Gabriel back onto the large chair. He huddled in a ball, never once opening his eyes.
"What are you doing? Xena asked making her way to the bed.
Gabrielle smiled at her warrior. Xena continued, "You took a good shot there."
"Mmmm… yeah … I can feel it," the bard chuckled with a hint of pain.
"You need to rest."
"Xena… we need to figure out how this happened." The bard gestured to the boy. "This is the second time that an 'amazon' has attacked…I don't have the luxury…"
Xena shook her head, "I know… I know you are worried… but, Gabrielle… we need you at full strength… you can't push it too fast…. You lost a lot of blood. You are likely to be weak for a few days."
Gabrielle could see the concern on her lover's face, "Old times, huh?"
"You heard that?"
Gabrielle gave a wink and nod and took Xena's hand. "I can't just lie here."
Xena let out a forceful sigh, "I know… I just want to…"
Gabrielle smiled. "I love you, Xena."
Xena showed her surprise by Gabrielle's words in the moment.
Gabrielle's smile only grew wider. "Well?" the bard asked. Xena looked at the bard, unsure and Gabrielle repeated, "I do love you…"
Xena gave a chuckle. "Mmmm…." She raised her eyebrow. "I am going to be watching you closely," the warrior promised.
"I am sure…"
Xena kissed Gabrielle on the head and let her lips linger for a long moment. The bard reached for Xena's hands and held them, closing her eyes and drinking in the healing feeling that Xena's touch always commanded. "I love you, Gabrielle… I wonder if you know…"
Gabrielle pulled the warrior's hands downward forcing Xena's eyes to her own. She wanted to speak, but she was immediately lost in the pools of blue before her. They had only been back together for a few days and already they had faced gods, had to part company, battled and dealt with injury. 'Why?' the bard wondered in her silent thoughts, 'Couldn't we just quietly make love… just for these first days?'
Almost as if reading her thoughts, Xena understood. She looked at Gabrielle and raised an eyebrow.
Gabrielle raised her own and pulled the warrior in for a kiss.
"Auntie…"a small muffled voice called.
Xena shivered at the response whispered in her ear, "to be continued... later."
Pain or not, the bard made her point very clear before turning to the child, "Come over here, Gabriel," she said.
"You're awake!"
"Yeah… it appears that way, doesn't it?" Gabrielle assured as Xena lifted the boy on the bed to sit next to her.
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes, Gabriel… it does hurt," she ran her fingers though his hair. "But I am all right… you took very good care of me."
He looked at Xena, eyes growing wide. "She hears EVERYTHING," the warrior winked.
"Like YOU," he exclaimed.
Xena laughed, "Yeah… maybe better sometimes," she raised an eyebrow at the bard who returned her affectionate glance.
"Are you hungry, Gabriel?" Xena asked. The boy gave his signature enthusiastic nod… "And what about you, auntie? …. Think you can manage something?"
Gabrielle's appetite, for once, was nonexistent but she knew that she needed to regain her strength and she was certain Xena would force rest even longer if she refused. "I could eat."
"All right, then - we have some work to do my boy."
A knock came on the door. "Gabriel - go let your mother in," Gabrielle instructed.
"How do you know it's my mother?"
Xena laughed… "It's your mother…"
Gabriel complied and to his delight his grandmother's had miscalculated… it was his father.
"See!" he said.
Virgil looked puzzled. "Come in Virgil," Xena looked at the boy conceding her momentary defeat, "You win."
Virgil tipped his head and shook it slightly in confusion. "Looks like you are feeling better," he said to the bard, "Gave us all a little scare there."
Gabrielle acknowledged him with a sigh and a smile, "Sorry about that."
"Eve will be here any minute," he explained. Xena looked at her grandson and gloated slightly which invited Gabrielle's laughter. Xena was even competitive with their grandson; some things would never change. Her laughter sent a jolt of pain through her shoulder and her body twitched slightly in response.
"Auntie?" the boy quietly questioned with concern.
She just smiled at him. "Where's Eve?" Gabrielle asked.
"She left early with Varia. Said she would bring breakfast when they were through."
Xena's look grew pensive and she looked at the bard. Gabrielle knew what was on the warrior's mind, but she also knew Eve. She suspected the time with Varia was not about battle plans, at least not entirely.
"Gabriel," Xena began, "Why don't you help your father get a fire started outside? I'll help your Auntie Gabby get up."
"Okay" he agreed grabbing his father and pulling him to the door.
Virgil turned back to Gabrielle, "Gabrielle…"
"Hummm?"
"Thank you."
She squinted and pursed her lips. There was no need of thanks. She and Eve had worked together to protect Gabriel and the bard would willingly give her life for either of them without hesitation.
As father and son made their exit, Xena turned back to her lover. "I was serious about you taking it easy," she scolded as Gabrielle managed to find her feet.
"Xena…. I cannot rest….. I can't…. not now. I need to talk to Eve."
Xena took a deep breath and rubbed her chin in thought. "Eve is all right."
Gabrielle stumbled slightly with a brief flood of lightheadedness and Xena flew across the room to catch her. "Gabrielle…" she urged with a whisper.
Gabrielle looked up into the warrior's eyes, feeling the strength of Xena's arms around her. "I wish you would never let go," Gabrielle admitted. It was selfish, she thought, but it was true. Everything disappeared, even the thought she was in the middle of the moment Xena's arms encircled her.
Xena looked at her tenderly. "You can't save them if you can't even stand….."
Gabrielle looked at her again and Xena continued, "I am not going to lose you again, Gabrielle."
The bard understood. "No, you are not."
They looked at each other for a long while, the warrior supporting the bard's weight before either spoke. "Xena…" Gabrielle paused and touched the warrior's cheek, "They need to see… all of them… that I am on my feet. This tribe is young… and this goddess…well, she's penetrated the trust… I have to…"
"I know," Xena understood what Gabrielle was saying. She was the queen of legend, whether that is what she desired or not. They had to see her stamina, her strength and her resolve. Distrust was likely to begin to spread amidst the amazons. The older would suspect the younger and the younger, less prudent might react foolishly. "All right, but you are to keep one of us with you…"
"No.."
"Gabrielle, don't argue with me…"
"Don't you argue with me, Xena. I have been doing this for eleven years without you… I know how to handle myself," catching the hurt expression on the warrior's face, Gabrielle realized the harshness in her words. She sighed and leaned her head into Xena's chest, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean that the way…"
A tear fell from Xena's eyes, "No… Gabrielle… it's true… I just still need to protect you… I don't know any other way…"
Gabrielle pulled back slightly and looked at Xena. "I don't want you any other way."
Xena closed her eyes and tried to still her emotions. Truth was passing between them now. The warrior's absence was devastating for her lover. That was a reality that neither could deny. There was still so much to say, so much they needed to express to one another. They'd barely had time to begin to reconnect when Xena left again. And, they were used to being alone so much of the time. Now, they were surrounded by what they always wanted in their hearts, but never learned how to navigate; a family. "I am so sorry, Gabrielle," Xena said choking back her emotion as best she could.
"No… enough with sorry… I need you to understand… I want you with me… but you need to work with Eve and find out how this happened… and who… I need to work with Cynara and Varia and build this tribe's confidence before I approach anyone in Egypt." Xena looked at the bard with glowing pride in the woman that she was. Gabrielle continued, "Get Lysandra…she will stay with me…"
"Umm.." Xena said. It made sense to have an amazon with the queen but Xena knew there was more to this, "Worried about our young friend?"
Gabrielle smiled, "No… she would make a fine queen one day… but she still needs guidance."
"Mmm…thinks with her heart…"
Gabrielle smiled, "Yes…" Gabrielle pulled away and grabbed a fresh top and Xena helped her get dressed, carefully avoiding contact with the gash on her back.
"You inspire that in people, you know," Xena answered tying off Gabrielle's halter.
"Speaking from experience?" the bard playfully responded as she made her way slowly toward the door.
"I am…… As you wish, My Queen…" Xena joked, "But you promise me… you will rest if needed… and early days…" Xena began to follow
"I think I told you already," Gabrielle turned and smiled as she headed out the door, "I already have plans for the evening…"
Chapter 37 - Interrogations and Negotiations
Xena entered the hut slowly. The Phoenician was tied to a poled at its center. The warrior stopped at a distance and regarded the woman. She was small in comparison to most warriors and Amazons and she was stocky. There was an air of inexperience surrounding her that Xena immediately could sense. She approached the prisoner slowly.
"So…..you had a busy day the other day…"
The woman looked up at the leather clad warrior but did not respond.
"That's okay," Xena said. "I don't think I need you to say much. Let me just tell you a little story."
The woman struggled against her bindings.
"So…. Crops have been…. Well… less than abundant….. People are hungry and when they get sick they tend to die quickly…. Most of the skilled tradesman have left the village….." Xena circled the pole as she spoke, keeping her gaze ahead and never looking at the woman. "BUT… those Gods… they need their temples…you build them…. And you wait... for better weather….better health…lots of promises… but nothing…. Just more temples." Xena turned and faced the woman, "How am I doing?" She got close to the woman who tried to kill her grandson and left the love of her life with a gaping hole in her back. "So… now you fight… you kill…. Whatever they ask…anything…"
The woman fought to keep a stern face but Xena could see the truth in her eyes. This was no warrior, no priestess, not even your run of the mill combatant. Eve entered and stood in the corner watching her mother skillfully handle the assailant. "So," Xena said, pacing again, "How many are you?"
The woman said nothing. "MMMMMM - I see," the warrior answered herself.
"You're not an Amazon," the woman said.
"No… no I am not an Amazon."
"Who are you?"
Xena rubbed her hands together. "I am the woman you are going to tell how many others are here."
There was no response. Eve began to edge forward and Xena could see the woman begin to grow more restless.
"You've met, I believe…"
Eve stared at the woman. She focused on the task, and in her mind she tried to picture Eli. All she could see was Gabrielle slumping over Gabriel and she could almost feel the weight of the sword in her hand. "Not formally," Eve smiled.
The woman was fidgeting and straining to turn her head away but the bindings and the pole made it impossible.
"Oh… well… let me make the introduction then," Xena said formally and with mock sincerity. She looked directly into the woman's eyes, "This is my daughter….Eve…….Eve, I would introduce you to … uh…. Well, I would introduce you, but our new friend isn't feeling very…. Well…..friendly, it seems."
Eve smiled and looked at the woman. "You know," she said with as much gentleness as she could muster, "My mother is not feeling very patient right now… she's a little…. distressed."
The woman looked at Xena with fear growing in her eyes now fully understanding that she was, in fact, facing a legend.
"Oh no," Eve looked at Xena and then back to the woman on the pole, "Not that mother…"
As Eve spoke Gabrielle entered with Varia and Cynara. It was painful for the bard to even move but as she approached there was no evidence of her discomfort. She concealed it completely and walked with a confidence that overrode her physical stature. She was THE Queen. Gabrielle approached and Eve moved to Xena's side. Warrior and messenger were both stoic, but inside quivering, hoping that the bard could physically handle this.
"So…." Gabrielle began, "Xena thinks….Perhaps… you are just lost… desperate…That you've fallen prey to the gods…" The Amazon Queen now repeated the warrior's earlier action, circling the pole and gazing ahead as she mused. "I'm not so sure…..You pretended to by my sister, an Amazon….You attacked my daughter…tried to kill my grandson…..we once followed gods…Amazons…." She stopped now with her back to the woman, the bandage on her back in full view. Slowly she turned and moved her face into that of her attacker's. "And we learned…. The hard way…. No one can satisfy an immortal."
The woman looked at the Queen before her. There was something about this woman. She was commanding, but an honesty seemed to pour from her. Gabrielle continued, "Attacking an Amazon Queen is an offense that is punishable only by death….. Unless the Queen issues a pardon….and why? Why should I pardon you? …. You do realize…. As I do….If Xena IS right… your death will do nothing to secure the safety of your people. It will only increase their suffering."
Eve watched Gabrielle. This was not something she had ever seen the bard do. There was an art to her tactic and Eve could tell it was working.
"So," the Queen turned away again, "You hit the jackpot… you have THREE Amazon Queens to judge you for your attack, not only on the Queen but on the Amazon Princess… my right of caste…Now… Why don't you consider Xena's question again?.... I promise you, your death here will be quick….I do not believe in suffering, even for the most loathsome … Your people? … At the hand of Baal…. At the hand of Lucifer…." Gabrielle saw the panic in the woman's eyes and brought her face so close that their noses were almost touching, "THAT will be slow, slower than you can imagine… and FAR more painful." She pulled back and turned to face Xena. "I'll give you some time to…. Think…….I suggest you use it…. Queen Varia will see that you get some water."
Gabrielle exited with grace and strength. Xena and Eve looked at the woman and smiled slyly before following behind. Xena walked through the door to see Gabrielle leaning against the hut, trying to catch her breath.
"Okay, Queen Gabrielle… that's enough for one day." The bard was in far too much pain to protest. She had managed to meet with Varia and Cynara and to execute Xena's plan. She might be stubborn, but Gabrielle knew her limits. She looked at the warrior with willing surrender.
Eve looked at Gabrielle who had grown a bit pale from the pain. "Are you all right?"
"Mmmm," Gabrielle half sighed, closing her eyes and simultaneously touching Eve's face. She opened them and looked at the woman before her. "Eve… I didn't get to tell you…"
Eve smiled and looked at the bard. Much had passed between them in recent days and now, amidst all the chaos, Eve was glad that it had. "Don't say anything," the messenger said. Xena moved behind Gabrielle and supported her weight lovingly. Eve studied them both. "I am just so glad," Eve said, a childlike quality taking over her expression and demeanor, "That you are my parents."
The warrior and the bard looked at one another and then at the woman who was their daughter. There was no need to respond. Xena smiled and Gabrielle grasped Eve's shoulder.
"I'm going to take the queen and put her to bed," Xena announced.
"Ah hah," Eve grinned.
Xena rolled her eyes. "See you later, Eve."
Eve gave a tilted smile and turned to make the journey back to her family.
The warrior carefully guided the bard slowly and softly toward their quarters. "Xena?" Gabrielle said slowing their pace momentarily.
"Yes?"
"You know those plans I had?"
A mischievous smile crept onto the warrior's face, "Yes, Gabrielle… I do."
"I think we might need to take a…"
Xena laughed and kissed Gabrielle's head. "You just REST… I will make dinner… and…"
"On second thought…" Gabrielle began.
"Is that a jab at my cooking?"
Gabrielle laughed. It was true, Xena's culinary skills could occasionally inflict a pain all their own.
"You rest…. I'll go GET dinner…" Xena smiled and resumed their pace.
"Xena?"
"Yes, Gabrielle?"
"Thanks…"
"Anytime…."
Chapter 38 - When Queens Collide
"Don't you think we should have pressed more?' Cynara was anxious to get information about the tribe from Gabrielle's assailant.
Varia looked at Lysandra who was filling a wineskin with water to take to the woman.
"Lysandra is going to do what Gabrielle promised… You need to be patient Cynara."
Cynara was clearly unhappy with the response. While Varia did not always understand Gabrielle's reasoning for things, she had come to understand that generally, the queen was right. Rushing this might have worse consequences.
"I can have someone else take water to that traitor…Lysandra is too…"
Varia grabbed hold of the younger queen's hand, "No, Cynara. This is exactly why Gabrielle and Xena want to be careful… there are others here. You can be sure of it. What you can't be sure of is who they are…there are gods involved… things may not be as they appear. Lysandra is trustworthy. We keep this within the royal circle."
"Lysandra is not royalty," Cynara responded. "I will take it."
Varia was growing impatient. "Cyanara….I understand how you feel but…"
"BUT, just last night you were blasting her for not following orders and now you trust her to handle a spy… an assassin?"
"Yes, I do." Varia looked at Lysandra and gave her a wave to continue with her assigned duty. Lysandra bowed her head slightly and made her way out the door.
Varia knew that training and developing Cynara's tribe would be a feat under the best of circumstances. This tribe was highly inexperienced and although Cynara was Amazon by birth; she lacked the mentorship and the guidance that Varia had been given. Gabrielle had traveled here whenever she went south to her friends in Egypt, but a few days now and again were not enough to truly shape the tribe. Cynara's immaturity as a leader was showing now. There was a respect that was called for given Cynara's title, but the safety of the Amazon Nation as a whole and the preservation of their culture were more important than making niceties and Varia was quickly reaching the limit of her patience.
"Cynara…I don't expect you to understand. There is a reason that Gabrielle commands the respect of the tribes. There is a reason that she trusts Lysandra. Now…. I am still not happy with Lysandra's actions during our journey. However…. She acted out of loyalty and love to the Queen."
"YOU are her Queen…. How do you know she isn't the…"
Varia's gaze narrowed. She turned her back to the queen and calmed the anger that was surfacing. "Cynara….I have known Gabrielle and Xena a very long time. I dare say I would not still be queen without them…Lysandra means a great deal to Gabrielle….a great deal. Lysandra has always been determined to be a warrior… to be hard and unbending… she is not….she is still young and sometimes imprudent… but her actions were out of love for Queen Gabrielle, not as a measure of disregard to me. Gabrielle trusts her life to that girl…and I have no doubt she would give her life for Lysandra…that is good enough for me and it is good enough for you. We follow the plan."
Cynara stormed out of her own hut. Varia sighed. This was not going to be easy. There was already so much to deal with and Queen Varia was growing concerned that reaching the younger queen was an impossibility. If reason would not work, Varia was resolved that she would take control of the tribe herself. She did not want to issue a challenge, but leadership was paramount now and if need be there would not be any regret in doing so.
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Chapter 39 - Just Us, Right Now
Xena got Gabrielle to their hut and helped her get comfortable. "I think we should put a new poultice on that," she said.
"I'm okay… really."
"Mmmm…Well… you didn't look so okay a little while ago… you are still pale."
Gabrielle smiled but Xena could tell that she was right. The loss of blood, the pain and the fact that the bard had refused to take at least one day and rest had completely drained her. She needed to stay off of her feet, eat, drink and relax. Xena started working on a fire in the fireplace. They were fortunate to have a large hut, one of the few that had any amenities at all including a tub and the fireplace, which was really more like a hollowed pit in the wall.
"Xena?"
"MMmm?"
"Do you really think she'll talk…. This woman… I mean… if you are right there's really no solution for her."
"Gabrielle, there is always a solution…you taught me that. No, there are no good options, but I suspect that we might have a slight advantage right now with Ares."
"Ares? ….Did you see him?"
"No." Xena continued adding wood to the fire. "But when Virgil and I finally found Anath's line - they were dead… well at least half of them anyway…"
"And you think Ares…"
"Yeah."
"But, Xena …Ares doesn't have an army."
Xena put a pot of water on the fire that was beginning to burn and turned back toward Gabrielle. "He used the furies…. At least I think so… there was no evidence of any one else attacking them….if I'm right… it's bought us some time and it may have bought us a way to turn these women over….if they think Baal and Anath are at risk…"
Gabrielle was somewhat stunned. "I should call Aphrodite," She started to edge herself to the side of the bed when she felt Xena's presence blocking her.
"YOU… should and are going to stay right here."
"Xena…"
"No more arguments, Gabrielle."
"Are you going to go talk to her again?"
"Tomorrow."
"You are honestly going to wait until tomorrow?" the bard couldn't believe Xena's response.
"Give her more time to sweat it out… literally, it's hot in there…. And I have more important things to attend to."
Gabrielle shook her head, "Xena… I am fine, really."
"Yeah, well… that may be so… but I'm not leaving tonight… other than to GET that dinner for you… I am staying here."
"You know," the bard said, "I will be all right if you leave for a while."
"Mmm.." Xena was checking the pot of water. She made her way to a small satchel on the table. Gabrielle watched as Xena silently went about making her tea. She was grateful that Xena wanted to stay but she also did not want to be a distraction. So much was at stake. She would recover and Xena knew that. Gabrielle wasn't certain why the warrior was so insistent on staying.
Xena walked over to the bard and handed her the tea. Gabrielle smiled, "Thanks."
Xena took a deep breath and looked at the bard. Her face grew serious, almost as though sadness were overtaking her. "Gabrielle…" she began and then stopped abruptly in an attempt to find the right words.
Xena looked at her hands and Gabrielle grew concerned, "Xena, what is it?"
She looked up at the bard. Her eyes were filling slowly with tears. "Did it ever occur to you… that maybe I need to be with you… just for now?"
Gabrielle's insides seemed to shift. Her heart was pounding. She suddenly felt so selfish. This could not have been easy for the warrior either, coming back, being pulled apart even for a short time, dealing with a whole new world, and then finding Gabrielle injured. "Xena...I…"
The tears were starting to fall from the warrior's eyes now; "When I saw Eve on Sappho…" she began to choke on her words.
"You thought… You thought I was dead, didn't you?"
Xena took a deep breath and looked back at Gabrielle, "I thought I…"
"Ohhhh… Xena… I'm sorry… I didn't even think…"
"Why would you? … No… You are right, Gabrielle…I've been gone a long time. You've learned how to protect yourself… how to protect this family… and I just… I don't know where…"
Gabrielle edged forward and handed Xena the tea to place on the table. "You belong right here… right here with me… like you always have," her voice became a gentle whisper, "and you always will."
Xena looked at Gabrielle. "I'm tired, Gabrielle….When we were in Jappa…"
Gabrielle looked at Xena with a pain in her eyes that Xena had only seen once, on that mountain.
"Please… let me say this." Gabrielle took a deep breath and held it for a long moment before releasing it and nodding to Xena to continue. "I thought I was doing the right thing… the good thing… what we fought for… what you taught me…"
Gabrielle could not hold back her tears. "Now… I don't know.. was it? To leave you? To hurt the person I love more than life? Is that worth any amount of souls? - Your happiness… I don't.."
Gabrielle took the warrior's face in her hands, sighed and searched the blue eyes before her. "Xena..I didn't teach you to be who you are… you always say that… I just helped you uncover it… just like you allowed me to be who I am," she hesitated and then continued, "You and I…. nothing could ever change what is between us… nothing…. You know that as well as I do. You have to stop condemning yourself for everything. You are not responsible for all the evil in this world… far, far from it."
Gabrielle wiped Xena's tears. Xena let out the hint of an uncomfortable chuckle, "I'm afraid, Gabrielle."
"Of what?"
"What if this is just…"
"Don't… Don't do that… don't say it…. Don't even think that….you are not going anywhere… and neither am I… not now.. not this time. This is not about your redemption. You have paid that price a thousand times over…"
"And so have you…"
"Yes, I have. We all have. I'm not going to lie to you. That is the truth. Loving you….it has a price… and that was losing you… not only for me…But this is not about you… it's about Eve and Gabriel….it's about the future, Xena… not the past."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you."
Gabrielle smiled, "You loved me… all of me…. And I love you… all of you."
Xena kissed the bard gently. "I just want to take care of you," the warrior confessed.
"You will… you are… But you have to let go of the past… we all do."
"I promise you when…"
Gabrielle took a firm hold of Xena's hands, "Don't promise me anything… just that you love me… that's all I need. No more promises. We both know things can change."
Xena looked at the bard and tried to change the course of the conversation now, "I need to get you something to eat."
"Right now… right now… all you need to do is hold me. That's all. Just sleep beside me."
Xena took off her breast plate and let it fall. She lowered Gabrielle back into her embrace; the bard's head resting soundly and perfectly on her chest as it had thousands of times before. "I promise I will love you... Gabrielle…I promise you that."
"Mmm… I know that. Just sleep now, Xena. … I want to forget the past right now… just for right now… I don't want to think about the future…not even a moment from now… I just want to be with you… just the two of us now… no more talk, alright?"
"Alright… I promise…"
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Chapter 40 - The Truth Passes Between Us
Gabrielle woke up feeling the dull ache in her back. She pulled herself up and looked at the sleeping warrior. So many things were running through her mind. Xena was sleeping so peacefully. It felt to the bard as though it had truly been a lifetime since she just watched Xena sleep. The feelings coursing through her were so intense. She meant what she had said. She wanted the rest of the world to fade away into complete nothingness. She was tired too, just as Xena had confessed.
They had been on so many adventures together and the bard would not change that, but the price was high. If life with Xena was difficult; life without her was nearly unbearable. She just kept watch, remaining silent, drinking in the presence she had missed for so many years; the presence that somehow seemed to complete her. Truth was not always the easiest thing. The truth was that one day they would be separated again. The likelihood remained that one would pass before the other; leaving whoever was left with a grief and loneliness that was indescribable. This was something that the bard understood all too well. She gently let her hand touch the warrior's hair and kissed her head. Xena still did not stir.
Gabrielle kept her watch for several more moments before resuming her position, lying gently on Xena's chest. Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's back and pulled her closer. Neither knew the time and neither seemed to care. It had grown dark. Dinner had certainly passed. There was a stillness in the air that neither had felt in what seemed like eternity.
"We need to get you some food," the warrior finally said.
Gabrielle caressed the warrior's hand, "I think that time might have passed."
"Hmm… well, you need to eat," Xena shifted to look at the bard.
Gabrielle smiled. The room was dim but she could see Xena's eyes searching her. "I don't want to go anywhere."
Xena held onto the bard. Still, it had only been days; days that they were able to see one another, hear the words that the other spoke, feel each other's touch. Xena wondered if anyone had ever felt the way that she did in this moment. It seemed to her that something always interrupted these moments; the moments when the only thing that seemed to exist was these two souls. She closed her eyes and drank in the feeling that consumed her. Everything she had said was true. No amount of souls, no amount of darkness; no amount of guilt seemed worth the price of their separation now. What she knew and what she felt seemed worlds apart now.
The warrior combed through her own thoughts. The night before they were pulled to Jappa… another ghost from her past threatening their safety and happiness; she had felt exactly as she did right now. She had held the bard in her arms and let the world fall away; a world that was foreign to them; a time they had done their best to navigate, but a place that they were never supposed to be. Now, here she was again; the same truth. Time had never been their ally, but when they were alone, time itself disappeared. She felt Gabrielle hold her tighter and held her breath. What words could she possibly say? They had passed through lifetimes together and would pass through lifetimes to come. She was no bard. She didn't even feel like a warrior here.
"What are you thinking about?" the bard said softly.
Xena toyed with the long blonde hair that cascaded next to her. It reminded her of a place they had traveled so many years ago, the first time she had held Gabrielle; truly held her; confessed the depth of her feelings as best she could. She had always been better at showing her emotion than speaking it. "I don't know," she replied.
"I was remembering," the bard started, "the first time you died."
Xena exhaled with some force. That had truly been a lifetime ago now. She had heard Gabrielle's thoughts then, so long ago, felt the pain that emanated from the girl's soul, and fought to answer her pleas to return. She knew in that moment that Gabrielle loved her; truly loved her. It would take her more than another year to realize that she could not protect herself or Gabrielle from their own hearts. They would have to descend into a chasm of regret and pain, fear and jealousy before they could finally allow themselves to find THIS place; the place they were in now. Thinking back to that time the warrior wondered how they had managed to survive it all and somehow love each other more.
"I guess I have done that a bit too often," the warrior allowed in her usual attempt to add a bit of levity.
"I guess so," Gabrielle gave a slight giggle of admission. "I still can't believe you are here."
"I know," the warrior confessed.
"What you said…"
Xena pulled herself up to hover over the bard. "What did I say?'
"That part of you wishes…"
"All of me wishes things had been different, Gabrielle."
"I meant what I said….about letting go of the past."
"I know," Xena looked deeply into Gabrielle's eyes.
"Xena…"
Xena could hardly breathe. She closed her eyes and attempted to control the emotions that washed over her; crashed between them now; it was as though they were being carried by ocean waves. Gently they drifted and then violently they crashed. That was the nature of their life together. She felt Gabrielle's hand reach up to her cheek and linger. It was a familiar touch that somehow always seemed new. Here they were… so many things that she had wanted for them both, for so many years, for this woman before her now. And in a few short days the truth had been revealed to them in new ways. Perhaps they had always known, deep in their hearts, the connection that they shared was truly sacred. Anger faded now. Fear evaporated. All the warrior could feel was the warmth of the bard's touch; the strength of her love for this woman who had opened her heart and changed her world. So much taken from them, yet now she understood; so much more given; always so much more given.
Xena opened her eyes and watched the bard search her. "Gabrielle, I ..." Xena struggled to find words.
Gabrielle lifted her finger to the warrior's lips and pressed gently. She was transported back to that memory. She remembered mourning Xena for the first time. Emptiness overwhelmed her soul in a way that she did not expect. She had known that she loved Xena, but in those days she realized that there was something far greater between them. She too, had tabled her emotion. She told herself so many lies…anything to convince herself that this was the delusion of a star struck young girl for a powerful woman warrior. So much time passed. She thought about Hope and Solon; the pain that seemed to penetrate them both as they were forced to lose their children. In just these few seconds passing between them now; the past flashed through the bard's mind as if God were sending her a message; the truth. And now, after all the loss; here they were. There was Eve and Gabriel… part of them both, part of the truth that always passed between them; unyielding passion, unassuming acceptance, unconditional forgiveness. Gabrielle saw Xena's smile slowly begin to overtake her. It was a tender smile that always radiated more in the warrior's eyes as they softened to a gaze that no one else could command.
"You don't have to say anything," the bard reminded the warrior now.
Xena slowly lowered herself to kiss the bard. It was so slow that Gabrielle felt her breath completely leave her in anticipation. She could scarcely believe that Xena was really here; still. But the truth, the truth now passed between them, through them both. Gabrielle understood. She was right, this moment would wash away the past. There was no past, no future, not for them; every moment of every day they were bound to one another. Gabrielle gave into her lover's kiss and felt the surge of the waves that lifted them both. She wondered if anyone had ever loved so completely.
The feel of Xena tenderly touching her was indescribable. It had always been that way. Somehow now, it was different. She could never have believed that it could be stronger, this pull, this need to be consumed by the woman before her. Willingly, she would allow herself to disappear knowing that Xena would find her, discover her; transport her to a distant place that existed only for them. It was never just a physical experience… when Xena touched her; her soul soared; almost as if she could travel through them both and then watch from above.
Xena's touch seemed to linger as if she needed to feel every part of the bard. Gabrielle closed her eyes and inhaled all of the emotion Xena communicated in her touch, in her kiss. She opened her eyes and looked at the warrior, not a warrior now, just Xena…her lover, her partner, her best friend, her soul mate.
"I love you," the bard sighed with some difficulty.
Xena smiled and kissed her again. There was nothing for her to say now. She would convey everything in her touch. Xena wondered if it was possible to have this moment never end. There simply was nothing that could compare to feeling the bard against her; to feel her surrender so completely, trusting everything in the warrior's touch. Xena held Gabrielle's hands as they grasped the warrior's; the need to be steadied in the waves of passion that tossed them both about violently at moments. How could such tranquility and peace exist amidst the powerful force of these waves? It did. The strength of the touch that kept them grounded even when they seemed to be lifted into a new reality; always a delicate dance, a balance.
Gabrielle struggled to control her breath as Xena brought her closer to the sacred place that they shared together; the destination that required no explanation and no apology…the moment of total connection and understanding. She could not even call to the warrior now, only grasp her hands tighter. As she gave over to the woman she had loved forever, it was Xena who finally spoke. "I will never let you go, Gabrielle…never…."
Gabrielle caught her breath and felt her tears fall. "I know, Xena…I know…"
"I know…I think," the warrior began, settling back next to the bard and taking the beauty in her eyes into her soul, "I know the truth…"
Gabrielle smiled… "You do?"
"Yes…"
Gabrielle brushed the hair from her lover's face. "What's the truth?' Her smile did not fade.
Xena just looked at her and let her gaze linger. They were connected. Eve was their proof; no one could take that away; not even death itself. Now there was Gabriel… their love would last far beyond their own lifetimes…it was part of the greater world. Gabrielle understood as well. The 'we'…the 'us'…it had grown…
"I love you, Xena…"
Xena kissed the bard and collapsed against her knowing that they would somehow prevail.
To be Continued.