Chapter 5
The very first thing that filled my awareness was pain, intense pain. I automatically raised my hand to its source before it was gently restrained from touching its target; yep you guessed it my head. Blinking rapidly, my vision finally cleared enough to see Jen bending over me. Carefully I glanced around; reassuringly I was in my own bedroom safely ensconced in my own bed.
I tried to ask a question but winced at the dryness of my still slightly raw throat. A glass with a straw unexpectedly appeared in front of me. Gratefully I sipped the cool liquid, when I couldn't drink anymore I let the straw go and heard the small clink as it was set on my bedside table. Jen's voice finally broke into the lengthening silence.
"Do you remember what happened?"
Closing my eyes, I tried to recall what had preceded these rather painful circumstances. "I answered the door and found you on the other side" I frowned or at least tried to but the spasm of pain in my head put a swift halt to that. "I don't remember what happened after that" I struggled to sit up ignoring the waves of dizziness that swamped me. Pillows were hastily shoved behind me as I paused in mid-motion; the band of agony that tightened around my head at the unadvised movement renewing my nausea.
"Damn it Franklin, will you stay still for Gods sake!!" Jen pulled her chair closer to the bed. "You passed out right in front of me. You smacked your head on the porch floor before I could grab you"
"How did I get in here?" I gasped as I fought back to need to heave, that would only intensify the suffering I was already feeling. There was no way she could have gotten me in here by herself, I wasn't that light.
"I called an ambulance. After they determined you didn't really need to be in the E.R. I had them bring you in here. You have a nasty knock on the head but it's nothing being careful for a few days won't fix"
If I hadn't been watching I would have missed the fleeting expression of worry that flashed across her face. "Thank you, I feel like a total dolt for doing that. I guess I just wasn't expecting to see you" I started to withdraw as I reflected on the way we parted. "I wouldn't have blamed you for never wanting to even look at me again" I fixed my gaze on my hands not wanting to see her agree.
"I wasn't going to. I was preparing to call and leave a message at the office that I quit but the phone rang before I could, I almost didn't answer it thinking it might be you" Her voice was filled with bitterness.
I struggled to hide the sharp pain that knifed into my chest. Knowing it was bad enough, actually hearing her say it made me want to curl up and cry as my broken heart shattered completely at her words. "Then why are you here?" I asked my voice flat. "You could have just left a message, you didn't have to tell me personally" I moved my gaze to the opposite corner of the room. "I'll make sure to send your last paycheck to your house. You'll also get the money for any remaining sick or vacation days" I wanted her to just leave so I could be alone with my growing misery.
Her footsteps seemed to echo in my ears as I watched her get up and head for the open bedroom door. I couldn't help trying to memorize the last sight of her I would ever see, even if it was her back as she walked out of my life. My grasp over my emotions threatened to slip free under the crushing weight of the strain as she unexpectedly stopped in the doorway and gripped its frame.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her back remained toward me as she asked.
I paused at the unexpected question. "Tell you what?" Too many different emotions in such a short amount of time were making my mind into total mush. I could feel myself slowly teetering on the verge of an emotional overload. I didn't have the energy for twenty questions.
"The phone call. It was Grandma. She told me you were in love with me" She turned and stared at me with an expression I couldn't read.
"Is that true?"
I was so shocked that I almost passed out again. Blackness was creeping over my vision when a heated voice pulled me back.
"Damn you, answer me. Is what she told me true?"
I figured the truth couldn't make the situation any worse then it already was so I went ahead and admitted it. "Yes, it was. I'm sorry you had to find out about it like that, I never should have told her" I braced myself expecting another eruption of fury.
Her voice softened instead. "Why?"
I sighed resigning myself to answering her. "Why what?" I was hoping this question and answer session would end soon.
"Why are you sorry about it?" She walked a few steps further into the room.
I laughed shortly. "There was no way it would ever have happened. It was just an illusion that I was deluding myself with. I didn't want to face the reality that something between you and I was never going to occur, so I kept the truth of it even from myself. I didn't want to risk losing the one thing that I was capable of receiving from you… your friendship" I lifted my hands in a halfhearted gesture of acceptance. "I've already lost that so nothing much matters anymore, I might as well just come clean"
"Where did you get the idea it never could have happened?" She moved back over to the side of the bed and watched my face intently.
I grew irate from the useless line of questioning. "Why the hell are you asking me that. You know as well as I do why. Your straight. Besides that I know you've just broken up with someone recently"
"Who told you that?" She seemed to latch onto the very last thing I had said.
My hands tightened on the blanket covering my lap. I belatedly noticed that I was dressed in my nightclothes. I ignored it for the moment. "Your sister did, at the pool party"
"I suppose she failed to tell you that particular relationship ended almost a year ago"
I quickly counted backwards. That would have been just before the first cookout of last summer at my house. The one the picture on my desk came from. "No, she didn't tell me that, but it doesn't matter. Nothing changes the fact that your straight and I'm not. There's no way to get around that"
"Let me correct one obvious misconception" She sat on the edge of the bed. Gripping my chin she forced me to look at her. "I'm not straight" She dropped her hand and waited.
I knew I was staring at her as my mind went suddenly blank. I gasped as her last words finally sunk in. "You're not?" I couldn't stop the surge of hope that flooded me. "But what about the picture of you and that guy on your living room table. You looked extremely close to him"
Jen's brow furrowed. "Picture in the living room?" her face cleared. "That's just my cousin, that picture was taken at his wedding in Florida five months ago, when I asked you for that full week off"
I was positive the relief I felt showed clearly on my face. "So you weren't dating him?"
"God No" She laughed then grew serious, "Franklin, I'm extremely attracted to you. I have been ever since I first met you but I was in a relationship at the time so I had to push it into the back of my mind. We've had a good friendship for a long time" Jen glanced down as she played with an edge of the cover. "The day of the cookout I decided to try to get you to understand in subtle ways that I was interested. I've tried ever since then, but you never seemed to get it. I was frightened of just telling you, I didn't want to ruin what we already had just like you didn't"
"You were about to drive me crazy with all the hugging and kissing. Some of the things you said, the way I could have taken them. There were times I just wanted to kiss you regardless of what the consequences were" My hands clenched as I longed to follow my words with action. "Fuck it" Jen looked up as I reached for her. Pulling her closer, I ignored the jolt of pain the abrupt action caused and finally kissed her.
Soft lips pressed against mine. After the first kiss, I tried to move back but a hand around my neck stopped me. I traced Jen's lower lip with the tip of my tongue gently asking for more. I groaned as her lips parted and invited me in. The feel and taste of her exploded in my senses as I lost myself in the kiss. Dimly, I felt myself pushed further into my pillows as Jen moved closer pressing herself against me. Only the lack of oxygen had us moving apart, I forced myself to release her. Covering my face I struggled for air, pulling it into my lungs gratefully. Lowering my hand, I studied Jen. Her lips were slightly swollen from all the kissing.
She stayed in her position, lying across my chest with her face right above mine. "Do you understand now?" she whispered before kissing me again.
I moaned as she claimed my mouth. Gripping her hips, I pulled her as close as I could; briefly wishing the barriers between us weren't there. I moaned again in protest as she pulled away. I felt a jolt bolt directly to my groin as I met Jen's eyes. They were almost black with desire. I couldn't believe that I was the one she wanted that bad. I licked my lips savoring the flavor of her that remained on them. "Yes" I regretfully let her go as she moved to sit up.
Jen reached for the bedside table and picked up a bottle. Shaking three tablets into her hand, she gave them and the glass of water to me. "Here, I know your head is killing you. These are just extra strength Advil. You need to get some rest" She tucked some hair behind my ear. "We'll figure everything else out tomorrow"
Now that she mentioned it, I felt the stabs of pain that my unwise movements had stirred up. I took the tablets hoping they would stay down on my uneasy stomach. I bit back a pained gasp when Jen helped lay me down as she pulled out the extra pillows from behind me. I closed my eyes gratefully as the light snapped off. Soft lips brushed my cheek. Reaching up, I caught Jen's arm as she moved away. "Stay" I begged, not caring right now that I might be seen as being needy. I heard the sharp intake of breath as she stopped.
"Are you sure?"
"Please" Even hurting as much as I was, I just wanted her presence next to me.
"Alright, can I borrow something to sleep in?"
I felt myself relax at her consent. "Second drawer in the dresser there are some t-shirts and boxers if that's alright"
"That's fine, now keep your eyes closed"
Obeying, I heard the faint click of the lamp turning back on. A soft scraping sound filled the room as she opened the drawer and retrieved an outfit. Soft footfalls went towards the master bathroom. I must have dozed off a bit, because I jerked partially awake as a body slid into the bed next to me. A hand rubbed my stomach gently.
"Shhh, it's just me. Go back to sleep" Her head settled itself on my shoulder causing me to automatically wrap an arm around her.
I hummed in pleasure as the light caress started to make me drift off again. A thought persisted making it difficult to fully relax back into sleep. "How did I end up in my p.j's?" I mumbled.
"I changed you into them, now go to sleep" She whispered.
Even the thought of Jen having seen me half-naked failed to keep me awake any longer. I slipped into slumber with Jen's breath whispering across my shoulder and neck.
*******************
Washing my hands in the sink I studied myself in the mirror. A decent sized lump decorated my forehead over my right eyebrow. The bruising surrounding it was just starting to turn colorful. I hissed at the ache as I touched the tender area.
"Franklin, stop poking at it" Jen reprimanded through the closed door.
I flinched as I unconsciously tried to raise my eyebrows at the scolding. Drying my hands, I emerged from the bathroom off the hallway. Only by swearing that I would take it easy did Jen allow me to finally get out of bed. Padding into the kitchen I eased down into a chair at the table. I smiled crookedly at the sight of Jen fixing breakfast still clad in my clothes. I silently approved of the way they hung a bit on her, they made her seem younger and look absolutely adorable.
Adding scrambled eggs to both plates, Jen picked them up and brought them over to the table. "Here get some of this inside you, I know you need it"
I eagerly dug into the feast in front of me glad that my nausea had disappeared during the night. Scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast, that was a real breakfast. I glanced up as she set a glass of orange juice by my plate. I took a drink from the glass to wash down my mouthful of eggs. "Thanks, this is great"
Jen smiled at me. "Glad you like it" She dug into her own plateful of food.
We ate in silence till we both finished. Pleasantly full, I leaned back and played with my juice glass while I openly watched Jen as she sipped her coffee. She caught me at it and set her cup down.
"What do you want to happen between us. I think you know since everything's out in the open we can't go back to just being friends. Especially after last night" Jen said to start the discussion she had alluded to last night.
I knew being totally honest was the only way to get through this conversation. "I want what I've always wanted Jen. To be your friend as well as your partner" I was selective in using the word not wanting to just say lover. I wanted her to know that I sought a life long commitment with her if possible.
What looked like relief flashed across her face. She got up and came over to kneel beside me. I shifted in my seat so we were face to face. "I never thought you would ever want a relationship with me. I was almost willing to be just your lover if that's all you could give me" she admitted. Jen rested her head on my legs as her arms slid around my waist.
I ran my fingers through her soft hair as I tried to formulate a coherent response. I didn't know what surprised me the most. That she wanted a relationship with me or that she thought that anyone sane would pass up the chance to be more then just a lover to her. "Now that we both know we want a relationship. How about we pull ourselves out of the deep end and begin this a little more logically, like starting with a date"
Jen raised her head so my hands were now cupping the sides of her face. "Sounds like a plan to me"
My throat tightened at the sight of the joy that shone from her beautiful eyes. "Great" In an instant my arms were full of woman as Jen suddenly slipped onto my lap and buried her face in my neck. I winced as she jarred my sore head. I kept quiet not willing for anything to disturb the feeling of happiness that surrounded us.
I didn't know how much time passed before our embrace eventually ended. It could have been days as far as I was concerned, the pleasure of finally holding her in my arms was more important to me than anything else. "How about the county fair?" I whispered. "Games, food and fun, sounds like our kind of thing"
Jen leaned back in my arms to look at me with a smile of delight. "That sounds great, I'd love to go with you" her brows furrowed. "But you need to still rest for a day or two more. I can tell your head is still bothering you" She lightly touched the side of my mouth. "You get lines here when you're hurting" She eased off my lap and left the kitchen. A few moments passed before she returned with the pill bottle. Shaking a few out she handed them to me. "Take these"
I swallowed the pills obediently. "Thanks" I moaned in pleasure as she walked behind me and started to rub my shoulders and neck. I dropped my head forward as she dug deeply into the muscles that ran up the sides of my neck. "Your excellent at that" I couldn't hold back a groan as she hit a particularly tense spot.
"A lot of your stress ends up in these muscles, I wouldn't be surprised if you have headaches most of the time just from how tight these are" She pressed a little harder to force the muscles to relax.
"It still surprises me how you can read me all the time" I didn't know if I should be grateful that there was finally someone who could understand the way I reacted to things or be scared to death about being so exposed to someone who could hurt me so easily.
Jen's hands paused. "It's not all the time" She moved around to crouch in front of me. Serious brown eyes met mine. "I get clues to what you're thinking by seeing your eyes. If you cover them the only thing I have left is trying to read your body language, which can be extremely hard"
I reached out and caressed her cheek. "Still seems like you put a lot of effort in an unsure thing. Your so open with your emotions I envy you, I've always wished I could be like that. But I know myself enough to recognize that I never will be. It's not fair that you have to try to interpret clues to how I feel and I don't have to do that with you"
Jen's hand covered mine. "It's never an effort if you love someone Franklin. Yes, sometimes it would be easier but it would change you from the person I fell in love with" She paused. "I'm sure there's a reason why you feel you need to protect yourself like you do"
I could only nod my agreement. What she said helped relive a little of my uncertainty. What relationships I'd had before ended horribly. The things that had happened in them caused me to learn how to protect myself by withdrawing inside. That in itself ended the relationships, no one wanted to be with someone they considered cold and unfeeling. Now it was so ingrained inside me I was helpless to undo it. I had despaired of ever finding someone who would allow me the time and space to slowly try to find my way out and attempt to connect with them. Most people saw how serious I was and ran, never giving me the chance to show the person inside that loved to tease and have fun. "Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime"
Jens grip tightened as she smiled. "Alright" She rose to her feet and bent over to press a light kiss to my lips. She gasped a little as I took the opportunity; cupping her face in my hands I deepened it.
A small growl escaped my throat as her tongue slid along mine. I finally tore my mouth away from hers. I was on the verge of just tossing her on the floor and making love to her right there in the kitchen. She deserved a hell of a lot better then that. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself"
Jen laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not about to complain about you kissing me" She ran her thumb over my lower lip before moving away to clear the table.
I quietly helped her rinse and load the dishwasher. I leaned on the counter as she wiped down the sink. "Can you stay for the rest of the day?" I knew the answer was in the negative when I saw her face as she turned around. "You can't, can you?" I pushed down the feeling of disappointment that tried to rise. We didn't know that this would have happened. After all she did have a part of her life that was separate from me. I willingly wrapped my arms around her as she came over and hugged me.
"I have to go to my parents for lunch" I shivered as she pressed a kiss to my neck. "My mom wanted me to bring you along but that might not be a good idea" She tightened her grip as I tried to pull away.
"Because of what happened?" I held back the tears that wanted to well up at the thought she wanted to hide our new relationship from her family. The idea that she was secretly ashamed of being seen with me raised its ugly head. I tried desperately to shove it back knowing in my heart that it wasn't true; I had a lot of trust issues I obviously had to deal with.
"Franklin, look at me" she demanded softly.
I reluctantly did knowing she could see what I was trying to cover up.
A tear rolled down my cheek as her face softened at what she saw in my eyes. I closed them briefly as she tenderly wiped the tear away.
"No, because you need to be somewhere quiet to recover from that knock on your head. Do you really think you could take the noise that people will create in the shape your in?" Her eyes grew worried. "I don't like seeing you hurting Franklin, so just call me selfish in wanting to protect you a little"
What she said was true. With my head still aching any noise would have made it that much worse. "You're right," I admitted. "It would be better if I stayed here. Tell them I'm sorry that I couldn't be there"
Jen nodded. "Is it alright if I tell them about us?"
I was surprised. "You really want to?"
"Of course" She smiled. "Mother always knew how attracted I was to you. I think she would be pleased with the change in our relationship"
"Sure, go ahead" A small part of me was eased at the comment.
Jen pulled me closer and leisurely kissed me. A soft sound escaped her as I gripped her hips and pulled our lower bodies as close as I could. Ending the kiss she sighed regretfully. "I have to get home and get ready to go"
I tightened my hold then released her. Following her to the bedroom I sat on the bed as she gathered her clothes together and went to change in the bathroom. I rubbed my fingers over the cover underneath me as I remembered waking up this morning still lying in her embrace. The sense of peace that had been present was something I hadn't felt for a long, long time. I stood as Jen emerged from the bathroom dressed in her clothes from last night. "I appreciated you staying with me last night"
Jen laid her borrowed nightclothes on the bed. "I was happy to do it. I really didn't want to leave you by yourself so I'm glad you asked" She paused. "I liked waking up with you. Since you're still hurt would it be all right if I stayed with you tonight too. I can pick up some clothes at the house and take them with me when I go to mom's, then come here after I leave"
"Sure, I would like that" Those words didn't even come close to how I felt about it.
"Good, I'll see you in a few hours then. Remember to take it easy, you have to get better so we can go to the fair"
I raised a hand. "I will, I promise" I smiled at her laughter then followed her to the front door. After exchanging a quick kiss I watched her slip into her car and start it. I kept watching as she backed out and with a brief wave drove off down the street. I closed the door and rested my head against it wincing as I bumped the tender area on my forehead.
"Now what?" I turned several options over in my mind. "Guess a showers first" I pushed off the door and headed for the master bedroom, excited at the thought of seeing Jen in a few more hours. I'd always enjoyed her company but I had a feeling that now that we were together it would get to the point of not wanting to see her go. I would just have to deal with things as they came.
Continued...