Disclaimer: this story contains graphic scenes of two women having sex (yes, I said it, SEX). It's OK, 'cause they're in love, but if you can't deal with it, or if you're under age, go away! No violence . . . no plot to speak of, really. Just a roll in the hay.

Xena et al belong to MCA/Universal. I am only borrowing them, and I promise to have them back before curfew.

Spoilers: some quickie mentions of "The Return of Callisto," "Between the Lines" and "The Ring." Don't read further if you either don't know, or don't want to know what I'm talking about.

Thoughts? Comments? Email me.

It was a moonless winter night, like so many we'd spent together under the stars. The northern air around us was crisp, and I could see the fog from our breath as we set up camp. As usual, Xena went in search of game for dinner, while I made a fire and spread our bedrolls on the ground. Tonight was, however, quite a departure from normal. It was the night when I would finally say yes, and become Xena's true soul mate in this life.

Xena and I had known for some time that we were soul mates, destined to be together in this, and many other incarnations. We had also known that our love was the strongest bond that either of us had ever experienced. No previous loves, or even my family, had prepared me for the depth of feeling I had for the infamous Warrior Princess. I knew that she too felt this connection; she had shown it in so many ways over the last five years.

Five years! It was hard to believe that a mere five years ago I left my home to travel with her. Somehow, I knew in my heart that we were destined to be together the very moment she rescued me from Draco's men. I was a child then, unable to fully explain how I felt or what I knew. I fancied myself a bard who had a way with words. But my words were small compared to the lessons I was to learn and the truth I needed to declare. The truth of my life was with Xena alone. No other relationship, not even my marriage, held the same bond. When Perdicus came to me with his offer of love, I was still a very young woman, unable to see that Xena needed me as much as I needed her. I took his offer because he accepted my desire to please. Xena never did. But, then again, she knew it wasn't my job to satisfy anyone but myself.

Poor Perdicus. He tried so hard to arouse my passion on our wedding night. And I worked at pretending I was aroused. He did learn the truth of my desire when he entered me for the first time, and found me dry. It was painful for me both physically and emotionally. He was beyond stopping, as hungry for me as he was, and it was all I could do not to cry out as he continued to move within me.

For many years I wondered whether I would ever find satisfaction outside my own attempts. Aside from Xena, no one person had ever been as much a part of my life, and I trusted her with everything that was a part of me, except desire.

Until we went to India, I was a pretender. While Xena had told me she loved me, and I thought the same held true for me, I did not really understand the connection between us. I assumed that I did without even realizing it. It wasn't until Naiyima sent us to battle a future incarnation of Alti that I truly understood how closely we were joined; how fully our souls were intertwined.

It had been evident for some time that Xena had feelings for me beyond those of a mere friend. While I have felt tenderness and great love for my best friend, I have not, until now, shared those feelings. I would do anything, and have done anything for her, except been physically intimate. I do not know what has held me back. I have seen women in my own Amazon tribe lust for both of us. I have, to my great bewilderment, spent an evening making love with one such woman. It did not provide me with any of the answers I sought, and only served to make me more confused. The woman I slept with was also confused-she assumed, as did all the tribe, that Xena and I were lovers, and could not figure out why I had seduced her. That made two of us. I thought at the time that my sexual inexperience was what kept me from consummating my relationship with Xena. My experience with Perdicus had been so abysmal, I thought I needed to be sure I could please someone in bed. I thought I was afraid of losing her if I could not please her.

I was wrong.

As the Amazon and I made love, I only did what came naturally to me, and did to her the things I knew I would enjoy. She responded passionately. But when it came time for her to reciprocate the acts on me, I begged off feigning sleep. As with Perdicus, I found I could not stomach the thought of anyone touching me in that way.

What did this mean for Xena and me? Would I never be able to return the love she so obviously wished to give? I have puzzled over this question for many moons, all the while watching my dearest friend suffer with her passion for me. We have talked about this, about my inability to share myself with her physically. She has said she understands, and loves me anyway. She is willing to wait until our next life, when we will undoubtedly be together again, to see whether a union will come from our love. In the meanwhile, I am forced to watch the occasional flash of pain in her eyes when she looks at me, and I can barely stand to be responsible for that pain. What stops me from giving her what she wants? I, who say I'll do anything for her, cannot commit this one act.

Could not, at least, until now. What has changed in me, I cannot precisely explain, but I know I am now ready to try to erase the pain in Xena's eyes.

Our recent adventures with Odin and Grendl may hold some clue as to my change of heart. Traveling north to find Xena as she searched for Grendl had also placed me in close contact with a warrior named Brunhilda. As I struggled to help Xena in her quest for redemption and the Rheingold ring, Brunhilda struggled with her own feelings for me. She confessed that she was supposed to betray Xena and me to her god, Odin. She found, however, that she could not commit such an act since she was in love with me. I tried to explain that Xena and I were soul mates, and that no one could come between us, but Brunhilda refused to listen. I think she sensed that Xena and I had not consummated our relationship, and hoped to show me herself what true love meant. It was then that I realized how foolish I'd been.

It is amazing to me that the catalyst for this epiphany wasn't all those times that Xena and I faced death in battle, nor was it my jealousy of all of the men and women who so quickly fell for my friend. It took the first person that confessed love for the woman I had become to show me that I was worthy of Xena's love and desire.

So now I sit by the fire, waiting for Xena to return with dinner, and wondering how to explain my new found understanding. I didn't have to wait long as Xena returned with a rabbit, freshly skinned and ready for cooking. I placed the rabbit on a skewer over the fire, returned to my seat on my bedroll and leaned my back against a log. For her part, Xena sat on the log next to me, and began sharpening her sword. I have always loved that sound, the rhythm of it often lulling me to sleep. But tonight was, like I said, different. I found it distracting and could not think where to begin my conversation.

"Xena?"

"Uh huh."

"Could you stop doing that? I need to talk with you," I still could not look her in the eye as I spoke.

She put her sword aside and said, "What do you need to talk about?"

"Um . . . Xena . . . Brunhilda . . . I mean, I talked with Brunhilda . . . ." Grr. Why couldn't I just get on with it?!

"What about Brunhilda?"

No, no, no, I thought to myself, this is wrong, I don't want to talk about Brunhilda. But it was as good a starting point as any, so I plunged ahead. "Xena, Brunhilda told me she loves me."

"I thought as much." She was silent for a moment, then, "How do you feel about her?"

"I don't love her, if that's what you want to know." I could hear a very quiet sigh of relief behind me. "What her confession has made me realize . . . is that I am worthy of love . . . of your love."

"It took THAT to help you realize . . . Gabrielle, I can't believe after all we've been through that you think somehow you're unworthy of me."

"I know. I can't believe it either, but in my heart of hearts I truly didn't see it until now."

Xena placed her hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed, "Gabrielle, you ARE my heart. I try to be worthy of you."

I moved from my sitting position to a kneeling one, and placed my hands on the tops of Xena's knees. "What I am also trying to tell you is that I am hoping that a physical relationship between us is still possible after all these years."

I saw a brief spark come into Xena's eyes. "Gabrielle . . .," she reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand, "Are you sure about this? We've been over this before, and I don't want you to do anything that may destroy the relationship we have now."

"I am as sure about this as anything I've ever known," I responded. With that, I leaned forward until my lips were a mere whisper from hers, "I love you, Xena. I know you won't hurt me, no matter what happens."

"You're right," she said, "I won't." We sat for brief seconds, our breath intermingling, until I finished what I'd started, and brought our lips together. I was hesitant at first, taking the time to feel the texture of her lips against mine, and Xena did not force the kiss to deepen. I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. I could feel my heart beat like a hammer, and a flood of desire like nothing that I've ever known coursed through me. I smiled, my face flushed, "I can't believe I never kissed you like this. What WAS I thinking?"

Xena laughed, then said seriously, "I . . . are you alright?"

"I'm more than alright," I responded, then cupped her faced in my hands and lowered my lips to hers again. How sweet she tasted! Boldly, I ran my tongue along the inner edge of her upper lip, and I felt, rather than heard, a groan from deep within her throat.

"Gabrielle . . . . "

She tried to speak, but my mouth was too busy caressing her lips. "Gabrielle . . .," she broke off the kiss. It took a moment for me to register that we had stopped-the flood of emotion through me was blinding.

"Gabrielle." She held me by my shoulders at a distance. "I have dreamed of this for so long . . . I want to be as gentle as I can, but sex for me is a lot like battle lust. At least, it has been in the past. I can be quite aggressive."

She looked questioningly at me, half-afraid of my response. Pausing to think about what she said, I realized that I too had waited a long time. Not just to be intimate with her but with anyone. The fact that my first true sexual experience would be with this woman I loved so deeply made me fearless. I grabbed the hair on the back of her neck, and pulled her to me saying, "Show me."

************

What a surprise to find myself in the position of aggressor. Even with Xena's warning, it was evident that she was trying to slow things down; trying to be gentle with me. For my part, I had never really touched anyone like this before, nor allowed anyone to touch me. While one part of me wanted to savor every moment, another part wanted to grasp and pull and tear until we were one body.

As I had done so many times before, I released the hooks that held her armor in place, and helped her remove her bracers. From there, I cannot really say which garments were discarded next or even where they ended up. I do know that as each piece of clothing I had on was taken off, Xena ran a small trail of kisses across my neck and shoulders. While this sent shivers through places in my body that I didn't even know had nerve endings, it was my mouth and lips that craved a taste of every part of Xena. I pulled her face back up to mine, and ran my tongue along the inner edge of each lip, before plunging deep into her mouth. Her waiting tongue was like silk, and we danced and teased and suckled inside her mouth as we undressed. She soon returned the favor, and ran her tongue along the inside of my upper lip, eventually taking it between her lips, sucking and biting it.

She lowered me to our bedrolls, placing her full body over me, her hair making a dark tent over our heads, in which I could see little except brief flashes from her eyes in the firelight. I reached up and pushed her hair behind her ear so that I could see her face in the light as well. "You are so beautiful, Xena," I whispered.

"And you, my love, are beyond breathtaking," she replied.

Xena reached up and cupped under my breast as she lowered her mouth to catch my nipple between her teeth. Now, why hadn't I thought of that? She suckled and sucked until I could barely catch my breath. I could feel her hips grinding into mine, searching for something I wasn't sure how to find myself. Her hand slid slowly down my body, over the curve of my lower stomach, until she reached my hair. Her hand kept sliding, onto my thigh, gently massaging my flesh at each stopping point. I could feel my need for her to press into my private places; I had waited so long. I could not see how, now that the fire inside had ignited, it would ever go out.

I moaned her name softly. "Xena . . . ."

"Yes?"

"Could you . . . be inside me?"

She nodded her head, and gingerly moved her fingers until she was poised over my opening. I spread my legs wider as she slowly slid a finger into me. I was so wet, amazingly so, I never had this experience before. I could feel my insides coiling around Xena's finger, getting hotter and tighter as she moved within me. I shuddered, and slid my tongue again into her mouth. I began to match the rhythm of my tongue with her finger as she glided in and out of me. I could hear and feel her moan and could tell she fought the temptation to go too fast.

"Xena, please . . . "

"Anything Gabrielle."

I suddenly felt shy, not sure how my request would be received, but when I saw the desire of her flushed face and the lust in her eyes, I found the courage to ask for what I wanted: "Fuck me," I whispered.

With that, it was almost as if Xena started over in our lovemaking. She slowly withdrew her finger, and added another along side it for the next thrust. "Yeeesssss," I said. I could feel the wetness between my legs become a reservior, the dam waiting to break as I rushed closer to orgasm. Two fingers became three, and soon I was lost in the rhythm of sex. The rhythm of Xena as she pushed deeper and faster into me. Her thumb gently rested over the swollen nub I so infrequently touched myself. I could feel the scream begin deep in my throat as wave after wave of orgasm engulfed me. I don't know everything I said to her. I think I begged her to stop, then I begged for her to never let go.

We lay there, our breath intermingled, a thin sheen of sweat covering both our bodies, with Xena's fingers still inside me. Slowly, ever so slowly, she withdrew her hand from my center, and I whimpered when the last of her left me. She brought her soaking hand up to her lips, and licked the juice from her fingertips. "Gods, Gabrielle, you taste so sweet."

I blushed at her words, and buried my face in her shoulder. "What? What is it?" she said.

Unable to stop myself, I burst into tears, clinging with both hands to her shoulders. "Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh. It's OK. I've got you," she whispered. She held me that way, rocking me gently, until my tears subsided. She then rose, and walked to Argo's saddle and brought back the water skin.

"Here," she said, "drink this."

I did as she told me, taking great gulps of water, then handed it back to her, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Are you alright?" she said as she stretched out on the bedroll beside me.

I cupped her face in my hand, and said, " I'm sorry, my love. I don't know what came over me. I've never. . . .," I stopped, unsure of what else to say. Xena stroked my face, and brushed my hair back around my ears. "It's perfectly natural, Gabrielle. Has no one ever loved you this way?"

I thought for a moment, and answered, "No one that I loved has ever touched me."

"Not even . . . ," she paused, "Perdicus?"

"Xena, I loved Perdicus like a brother. When we tried to make love, it . . . well, it was not right. I honestly thought myself incapable of this kind of love. I didn't know. I'm glad I was wrong." I smiled at her.

Xena smiled broadly, then threw back her head and uttered the single loudest battle cry I've ever heard. "What was that for?" I laughed.

"Ah, my love," she said, "I've never been this happy before in my life. I keep thinking that I'm dreaming and that any moment I'll wake up and find you on the other side of the fire. I don't know how else to express my joy, except to shout to the treetops."

"Well, in that case," I said slyly, "let me give you something to shout about."

And I did. And she did. Well into the morning hours.