Savannah Heat by Vnud

I was almost sad to see the weekend arrive. Adrenaline has the only thing that has been keeping me going due to work and the Carlo. I stretched slightly to the right to ease the pain in my shoulder, "Ow!" I pulled a muscle...great.

I shifted into first and began to slow down when I saw the neon green and purple sign that said "Amazon Heat" come into my view. As much as I was tired, I knew that this was my sanctuary and my safe haven...a bar. How odd is that? One of my greatest accomplishments, besides the Carlo and being a "mother" to my family, was running the bar.

Most time during the day the restaurant was slower, but I liked it that way. It gave all of us a chance to unwind. My family has owned it for about 10 years now; my whole Naval family has lived/retired here. Things were a bit different in those days. Everyone had about 10 kids a piece so the entire restaurant was full of family. But now I have only a twin brother and little sister.

I pulled into the parking lot looking at the damn sink hole that was starting to appear in the very front parking space.

"Damn rain..." I mumbled as I crawled out and shut the silver car door. I wanted to roll my neck to try and ease the tension, but I feared the only thing that would happen would be I would either hurt myself further and risk going home and leaving the bar to the girls *shudder*, or breaking something that didn't need to be broken. The thought of the girls running the restaurant scared me.

I walked into the bar and saw the usual deal, my family. I smiled slightly and looked around; I saw people running, jumping, dancing, spinning...total chaos

Now it is not your typical family. I do have Nick, my twin, and my sister, Yuri; but some of the others weren't related to me at all.

I glanced to the bar and see Yuri wiping down the table; a smile small across her lips. She looked up and waved, "Hey Monte!"

Monte...the name they dubbed me with due to my obsession with my car. Hell, I like it better than Karin.

"Hey guys," I threw my keys on the hostess' podium and made her jump. Liza, as usual, was on her phone playing a game and listening to her Ipod. She was the youngest of us. Most of the time she is the hostess due to her age, 17. She is so tiny, I think I could thump her and break her. Her face was slender and her light brown hair was tied up in sloppy bun that hung to the side.

I heard Mel yelling at Liza about being on her phone and not helping with the rest of the girls. Melissa was the 4th in line with age. She and I have known each other since she moved to town with her father, Capt. Frank Harrell, our senior year in high school. I made her assistant manager since she's good with finances. She treats Liza like a child alot, but deep down she just wants to protect her.

Lainey plopped down next to Liza and began to listen to the song and sang along with it. Those two, Liza and Lainey, have been best friends since junior high and practically became sisters in high school. Being around them enough, I could believe that they really were sisters. They looked very much alike.

"WHOA! Brenna, that was awesome!" Kim screamed from the DJ booth.

Brenna laughed, "Oh yes! I am definately spinning tonight, you my dear sister have nothing on me!"

Oh lord. It starts...The twins began to argue.

Kim and Brenna Morrison are twins that are best friends with Liza. They seem to have a thing for messing with guys and they love to lead them on. I figured putting them in the DJ booth could at least mildly distract them from all the males. They are hilarious, but can be very mischievous and play a trick on you when you least expect it. I remember last April Fools they made me believe my car was stolen...when I found it there was condoms, baby powder, and vasoline all over my car. They claimed they were helping me practice safe, but fun sex. I was not as amused.

"Oh yeah DJ! Play that song!" out of the corner of my eye I see my brother Nick and Maryam come running from the back dressed in flamboyant red corset costumes dancing to "Rapture."

Laura Haynes, Maryam's sister, was sitting at the table by the only window reading a book; only looking up to roll her eyes.

Maryam ran up behind Laura and smacked her in the back of the head. Laura scowled a bit, but ignored her and looked back at her book. Laura was the sensible one of the group. She was very mature and under control...unlike her sister, Maryam. Lord was she different. Maryam has a wild streak in her and she seems to like to party with Nick mostly.

I laughed as I watched Maryam slap Laura in the back of the head a few more times before she finally jumped up after her.

"What are you two doing?!" I heard Bee yell slightly annoyed at Jenn and Sarah.

I turned to see Bee's little brown eyes glaring at Jenn and Sarah.

Jenn Rasmus and Sarah Valentine froze. Their positions were so funny. Sarah had Jenn in a headlock and was squeezing excess water from her rag onto Jenn's dirty blond hair. Jenn's light blue eyes were wide, Sarah had a amused look on her oval face.

Sarah rolled her eyes, "Come on Bee," she laughed, "We're just having some fun!"

Jenn moved swiftly from Sarah's hold and began to run after Sarah.

Those two...it was amusing to watch Jenn and Sarah play fight. Jenn was this tall slender girl while Sarah was a short more petite version. Sarah jumped over a chair and Jenn followed gracefully.

Bee looked on not amused. That is what stress will do to you.

And then it happened. Jenn went to grab the mop bucket and fill it with water...I knew this was going to be bad.

She began to chase Sarah, while Bee chased them trying to make them stop. All of a sudden when Sarah leaped over the chair Jenn did not follow. Jenn tripped and water went in the air. The bucket soared over 2 tables and landed on Bee's head.

Everyone froze. Bee titled the bucket up and smiled, "You are so dead."

Then the chasing began again. Laura ran past Sarah grabbing the bucket.

"Oh shit," I mumbled.

I look over and see Yuri still cleaning the bar with her wife sitting on the bar smiling and playfully flirting with her. Now, if there was a couple I wish I could copy, it would be them. They have so much love between them it is almost sickening. But I must say my sister picks well. Jackie was to put it simply, lovely. Her and Yuri were in a lot of ways opposite in their looks, but in so many ways similar. Yuri was tiny and had dark pixie hair and Jackie was tiny has dark long curly hair. Yuri's eyes were quite dark and narrow, while Jackie's eyes were full and gray. They complented each other very well.

I glanced over to see Laura nail Maryam in the face with a sponge and Nick slip and fall in his heels. Brenna and Kim decide to start playing chase music from cartoons. Jenn lunged unto Sarah's back and knocked her into the VIP area and nearly broke the, very expensive, mini bar. Bee dove after them behind the curtains. Liza and Lainey seemed unfazed...teenagers. And of course Yuri and Jackie were too wrapped up in themselves to even notice anything.

I clapped my hands, "Guys!"

Everyone stopped except for Bee.

"SONOFABITCH THAT HURT!" I see Bee touching her head and kept yelling profanities until she noticed the others standing still and she blushed, "Sorry..."

I smiled, "Its ok."

"Ok guys, the first thing that needs to happen is getting this place cleaned up," I eyed Jenn and Sarah and they stuck their tongues out at me, "Then...we need to set up. We have a birthday party tonight."

I hear some "yes's," some groans, and 2 squeals. Out of the corner of my eye I see Liza and Lainey's face lite up. They knew what that meant: big tips for all and all the birthday cake any one person can eat.

I smiled and continued, "They paid for VIP, so this is real big guys. No body shots unless the costumer insists," I glanced at Yuri. That girl has always had a fascination for licking people, "Save some liquor for the guests. Also, please lord, do not...I repeat, DO NOT try and play 'lets hump every male in the room.'" I then turned my attention to Maryam, "We cannot afford another restraining order."

Maryam's eyes got wide and jumped up to defend herself, "He started to hump me first!"

I held my hand up slowly, "Calm down, just make sure you keep the drinks to a minimum and make sure you don't grind on everything."

Laura giggled and Maryam threw a rag at her face.

"Hey! What's your deal? It's the truth!!" Laura growled.

I glanced at Yuri for help, but she was too busy stroking Jackie's hair...I knew she was hopeless. Nick...yes Nick. "Nick I need your Navy skills. How do they do this in basic?"

Nick shrugged, "I don't think even the Navy could help you now." He gazed at them with a terrified look in his eye. They were 2 inches apart from each other screaming. And then I saw Maryam pull her fist back...

I intervened before it got any further, "HEY IF YALL DO NOT STOP...SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FIRE YOU...STOP NOW!"

Laura and Maryam froze. Laura's hand clenched on the top of Mayram's corset ready to swing and Maryam had her hand reared back to follow Laura's blow.

"Sit," I commanded.

Laura slowly sat down composing her calm nature again, while Mayram flopped into a chair and huffed like a little girl in pre-school who got in trouble.

I coughed to catch everyone's attention again, "I am assigning what is to be done tonight and what is to be decorated," I looked down at the list, "Hmmmm, well ladies...and gentleman, it looks like this is a Navy Officer's birthday party." They all glanced at each other...2 grimaced, 2 didn't care, the rest had grins plastered across their faces. Every girl is a sucker for a man in uniform...especially me.

Living around it your whole life is interesting and maybe that's how it grew on me. Some girls think the exact opposite. Liza has already claimed that she'd rather die than marry into one of the services. And where Liza goes, Lainey will do the same. And for Yuri and Jackie, they do not care because men aren't their cup of tea.

As for the rest of the girls, they seemed pleased with this, "Please, I am begging all of you, be on your best behavior."

Two hands shot in the air fast as lightning.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Yes Brenna and Kim?"

"WHO GETS TO SPIN TONIGHT!" they screamed in unison. Both were dying to flirt with the men, so naturally they wanted the other to DJ so she didn't take the spot light.

I pondered the thought for a moment...do I really need to send either one of them to waitress? My god that is another lawsuit waiting to happen...Maryam does enough legal damage as it is. There is no way in hell.

I smiled and simply said, "Both."

There eyes were wide and Kim was the first to speak, "What?! Why?! I am totally not as good, you heard us earlier!"

Brenna gawked at her sister as if she had called her something terrible, "Are you kidding me?! I was so much worse!" She smiled sweetly up at me, "Please let Kim do it, she is so much better...and after all she is my little sister!"

Kim cocked her eyebrow and grumbled, "By 3 minutes...but who's counting?"

I smiled, "Apparently your sister," she gave Brenna a sour look and I continued, "But anyways, you BOTH will be up there. No questions. If you have a problem with it, I can always make you waitress during Senior Night." Their faces fell.

After the last Senior Night I knew they would never want to do it again. Poor Kim was body surfed by a bunch of old men; and Brenna...Brenna was forced to dance with the most perverted old man. He won bingo and that was his prize. Brenna wasn't too thrilled.

The Twins began to argue and fuss about the DJ situation, and before I had a chance to kill them, Yuri stepped in...thank you God.

"Hey! What Monte says goes," she paused and smiled at me, "Now, if you ladies do not mind, we have a party to set up, and I think we need to get started."

I felt so relieved. Yuri took charge and I was ever so grateful.

She stood up and whispered something Jackie's ear and pointed towards me. Jackie came and sat beside me, "Yuri said she would take care of this, go home and rest until the party."

"I'm ok," I eyed Yuri annoyed, "I can handle this!"

Yuri raised her eyebrows, "Go home Karin..."

I knew it was bad when Yuri called me Karin. Home started to sound pretty good. Sleep, yes sleep sounded wonderful.

"Ooooohhh!" Bee mocked, "Monte got served!"

I laughed a bit and began to gather my things as Yuri and Bee began to give out orders.

"Ok guys...Jenn, I want you and Sarah to go buy decorations...please keep in mind this is a birthday party, not Chippendales. Laura, you take the twins and go shopping for costumes," Kim's and Brenna's eyes nearly popped open. Bee noticed this.

"Now ladies, as much as I enjoy a good slut costume," Bee grinned, "I think we need to at least keep it PG-13. That means nothing when you bend over and everyone knows where you've been waxing...or rather not. Ok?"

They nodded, but they had that mischievous look in their eyes.

"Laura, please supervise," Yuri added quickly.

Laura nodded and Bee smiled, "Liza and Lainey, I almost forgot. You two have the most important jobs!"

Liza cranked her Ipod up and began to sing loudly, Lainey followed.

Jenn crept up behind Liza and stole her Ipod, "Ha ha ha! Now what are you going to do?!"

Lainey tried to be fast and grab the Ipod, but Jenn was faster and tossed it to Sarah. They began to play monkey in the middle, and poor Liza and Lainey were short for Jenn and Sarah. The carried on for a few minutes until a tiny hand shot up and grabbed the mp3 player.

"Now girls," Jackie moved her finger side to side mocking them, "Lets just finish this up and as soon as possible."

Yuri moved up behind her and grinned at her spouse. Jackie might be sweet, but she can take charge as well.

The girls started to calm down and come together, so I knew I was ok to leave. Everything was just falling so hard on my shoulders, I needed some peace and quiet. Stress from work, the car, taking care of my family, and loneliness was starting to get to me.

One good thing popped in my head and I mumbled it out loud, "At least tonight will be routine..."

_____________________________________________________________________

Leaving the bar in the hands of my crazy ass sister, and the even crazier manager would be the death of me. Stress is piling so high and weighing me down. I need a break...

The Carlo looked real good right about now. I pondered the thought of hopping in and driving to Florida for a nice, long vacation. But I know when I would get back, the bar would be in shambles.

I cranked up the radio to drown myself in some music. Music is everything to me. If I am not humming I am singing. "Hmmmm..." I began to turn stations to find a relaxing song. It landed on the perfect song, "I Miss You" by Incubus, one of my favorite bands. "Perfect," I murmured.

Everything was going by so fast. I feel like I have such a big gap in my life, and time does not slow down for anyone.

I rolled the window down and leaned back in the car seat; not caring if I was passed by another car. Sleep deprivation was creeping up on me and I felt my eyelids closing. If I didn't get home soon I would be in a ditch. The girls would kill me if I died. Who would cook for them? Well, most of them would be happy with me not cooking. Kim was the real cook of the house. I remember I added salt instead of sugar to the cookies I was making and well...lets just say mine disappeared real fast...into the trashcan.

"Home..." I sighed as I drove through the steel gate towards the old colonial. I loved home. It has been the family for at least...I would say at least since the 1820s. The main building, of course, has been restored. The sides were added throughout the years due to all the additions to the family. My dad left it to me, Nick, and Yuri.

After years have passed, many things changed. Nick came out about being a cross dresser...but to be honest, there were nights where he looked better than me as a girl. Yuri came out and found Jackie. Bee was the class clown in school and she instantly clicked with all of us. When Bee got real sick and lost her hearing, we all were devastated. But, just because she can't hear doesn't mean she isn't the exact same crazy girl.

I've known Mel since highschool, she was new and was somewhat of an outcast when she first moved here, but I like to say I "adopted" her because she was very sweet. I remember she was a genius in math. I had to cheat off of her many times...I have no idea how I could've passed Algebra without her.

Sarah and Jenn sort of...came over once and never left. But its ok. They keep me entertained with their fights. Sarah's family wasn't a Naval family; her mother owns a beauty school in downtown Savannah. Jenn's mother passed away a few years ago, so she had been staying with Sarah's family for awhile.

Liza and Lainey were basically a package deal. Liza's father was scheduled to leave and Liza did not want to go. Since my father was his commanding officer and he wanted to remain in his good graces he allowed it. Lainey's family was non-Naval as well; her father owns a "Ghost Tour" attraction that is downtown.

And Maryam and Laura...well. Maryam and Nick are club hoppers together and Laura gets along with Mel and Me, so well all just decided to live together. Maryam and Laura lived with their grandfather, who was retired Navy, because they didn't want to travel with their mother and father.

I stopped walking down memory lane and parked the car. I crawled out and nearly fell trying to climb up the porch steps. "Ugh...sleep please..."

I walked in and tossed the keys in my little wicker basket and went down the hall past the sprial staircases. I froze when I saw the family room, "Oh my gah..."

There was trash, food, costumes, and porn everywhere! I can only imagine why porn and dominatrix costumes were right beside each other...Yuri and Jackie. Damnit. Do they not know this is the family area?!

They have their own portion of the house like everyone else! I made sure when they all moved in we all had our own space, and for awhile we did...until all the rooms were being filled with my "children."

I ran through the hallway into the kitchen to grab protective, anti-germ gear. "Good Lord..." I gasped. The damn kitchen was worse! Kim and Brenna were doing experiments with jello and whipped cream again. There where also some shirts lying on the dining room table I did not recognize as well. I carefully touched them; they were guys shirts.

"DOES ANYONE NOT REMEMBER SAYING THAT THE MAIN HOUSE IS THE FAMILY PART?!" I screamed out loud.

I grabbed some yellow gloves, some trash bags, a mask from the dominatrix costumes...after I sterilized it, and some Lysol to kill any fungus'.

When I returned to the living room, I began to wipe down the tables and the wrap around couch. There was crap everywhere...the fireplace had underwear hanging off of it, "What in the hell did they do last night?"

I began to pick up knocked over picture frames. I found the summer vacation picture when we went to Panama City Beach. Drunk Mel was hanging onto Laura who was about to punch Maryam for vomiting on her, Nick was dressed as "Nicole" wearing a tube top and skinny jeans, Yuri and Jackie were putting bunny ears on each other, Kim and Brenna were making out with random guys, Sarah was acting like she was going to jump off the dock, Liza had somehow gotten a hold of a...replica of a penis and was waving it in the air, and Jenn had Lainey on her shoulders while downing a beer.

I smiled, "Lord, we all look wasted...I will never let Mel take us there again."

I picked up the rest of the frames and looked at them all. One from the Grand Canyon; where I said "Say cheese" and Bee was pulling a wedgy out of her ass. Another from Las Vegas; it was Liza's and Lainey's mug shot. Lainey had this great idea to buy fake IDs and Liza, of course, followed her plan. They last one I grabbed was from New York City; Maryam and Nick were far enough from the Statue of Liberty to make it look like Maryam was grabbing her ass, and Nick her boobs.

How can you not help but laugh?

I flopped down on the very soft couch and began to curl up to sleep. The last thing I saw was our family portrait hanging over the fireplace. We all looked normal...if that is possible. Everyone was dressed real nice and smiling. The only thing that made it look not normal was all the girls on the top row were putting bunny ears on the other ones. The only reason why I chose this picture was because it was us, it was normal to us; if I bought a picture where we all had fake smiles on, it wouldn't be right. My family is the goofiest, smartest, and most loving family there is. And I wouldn't trade them for anything.

My eyes began to slowly close and I was swept into dreamland.

I dream of strange things. This time is was really weird. I dreamed of...children. There were two around me chanting, "Mommy, mommy!" They were smiling and laughing and they began to hug my neck.

I felt at peace for about an hour. Then the kids suddenly looked at me funny, and began to break dance to "Give it to be Baby" by Rick James.

My eyes shot open and I realized it was my cell phone. It was Yuri calling...uh oh.

I didn't even have a chance to answer.

"Karin! Get down here now!" she practically screamed in to the phone.

I wiped my eyes, "Yuri, what in the hell is going on?!" Then I heard it. Mel screaming at Liza and Lainey.

Yuri paused, "Trust me Monte, you want to get down here now!" I then heard Bee yelling at the twins and Laura. Maryam and Nick were laughing so hard, it was hard to hear anything else. The next thing I know I hear a crash and some cackling from Jenn.

"I'm on my way," I said and hung up the phone.

I sped the whole way back to Amazon Heat. Yuri's frantic voice and Jenn's cackling scared the hell out of me. What in the world could've happened? I was gone no more than an hour and a half. Things began to race through my mind as I pondered what could freak Yuri out so bad.

"Finally," I said out loud. I screeched into the parking lot, hitting that damn sink hole along the way, "Fuck,"

The screaming was so loud I could hear it out in front.

When I finally made it inside, I saw Maryam and Nick running around in skimpy sailor costumes. The outfit covered just the essentials to not make it illegal to wear out in public. The skirt was so short, it left little to the imagination...I could also say the same thing for the top. Maryam's boobs were nearly exposed in it and Nick's ass was hanging out of the skirt.

Bee had her hands on Brenna's neck shaking her rapidly. Laura was trying to pry Bee's hands from Brenna's neck. Poor Brenna was struggling to hit Bee, but was very unsuccessful.

Jackie was chasing after Kim. Kim jumped into the DJ booth and Jackie lunged after her.

Kim popped her head over the turntables begging, "Someone help me!!! She's lost it!"

"I am not wearing that God forsaken costume Kim," I heard Jackie scream from the DJ booth.

I was in utter shock over this whole fiasco.

Mel had Liza and Laniey cornered, scolding them. Liza and Lainey were giggling about something and the I see Jenn and Sarah run up behind Mel and pulled her pants down.

"RUUUUNNNNNN!" Sarah yelled.

Jenn tried to run towards the back exit, but Yuri tackled and restrained her, "GET 'ER MEL!"

Mel tried her best to recover and stumbled pulling her pants up as quickly as she could. I nearly died laughing when I noticed her underwear said "Monday" instead of "Friday." Please God tell me that girl changed her damn underwear. I had no clue people still bought those.

Bee was still choking Brenna, until Brenna pointed towards Mel. Everyone saw the same thing, and they were apparently thinking the same thing because it was then I heard Lainey yell, "Mel's got dirty britches!" And everyone broke out into hysterical laughter. "Britches" is one of the funniest redneck words that I've ever heard.

Mel blushed and mumbled, "It was dark when I grabbed them this morning." Her eyes cut to the left towards the bar and she noticed the rag Yuri had been cleaning with. She reached for it and nailed Laniey in the face, "Fight's back on ladies!"

"AH-HEM!" Nick coughed.

Mel laughed, "And gentleman."

And so it continued...

Jackie fell out of the DJ booth and began to huddle behind the bar. Sarah joins her and with a sigh adds, "So, who do you think will die first...Brenna or Jenn?"

Jackie snorted, "I know Yuri, she has a killer hold; speaking from experience. I say 10 on Jenn."

"You're on," Sarah accepted.

I began to focus, somewhat. What in the hell happened? And I hope to God what Maryam and Nick were wearing weren't the costumes...but I had the strangest feeling they were. I have to agree with Jackie there was no way in hell I would wear that. We would look like cheap hookers; and if I were to look like a hooker, I would want to look like a pricey one damnit.

Chaos still continued in front of my very shocked eyes. Kim hopped over Yuri and Jenn then leaped at Bee, "GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY SISTER!" Bee's eyes got wide, she moved quickly out of Kim's way and Kim crashed into her gasping sister.

Laura and Bee began to chase after Kim and Brenna. Laura began to yell, "Oh no you two don't! Of all the nights to pull your stunts, especially a night that I have to work," she huffed, "I AM NOT WEARING THAT!"

"It might help you loosen up Laura," Kim laughed as she ducked under the bar entrance.

Jackie grabbed Kim and pinned her arms back, "Well, Sarah...I guess we both lost; Kim goes first, and by Laura."

Laura grinned and began to creep towards them.

"OK EVERYONE STOP!" I yelled.

Everyone looked at me, as if they had no idea I was there. As if we were playing musical chairs, everyone grabbed a seat. Laura had to grab Bee and point to me. Bee's eyes got wide and she quickly took a seat like everyone else.

I eyed everyone over. I caught some glares, a couple with their heads down, and two pairs of very angry eyes.

"Ok, will someone please explain to me what in the hell is going on?" I tried to act calm, so everyone else would follow my example.

There was a boom of screaming, yelling, and some crying. Liza was saying that whatever happened it was Laniey's fault, Kim and Brenna just kept their heads hung, the rest were almost at their throats again.

I guess being calm wasn't going to help. I was going to have to act like them, "SHUTUP! NOW DAMNIT. YURI TELL ME, WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

Everyone quieted down and Yuri stood up; Jackie was right beside her stroking her arm affectionately trying to keep her calm.

"Karin, you might want to look at this all piece by piece," she sighed a tad bit aggravated.

Maryam and Nick stood up with the bizarre costumes on. Maryam smiled, "Personally Monte, I see no problem in the costumes."

"Yeah Twinnie, I can breathe," Nick moved around his hips in a circular motion, "It doesn't bind and its comfortable too."

I cocked my eyebrow, "Nick, I really do not see or believe that this costume," I held up the one that had Sarah's name tagged on it, "is comfortable. And also, are these the rentals or did we buy them?"

"Do you think we would be that evil, Monte?" Brenna smiled sweetly.

Kim copied her, "We rented."

I turned and looked at them with a crazed look, "Are yall crazy?! You rented these skanky costumes?! Lord knows what's been done in them!"

Kim jumped to their defense, "We had them cleaned! I swear!"

I narrowed my eyes, "Fine."

Laura picked one up and examined it, "We can add some leggings to it so it doesn't look as trashy. I mean, our midriff will still be exposed, but I think with a small white or blue jacket. I think we'll survive."

"Ok Monte, here's the next...piece," Yuri said hesitantly.

I nodded as she and Jackie took me one of the tall side tables on the back end of the bar. I stood there for a moment and glanced at what was on it. Some of the decorations were there, and I must say they did a good job. They had American Flags, little battle ships, and red/white/blue stars. Then in the middle was a longer sheet folded up.

"When you had left, I called Jenn and Sarah to pick up a banner from Kat's n Bri's Party Shop," she paused and picked up the banner. Jackie took one end and began to walk. Yuri stared at me with an annoyed expression, "You remember how the officer's name was 'Richard?'"

I glanced over the girls real quick and I saw some terrified looks on their faces.

When they finally had the banner all the way open, I saw it. I began to read, "Happy Birthday...DICK?!"

Liza, Laniey, and the twins howled in laughter.

"Ok, look Karin. Me and Jenn went by Kat and Bri's, but they couldn't write 'Richard' on such short notice...so..." Sarah stopped.

Jenn picked back up, "So, we tried to improvise..."

I nodded and understood; really I couldn't be mad at them. It was a good idea..."It's ok guys. I see what happened. What I can't understand though is why everyone got upset over the banner? I can kind of understand the costumes, but why does everyone still look pissed?"

Laniey and Liza's faces suddenly fell. This was not good.

Liza jumped up suddenly, "It was Laniey's idea!"

"Are you kidding me?!" Laniey screeched.

They began to argue and I held my head in my hands until I heard Bee and Mel shut them up.

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" I sighed.

I heard Maryam tell Nick to "wheel it out."

There was a moment when I thought that maybe Liza and Laniey maybe tipped the cake a bit or something. I tried to lighten the mood with a joke, "Did yall get vanilla instead of chocolate?"

Jenn, Sarah, and the twins were laughing hysterically when I asked this.

Mel looked at me and said, "No...they got chocolate."

I narrowed my eyes again and walked over to the cake. I lifted the metal top and dropped it to the floor when I saw it...it wasn't a submarine like what was ordered. It was three foot long and one foot wide...it was a chocolate penis.

"LIZA! WHAT THE HELL?!" I started towards her, but Yuri restrained me. I pushed her away, "Its ok. I'm not going to kill her," I turned my attention to Liza and Laniey again, "What in the hell were yall thinking?!"

Liza shrugged, "I was mad because we get picked on all the time. So, I decided to get even. I wanted to prove I could do something funny."

Before I could say anything Laura interrupted, "Well you two got even with the wrong people. Go after Jenn and Sarah next time."

I sighed, "Its ok girls. I can fix this."

"How?" Mel Maryam asked.

"Hmmmm..." I turned my head, "Well...it sort've looks like a submarine."

Nick cocked an eyebrow and laughed, "Uh, Karin. Um, I might just be shooting in the dark here, but thats a dick; not a submarine," he smirked, "And I would know."

I rolled my eyes and began to fix the penis submarine, "Thanks Nick." I turned to everyone, "Ok, lets get this set up. I'll take care of the cake, everyone just get ready," I tossed a list of songs to Kim and Brenna, "He likes rock songs, so lets make his night happy; well need to especially after we show him the U.S.S Gristle Missile over here."

There was no saving this cake, but I was trying. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was Bee.

She smiled, "At least it was chocolate, not vanilla...that would be hard to explain."

"Jenn, pull that side a little higher my dear," I motioned her from the left, "Good good." I looked around Amazon...it was perfect. Most of the usual props were replaced with American flags, Naval ships, girls in sailor uniforms. I don't think I've ever seen so much red, white, and blue in my whole life.

Most of the girls were already in their sailor costumes. I, on the other hand, was defiantly not wearing it. Maryam and the twins were enjoying them...that's surprising.

Sarah frolicked out of the back hallway smiling, "Monte! Where is your costume?"

"In the box still I suppose," I scoffed, "There is no way in hell I'm wearing it. I am the owner," I grinned, "It would be very unprofessional."

Yuri picked up the "uniform" and grimaced, "There is no way in hell..."

I heard Nick groan from behind the V.I.P. curtain, "Why didn't I get a costume Kim?!"

"Because I wanted to save some money since you already have a uniform," she answered sliding on her white pumps.

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed, "You know I can't wear that for my normal job. It's against Navy policy."

Yuri eyed Nick for a second and her eyes nearly popped out of her had, "Nick you are a genius! I have an idea!"

She pulled him behind the bar and I lost interest in what they were cooking up. Frankly, I really didn't want to know. It wasn't that much longer before they both walked out grinning. I rolled my eyes; I pretty much guessed what they were up to...they were going to rape some poor seamen.

Bee was gripping her stockings tightly and trying to pin them to the garter to hold them, "What the hell is wrong with these things?! Why are they so damn tight? Nick can you help me?"

Laura laughed, "Nick, please God help this girl put some damn stockings on. Lets hope she can handle the leggings and garter belt."

Nick walked over to Bee and chuckled. He tapped Bee on the shoulder, "You know Bee...it would help if you weren't putting them on backwards. Your crotch is in your ass."

Bee shrugged and pushed Nick back, "Shut up."

I heard Liza and Laniey burst out laughing from the VIP area. Their voices emerged from the darkened secluded spot, "Holy crap Liza this thing really looks like a damn penis...well, I think it does anyway."

I crept closer to the VIP curtain to hear. Yuri and Jackie saw me and walked towards the drapery too, their faces full of curiosity.

"What are y-" Jackie began.

I cut her off with my finger pressed against my lips. Then I motioned my hand to my ear and for them to do the same.

Liza's voice was next, "It does. I've seen one."

"LIZA'S SEEN A PENIS! LIZA'S SEEN A PENIS!" Maryam's voice echoed over the music in the background.

My eyes grew huge, "Damnit Mar!"

"Damnit Maryam! We were going to hear where Liza's seen a penis!" Jackie scolded.

Liza threw the curtains back and her face was beet red. Lainey was standing behind her in utter shock. There was silence...

Maryam slinked over to Liza and threw her arm around her neck and drew her in, "How big was it? Was it Adam's?"

"MARYAM!" Liza threw Maryam off and dove after her. Lainey grabbed Liza and held her back with all of her strength.

When Liza calmed down her face still had a luminous red glow.

Bee walked around the corner adjusting her stockings and saw Liza. She walked over and felt Liza's head, "Oh man! I think Liza's got a fever...she's so hot and red. Do we have a thermometer here?"

Laura was rolling the floor, "Yes Bee. She's running a fever alright...a PENIS FEVER!"

"SHUT UP!" Liza yelled.

The pub's phone began to ring; Yuri ran to get it. "Please God do not interrogate her until I get back!"

Mel came out from the back hallway and stared at Brenna and Kim, "You two are in some deep shit if the 'twins,'" she pointed to her breasts, "pop out un-expectantly."

"That might earn you a good tip, Mel," Kim giggled.

There was a long mean glare that came from Mel's eyes to Kim's. Mel started to reach for the garter belt on the table. Kim began to back up slowly towards the DJ booth.

"DUCK KIM!" Brenna's sailor's hat came flying out of the booth and smacked the back of Jenn's head. Brenna covered her mouth, "Oops...sorry Jenn!"

"Monte! Its for you!" Yuri called from behind the bar counter.

Everyone was off in their own little world; I couldn't help but laugh at Jenn and Sarah tag teaming against Kim and Brenna. That was a real match. Jenn and Sarah tried their bond moves by ducking and jumping over tables...but when Jenn tried to toss Sarah over the bar...it didn't work out.

There was some more crashing, but I turned my head and wouldn't dare look back to see the chaos that was forming behind me. Lord knows what was broken now.

I grabbed the phone from Yuri and she had an odd look on her face, "It's Haley. She said something about visiting and a job," Yuri began to put two and two together, "Shes coming to stay?! Are you giving her the head chef job?"

I raised my finger and nodded.

"Hales! How are you?!" I beamed.

There was some crackling from bad service, "..fucking bored. This plane ride is taking longer than I thought!"

I laughed, "Well, I'm glad you are coming to stay, we have been looking for a new head chef."

"What about us Monte?!" I heard two more familiar voices echo in the background.

Yuri's eyes were bulging, "Marissa and Yeva too?!"

"Yes girls, I need yall too," I smiled at Yuri, "We have missed our dear cousins so much. Haven't we Yuri?"

Nick came barreling towards me and Yuri at full speed and snatched the phone from me, "Yeva, Marissa?!"

Haley laughed, "Uh Nick are you forgetting someone?"

"Hales!" Nick was jumping up and down, "When are you three getting here?!"

The phone began to static again and Haley started to break up again, "Tonight Nick, I need to go though. We'll see everyone soon!"

Nick hung up the phone and stared at me. Yuri joined him.

"So Monte," Yuri smirked, "When were you going to tell us?"

I smiled, "I knew Hales and the girls were looking to move down here since the other restaurant went under, so...I offered them a job."

Nick jumped on top of me and knocked me to the ground, "I will never understand how we can't read each other's minds. I mean we are twins."

"Some things that come from your head Nick...I'd rather not hear," I laughed.

"You aren't kidding Karin," his face grew to red.

Yuri's face squished up, "Eww Nick."

He stuck his tongue out, "Well I'm going to tell the rest of them!" He turned slightly and yelled, "Thank you Twinnie!" He began to make his way back to the bar, "Mar! You will never guess who's coming here!"

Yuri picked me up and helped me dust off, "If we keep adding to our house people are going to think we are running a Brothel."

I nodded still looking for more dust, then all of a sudden I was back on the ground.

"Monte...I LOVE YOU!" Yuri bellowed out.

I sputtered from the utter pain that was radiating out of my back now...not to mention Yuri was leaning on my ribcage. I coughed, "Yuri...can't...breathe."

"Sorry," she said quickly pulling me up.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!" I heard a very loud and tipsy Maryam scream from the other room.

I shook my head, "She is starting early tonight."

Yuri nodded, "Of course. Drunken sailors are going to be here tonight. Got to put on the party face."

"That party face better not cost me anymore lawsuits..." I mumbled.

It was 8:45 now...almost time. Fifteen more minutes and the party will begin. For some odd reason I was extremely nervous. Probably because this party did not look like a birthday party, but it did however look awfully like a strip club. Kim and Brenna could not have picked more worse outfits. Hell I'd rather have Elton John pick them out! The cake...was a schlong, what more is there to say? And to prove that this is a party to celebrate penis' we have the freaking banner that says "Dick."

I plopped down on the red couch in the back room. Oh I hope this is not going to be disaster. There was a distinct feeling of giddiness that was creeping up inside of me. Nerves...ugh. I wish they never existed. My stomach was churning and spinning...

"Oh God," I grabbed my mouth and ran to the bathroom.

After about 5 minutes of up-chucking I leaned back and my head hit the wall behind me.

"Damn," I rubbed the back of my head tenderly.

There were knocks on the lounge area door and Laura's voice echoed over the fan in the bathroom, "Monte? You in there?"

"Yeah Laura. I just needed a minute; be out there in a sec!" I coughed.

She paused, "Ok..."

I stood up and wobbled for a moment, "I haven't even started drinking...there is no way I'm getting smashed tonight."

I heard knocking again. This time it was Nick, "Kar, we need the lounge to change. People are starting to come in, so I can't strip down like I usually do."

"Alright," I mumbled.

I collected myself and began to open the door when Nick and Yuri nearly fell on top of me trying to get in. For a moment there, I was considering just staying there for the rest of the night. I mean, they could manage without me.

"Monte," Yuri gasped stripping off her clothes, "Mel has your 'uniform' in the hallway."

I nodded, not considering the thought about the costume...and at this point I did not care.

The hallway seemed to continue on forever, and then I realized that I had been in the bathroom for about 45 minutes. People were arriving. Most people who come this early are the ones that are out of here by 11.

"There you are!" Mel jumped off one of the bar stools, "Kim and Brenna thought it would be appropriate if you wore the admiral costume."

I glanced down at the what she was saying was a "costume." I thought it was stripper-wear. I sighed knowing there was no way out of this, "Fine."

The party was just starting and I heard Kim and Brenna playing "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC. I know they'ed prefere to play rap, but not tonight; tonight it was all for Capt. Dick...I mean Richard.

Nicole and Maryam hopped on the bar for some dancing. I was hoping Mar had not drank herself stupid yet. This would be good if they are all still sober.

The sailors began to walk in and their jaws nearly hit the floor. I'm not sure if it's from the decorations, the music, or the girls. What was I thinking? It was definitely due to my staff.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please get on your feet!" Brenna sang over the Mic.

Kim grabbed the Mic and continued, "On behalf of Amazon Heat, we want to say happy birthday to you!" She pointed into the direction of the birthday boy...a 47 year old Naval Commander.

They cheered, clapped and whistled.

Mel poked me in the side, "Didn't see that one coming..."

I giggled and looked back over at the crowd, suddenly I began to feel sick again. Not the bad kind of sick...but the sick you get when you see something so perfect. He was 6'7" at least, the broadest shoulders, in great shape, and had the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen.

He began to look around until my stare was met by his.

I blushed wildly and mumbled, "Who is he?"

Yuri walked over and broke me out of my trance, "So who wants to bet that Maryam is going to either a) fall out of her skirt, b) molest a sailor, c) fall off the bar crashing into the liquor supply, or d) all of the above?"

Mel threw five dollars on the table and grinned, "I'm taking D."

Yuri looked at me, "Care to make a wager Monte?"

I looked back over at the direction of the sailor, but he wasn't in sight. I pondered for a second on Yuri's question, "I think she's kept herself together pretty good tonight. I'll go with just B."

"Good choice," Yuri nodded at both of us, "And I will take A."

We were cut off by Maryam yelling, "Welcome ladies and gentlemen of the US Navy! We hope you enjoy yourselves here at Amazon Heat!"

The music began to thunder and Saliva's "Born in the USA" began to play. Mar and Nicole were doing a cute dance. Very good choice...patriotic. We all know how rednecks love patriotic songs. Then they started to get very stripper-like. I was almost tempted to pull them down, but tonight...this was just too funny.

Bee ran back up to us, "I grabbed the camera. I knew you'd want pictures Monte."

She was so good at reading minds. How does she do it? I guess that saying is true: "You lose one sense and gain another."

I grabbed the cyber-shot from her and began clicking away. Nicole and Maryam were tearing up the bar and then I saw it...a breast. No, not Maryam's...Nicole's. It flew up in the air and landed in a mug of Miller Lite in front of Jenn and Sarah. I nearly fell out of the chair from hysterical laughter. Nicole kept moving and dancing; funny part was the only one who noticed was a local cop...he was too drunk to notice what it was and held it up and began to hoot and whistle. Then he put it in his mouth.

"EWWWWW!" Mel gasped and covered her mouth.

I put my hand across my mouth, "That was so wrong." I picked up the camera, "Earl! Up here!" I snapped a picture of him.

When the song ended the men hollered and whistled, and I swore I saw some dollar bills fly up in the air.

Lainey stood up on a chair and motioned for the V.I.P. party to follow her. They did as they were commanded. I motioned for Jenn and Sarah to take over the mini-bar and to make sure they were comfortable.

I began to make my rounds in the bar. When I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and had to look up; and there he was.

I shook my head, "Can I help you?"

"Yes," he grinned, "Would you-"

He was cut off by another sailor, "Josh! Oh man, you have got to see the banner!"

I ran as fast as I could away from him. There was an awkward moment coming up...I could feel it, so I had to run.

After about an hour of sitting at my perch fanning myself, I decided it was cake time. I wasn't sure how well this would go, but who knows...maybe they won't realize it's a giant dick.

I called all the girl's to the floor and Liza wheeled out the cake.

The penis reminded me of Maryam's penis outburst; I narrowed my eyes at her, "We need to talk about...things that were mentioned earlier when we get home."

The fear was noticeable in her eyes; that was good.

Bee gathered everyone, "Ok guys! Showtime!"

This was always my favorite thing about a birthday party. We sing "Happy Birthday" Marilyn Monroe style. Sexy and slow.

Me and Yuri stayed behind to tend to everyone else. I heard them begin to sing, and then I heard some whistles and "whooohoooing." Me and Yuri looked at each other...

"Maryam," we said at the same time.

Then we heard a crash and some "ooooooo's."

"Oh shit," I darted through the crowd to the V.I.P. room. I yanked the curtain back and saw the U.S.S. Gristle Missile cake balancing nicely in Sarah's hands.

Sarah looked relieved and then shot a dirty look at Laura.

Laura hung her head, "Sorry..."

"Would someone help me?!" Sarah motioned towards the "submarine."

She knocked the cake out of Kim and Brenna's hands and Sarah was able to catch it...thank God. It was right above the birthday...er...man's head.

"GUYS! DON'T START WITHOUT ME!" Maryam raced into the room and knocked the cake in the air.

I closed my eyes hoping this was all just a bad dream. Hoping that Maryam did not just run in here knocking a cake over, hoping that "Josh" was not in here witnessing this, hoping that some how God would be on my side and strike Maryam with a bolt of lightning...right now.

There was a "splat" and I knew it was real...the cake landed on Dick's head.

Complete silence washed over the room. Then there was some giggling.

"FOOD FIGHT!" was the only thing I heard.

"Oh god,"

There was no way in hell I was staying in there and I ran out. Mel, Yuri, Jackie, and a different officer joined me.

"Americans," he growled, "They have no respect for the uniform." He then realized who he was around, "No offense."

"None taken," Mel grinned sheepishly.

Kim and Brenna stumbled out huffing. Kim grabbed a towel by the bar, "UGH! I'M COVERED IN WEINER CAKE!"

Brenna laughed, "Not me! I want some more of it!" She ran back in.

I figured letting everyone have some fun tonight wouldn't hurt. And what happens in the V.I.P. room stays in the V.I.P. room.

Some time had passed and I heard Jenn and Sarah entertaining the group. At least they were happy. I peeked my head in and Jenn and Sarah were showing the men some of their "Bond Moves." And Liza and Lainey were nice enough to help out...against their will.

I was getting a drink for another customer when Kim came running to me, "Monte! They want to meet the owner! They seem real happy...especially about Maryam."

"What?! No lawsuits?!" I was shocked.

I walked behind the curtains and most of the girls had made themselves comfortable with the men. Maryam was on the birthday boy...he was 47 years old, but she was too far gone to realize that. Kim and Brenna were flirting like crazy with two younger looking boys in the back. Laura was in the corner watching in horror at Kim and Brenna. Liza and Lainey were throwing cake at each other while screaming "I hit you with my penis!"

None of the sailors got it...

"Well, ladies. Where is your owner? I want to tell him thank you for the fun birthday party myself," Dick questioned.

I smiled, "Here I am, sir. How can I help you?"

A sailor let a whistle out and yelled, "You can help me sweetie!"

Before I could reply to the...kind gesture, a man jumped in between me and him. I recognized that smile. He took my hand and began to apologize, "I would to apologize for my junior lieutenant here. And as his commanding officer," he turned his head and gave him a 'shut the hell up' look, "I will personally make sure he knows how to treat a lady." And then he kissed the top of my hand.

I laughed and removed my hand from his, "Thank you, but I can handle him myself."

"Oooooooo! You just got served!" Bee yelled out.

The junior lieutenant smiled and motioned to Bee with his beer, "I like her."

Dick laughed and put his hand on the handsome officer's shoulder, "I think you just hurt Lieutenant Smith's ego...GOOD FOR YOU!" He put his hand out, "I just wanted to thank you for the best birthday I've ever had."

I nodded, "You're welcome. Come back anytime."

He chuckled, "Oh we will."

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When the last person finally left, I knew it was going to be hell to clean.

"Awwww Monte, lets do it tomorrow!" Liza whined.

That sounded good to me..."Fine. Will someone grab Maryam's legs while I grab her arms?"

Yuri threw her hands up and began to shake them, "Me and Jackie got Nick." I looked over at Nick. He was passed out cold. His wig was beginning to slide off, his boob that didn't fall out was lop-sided. It looked like it was on his stomach.

Laura rolled her eyes and raised her hand, "I'll get her legs..."

Liza, Laniey, Kim and Brenna were still tossing cake around. Liza yelled at Brenna, "I just cummed on you!"

Yuri squished her face together, "Ugh, guys. Shut up."

Jenn and Sarah were bringing the cars around for us when I noticed Mel was missing.

"Mel?" I called.

"I'm here..." she emerged from the back room holding her stomach, "Too much Winky cake."

Bee began to laugh hysterically. Everyone looked at her like she was nuts. Still, she didn't stop. She was on the floor gripping her sides and began to tear up when she said, "The cake had cream filling like cum."

There was a pause...then an eruption of laughter.

"Damnit! Not again!" I groaned. Maryam was vomiting every five minutes on the way home. It was almost making me want to hurl, but I've been keeping my mind on other things...like a certain Lieutenant.

Sarah turned her head, "No, No, NO! Stick her damn head out the window Monte!" She began to roll down the Navigator's window in the back, "She is not puking in my car!"

"Well would you rather her puke ON your car?" I mocked.

She huffed and pulled the car over, "She needs to be put on restriction from alcohol and penis cake."

Laura laughed, "I think she needs to be restricted from old men too...that was just nasty."

Sarah nodded, "Did yall see her making out with him?! I thought his dentures were going to fall out!"

I laughed and tried to focus on getting Mar out to puke.

"Mel, can you help me here?" she was staring out the window. "...Mel? Mel? ...MEL!" I screamed.

She nearly jumped out of the car, "What is your deal banana peel?"

"Where in the hell are you?! Help me get Maryam out of the car. She's about to blow!" I warned.

Maryam looked up at me with a sloppy grin, "That's what he said." And then she vomited...all over Sarah's car.

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Hales, Marissa, and Yeva were asleep in the pool house when we pulled up to the old colonial. Their plane arrived later than expected, so I told them to go ahead and go to sleep. It would make no sense to make them stay up and hear Nick ralph up his liquor.

The next morning I smelled the most wonderful aroma coming from downstairs. Even being on the third floor, the smell seeped through the cracks of the doors. I stretched and groaned, "Thank God for Hales, Kim, Yeva, and Marissa..."

I stared out the window and saw the sun rising over the ocean and I smiled, "Its going to be a good day...I can feel it." I grabbed my pajama bottoms, put on my pink and black robe, and headed down to the kitchen. The smell of bacon, waffles, and biscuits filled the air.

Kim and Brenna were frolicking behind everyone putting their fingers on the waffles and screaming, "My germs!"

Maryam snapped at them trying to bite off their hands, Mel actually threw her waffle at them and suddenly decided she wanted a sausage and pickles biscuit, Jenn and Sarah were comparing to see who had the bigger waffle...in sexual humor, Yeva and Marissa were watching Yuri and Jackie demonstrate how recycling waffles into fris-bees would be safe and cost efficient for the environment, and Nick...well Nick was passed out on the side bar by Hales who was trying her best to shake him out of his hang-over.

"Damnit Nick!" she grumbled, "I have just the thing for you!" She turned to the refrigerator and began to dig and rummage around in it. Usually the fridge was stocked because of Kim and her food "experiments."

Kim and Brenna made their way around to Bee. Both of their fingers touched the food and Bee shrugged her shoulders, "Hell, I have enough anti-biotics to kill anything these two have..."

Brenna started to reach for Laura's waffle until Laura snatched her hand and screeched, "THAT'S MY WAFFLE!" over all the other voices filling the breakfast area. Everyone paused and looked at Laura. Some with food hanging out their mouths, others had food in their cheeks like they were squirrels.

"Good morning ladies and," I tapped Nick's head, "gentleman." After a few hellos, I started to wonder where Liza and Laniey were at.

Mel was watching Hales mix up Nick's drink, "They're in bed still...they were tired as hell from last night." How in the hell did she do that? I guess being around me enough will make you think like me.

"Did anyone check the mail yesterday?" Jenn questioned, "I have something coming in soon."

Nick rolled slightly on the bar and pointed to the little stack on the side table beside the breakfast bar, "GregshsentyousometinthMelisssssa."

"What in the hell did he just say?" Sarah mumbled with her mouth full of waffles.

Brenna picked up the mail and shuffled through it and picked out what was hers and Kim's. Mel snatched it from her, "He said that there was something for ME!"

Mel face was full of excitement until she saw what Nick was talking about, Greg Harrison, Mel's on and off again boyfriend. He is in the Marines and has the typical Marine attitude. He comes by every once in awhile when he is through with a tour or if he is on leave, Greg is not the nicest guy, but we deal with him because Mel is in love with him.

She began to read the letter and her face went from sorrow, to happy, back to sorrow. Apparently no good news from Iraq. She finally finished it and tucked it away in her pocket.

Jackie picked up the orange juice pitcher, "Bad news Mel?"

"No...he's...going...to be," she stumbled through her words, "Hes going to be home soon."

Yuri rolled her eyes and let out a sarcastic chuckle, "Great...nothing says good times like Private Harisson being home."

"Wasn't he just here like 2 months ago?" Kim whined.

Brenna pouted with her, "He always makes fun of us and is a jerk..." she paused and began to smile, "Can we kill him?" Kim began to nod her head with excitement.

We all stared at them in disbelief. She shrugged, "It was just an idea...just throwing it out there..."

Bee and Laura began to giggle, "Maybe he won't have to come home so soon..."

Everyone turned their attention to Bee and Laura wondering what in the hell did they mean.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Nick moaned, "I want to hear this. Hales, is that drink done yet?"

Hales grabbed a bottle of Tabasco sauce and dabbed a bit in it, "Almost done Nick, I swear." She made sure he wasn't looking and put some more in since he didn't look good at all. When she began to put another dab in the drink the Tabasco sauce fell in and almost all of the bottle was emptied. She shrugged, "It might be better for him."

Nick began to feel his head and whined, "Hales! Come on...Please hurry up!"

Hales eyed him, "Here Nick...its not quite right, but it might be a bit...tart, more so than usual."

He rolled off the counter, "I don't care! Just save me from this shit!"

She handed the drink to him and we all began to cringe.

Nick took a big gulp of it, "MOTHERFUCKER! HOLY JESUS! PLEASE SOMEONE KILL ME!"

We all covered our ears except for Bee; she continued to finish breakfast. When she finally noticed Nick she nearly fell out of her stool, "I think Nick has what Liza had. He's all red and hot."

Nick barreled toward the refrigerator and grabbed the nearest bottle...too bad it was the tequila. His face went from bad to worse, "WHO IN THE HELL PUT THE TEQUILA IN THE REFRIDGERATOR?!"

Marissa and Yeva raised their hands. Marissa smiled sheepishly, "It was a 'thank you' present...sorry."

After a good laugh and we all calmed down Brenna and Kim pressed on about what Bee and Laura were talking about.

Laura laughed, "I think Mel should tell yall about what we mean..."

"Hales, do you serve Italian at all?" Bee questioned giggling uncontrollably.

Haley gave a confused look, "No..."

Mel covered her face from embarrassment, "Stop it guys!"

Bee grabbed my arm nearly falling to the floor, "Mel wants Masimo's spaghetti and meatballs!"

"Masimo?" I asked with a confused look across my face, "Who in the hell is that?"

It finally sank into Jackie's head, "So that's why you were grinning all night...you met an Italian Stallion!"

Sarah and Jenn were laughing about something to themselves.

"Would you ladies like to share something with the class?" Yuri cocked her eyebrow.

Jenn began, "You know we all should have like the same last name to make us a real family..."

"...So we gave us a last name," Sarah finished laughing hysterically.

"LESEX!" the said in unison.

Jenn had a big grin on her face, "It makes since! I mean, we are all sexy as hell and we get guys all the time!"

"LeSex?" Maryam felt her chin like she was thinking hard, "THAT IS THE MOST FREAKING AWESOME NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD! I have no clue why I haven't thought of it first!"

I shrugged, "Me neither. I mean, Maryam thinks of shit like that all the time."

Kim and Brenna high-fived each other and started to jump up and down. Kim stopped for a second, "Oh my god yall! That is the coolest name ever!"

Brenna stopped with her, "We're going to make shirts with that have that name on the back!" She grabbed Kim, "Liza and Lainey can help us!" And they disappeared.

"LeSex huh?" Nick felt his head and turned his attention to Haley, "Hales, you are a genius! That shit is awesome!" He jumped off the side bar and made his way to the living room, "I'm going to get some old clothes for cleaning today."

Yuri huffed, "Awww man, I forgot about that..." She grabbed Jackie's waffle-free hand, "Lets go get ready. I'd hate to have to miss this fun event." Jackie stuffed her face as much as she could without spewing, and she began to follow Yuri out to their end of the house.

I took I bite of bacon, "This is excellent Hales. If yall want to, yall can stay here or go around the city and shop while we clean up." I smiled at Yeva and Marissa, "I'm not going to make yall clean up our mess."

"That's not a problem Monte," she began cleaning the dishes, "Yeva, Marissa, and I will clean up around the pool house and then come out there to help. We sort of just trashed the place."

Mel chimed in, "Yall live here now. Feel free to trash."

"You can even leave your porn everywhere!" Sarah added, "Yuri and Jackie do!"

Nick walked back in the kitchen, "Oh no yall are mistaken...that was my porn."

Jenn poked Sarah in the ribs, "Why did you have to say something about porn?!"

"I didn't know he was there!" Sarah retorted rubbing her side.

They all began to bicker when I turned my attention back to the girls, "Well, I need to go get ready for some cleaning. Feel free to come by and re-arrange the kitchen to your likings. Remember, yall are the chefs now and it's your kitchen."

Bee began to laugh and we all stared at her, "Limp bacon..." she giggled, "Can yall imagine putting that in a sentence, "'Hey man, you got some limp bacon!'"

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Sarah hauled most of the girls to clean, and I carried Nick, Maryam, Yuri, and Jackie. We were all pretty cramped, but they insisted on riding with me.

"So Monte..." I saw Nick grin from the corner of my eye, "Who was the officer that you were talking to last night?" His face was full of curiosity.

I glanced in the back seat and every pair of eyes met mine in the rear view mirror. There was nothing to tell! I was doing my job and being polite! How can they all think that I'd be distracted by some good looking officer...I mean, some stuck up officer? They are all insane to think I'd admit to them about my...attitude towards Lieutenant Smith.

Yuri chuckled, "Yes, please dear sister. I want to know who has made you speechless."

I laughed, "No one has made me speechless. I am just wondering why everyone is so curious about my love life."

"AH-HAH!" Maryam stuck her finger in the air like she discovered something, "You said 'love life' Monte! That means you already put him that category...don't lie to us."

I rolled my eyes, "Mar, that's not what I meant. He was just a nice man, and I had to be polite. That is my job. Nothing more."

We finally made it to Amazon Heat and I ran out of the car and noticed a blue Nissan Armada sitting infront of the pub doors.

Before I had a chance to question this, Jackie asked, "Who is that?"

I shook my head, "Not sure..."

We headed through the doors and we heard the music thumping and at the end of the hall I see little Liza running around with rags attached to her hands and feet.

Mel was eating a tomato and peanut butter bagel by the bar. She saw us come in, "Hey guys!" she shoved the bagel in my face and I pushed it back to her. She made a face and tried to give it to Nick, "Kim made it for me. Want a bite Nick?"

Nick's face turned a weird shade of pale...almost green and politely declined it.

"I'll take a bite!" Jackie reached over and snatched the bagel. She took a huge bite and managed to say, "This is so damn good. I wish it had pickles though..."

Maryam looked at the girls like they were crazy, "What in the hell are yall on...because I want some of it!"

I heard some deep laughing erupt from the V.I.P. area. Who in God's holy name is back there?

"Uhhhh Monte?" I heard Bee squeak from behind me, "There were these men here this morning...they insisted on coming in and they wouldn't take no for an answer."

I looked at her strangely, "Why didn't you call the cops?" I began to walk to the V.I.P. area then stopped. I turned around and arched my eyebrow, "Wait a second...yall are setting me up for something. Who's back there?"

Liza and Lainey got done with "rag-skating" and sat down with Brenna and Kim in the D.J. booth. They were all grinning at me. That was a freaky site.

Laura grabbed a cup of coffee from the back area, "Just to let you know Monte...this wasn't my idea."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" My face was scrunched with confusion radiating from everywhere.

Sarah came over to me and hugged me, "I love you Monte. And remember this was all Jenn's idea!"

Jenn jumped up in defense, "No! It was Laura's idea!"

The bickering ensued. First I saw Laura try and yank Jenn's mop out of her hands and chase her with it. Sarah, being the loving friend she is begins to chase Jenn as well. Then the tables turned when Jenn grabs a sponge off the counter and nail Laura in the face. Maryam sees this and launches after Jenn with Nick's water bottle of Hales' "special juice."

"Damnit Maryam!" Nick rushed after her to get it back, "I need that!"

"GUYS!" I yelled, "Everyone needs to start cleaning now!"

Everyone was staring at me again, this time they were giggling.

I arched my eyebrow, "What in the hell is wrong with yall?" I motioned towards the door behind me with my thumb, "Hurry up-"

"OW!" I heard a familiar voice yelp.

I paused briefly and turned to see a handsome Lieutenant standing about 1 feet from me holding his head touching his eye.

"You poked me in the eye!" He chuckled.

I was confused, "What are you doing here?"

"Damn Josh," I saw a couple of the other guys appear, "She almost made you go on medical leave."

He grinned still rubbing his eye, "My commanding officer said I had to return and help, plus I volunteered."

Some of the guys grumbled and the shorter one popped up, "Yeah he did..."

Liza let out a whistle and Jackie smacked her in the back of the head. Then it started again...Sarah poked Jackie, Yuri tackled Sarah, Jenn dog piled on them...it was endless...

They all began to run around and I saw Liza trip Jenn and Lainey grab Sarah. Lainey hollered, "Get 'em Maryam!"

I felt my temples and looked at the clock on the wall. It was already 2:00 and the bar looked like Holy Hell. "Guys!," there attention was finally mine now; they all looked at me, "Calm down! I need yall to help out getting this place cleaned up!"

Nick tried to snatch his "special juice" from Maryam making it combust and fly into Bee's eyes.

"HOLY SHIT!" Bee cried out, "WHAT THE FUCK?! OH MY GOD I'M BLIND!"

One of the soldiers, the one who said he liked Bee, ran over and moved her to a chair while trying to comfort her.

Bee tried to open her eyes a bit, but it stung, "OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M HELEN MOTHERFUCKING KELLER!"

Mel snorted and I jabbed her in the side while chuckling, "Its not that funny..."

Yuri covered her and Jackie's mouth because Jackie was rolling in her chair nearly choking on laughter. Laura managed to hold herself together well while trying to scold Maryam and Nick, but laughing at them didn't help. Liza was wiping Bee's eyes while Lainey pinned her arms down.

After some screaming and some bickering, we all calmed down.

"Someone get crip here a walking stick and a book with bumps on it," Mel teased.

Bee turned her swollen face to Mel, "You know Mel, I can still sort of see...I know what you said."

Josh looked down at me, "We better leave soon, or we all might go blind."

I blushed, "Sorry about your eye. I swear, I didn't mean it this time..."

He laughed, "This time? You are such a mean little thing...You can make it up to me if you would like."

"No, I think I'll be ok. I don't have a guilty conscience," his face fell and I paused, "Wait a second..." And I grinned, "Ok, I'll make a deal with you."

He smirked, "I'm intrigued...go on."

"It's simple really...you do something for me, and I'll do something for you; within reason of course," I smiled devilishly. Ohhh this would be so good.

He thought for a moment, "Within reason? What does that cover?"

"You'll have to wait and see when the time comes," I answered.

He took my hand and kissed it, "Deal."

My god. He was...so...bad.

There was a brief moment where my eyes and his swollen and good eyes met, and I felt my heart leap.

I took my hand back and began to walk to the back room, "See you tonight fellas."

_________________________________________________________________

"Let me take you out tonight," he begged. I rolled my eyes...this guy was really getting on my nerves. Maybe if I throw a beer he'll run. I had been stalked all night by a guy named Matt who likes to take long walks on the beach, has a yacht in the Med. Sea, and yada yada yada.

Yuri tossed a beer to me and I fed it to the hungry pervert like a lion and made my escape. I walked over to Mel to check on her, "You ok? You look pale."

Mel smiled faintly, "Just a bit queasy. I'm going to go in the lounge for a bit."

I smiled faintly, "Ok..."

"Get away from me!" Lainey shrieked at a dark haired guy persisting her. Hell at least I'm not the only one here...

He just smirked, "But you and me are meant to be Lainey! See?! It rhymes!"

She rolled her eyes, "We are only meant to be complete strangers I think Hunter."

"Excuse me, young man?" I tapped him on his shoulder, "Let me see your I.D."

Lainey smiled and mouth "thank you" and ran off.

He reached for his wallet and asked me, "Are you Lainey's mom?"

I smacked him, "NO! DO I LOOK THAT OLD?!"

"Owww...no," he paused and realized Lainey disappeared, "Where'd she go?"

I pointed my finger to the door, "Outside."

"She's outside?!" his eyes popped open. No doubt thinking that area is wide open and she can't get very far.

But I had to correct him, "No, you outside!"

When I began to shove him towards the door, he broke out into song, "LAINEY! I LOVE YOU BABY! AND IF IT'S QUITE ALRIGHT, I NEED YOU BABY TO WARM THE LONELY NIGHTS!"

"OH HELL NO! She is not warming any lonely nights for you until she is out of my house!" I roared.

Nick saw the episode and grabbed his other arm. We struggled while trying to get the psycho out of the bar. He started to pull back towards the bar and I kicked him in the balls.

Amazon Heat fell silent.

"Up your ziggy with a wa-wa brush!" He cried out and fell to the ground.

An eruption of laughter filled the bar. I looked at Kim and Brenna and the music started up again.

Yuri hopped over the bar making her way through the crowd and laughed, "What in the hell did he just say?"

"I think..." Maryam scratched her head, "I think he called you a vagina with a strange vibrator in it...like a cheap vibrator."

I bent over and slapped him, "For your information we only buy the best! And they glitter!"

"Well that's something nice to know about the girl you are trying to date," I heard some chucking and I turned to see the Navy men standing behind me.

There was an awkward pause and Jenn jumped in, "So gentlemen, you made it!"

"LAINEY! WHERE FOR ART THOU LAINEY?!" He bellowed out.

Nick huffed, "Will you ladies excuse me? I need to dump this pedo outside."

A small smile graced the side of my face, "Hey, would you like something to drink?"

"Yes mam! Can I escort you to the bar?" He held out his arm for me to take.

I paused and looked at him, "I don't need an escort my dear, unless...you want to use one of your favors now..."

"I don't know man," his friend said, "She looks a little evil."

Bee popped up, "Oh my, you are the little stud who Jenn was talking about all night. What's your name and number, so I can help her out."

The light haired, blue eyed man chuckled, "Whos Jenn?"

I saw Jenn push Sarah in front of her and squeak, "Hi! I'm Jenn!"

Sarah huffed and pushed Jenn forward, "This is Jenn."

"Oh man. Josh I love you for bringing us here again," he started to strut to Jenn, "My name is Zac Robins. Why don't you come tell me what's the best drink around here? Is it 'Sex on the Beach?'"

I though Jenn was going to throw down right then and there, but she just winked and whispered, "You might just have to wait and see..." They walked off to the bar.

"So Lieutenant," I turned my attention back to my piece of meat, "What do you think? Do something for me?"

His face fell, and then quickly turned into a cocky smile again, "Oh right! Well, what would you like me to do?" I could tell what was running through his mind, and his eyes trailed from my vine wrapped legs, to the leaf top, and then to my narrowed eyes.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I growled.

He chuckled, "The gutter...I'd like to go to the glittery gutter and try those nice toys you have."

My face was burning so bad, and then I thought of a brilliant plan. "Lieutenant," I smirked, "Follow me..." and I winked. Oh yeah...he came running.

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"Where in the hell is Nick?!" Maryam whined, "He is supposed to dance with me on the bar!"

Sarah looked around, "There he is!" We all turned to see an attractive little red head smiling and joking with Nick.

"Who's she?" Marissa asked writing an order.

I shook my head, "I've never seen her here before, but Maryam don't worry. I have a perfect dance partner for you."

She eyed me, "I am not making Yuri get in that g-string again!"

Yuri's ears must have super powers. She ran from the bar to me in 2 seconds flat, "G-string?! Hell no! I am not doing that again! Do you know how long it took to pull that dental floss out of my ass? I had a permanent wedgie for a week! That is the last time I cover for Nick."

"No no no!" I waved my hands, "I meant my little man-servant."

Maryam nodded and clapped her hands, "Oh yes! Has he already changed?!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Maryam, where have you been? That's what I took him back there for!"

"Oh hell, I thought...uh...you were, you know...having relations," She moved he head awkwardly side to side.

My eyes grew huge realizing what she meant, "No! Oh no! I was showing him the costume room!"

Mel emerged from the back room with a stunned look on her face, "G-string...man...scrotum...uh...gross."

"Melissa!" there was a strange, but beautiful accent calling Mel's name. And then I turn to see the famous Italian Stallion, Masimo.

"Well buona sera ladies," he began to kiss all of our hands, "It is very nice to finally meet all of you. Melissa has told me so much about all of you."

Kim and Brenna ran from the DJ booth to meet the new foreigner, followed by Lainey and Liza.

Laura tried to start the conversation, "Ciao Masimo! I'm Laura. I hop-"

Kim ran into Laura cutting her off. "Hi I'm Kimberly, and this is my less important sister Brenna," she smiled sweetly.

Brenna elbowed her, "But I am the prettier one," she gave her best smile, "Hi I'm Brenna."

Liza and Lainey just giggled as the twins began to fight again. Liza approached first, "My names Liza, and this is my friend Lainey."

"Ciao Liza and Lainey," he smiled sweetly kissing the tops of their hands.

Oh man he was good. I could see them melting like a bar of chocolate in Maryam's pants after a night of her adventures.

"Oh Mel," Bee walked up oblivious to the on going situation, "Where's that hot Italian guy that you were talking about last night?" She began to look around, "You did remember to put on Saturdays' underwear right? If he's getting in your pants, make sure you wear the right day."

Mel's face turned bright red.

Bee turned back to her, "Damn everyone is getting sick! Did you get drunk and make out with Nick again?"

Masimo's face was very composed and unfazed.

Mel answered our question before we all could ask, "He speaks English, but not fluently."

"Thank God for that," Sarah said, "He might think we're weird. I mean, we don't want to give him the wrong impression."

Laura eyed Sarah, "Oh yeah...since everyone knows that's definitely not what we are."

Jackie walked up to the group and grinned, "He's ready."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all took our seats as Maryam ran to the back room. There was an eruption of laughter and then a distinct, "Shut up!"

"So, is this like a ballet?" Masimo asked caressing Mel's arm.

I leaned forward and turned to Mel. I cocked my eyebrow, "Mel, what exactly did you tell him about the bar? A ballet? Unless he means Maryam running around in fishnets and a short skirt, I think he's got the wrong idea."

She shrugged, "I told him we were going to a restaurant."

"In Italy, we have a clamoroso ballet in restaurant," he grinned.

Yuri eyed Mel, "Oh yes Monte. He knows."

"What?!" she defended, "He's a damn sailor too! He knows what a bar is!"

Laura looked around the bar and then at her uniform, "How in the hell did you convince him we have ballet when we are dressed like Amazon Women?"

Mel shrugged, "I told him we dress up for themes for special crowds...like for children. Which we do!"

"Yes Mel, but you failed to mention we entertain certain crowds not with ballet, but with our bodies! And we certainly do not entertain children!" Laura came back quickly.

Jenn laughed, "I wouldn't say that. Those men in the Navy are like kids. You have to give them candy. And candy equals wiggling your ass and throwing them a beer...and let the tips roll out."

Jackie giggled and tried to change the subject, "Masimo, do you like...uh, well not exactly exotic dancing, but...burlesque. Yes! Do you like burlesque dancing with a little pole mixed in?"

He thought for a moment and smiled, "Like stripper? Oh yes. Italy's full of them. Trashy women."

Jenn choked on her drink and Sarah began to slap her on the back.

Lainey, Liza and the twins burst into laughter.

"Really?" Yuri eyed Masimo with interest. Jackie caught this and smacked her in the back of the head. She then turned to me, "Like I said Monte, I think he gets it."

Hales came up behind us and sat a basket of chips beside Sarah, "I thought yall might want something for the show. I even brought you cheese dip Sarah."

Hales winked at Sarah, and Sarah blushed, "Thanks Hales."

Bee jumped when she saw the food, "Oh man I'm starving!" She grabbed the cheese dip and ran off.

Sarah leapt to her feet, "You will die Helen Keller!"

Yeva plopped down beside me, "So what's up?"

"Well, Mel's new friend thinks we are ballet dancers that like to dress up in theme for children and in about uh..." I glanced at the clock, "1 minute he's going to figure out what we exactly do around here."

Marissa grabbed a fry from her food basket, "Personally, I figured a foreign man would think that was hot. I mean, can Italian women look that good?"

"Masimo," Laura asked, "Do you have family or a girlfriend?"

He pulled out a few pictures and my mouth dropped. His family was incredibly good-looking.

"Does that answer your question Marissa?" Brenna laughed.

The lights began to dim and I heard the music begin...

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Kim walked back up to the booth, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a special treat for you tonight! Magnificent Maryam will be performing again along with a partner!"

There were some cheers and a few whistles.

Nick's head sprung up from the girl he was talking to, and he ran over to me, "What the hell? Who's dancing with Maryam?"

My smile grew larger, "A certain Lieutenant..."

"No...you didn't! Did you?!" He asked in disbelief.

I nodded, "I did. Are you scared he might take your spot?"

Nick scoffed, "Take my place? Dear sister, there's only enough room for one queen in this place. And it is reserved for me."

"SHHHHHHH!" Jackie quieted us down.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Give it up for Maryam and Joshlene!" Kim's voice rang over.

I burst into laughter, "Joshlene?!"

The spot light hit the bar and I saw Maryam leaning against the wooden post on one end, and then I turn to see where the other was, and then I saw him...Joshlene was in a mini skirt, fish net stockings, and a tube top that showed his, er...her amazing abs.

I leaned to Yuri, "Is it wrong that I think he still looks hot like that?"

Yuri laughed, "Nah, I feel the same thing when Jackie dresses like an umpa loompa."

Only the Farrara's.

"Pour Some Sugar on Me" began to play. I knew before the night was over with, I was going to lose it. He looked like a cross-dressing Greek God.

I think the funniest part of the whole thing was, I think he enjoyed it. He began to shake his ass to the crowd and bent over exposing...everything.

"Oh Jesus!" one of Josh's friends covered his eyes, "I never thought I'd see the Lieutenant like this. What about you Miller?"

Miller yelled, "Not me! I remembered back in basic, he was ordered to climb the flag pole in nothing but a smile. And he did it! I can't believe you weren't there Jackson!"

"Whoooo! Take it off!" Bee yelled beside the men.

I hit the jackpot.

Maryam began to get jealous that Josh was getting the attention and decided to take some sugar and spread it across her lips, "Who's going to lick it off?!"

There was a loud crash of men running into chairs and tables to get to Maryam, but one poor guy was pushed to the front by accident. He was another one of Josh's friends.

"Oh Folds! You lucky bastard!" one called.

Another continued, "Yeah Carl! You always get the ladies."

Carl Folds looked at Maryam like he was a deer in head lights. He looked terrified.

Her finger grazed the side of his face, "Come on Carl..."

Carl leaped on the bar and began to make out with Maryam in front of everyone. It was hilarious, but it seemed like they both enjoyed it.

Josh clapped, "Good for you Folds!" His eyes landed on me, "Its my turn now..."

My eyes looked like saucers.

"Come on Miss Farrara! Lets see what those lips can do!" He grinned.

Yuri pushed me, "Go Monte!"

Holy crap.

The tube top went flying in the air and hit Nick in the head. He held it up and cheered, "Hell yeah!"

Josh sprawled himself across the bar and poured the sugar on his chest, "Lets go Karin..."

My knees nearly buckled from underneath me, "I'm coming, hold on Joshlene!"

"Already?!" Nick shouted from behind us.

I gave him a dirty look.

Ok. Moment of truth. The crowd began to chant, "LICK! LICK! LICK!"

My eyes were shut tightly as I began to run my tongue across his abs, and then I felt two hands grab my shoulders. All of a sudden I was kissing the Lieutenant. I was in pure bliss until I heard...

Bee's very loud voice, "OOOOOHHHHH Monte likes 'em all dirty!" Followed by my family's uncontrolable laughter.

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The restlessness of the night had gotten to us. Maryam wanted to go to 7/11 for a slurpy, so we all drank a little and decided it was a good idea. Liza, Lainey, Kim and Brenna all decided to go home because they were tired; Mel and Masimo...well I'm not sure where they went. Thank God for designated drivers...Mel, Jackie, Yeva, and Marissa drove us while Maryam's new boy-toy, Carl, drove the men.

"I want a hot dog!" Maryam giggled as she ran to the food section.

Josh was grinning at me the whole night. He started to follow me down the candy aisle, "So, I guess its my turn now. I get my favor."

I bit my lip, "Which is?"

"Let me take you out to dinner," he said with completely sober eyes.

My mind was racing through so many things, should I let him? Will he be an ass? Could he be like Greg? Am I going to be able to control myself around him?

"I hope you are saying 'yes' in your head, but are to shy to say it; otherwise I might think you are going to turn me down," his face was serious, yet amused.

I shook my head rapidly, "No no! I was just thinking am I strong enough to control myself around...oh shit."

"AH HAH!" Laura yelled from behind me, "You drank WAY too much, Monte!"

I glared over my shoulder, "I did not! That third bottle of Jack just made me tipsy!"

Yuri's head popped over the shelf, "Bottle of what?"

Jenn giggled from Zac's side, "Jack! I love Jack!"

"You love who Jenn?" Yuri's face began to turn red.

Sarah put her hand on Yuri's shoulder, "You are such a mean drunk."

Hales whispered something in Sarah's ear and she blushed.

Marissa noticed, "What was that? I think you said something about 'Ooooh Sarah, I love it when you take control!'"

"Shut up Marissa!" Hales began to chase after Marissa.

Another one of Josh's friends, Will Harte, stared at Hales and Sarah, "I love lesbians. You guys have to take me home and have your way with me."

"Me too," another chimed in.

"Hell no Chris! These are mine!" Will hiccupped.

Chris grinned, "There are 2 sets Will." He then looked at Jackie and Yuri.

"Oh hell no!" Yuri began to stalk towards Chris until Maryam ran into her.

"Guys! I love this hotdog! Look at it!" Maryam held up the longest hotdog I've ever seen.

My eyes were focused on Carl who was just shrugging.

Laura laughed, "Carl I hope you know thats how long she likes 'em."

His eyes bulged, then a grin crossed his face, "She'll be more than pleased then."

Bee was stuffing her face with twinkies, "Holy shit thats a big weiner!"

Joe Miller stood off to the side laughing at all of us, "Too bad Folds was lying! His weiner isn't that big!"

"Oh and how would you know?" Bee stared at thim cocking her eyebrow.

"STRIP STRIP STRIP!" Laura yelled from behind us.

My face was so red from laughter, "Bee! You got some of that creme filling on ya!"

She wiped the side of her face, "Ahhhh! It cummed me!" She threw the twinkie and hit Yuri on the side of the head.

Yuri's face was very serious, "Food fight!"

Jenn ran to the slurpy machine and filled the cup and dumped it on Zac's head, Yuri took Jackie to the side and kissed her head, Sarah and Hales were throwing nacho cheese at each other, Maryam and Carl were hitting each other with weiners, Will and Chris were trying to lick the cheese off of Sarah and Hales, Joe was throwing twinkies at Bee, Yeva and Marrissa grabbed some cheetos and began to snack while watching the chaos, and Laura jumped on the counter by the cashier and was distracting him with her cleavage.

I ran outside followed by Josh.

"Oh man. You have one crazy family!" he said holding his side.

I smiled, "I know they're crazy, but I don't know what I'd do without them."

He nodded, "I feel the same about my guys. They are my family."

There was silence.

"So," he moved towards me, "About my favor...I changed it."

I frowned. I was really looking forward to dinner, "Oh? And what did you change it to?"

His face slowly moved towards me...and I followed his pattern. Closer...and closer, until I could smell his aftershave.

"I want a real kiss from the beautiful girl who made me dance in front of complete strangers in fishnets and a tube top," he smirked.

He dangled the bait, and I was hooked. Our lips met, and I felt like fireworks were going off. my heart was fluttering and I could hear nothing else...not even Bee yelling at us about an incoming Twinkie.

And we were hit.

"Awwwwwww! I'm sorry! Ignore the cr�me!" she squealed.

"RUUUNNNNNN!" Laura came out screaming, "The boss is calling the cops!"

We looked at each other. And I felt like the fireworks were still going off.

"I'll see you again," he smiled, "Good night, my love."

_____________________________________________________________________

Ahhhh...silence is golden. That's what I always loved about the old Colonial, it was always so peaceful. For the most part, my family is only rowdy at Amazon Heat, but when we get home everyone is so calm. It might be because the house is so huge, and we basically have our own little space in the house.

"AHHHHHH!"

My eyes shot open from my lovely dream of me and James Franco. I rolled off my bed and grabbed my robe, "Whoever is just having kinky sex will pay..."

"OH MY GOD! SOMEONE HELP!" Laura's voice echoed throughout the manor.

"Oh shit," I said and I grabbed the nearest thing to me, a vase full of flowers. I knew I'd be one of the last people there. I had so far to run.

Footsteps were heard from everywhere, I heard a few screams and some gasps.

Laura's voice got louder, "HELP ME! NO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Laura I'm coming!" I yelled hurdling down the stairs into the living room.

I heard a crash and some more screams, "Get out of here you sick freak!"

"Stop! Its not what you think!" a strange voice pleaded.

WHACK!

I sprinted down the hall towards the west wing with Jenn and Sarah at my heels. Liza and Lainey were ahead of me and the twins were already in the room making death threats. My knees almost gave, but I made it; I skidded into Laura's room and tumbled into Brenna, then I saw what the commotion was about.

Maryam was standing over a very terrified looking guy with an industrial size bottle of KY jelly in her hands. Nick was beside her with a...glittery toy in his hand.

Yuri was beside her pointing a paintball gun at him, "You better not get up if you know what's good for ya! This baby shoots 50 rounds per second!"

"Yeah!" Jackie jumped in holding a hair brush, "And uh...I can beat you with this all wooden brush!"

Yuri turned to look at her and then eyed the strange man, "Trust me...that shit hurts."

WHACK!

"Owwww!" Yuri rubbed her head tenderly.

I stood up from my wreck of an entrance and grabbed Laura, "What is going on?!"

Her face was extremely red, "I...have no idea. Only thing I remember from last night was us drinking with yall...and then, its almost completely blank."

Maryam squirted some of the jelly on him, "Ok man! TALK! Where did you come from?!"

"I came ov-"

Nick smacked him with the toy, "SHE SAID TALK MAN! NOT WHISPER!"

He flinched back and dodged the giant dildo, "Ahhh! Stop it!"

Maryam gave it another squeeze and leaned towards Nick, "This is kind of fun..."

Nick's was grinning and then he made an awkward face, "Mar, please stop...I'm getting a uh...well..."

"Ewww! Nick has a boner!" Kim and Brenna squeeled from behind me.

Yuri crinkled her face, "Ugh Nick. Come on man."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Dear God Nick. Would you please control that?"

Jenn pushed Maryam out of the way and approached the scared boy, "I'm a bit more sane..."

Laniey coughed, "Bullshit!"

Sarah cocked her eyebrow, "What was that Laines?"

Liza cleared her throat and smiled sweetly, "I believe she said 'bullshit.'"

"Oh lord," I mumbled.

And there they went...Sarah snatched Nick's dildo and began to beat Liza and Lainey with it. Jenn snatched the lube from Maryam and began to squirt Liza in the face.

"Damnit Jenn!" Liza growled and smacked the bottle away hitting the twins in the face.

Nick and Maryam joined them slipping around in the jelly.

"This feels like what I did on the 4th of July last year!" Maryam laughed to Nick.

Yuri held the gun steadily at the crouching intruder, "What's your name, dirt bag?!"

His eyes were wide, "My na-name is..."

Jackie huffed impatiently and grabbed him by the neck, "Damnit boy! Tell us your damn name before I take that dildo and make Nick do anal reconstructive surgery on you!"

Laura's face turned beet-red and she mumbled, "Oh my God...I remember you now."

"Now you do?!" he gasped, "Will you please tell them who I am?"

Her face was riddled with confusion, "Well, I think I remember. I was talking to you about something and then..." Her face went blank.

I shook her, "What?!"

She ducked her head low where only me, Yuri, Jackie, and the guy could hear, "Did we, uh...you know?"

"Oh holy shit!" I threw my hands up in the air, "I need to leave!"

Yuri pointed the paintball gun barrel to his cheek, but it slipped off due to the lube. She readjusted the gun, "What in the hell is your name?"

"Laura, you slept with a guy and you don't remember or even know his name?!" Jackie screeched.

"HELLO!" the strange boy stood up throwing his hands in the air, "My name is Adam! We did NOT sleep together, I knew she was wasted. She left her purse, and I brought it to her! We started to make out and then she passed out! That's it...that's the story...THE END!" He gasped.

Everyone froze.

My eyes shifted to Laura, "Is that what happened?"

Her face got red, "Yeah. I think so."

"You think so?!" Jackie fumed, "Oh no! She is lying!"

Laura jumped up towards Jackie in defense, "I am not!"

"Laura, sit down!" Yuri warned. Her eyes began to do that twitchy thing; she only does that when she is seriously angry.

Maryam pushed Yuri, "Hey! That's my sister. And even if she's a little fucker, I still love her!"

"That's my wife!" Jackie pushed Maryam towards the window.

Nick grabbed Maryam, "Let me handle this." He strode over to Jackie and pushed her shoulder with his pointer finger, "That was mean."

Yuri looked around, "Laura, where is that baseball bat signed by Chipper Jones?"

Maryam's jaw dropped at Nick, "That's it?! Let me show you how to really do it!" She walked over to Jenn and pushed her into Laura's wicker chair, "See? She completely lost balance and fell like a goober."

Sarah jumped on Maryam's back like a mad woman throwing both of them into Liza and Lainey.

Lainey grabbed the KY jelly bottle and began to douse everyone in lube.

Kim and Brenna picked up Liza like a rag doll and tossed her out the bedroom door.

"What the hell?!" Liza screamed at the twins.

Brenna shrugged, "We felt left out."

Yuri found the bat, "Oh hell yeah! Nick, come here dear brother..."

I threw my hands in the air, "HEY! Everyone calm the fuck down!" I pointed at the baseball bat, "Give me that."

"You're not my moth-" she began.

"NOW!" I barked.

Yuri gave me the autographed bat and she flopped on Laura's desk chair. She folded her arms and grumbled something or another about 'she knew where I slept.'

I pointed at Laura, "Laura is over 18. Which means, she is grown and a legal adult," I eyed Jackie, "So as long as she knows who this guy is, we have no reason to be jumping her."

Brenna and Kim were whispering to themselves, and then they nodded together.

I sighed, "What is it?"

"We saw Laura sneak him in," they said in unison.

Maryam clapped, "I am so proud of you Laura!"

"LOOK! If Laura brought him in I'm ok with it," I looked down at Laura and her petrified friend, "As long as she tells me, I have no problem with him coming over."

Everyone was silent.

"And besides," my attention fell to the twins, "I've seen some of you sneak boys in who were WAY above your legal ages."

Hales, Marrissa, and Yeva busted in with spatulas and whisks.

Jenn laughed, "You were going to whisk them to death, while beating him with the spatula?"

Yeva's eyes grazed the sight before her, "Better than lube and a dildo I would say."

"Yes," Marrissa cocked an eyebrow, "If I did not know any of you. I'd say yall kidnapped this poor guy and made him your sex slave."

"Hey!" Nick jumped up pointing at Marrissa, "That was one time. And you were there so don't act to innocent."

Maryam coughed, "Twotimes."

"What took yall so long?" I asked Hales.

"Have you tried running from that guest house to the other end of the property?!" Hales looked over at Sarah who was lying in a pile of lube, "And what were yall screaming about? There's nothing wrong here."

Adam began to back away towards the window.

"He's going to jump!" Kim yelled.

Everyone, except for me, Yuri, Jackie, and Laura, dogged piled on Adam pulling him away from the window.

"What the hell guys?!" a voice called from Laura's bedroom door. Bee was standing there with a sour look on her face, "Yall told me yall would include me the next time we have a massive orgy!"

Nick ran to Bee, "This is Adam. Laura's boyfriend."

"I'm not her boyfriend," he corrected.

Laura's face fell.

I could've sworn I saw him wink and squeeze her hand...but my thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.

Liza ran to answer it.

"Guys, is everything ok now?" I felt my head making sure it was still on my shoulders. There was a good chance it could've exploded from all the confusion that was filling the room. I realized something very strange, "Where's Mel?"

Marrissa ran to the window, "I don't see her car..."

I narrowed my eyes, "Hmmmm..."

"Monte! Its for you!" Liza called from the hallway.

Everyone began to talk and squirt each other when I walk out. I sighed, "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful," his voice rang in my ears like sweet church bells.

I blushed and decided to have some fun, "Uh...who is this?"

"Is there more than one guy calling you?" He asked sternly.

I giggled, "Maybe...lots of men call me. George is this you?"

There was silence.

"Hello?" I started to sound concerned now. I hope he didn't think I was serious.

I heard a chuckle, "Well, how many men dress in a thong and fishnets just so you would give them a chance?"

He got me there, "Oh this is the lieutenant! Is there something you needed?"

He coughed, "Well, I was wondering...if uh..."

"He wants to get into your pants Karin!" I heard Zac yell into the phone.

Another voice that sounded like Joe chuckled, "Yeah he does...you should've heard his drunk ass last night!"

There was some muffling sound and a few 'ows.' I tapped the phone, "You there?"

"Yeah...I had to help Zac and Joe. They have Tourette's Syndrome. Poor guys; they yell random things. They can never get a date because of the ignorant things that come out of their mouths," he laughed.

I giggled and nodded, "Ahhh, I see. So they spew random facts about their commanding officer?"

"Exactly!" Carl piped in.

"Anyways," he changed the subject, "I wanted to see if you and your family would like to have dinner tonight..."

I was smiling like I just won the jackpot, "Yes!" I coughed and calmed down, "Well...I mean, what are you going to do for me?"

"What would you like?" he was smooth. There was no doubt in that.

I decided to take it easy on him, "I want you to cook Italian fettuccini Alfredo pasta here at our house. Mel's been craving Italian lately..."

"That's it?" he asked a little hesitantly, like I was trying to trick him.

I rubbed my chin, "Hmmm...I also want yall to make dessert. My favorite is chocolate strawberries..."

"Tell him flan!" Yuri yelled out behind me.

There was silence.

"Are you there?"

He coughed, "Uh yeah...chocolate strawberries and flan. Got it. See yall at about 1900." And there was silence.

I giggled to myself.

Bee began to do the cabbage patch, "Monte's going to get it on tonight!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So many things were racing through my mind at this very moment. What am I going to do? What am I going to wear?! I wonder what Lieutenant Smith would like...I mentally slapped myself for being so weak to a pair of gorgeous blue eyes and some muscles. Oh he talked smooth...so smooth; like those muscles...my unclean thoughts were interrupted.

"Monte?" I heard a slight tap at my door. Yuri's voice sounded concerned, "Monte? You there?"

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, come in."

Yuri and Jackie walked in cautiously. Yuri closed the door and locked it, "We need to talk to you about something."

My eyes shot up from my closet to Yuri's worried eyes, "What's going on?"

Her eyes gazed upon Jackie.

"What's wrong with Jackie?!" I practically ran to Jackie checking her for cuts or bruises. I looked like a monkey picking fleas off another.

Jackie laughed, "I'm ok Kar. We just need to talk to you about something really important."

I nodded and they led me to my sofa by the window.

Yuri seemed real nervous and started fiddling with my Sims 2 game, "You know I love this game, I remember how I used to get into fights with the neighbors all this time."

"That because they were Kim and Brenna..." I smiled.

She grinned, "And me and Jackie had such a big house. We owned in that game."

Jackie couldn't stand it and blurted out, "We're having a baby!"

I cocked an eyebrow, "In the game? How did yall do that?"

"NO!" they said in unison.

My eyes got wide, "No...are you serious?!"

Yuri grinned and Jackie smiled warmly, "Yes. Its a girl."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Panic was rising in my throat, stress was giving my young head grey hair, and I felt extremely sick.

I ran to the bathroom and vomited up Twinkies I had earlier. The worst part the whole thing was I thought about the 'cream filling' and I began to puke even more. When I finally calmed down and caught a break I rested my head against the side of the sink.

I grabbed the side of the trash can for balance and knocked it over, "Shit."

Everything spilled out; feminine hygiene wrappers, tissue, and a pregnancy test..."What the hell?!" I grabbed the non-urinated end of the sick and noticed it was a positive. My mind was screaming, 'it's Jackie's!' But there was a little voice in the back of my head trying to tell me it was someone else's. Why would Jackie come out here to take a preggo test? Why not at their side of the manor?

I threw the test underneath the sink towards the back, "I'll ask Yuri about this later..." I told myself.

My mind was racing as I entered the living room again and plopped down on the couch and picked up a magazine.

"Mel!" I threw the copy of 'Red Book' on the side table, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Mel and Masimo walked in and she looked exhausted, "We went to town so Mas could do some sight seeing and I was craving a croissant."

"I am so sorry...eh, Monte?" He looked at Mel to see if he said my name right, "I really wanted to see the uh...the haunted houses."

I looked at both of them suspiciously, "Fine...We're having dinner tonight at the house. The guys are coming over."

"Whats for dinner?" Mel asked.

A smile crept up the side of my face, "Italian."

Masimo's face became blank and then he looked at Mel and began to panic, "They are going to eat me?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dinner was in utter silence.

"So, eh, the pasta is good?" Masimo encouraged...still thinking we were canabalistic.

Marissa shook her head, "No, I think there is something missing...something more solid and meaty."

Brenna laughed, "Meaty..."

"Like as in penis 'meaty.'" Kim added.

Zac chuckled, "Well everyone, did you all take some sane pills tonight? No food fights, no sugar dances, no drunkeness?"

"We are just tired," Jenn said wondering the same thing as everyone else.

Lainey and Liza skipped dinner for a concert downtown. Its good that they did, they would've been bored out of their skulls.

Laura eyed everyone, "Can someone please pass the alfredo sauce?"

"I'll get it," Adam smiled lifting the bowl for her.

"You ok?" Josh lifted his eyebrows in concern.

My mind was still racing around babies and pregnancy..."Yeah...uh huh."

Mel looked at me worriedly, "Monte, you want some more Italian sauce?"

Jenn giggled, "Like Masimo's Italian sauce?"

My stomach lurched at the thought, "No thank you Mel."

Hales grabbed the bowl, "Hell I'm eager as a beaver to try this! I want to see if your boyfriend is a better chef than me!"

"Boyfriend?" Yeva eyed me suspiciously.

Laura said, "FOR THE LAST TIME: HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

Everyone looked at her.

"I-I don't think they were asking you Laura..." Adam laughed nervously.

Bee looked quite content and very chipper, "Someone pass me the salt please..." She leaned into Yeva so only she could hear, but little did Bee know...everyone could, "This pasta sauce tastes so funny. I hope this isn't spiked with something."

"Hell I do," Yuri said shoveling another spoon full down ger throat. She looked like she needed a drink pretty bad.

Jackie jabbed her elbow into her rib, "If you are that concerned with the sauce, why don't you just test the whole damn thing!" She got up and grabbed the bowl of sauce and dumped the entire thing on Yuri's head.

Carl looked at all of us waiting for us to break out into a fight. He began to back out of his chair, "So, uh...are yall ok?"

Nick frowned and picked up his plate, "No, not really," and dumped it on Hales' head, "Now we are."

Marissa stood up very slowly, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Then it erupted.

Jackie, Yuri, Josh, and I ran out the dining room and locked the door.

Yuri looked at Jackie, "What was that for?!"

"Dinner just wouldn't be dinner if some food wasn't thrown," she smiled.

Josh and I ran into the hallway by the door. I squished some of the sauce out of my hair, "Oh God this is nasty."

He took my hand and began to rub the top of it, "I love your hands. They fit perfectly with mine."

I laughed, "How do you figure? Mine are a lot smaller."

His eyes were so full of...passion? Was that the word? He smiled sweetly, "My hands cover yours to protect them. They fit perfectly in them."

My smile stretched up the side of my face, "You are such a sap. You know that?"

He nodded, "But you like that."

"You know what? I didn't get my dessert!" I put my hands on my hips.

"We can still have it...in your room," his eyes began to wander towards the stairs.

We both just gazed at each other when...

KNOCK KNOCK!

Who in the hell just ruined my moment?!

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who in the hell is that?" Yuri asked walking towards me and Josh.

I shrugged and gave an evil eye to the door, "This better be good," I reached for the knob, "But I bet it's an asshole."

"I am in no mood for assholes," Jackie huffed, "Tell them to leave or I'll go all preggo ninja on their asses."

KNOCK KNOCK

"Hey Monte! Open the door!" I heard an all too familiar voice command from behind the double doors, "I know you all are there. I see the Carlo."

Jackie's eyes looked like saucers. She whispered the dreaded word, "Greg."

"Oh shit," I mouthed to my sister and her wife, "What in God's holy name are we going to do?!"

This was great. Greg was home...EARLY! What in the hell is wrong with this asshole?! One thing kept ringing in my mind: Masimo. Greg would kill him, not to mention be an asshole to Mel. And I would not stand for his shit. Now...what to do?

"What's wrong guys?" Josh questioned too loud.

"SHHHH!" Jackie put her finger to her mouth, "We need to come up with a plan to get Masimo out of here!"

Yuri's eyes were shut in deep thought, "I'm thinking..."

KNOCK KNOCK

"Monte! Come on, its starting to get cold out here!" the asshole whined. I wish it was cold enough for him to freeze out there.

I narrowed my eyes, "I hate it when he calls me Monte."

"Maybe if we don't answer he'll go away," Jackie whispered.

I snorted, "You can only hope for so much."

Josh pointed towards the locked dining room, "Should we tell them?"

My head was pounding and I agreed, "Hurry! Maybe one of them will have an idea of what to do."

After a brief and quick explanation of who was banging on the front door, everyone was downing wine or the sauce. I needed a drink right about now. Mel's face was blank and expressionless. She looked at Masimo who looked very confused, but at ease.

"I was planning on getting really sloppy when he came home!" Sarah whined, "There is no time to get shit-faced now!"

Jenn nodded in agreement running to the liquor cabnet, "We do not have enough liquor in this house to subdue me."

"Can we shoot him?" Brenna smiled angelicly.

Everyone stared at her.

Kim grinned immediatly and nodded, "Ohhh! Please can we this time?! He is on our property!"

Yuri began to get frusterated, "Guys! Be serious! We all know he will kill Masimo if he sees him here with Mel!'

"We can pretend hes our friend!" Hales chimed in.

"Or," Josh stepped forward, "There are about what? Eight guys here? I think yall are over drama-tizing this."

Jenn stepped forward, "Look, we are all paired up. Even if some," she looked at Chris and Will, "who are not with someone can be paired up with a girl. Thats how he'll think. Hes a damn Marine!"

Maryam and Nick had devilish looks on their faces. Nick cocked an eyebrow, "My room is great, its away from here, and we can tie Mas up to make sure he won't run!"

Mel punched Nick in the arm, "Hell no!"

Yeva looked around at all of us like we had lost our minds, "We can hide him in the house somewhere. I mean its huge!"

Jenn grabbed the red wine bottle and chugged, "Hide him in the guest house. Greg never goes out there."

Brenna and Kim took Masimo by each arm. Kim began to play with his shirt, "We can take you out there..."

Masimo put his hand up politely, "No thank you my dear putannas."

"Putanna, sounds like a flower..." Brenna swooned.

Will burst into laughter, "I took Italian in high school...that means 'whore.'"

Kim and Brenna began to walk to the door. Kim gave Masimo the evil eye, "I'll call him in! Don't push me!"

"Fine, I would like to talk to this Greg myself. Man to man," he held his head proudly.

We all looked at each other. "Yeah you're right Jenn the guest house is good," I said grabbing Masimo by the shoulder, "Lets go."

"Why thank you girls!" We all froze. It was Greg. Who in the hell? Shit...Liza and Lainey.

Lainey huffed, "Yeah whatever, we just didn't feel like hearing you whine anymore."

Liza walked into the dining room, "Hey guys, what are yo- OH SHIT!"

"Liza! Language!" I scolded.

She ran over to me, "What in the...heck, are yall doing?! Greg will eat him alive!"

Masimo shrank back at the word 'eat.' Poor guy is going to go back home thinking all Americans are cannibals.

Bee was eating the pasta still at her seat and she began to giggle. It was almost like an insane laugh. She had been so quiet I heardly knew she was there.

"What Bee?" Yuri asked making sure she hadn't lost her mind.

Bee continued to giggle like a creepy little child.

"What is it woman?!" Marissa said shaking her.

She looked up and smiled, "We eat him," and she pointed to the giant silver platter that Granny Farrara sent Yuri and Jackie when they got married.

We all turned to look at Masimo who was heading towards the door that lead to Greg. I guess hoping for a swiftful death.

Josh and the boys picked up the platter and layed it down on the table. Carl looked at Masimo, "Good luck man."

"Get on the damn platter!" Liza yelled pushing Masimo onto the table. He made a good attempt to run until Maryam and Nick were blocking his exit, and because of what Nick said earlier; I think Masimo would rather face death then to go to Nick's room.

Joe grabbed Mas' shirt and yanked him back onto the table, "Get in man! Be brave!"

"Hello? Are you all in the dining room?" Greg called from the hallway.

Jenn wiped her mouth and slurred, "No! We're not in the dining room!"

Sarah slapped her on the back of the head, "What the hell Jenn?!"

Zac covered her mouth only to pull it back quickly due to the insane about of drool running from her mouth.

Mel looked at Mas, "I'll take care of this like I promised you. Just stay put. It'll be ok."

He looked a little relieved, "Ok, my love."

"Whats going on in here? Melissa?" Greg looked at all of us with confusion.

Mel walked a little to fast to his side, "Nothing my dear. We were just finishing" she picked some pasta out of her hair, "dinner."

He looked the table, "What in the hell did you all have? Goat?"

Jenn hiccuped and slurred, "Hah! No! We had Italian Stallion!"

If looks could kill, Jenn would be burning in the ninth circle of Hell with all the deadly glances she was recieving.

"Stallion? Like a horse?" He still wasn't convinced. Damn him and his thousands of questions! Horse is a normal thing to eat...in Europe.

Hales stood up, "Yes. I cooked it tonight. You know its a delecasy!"

He eyed all of us with great suspicion, "Sure. Well Mel, show me what you've been up to these past five months?"

"Five?!" Kim said astonished, "I swear it was two! I guess time flies when you haven't missed someone."

He walked over and gave Kim and Brenna a noogie, "You know you and your evil twin missed me!"

Brenna narrowed her eyes, "Oh yes, about as much as the bubonic plague..."

Kim bit the side of his hand, "Bastard..." They both stormed out of the dining room whispering something about some shovels in the backyard.

"So Greg! What brings you back so early?" I asked with way too much enthusiasm in my voice. I probably sounded so fake. Josh heard my nervousness in my voice and walked to my side and grabbed my hand for support; that made me even more nervous.

He eyed Josh then turned his attention to me, "Well, I wanted to surprise Melissa here and talk to her about something important."

Yuri's arms were crossed with a distinct disgusted look on her face, "Like what?"

Greg huffed and rolled his eyes, "I don't think you are my commanding officer or my mother, so its none of your business."

"Oh hell no!" Jackie yelled. Her eyes were very vengful, and a bit hormonal. She was searching for something to throw, "Come on Greg! Bring it on motherfucker!"

Jenn's eyes lit up and saw an opportunity for a drunken brawl, "Yeah! Let's go Greg!" She grabbed the top of the platter from the table and launched it at Greg, "WHOOOO HOOOO!"

We all froze.

"Oh shit," Bee mumbled with a half of a pasta noodle hanging out of her mouth.

Greg's face was priceless; his eyes were wide and clouded with confusion, his lips made a straight line, and his body was almost facing the door to run. Mel's face was nearly the same, except she kept eyeing Greg to see if his expression was going to grow angry or just stay confused.

My eyes were wide and I looked at Nick. His face was the same. Then, it hit us and we both grinned.

"There you are!" Nick laughed playfully, "We need to play this hide and seek game more often!" he turned to all of us, "Sorry guys. Masimo is just not used to this game yet...but he will be," Nick giggled. I thought Mas was going to leap out the window.

I noticed that one of the boys was going to burst into laughter and give the whole thing away. Joe's eyes were looking everywhere else except at Masimo. Zac was at Jenn's side trying to pick her up and take her to her room. The two lesbian lovers were nearly on the floor, but Carl was right there keeping them in check.

Yeva and Sarah grabbed Masimo off the table, and Sarah scolded, "Nick, you really need to keep your toys in your room. He might have scared someone."

"I know guys I'm sorry," he grabbed Masimo by the arm and leaned in to where only Mas could hear. Masimo leaned his head in and it shot straight back up. His eyes were wide and pleading. There were a couple of words said in Italian. They probably were 'oh my God' or possibly it was his pleading words to Greg to kill him already.

"Mel, take Greg upstairs and get him settled," I looked at Nick with relief, "And I'll take care of Nicholas here."

Greg's face still remained the same while Mel lead him upstairs glancing back to signal that he was ok. Once he finally left the room and went upstairs with Mel we all sighed with relief.

"I know, I know," Nick waved his hand like he won a grammy, "I am amazing. I just saved your asses."

I ran and leaped onto Nick, "I love you twinnie! You are an evil genius!"

"No no no! WE are evil genius'!" He corrected me.

Zac picked up Jenn's drunken body and followed Sarah to her room. Sarah whispered and waved, "Well, we are heading to bed. Jenn's had a long night," She turned to Nick, "Good thinking Nick. Love yall, g'night."

Yuri felt her head, "I think this is enough excitement for one night. We'll see yall in the morning." She grabbed Jackie's hand and lead her to the south wing hallway.

Masimo's face was full of sadness, "She still loves him, yeah?"

"No Mas. It's hard to tell someone that you don't love them in that way anymore," I reassured him, almost convincing myself, "She just needs some time."

He gave me a hug, "I like you. You're not as looney as the rest," He paused and looked around almost seeming paranoid, "And you didn't want to eat me. Grazie."

"No, I like my meat a little bit bigger," I smiled, "But thanks for making me seem like the normal one; it's refreshing."

He nodded and walked out to his car with every pair of eyes watching him. He took one last glance up the stairs and he grinned. Mel was standing up there blowing him a kiss and mouthed 'Good night.'

I next walked Josh to the door, "So I guess this is goodnight. I'm sorry for the chaos...again."

He chuckled, "No. I enjoy you and your eccentric family. It reminds me of my own. So its rather nice to see it; it makes me feel more at home."

"Good. I figured you would be scared off by now," I laughed nervously. My nerves were always screwing with me. I always get so nauseated and want to vomit, and dinner was beginning to rise to my throat. Why so nervous though? He's just...a guy I was somewhat seeing. Not like a boyfriend or anything.

He squeezed my hand, "Its ok. I'm still here. I have no plans on leaving." He kissed my cheek and said good night.

I looked around and one by one everyone filed out of the dining room and either headed to their rooms or out to the cars. I began to pick up from dinner and grab the cleaning supplies. Bee was the only one that remained. Her face was very sad and depressed.

"Whats wrong Bee?" I asked sitting down beside her.

She sniffled, "I thought we would really eat Masimo. I wanted some dessert...with white cream."

Two weeks of chaos had strolled on by, and things were beginning to change. Old love died, new love began, Mel was binge eating while Greg was home, Bee was steadily seeing a guy, and the twins were dragging two innocents along for a ride down the "use 'em and leave 'em" train.

Also, Halloween was fast approaching, and Jackie was starting to show more and more. I kindly suggested a traditional lovely pumpkin costume to hide the buldge errupting from her stomach. There was a pause, a growl, and something smashing by Yuri's head when she agreed with me.

"Damn Jackie we were kidding!" Yuri crouched behind the dresser while avoiding being hit.

She snarled, "What are you going to be, huh?! A witch?! Or no better yet...a dog!"

My sides were beginning to hurt from laughter. I watched as another vase flew across the room, "I think she called you a bitch Yuri!"

Yuri dodged the vase and popped her head out, "You think?!"

"I'm glad you both find this hilarious!" she growled, "While you all are dressed up like normal girls, I'll be the fucking Great Pumpkin from Charlie motherfucking Brown!"

"But sweetheart, I think the pumpkin is beautiful!" Yuri motioned for me to help.

Jackie's arm went limp with the baseball bat and sniffled, "Yeah?"

I nodded, "Yeah! Orange will bring out your..." I looked to Yuri for help. She gave me a worried look and motioned quickly for me to continue, "It'll bring out...your beautiful motherly glow."

She smiled, "Come back in. I swear I will throw nothing!"

We both hesitated from fear of a trick, but her smile reassured us.

"You really don't have to be the pumpkin," I said, "I was just kidding."

Yuri nodded, "I was thinking maybe we do a Greek theme this year. You know, pick a god to represent us."

I contemplated on this for a moment and reluctantly agreed, "I love it Yuri. I think its a great idea. Family meeting tomorrow night about this. Maybe we can get more input and ideas."

"I was thinking," Yuri ran her fingers through her hair, "I want to tell the girls tomorrow. About Erin I mean."

"Erin?" I cocked my head.

Yuri grinned from ear to ear, "Thats her name. A-r-y-n."

"Aryn," I repeated more thoughtfully, "Beautiful."

Jackie sighed with aggrivation.

"What's wrong?" Yuri asked leaning back from fear of another hormonal rage.

"All this talk about pumpkins makes me want pumpkin pie," she said holding her stomach.

Yuri fell backwards onto the bed, "When will this end?"

"Oh don't worry..." I grinned wide, "only a few more long, grueling, hormonal months to go. But," I got up, "I have to run. Have fun my lovely little sister."

The last thing I saw before I left the room was Yuri's one finger salute.

Hales and Sarah were together alot more. In fact, I have noticed the two often sneeking out of their rooms to see each other. I just don't see why they are so secretive. I believe everyone knows.

Marissa and Yeva invested in '.' Their first dates were coming up and I couldn't wait to hear all the details and see how it all pans out.

Jenn and Zac were growing closer and closer. I'm starting to wonder if the deed has been done. Hes a slick guy. Very gentleman like and sweet as can be, but slick.

Maryam and Nick had an idea for a part time job. They were thinking about opening their own fantasy store full of things that will make even the most brave person blush. I figured this was a good investment for them considering they probably can sell a product like that by giving them advice from their own experience.

"I think we should put the handcuffs here," Maryam pointed at the middle west end wall.

Nick stroked his chin, "Thats good Mar. I think that maybe we should put the DVDs in that sectioned room in the back. You know, put some swing doors up or something. So we can control the kids under 18."

I rolled my eyes, "Nick I remember you when we were that age. Double doors would've been the last thing that would've stopped you from getting in there."

Bri nodded, "I think the whips should be on the left side of the handcuffs. More then likely when people are going to be looking at those," she motioned towards the bondage merchandise, "they will want these."

Liza and Lainey began poking around the store examining the things they did not recognize. Lainey squinted hard at the bondage wall, "What are these?" She held up a penis leesh.

"I think thats just a pet collar for like a little dog or cat," Liza shrugged, "I mean, why else is there a leash this small?"

Marrissa snatched it out of their hands, "This is not for you!"

"You two are too young," Hales added.

Marissa stretched her arm out over them to see if they could reach. This was just pure joy watching these two reach their short arms towards the leash that had many duplicates 2 feet from them.

The twins smacked the younger two with rubber dildos and they began to chase each other around the store.

This is life. And I could not trade them for anything...

WHACK

I narrowed my eyes and continued to slowly pace towards. I mumbled finishing up me last train of thought, "Even when there are days when I wanted to..."

I started to feel weird contemplating about my family and how much I cared for them in a sex store, so I told them I'd meet them at the house later on and scooted out of there as fast as I could before Nick could show me where the fake vaginas go.

The house was pretty empty when I pulled up; I didn't bother anyone who was there and headed straight upstairs.

I began to think about how my whole family was busy, and I was watching all of this unfold without Josh being by my side. I had heard from him once maybe twice since 'Operation: Save the Stallion' went down. He promised to be around more as soon as a project he was working on was closed, but I'm not just going to wait.

I'm pretty sure this whole...thing we have is nothing more than left-over summer romance. My head was warning me of him; insisting that he was a charmer and that I should not buy into his bull and that he'll be gone before I know it, but another part, the space where my heart is supposedly at, is saying that I should just be patient.

Its hard not to just give in completely. I mean, I guess its vulnerablity and the chance of a heart break. And I don't really want to feel that. After my loser of a high school "sweetheart," I just decided my family should come first and not some human being that has an extra set of sagging skin that I do not have.

Watching pregancy unfold was very hard aswell. I suppose not being able to have children, from not getting involved with anyone, has hindered me from filling that empty space of maternal desire. I guess thats why I treat all of my family as if they were my children, because I want to have one so badly.

Oh the exhaustion. Do I really want to put myself through that? I take care of enough here, do I really want a child that badly? Is this right? Oh...what if it had his blue eyes, and my dark hair or his cheeks? Maybe it would be easier since I have experience...

Wait...what am I saying? I want to have a child with this man? This man who HAS NOT CALLED ME IN TWO WEEKS AND ONE DAY? No, no, no. I have not known him nowhere near long enough...and besides, he does not seem to care for me in that way.

Yes. Not in that way.

I needed to get some sleep...maybe all of this will wash out of my head with some Tylenol PM.