Penname: WarriorKym
E-Mail: WarriorKym@Hotmail.com

     The inside of the tavern was warm and happy. The firelight shone on everyone, comforting and friendly. All eyes were trained on a young woman sitting on an empty table at the front of the main room. The fire backlighted her, illuminating her face and pulling out the red highlights in her blonde hair. She really needed no illumination, her face radiated with such excitement as she wove her tale, completely catching everyone in the room up in it.

     "She really enjoys this." Xena thought. She was sitting all the way at the back of the room against the wall facing the door. She watched Gabrielle and the door simultaneously. It had been awhile since they stayed in a town, and Gabrielle was making the most of it. " She deserves this break too." Xena thought. After the past month filled with long lost sons, Centaurs, Giants, Bacci, Joxer, and Gods know what else, they both needed a break. Plus the unresolved emotions between the two of them weren't helping relax either of the women.

     After she'd nearly lost Gabrielle in Thessaly, Xena had started to feel something. Something she couldn't quite explain. Usually when she didn't understand an emotion, she refereed to Gabrielle, The Queen of Emotions, but since these were about her, that kinda blew that outta the water. Xena knew she'd confused the Tartarus out of the bard lately. During their adventure with Solan, Gabrielle had been right there for her. Standing beside her and giving her a good kick in the rear when she needed it. Xena'd decided to tell Gabrielle what she was thinking, when the Fates had decided to play with her mind some more. After seeing that Gabrielle and returning to her own, she'd decided there was no way she was going to expose Gabrielle to darkness, her darkness, and take the risk of changing her. She'd avoided almost all touch, any intimate sharing, flirted off the wall with every guy they met, and had even started sleeping across the firepit from Gabrielle. Xena's reviewing came to an end because Gabrielle came back then and sat beside her, elated with the success of her stories.

     " Can I buy you a drink?" she joked tossing the well-earned dinars down on the table.

     " Wow, you made out well tonight." Xena commented as she mentally counted the money. " We should stay in town more often."

     " See, now you're joking, but I'm going to quote you on that the next time you complain about how I like taverns. Speaking of taverns, " She commented, " I believe there's a big soft bed waiting upstairs that is calling my name. Coming?" she asked as she stood up.

     " Nah, you go on. I'll catch up with you later." Xena said, staring at something behind Gabrielle.

     " But why would you-?" Gabrielle started, turning around to look at what had Xena's attentions. " Oh Xena! Not tonight!" She whined looking back from the well built man who was waving and blowing kisses at Xena.

     " I'm just going to teach him a lesson." Xena said sweetly.

     " Uh-huh. I know exactly what kind of lesson you're going to teach him. Come on Xena, just come up with me." Gabrielle pleaded.

     " Gabrielle, I'm not sure what you think I was going to do to him, but whatever it was, forget it." Xena admonished, but she stood up, showing Gabrielle she was going with her.

     Gabrielle smiled happily at this little victory and led the way upstairs wordlessly. As she stopped outside the door, Gabrielle fumbled for the key for a minute.

     " Wait, we're uh, sharing a room?" Xena asked worriedly.

     " Of course we're sharing a room, " Gabrielle said finding the key. " We always share a room." She continued, unlocking the door. " Ugh, I can't wait to get a nice bath."

     " Yeah, me too." Xena said not really paying attention.

     " Here, lemme help you off with that." Gabrielle offered, reaching for Xena's armor.

     " NO!" Xena said startled. " I mean, uh, No. Your bath's going to get cold. I can do this." she said, barely saving herself.

     Gabrielle forced a smile and headed for the separate bathroom. She watched Xena sigh and slump down with her head in her hands onto the bed. " What on earth is going on with her?" Gabrielle thought as she soaked in the tub. " Everything was going along so great, then suddenly, Poof! She's so distant. If only I knew what I've done. Or maybe..." Gabrielle sat upright in the bathtub, fear and sadness etched across her face. " Maybe she doesn't need me anymore! She's found her path and I'm just in the way. Maybe she's trying to find a good way to tell me she doesn't need me anymore! Or want me. Oh no..." Gabrielle fought the tears, but they flowed anyway, in great gushing sobs. " I still need...and want you Xena!" she whispered to herself. " but no. I won't do this. I won't make it hard for her to move on. I'll find something...something I can do so I can leave her and not give her the guilt. Some...one who still needs me..."

     It was a typical morning for Xena and Gabrielle. Breakfast, then fighting. Gabrielle was working hard and holding her own in the fight, while Xena seemed almost bored. Gabrielle had just finished knocking a particularly good opponent out, when her eyes caught hold of someone fighting alongside them who seemed familiar. With his help, the fight was over quickly. Both Xena and Gabrielle came over to thank him and Gabrielle suddenly realized who it was.

     "Perdicus!?" She called coming up to him.

     " Gabrielle?" he hugged her. " Hello Xena." he smiled to her after a minute. She nodded, trying to seem pleased with his appearance.

     " What are you doing here?" Gabrielle asked.

     " I was looking for you, heard you were around here."

     Gabrielle smiled and invited him back to their room. Something was wrong with him, she could tell. Eventually, after they'd packed up and were back on the road, he told her. Explained everything. How he couldn't take the killing anymore. All the fighting, how much he admired she never killed. Time passed and Gabrielle realized how much he'd changed, how much he...needed her. " I could fall in love with him so easily." She told herself. After realizing that, it didn't take much for her to say yes when he asked her to marry him.

     Time seemed to fly by, and before she knew it, she was standing with him at the altar. She'd hoped Xena would throw a jealous fit and demand she stay with her. Instead, she'd encouraged her, saying how happy it made her to see Gabrielle happy. Now she stood beside her, supporting her even as she left her. So many doubts flashed through Gabrielle's mind, but she shoved them aside, remembering how much Perdicus needed her, wanted her, how happy she was going to be with him. The next thing she knew she was married and saying good-bye to her best friend in the whole world.

     " You'll come visit right?" She pleaded.

     " I'll be knocking on your door so often, you'll be sick of me!" Xena answered her.

     " Never." was Gabrielle's simple response. She hugged Xena like she would never let her go and kissed her. " Where will you go?" she asked quietly.

     " Well, Hercules is still waiting for me." Xena said, trying to smile, then climbed onto Argo. " Who knows? Before long, it may be my wedding!" she said and whistled Argo forward.

     Gabrielle watched Xena ride away. " Away and out of my life... forever." She thought, her heart breaking. " No, not forever, " She told herself and turned to her new husband. " She'll visit, she promised..." Gabrielle thought, holding that thought like a thread of hope as they walked away.

     Xena sat staring onto the fire holding back tears. She was all alone. She'd never see Gabrielle again. She tried to tell herself she'd visit, she wasn't losing her, but somehow she knew she would never go back. That she couldn't take the sight of her Gabrielle without her, with someone else. " I'll be fine!" She told herself. " Just fine, after all, I was alone before she came, I can do it again."

     "Alone.." the word seemed to echo through her head and heart, releasing tears that just wouldn't stop. " And it's all my fault!" she sobbed. " My fault. I pushed her away, even though I knew! Pushed her to someone else...Oh Gabrielle!" she wailed softly, " What will I ever do without you?!" and fell asleep crying on her bedroll.

     Morning dawned bright and cheery. It almost seemed to mock the warrior as she routinely cleaned up camp. She felt nothing. Not the warm sun or the water she automatically washed her swollen eyes with, not even Argo nudging her, trying to comfort. All she knew was her sorrow, then...something else. Something was wrong, but what? " Gabrielle!" She said suddenly, her heart as frozen as though Hades himself had touched it. She sprang onto Argo, pushing her as fast as she could go. After what seemed like an eternity, she reached the meadow where instinct told her Gabrielle would be. Arrived just in time to watch Callisto run Perdicus through with her sword, hear Gabrielle's anguished cry, and watch him fall. She rode over, knowing she was too late. Gabrielle's pleading eyes looked up to her and she let Callisto go, checking Perdicus instead. It was too late. She couldn't meet Gabrielle's eyes, she stepped back and watched Callisto go...and Perdicus...

     She stood by Gabrielle until she could no longer take it, she mounted Argo and went after Callisto. Anger burned in her heart. "She didn't deserve this!!!" She screamed to no one as she rode. "It's my fault! She could have been happy!!! SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS!!!" she screamed.

     " It's my fault..." She whispered.

     Firelight shone on the two women's faces, but it couldn't linger. The sadness of their souls seemed to push it away. Earlier Gabrielle'd lit the funeral pyre of her husband while Xena stood there, always beside her. Holding her when the tears came and supporting her through the anger.

     " All my fault...all my fault." The phrase reverberated through Xena's mind, her whole body. " She'd be happy and Perdicus would be alive if it wasn't for me. If I was never born, she'd be so much better off. I can't leave her like this, I'll take her home and go to Hercules. Out of her life. I won't hurt her anymore." Xena decided sadly.

     " All my fault..all my fault." It was all Gabrielle could think. " Look at her. She's killing herself with guilt. If only I'd told her. We'd be happy and Perdicus would be alive. He didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be used by me to deny my feelings. Xena will try to leave me. I have to make her understand..." Gabrielle thought.

     Nothing was really said that night. They laid out the bedrolls and settled down out of habit. Xena put her arm over Gabrielle and held her hand, trying to be an unseen comfort, getting comfort out of it herself. Gabrielle relaxed against Xena, thankful for her understanding and they fell asleep and into drowning pools of guilt.

     End