MUSE An Original Screenplay by William James October 16, 2000 Disclaimers: Hm, what to disclaim? Well, Joxer, violence, and faux bad language. The rest we proclaim. Feedback, baby: do your worst. w.james at latrobe.edu.au FADE IN: INT. TAVERN -- DAY. GABRIELLE So, will you show me one? MAN No. GABRIELLE Not one? MAN No. GABRIELLE If you don't mind me asking, doesn't that defeat the purpose? MAN I draw to draw, not to show. GABRIELLE I, I don't think I could write if I wasn't writing to someone. Don't you miss that? MAN Perhaps. I have the impression now that I know who you are. You are Gabrielle of Potedeia. GABRIELLE Oh, sorry. They didn't say? Gabrielle glances back at a group of lunchers who raise mugs in salute. She nods. Her eye wanders to the main door. MAN You tell stories of the powerful and wise Xena, who, reformed, travels with the burden of a disgraceful past. GABRIELLE I guess I started that way. MAN The stories have changed? I haven't seen one in a while. GABRIELLE You've seen my scrolls? MAN Yes, I follow them avidly. GABRIELLE Oh. Well, they stopped altogether for a while, but there's some new ones. They're more... Well, anyway, I hope you like them. MAN I expect I will. I used to wonder of what you were afraid. GABRIELLE I'm sorry? MAN Your stories tended toward the emphatic: "I sing of Xena, proud and true, beset by demons internal and eternal...". Bespeaks a wish. GABRIELLE Mm, "bespeaks", that's good, I can use that. You know, too many ales on an empty stomach, I've forgotten your name. The man passes over a sandwich. MAN I apprenticed in one of Xena's armies. GABRIELLE Oh. Gabrielle looks him over but finds no warning signs. He sits still with his hands on the bar top. GABRIELLE Do these people know? MAN I'm not sure. They hear rumours, but I don't think they know what it means anymore. GABRIELLE I understand. MAN You do? GABRIELLE I better finish up here. MAN As you wish. GABRIELLE Will you... would you like to meet Xena? BARKEEP Here you go, Bobbie. The barkeep slaps down a mug. Gabrielle waits but nothing is forthcoming. GABRIELLE Goodbye then... Bobbie? MAN Don't bet on it. GABRIELLE If you have something to say... MAN No. GABRIELLE Look, you're obviously in pain, mabye I can help. MAN I never knew her, except as the woman who used to give the orders, and then she was gone and someone else gave the orders. Somewhere near the time you met her, I think. GABRIELLE Why did you even join? MAN Join? He smiles into his mug. MAN There was no-one left. I could have gone out on my own, but to where? I had no idea of anything beyond the hills that surrounded my valley. They tore me apart. I couldn't've told you my name after a month. GABRIELLE I'm sorry. XENA Gabrielle, there you are! GABRIELLE Xena, I... This is... Bobbie? XENA Hi. The man stares. XENA Cat got your tongue? GABRIELLE Xena, don't. XENA Something going on I should know about? Speak up, buddy. GABRIELLE He was a soldier. For you. Xena looks him over. He carries no weapons. XENA I don't recognise you. Perhaps he was telling you a story? The man drops his head, smiling a little. He turns back to the bar. Xena gestures -- "See" -- and turns. Gabrielle and Xena leave the bar. Xena glances over her shoulder before they take a seat at a table. Xena puts her back to the wall. TABLE. GABRIELLE He told me... XENA What? GABRIELLE Horrible things. XENA Why did you listen? GABRIELLE He's an artist, we were talking, and it just came out. XENA An "artist", that's a first. GABRIELLE No, it's not like that. They asked for a story and then they told me about the great man who chose to live and work in their village, so I... Something's not right, Xena. XENA I'll grant you, he's no farmer, but now he's gone... Gabrielle twists and sees that indeed the man has left the bar. XENA ...so, let's eat. What did you find out about the local warlord? GABRIELLE It's nothing. He's just some old guy who drinks too much and threatens to raise an army. He's been doing it since last year. XENA Nice enough place, anyway -- Argo likes the stable -- I guess we could stay a while. Make sure nothing happens. GABRIELLE Is that such a good idea? XENA What, that man? If every man who said he was in my army was even anywhere near my army... Besides, it's been years. Joxer clanks into view. JOXER Hi guys! Xena and Gabrielle just look at him. JOXER Oh, right, the supplies. Joxer hauls out a bag and plonks it in the middle of the table in a cloud of flour dust. JOXER Just the one! And it's the brand you like, Gabby... I, uh, well... XENA Any dinars left? JOXER No, I was just going to... See, well, I... Joxer takes a small box from behind his armour. With a big grin he passes it to Xena. Xena unwraps the box. It contains a small cube with an eye painted on one side. XENA That's great, Joxer. I'll treasure it. JOXER No, see, it's... He picks it up. JOXER You go, "Look at that"... He fumbles with the box, bringing the eye side up to his face. JOXER And... Pressing the top of the box, he makes a small jet of water shoot out, arcing onto his vest. JOXER He he, he he. And, see, it's... He turns the cube and points it at Xena. She gives him the look. JOXER Right. He drops the cube into her hand and turns on his heel. He clanks off to the bar. Xena smiles at his back. XENA I never quite figured out how these things work. GABRIELLE You could open it. XENA No, there's something about the mechanism, it comes apart and you can never put it back together. The thing that always puzzled me was why no-one saw it coming. She points it at Gabrielle, who winces. GABRIELLE Mabye you have to know about the world first. Know when not to believe. XENA Mabye. What's to eat? GABRIELLE The barkeep said steer clear of the soup. Xena makes a face. XENA Steaks all round! TABLE -- LATER. JOXER You know, Sheena, I think you're great. And you too, Garry. You're the best. He sits down where there is no chair. JOXER Nice gams. His helmet, seen above the edge of the table, slips away. He crashes to the floor. GABRIELLE We shouldn't let him drink so much. XENA Yeah, tommorrow'll be pretty bad. GABRIELLE No, I mean, he could hurt himself. Xena shrugs. XENA His choice. So, where're we staying? GABRIELLE There's some rooms, but the stable'ld be better. Xena makes a face. XENA Right, stable it is. I can check on Argo. GABRIELLE I thought you said she liked it here. XENA Yeah, but, y'know. GABRIELLE Yeah, I know. A woman and her pony. XENA Don't let Argo hear you call her a pony. GABRIELLE You want to get his feet? XENA No. GABRIELLE We can't just leave him there. Xena steps over Joxer and goes to the bar leaving Gabrielle nonplussed. Xena haggles with the barkeep, pointing at Joxer and then upstairs. An agreement is reached and she hands over some dinars. She returns. XENA All fixed. We'll have the place to ourselves. GABRIELLE I don't think so. Xena sighs. She turns around and trudges back to the bar. She makes a last plaintive look over her shoulder. Gabrielle stands firm. Xena turns back to the barkeep, who crosses his arms and shakes his head. Xena grabs him by the shirt and though he resists she pulls him slowly forward over the bar. His feet dangle. Xena mutters something into his ear. He goes pale. The barkeep lifts a hand and drops the coins into Xena's waiting palm. Xena lets him go. He lands with a jolt and slips down behind the bar in a dead faint. Xena walks back. She throws her hands down and grabs Joxer's shirtfront. XENA Okay bozo, lets go. Wakey wakey. JOXER I never touched 'em, Mother. Ma? INT. STABLE -- NIGHT. Joxer snores. Xena and Gabrielle lie together on a pallet of hay. XENA This "artist", he have a name? GABRIELLE Wah? XENA Nothing. Go back to sleep. EXT. EDGE OF TOWN -- DAWN. On this side of town the land falls away quickly into a deep, green valley and further away is the sea and the rising sun. The "artist" sits sprawled in a low chair with wide armrests. GABRIELLE Nice view. The man looks around, fixing Gabrielle with a steady eye. MAN I would have thought you would have done for old Metricles by now. GABRIELLE The "warlord"? No, I think Xena just wants to take a break for a while. MAN You're not leaving? GABRIELLE No. Do you want us to go? The man turns back to the sunrise. GABRIELLE Uh, could you tell me where the market is? I kind of got lost. MAN There's a place to meet, but no-one will be there yet. It's too early. GABRIELLE Really? Darn. Gabrielle perches on a rock. MAN I thought you were the legendary late sleeper. GABRIELLE Ah, well yeah. But I lost a bet. Two weeks kitchen patrol. I forget sometimes, that people actually read my stuff. You knowing that, it's a little strange. MAN I followed the stories closely. They were the talk of Rome for a while. GABRIELLE You're Roman? MAN No. I worked there for a while. A guy I worked with showed me a copy once and after that I kept watch for as many as I could. GABRIELLE Thanks. Oh, but-- MAN You began the stories when you first met Xena. GABRIELLE That was what I knew. MAN Did you ever find out why she changed? GABRIELLE I don't think she really changed. It was more that she realised-- MAN She didn't tell you? GABRIELLE No. Uh, why do you want to know so much? You could ask her yourself. Gabrielle watches him unwind his hand from the end of the chair arm. GABRIELLE Were you out here all night? The man flexes his hand and straightens in his chair. GABRIELLE Look, you're not like the others, I can see that. The people Xena used to know are usually in prison or they've moved far away. Or they're dead. But I can see that you're in pain. It might do you good to see her, if what you say is true. She might surprise you. MAN She might. I don't need surprises right now. GABRIELLE You think you want to fight her? You're a good man, Bobbie. That is your real name, right? MAN What does a good man do in a bad situation? GABRIELLE You'll do the right thing. MAN I think I agree. JOXER Hey, Gabby -- Hiya, big guy -- Xena says to come quick. GABRIELLE What is it? JOXER Hidunno. Gabrielle takes off at a dead run. Joxer grins at the man, producing a two thumbs up gesture and a dopey giggle, then holds his head and stumps off after Gabrielle. EXT. STABLES. Xena is bent over a water drum, hiding her face. Gabrielle charges in. GABRIELLE Xena, what is it? Gabrielle skids to a halt reaching out for Xena. Xena whirls around. Hissing she throws her hands back from her face revealing celery sticks in her mouth as fangs. XENA I'm a Bachae, Gabrielle! You cannot resist me! Gabrielle waves her finger at Xena. Joxer sniggers. GABRIELLE And you, you big doofus. She swings at Joxer, and misses. GABRIELLE I was really worried there, Xena. XENA In this place? C'mon, Gabrielle. Let's see a smile. Xena moves on Gabrielle, waving the celery sticks as daggers. EXT. ACROSS THE WAY. Gabrielle squeals in the distance. ArtBoy turns unseen and leaves. EXT. MARKET -- DAY. Gabrielle browses stalls. Xena watches a bird wheel in the sky. Joxer gamboles back and forth. XENA Hey, Gabrielle. Back in a minute. Xena veers off and makes for a table full of weapons. STALL OWNER Miss? The stall owner reaches out and places a hand on Gabrielle's arm. STALL OWNER That story you told yesterday was just wonderful. To be so much in love... The woman sighs deeply. GABRIELLE Well, okay, thankyou. STALL OWNER Will you be staying in town long, we have a wonderful arts community here, I'm sure you'd love it? Gabrielle looks over at Xena, who is in deep, disgusted conversation with the weapons stall owner -- she pushes aside his offering to go searching through the piles of weapons. GABRIELLE I guess we'll be moving on in a day or two. We're really just taking a break, but they never last too long. STALL OWNER That's such a shame. We have a painter here who is said to have prepared a masterpiece for Caesar himself. It is said to be so beautiful as to make grown men cry. Oh look, here he is now. The "artist" walks into the square. MAN Is this Xena I see? Xena continues to rummage through the weapon stacks. MAN Killer? People begin to filter away. MAN Hero? Xena turns at that remark. MAN She never came through here. You're lucky. Back then there would be nothing left now. Women. Children. Men. Gone. Taken. Xena does not like the looks she is getting from the people, even as they move away. MAN They used to send someone in, asking for shelter. Giving everyone a chance. Xena steps out into the square. There are some gasps in the crowd. Xena turns her back. The man starts walking. MAN But what happened then? How many people have you killed? How... Suddenly Xena and the man are face to face. XENA You know, friend, you must be very unhappy. He manages to be impassive. Gabrielle skips up. MAN You know, I think I am. That's just the way these things seem to work out. XENA So I'll allow you this... display. GABRIELLE Xena. XENA And since I don't know you, or what happened to you, you may not believe it, but I'm sorry. MAN And I'm sorry too. The man takes a step back and raises his hand, and like a card trick there is a dagger there. Xena's hand goes to her chakram. The man flips the dagger up. It makes a high, lazy arc, well over Xena's head, spinning down toward... JOXER Gulp. MAN Schiavo. I am. Gabrielle pulls her sais. Xena flips backward sending her chakram out. It zips up in front of Joxer's face, deflecting the dagger and continues on to clang against a pot and begin it's return journey. Returning, it meets a second dagger thrown hard that sends it whanging away, tumbling in the air. It bangs into a wall and sticks there. Xena turns back drawing her sword, but the man is gone. EXT. MARKET. Xena tugs on the chakram. XENA Dammit. GABRIELLE How could he do that? XENA It's not friggen magic. The chakram pops from the wall. Xena stumbles. XENA It's just never happened before. JOXER I... XENA Don't say it! Xena mumbles to herself -- the word "liability" can be heard. JOXER I'm sorry. GABRIELLE It's not your fault, Joxer. XENA No, it's not. I'm sorry, Joxer. JOXER Who was that guy? XENA The name's not familiar, but I'm kinda out of touch with the whole scene these days. What does he want? GABRIELLE Why are you looking at me? XENA He's your "friend", isn't he? GABRIELLE I barely know him. I just know that he's hurting. He said it has something to do with you. XENA Oh, he's going to be hurting. GABRIELLE Wait, Xena. He hasn't actually done anything. XENA Except call me a murderer, a child killer. GABRIELLE Well... XENA I never killed children. GABRIELLE He said he was taken in by your army but it was right about the time you quit. Xena watches Gabrielle. GABRIELLE I'm sorry, Xena. Just like old times, huh? You've changed, I know that. XENA Everybody's sorry. I suppose I should be too. But this guy's trouble. We better find out who he really is. INT. ROOM. Xena looks through shelves in the nearly unfurnished room. It has a bed, some shelves, and Gabrielle standing with a fat man by the door. XENA Some artist, there's nothing here. FATMAN He keeps all his stuff somewhere else, no-one knows where. GABRIELLE So why does everyone call him a great artist? FATMAN Mostly because of the Rome mural thing. XENA So basically he's just a guy who rents a room from you. FATMAN Well... yeah. XENA And he pays on time, everytime? FATMAN Yeah. XENA And never goes out? FATMAN To the tavern sometimes. XENA Great. INT. TAVERN. Xena leans on the bar waiting on an answer. The barkeep shrugs. Xena and Gabrielle step away. XENA Well, what now? GABRIELLE Why do you want this guy, really? XENA Mabye I want to help. GABRIELLE That's good, Xena. EXT. FOREST. The man runs, heedless. He plunges through brush and over felled trees, making a long, straight line. INT. TAVERN -- NIGHT. Joxer and a very drunk old man sit at the bar. DRUNK And then I ripped his arms right off. JOXER Oh yeah? DRUNK Blood? There was a river of the stuff. JOXER Yeah. Blood! TABLE Xena scratches the top of her head. XENA I guess he's not going to show. Gabrielle nods. They both watch the drunk man blow in Joxer's ear. GABRIELLE Joxer has the warlord problem under control. XENA Yeah, he brings out the best in people. GABRIELLE Xena, I'm worried. I think he might... hurt himself. XENA Get his heart broken? GABRIELLE You know what I mean? XENA Yeah, sorry. She pauses. XENA Mabye a man makes his own fate. GABRIELLE That's not fair, Xena. XENA No, I guess not. Well, he hasn't done anything, hasn't hurt anyone, 'cept me... GABRIELLE And you can live with it. XENA And I can live with it. As far as we know, there's no-one to warn or speak to, and no-one can find him in town, so let's get some sleep. We can start tracking him tommorrow. GABRIELLE Thankyou, Xena. XENA Makes a change from "sorry", anyway. INT. STABLE -- NIGHT. Xena snores lightly. Gabrielle stares up at the roof. Carefully, Gabrielle slips out from under Xena's arm. INT. STABLE. Gabrielle shrugs into her coat and goes to the door of the barn. She pushes, but it does not budge. She pushes again, harder. JOXER (O.S.) Hey! Which fades away into grumbles. GABRIELLE Get away from the door, you idiot! Xena rolls over, but continues to snore. Experimentally, Gabrielle pushes the door, which moves enough to let her out. EXT. STABLE. Gabrielle stands with one hand on her hip and the other arm extended, pointing into the stable. Joxer, shamefaced, his shirt on inside out, creaks and clanks inside (though he is wearing no armour). Gabrielle closes the door and makes off into the night. EXT. EDGE OF TOWN. Gabrielle huddles in her coat. The chair is empty. She sits down on a rock to think. EXT. EDGE OF TOWN -- DAWN. Gabrielle wakes, sore from the cold. By her hand is a scroll of smooth paper. She takes it, looking from it to the man. He sits in the chair, his back to her, resting his head on a hand. The sun rises ahead of him. Opening the scroll Gabrielle finds a light sketch of herself -- head and shoulders. Gabrielle is very taken with it. She touches it and it smudges. GABRIELLE Oh! The man looks around. MAN Made to fade, sister. GABRIELLE What? MAN It's charcol. It'll rub off if you touch it. The paper's not any good either. It'll go yellow in the sun. I haven't done one of them in years. GABRIELLE Will you come back with me? You must be cold. EXT. STABLE. Xena steps through the barn door, puzzled. EXT. EDGE OF TOWN. GABRIELLE Xena would like to help. MAN What do you think of that? GABRIELLE I think it's a chance you can give yourself. MAN You make a good case, Gabrielle. Is it your case? GABRIELLE What do you mean? MAN How did you come by these ideas? GABRIELLE I just, I just want to help. MAN But you travel with Xena? How is it that you help? GABRIELLE It's too early for riddles and I'm too cold. If you'd like, we can have something to eat. I'm going to the tavern. MAN Such authority. Xena must be proud. GABRIELLE Was that some kind of insult? Xena's not what you think... MAN And what do I think? GABRIELLE You called her a murderer. MAN But she's changed? You see the problem, don't you? GABRIELLE I... I love Xena. I've had enough of trying to pick her apart. If you want to be her enemy, you have to be mine, too. Gabrielle turns. MAN You said your stories had changed? GABRIELLE Mabye you dissect too much, Bobbie. Without seeing the obvious. MAN If the method works, it leaves a clear space for the obvious to reach out. What have I missed? GABRIELLE You blame her for your pain, don't you? She waits for an answer but none appears. GABRIELLE But you haven't talked about that yet. MAN Is it not there always? Always below the surface? GABRIELLE Why do you smile when you say that? He gives no answer. GABRIELLE Thankyou for the drawing, it's lovely. She turns and leaves. EXT. MARKET -- DAY. Xena stands amid the gathering, wary throng, tapping her foot. She sees Gabrielle walk into the square. XENA Where have you been? GABRIELLE Good morning to you, too. XENA Well? GABRIELLE He's back. He has a spot out on the edge of town. XENA How nice. A dagger zips through the air. Xena grabs it just before her nose. The man, on the edge of the square, is impressed. He calls out. MAN I read that, that you could do that. I'm impressed. The people, warned, mutter among themselves. A little grumpy, they move away, again. The man hefts another dagger. Xena points a finger. XENA Don't. MAN Or? She walks toward him flipping the dagger in her hand. XENA Or you'll run out, and then what'll you throw? MAN Harsh words? That's close enough. Xena stops, making a show of it. XENA Alright. So now you tell me what this is about. MAN Is that what I do? XENA I'm waiting. MAN Yes, I see that you are. I commend you on your... restraint. XENA You want me here, I'm here. Speak. MAN No. Xena shrugs elaborately. XENA Fine. She turns to go. MAN You've had enough, I suppose, of people bringing up the past? Xena chooses not to answer. MAN But... I was just speaking to Gabrielle... XENA Yes? MAN Not all of us died. XENA Us? MAN Yeah, you know, the one's who have to remember. XENA I'm sorry. MAN Apology accepted. The two watch each other. Gabrielle appears. She looks from one to the other. GABRIELLE How we doing? MAN Wouldn't it be nice to have a space for the last word? Xena quirks a smile. The man lashes out, striking Gabrielle squarely in the mouth. On instinct Xena throws her shoulder forward slamming into the man's body, throwing him backward. Gabrielle sits forcibly down. The man rolls away to his feet. Xena, putting her hand to her chakram, draws her sword over her shoulder. The man stands his ground. Xena, snarling, advances. The man bows his head. Xena draws her sword back to strike. GABRIELLE Xena! Xena stops. After a moment the man lifts his head. He smiles. MAN Killer. Yelling her disgust, Xena hops from one foot to the other, launching a high roundhouse kick. The man slips underneath the blow and sweeps her foot out from under her. She falls. The man, on his hands and knees, scrambles away. Hidden, a dagger slips into his hands. Xena is very annoyed. She unhooks her chakram. GABRIELLE Don't Xena! He's making you fight. He's... Xena has a moment of revelation. XENA No, he... GABRIELLE I'm so tired of being the excuse. Xena holsters the chakram. She begins to walk toward the man, picking up and shouldering her sword along the way. XENA He wants me to kill him. MAN Is that it? I wondered. Deliberately Xena walks closer. MAN If you think you can. Two fingers against his neck she raises her other hand to strike. She presses the first two fingers and he begins to feel pain. He twists suddenly and the second strike misses it's mark. Xena finds herself shouldered backward. XENA What's the matter, afraid? MAN What's the matter? Xena lunges backward but the man's dagger, whipped up, scores her cheek. MAN Afraid? Xena spins, turning her back on the man only to spin back throwing out her fist, striking him across the throat and pushing him down. In a flurry of movement she strikes out jamming her fingers into the side of his chest. The man finds himself on the ground unable to move his arms. MAN Oh, of course! Of course! XENA Shut up. EXT. MARKET. The man sits on a hay bale, his hands folded useless in his lap. His feet are tied. Gabrielle watches him. He has lost his vitality. GABRIELLE Can he stay like that for long? XENA No. SHERRIF We'll take it from here. GABRIELLE What has he done, really, Xena? XENA Disturbed my peace. Xena looks at the sherrif, and he -- an ostentatiously armoured man -- waits out the scrutiny, oppressed. Xena preempts him. She strides over to the man. XENA I want your word. MAN That's nice. GABRIELLE Xena, just let him up. XENA You've got Gabrielle to thank for this. Don't let her down. MAN Or what? XENA Or you'll have me to deal with. MAN Again? Learn the lesson, Xena. XENA And what lesson is that, exactly? Xena strikes out at the man releasing the pinch on his arms. MAN I don't know, the usual. GABRIELLE Mabye you could tell the story, in drawing. This gains her a curious look from Xena. GABRIELLE You don't have to fight. MAN I'd like to go home. GABRIELLE Where is that? MAN It's where I was born. XENA Fine. We're finished here: you're on notice. She waves the sherrif in. INT. STABLE. Xena packs saddle bags. GABRIELLE Did he leave? JOXER Yeah. Sherrif took him to the edge of town and vamoosed him good. Gabrielle considers the scroll without opening it. XENA Win some, lose some. GABRIELLE What did we lose? XENA Don't you start. GABRIELLE Okay. JOXER Metricles says hi, by the way. Warlord to warlord, you know. XENA Yeah? Common courtesy is a lost art. JOXER Yeah, like when... XENA Relax, Joxer. JOXER I was only... Xena gives him the evil eye. XENA C'mon, lets blow this dump. The people here are getting a bit much. Xena watches Gabrielle, waiting for her. Xena walks over to her. The two touch. XENA Loose ends. Xena shrugs. XENA I can't tie them all. GABRIELLE I know. I know. XENA I wouldn't mind dropping him on his ass, though. That I could live with. GABRIELLE I guess you'll get your chance. Xena looks puzzled. GABRIELLE Well, they never leave us alone, do they? He'll be back, just like all the others. JOXER He said he was going home. GABRIELLE He also said he doesn't have a home anymore. And we just drove him out of here. XENA So we find him. GABRIELLE And do what? XENA Whatever. Whatever needs doing. JOXER It's the way of the warrior. They both look at him. He takes off his helmet and waves it beside his head. JOXER Huh cha chaah. FADE TO BLACK: --THE END--