~ I'd Gladly Make My Self The Fool? ~
by Wizzy

This is a true story; no disclaimer is needed here?well this opening statement is as close as you'll get!

Send all comments to: Wizzy44tc@yahoo.com

There is a signature message at the end of all of my emails. It came to me one day after a train ride to work. But before I explain the message I should most likely give a little background as to how this all came about. By the time I am done you will know the reason for the message. Yes this is a VERY TRUE story; it still goes on yet today as I have never found the ending for the message. This is not graphic or sexual any anyway, no swearing or potty mouth as my mom would call it. Just emotions of what one tiny little smile can do for a person!

I had worked for Podda Paint for over two years; I worked hard to get the training I needed to move up within the company. Someone took notice of that hard work (Thanks Kelly) and decided to move me up. I got an offer I could not refuse, if I knew then what I know today I would not have taken it. It meant not only moving to a different store, taking 3 busses to get there, but most of all leaving behind the one who can finish a sentence where I leave off without a second thought, my best friend Tammysueee. We had worked together for over 5 years by this time (If I could turn back time!).

Sorry if I am gettin' side tracked here, but she is one of the most important people in my life! Anywhoo, I took the transfer to the other store. I worked in this store for about two months when I noticed the promises that were made were not being kept. Did I mention the long bus ride I had? Well not one to sit around and wait I called up the Human Resources guy and asked why I was not receiving the training I was promised. I went to this store without a pay raise (and a longer bus ride to get there) with only a verbal promise of management training. Long story short it never happened.

Instead I was getting written up for things I felt were less then petty, which in the long run so did HR. Without going into too much detail I was again transferred to another store. Come to find out the manager of that store was a homophobic jerk off (Can I say that here?) and did not like me for that reason, so I was shipped to this new store. Anywhooo, I now had a train ride (WHOOOOO!!) instead of 3 buses to get to work! Gone was the depression and loathing my job replaced with the ecstatic thought of nothing more then a train ride to work. And once again I loved my job!

My first day going to work on the train I watched as people got on at the next stop. When I noticed a tiny blonde get on and walked by me to the seats a few rows down, my leg began tapping out a beat only it could hear, yes, ok so I fidget. Be thankful it wasn't my Zippo lighter flippin' open and snapping shut over and over again! Anywhoo, where was I? Ah yes.

Now she wasn't rock dead gorgeous, but she was still a looker, dressed in nice white silk top buttoned up just enough to leave my imagination wandering, navy colored slacks with black shoes and a matching purse. Her long blonde hair done up in a ponytail and a light trace of make up. I smiled from behind my ever present mirrored sunglasses. I realized the smile I had given her went unnoticed. She sat down and I could not help but remember something my Gramma has always said to me,"People will notice your frown quicker then your smile." I find this is so true and then in the next breath she would tell me what a beautiful smile I had. My Gramma is older now and won't be with me too much longer, but if there is one thing I can say I learned from her it is to make people smile. No matter the cost to me.

I sat watching her from behind my tinted sunglasses. Her pretty face held a sad frown. Not once did she look up at the others who came and went from the train. Just sat looking at her hands holding her purse playing with the tiny zipper, maybe it was her security blanket? Maybe lost in deep thought? Maybe she had lost a loved one? I sat playing the guessing game of why she did not notice the world spinning rapidly by her. Well it was my turn to leave the train I glanced one more time in her direction as I stepped off; she still wore that heartbreaking look on her face.

I thought of her all day long while slinging buckets of paint. In my mind's eye I could see the pretty face that held such a frown. I became determined to see her smile just once. I prayed to the Goddesses above to get a chance to see her again.

The next morning I rushed to get ready for work. I wanted to be sure and make the same train and at the same time I had the day before. I got on and waited with a pent up frustration of how could I get her to smile?

Now most of you who know me know I have a rule to my personal space. Kind of like the bumper sticker you see on the back of a fire truck? STAY BACK 3 FEET, (ok so on a fire truck it's more like 300 feet but that works for me as well) but it's my motto and I'm sticking to it! I don't like to be touched, bumped, poked, prodded, or jostled by anyone. Don't touch me unless I deem it to be ok, which rarely happens. Now riding on a train with people to work is another story, most of the time I can pull it off by growling or snarling with my front canines exposed to the cretin who decides to try and sit next to me.

I waited for the next stop holding my breath; would she be on this train? Would she smile this time? Would I make my Gramma proud of me and give someone a little kindness that she had taught me back to another who seemed to so desperately need it?

The train slowly pulled into the stop and I watched as we went by the few people who waited for the Max train to stop. My knee once again bouncing out a tune only it knew. Anyone seen my Zippo? There she was waiting for the first car! It was my lucky day I was sure of it as she had picked the same car as yesterday! But would I be lucky enough to have her walk by me again today? The doors opened and the guy who announces each stop rattled on about the doors opening, which stop we were at and then again in Spanish (which I can quote word for word if you would like? Tammy?) Oh sorry, where was I? Ah yes, the doors opened and she walked in right by me. I looked up at her as she passed by, I met her eyes with mine and smiled, NOTHING not even a hint of one was returned!

I noticed the tired look in her pale blue eyes. Maybe she just doesn't get enough sleep? Maybe she has kids and they keep her up at night?
Today she had the ever present ponytail and a hint of make up. Her outfit was made up of a pair of black slacks this time with a light pale blue silk blouse. She clutched her purse as if she was carrying some kind of precious cargo. She had on glasses today, those new ones you see everyone wearing; the tiny little frames looked almost sexy on her, except for that frown. I caught a whiff of her perfume; it reminded me of the stuff called Exclamation, soft yet hauntingly sexy essence. It drives me just as nuts as the perfume called Rare Gold. So there we were again, her sitting about ten seats from me frowning, looking at the black purse clutched in her tiny hands. I look down at my own hands thinking I looked like a HUGEASS Amazon next to her!

It was my stop and as I got off I purposely walked by her and smiled one more time, I had nothing to loose at this point. Again there was no smile returned, she never even looked up at me this time. Just fingering the zipper on her purse lost in deep thought. I went to work feeling a little rejected.

This went on for about a month. Every day we would meet each other's look, but she would never smile. Every day it became harder and harder not to sit on her and poke her in the ribs till she smiled.

Then one morning, after about two months of this, I happened to catch a train where the seats were limited, one too many of those freaking baby strollers on board the train I guess. (Ya know the girls next door are going to beat me for saying that, as they have a 3 seated limo for those awfully cute triplets. An attempt to suck up there). Anywhoo... I waited for the next stop where the tiny blonde had gotten on every day. There she was, she waited for the first car's door to open and again in the background was the ever annoying drone of a guy yammering about the doors opening and closing in English and again in Spanish. (Don't ask me to quote it by spelling it out here?but I can say it in person!).

She could not get her normal seat ten away from mine as most of the seats had been taken. She was definitely a creature of habit. She walked towards me the frown now more a part of her wardrobe then the clothes she picked out so carefully each morning. I held my breath as she sat next to me in the tiny jumper seat. Our knees touched and I think I about fainted. The 3 foot rule went to hell in a hand basket the very second she sat down! She just looked at me and then back to her zipper on her purse. Well I just waited and waited until there was only one more stop before I would have to exit and give up the lovely sight before me. I moved a bit in my seat and in the process "accidentally bumped" her knees again with mine, she looked up at me. I lowered my sunglasses, crossed my eyes, and smiled. Now don't ask me what she wore that day as I don't recall, because the heavenly smile I got took all memories from me the second I saw the perfect white teeth. SHE HAD SMILED BACK AT ME! This time it was she who stepped off the train one stop before mine, not her usual stop but none the same she had smiled back at me! It made her face look so bright and cheerful. The blue eyes sparkled in the morning sunlight it was like there was someone tucked deep inside the tiny body waiting for the right person to bring out the best smile she had. She stopped at the doors and turned one more time and smiled again. That's when it hit me???

I'd gladly make myself the fool if for nothing else than to see your beautiful smile!

A week or so later I got terribly sick and had to have some minor surgery done (anyone who writes to me an tells me a blood clot or having a rib removed is not minor I will sign them up for "free emails" and you know the kind I LOVE to send too! You know who you are!). I never forgot that day or that smile I had struggled so hard to win from the tiny blonde. It had been over 4 months I had been off of work and I have just returned to light duty 2 weeks ago and I still look for her everyday. I got an email reply from a famous Bard last night saying how much she liked that line! I told her someday it would be turned into a story, well while at work today that line kept coming back to beat me severely about the head just as her smile haunted my vision. Try mixing paint with that tumbling around in your head!

So I sat down tonight and let these words flow from my cluttered mind. I guess you can say my muse (as I have joked the whole time I have been off work, 'had run off with a cross dresser' which is cool but she had better gotten some pictures for my collection!), came back to me in full force tonight. So I have a few people to thank for this, S.A.G. (the famous Bard, I recommend reading her works! they are powerful! Email me an Ill tell ya who this is!) for getting my muse to speak her mind. Now ifin she will only show us those pictures from her vacation!

The tiny blonde, to this day I have no clue as to what her name is, but that smile will haunt me for a lifetime! Yes Anne I will look for that smile endlessly!
Tammysueeeee my hero beyond words! You are the better half of this sparkly spackled paint Duo!

And to the one who taught me how important a smile truly is, my Gramma, for without her I would not be who I am today! I LOVE YOU GRAMMA! For the smiles you have brought me throughout the good times and even the bad times!

I say I have no ending for this mindless rambling, because I don't, I have never met this woman, other then to see her everyday on the train to work. I don't know her name or ifin I shall ever see that beautiful smile again. But you can bet ifin you get on my train and you don't smile, I will go out of my way to coax one from you. Including but not limited to standing on my head and singing itsy bitsy spider if that's what it takes! Because????

I'd gladly make myself the fool if for nothing else than to see your beautiful smile!


Copyright 2003 by Wizzy. All Rights Reserved.

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