Xena stood by the precipice of the cliff, staring over the edge, yet not seeing.

Realizing but not believing.

She slowly sank to her knees. A soft breeze stirred and caressed her hair, as though to offer comfort.

The ground was rough, and somewhere in the distance, a bird sang sweetly. The sun was setting, bathing the evening sky with brilliant whispers of red-gold and the land in a gentle warmth.

But she did not feel the rough edges of the stones cutting her knees, nor did she feel the warm light on her shoulders. She did not hear the song of the birds or the wind whistling in her ears.

For one wretched, blessed moment, she felt nothing.

Then it hit her hard and her world crumbled at her feet.

All at once, she began to feel again.

And it made her long for the numb emptiness of before. She shuddered and took a deep breath.

Everything in her ached. Her heart was heavy and it hurt , filling her with a bitter pain that cut deep to her soul. It was worse than any physical wound. It left her feeling desperately alone.

She continued to stare , and then she turned away, as though the sight burned her gaze. There was nothing there. That was the problem.

She threw her head back and let out a anguished cry . Noooooooooooooooooooo!

It echoed around her, filling the skies with her loss. There was a flurry of wings as the birds flew away, startled by her savagery, then all was silent. The silence infuriated her .

Another scream tore from her throat, a violent protest for the loss she had suffered, for the loss she would continue to suffer for the rest of eternity. Again, silence soon fell. It angered her because it only served as a reminder just how alone she was. Her throat thickened and her eyes burned and they filled with tears by their own accord.

Tears which trailed down her cheeks.

Tears she didn't notice.

Then she began to sob in earnest, each sob louder than the next. She cried in a way she hadn't had in years. Perhaps never. The world around her blurred and seemed to spin.

She dug her fingers in the soil and held on as though for dear life. The dirt got under her nails, but she didn't notice. She was oblivious to everything but the searing white hot pain the pierced her heart, the dull throbbing in her head, the endless ache in her heart which would never lessen. It was the worst type of torture she had ever known. Even death had to be better than this.

She shut her eyes tightly as though the darkness would shut out the pain but it did not. Emotions ran through her; pain, fear, hurt, anger, loss, exhaustion. Exhaustion soon won out and slowly the pounding ache slowly subsided…

She woke later, disorientated and confused. It was late and everything around her was dark and still.

She dragged herself to her feet, both heart and bone weary.

She wrapped her arms around herself , as though to protect herself-from what she did not know-and shivered. Again, the ache returned. Her eyes burned and the dreamless sleep served only to make her even more tired rather than rested.

She would make it through the night, she vowed.

But then, where do I go from here?