The Story: Okay this could get a little confusing because it's uber but then again it's not. Don't really get it?
Don't worry, at times I'm not sure I do too. That's the problem with morning afters*Grin*
The Author: Would love any constructive criticisms(that's read adoring fan-mails btw).Send 'em my way at
…Why am I missing what we never really had?
Who am I kidding
It wasn't meant to be
But you wanted a believer and I needed to believe
For every wall you built around you
I learned a brand new way to climb
Why don't you love me the way I love you?
Why don't you feel things as deep as I do?
- "Why don't you love me"
Amanda Marshall
Greece, a really long time ago.
I watched her silently,fighting back the tears that threatened me every time she smiled up at Perdicus.I had never seen her look this happy…not for a long time.She looked postively angelic,with her hair the colour of sunlight and her green eyes that held only the slightest hint of amber.
She was so beautiful.
How was it that I had never noticed until now?
How was it that I had been so blind?
When had she grown up…this slip of a girl,to become the woman that was suddenly standing in front of me today?
By now the anger had left me, leaving me empty, drained and feeling totally helpless.
The irony of it all had been that I was the one who'd had to walk down the aisle with her hand tucked trustingly in mine, reliving memories I never knew I had tucked away. I was the one who'd had to give her away, to hand her to him.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,".
I watched her eyes, hoping to see the even slightest bit of doubt or confusion clounding them,but I didn't. Instead,her eyes held a contentedness and a peace that tore my daydreams- and my heart- apart , leaving me in despair.
I let the moment pass, realising with a sense of impending bleakness, that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.
* * *
18 July,1999.
I watched as she silently fought back tears, watched as grief and despair filled her forest green eyes.
Would it be so bad, I wondered with a slight tinge of bitterness, for her to marry me?Would it be so horrible to be married to someone who loved her the way I did, who worshipped the very ground she walked on?
She kept looking straight ahead, avoiding my gaze, biting her lip every now and then, I imagine to stop the tears from flooding her eyes. Her chin trembled and the expression on her face was hardly one of joy. The blushing bride…Wasn't this supposed to be the happiest day of her life?
It was mine.
Anger and resentment welled up within me like a wave, dragging me under. Why was she doing this to me? I thought in anguish. Why was she doing this to the both of us?
Why…why didn't she love me?
I think I've loved her for the longest time. No, I know I've loved her for the longest time.
I used to know her inside out; I used to be able to tell what she was thinking from the look on her face, from the twitch of her lips, the expression in her eyes. Now I look at Sarah and it's like there's a stranger with her face, her eyes and the laugh I never hear anymore.
I looked away and found her expression of angst mirrored in blue eyes.
Jesse.
Like me, she was watching Sarah, staring at her almost as if she'd lost her years ago and suddenly had walked into the room and come across her. There was a hunger in her gaze that made my heart ache because no matter how much I loved Sarah, I could never looked at her that way, as though my very existence depended on her, as though I couldn't bear to look away from her because there was always the chance that if I blinked, she might disappear. I could see her heart in her eyes; red-rimmed and suspiciously shiny, they spoke of a grief that I could only imagine.
I felt a lump rise in my throat and I found myself blinking back tears as well.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,".
The pastor met my eyes with a fatherly smile, mistaking the tears for those of joy. Sarah stood rigidly next to me.
I remember the first time I had shyly told her how I felt.
"I love you, Sarah."I'd whispered.
"I…I love you too, Paul,"but she looked uncomfortable and never met my eyes.
God, she was so beautiful, with her golden hair. Like an angel.
Sometimes, when she smiled it seemed as though she lit the entire room with her radiance.
But… she wasn't mine. She never had been; I'd just allowed myself to believe she was.
And now it was time to let her go.
I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath, before opening my mouth to speak. "Wait,".