Meet and Greet

[vnud29]

ahahah Thanks silver. I think I will think of Darcy as a women. Perhaps a brunette, since isn't elizabeth a blonde? I can't remember but now in my mind she will be

When I went to the book store to buy Pride and Prejudice I almost bought the wrong one. I'm actually pretty sure if I had bought this book, my Ap literature teacher would have been alright with it lol Just because it's funny. It was, if I remember correctly, Pride and Prejudice with Zombies. or something like that. It took me a couple minutes to wonder why the cover had a women that had a face of a dead person.lol.

Heinerway, I love that one lol Nice.
Good one Irish lol took a bit of thinking to figure it out but it is funny lol

So, I bought my Senior parking spot today at school. I'm happy, however I look at my tag and I wonder what the hell I was thinking. I paid fifty dollars for a piece of plastic lol But I get my name on my spot painted on so I guess its alright.

[Sinclair]

The only time I read Pride and Prejudice was in high school. I thought it was a good book, slow at times, but good. I really enjoyed the movie, the newer one with Keira Knightley. Have you seen it?

wow those are some good jokes! I just texted the postal service/lesbian one to all my friends lol. Here are some short ones my friend has on her profile, they always make me smile:

Q. What is a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. Whats the difference between a G-Spot and a golfball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts dont have eyes.

Q. Whats the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

lol ok thats all I have for now.

[Scotti]

Here's my submission for the Joke thread

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet. Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, "You mean, lesbian?"

"Well... yes."

Still without looking up: "Does that mean you lick women down below?"

Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon her mother turned to her and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped: "Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"

TA DA What ya think Dude's?

It's was a gorgeous day on the Central Coast of Calif... I sat on the Beach this fine AM with my Starbucks, a yummy chorizo breakfast burrito, a great story on my ereader : (Re reading M. Goods Soulmate series *sigh* lovely) A a little visual stimulation of nicely if briefly clad beach bunnies... some funny doggies playing in the surf..ahhhh it was a good day for Sun and relaxation. Hope y'all had a great day...too

Later Dude's

Scotti

[Irish Eyes]

TA DA What ya think Dude's?

Scotti...I noticed your profile pic is a chef...so is like this joke a true story...couldn't complain so ya had to learn??? LOL

It's was a gorgeous day on the Central Coast of Calif... I sat on the Beach this fine AM with my Starbucks, a yummy chorizo breakfast burrito, a great story on my ereader : (Re reading M. Goods Soulmate series *sigh* lovely) A a little visual stimulation of nicely if briefly clad beach bunnies... some funny doggies playing in the surf..ahhhh it was a good day for Sun and relaxation. Hope y'all had a great day...too

Scotti

I'm thinking a trip to Scotti's place is in order...Starbucks, Chorizo burrito, eye candy....sounds good to me

[silverwriter01]

lol, I be liking this jokes. Well, I'm back from my trip and as promised, here's my joke.

A young woman walks into a doctor's office complaining about a rash on her chest. Upon examination, the doctor discovers the rash is in the shape of a 'Y'. The doctor asks the woman if she can think of anything which might explain it.

"Well," the woman replies, "it could be my boyfriend. You see, he goes to Yale and when we have sex he insists on wearing his college sweater."

The doctor gives the woman some cream and tells to make her boyfriend take off the sweater before they have sex.

The next day another woman comes in with a rash on her chest, this one in the shape of an 'P'.

When questioned, the woman explains that her boyfriend goes to Princeton and insists on wearing his college sweater when they have sex. The doctor gives the second woman the same cream and advice as the first and sends he on her way.

The next day another woman comes into the office with a rash, but this time it was in the shape of an 'M'.

Before the woman can explain, the doctor says, "I bet your boyfriend goes to Michigan and he likes to swear his college sweater when you have sex."

A surprised look came across the woman's face. She said, "You're right about the sweater, but my girlfriend goes to Wesleyan."

[vnud29]

Jesus, you guys are really good lol I need to go find some good ones somewhere. Irish, I think I'll join you on that trip!
Another good one Silver lol I'm gonna so tell my girlfriend that one.

[scottigrl]

I actually snorted Diet Dr. Pepper out my nose on that one Silver..LOL haha My 5yr old niece is like whats soo funny, I lied of course and showed her some crazy cat video on youtube..

You guys rock, very funny..

Irish
My Mama told me I was a lesbian and sent me off to the library when I was 13, of course I already knew this, but it made my Mama feel good to let me know that all was cool in our little Moms/daughter world, the woman was a totally awesome human being. But just to point out, my Mom was a great Chef and I love to cook as well... I make no comment about that taste of "Down There" other then it taste like chicken..of course.....

Y'all come to Sunny California, I'll show ya around we can cruise up the coast til we get to San Fransisco and hang out for a few days.. It'll be fun..

Later Dude's

Scotti

[Norsebard]

Silver - Heh, heh.


Norsebard

[silverwriter01]

lol, only the best jokes for you gals. While browsing today, I found this one.

Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother which read:
"Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."
"Love - Mum"

[silverwriter01]

My Mama told me I was a lesbian and sent me off to the library when I was 13, of course I already knew this, but it made my Mama feel good to let me know that all was cool in our little Moms/daughter world, the woman was a totally awesome human being. But just to point out, my Mom was a great Chef and I love to cook as well... I make no comment about that taste of "Down There" other then it taste like chicken..of course.....

Wait your mom told you that you were gay? How did that conversation go?

[vnud29]

Oh my god silver. I was drinking lemonade when I read that. I barely saved my laptop from getting soaked lol God that was a good one. And now my nose burns like hell lol thank you.

[silverwriter01]

Lol, I guess I need to put spew warnings on my jokes.

[Scotti]

Silver,

Yup she pretty much explained the Birds and the Birds to me, Mama was a girl of the 60's free love and all that.. It was pretty matter of fact. I of course had already come to realize that i much preferred the company of women or girlz as the case may be........ She just said there you go. Have a good life I love ya but if you pick a bad egg, I am sending it to the compost pile, Go to the Library and read up on Homosexuality if you have any question about the science of the thing don't ask me cuz I don't care.. It is what it is, and YOU are MINE, The end. Mama never once treated me or anyone I was involved with as an oddity. It was what it was. Did I mention the woman was absolutely brilliant for such a MAD woman... She laughed like an idiot and loved like it was the last day of existence. That's my Mama..



Great Joke Silver: I think I leaked a bit, gotta think about depends if I continue to read V's thread..

Had another great day at the Beach here. The Portuguese Festival was fun and the food awesome..

Peace Dude's

Scotti

[vnud29]

Scotti,
I just have to say....your mom is awesome. She sounds really great and hilarious. You're very lucky to have her. I miss my mom

[Sinclair]

Agreed, Scotti your mom sounds awesome. I love my mom to death but sometimes she comes off a bit...blonde lol. But it always provides great enertainment, like this one story she told me; her and her college roommate were driving home for the winter break. As they were driving down the dark country roads in south alabama her roommate noticed a radio tower in the distance. She said, "what is that blinking light on top of the pole for?" my mom responds, "so the planes dont run into the pole." "oh" her roommate said. Followed by, "well, then what is the pole there for?" my mom's answer: "to hold up the light." to this day, I cant drive by a radio tower without a little giggle.

I also think there should be spew warnings for the jokes. Luckily I wasnt drinking anything as I read them, but I'm pretty sure my neighbors heard me guffawing. I am going to see if I can dig up any good jokes from my co-workers this week.

OOhh! I just rememebered something funny my friend said.***warning, its kinda vulgar** I was at the docs office and saw a giant poster that read: Vaginitis. Being the immature weirdo I am, I send a picture text of it to my friend. He replies with, "Colz, its a serious condition, involving muffing at the mouth and constant sitting on the face!" tehehe.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

~Colz

[silverwriter01]

Scotti your mom is awesome.

Colz, your post made me laugh twice.

Here is a parrot joke.

There once was a woman who loved parrots but was never able to afford one of her own. One day, a friend of hers that owned a parrot went on vacation and let the woman watch the parrot while he was away. The woman was so excited at being able to have a parrot of her own, at least for a little while. She took the cover off the parrot's cage and waited for it to start talking. It was awful. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

The woman tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else she could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally the woman got fed up and she yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back very mean things about the woman.

Greatly upset, the woman grabbed the parrot and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that she had hurt the parrot, the woman quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto the woman's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior".

The woman was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

She was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued... "But make I ask, what did the chicken do?"

[Scotti]

Thanks for the kind words about my Mama guys its much appreciated. I miss her everyday.

OMG My family thinks I'm off my meds back here laughing like a fool all by myself.. Funny stuff gang..

Here's a Mama story for ya Dude's

My Mom was one of those Mom's that everyone in the neighborhood loved. Kids and parents alike.. So anyway...One Saturday all the kids in the hood were over to our house for a pool day. We had loads of fun as I remember, Mama included. So she decides to play a Joke on the Parents.. She takes construction paper and makes cones (the ones that Vets give you for pets so animals don't lick themselves) She puts a cone on all the kids head puts us all in the garage with newspapers spread out all over the concrete. Puts bowls of kibble and water down. When the parents show up she tells them that she took us all to the Vet and had us spayed. Said we shouldn't be allowed to contribute to the gene pool if we were going to act like animals. Of course to add to the joke we all ran around panting and barking and one or two peed on the paper and ate some kibble... Didn't stop any of the parents from dropping them all off again on Sunday tho.. That's my Mama

Hug your Mama

Later Dude's Sleep well

Scotti

[k_alexander]

Here's a Mama story for ya Dude's

Scotti, your mom sounds amazing. The kind of person you'd always remember with a smile.

My mom's a very quick-witted woman, and with two very kooky and mouthy kids she had to learn very early on to have an answer ready. We never had curfews - she trusted us to do the right thing and almost never checked up on us. One night my brother came in very very late (or early, depending on whether you were sleep or not) and the next morning, over cereal, she very casually asked him what he'd been up to. Now my brother is as dry as they get, and one of the funniest people I know. Chewing his cereal thoughtfully he said "Well, mom, I stole a car, ran over a pensioner, shot up heroin and then sacrificed a baby." Sighing, she shook her head at him and said "My boy, I'm disappointed. Do you really have to do drugs?"

She's a lovely woman.


So I'll end off with a joke too:

Two lesbians are out playing golf. They tee off: one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.

One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks the golfer's path to her golf bag, looks at her disdainfully, and says:
"I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea."

Then, POOF, Mother Nature disappears.

Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where are you?"

"Just getting to my ball!" her partner yells back. "It's over here in the pussy willows."

"WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T HIT THE BALL! DON'T HIT THE BALL!"

[scottigrl]

Great Joke K,

You know I think our Mom's could of been very good friends.. We never had a curfew either. She trusted us, Of course we were deathly afraid to Lie to Mama, so she knew exactly where we were going and what we were doing. Lie to Mama once and you were toast.. Then again, on occasion Mom would jump in the Car with the gang in tow, head out to the big canals that were used as agriculture waterways and teach us how to water sky with a car pulling us thru the canal with a tow rope.. She also taught us how to "Shoot the Gates" in a big canal.. Which is when they open the big steel gates to let the water flow thru, you jump in and the water flow shoots u thru the open gate to the lower portion of water reservoir on the other side. Its a blast.. Hope you can picture that adventure better then my description allows... It helped when the Sheriff showed up to write us up that Mama usually knew them and all their secrets, so we hardly ever got a delinquent field card written up.. Hmm I am rambling again, maybe I should open a My Mama thread.... Anyway K I think I would like to meet your Mama.
Whats your address again?

Great day to ya Dude's

Scotti

[silverwriter01]

I can't think of a funny Mama story. I had a older brother who was always in trouble so I was the good kid growing up. She let me do anything I wanted since she knew I would behave. So I'll tell an ongoing joke between us.

My Mom, my six year old nephew, and I were driving by the lakes. We had the windows down and were just cruising along the side of Lake Patrick. There were a bunch of Canadian geese in the lake. They were honking, making all kinds of noise. Sam, my nephew, started honking and quacking along with them. He then said, in a dead serious voice, "They talk to me and I talk back. You may think that's weird but I think it's awesome."

I stopped the truck and laughed for five minutes straight. I love my nephews. They say the damnedest things.